I can relate - Today is definitely one of those days where I feel like I should just sew my mouth shut, and bury my face; I can't be wrong if I don't exist, right?

Sigh.

How are you, though?

I'm not really sure if its something that has to have a formal diagnosis or not but im almost certain that i have body dysmorphia and it honestly sucks. I desperately want to feel like im not unattractive and undesirable and i juat want to be happy in my skin.

Im curious as to whether its just me in my head or if im not wrong regarding my self esteem... ive always been pretty self conscious about myself and i just genuinely dont know if im in my head and over thinking or if im not wrong. I really feel weird posting a picture of myself anywhere because of self esteem and confidence so im posting this way instead. Message me with a chat request and ill be more than happy to give more context.

Soo stuck in a forced arranged marriage and I need to get out of it. It's an extremely exhausting process and Im all alone. Im tired of being interrogated by everyone and there's so much more to come. I sit in anxiety all day. I need someone to make this disappear.

I doubt most of you can make sense of what im talking about.

“[I]” I don’t know if you guys know about Cookie Run Braverse Trading Card Game, but I received three warning from the braverse official card game discord server of 9,000 people. First warning was a bit of my breast line showing, and I don’t know the second warning perhaps spamming, and the third was because I accidentally did not have pants on half asleep and the very second I fixed it yet that was the last straw and I got banned from that server when I clearly learned my lesson and keep clothing on. I got banned from two local card shops madness games and comics and lone star pack breaks, and I’m trying to desperately find a community who can play with me for cookie run braverse trading card game….. that is comfortable. I want to enjoy a game. I guess my mouth was just running it by itself. I let my mouth run because I was told this community is nice. So now without friends who taught me how to socialize… I learned it the brutal way, and wished I found a friend who likes playing matches with me for cookie run braverse trading card game and keeps help comfort me… so…. I’m trying to trust this community with this confession, hoping I get good comfort messages. If I feel uncomfortable with any person replying I will remove this post.

​

It doesn't matter if it is something trivial or heavy, whether you wanna share your favorite song or tell about what's been bothering you, I'm here. You can reach out!

19 vet student, tired of being lonely and pretending I'm fine (OCD, anxiety, lots of feelings)

Hi everyone. I'm 19, in my second year of vet school, and I'm writing this because I'm honestly tired of feeling alone.

I have OCD (I hid it for four years before I could finally get help) and anxiety, and I take medication for both. I also suspect I might have ADHD and some borderline traits, but nothing is diagnosed. My OCD is mostly intrusive thoughts and guilt. I replay things in my head, look for proof that I did something wrong, and feel the need to "review" my day before I can move on. It's exhausting.

My emotions are a rollercoaster. I'm talkative and I open up easily, but part of me is always waiting to be betrayed, so I regret it right after. I'm scared of being abandoned, of never being loved, and of getting bored once someone's affection is "guaranteed". As a kid I was the clown who loved making people react, and I think I still am, to hide how much I need to be seen and appreciated.

Home has never felt warm. I always had food and a roof, but love felt conditional, and I think that's why I chase approval so much.

I've had two relationships with girls. One was on and off, with someone who kept leaving and coming back, and I got hurt a lot. The other was short and ended because my OCD was at its worst. I stayed "just friends" with both while still having feelings, held on to resentment, and lashed out when I was hurting. I'm tired of this pattern and want to learn healthier boundaries.

At school I did well in first year, but I feel like a fraud. I feel like I've forgotten everything and will be incompetent later. I also worry about finding a job after graduating.

What I love: anime (Bleach, Hunter x Hunter), phonk, gacha games, running, and deep conversations about life, morality and dreams. I'm bi and an atheist.

Throwaway. I know I was stupid and I don’t need anyone else telling me where I went wrong, I know that but this has been stressing me out for like over half a year.

I was in desperate need for money and I posed on Reddit for advice. A guy messaged me saying that he would pay me for nudes. At first I didn’t wanna and asked for payment upfront, but he convinced me that he wasn’t comfortable because he’d been scammed before. I was really desperate and I wanted to believe that things would get better. I have never sent nudes to anyone but my boyfriend. He’s the only person I’ve ever even kissed.

