I'm feeling really sad because months ago I posted about celebrating that i brushed my teeth and showered and that was all I could do and a big accomplishment for me and said that everyone deserves to celebrate their small wins no matter how small and it got banned. I guess you can't post stuff like that I didn't realize that. But I'm really sad because that community helped a lot. I'm hoping I can stay on this community. I usually am doing really bad like right now I am fighting so hard to just be alive right now so I had just wanted to share one good thing and it got taken down. I feel so stupid and like I should've read the rules better. I hope i can stay here

I’ve been going to college and moving back into a house that was upgraded after flooding it’s a long story, but I’ve had a lot of conflicts and I was wondering if depression makes your reality seem worse than it is or if I really hate it this much? Does anyone know how to tell?

I received a notice this morning that my apartment would be inspected in a few days (I'm not sure exactly when) so I decided to sorta clean my apartment so it looked presentable. It took a while since there was a lot of trash to pick up. I didn't deep clean or anything, just picked up the trash, washed my laundry, kinda cleaned my shower (it was really dirty), and vacuumed. I wish I had the motivation to do a little more but I'm too tired already and my body hurts (I'm really weak and haven't eaten today lol). I'm also grossed out by how dirty my shower was. I don't usually see the grime because I don't wear my glasses. I heard that they were gonna be doing a more thorough inspection like checking sinks, refrigerators, doors, windows, etc. I hope they don't try to look in my closet because it's full of random stuff like my belongings that were lying around plus multiples nooses...

I’m am just in my second year of high school and I cannot explain or express how to me it’s so pointless to do. No, I’m not saying I’m going to do something to myself harmful but I don’t see the point of continuing to do school if I’m going to end up in a grave someday. I don’t see the point especially because I’ve been help a lot when it comes to mental stuff and I still seem to be taking advantage of it without meaning to. I did public school and failed (I didn’t go for 2 months and yet still passed.) I’m doing online school now and I’m really far behind. I thought it’d be kinda easy to catch up but now I’m slumped again and can’t force myself to work. My mom told me that all the school staff wanted to pull me out cause they believe I can’t do it. However, I was sent a message from one of them who didn’t believe in me at all a schedule that said read at the end ‘I believe you can do this!’ Which now I know isn’t true. To me, it’s my fault and I’m not sorry for myself at all. I want to drop out but if I do my mom wants to send me somewhere for mental health and school? So I’m stuck regardless. I’ve cried a lot because of it, one thing I know is when school starts I’m usually an A student and quickly become burnt. I’m asked from homeschool but only have gotten online courses which have made me burnt so quickly and it’s embarrassing. If I don’t pass which I kinda know I won’t, I’ll be forced back into public school. I know it’s bad for me if I do because the first time I went, I had mental break downs in front of my teachers and other students, full on shutting down or crying till I threw up or went home. I cannot tell if I’m sorry for myself and pretending, not actually trying and I’m lying when I say I am, or just some teen boy who ‘emo’.

[Condensed]

The cortex and the amygdala. How do they tie in with serotonin, dopamine and norepinephrine? Are my neural pathways wired wrong? Where's the damn neuroplasticity kicking in to rewire things and get me back to baseline?

I've been struggling for two weeks after years of stability. Anxiety, depression, the whole shebang. I'm on day 11 of slowly increasing a medication I'd been taking at the same dose for years.

I'm constantly battling my body, thoughts, and especially the involuntary symptoms. They keep changing, but the underlying discomfort stays. Is it the flare-up, medication activation, or both?

I'm sick and exhausted. Comfort is few and far between. I'm angry, hopeless, ready to break down crying (which I already have). How much patience am I supposed to have? Some days I push through. Today I couldn't. Stay in bed. Dwell. Recuperate. Run down the clock. Wait for another dose and for my brain to learn I'm safe.

I picked up Rewiring Your Anxious Brain, plus a few others. How the hell I'll read them, I don't know. I've never been a book person, and I can barely concentrate. But I learned about the amygdala and cortex.

Maybe they explain the panic, impending doom, existential dread, and why my head and body feel so off. Fight-or-flight-or-freeze, breathing issues, stomach problems, no appetite, hypervigilance, rumination. Scatterbrained, yet laser-focused on myself. Perpetual mental and physical unease.

