I have noticed that I will get bad thought spirals about the friends that (some of) my friends have, and that when they hangout with without me its because they hate me/want to phase me out of their lives.

I am someone who constantly tries to share my friends with other people, like inviting friends that I think would get along to the same places/hangouts/etc, and when I see my friends not make the same effort it makes me spiral and think that they don't like me and that I'll never make more friends, and it just makes me feel very alone. It's almost like lethal FOMO that my brain uses against me every time I hear mention of friends hanging out with people I know or am friends with, I spend hours trying to claw out of feeling lonely/friendless/etc.

I would appreciate knowing I'm not the only one who has this specific thought spiral, I know objectively that I have friends and people do care about me, but it happens so often and is so intense that it pushes me to isolate (or delete social media, turn off my phone, etc) so as to avoid hearing stuff like this that'll make me spiral and start to obsess about what other people are doing with their lives. When a friend off-handedly mentions seeing another friend I don't show it outwardly, but inside my brain just starts running and I'm not sure what I can tell myself (NOT reassurance) to sort of put it into different perspective. It's like I'm trying to control others' social lives around me in my head, even though what I ultimately want is to just feel "normal" about people doing things without me.

My ocd has hit a major spike this past month. I dissociate, have anxiety attacks and ruminate on horrible thoughts. This is one of the worst spells I’ve had in the last decade. I’ve tried talking to others but they just don’t understand so I’m trapped in my own thoughts alone. Meds never helped either so I don’t even want to try them now.

This disease fucking blows

does poor sleep make it much worse? ive found that to be the case for myself

Hate hate hate hate hate hate hate

Like im guessing its just cooling down but it gets me everytime

I honestly can't believe I did this. I was nervous, but the lead therapist asked what OCD was like for me and I just broke down and started explaining my themes. I didn't get into like the specific thoughts I had, but I shared the themes and was really proud of myself for opening up. She was also very proud.

How do you deal and cope with people coughing in ur face or facing your directions coughing or coughing in ur vicinity?

NSFW CONTENT WARNING.

Whenever I engage sexually, more often during masturbation than partnered sex, thoughts enter my head about my dad. He has never abused me. He is actually the most stable person in my life and makes me feel very safe.

I had one dream as a teenager where I was having sex with my dad. This made me worried I wanted to have sex with my dad. I do not want to have sex with my dad.

When this happens, I try to imagine the thought as a leaf on a river, or a cloud in the sky, or whatever else they say to do. I say “that’s weird” and try to be neutral. I can feel my brain sometimes getting stuck on it, and it does make me have to stop the act and upsets me sometimes. The more upset I feel about it the stronger the images are in my head.

. I want this to stop so badly.

Does anyone have any tips beyond just neutrally interacting with the thoughts, and allowing them to wash over me and trying to stay regulated? Why does this always happen when sex is super good too!?! I’ll be feeling so good, and then BOOM, dads face. Dad jerking off. Why why WHYYYY!!!

i got some super bad nightmares last night. i feel so shaken the whole day like as if im pretending to hide this huge secret. in my dream there was blood all over my room because i killed someone, and i recorded it as if i was happy i did it, but then i was conscious and i was like wtf obviously not. it was like as if i was super far away from God like as if i was in hell and i put myself there. every second of the day is just overlayed on top of that feeling and i cant feel happy because of that. its so scary when the day ends and the lights and distractions are all off and im just alone in my bed. im honestly so scared im so shaken up like physically sick. im gonna cut off all my hair cus i dont want anything to do with my past self cus i feel like a sinner or a horrible person. i just hope someone here relates thats all im looking for with this post

I’m struggling right now! My OCD is in full swing but honestly my hyper vigilance and sensitivity is at a high, I keep tearing apart each interaction for HOURS obsessing on if I was too much, I shouldn’t of said this or that, what were they thinking, are they thinking of it now? When logically I know this is so trivial and more than likely they are definitely not thinking of me, or anything bad of me but I don’t allow myself to be anything but perfect and if I feel it wasn’t “perfect me” then I spiral and tear myself apart. I will start judging myself and treating myself like a bully would.