I have nothing against sex work but it was never ever something I would have considered had I not been desperate. We get on telegram and he’s asking questions like he wants to get to know me and then the sexting starts. He’s asking for specific poses and stuff. I send them. I feel physically ill the whole time. Then we get to the end where he says he’s gonna cum soon and then boom the whole thing disappears in a fucking thanos snap animation. It felt like I was being mocked. I started flipping out and I texted him on Reddit, he said that all the pictures had been deleted in telegram. Then he blocked me. It’s been over a year and it still keeps me up at night, he’s never reached out.

I keep wondering if one day these pictures will come back and bite me and ruin my life and I haven’t felt normal or okay ever since. I feel disgusting in my body and not like myself. I don’t want to look nice or wear the things I used to wear. I don’t want to be seen anymore.

Thanks for listening.

[L] I am 25 I am diagnosed with BPD and CPTSD. As a child I was very very angry and had extreme aggression until I was probably 10?? I have not hit anyone since then expect the two times with my ex, With everything I am about to say I cannot figure out if this is reactive abuse or just me being an abuser. All I know is I feel extreme guilt and I do not want to ever do that again

For the last year, my boyfriend has been so emotionally abusive towards me.

Getting angry at me for spending time with family and friends, forcing me to cut ties with them. or If I talk about happy memories he shits on them and says I glorify the relationship he's the only one that has ever been nice to me. Which for a long time I believed it. Calling me a bitch, whore, a cunt, I will die alone, psycho, jealous of his daughter, insecure, stupid, dumb, crazy, I overshare with my mom about our relationship, the list goes on. Gaslighting me. Mocking me. Laughing at me. Making me feel like a constant disappointment and stupid. Picking my actions apart. Silencing my own opinions. Making me feel bad for having a job, I ended up switching jobs. Anytime I ever ever ever felt hurt or upset and tried to communicate he said say "I guess I will not have an opinion its always fuck *his name* Ill just shut up". Which that is not what I am saying but it turns into an hour long conversation I'm confused about why I was even upset, I am apologizing, and he is bringing up every shitty thing I have ever done. Accusing me of cheating for having a old man neighbor that text me at night because my neighbor and I feed deer (I live alone). He threw my phone. I have autistic meltdowns that are only provoked by him, I need pressure to calm down, he gets angry calls me crazy and grabs my wrist so hard I have marks (which I did not ask for that I asked for a strong hug), threw my vape, tried to pick me up and throw me out of his room said " Gtfo of my life, gtfo of my apartment, gtfo of my house, but when I went home he called me back and convinced me to drive back to his apartment.

I do not want to go into the reasons why I hit him, but I hit him twice, I just flipped. The first time I hit him he said that was my one of I did it again he was not going to take it. The second time he chocked me 4 times. I was terrified. I threw his phone (it broke my TV) I threw coke on him and a chair. I know my actions were NOT okay. The first time I hit him I drove my self to the mental hospital after. But I hit him the first time I hit him again after he gave me the warning. I feel like an abuser. I will like I am broken emotionally. I feel like I am not allowed to feel the way I feel because I did that. I feel like I am not allowed to feel like any of the abuse was abuse because I hit him first.

Am I even allowed to feel like a DV Victim if I hit first and if I am why do people not talk about DV victims hitting first if that is even true. Please no judgement I am so humiliated about this I am talking to the internet, which is a mean place specifically reddit, I know me hitting him is abuse that is why I am confused. I cannot handle being shitted on

Edit : I have a therapist and I am medicated. I have recourses and ways to get help and grow. I just needed to vent and get person to person perspective instead of just my therapist.

how is everyone doing today I like to listen and I want everyone to feel heard and important so if you need someone Im here

I am alone at the hospital and recently I spent my birthday alone.

I just want to talk to someone.

I used to have this person, who was a girl, and she was very important to me. We would message everyday, whenever we could and we were each other’s emotional support without realizing it. Someone who is always there and you can share anything with. If anyone understands and feels the same way, please DM me.

If anyone needs someone to talk to and don’t have anyone, I’ll chat with you. 30M

Discord = neo_phyxius

Is that weird? I feel like that might be weird. It just feels like I do everything for everyone, and I get nothing in return. I feel alone, and I want to be taken care of and doted on a little. I don't know... I'll probably just delete this. I'm kind of depressed. 💀

I'm 18f and for the longest time I so badly didn't want to be seen as attention seeking or annoying by talking about my problems to people, like having depression or honestly anything. But now I feel like I literally can't talk about anything emotional with people. Over the summer I was having a vacation with some of my closest friends, and they were sharing personal things, and they asked me and I just couldn't say anything. Today again another friend asked me something specific and I really did want to tell her but I just can't. Idek

For context, I'm a 37F that lives with my parents. At the beginning of this year, I had plans to work on a whole budget plan so that I can finish paying off my remaining student loan then begin saving to move out.