But what about depression? How are they so intertwined? Does overwhelming anxiety throw other brain chemicals out of balance? What came first, the chicken or the egg? Either way, screw them both.

I have a small prescription for benzos "as needed." Ha. I've felt like I've needed one for two weeks straight. I've saved them for worst cases, worried about dependence and tolerance, but also because I've been told accepting the discomfort instead of fighting it is how you move forward.

Fine for anxiety, but what about the sadness, intrusive thoughts, apathy, and not wanting to do or see anyone? There's barely any joy. Everything simple is a chore; everything difficult feels insurmountable. Anxiety makes it worse.

Sometimes I get absorbed in work, emails, or a show and, for a few minutes, forget to monitor myself. Those breaks are rare but nice. Then my attention turns inward, hypervigilance returns, symptoms intensify, and the cycle starts again.

Seeing homeless people with severe mental health struggles makes me feel guilty for complaining, but also terrified I'm one spiral away from being there myself. Like my brain could take me there involuntarily. Reddit's similar: I come for support and find people in darker places. Mental health scares the shit out of me. It's a living nightmare, praying the worst is behind me and not still coming, navigating this storm alone.

There's anxiety I can consciously manage, and then there's the involuntary physical and mental stuff that happens no matter what. I want to get better, but my effing brain feels broken.

When will I feel normal again? When will the anxiety headache, bad thoughts, chest tightness and unease end? When does the joy return? When can I lie in bed and actually relax, or sit at work without feeling like I'm losing my mind?

I'm not comfortable anywhere. Home, work, even trying to relax. I just want to feel like myself again. Holy shit, it's difficult.

When does it get better?

I feel like I've been patient enough.

Back in high school, I went through periods of not attending classes but still managed to graduate. I took a gap year before college because I was struggling mentally and financially.
Afterwards I received a scholarship to study in another country, but I need to achieve a specific proficiency level to continue my education. I started learning the language from zero less than a year ago, and now, with my last chance coming up in November, I’m still struggling.
I asked for advice, but someone told me I had a whole year to prepare, was young and childless, and only needed to focus on Korean. They even compared me to someone they know who achieved the needed level despite working and raising a child/someone that had a worse condition than me.It hurt because they didn’t know what I was going through, but it also made me wonder if I’m just making excuses for my own laziness.
I’ve started accepting that I will fail, return to my country, and go straight to work since my family is still struggling financially. I’ve already talked to my parents about it, but honestly, I’m not doing well emotionally because I know ill be a shame and a disgrace. Honestly, it feels better to die than go back as a failure but I wouldn’t want them to hear such news… so
How do I come to terms with this possibility? ☹️

I can't say a lot because I can't really focus but I've run out of things to look forward to.

I've lost most of my friends and the ones who remain don't understand me.

I'm supposed to do so much stuff this week but all I feel like I can do is rot in bed and cry.

I'm fucking tired.

I hate everyone even the people I am friends with I don't know how to feel anymore there's nobody I can talk to about anything and trust them I hate I hate humans altogether we should have never been here or we've done it through and things the people ruin things for ourselves ruin things for animals ruin things for the globe.

I feel so over the past two weeks my mental state has just gotten worse and worse and I've tried talking to the support people at high school but they don't help when I tried to talk to them it takes so long for me to be seen and the one person I've been able to talk to makes me feel like everything is my fault.

I'm beginning to get to the point where I just want to kill everybody near me but obviously I won't I'm not in America I don't have loose gun laws I can't just go out and get one and I don't want the legal consequences I think if I did ever act on my thoughts I would just kill myself or I just don't act on my thoughts at all I most likely won't but ending my life could be a better way to get out I'm not saying this full attention I do not want attention I want advice and I don't want that advice to be go talk to someone I have tried to talk to someone.

I just don't know what to do anymore I have good days I've really good days and then the suddenly I just fall into this deep depressive state where I don't want to talk to anyone I don't want to be around anyone I don't want to eat I just feel like I'm there you know? I can't even trust anymore my own best friend is putting someone else before me when that other person was horrible to me they were manipulative towards me they were pushy they were just horrible and after we stopped to talking they got worse and now this friend who also said that they were gonna replace me if I didn't start going to school but I wasn't going to school because I just couldn't I couldn't deal with being there I hate the people there hate everybody and I feel like I'm gonna fail by grade because of how much I've missed.

I really don't know what to do I don't know how to stop feeling like this I need help but I don't get any.

