One of my themes is relationship OCD and I have some weird random things like I’m scared that if I paint my nails whatever person I’m dating will break up with me soon after or something bad will happen and that will start it on its course. I’m in therapy now and I painted my nails all proper like a real manicure. They look pretty and my SO is proud of me

I'm tired, just tired of fighting my own mind. I've been ruminating on the same problem for one year and a half and I can't go a day without thinking that i might go in jail for every small mistake i might have done. Im on clomipramine and risperidone without any benefit, my social life is in shambles and i'm stuck on my studies (i'm ironically a med student studying psychiatry).

Su***de is always an option popping on my mind lately and i can't go on, i have my whole life in front of me and i can't see a future without any tragedy coming for me. I hate this disease, i hate it with my whole being, i miss my old self before the first crisis. Sigh, sometime i think i'm not sick, that my fears are rational and that i'm only lying to my psychiatrist. Any insight that could help me?

I see a therapist and a psych, however neither of them have brought it up. I see a lot of discourse around OCD online and my thoughts align with a lot of people who have OCD. But then again I don’t even really know what OCD is, and how it works. Idk I thought everyone’s brain worked the way mine does, and now that I keep seeing posts of people talking about their OCD.. I just don’t know. I also don’t want to seem like I’m not asking my therapist or telling her everything. I just want to know what made it click for you guys. Thank you.

EDIT: Thank you all. I feel so seen by your experiences. I will be getting an evaluation, and also gonna start being more honest with my thoughts.

Hello, my harm ocd has been dialed up to 11 and I can't go 10 minutes without it bothering me, it's constant at this point. I've been in therapy and on meds for months now. I've asked over and over again if the harm thoughts are caused by the meds as a sick side effect and I've been told no by my doc.

My harm ocd is the urge to stab and hurt people, I get images, urges and I can't stand it anymore. I don't want these to come true but it feels like my mind will not let go. I've convinced myself going to prison is
Inevitable. And my life is ruined.

Please I don't want to be alone in this , does anyone else suffer from extreme harm ocd?

I’m 65F whose ocd was triggered by a series of traumatic life events in a short time span 10 yrs ago. I’ve done the whole gamut of recovery treatments-meds (no longer taking any bc all the SSRI’s I took caused crushing depression) talk therapy (learned that that doesn’t work) ERP (minor success with my contamination ocd) and recently I-CBT and ACT, prayer and online coaching and of course, self help books.
I was watching an older YouTube video of an interview with Mark Freeman and Ohheykellyrenee and she said that in her course of treatment (which was very intense) her therapist told her “you must be willing to die” to which she initially responded “well I’m not willing to do that” to which they responded “well then you will never recover and you can to leave now. Come back when you are willing to” paraphrasing)
She returned and her therapist (who used ACT treatment modality) taught her the skills of how to accept that mentality and eventually recover. Obviously no skills were revealed in that interview but I’m assuming they were all ACT skills bc that’s what her Insta page is all about.
Guys, I’m so tired. My husband is tired (he doesn’t say it but I know he is) my adult children are tired- everyone is tired of my ocd.
I had a shitty childhood but I worked hard and sacrificed to raise 2 children who are amazing adults.
It’s supposed to be “my time” now.—- Our time to travel and enjoy life- whatever time we have left. But we can’t bc of my ocd.
Sooo here we are. I’m depressed and my husband is frustrated and sad.
I cried last night bc I have no mental peace or calm. Even my former therapist said “you have no joy in your life” All my waking hours are one intrusive thought after another. When one dies out, another one takes its place. I try to not engage with my thoughts and obviously live my life but it’s very difficult bc the fear causes physical symptoms like racing heart, chest tightness, stomach upset and air hunger if I don’t do the compulsions. 😞
Please don’t advise me to go back on meds. Not happening.
I decided last night while laying in bed that I will have to do the all the feared actions (no compulsions or avoidance -which is a compulsion) and be okay mentally with the thought that I could die. I see no other way thru this to actually achieve any relief from this torture.
If you got this far, Ty. If someone would have told me in 2016 that this would be my life in 2026, I would have said that you’re out of your mind.
Crazy how life can turn on a dime.