My my father kept asking to "borrow" a lot of money from me. I usually don't mind helping financially since I love my dad, but this was more money than I usually give. He claimed that he would pay me back last month, but it's October now. And I can't ask him about it now because he just had surgery for a fractured foot and he's upset about it.

I was okay with it at first, but I've been having a lot of things come up, such as paying to replace a broken windshield and urgent care for bronchitis. And it's been practically impossible to recover financially to allow me to pay extra on my last loan and get it done quicker.

I want to move out so badly since there's been so much tension between my parents and it's been suffocating me. Lately, thinking about this has been making me burst into tears, knowing that I'm stuck here. The most I have done is open a savings and have it automatically withdraw once a week, but who knows how long that will take to make enough to leave. The only light of hope I have is that a friend of mine offered to room with her after she finishes law school, but I want to maybe go on a long trip with her first to make sure we're compatible as roommates.

I'm just feeling full of despair right now, knowing I'm doomed to be trapped in my parents house because of my dad taking money and not paying me back like he promised.

Hey guys I am 35 male.
just wanted to talk a bit, since I am under too much pressure that haven’t experienced to this scale and to be honest at this stage don’t have many people to talk with in this deep level.

Maybe it will be helpful for me.
Well I came to Germany around 5-6 years ago and work in IT sector,
I always had a good life, in my home country, and here in Germany.
there were always problems that annoy of course or things become difficult or different sort of challenges, but all of them were passing eventually.
But I lost my job about 2 years ago. Had very bad experience in my dating, and since then it is just continuing and it never stopped.
I always tried, I looked for job, I learned, tried to open my business.
But very interestingly, everything was failing non stop.
And at this point after 2 years, I still couldn’t find job and many more things got added up.
I was in a relationship, and very close to a marriage. But it didn’t work and of course it hurts deep losing someone you think could be your “the one”.
I had visa issue since I lost my job and very close to not be able to extend and had to go back to my home country, which is not safe also and gave enormous stress.
Since I was in IT sector I used English, but past months I tried to make my German in a better level which going very slow even that I had some good progress before. And this takes lots of energy.
Tried my business but couldn’t push it forward since cant focus on one thing.
Tried to get different sort of jobs but each of them interestingly failed, even that some of them I was sure I am so close to get them.
And nowadays I am struggling with money issue for the first time in my life which is really not nice and has many bad consequences, and it can lead again me not being able to stay here.
I have money for 3-4 months of my living now, and it is such a huge pressure.
I have a customer that I made his company platform, he is playing games and not paying me up yet. And it is giving me lots of stress which is unusual for me.
Also past months, I talked with German offices to give me permission so I can work part time at least any job I want(non IT related), for months I talked to them but they rejected it, so I even cant cover my life with doing some non-IT job temporary which based on chat gpt, I am eligible to get it, but end of the day, they have the saying for it.
They say bring a contract first for those jobs.
And if I go find. Non-IT jobs, they tell me first get the permission and then we give you the job. So it is like a circle that I can meet up requirement because it needs the other part first.

And all I want is to be able to pay my life.
I used to have blue card, I paid tax for years here. And they are making my life so hard.
some people tell me why you are making your life so hard, just do things illegally and earn the money you want, but I never done things illegally my life and not interested in it, thats why I am trying so hard to find a way.
But anyway…
Everyday lots of rejection everywhere, from jobs that I apply, from paperworks, tax office problems,
I am so overwhelmed …
Past months I tried to give myself lots of self motivation ( I am very good at giving people motivation, hope and all and I do it all the time towards people around me or even strangers)
I tried to keep my motivation high with staying social, going to hikes, dancing, making new friends, gym, German class.
But now the pressure became too high that I started disfunctioning…
Yesterday I skipped a class of mine, today I skipped a German class…
Past days I was home mostly
And I have done some attempts still, like waking up6 am and be productive, taking walks, talking to parents or friends.
I am doing anything in the book.
This is just too much pressure,
And there are many more, its like a long long list of things that doesn’t work
Thats why I am taking it slow for one day or two, and I try to give myself time. Just sad that I cant talk much
I really show lots of empathy towards people and try to be there for them whenever they are down or in fears. And I wonder why when I am in this low state, why people avoid me and not showing the care and empathy a bit more.
And of course it is just my feelings and thoughts, they can do whatever they want. Just that makes me sad and wonder. And also it doesn’t matter at this point.

