And I mean views that are personal to you? Even if they have logical arguments?

I’m an INTP and sometimes for me it’s enough when I know why the person hold these views, by that I mean if it’s something of their character than it gives me certain understanding of their stance and I don’t make it personal. I can’t make them abandon their views but I can break down my logical reasoning which later can make a difference. For me reality is multifaceted. Only when something is about life and death I become more demanding, but I still will be more chill than ENTJ, and I probably wouldn’t abandon the person

Would appreciate the insight of wise and emotionally intelligent INFP friends...I'm 32, recently heartbroken, and trying to decide where to spend the next year of my life. I've just renewed my visa for Berlin, a city I love, but I'm terrified of returning because my ex is deeply embedded in my social circle.

I've spent much of the past year living in Berlin (and have been visiting for a decade). A little over a year ago, I finally found my community: a fascinating circle of artists, intellectuals, and creatives I've always wanted to befreind. I alsooo made two of the best friends of my life, and one introduced me to my now ex (41M).

We dated for eight months before he dumped me three months ago. I thought he was serious. He is the most wonderful, interesting, beautiful, intelligent man I know. And HE told me I was his happiest and healthiest relationship, saw a long-term future with me, and came to NYC to meet my mum. But he constantly questioned long-term monogamy and struggled to fully commit, leaving me feeling anxious and insecure despite his assurances.

He also happens to be a major social connector in Berlin and will be at practically every gathering. I'll inevitably see him every few weeks, and the thought of watching him date someone else in our community is excrutiating. His nonchalant attitude since the breakup, including casually offering to remain "friends" or "lovers," has also been a massive social ego wound. It almost makes me question whether I imagined the depth of our relationship.

But I don't want to let one man push me out of a city and community I worked so hard to find.

There's also the financial and career dilemma. I'm an aspiring writer and photographer, and worry that staying in Berlin means missing creative opportunities in NYC or LA. But I have $10k in credit card debt (partly from helping my family), little savings, and a stable remote job paying $90k. Berlin is considerably more affordable, while NYC and LA feel financially and emotionally overwhelming right now.

Part of me thinks I should spend another year in Berlin, pay off my debt, focus on my writing, and rebuild my confidence. Another part wonders if constantly encountering my ex will keep me emotionally stuck, especially if he starts dating someone in our circle.

I'm torn between protecting my peace and refusing to abandon a life I genuinely love because of one man. Would appreciate perspectives from anyone who's navigated something similar, particularly in their 30s.

I (M, ENFJ) recently experienced a sudden, jarring split with a woman (F, INFP) who felt like my complete "unicorn." We share similar backgrounds, a deeply familiar past, and hit on every single level: mindblowing physical intimacy, hours of effortlessness, and an off-the-charts emotional connection. We are the textbook ENFJ/INFP "Golden Pair"—a high-passion, deeply intuitive bond. But when unhealed trauma enters that dynamic, the collapse can be absolute.

The Timeline & Trauma Rebound:

• We started talking while she was actively figuring out how to end a long-term relationship with an emotionally abusive partner.
• Within weeks of ending it, she came to see me, and we jumped straight into being together. Out of the 5 months since her breakup, she was only single for about 3 weeks.
• She literally went straight from an abusive environment—which she never had time to process or heal from—into a high-voltage, soul-level relationship with me, a man she called "the most loving, caring, emotionally healthy, and safest man she’s ever known."
• Once we got past the initial passion and honeymoon phase, her system completely short-circuited. Her nervous system simply had not processed the abuse, and it couldn't hold the weight of a safe, high-intensity, healthy connection.

The Shift & Her Recent Statements: Right up until the sudden stop, she was deeply attached and attentive. On Friday, she was sending me flirty selfies and explicitly told me not to let her upcoming crazy work weekend "get into my head." But after that intense weekend spilled directly into her boss arriving in town, her system hit total burnout and crashed into a trauma freeze/shutdown overnight. She broke up with me via email, followed by a phone call.