Hello I'm a 18 year old male and have diagnosed ADHD and Anxiety disorder and am medicated for both and I believe I have OCD. I've never been diagnosed formally but with this massive timeline of events I don't know how it could be explained as anything else. This is going to be a long post so please bear with me if none of this seems like ocd than I'm sorry for making people's pain my excuse

In 5th and 6th grade I had begun to realize that I was not straight. It was also around this time that I had begun to make more friends and now I have a tight knit group who I love more than life itself. This was also around quarantine as well so I didn't really have much to do but think and consume media. Once I had begun to realize my queer identity I felt happy that I could be honest with myself but then a thought crepes in. "What if I'm not actually queer? What if I'm just faking it and I'm lying to everyone?" I would like at images of men and women to see which would arouse me more. Also I should mention that since around 4-5th grade I was exposed to porn and more specifically hentai and rule34. I always found the ladder two more appealing and had seen some stuff that looking back is very disgusting and weird. Another obsession around this time was my fear of being racist. This happened also around the rise of the blm movement in 2020 when George Floyd had tragically died. Me and my friends were in massive support of this movement and I believe this is what really sparked my beliefs in progressive politics. However This fear was so predominant for a while and I hated myself so much for it. I would get so anxious about it. There was a night where I was scrolling TikTok I would sign and send my friends around 20 change.org petitions I saw. This went on throughout middle school and even into around sophomore year of high school. I wanna say around junior year it quilled a little but it's still something I fear. A fear that came around earlier this year was fear of misogyny.

Sometimes I would hear about how men would make jokes at the expense of women or hurt women and I never wanted to be like that. However there was a weird part of me that thought to take these resonance and appropriate outrages against men "personally?" I hated this feeling as well. I felt like I was relating to abusers and rapists I didn't want to do that! Also when I would see people getting exposed online or people getting beaten for trying to do illegal things I would feel a little bad? I was so scared of these feelings. Did feeling this way mean that I was destined to be a bad person? Also should mention a short period of time where I had intrusive sexual thoughts as well at around 14 or 15 I think. This caused me to avert my eyes whenever I saw certain things in public. However most of the time besides that period from middle school I was able to usually brush these off as intrusive thoughts. Or my brain just had some kind of thing where when it hears about something bad it immediately latches onto the worse aspects and tries to make it about me. Maybe it was also because my ADHD brain naturally goes from thought to thought rapidly. Even then the fact that I felt this way at all did worry me a lot. In spite of this I tried to live life in accordance to my true morals. This all came ahead to around 2-3 days before graduation

As I mentioned I had a porn addiction and this was all throughout all these events and moments. A part of me wants to blame this on ADHD because of dopamine levels and all that stuff and the fact that I kept doing it even when I believe I had gotten pied and death grip syndrome. I really just liked that quick dopamine rush I guess. It has gotten to a point where orgasms aren't even pleasurable and I find it hard to maintain erections no matter what I'm looking at. This one time I did it I believe will haunt me forever.

The website I was using was called r34videos which was a fully rule 34 animations and art focused website. This websites had tags and stuff I don't believe I would've found otherwise. I should mention that even though I had begun to get kind of bored of masturbating and porn in general despite not stopping, I never tried to intentionally seek out really gross or taboo material as I held the belief that "it's just a drawing" is a bs excuse. However this 1 video from an artist I watched with characters I knew this artist when I was really young had stuff in it that looking back is so disgusting and disturbing. I even remember when watching it thinking "this is so gross" but I watched it anyway. After I was done and something else happened in the video I had fully realized what I had looked at and felt disgusting. I didn't know what to think of myself. I felt so off and weird. I don't know how the fuck I did it but I managed to get through graduation and prom as normal and even went on vacation with my family having seemingly forgotten it. After returning home I had begun to feel a pain in my groin and I had begun to obsessively worry that I was at risk of getting testicular torsion. I would get up from my bed every hour or so to check my testicles to make sure they didn't lose color or anything. 1 night scrolling on TikTok I saw a video that reminded me about the video and what I did and that off feeling came back again. However 1 morning I had fully realized what the video was and what I did and had a full on panic attack. My legs had muscle spasms my mind raced, my stomach was so tight and I had no appetite. Being around people felt gross to do. My heart raced. I couldn't believe myself it was so hard to even basically function.

