Hello, my harm ocd has been dialed up to 11 and I can't go 10 minutes without it bothering me, it's constant at this point. I've been in therapy and on meds for months now. I've asked over and over again if the harm thoughts are caused by the meds as a sick side effect and I've been told no by my doc.

My harm ocd is the urge to stab and hurt people, I get images, urges and I can't stand it anymore. I don't want these to come true but it feels like my mind will not let go. I've convinced myself going to prison is
Inevitable. And my life is ruined.

Please I don't want to be alone in this , does anyone else suffer from extreme harm ocd?

I'm tired, just tired of fighting my own mind. I've been ruminating on the same problem for one year and a half and I can't go a day without thinking that i might go in jail for every small mistake i might have done. Im on clomipramine and risperidone without any benefit, my social life is in shambles and i'm stuck on my studies (i'm ironically a med student studying psychiatry).

Su***de is always an option popping on my mind lately and i can't go on, i have my whole life in front of me and i can't see a future without any tragedy coming for me. I hate this disease, i hate it with my whole being, i miss my old self before the first crisis. Sigh, sometime i think i'm not sick, that my fears are rational and that i'm only lying to my psychiatrist. Any insight that could help me?

I see a therapist and a psych, however neither of them have brought it up. I see a lot of discourse around OCD online and my thoughts align with a lot of people who have OCD. But then again I don’t even really know what OCD is, and how it works. Idk I thought everyone’s brain worked the way mine does, and now that I keep seeing posts of people talking about their OCD.. I just don’t know. I also don’t want to seem like I’m not asking my therapist or telling her everything. I just want to know what made it click for you guys. Thank you.

EDIT: Thank you all. I feel so seen by your experiences. I will be getting an evaluation, and also gonna start being more honest with my thoughts.

I am reposting this with the proper corrections after speaking with the Mods.

I watched porn two nights ago around 10:30pm. It was dark in my room, but I didn't close my bedroom door. It remained open. However , I made sure the volume on my headphones was turned down super low to where I myself could barely even hear it & I also made sure to place my comforter over my phone & body once I realized I was just watching with my door open ... Even in spite of me doing all of that , I still felt weird afterwards that I left the door open. I just didn't feel like shutting it but also more importantly didn't want to seem suspicious or obvious either by closing it that late at night. Plus , both my dad & my brother were snoring & my mom wasnt making noise or moving around the house either. Had they been awake , I would've shut my door. We live in a small apartment, so my room can easily be visible if someone were to have walked through the hallway but since it was super dark in there, I didn't think it would be possible for anyone to have seen anything anyway, except the reflection of my phone's screen light hitting my face. Anyway.. I have felt unsure of whether it was wrong or okay because I took steps to conceal myself & my phone. I have felt guilty for what I did by not closing the door. I wasn't hoping anyone would see me or anything disgusting like that , but I have felt guilty that that could've been a possibility simply because the door was open & I keep ruminating on it feeling bad. The rumination on the guilt is the reason why I'm here. I am NOT seeking reassurance or asking whether or not what i did was wrong or alright. I am only here seeking advice/support specifically regarding the guilty feeling & rumination itself. Thankyou.

i got some super bad nightmares last night. i feel so shaken the whole day like as if im pretending to hide this huge secret. in my dream there was blood all over my room because i killed someone, and i recorded it as if i was happy i did it, but then i was conscious and i was like wtf obviously not. it was like as if i was super far away from God like as if i was in hell and i put myself there. every second of the day is just overlayed on top of that feeling and i cant feel happy because of that. its so scary when the day ends and the lights and distractions are all off and im just alone in my bed. im honestly so scared im so shaken up like physically sick. im gonna cut off all my hair cus i dont want anything to do with my past self cus i feel like a sinner or a horrible person. i just hope someone here relates thats all im looking for with this post

For someone with morality OCD, I became locked into YouTube drama and celebrity scandals as a teenager, and I think it has permanently fucked up my sense of self. I had to leave twitter and threads, and I now heavily control my feed on YouTube.