• She explicitly told me that her body just cannot handle it right now, that she simply does not have the bandwidth, and that she needs to be completely alone.
• She admitted she needs to figure out "why she doesn't want healthy," recognizing her past trained her system to run from safety.
• She posted an IG reel about not wanting to "walk on eggshells," which reflects her past abusive relationship, not ours.
• She claims I "project an intensity she doesn't feel and got caught up in," rewriting our history to rationalize her sudden panic.
• She explicitly stated she doesn't want me "waiting in the wings" because that feels like pressure—and she needs the exact opposite of pressure right now to heal and process.

Where I Stand & My Internal Conundrum:

• Silence/Boundaries: I refuse to chase her. I rejected her offer to "just be friends" because I am in love with her and respect myself too much to accept a demotion. I haven't spoken to her in days.
• Work Connection: We have an upcoming job obligation together where I need to be on-site. I am handling logistics with strict, professional communication (BIFF method) and separate lodging.
• The Conundrum: It still hurts profoundly, but I finally understand the mechanics. I am in this weird, painful space: I want to give her the space she needs to heal, and the only way to truly give her zero pressure is to move on with my life. I don't want to move on, but I know that letting go and stepping back completely is the only path that honors my dignity and gives her the space to realize what she walked away from.

Questions for the Group:

1. Has anyone in a "Golden Pair" (or high-intense intuitive match) navigated a situation where a partner was flirty, affectionate, and warning you not to worry one day, only for their unhealed trauma/nervous system to crash the next?
2. For those who held strict silence and gave zero pressure after being told "my body can't handle it, I have no bandwidth, and I need to be alone," how did the dynamic play out once their internal trauma/stress crisis cleared?
3. How do you stay grounded in your own worth while giving someone the exact quiet they need to heal, even when every part of you wishes it ended differently?

Disclaimer: this is a rant about my former friend's actions I am not in a mental health crisis.

I had a gaming friend of around two years, and she was my closest friend for real. She had anger issues but mostly at the multiplier games we played and randoms we played with but she was there for me always. Always hitting me up to play. It was a platonic friendship (she has a boyfriend)

Saturday night I messed up, making a pretty crass comment on my end while were drunk gaming. After seeing her mom for the first time I said that her mom was hot not going to lie. Yes I know it's stupid but I was not thinking through what I said.

It set her off. She unadded me, and proceeded to bomb my phone with texts telling to ___ myself and that I'm ugly with no friends because I'm so easily disliked and bunch of other insults like how I was a failure to my parents, stupid, bad at my job. Pretty much everything you can think of

Even my worst bullies had never been that brutal. I've been distraught over it all week. I know I made a mistake but that personal barrage is the worst personal attack I have ever heard in my life and it came from the person I trusted the most. It's been world shattering for me all week ngl

Gonna keep this brief, phone broke so I had to do an all nighter and I have a 12 hour shift coming up soon.

A personal tragedy happened earlier this year and I've struggled to come back from it ever since. Though I'm sober now, alcoholism was a struggle for me this entire year. I will always regret picking up that bottle for the first time. My drinking has caused me to end up in jail, lose friends, and I've made a complete joke of myself while drunk multiple times.

I must've selected all the above when I was starting my decent into addiction. smoked a bunch a pot, developed an eating disorder which is my biggest struggle currently and I started self harming, though i've been better about that one recently.

Its been months since all this has started and I'd say I'm in a recovery state right now. My mental health has been getting better and I start engineering school soon. I'm in the process of moving out of my mothers home, who in no way helped her teenage son during all of this.

I wish I could've picked a better coping mechanism but changing every single thing about myself seems to be the only solution. I've changed my name, my hair, my gender identity, socials. When I say everything I mean everything. As drastic as it sounds and maybe a little unnecessary, Its helping me a lot.