Eventually the physical symptoms had died down. However my brain is still running at a million miles per hour. It's replying the event again and again and again. It's even made me look back to the last 5-7 years of porn and r34 use and made me realize. "Holy shit some of this was so fucked up too". I want to mention I never looked at anything that was not on surface websites and I never went on the dark web or sought out anything illegal and I would also rather kill myself than hurt anyone directly or indirectly. Even then I feel like a monster. I wasn't ever attracted to this stuff so why did I watch it? I occasionally have had suicidal ideation in the past during middle school because of the fear of being racist. Now I feel it everyday in some capacity. Especially since I'm in college I now no longer have my friends around me who I've recently told about my OCD but not this stuff.

This spiral of self hate made me discover all the different subtypes of OCD and made me consider that I have OCD. I should preference that I'm not using ocd as an excuse also I haven't been diagnosed for it and I don't want to make other peoples pain my excuse.

I guess I just want to say I'm sorry for the things I've done and the thoughts I have. I never wanted to hurt anyone but now even with the information of OCD I feel destined to. I try my best to avoid people when in public and even when I do engage in conversation with my college peers I feel like I'm lying to them cuz I'm destined to be exposed or do something that is even worse and then everyone will no longer associate with me so why even do try in the first place. My main worry is my family and friends. They've always been so good to me and I love them more than I love myself always have and always will. But now I've become the thing we all hate and maybe always have been. I don't know what to do with myself anymore.

I don't know if I deserve self forgiveness or forgiveness in general. Like so what if I feel bad and don't do it again that doesn't change the past. I just want to erase that event from history to go back and take those 30 seconds to 1 minute of bad impulse control back. But I can't.

I just want to know what should I do? I don't know how I can go on living long term with these memories and thoughts I don't want to cause harm.

If this isn't ocd and and I'm making excuses I'm sorry and I hope those who actually have ocd are able to find peace.

I am reposting this with the proper corrections after speaking with the Mods.

I watched porn two nights ago around 10:30pm. It was dark in my room, but I didn't close my bedroom door. It remained open. However , I made sure the volume on my headphones was turned down super low to where I myself could barely even hear it & I also made sure to place my comforter over my phone & body once I realized I was just watching with my door open ... Even in spite of me doing all of that , I still felt weird afterwards that I left the door open. I just didn't feel like shutting it but also more importantly didn't want to seem suspicious or obvious either by closing it that late at night. Plus , both my dad & my brother were snoring & my mom wasnt making noise or moving around the house either. Had they been awake , I would've shut my door. We live in a small apartment, so my room can easily be visible if someone were to have walked through the hallway but since it was super dark in there, I didn't think it would be possible for anyone to have seen anything anyway, except the reflection of my phone's screen light hitting my face. Anyway.. I have felt unsure of whether it was wrong or okay because I took steps to conceal myself & my phone. I have felt guilty for what I did by not closing the door. I wasn't hoping anyone would see me or anything disgusting like that , but I have felt guilty that that could've been a possibility simply because the door was open & I keep ruminating on it feeling bad. The rumination on the guilt is the reason why I'm here. I am NOT seeking reassurance or asking whether or not what i did was wrong or alright. I am only here seeking advice/support specifically regarding the guilty feeling & rumination itself. Thankyou.

I'm about to turn 24.
My OCD has come and gone over the years, and I lost almost all of high school to light switches and bedtime rituals that would go on for hours. I have been slowly putting my life back together since, culminating in a reinvention of myself and the adoption of crossdressing and identifying as a femboy. I don't identify as a woman, but I ended up deciding to begin HRT because of how scared I was about male aging and the joy I felt acting and being feminine while abroad.

I came back from that trip a year ago and began the worst spiral of my life. I'm obsessed with making the right decision on this. I've gone on and off HRT nearly 10 times now; I've booked appointments, ghosted professionals, felt immense joy, then immediately spiraled back to research more.

I've read what you're supposed to do, but telling your OCD something isn't urgent when the decision is genuinely time-sensitive isn't working. I've lost the last year of my life to endless breakdowns, looping, and 5-8 hours of inability to function per day. As the gender concerns have grown and I've been unable to resolve them, all my old triggers have reared their head again. I feel like I'm regressing to non-functionality.

I have friends, I have a supportive family, I have a loving girlfriend, and yet nothing has helped. I'm told to go to therapy, but my OCD over money has gotten worse and worse. I cried for 3 hours after someone spent $10 on me yesterday, and refuse to replace my broken shoes, so how on earth am I supposed to accept the idea of multiple hundred-dollar sessions?