I feel like some content creators and celebrities should lose their platform, but the lack of nuance in each response has led me to have black and white thinking over my own morality. Especially when people who are black, brown, female or queer are usually smeared twice as a hard as their counterparts. I don’t like seeing someone like me being told they should kill themselves, and it usually ends in a week long obsessive loop where I can barely take care of myself.

The problem is, this has became so pervasive all across the internet, because let’s face it, it sells.

Since trying to stay away from that shit, my mental health has improved. But it’s still an ongoing battle, and now I’m dealing with the idea that avoiding such things on a daily basis makes me a worse person, because now I’m choosing to bury my head in the sand.

I am thinking about just attempting going completely cold turkey with all compulsions even if it makes me panic for hours. Has anyone just decided one day to be freaking done with it?

every time i eat something i imagine myself chewing on a live animal. ik it’s really gross. like recently there was a mouse in my house, shit it still might be here, but ever since that i’ve been imagining a mouse and i’m just eating it live. or if there’s just like my dog around me it happens and i physically cannot eat and feel so sick. the main reason i think i feel sick is because i feel so bad that im having the thought of hurting an animal. and don’t get me wrong im not a vegan or anything and really dont plan on being one. like earlier i was eating a cheese pizza and it happened. idk wtf to do anymore it’s truly affecting me and i can only eat once a day. i looked it up on google, which probably wasn’t smart cause it’s dumb asf, and the first thing that came up was an ED hotline or some shit. i used to have an ed but it was yearssss ago and didn’t last for more than a year. i don’t think it affected me much either. idk im rambling now. if anyone has any advice please let me know because it’s getting out of hand. i just want to be able to eat normally without feeling so gross. (ALSO IM NOT SAYING I HAVE OCD, IT JUST POPPED UP)

I had POCD and successfully went through therapy and conquered those thoughts. For a long time I’ve had other thoughts and just up until today I didn’t realize it might be considered moral OCD. I feel I suffer from many themes but since dealing with POCD and going through the agonizing mental pain that put me through other themes don’t seem as bad and I can usually apply the same techniques.

I imagine having to choose an agonizing terrible death for myself or for my wife and kids. I then think of the terrible death and it’s usually the same or consistent conditions. I then question myself and fear I wouldn’t be able to go through with it and would let my family suffer.

Do you think this would be OCD or not, it doesn’t stress me out and make me upset as POCD did but it does bother me a little. It’s one I’ve had even before having a family.

I’m 65F whose ocd was triggered by a series of traumatic life events in a short time span 10 yrs ago. I’ve done the whole gamut of recovery treatments-meds (no longer taking any bc all the SSRI’s I took caused crushing depression) talk therapy (learned that that doesn’t work) ERP (minor success with my contamination ocd) and recently I-CBT and ACT, prayer and online coaching and of course, self help books.
I was watching an older YouTube video of an interview with Mark Freeman and Ohheykellyrenee and she said that in her course of treatment (which was very intense) her therapist told her “you must be willing to die” to which she initially responded “well I’m not willing to do that” to which they responded “well then you will never recover and you can to leave now. Come back when you are willing to” paraphrasing)
She returned and her therapist (who used ACT treatment modality) taught her the skills of how to accept that mentality and eventually recover. Obviously no skills were revealed in that interview but I’m assuming they were all ACT skills bc that’s what her Insta page is all about.
Guys, I’m so tired. My husband is tired (he doesn’t say it but I know he is) my adult children are tired- everyone is tired of my ocd.
I had a shitty childhood but I worked hard and sacrificed to raise 2 children who are amazing adults.
It’s supposed to be “my time” now.—- Our time to travel and enjoy life- whatever time we have left. But we can’t bc of my ocd.
Sooo here we are. I’m depressed and my husband is frustrated and sad.
I cried last night bc I have no mental peace or calm. Even my former therapist said “you have no joy in your life” All my waking hours are one intrusive thought after another. When one dies out, another one takes its place. I try to not engage with my thoughts and obviously live my life but it’s very difficult bc the fear causes physical symptoms like racing heart, chest tightness, stomach upset and air hunger if I don’t do the compulsions. 😞
Please don’t advise me to go back on meds. Not happening.
I decided last night while laying in bed that I will have to do the all the feared actions (no compulsions or avoidance -which is a compulsion) and be okay mentally with the thought that I could die. I see no other way thru this to actually achieve any relief from this torture.
If you got this far, Ty. If someone would have told me in 2016 that this would be my life in 2026, I would have said that you’re out of your mind.
Crazy how life can turn on a dime.