I’ve done the therapy, I understand most. My self awareness is impressive but almost scary, but I can’t stop these compulsions of picking myself apart if I’m not
1. Always perfect
2. Always moral and to come across as a “good woman”
3. Bullying myself by using harsh inner dialect and having a warped perception of scenarios and believing my thoughts as facts.

Any advice on how I can get myself out of this loop. I’ve done it before but of course now it’s a different theme it makes you feel like you’ve lost your previous knowledge on how to cope & self help.

Hi people,

I'm looking for a chat/discussion and advice within community guidelines.

For some context I've been in therapy/counselling for most of my adult life 36f from 20 something years till now off and on for anxiety/depression

I've seen psychologists and counsellors as that has been the most accessible for myself.

I am going to see a psychiatrist tomorrow via telehealth. I've seen one once via telehealth when I was seeking answer questions OCD and ADHD. The psychiatrist told me I have OCD and adhd tendencies

I was not able to get another appt with them, just fell through the cracks. This was during covid times.

So since then I have gone on with counselling in and out sometimes private and sometimes with eap from work.

I have asked for a referral to see a psychiatrist after a friend told me about a clinic that I might be able to go to. That's worked out well and I'm seeing a psychiatrist registrar tomorrow.

This was after I saw a psychologist for one appt that was well versed in OCD and she told me that I probably didn't have OCD explained properly as I lot of what I was going through sounded like OCD to her.

So unfortunately I couldn't continue to see her as a family member was going back to see her.

So I started seeing a psychologist at the same place who was lovely but didn't have the OCD experience that the first one did. So just continued CBT and I found it somewhat helpful but not completely.

After seeing her for as many times as my mental health plan allowed then I asked to see a psychiatrist.

During this time I'd quit my job, had a breakdown a few months ago, I've been off work for a break and start a new job next week.

So basically my brain is telling me I don't need to go and I'm wasting the psychiatrists time. I know that's probably part of ocd making me doubt things as my psychologist told me it's a doubting disease.

During my time off we increased my medication (Pristiq) and that has really calmed down my intrusive thoughts noise.

However I don't want to have another breakdown and quit my job 5-6 years in which has been a pattern.

I don't know if it's relevant but I work in aged care, I love it usually but I get stuck on morals ( I realise that may have something to do with OCD) and that's where I get stuck.

I suffer from intrusive harm thoughts and other thoughts I'd rather not mention, depression and anxiety.

My brains also performing a script about tomorrow's appt and what I should be telling the psychiatrist so any advice for that would be good.

Hope this all makes enough sense for you guys and any response is appreciated

Thanks in advance

Hey everyone, OCD currently flaring. Not seeking reassurance but genuine feedback

Do you ever find yourself feeling possessive over the people closest to you? My possessiveness isn’t loud but it’s there. But it also makes me delusional

I’m finding it hard to articulate right now to elaborate, hopefully I will add to this on a better night.

I have OCD and one of my biggest problems is the urge to confess things to my mom.

My brain keeps telling me that I HAVE to tell her certain things, even when I don't want to. It makes me feel like I won't be able to relax until I confess.

Recently I told my mom something because the urge was too strong, and after that I felt relieved. But guess what? Now my brain found something else to obsess over and keeps telling me I need to confess that too.

It's literally an endless cycle. I confess one thing, feel better for a while, and then my brain comes up with another thing. I hate it because sometimes I start overthinking whether I actually want to tell her or if it's just my OCD forcing me to do it.

I just want to be able to keep something to myself without feeling like I'm doing something wrong. I'm tired of feeling forced to confess everything just to get temporary relief.

Does anyone else experience this? How do you resist the urge to confess? Does it actually get easier if you stop giving in to it?