I can't be intimate with my girlfriend without wanting to vomit. Can't spend money or have anything bought for me without immense guilt. I'm 120lbs at 5'7 and choose my food based on my daily weight. I get off HRT and check my hairline obsessively, get on it, and I begin checking my chest. Balloons make me cry.

I don't know what to do anymore. I've been having really dark thoughts, and I just want this torment to be over. The worst part is I know that if I could stop looping that tomorrow, there would be nothing wrong with my life, that I would be surrounded by friends and family who care for me, and that despite any of that, I'm crying like a small child again, and I feel like it will only get worse.

I think it was the worst moment in my whole life. I’ve been having these intrusive thoughts for almost a year. It happened after my mom told me about her colleague who had experience with psychiatric hospital. Then I started learning DBT and found out that Marsha Linehan was at psychiatric hospital too. I got strong obsessions that I have to go through the same experience also. Last year o got drunk and called ambulance telling that I have suicidal thoughts. Hopefully they didn’t take me to the hospital. A week ago it happened again. I got drunk and called ambulance telling the same things. This time they really took me to the psychiatric hospital and I spent 4 days there. I always knew there is nothing to do in such places bcs in my country you’ll feel much worse after you leave. All my friends told me this. I knew this too. For some reason I always wanted to have this experience but subconsciously. My OCD kept telling me do this. I feel so sorry about what happened and I still haven’t recovered from their treatment. The most funny is that doctors said I don’t have ocd and anxiety disorder. That is how psychiatry works in my country.

i got some super bad nightmares last night. i feel so shaken the whole day like as if im pretending to hide this huge secret. in my dream there was blood all over my room because i killed someone, and i recorded it as if i was happy i did it, but then i was conscious and i was like wtf obviously not. it was like as if i was super far away from God like as if i was in hell and i put myself there. every second of the day is just overlayed on top of that feeling and i cant feel happy because of that. its so scary when the day ends and the lights and distractions are all off and im just alone in my bed. im honestly so scared im so shaken up like physically sick. im gonna cut off all my hair cus i dont want anything to do with my past self cus i feel like a sinner or a horrible person. i just hope someone here relates thats all im looking for with this post

I really dislike when I need to pre and my brain says “oh ur getting turned on to kids” or “Oo ur turned on rn” like no brain it’s just pee.

For someone with morality OCD, I became locked into YouTube drama and celebrity scandals as a teenager, and I think it has permanently fucked up my sense of self. I had to leave twitter and threads, and I now heavily control my feed on YouTube.

I feel like some content creators and celebrities should lose their platform, but the lack of nuance in each response has led me to have black and white thinking over my own morality. Especially when people who are black, brown, female or queer are usually smeared twice as a hard as their counterparts. I don’t like seeing someone like me being told they should kill themselves, and it usually ends in a week long obsessive loop where I can barely take care of myself.

The problem is, this has became so pervasive all across the internet, because let’s face it, it sells.

Since trying to stay away from that shit, my mental health has improved. But it’s still an ongoing battle, and now I’m dealing with the idea that avoiding such things on a daily basis makes me a worse person, because now I’m choosing to bury my head in the sand.

My ocd has hit a major spike this past month. I dissociate, have anxiety attacks and ruminate on horrible thoughts. This is one of the worst spells I’ve had in the last decade. I’ve tried talking to others but they just don’t understand so I’m trapped in my own thoughts alone. Meds never helped either so I don’t even want to try them now.

This disease fucking blows

I am thinking about just attempting going completely cold turkey with all compulsions even if it makes me panic for hours. Has anyone just decided one day to be freaking done with it?

I’m having intrusive thoughts about incst.

So long story short is that I was separated from my mother as a baby and we’ve been apart for 25 years.

I had no idea what she looked like or anything but I hired someone in my home country to find her for me and this person did.

I now have a picture of my mother and I finally get to see what she looks like for the first time in my life.

Another note is that I have GSA (Genetic sxl attraction) which is rare but can happen with adoptees.

I know she is my mother but I am having intrusive nsfw thoughts about her and I.

I was ok living without when I didnt know what she looked like and it was just a fantasy with a “lookalike” and I was ok existing with the intrusive thoughts. Now that I know what she looks like and I’m no longer ok coexisting with the intrusive thoughts as now this is about my real biological mother and I know what she looks like and I know a bit about her.

