You just KNOW when you see us >>>>

My 42F ISFP best friend of 22 years doesn’t seem to ever care about seeing me (44F ENTJ) in real life. She has always been strangely precious to me. Ive never had someone make me feel so safe, accepted, and amused. After 16ish years of mutual behavior, she began seeming reluctant/burdened/too-tired to see me in real life very often over the last 6 years.
 
We live compatible lives. Children of similar ages who get along, same incomes, live 30 min away from each other, mutual friends, etc.
 
She still would text daily and say things like “everyone makes me crazy but you” “we should try to go on a trip together this summer” “you should come over to watch that movie soon” but never follows through anymore. I see her only at group events a few times a year. She seems so exhausted and burdened by absolutely any upcoming event. She never wants to plan anything. I can’t help but take it extremely personally at this point.
 
Ive explained this to her a few times now. In 2022, 2025 and two weeks ago. Both times she said she sucks and is awful and she hates herself, and then we barely talk for a few months and then go back to normal. We will see what happens with this time.
 
She does see mom friends but she says she has to or her son will be excluded from events. She also has a work good friend that I think she sees a lot more often than she lets on.
 
Ive never been jealous in any way. I always had too many friends and overcommitted myself and ive never been needy of anyone in my life, but here I am, middle-aged, and so mopey and sad that this friend doesn’t prioritize me.
 
Ive tried holding back on how much I talk about “why people are the way they are” and other abstract things that were never that interesting to her.
 
She very often talks about being unhappy in her life, but when I begin talking about ideas to help, or just processes of acceptance, she goes silent. So then I switched gears and tried to be like “lets do crafts with our daughters and have movies playing in the background” and all light-hearted, creative stuff—but no. I also tried to just help her run errands or organize her basement, but no.
 
Does she flat-out not like me anymore/moved-on from me and I’m not getting the hint? Or is her capacity for friendships/events truly so low she can’t fit me in for years? I really do not understand ISFPs at all so I’m struggling so much here.

Dear ISFPs,

Supposed you have a temporary work situation where you are in a toxic environment, no weekends, working 56-70 hours/week for 3-6 months. You are burned out, stressed, overwhelmed, overworked.

You then ghost a person you like, and whom you did not inform of your circumstances (other than a general 'work is tough'). That miscommunication caused that person to spend time, money, and be confused - and ultimately, step away.

At the end of that work situation, and after some recovery time, would you reach out or let the person just go?

If you do reach out, would you try to fix the misunderstanding or sweep things under the rug as if nothing has happened hoping just to move forward?

Are you experiencing every waking moment through smell, taste, touch, sound and sight?

I am learning to cultivate a more sensory practice in my life and work and wanted to learn from those who
Live this way.

To all isfps, do you struggle with choosing career?, i find it hard to know my passion, i’ve done a business administration major but still hesitant on deciding where i fit, and i doubt my skills alot :(

I had a date with this girl whom I’m certain to be an ISFP and we clicked really well. I felt like we were on the same wavelength (and I think she felt the same way) and share lots of common values as well as hobbies. She was really nice, gentle, caring, and attentive to me and we fell for each other even more after the date.

We were supposed to have another date afterwards, but she postponed it for work reasons, which I understood and didn’t rush her. In the meantime my feelings for her got deeper and I was thinking of her constantly.

I told my friend that I’m seeing this girl thinking he wouldn’t know her, but then he told me that he knew her because he works with the girl’s friend (I’ll call her B) and B told him that she got fired from her previous job for making inappropriate/sexual jokes at work that made her coworkers feel uncomfortable; B also told him that she seemed bipolar (I don’t think she meant it as a medical condition, but just as in experiencing extreme mood swings like suddenly snapping at people at work).

I was so shocked when I first heard about what happened (although I don’t know for sure whether B’s allegations were true), because (1) she implied in our conversation that she quit her previous job, instead of getting laid off; (2) she seemed really considerate of others’ feelings and surroundings so I can’t wrap my head around why and how she would do such things that make others feel uncomfortable or cross professional/personal boundaries, especially by making sexual jokes about a coworker; and (3) she also didn’t seem like someone who would randomly yell at people or get irrationally angry.

I kind of understand (1) because it’d be embarassing to tell a romantic interest that she got fired, but what I really can’t understand and concerns me is (2) and (3). I only date people with whom I can envision long-term compatibility, and if what B said is true, she might not be a trustworthy/reliable long-term partner.