I honestly can't believe I did this. I was nervous, but the lead therapist asked what OCD was like for me and I just broke down and started explaining my themes. I didn't get into like the specific thoughts I had, but I shared the themes and was really proud of myself for opening up. She was also very proud.

How do you deal and cope with people coughing in ur face or facing your directions coughing or coughing in ur vicinity?

NSFW CONTENT WARNING.

Whenever I engage sexually, more often during masturbation than partnered sex, thoughts enter my head about my dad. He has never abused me. He is actually the most stable person in my life and makes me feel very safe.

I had one dream as a teenager where I was having sex with my dad. This made me worried I wanted to have sex with my dad. I do not want to have sex with my dad.

When this happens, I try to imagine the thought as a leaf on a river, or a cloud in the sky, or whatever else they say to do. I say “that’s weird” and try to be neutral. I can feel my brain sometimes getting stuck on it, and it does make me have to stop the act and upsets me sometimes. The more upset I feel about it the stronger the images are in my head.

. I want this to stop so badly.

Does anyone have any tips beyond just neutrally interacting with the thoughts, and allowing them to wash over me and trying to stay regulated? Why does this always happen when sex is super good too!?! I’ll be feeling so good, and then BOOM, dads face. Dad jerking off. Why why WHYYYY!!!

I’ve been so stressed out my OCD has me spiraling. I have so many intrusive thoughts I sometimes can’t even move physically. Whenever I try to tidy up my place I can’t even move shit because I get pretty aggressive intrusive thoughts, you know the whole, “IF you do this, then THIS will happen” so I end up just leaving things where they are. I’ve been trying to declutter, but I can’t even let go of things. I hate being at my place right now because I can’t even relax. The visual mess is driving me crazy and my frustration is turning into horrible anger. I get so angry I feel nauseous and get terrible headaches and I have unfortunately ended up smashing things.

It’s so loud in my head all the time. Sometimes I even laugh thinking I’m fucking insane because how is my brain so loud? I can’t even enjoy watching tv, listening to music, because everything is always SOMETHING. Music used to be my escape, but I CANNOT listen to music without my OVF making it impossible because of the lyrics. You know how it goes, “if you listen to this song then this will happen” I’ve caught myself saying out loud,”SHUT THE FUCK UP ALREADY.”

I’ve been trying hard with exposure therapy, but I’m afraid it’s not working. I can’t handle the anxiety that comes with the exposure and that anxiety ends up leaving me with more intrusive thoughts. I’m also driving my partner crazy to the point in which she’s told me she’s considered leaving😵‍💫 and I don’t blame her to be honest. I drive myself crazy I can’t even imagine asking someone 1000 times the same questions seeking reassurance.

Anyway, today I feel incredibly 👎🏽.

I think it was the worst moment in my whole life. I’ve been having these intrusive thoughts for almost a year. It happened after my mom told me about her colleague who had experience with psychiatric hospital. Then I started learning DBT and found out that Marsha Linehan was at psychiatric hospital too. I got strong obsessions that I have to go through the same experience also. Last year o got drunk and called ambulance telling that I have suicidal thoughts. Hopefully they didn’t take me to the hospital. A week ago it happened again. I got drunk and called ambulance telling the same things. This time they really took me to the psychiatric hospital and I spent 4 days there. I always knew there is nothing to do in such places bcs in my country you’ll feel much worse after you leave. All my friends told me this. I knew this too. For some reason I always wanted to have this experience but subconsciously. My OCD kept telling me do this. I feel so sorry about what happened and I still haven’t recovered from their treatment. The most funny is that doctors said I don’t have ocd and anxiety disorder. That is how psychiatry works in my country.