I’m really disgusted with myself and I’m questioning if these intrusive thoughts are really intrusive because of the GSA I’m worried I might actually be attracted to her and I don’t want to be attracted to my mother and this is just so messed up and weird and gross and I want to vomit but at the same time idk. I’m really confused and diagnosing myself. It’s like it’s intrusive but not intrusive, like I want her like that but so genuinely don’t want her like that.

I know I need to see a therapist and that is a priority but that is not an option at all right now.

But yeah, It’s like a mix of intrusive thoughts and confused voluntary thoughts. Idk, I need help.

Bit of a ramble, fair warning.

Been suffering from what I hope is a bout of POCD and I’m currently riding a good wave but it tends to fluctuate pretty rapidly (an hour I’m good, 2 hours not, and so on). My current situation started back in July and originally it had nothing to do with the thoughts I’m dealing with and was instead centered around real event and SA OCD. Those two have more or less subsided and instead this nasty topic has taken their places. To say it’s been a rough go is an understatement, earlier today there was some ideation to give reference to how quickly in a day it can change for me. I do have a therapist though, so I’m not just at this alone.

I just don’t understand some of these feelings, part of me doesn’t trust it’s OCD, some does, and all of me hopes it is. Until recently there felt a sense of condemnation and that it was hopeless. The scrabbling, racing thoughts of my mind have made it hard to listen and practice the things that work on this. Combined with my general impatience and unmedicated impulsivity, I am a compulsions sucker. Sometimes I can try to accept that it is OCD, but sometimes there is a feeling as though a rock sits in my chest that tells me it isn’t, as though the narrative I am cultivating is a thin veneer to mask what’s inside. It doesn’t help that I’ve become less prone to flying off the handle mentally and pouring my attention into the thoughts. Instead, the less energetic reaction following a nasty intrusive thought causes me to feel shame and guilt, as though there was some part that wanted it.

The worst part is the first 6 months of this year were the most alive and at peace I felt with myself ever. I had another episode 2 years ago and I beat the hell out of myself mentally, I cussed, screamed, and willed myself to shun the ideas. That episode lasted about 4 months, but my overall mental health did not improve. I see a pattern in both of these though, when I am tipped past my ability to manage my stress and anxiety, these thoughts occur.

I have never felt any type of way towards kids even within the ballpark of the context of what my mind has shown me over the past two years and now I get hyper vigilant when they’re around in fear of having a thought but less extreme than some of the things I’ve read on here. It kinda feels like how a deer in the forest hears a sound and freezes. I don’t run, but I feel myself trying to make myself ok with their presence. I can’t even hear a vague notion of something related to kids without immediately having an intrusive thought or trying to calm that vigilant feeling.

I’ve felt my anxiety, heart palpitations, terror, shame, guilt, self condemnation for months. I’m just tired, I got to taste what it is to be at peace and now I feel as though I’ve been knocked flat.

I honestly can't believe I did this. I was nervous, but the lead therapist asked what OCD was like for me and I just broke down and started explaining my themes. I didn't get into like the specific thoughts I had, but I shared the themes and was really proud of myself for opening up. She was also very proud.

Handed in my notice today. My OCD got to the point where I am even scared to touch my computer. Endless rituals to make sure every single key press and cursor movement is just right is making me exhausted after just 5 minutes of work. It makes me cry every single day. Anxiety is through the roof.

Eventually taking a break from my hard earned career to focus on my health. I am in ERP therapy but while that fixes my issues, it is getting unbearable to continue working. But every time I think how hard I worked for my career, and now giving it up for this stupid evil demonic disease, I cannot stop crying.

Just venting out here cause I am having a hard time making my loved ones understand what I am going through.

every time i eat something i imagine myself chewing on a live animal. ik it’s really gross. like recently there was a mouse in my house, shit it still might be here, but ever since that i’ve been imagining a mouse and i’m just eating it live. or if there’s just like my dog around me it happens and i physically cannot eat and feel so sick. the main reason i think i feel sick is because i feel so bad that im having the thought of hurting an animal. and don’t get me wrong im not a vegan or anything and really dont plan on being one. like earlier i was eating a cheese pizza and it happened. idk wtf to do anymore it’s truly affecting me and i can only eat once a day. i looked it up on google, which probably wasn’t smart cause it’s dumb asf, and the first thing that came up was an ED hotline or some shit. i used to have an ed but it was yearssss ago and didn’t last for more than a year. i don’t think it affected me much either. idk im rambling now. if anyone has any advice please let me know because it’s getting out of hand. i just want to be able to eat normally without feeling so gross. (ALSO IM NOT SAYING I HAVE OCD, IT JUST POPPED UP)

I had POCD and successfully went through therapy and conquered those thoughts. For a long time I’ve had other thoughts and just up until today I didn’t realize it might be considered moral OCD. I feel I suffer from many themes but since dealing with POCD and going through the agonizing mental pain that put me through other themes don’t seem as bad and I can usually apply the same techniques.