To give you a fuller picture, the environment she was working in is known to be toxic with lots of pressure, deadlines, and hierarchy, and possibly with a lot of jerks too. I’m thinking that might have contributed to her behavior, but I still can’t understand how she could become a completely different person and whether her side I’ve experienced is true… and whether I can see her as a long-term partner.

She has lots of good sides too like caring for animals, vulnerable communities, and her family and friends whom she’s known for years. She’s been also really sweet to me so I still care about her deeply. It’s just really confusing to me because I feel like these are completely opposite versions of the same person…

If anyone can help me understand her behavior or share their similar experiences, I’d really appreciate it. Also I’d appreciate any advice on what I should do on my relationship with her moving forward. Thanks a lot for reading!

so i had a isfp friend that i met through work.
we knew eachother for basically two years and got pretty close, but ill admit it was sort of awkward at times to do activities. her favourite thing to do was talk about what’s happening or has happened and showing me her camera roll of said events. i tried bringing up my interests like mbti, movies, art, or music but it fell flat. despite this we had a good sense of humour and talked about life and deeper things. i was there for her and helped her out a lot with transport and her house, maybe i should’ve given her an opportunity to do the same but i was guarded.

but then it all went to shit when she was promoted to work alongside me. it became weird like none of the bond we had meant anything and she was resentful of me. i’m not sure why because it’s not like i was messing up or anything she just didn’t like communicating and would freak out over very fixable things. she started yelling about the weirdest things like not using the same pen and me asking her if she’s hot in a jumper. and when i told her to calm down she yelled at me and got in my face.

this continued for half a year until i stopped hanging out with her completely and almost everyday we’d fight at work and genuinely i tried my absolute best to smooth things over, and said “what can we do to not fight”. then she’d say it doesn’t matter because she was leaving the job soon. i felt like none of the time spent together mattered to her or all.

i don’t think i’ve met enough isfps to know if it’s related to mbti at all, but my hunch is it’s related to Se and Ne differences. i want to understand what happened and thought maybe you guys could share your opinions.

What do you guys get? Well i got 'Patient, OutSpoken, Dramatic, Passionate'. Strangely soon after the 4th finding i got a 5th one, 'insecure'👁️👄👁️

i think i am ISFP i self typed as one, but people saying im ESTP, or ENFP at least online. IRL im really shy, and quiet, but really wild and weird and talkative when opened up. I also got diagnosed with selective mutism.

But idk im very critical of bad smells, experiences, and get really mad if i dont get a good experience in a while, common example is "hangry", or blaming the cook for the bad food, and how it should be improved, and i take pride in the meals i make. IDK, also im sensitive in all ways, i dont like touching people, nor being touched, and get offended easily.

But i feel kinda lazy unless im very inspired and know what i want, and can do what i want. IDK usually im really calm and normal, and happy, but i can change emotions in a second especially if i get triggered by those things i mentioned, or someone does something i find disgusting, like acting in a very bad way, saying words that describe human waste even in swearing, i dont swear cuz i just cant say it, unless im very angry, and lose it.

I espcially value and protect my hair, and my appearance, with my life, nothing decides that, but since i follow religion, i have to sacrifice part of that, because im sacred of pain and Hell, so i did scrifice my customisability, of myself of however i want, but now i live very depressed and pessimistic.

im a very pessimistic person, the future im unsure about, but i think it may work out but i dont wanna jinx it ToT!!!!

tbh im very annoying in my family, because i have a lot of potential and ability, especially in smarts or tactical intelligence, but way too selective which what i pursue unless it aligns completely with what i deem right.

But i cant tell if i have Fe or Fi? i mean i tell others to be nice, and not be angry for small things, and tell them to act with "class" and not like animals, mostly because i find it disturbing, and usually tell my parents to enforce it because my siblings dont listen to me, even when being the oldest.

i hate seeing people in pain, because i just imagine how much i would be in pain, and i dont wanna do something to someone else unless i could take that pain as well, i guess my empathy works like that.

i have come across as insensitive though, its hard to know if what i say will be ok with others, so i check to see what others are doing/saying, to know whats right and wrong, or allowed and not allowed, but even then i feel blind to it, so being in public i hold my breath, because i dont wanna come across as creepy or something i dont resonate with

idk a fun fact but i play games for fun usally and im not that good at getting high on leaderboards, and often want to be the best, like the highest ever, but i never do, but idk.

but thankyou!!!

I’m an ENFP and my ex is an ISFP. We broke up about six months ago, and I’d really like to hear from ISFPs about how his behavior might have felt from his side.