I feel so alone, so desperate at this moment.
I have huge goals, it is not about me being successful or being rich.
It’s about making this world better or helping people.
But thats funny how life twists and make things so difficult, that I even cant take care of myself
And I like challenge , I do my best always.
Just this time it became too long, and I dont have any emotional support and I am very drained. I am fighting this for a long time, and at this point I don’t have a safe shoulder to put my head on.
I can date, I have it physically, but, what I mean is some deeper connection who cares and its not related to gender.

But yeah… just shared a tiny bit of my feelings here, and hoped it could be helpful for me.
Kinda dumped random thoughts of mine here, maybe it doesn’t make sense to most people.
I just hope things works.
Right now it is too scary, and never been this low really… hope this pass quickly too.

Is anyone else like me?

When I get angry, I can't scream. I can't yell. I can't even get the harsh words out, no matter how badly I want to.

Instead, I cry.

The angrier I feel inside, the harder it is to speak. I try to open my mouth to shout, to let everything out, to finally say what I've been holding back… but all that comes out is tears.

And the more I try to hold them back, the harder I cry.

Sometimes, I'm not crying because I'm sad. I'm crying because I'm SO angry, so frustrated, and have so much bottled up inside me that I don't know how to let it out.

It's frustrating when your heart is screaming, but your voice can't seem to do the same.

Sometimes, the anger is so deep, but all people see are your tears. They don't realize how much you're holding inside or how badly you want to scream, because all you can do is cry.

Please tell me I'm not the only one. Does this happen to you, too? 🥺❤️

At 27 I'm working full time with a decent job, and I'm getting my life together and losing weight and overall just trying my best. But I still live in the house I came home to after I was born, with just my mother. My father had a new family and is now dead, and my sister is 11 years older than me and was out of the house by the time I started kindergarten. So my entire life has pretty much been just me and my mom.

I am resentful of how despite how hard I've worked and everything I've done in my career, I've been careless with myself and my money to the point where I am a pathetic single man living with his mother. I am so incredibly lonely all the time. I can barely appreciate the good relationship I have with my mother because I am so extremely resentful of the fact that I still live with her. I am stuck in the same place, physically and metaphorically, that I have been in since I was born. My life hasn't moved at all. And what's even worse is that when my mother is away for work I turn into even more of pathetic mess because being completely by myself in an empty house is torture. When I'm not working, I pretty much just rewatch familiar TV shows and try not to lose my mind because I literally cannot feel comfortable anywhere I am without hearing familiar voices.

I despise myself. Sincerely and fully. I'm several years clean from self-harm, but it's on my mind weekly anyway. My friends and even my therapist have pretty much told me that they don't want to hear anything about how I feel unless I'm telling them what I'm trying to do better. That, and at my age I don't think I can really rely on my friends to know or care how I feel. And it will be a cold day in hell before I turn to my mother for help. So I really don't have anywhere to go anymore.