I'd appreciate actual advice from people who have dealt with this, especially if you've tried ERP.

im so scared of being sedated or anything like that, it seems like people don’t have control over what they say after. i’m so scared i might say something.

i have ocd. i love my boyfriend. i feel like my past bothers him. background: we talked for a long time but weren't exclusive and during that period i did speak to other men (never met, just texts, and i lost interest quickly). my bf and i are long distance, we met online, through instagram dms, so i didn't really take it seriously bc i thought he was just another guy trying to get into my pants / who wanted stuff from me, and i had gotten out of a really bad relationship which fundamentally changed my views on love and life in general, and just genuinely thought id be alone for the rest of my life. in that relationship i went through SA and after it i dealt with a lot of verbal abuse from my ex and his friends. so i never took a man seriously. but over time, we continued talking, calling, etc, and once i realized i had real feelings from him, i haven't talked to a guy/followed a guy, in real life and also on social media. i removed all the men from my following on all social medias after i realized that it might bother him. i just feel a lot of guilt and shame for my past. he brings it up sometimes and it hurts because i hate my past, I've never been in a good relationship before my boyfriend and i genuinely love him so much and want to give him the world, but i feel like i made him feel bad and it's making me feel horrible. the last thing i want is to hurt him because i love him so much. im terrified. he doesn't have much of a past either and i think this is also adding to it. idk what to do, if this is just my ocd talking or if i actually did something gravely wrong, idk.

I'm currently 9 months postpartum and I have been struggling with OCD since his birth. I believe that I had it prior to getting pregnant with him, but I've never received an official diagnosis. The first theme that hit me was taboo. I struggled with it on my own, because I was too ashamed to tell anyone. My mother and husband knew that I was having intrusive thoughts, but that was the extent. It got less with time, but I still dealt with it figuring that it was just OCD. Eventually, I read about postpartum OCD and I felt understood for the first time.

Recently, the postpartum OCD has switched themes to harm. It has hit me like a truck. I've quit eating, I've quit sleeping, and I feel like each day is a battle to get through. It's been my breaking point and I've reached out for help. I told my husband everything that I've been dealing with since our baby was born. Even more recently, I've had a bit of a relapse with the taboo intrusive thoughts. I had an awareness of my groin when I received a picture of my baby. I called my husband from work, crying. He said "it's normal for postpartum ocd. you know how badly it has bothered you when it happened before when you had those intrusive thoughts and that disgust right now tells you that it's all intrusive". I immediately felt better then went back to work, but while working, I thought "did I feel enough disgust with the taboo intrusive thoughts in the past?" "Why has the harm theme bothered me more than the taboo theme?" I spiraled that maybe it didn't bother me as much as it should have. What if that's why the harm theme has been more overwhelming? I saw my baby that evening when I got off work, I was still spiraling and had the urge to do a compulsion. While looking at him, I made myself remember an intrusive thought that had really bothered me before to check if I felt enough disgust. I felt disgusted, but then I got hit even harder by the fact that I intentionally made myself think that thought to test my reaction. I feel so much shame and disgust that it just didn't pop up and that I was anxious to figure it out. I can barely look at him without wanting to throw up. It haunts me every day and it has made things so much worse. I feel like he deserves so much better than me and I can't move past this. I feel like he deserves so much better of a mother than me.

My first appointment is Monday to see a professional and I don't know if I can mentally make it.

Tbh is isn’t necessarily completely OCD related, but I suppose it is in a way…

Has anyone else done anything like what I did?
I was 23 and really struggling with my mental health (OCD included), and I felt so desperate to get out of work that I wanted to take sick time. So, because I was terrified of being a bad person and a liar, I made myself eat raw chicken so I would get food poisoning and wouldn’t be lying to get out of work. As that didn’t make me sick, the next time I did it, I microwaved the chicken so it was warm (still raw) in case it would activate the germs more… I was not thinking straight ok

I laugh about it, and at the time I didn’t take what I was doing to myself very seriously, but looking back on it, that was wild