Obviously MBTI can’t explain an entire relationship.
I’m mainly curious whether any of this resonates with the way ISFPs process emotions, pressure, relationships, and breakups.

We had a really intense, affectionate 4 months. He was actually the one who seemed more certain. He told me he was crazy about me, talked about our future, and told me and others it was the happiest he’d been in his adult life and that he’d never been in a relationship like ours before. His family and lifelong friends all said they’d never seen him so happy or in love and that we would probably get married. We lived 2.5 hours away, but saw each other most weekends, talked every day for hours, often fell asleep on FaceTime, and were extremely close. He wrote me beautiful love letters and text messages. Our personalities clicked beautifully It honestly felt like a fairytale.

Then, seemingly very overnight, he started withdrawing.

For roughly the last 5–6 weeks of our relationship, he became much quieter and less affectionate. Pet names and affectionate texts basically disappeared. In person he usually avoided eye contact, although he would initially light up when he saw me but then seemed to suppress it or put a wall up. He would shut down during emotional conversations and frequently say things like, “I don’t know what to say.”

At the same time, he was going through a LOT personally. Financial/career problems, depression, spiritual struggles, and a general feeling that his life was falling apart. He even didn’t have a car at the time. He told me things like:
“I’m in over my head.”
“I’m not where I need to be as a man.”
“I need a lot of help.”
“I’ve been scared to get close.”
“I’m a very weak person emotionally.”
“I don’t need to be in a relationship with anyone.”

I continued to fight for the relationship.

The confusing part is that he still contacted me every day during much of this period. He hadn’t simply disappeared or acted completely indifferent. It felt more like he was emotionally shutting down while still remaining attached.

Eventually I became anxious because I could feel him pulling away. I pushed for answers and reassurance, and toward the end I said some things I regret. At one point I basically told him that if he didn’t want me, someone else eventually would, and I questioned why he was pushing away a person who loved him. We rarely argued, but for the first time, I spoke really sharp. I know that probably added pressure when he was already overwhelmed and I know that ISFPS are conflict avoidant.

Shortly before our breakup he said he’d be really sad even if he broke up with me because he’d been really happy, and later apologized for how he had treated me during those final weeks.

When we broke up, he cried. Sobbed even. I begged him to reconsider. What seemed to touch him the most is when he said “I’m not where I need to be as a man” and I replied, “I didn’t love you for that stuff. I loved you for who you are”, at which tears wouldn’t stop flowing.

He said things like:
“I know you thought you could count on me and I switched up on you.”
“I’d rather hurt someone now than in a year.”
“What if I’m not ready for a year or two?”
“I didn’t say I didn’t still like you.”
“I still have feelings.”

What I struggle to understand is how someone can go from being extremely affectionate and future-oriented to emotionally shutting down so dramatically. It was like a switch flipped when he started struggling personally and I didn’t know how to help him.

For the ISFPs here, I’d especially love your perspective on a few things:

When you’re deeply overwhelmed or ashamed of where you are in life, do you tend to withdraw even from someone you love instead of fighting for the relationship?

Can relationship pressure make you feel like you need to escape even when your feelings for the person haven’t disappeared? Would you “fall on your own sword” so to speak? Or did he probably just lose feelings?

If you felt you were disappointing your partner or weren’t “good enough” for them, would you be more likely to end the relationship than let them stay and help you?

When you think back on a relationship, do you tend to remember the overall emotional experience, or can conflict near the end overshadow everything that came before it?

Does his behavior sound relatable to you as an ISFP, or does this sound much more like depression/personal issues than personality type?

Do you think he could come back when he is personally in a better place? I’ve heard that ISFPS are present oriented, so I wonder if he still thinks of me or would even consider that.

Should I reach out after 6 months no contact or should it come from him? I know he is very rejection sensitive and feel like he wouldn’t reach out first.

I’m especially interested in hearing from ISFP men or ISFPs who have been the person who withdrew/end a relationship while still caring about their partner.

I’m trying to understand how the same person who seemed so sure about me could become so overwhelmed that leaving apparently felt like the better option. I’m wondering if he ever loved me at all.

I know for a fact that he is not dating or talking to anyone else, and didn’t leave me for another relationship. I’m friends with his family and we have mutual friends, so I know this for sure….Everyone who knows him said he’s a one woman kind of man and not a casual dater. I’m only his second serious relationship.

Thank you for any insight.

Are ISFP hopeless romantic?