I dont know and i will never know if i did the right decision but let me just say that im a horrible person very bad human i dont deserve to be loved or even alive, i know myself better than anyone i really wont love me if i was someone else not even talk to me at all i would just be disgusted whenever i look at me.
but there is this one girl who is the sweetest person Ive ever met, so innocent so kind so friendly and more… and seems so easy to be manipulated by me so yeah i took my chance and grabbed her, first i had a pure intentions i loved her i really did, she loved me but not actually the real me. She knows me as the good guy who doesn’t lie who is really nice. She doesn’t know that all my life to her is a lie she doesn’t know that im not real she doesn’t know my porn addiction and she doesn’t know my affairs she only knew me as the loyal guy and the only good for her, but despite of my horrible personality i treated her with such kindness and so gentle with her and i have teached her a lot of things that i wish i teach them to myself, so yeah im a complete different person when im around her but as soon as she’s not around i get back to my horrible self. The time walks by and i gradually started to sexualize her by asking her to take pictures of herself in a certain way so i jerk off on them and i she didn’t know anything about that she is really innocent person she thought i just checked on her or something like that ngl i also wanted to check on her but also i had that intention of jerking off on her, i have made her happier than she ever was before me “ she said that” and also she said im the best relationship she ever has, and she never feel loved from anyone like she did with me and she never loved someone like she loved me, the thing that i wanna say here is my love to her was real i dont know how i really loved her with all my heart but i don’t know why i was like that, sometimes i just wonder if I have multiple personalities or something like that or if i have mental issues, i still don’t get to the worst part from all this but i know that this is enough for anyone who reads this to hate me
so this girl met me when i was feeling lonely and sad in my life we were friends for 6 months and i always like her friendship and after that we slowly became close and close and one day i ask her that do you think we could be something and she says do you think we can do it ?( she means make the relationship works cuz we are like 13,269 km far from each other ) and at that time i wasn’t thinking i was just wanted to be with her so i said lets do it and see what’s gonna happen, i thought her answer was no but after a lot of time she told me that my answer was yes but i didn’t ’t get it, anyway the point is i was just wanted to feel loved by her and love her, im such a bad human.
This is the worse part of my story, i met this girl on an app where we can talk to strangers and my intentions was to jerk off with her but she didn’t understand what that means cuz she’s innocent and my good personality liked that and i wanted to keep her as a friend so i ask her what year did she born and she said 2000 and stupid me selfish me disgusting me loser me said that im the same age, but the truth is i was born in 2008, we had 8 years different i lie that i am 8 years older what kind of human am i? Im wondering if still can call myself a human, the problem is that she always call me mature and something like that , i wanna say sorry to her, if i apologies for the rest of my life it won’t be enough.
My decision was 10 days ago when i ended the relationship with her in a good way i didn’t tell her about anything, i just told her that we cant marry bcuz we are so far from each other i make this excuse cuz what a trauma that i will give her if she knows that, she might be so miserable then now maybe she wont trust anyone anymore and i dont want her to feel like that bcuz of a loser like me i only want the good for her.
I know my words doesn’t make sense but i swear it doesn’t make sense for me too.

I cant even recognize myself anymore, who am i or what am I ?

Life feels lonely as of late. Its so hard to make friends as it is, I've never really had many people in my life, so when I met my online friend life felt like it had colour.

I thought we clicked so well but they ghosted me. I didn't realise how alone I was until I met them, and when they ghosted me I wasn't expecting the deafening silence that is my life.

I feel lost.

I could really use some conversations with good people, show me there's some good out there in the world? I really need it.

Hello everyone, i have had a troubled childhood, and a month ago i was met with very turbulent ghosts of the past. I am doing fine now. It made me remember how tenderly humans should be treated like. I am no therapist or an expert, but if you just need some stranger to talk to you, i am offering internet hugs, handshakes or whatever you need <3. Feel free to reach out, i know a simple conversation can never fix any issues, but for that moment it might make you feel less alone.

19, vet student, tired of being lonely and pretending I'm fine (OCD, anxiety, lots of feelings)

Hi everyone. I'm 19, in my second year of vet school, and I'm writing this because I'm honestly tired of feeling alone.

I have OCD (I hid it for four years before I could finally get help) and anxiety, and I take medication for both. I also suspect I might have ADHD and some borderline traits, but nothing is diagnosed. My OCD is mostly intrusive thoughts and guilt. I replay things in my head, look for proof that I did something wrong, and feel the need to "review" my day before I can move on. It's exhausting.

My emotions are a rollercoaster. I'm talkative and I open up easily, but part of me is always waiting to be betrayed, so I regret it right after. I'm scared of being abandoned, of never being loved, and of getting bored once someone's affection is "guaranteed". As a kid I was the clown who loved making people react, and I think I still am, to hide how much I need to be seen and appreciated.

Home has never felt warm. I always had food and a roof, but love felt conditional, and I think that's why I chase approval so much.

I've had two relationships with girls. One was on and off, with someone who kept leaving and coming back, and I got hurt a lot. The other was short and ended because my OCD was at its worst. I stayed "just friends" with both while still having feelings, held on to resentment, and lashed out when I was hurting. I'm tired of this pattern and want to learn healthier boundaries.

At school I did well in first year, but I feel like a fraud. I feel like I've forgotten everything and will be incompetent later. I also worry about finding a job after graduating.

What I love: anime (Bleach, Hunter x Hunter), phonk, gacha games, running, and deep conversations about life, morality and dreams. I'm bi and an atheist.