I imagine having to choose an agonizing terrible death for myself or for my wife and kids. I then think of the terrible death and it’s usually the same or consistent conditions. I then question myself and fear I wouldn’t be able to go through with it and would let my family suffer.

Do you think this would be OCD or not, it doesn’t stress me out and make me upset as POCD did but it does bother me a little. It’s one I’ve had even before having a family.

I’m a very observant person and I use it to keep myself safe but I can’t stop myself from going too far with it. I ruminate too much on everything, everything and everyone is out to get me. I don’t understand how when I’m with someone I can feel so much love towards them and have so much fun but as soon as I’m not around them I start thinking about how they’re probably using me or faking how much they like me or that they’re not really that good of a person and I nit pick things they’ve said, micro expressions, and tone and I use it as evidence. I’ve stopped dating because of this, I feel insane when I’m dating. But I’m starting to get this way with everyone in my life, I feel lonely and it’s completely my fault. I have so many friends and family that i think loves me but in my head I can’t stop myself from thinking it’s all a lie. I keep everyone at arms length incase it is. When things come to be true it just fuels the fire. I’m catching myself trying to isolate as protection and I’m fighting against it by making myself join and create groups and hang out with friends but the anxiety before and after feels like it’s boiling me alive. I know so much of it is in my head but I can’t tell the difference between anxiety and intuition. Apart from my relationships I’m also holding myself back from living. I want to go so many things two of the main ones being selling my arts and crafts and the other traveling but I have a fear of never getting far, of failing, of my creations not being good enough and of being attacked or dying when traveling. I want to do van life but I can’t stop over thinking that I might have something wrong with my health. Pain in my leg? Maybe it’s a blood clot. Issues with my period? Must be hormonal issues. Irregular bowel movement? Colon cancer or I’ll have to get my gallbladder removed. I just want all the noise in my head to stop. Sorry this is so long but if you’ve read it all I appreciate you.

Hi all,

I was diagnosed with OCD a few months ago, i’ve had a lot of trouble accepting this and wondering if it’s something I actually have or if i’ve just convinced my doctor that I have this and ive actually just been struggling with anxiety. My partner and i have been together a few years, live together and we have a child.

I’m really struggling with ROCD, it makes me feel so insane and i need to know if anyone has experienced this. My partner and I have an active sex life, 6-7 times a week, he is a great human being literally one of the best i’ve ever met. I feel like im ruining him, i keep getting thoughts that he’s watching porn / looking at other women secretly and lying to me about it. I get thoughts / almost like images in my brain about him with previous partners. I think that i’m not good enough for him sexually, i don’t look as good as women online. I can’t watch movies with nudity because it triggers me and I mean I spiral so much and i lose control of my thoughts.

I feel like such an embarrassment, I just want my brain to relax. I don’t want this to impact my partner anymore and i’m looking for some advice

Maybe this is just conditioning from managing others' reactions or outcomes, but does anyone else constantly aecond guess interactions with others to ensure you didnt say or do anything that could "threaten" your safety or peace?

Ive had multiple jobs where I was in toxic work environments and am suffering from PTSD as a result, as well as struggled with OCD since teenagehood. Im constantly criticizing myself for having emotional reactions to inconveniences or moments of overwhelm and im just trying to not be such a freaking basket case and loser over all this. To this day, I struggle with feeling safe as it feels im always on watch or a target somehow.

Anyone else ever feel like this or experience this?

does poor sleep make it much worse? ive found that to be the case for myself

my ocd has manipulated and hurt me in so many ways I’m so tired it got so bad it makes me use escapis just to survive im so tired I don’t want to kms I just want to live a happy life but i get scared people will find out about my ocd and what it’s put me through and blame me instead of it I’m scared Ive only been 18 for 5 months and instead of feeling like life is starting all I want is to die painlessly