I've had to say goodbye to bad influencers. I miss them but this was necessary I feel. I'm quite lonely now. The only friend I have left is the kind of guy to put his lover over his friends 24/7 so I don't see him much anymore. I don't really text anyone anymore, not as often as I'd like to.

The one hobby I was passionate about doesn't interest me anymore. I've distanced myself away from the entire thing for a while now. I'm almost considering abandoning it for something new.

Everyday I wish I could've been more mature about this and usually I am with heavy emotional conflicts. But what happened earlier this year destroyed me. I hate the person who I ended up becoming and I'm just trying to start new now.

I wonder where this new direction will take me

And tell me why.

Please go on a long rant about your hyper fixation. Spare no details 💅

ENFJ here!

Maybe my feed is broken. But I’ve been seeing a lot of sad posts in the INFP community.

So I wanted to check in! How are y’all doing? Do you guys have any random memes?

If you need to vent DM me or just type it out here!

Hey, been part of the subreddit for a while! I’m 26M, working towards becoming a therapist, I love psychology, philosophy, working with animals, and am passionate about writing and making music. Been going through a bit of a rough patch so I thought making some friends around my age would be nice - been feeling lonely in all honesty, idk just craving human connection so I thought asking was worth a shot. Either way, hope y’all are doing well!

October 2024 was my last break up I’ve ever had and the last relationship I ever let myself be with the wrong person. And ever since, I have stayed single! It’s not the longest I’ve been single before I think my record was abt three years in the far past. But, yeah. I’m 25 and single. I’m not being taken for granted. I’m not losing friendships over a partner. I’m not getting into arguments with anybody. FOR TWO YEARS AND IT FEELS FUCKING AMAZING. Eventually if it happens naturally, I’ll settle down with somebody. But I’m not searching x 🥳🎊🎉

I just wanted to share that joy with yall. You don’t need somebody to make you feel worthy of something. When I had the wrong people around me I was at my lowest and most mentally ill. Cheers. 🍻

What's up guys

I dunno where to start, I'm 26 m and an INFP-T. I feel like I'm wasting my life kinda. I'm a musician and I'm studying in college rn, but i skipped the last 2 weeks, cause i was sick first and then I just wanted to stay home. Hate myself for that, I'm doing this every year of studies and I always start hating myself for being away from reality. So much time I've wasted in stuff like character.ai just to feel something...I feel like a kiddo who's whining about stuff instead of doing something with it...

Does anyone else deal with the same stuff? Or am I just a one lonely loser?

Many thanks

INFP or ISFP?

I’m not sure of my type honestly (I’m probably an INFP—I’ve noticed since getting diagnosed with ADHD this year and learning to unmask , I feel like I can see more INFP behaviors easily, but I’m not 100% sure cuz I’m still young) because I’ve known about MBTI since I was 12, and you would think after almost a decade of research, I would figure out my type, but no. I still haven’t 😔 I doubt myself way too much. I overthink a lot easily and question my type. People have typed me as an Se user because I would be succinct in communication and I like to travel?? (because apparently, Ne just prefers to think about it).

Like I feel like compared to me, other people just live more in the moment. One friend, who I believe is an ESFP, knows I overthink way much more compared to her. She’s also not harped onto the past like I am. She seems to me not as interested into MBTI and all that jazz, and tends to point out a lot what others are wearing or other details.

We both are neurodivergent (I’m diagnosed though), and I know mental health conditions affect MBTI, but I feel like my Se friends with ADHD or Autism are just more in-the-moment and present than me. I also feel like they can be more productive easily and are able to do stuff easily. I’m basically a bum unless I’m medicated.

One thing I’ve noticed is that people have said that Se will drink for the experience while Ne drinks for the sensation, and I feel like that’s true for me. In my experience, the two friends that I have that I feel are Se-users really enjoy drinking just to get drunk. They’ve mentioned that they don’t like the taste, but will drink to get drunk. Yeah, I can’t do that. I’ve tried. I’ve really tried, but as I’ve gotten older, I can’t force myself to like alcohol anymore. I actually really hate it and I don’t go to parties for this reason (they’re also loud, really overstimulating, and there’s too many people there).