One of my themes is relationship OCD and I have some weird random things like I’m scared that if I paint my nails whatever person I’m dating will break up with me soon after or something bad will happen and that will start it on its course. I’m in therapy now and I painted my nails all proper like a real manicure. They look pretty and my SO is proud of me

Tbh is isn’t necessarily completely OCD related, but I suppose it is in a way…

Has anyone else done anything like what I did?
I was 23 and really struggling with my mental health (OCD included), and I felt so desperate to get out of work that I wanted to take sick time. So, because I was terrified of being a bad person and a liar, I made myself eat raw chicken so I would get food poisoning and wouldn’t be lying to get out of work. As that didn’t make me sick, the next time I did it, I microwaved the chicken so it was warm (still raw) in case it would activate the germs more… I was not thinking straight ok

I laugh about it, and at the time I didn’t take what I was doing to myself very seriously, but looking back on it, that was wild

I have since wrapped my head around taking sick days for my mental health (my fam’s attitude to mental health was horrid growing up)

Hello everyone, until now, I've only had the most common compulsions, such as checking doors and washing my hands over and over again. But now I've developed a new kind of OCD symptom, and I'm very scared because I don't know whether it's OCD or if I'm developing dementia.

Now, every time I wash my hands, I start questioning my memory five minutes later. I'm not sure whether I actually washed my hands or not, so I wash them again, sometimes three to five times. Even then, I still question whether my memories are real or not, and sometimes I can't even remember for sure.

Is this a type of OCD, or am I developing dementia alzheimer's desease? I don't know what I'm supposed to do. Should I see a doctor? I'm not seeking reassurance. I just need information.

Note: I (30F) am trying genetic testing to see if I am taking the right meds for me, and am going to see if medicating my ADHD/treating the depression symptoms that seem to come with my zoloft helps. Just feeling super annoyed this week (didn't take my meds today lol)

I have been on Sertraline (Zoloft) 75mg for about 14 months. I started at 50mg, went to 75-100mg in April, and dropped back down to just 75mg after having some pretty violent dreams. I really noticed a positive difference after a month or two, especially with my relationship, driving, checking, intrusive thoughts, imagining horrible scenarios, guilt, misophonia, etc.

Recently, I hate taking it. I feel like it has made me too passive about everything to the point of feeling like nothing matters, generally in a good way. But then I realize I've procrastinated--because "nothing mattered"--and have to get through a panicked AHH THIS ALL MATTERED THE ENTIRE TIME AND NOW I HAVE TO GET IT DONE frenzy. I am pushing back deadlines, I am exhausted all the time, I have gained 25 lbs and none of my clothes fit and physical activity is noticably more difficult, and the food noise is almost unbearable when I take my meds. Sometimes I feel like I am faking it and I don't actually have OCD. When I skip a dose, I can be normal for a day. But if I don't take it the next day, I know I will start having withdrawals. I drop to a lower dose and everything gets so loud again.

I feel like I can't win. I wish I had a normal brain.

BIG TW!!!

ive never had anybody say this to me directly but I see it a lot online and it makes me so sad. like... what do you mean "so what"??? if im the sort of bad person I believe I am then I would literally have no choice other than to kms 😭 and I really dont want to do that which is why I dont want to be that kind of person.

I have ocd around feeling like a r*pist and if somebody said to me "so what if you're a rapist?" i would literally blow my shit smooth off right in front of them. if im a rapist then I dont deserve to live anymore thats the damn problem Janet. thats why im so obsessed because it is literally a matter of life and death for me.

i feel like im crazy here??? like this is exactly why I dont want to do therapy for this because if my therapist said "yeah you might be a rapist so what?" i would never be seen again

OCD can be about anything, right? I've had OCD ever since I was eight years old—it's been a constant in my life that I've been subjected to. I know OCD is irrational, and what I'm about to say is irrational, too, but my brain made me believe that this was the real deal.