This is my very first Reddit post so I might as well make this out of random

Hii guys. Has anyone watched this movie named 'WHIPLASH', and if so, could anybody relate to the movie characters or the incidents in it? Discussions of any sort are gladly welcomed😌

For some reason, ENTP costs half the price lmao

I created a strange obsession in trying to unravel my type. The more I study, the more confused I get. So, I’m constantly testing Michael Caloz and Sakinorva, being as sincere as possible, seeking confirmation with my wife. When the tests offer multiple results, I can identify with all of them. It’s as if I had a little of each type, all depending on the context, the time, being excited or tired, alone or with people... I question and blame myself for being obsessed with a pseudoscientific theory, but I don’t care if it’s a pseudoscience. This can be useful for other things, just as every idea, concept or philosophy has its utilities.

The types that appear the most in my results are: ENFP, INFP, ISTJ, ESTJ, ENFJ, INFJ and INTJ. So, I decided to make this post in this sub to try to seek an external understanding.

I don’t know where to start, I’ll just type according to what comes to my head. I consider myself introverted because I’m always doing something alone, but everyone has the impression that I’m outgoing because I socialize a lot and meet a lot of people. I don’t want to brag, but I’m considered attractive. That must be why people take the initiative to talk to me or listen to me when I talk. Some people report feeling a peace when they are with me, while others hate me for unknown reasons. Some girls from my past hate me because I was shy and had an avoidant attitude with them, so I ended up breaking some hearts. After I overcame my damn shyness and became more confident, I liked to flirt unintentionally, to see what would come about (usually with women older than me). It was playing with this that I ended up marrying my best friend (who is now my wife).

Speaking of the past, I have a love-hate relationship with him. I can be very nostalgic and remember in detail the past, just as I can forget many other details or not want to remember who I was. I’m ashamed and hate the kind of person I was: reckless, lazy, disorganized and shy. If I could go back in time, I would do everything differently.

I always let things flow naturally, although, at specific moments, anxiety made me want to control and plan everything. But when it comes to work, career, future, marriage and family, I always let things flow and I’m lucky. I consider myself blessed. But that doesn’t mean I don’t plan my future. I know what I want and need. My plans may change as things come up or I learn something new, but I’m still firm with some ideas.

I’m not one to take risks, but when something forces me to change, I adapt easily. So easily that I wonder if I needed to make so much drama. I don’t mind living a routine, as long as it is well structured and allows me to do the things I like. I always look for something new within this routine, a little adventure or a new knowledge. I may be distracted and late, but I always fulfill my obligations. I need to be doing something, mentally or physically, otherwise my mind will get sick. I also like to make lists and write down ideas.

I’m creative for things of my interest. When I’m not interested, I can’t think of anything and I don’t even want to. I’ll let the others solve it. I’ve been considered lazy, but if something doesn’t attract me, there’s no way to force me, unless it’s something from work. My wife wants to paint the house, but I don’t care about the color of the walls, so I let her choose. But it’s man’s role to do the heavy work, and I’ll have to paint. Already on Halloween 2024, I was very creative when making my costume. And the most incredible thing was to have convinced my evangelical parents to participate, along with countless relatives who I managed to convince to go in costume. I only achieved this feat once; they probably won’t do it again. But I will never forget this day.

I’m very idealistic and I almost always make something happen that I really want, but I can get frustrated when I can’t.

I like to help people, especially by giving advice. I’m great at giving advice, but I’m not good at following my own advice. I would know very well how to instruct a person with retroactive jealousy, but when I’m involved with it, I can’t handle it, even though I understand that it’s irrational. My biggest problem in relationships, whether loving or family, is to help and expect the other person to do the same. It’s a feeling that one of the parties is investing more than the other. And when I hear stories of her past, I can feel jealous because I think she invested more in the other than in me. But I think it’s very unfair that the person doesn’t recognize this and doesn’t do the same while in a relationship, even saying they love.

I also don’t like to be managed, commanded or influenced. I said I like to help others, but I don’t like it when the person asks me for too many favors, because it can disrupt my plans and make me feel used. When I’m focused, I don’t like to be disturbed, and it stresses me out. I identify with Jack Torrance when my wife starts talking exactly when I’m focused on something serious. The difference between me and Jack is that I would never attack her and I don’t even know how to ask her to shut up, because a part of me understands that when she’s very happy, she gets like this. Right now she’s talking while I type this, but I don’t understand anything she says.

(I hope this is the right button for cross posting) Help is very much appreciated guys!