I have since wrapped my head around taking sick days for my mental health (my fam’s attitude to mental health was horrid growing up)

every time i eat something i imagine myself chewing on a live animal. ik it’s really gross. like recently there was a mouse in my house, shit it still might be here, but ever since that i’ve been imagining a mouse and i’m just eating it live. or if there’s just like my dog around me it happens and i physically cannot eat and feel so sick. the main reason i think i feel sick is because i feel so bad that im having the thought of hurting an animal. and don’t get me wrong im not a vegan or anything and really dont plan on being one. like earlier i was eating a cheese pizza and it happened. idk wtf to do anymore it’s truly affecting me and i can only eat once a day. i looked it up on google, which probably wasn’t smart cause it’s dumb asf, and the first thing that came up was an ED hotline or some shit. i used to have an ed but it was yearssss ago and didn’t last for more than a year. i don’t think it affected me much either. idk im rambling now. if anyone has any advice please let me know because it’s getting out of hand. i just want to be able to eat normally without feeling so gross. (ALSO IM NOT SAYING I HAVE OCD, IT JUST POPPED UP)

Hi everyone. I’m diagnosed Bipolar 1 with a pending OCD diagnosis. I never really considered OCD as a possibility until the last month or so, and didn’t realize that I had so many symptoms until I took the screening. I’m just wondering if any of you were well aware of the fact that you are OCD before seeking professional help. I thought a lot of the things I experienced were somewhat normal, a coping mechanism, or simply part of my Bipolar diagnosis.

Anyone isolate and obsess about not wanting to go out and fear driving? I just went into the hallway to mail something and I just hoped I didnt see anyone. My husband wants a divorce too once I get a job and I dont even want to go anywhere alone . This is the worst my ocd has ever been. Yes I am in therapy. Doesnt seem to help. Anyways I needed to get that out.

I had POCD and successfully went through therapy and conquered those thoughts. For a long time I’ve had other thoughts and just up until today I didn’t realize it might be considered moral OCD. I feel I suffer from many themes but since dealing with POCD and going through the agonizing mental pain that put me through other themes don’t seem as bad and I can usually apply the same techniques.

I imagine having to choose an agonizing terrible death for myself or for my wife and kids. I then think of the terrible death and it’s usually the same or consistent conditions. I then question myself and fear I wouldn’t be able to go through with it and would let my family suffer.

Do you think this would be OCD or not, it doesn’t stress me out and make me upset as POCD did but it does bother me a little. It’s one I’ve had even before having a family.

Note: I (30F) am trying genetic testing to see if I am taking the right meds for me, and am going to see if medicating my ADHD/treating the depression symptoms that seem to come with my zoloft helps. Just feeling super annoyed this week (didn't take my meds today lol)

I have been on Sertraline (Zoloft) 75mg for about 14 months. I started at 50mg, went to 75-100mg in April, and dropped back down to just 75mg after having some pretty violent dreams. I really noticed a positive difference after a month or two, especially with my relationship, driving, checking, intrusive thoughts, imagining horrible scenarios, guilt, misophonia, etc.

Recently, I hate taking it. I feel like it has made me too passive about everything to the point of feeling like nothing matters, generally in a good way. But then I realize I've procrastinated--because "nothing mattered"--and have to get through a panicked AHH THIS ALL MATTERED THE ENTIRE TIME AND NOW I HAVE TO GET IT DONE frenzy. I am pushing back deadlines, I am exhausted all the time, I have gained 25 lbs and none of my clothes fit and physical activity is noticably more difficult, and the food noise is almost unbearable when I take my meds. Sometimes I feel like I am faking it and I don't actually have OCD. When I skip a dose, I can be normal for a day. But if I don't take it the next day, I know I will start having withdrawals. I drop to a lower dose and everything gets so loud again.

I feel like I can't win. I wish I had a normal brain.