Another thing is that I really enjoy having mentally stimulating conversations. I didn’t even realize how much I enjoyed it until I was high and went to a karaoke bar with friends and I met someone and I don’t remember what we talked about, but I felt so happy talking to him. I remember the next day, feeling so much love for him, having “butterflies” in my stomach, cuz I just really enjoyed the conversation we had. I haven’t reached out to him much since then (mainly cuz I don’t know what we would do and he was wanting to attend more functions).

This is probably really long for y’all, so I’ll end it here.

Today is my birthday (22M). Me and my college friends came back from a school ​event that got us all tired. I knew people had things to do...

Why does it hurt like this.... I knew they all had to leave immediately, but why am I still sad that we didn't do anything for my last ​birthday as a college student​. It's like an 8 year old is ​crying why didn't his family celebrated his birthday.

My family and I are emotionally estranged so birthdays with them always just boiled to somebody getting mad because of something going wrong.

Maybe, I was hoping for people who I loved so much would actually be different from my family, that maybe, just maybe, I can feel loved on a day that was supposed to be special.

Love can't be demanded from people. I know that, but why does it still hurt. I can't tell anybody I know about this, its sound like im fishing for sympathy. Why can't I be love without asking.

Somebody tell me how to not feel this way. Like a damn child who's begging for affection from people who don't owe him shit.

Edit: I'll just stop hoping. if the people who were supposed to love me didn't why should I expect those that aren't obligated to. why should I love myself if im so undersving that even the most basic of love isn't something i deserve. I'll just need to convince or gaslight myself into realizing​ that love just isn't in the cards in my life. If i just stop hoping to be loved then i wouldn't be disappointed, I'll never be loved.

I daydream about sad scenarios all the time to make myself cry. Any advice? And why am I doing this ?

Situation 1: The person brought a controversial topic (something unethical) and wants to discuss its aspects just in theory and can use some controversial arguments. The person is pretty neutral in their views, so you can’t tell if they’re believing in their own arguments or not. You just simply discuss as a concept.

Question: How your functions manifest in this kind of situation? Can you still discuss those things from the theoretical side and maybe bring unethical arguments just to look closer into the situation? Or your Fi-Te will just say that it’s unethical piece of shi that doesn’t even need to be explained or looked at and the only thing to understand about it is that it must never happen in reality? Will you feel personal about the discussion and will your argument be personal?

My perspective: I’m INTP and sometimes I find myself in those kind of discussions and I can even bring something unethical just to understand the concept deeper, so people might think that I’m controversial myself but I actually don’t feel personal about what I’ll be saying and question I’ll be asking.

Thanks for your well wishes and good vibes, fellow infps. Here are some pics from my journey and I hope they are inspiring to you!

Thanks for your well wishes and good vibes, fellow infps. Here are some pics from my journey and I hope they are inspiring to you!

and how often?

im under the impression that fi+ne+4 would make it hard to not need something to do that, and expressing yourself through personal clothing style, playing with chosen social media aesthetics etc cannot be enough. is that correct, and if not, how does the 'expressing' part works for you?

im also aware not all infp 4s are interested in creating art- but without art, what do you use for it?

thank you in advance.

They say we must learn history so we won't make the same mistakes again. They have it all wrong. We should learn from history all the things that went right and made us happy. So that we can not only continue doing those things but add to the list. Things like falling in love (forget the broken heart part), eating wonderful food (that doesn't get us too fat), going on vacation in Florida when it gets too cold up north, taking care of a loving pet, listening to beautiful music, enjoying art, maybe having a friend. Those are some of the things that it is important to remember and add to. Sometimes it seems we make the same mistakes over and over we just give them different names.