Still, I grew up as a normal boy who just did what he was supposed to do, and I was very happy.

Then, at 13 years old, I made a friend who I thought was pretty cool, and I was happy to befriend him. I wasn't very confident in myself back then, and I thought he had something I could learn from. It was a massive blow to me when he said, 'I didn't like you at first. I thought you were boring.'

At that moment, my OCD brain went:

'OMFG, you have to be a cool person in order to make the friendships you want!'

From that point on, my mind would go completely blank whenever I spoke to new people, and it became hard for me to bond with anyone. It was very scary, and I did the worst thing you can do in that situation: I started living my life by OCD's rules. I stopped talking to certain people because I thought they were 'cool,' and only spoke to others.

You can probably see where this leads. The spiral got worse and worse over the years. Then I started asking myself why I was able to talk to some people and not others, until eventually, I wasn't allowed to talk to anyone anymore. I managed to live that hermit life for quite a while, but then it hit me again: if all of this is such a problem for me, why can I still talk to some friends and my family?

At that point, the loneliness hit me like a truck because I spiraled:

'I have to do something, but I can't -> I am going to die alone.'

That was the most traumatic experience of my life, because at that moment, I truly felt all the loneliness catching up to me that I had avoided for years prior. I developed all kinds of OCD themes at that point—ZOCD, HOCD... I went from being a straight-A student to getting Fs.

You have to understand, I am a compulsive learner; my worst grade up until that point was a C. The stress nearly killed me, and my nervous system was so overloaded that I couldn't even work out anymore. I am still traumatized by that little spiral from three years ago, and my life since then has basically just been a recovery from it. Before that spiral, my life was kind of okay, even though I was alone. After it, I was a total wreck.

Fast forward to today. I finally understand that all of these problems were fucking OCD, and the solution isn't to try and become cool or trying to get my social brain back—it means being okay with not being cool. I barely know people who have social ocd but its very real. OCD fucked me over I was a person with dreams, hopes and everything for the future OCD fucked this.

my ocd has manipulated and hurt me in so many ways I’m so tired it got so bad it makes me use escapis just to survive im so tired I don’t want to kms I just want to live a happy life but i get scared people will find out about my ocd and what it’s put me through and blame me instead of it I’m scared Ive only been 18 for 5 months and instead of feeling like life is starting all I want is to die painlessly

I’m a very observant person and I use it to keep myself safe but I can’t stop myself from going too far with it. I ruminate too much on everything, everything and everyone is out to get me. I don’t understand how when I’m with someone I can feel so much love towards them and have so much fun but as soon as I’m not around them I start thinking about how they’re probably using me or faking how much they like me or that they’re not really that good of a person and I nit pick things they’ve said, micro expressions, and tone and I use it as evidence. I’ve stopped dating because of this, I feel insane when I’m dating. But I’m starting to get this way with everyone in my life, I feel lonely and it’s completely my fault. I have so many friends and family that i think loves me but in my head I can’t stop myself from thinking it’s all a lie. I keep everyone at arms length incase it is. When things come to be true it just fuels the fire. I’m catching myself trying to isolate as protection and I’m fighting against it by making myself join and create groups and hang out with friends but the anxiety before and after feels like it’s boiling me alive. I know so much of it is in my head but I can’t tell the difference between anxiety and intuition. Apart from my relationships I’m also holding myself back from living. I want to go so many things two of the main ones being selling my arts and crafts and the other traveling but I have a fear of never getting far, of failing, of my creations not being good enough and of being attacked or dying when traveling. I want to do van life but I can’t stop over thinking that I might have something wrong with my health. Pain in my leg? Maybe it’s a blood clot. Issues with my period? Must be hormonal issues. Irregular bowel movement? Colon cancer or I’ll have to get my gallbladder removed. I just want all the noise in my head to stop. Sorry this is so long but if you’ve read it all I appreciate you.