hello Christian’s with OCD I really need some help adobe or anything really I got diagnosed with OCD last year and she even doing theapry for a year but struggle a lot with ERP becuse ima grief I don’t belive I Jesus never did and never will and that ERP will make to worse idk I know to soudns sillt but I’m sacred and for the past few weeks my thoughts have been worse than ever. All I hear is how much I don’t belive in Jesus and that I don’t care, don’t love Him, don’t beleive in Him and that I don’t care and He doesn’t matter to me. I’m so empty and numb and He feels so fake and I’m losing it. All I want is to read the Bible and feel hope and just know but I’m so empty and feel so fake on faith it hurts. I grow up with a strong faith in Jesus like as a kid I just remember loving God and Jesus so much to the point where even know my family says let Verna pray hers come true becuse she and faith and loves God then we stopped going to church and I lost that. Three years ago when I started reading my Bible again I felt like I was getting that back in 2024. I just got bombarded with so many intrusive sexual images and it just kept getting worse then became intrusive thoughts I don’t believe in he’s not real and it’s been two years and I just feel like I never believed and I never will and I don’t love Him. I’m just sad and want Jesus to be mine and to love Him. Lately it’s just been the thoughts that say the cross doesn’t matter and I hate it I can’t stand it all I want is rela and to beleive but the thoughts just won’t end and they say such awful things about God and Jesus I know aren’t true but it’s so loud and I’m so numb and empty and sacred I don’t love Him and don’t care. I’d love anyine to help em call em out pray for me share some verse or anything. Im so lost and I just want to belive wholeheartedly.

Please i Need your help. I suffer from ocd since i was 11. I'm now 24. I've been doing therapy for 4 years and although It helped, my ocd almost got worse. I also took abilify 2,5 mg for one month and then 5 mg for 2 months and and half. The First month i felt great, more Happy, more focused and social. Then It all went wrong. My ocd and paranoia worsened. I stopped It without tapering and i experienced the worst months of my Life. Anhedonic, heavely depressed, no libido, suicidal. I'm now feeling Better, its been 6 months. I don't want tò take any other drugs. They really destroyed my Life. But i Need help for my ocd. I can't live like this, i feel like im wasting my Life, Dreams and potential. What can i do? Right now in taking iron and vitamin D. Any suggestion? What really worked for you?

OCD can be about anything, right? I've had OCD ever since I was eight years old—it's been a constant in my life that I've been subjected to. I know OCD is irrational, and what I'm about to say is irrational, too, but my brain made me believe that this was the real deal.

Still, I grew up as a normal boy who just did what he was supposed to do, and I was very happy.

Then, at 13 years old, I made a friend who I thought was pretty cool, and I was happy to befriend him. I wasn't very confident in myself back then, and I thought he had something I could learn from. It was a massive blow to me when he said, 'I didn't like you at first. I thought you were boring.'

At that moment, my OCD brain went:

'OMFG, you have to be a cool person in order to make the friendships you want!'

From that point on, my mind would go completely blank whenever I spoke to new people, and it became hard for me to bond with anyone. It was very scary, and I did the worst thing you can do in that situation: I started living my life by OCD's rules. I stopped talking to certain people because I thought they were 'cool,' and only spoke to others.

You can probably see where this leads. The spiral got worse and worse over the years. Then I started asking myself why I was able to talk to some people and not others, until eventually, I wasn't allowed to talk to anyone anymore. I managed to live that hermit life for quite a while, but then it hit me again: if all of this is such a problem for me, why can I still talk to some friends and my family?

At that point, the loneliness hit me like a truck because I spiraled:

'I have to do something, but I can't -> I am going to die alone.'

That was the most traumatic experience of my life, because at that moment, I truly felt all the loneliness catching up to me that I had avoided for years prior. I developed all kinds of OCD themes at that point—ZOCD, HOCD... I went from being a straight-A student to getting Fs.

You have to understand, I am a compulsive learner; my worst grade up until that point was a C. The stress nearly killed me, and my nervous system was so overloaded that I couldn't even work out anymore. I am still traumatized by that little spiral from three years ago, and my life since then has basically just been a recovery from it. Before that spiral, my life was kind of okay, even though I was alone. After it, I was a total wreck.

Fast forward to today. I finally understand that all of these problems were fucking OCD, and the solution isn't to try and become cool or trying to get my social brain back—it means being okay with not being cool. I barely know people who have social ocd but its very real. OCD fucked me over I was a person with dreams, hopes and everything for the future OCD fucked this.

my ocd has manipulated and hurt me in so many ways I’m so tired it got so bad it makes me use escapis just to survive im so tired I don’t want to kms I just want to live a happy life but i get scared people will find out about my ocd and what it’s put me through and blame me instead of it I’m scared Ive only been 18 for 5 months and instead of feeling like life is starting all I want is to die painlessly