Hi everyone! I rent a room in the Bay Area and have really been struggling with depression, to the point where a mouse found its way into my room. I’ve struggled since I was 11 with Major Depression, but I’ve never really had my room get this bad. Mostly really old food trash, moldy dishes, lots of clothes to get rid of that’s old, cleaning the floors and walls. I started seeing a psychiatrist and am thankfully starting to do better. Also recently got diagnosed with OCD. All of this to say that although im doing better, im coming to the realization of how rough it’s going to be to get my room back in check.

My landlord has never complained, but I don’t want to wait for it to get there. Does anyone know any compassionate cleaners that might help me clean my room and haul lots of trash out the house? I think my landlord would be nice enough to leave the house for the day for me to get this done with some privacy and the dignity I have left. Hope you guys are able to give some advice even if you can’t with recommendations. Hang in there yall

I remember saying once that I wish I was more depressed. More specifically, that I was noticeably depressed. Like the kind that can't be ignored. All I do all day is play video games, watch porn, listen to music and engage with my special interest if I have enough energy. I don't feel depressed when I do these things; I feel fine. But its when I have to do things, things that I'm responsible for, I start to feel it. It's like lying on a soft, fluffy mattress balanced perfectly above a layer of stinging nails. So long as no extra weight is added, I'll be fine.

But that's not any way to live. I hate seeing a family member doing something helpful and feeling selfish or weak for not helping. I hate feeling okay, but knowing that I'll crumble at the slightest upset. Feeling bad, but not bad enough for the feelings to be justified. I put a ton of hope into getting medicated for my ADHD, but I genuinely don't even think it'd help.

I don't really know how to fix this. I don't even know if I'd call this "high functioning" depression, since I can't handle any responsibility. I don't have a job, I procrastinate on the barest college assignments, I dream of having a relationship, only to realise I'd destroy it thanks to my own lack of commitment. Its just that I feel light and unbothered when I'm under no obligations, and miserable when I am. It makes me feel bad.

What do I do here?

I have a lot of disorders, it makes life really hard and makes me feel like a burden. I have PTSD, Autism, ADHD, OCD, ARFID, POTS, and a bunch of other stuff.

My relationship with my mom is really rocky right now. My dad is too busy to spend much time with me. My sister and I are always fighting. My boyfriend lives almost an hour away.

Life is so hard. I struggle to leave my room, to remember to eat, to do any of the things I enjoy.

I have pills that help me sleep. I poured them into my hand and almost took them all tonight. I put them back in the bottle but I don't know if I will put them back next time. How many times can I stop myself before I die? How many reasons can I give myself to keep living before they all start to feel like lies?

I almost ended my own life tonight and no one even knows that I'm depressed. I fake happy too well.

is it bad that I don’t feel like helping myself through depression?? i know there are coping mechanisms and stuff that would help but I don’t feel like doing them. is it selfish to only want professional help and mentally kinda refuse to take actions that help me?

i know this is stupid. i’m in college and i’ve been doing much better since i moved out but i have such an awful time forcing myself to do my dishes. it’s really embarrassing. i invite my friends over and so many dirty dishes will be in the sink and it makes my dorm smell. i’ve definitely kept my dorm cleaner than my room at home and i’ve been good at it up until now. it’s stuff like this that makes me feel worse and spiral. i really just don’t know how to make this cycle stop. but i really want to change i want more advice and i finally made a psychiatry appointment.

The title says it. I (37F) am in a relationship for 7 years now and it really seems that it is coming to an end. My problem is that I have built my whole life around this person. And now I am realising how empty and meaningless my life would without that person.

I know, I should not have built my life around someone else and find my own happiness. The problem is that I have depression and this person brought meaning to my life. This person is such a wonderful human being. With flaws, obviously everyone has them. But through all the storms if you ask me I would choose this person again.

Now I found myself in this position which I can't seem to see a life without. I really do not see a point and I have been trying to see one for weeks.

This is a throwaway accunt.

I don't know if this is the right place to ask for help. It's just that I am suffering from depression and, worst of all, phone addiction. I don't have the guts to ask for help from someone I know. I will ask for help from a therapist, but for some personal reasons, I can't go immediately I just need someone with whom I can be honest and someone who can push me. It isn't necessarily required to be a professional.

I still want to die, and I've been wanting to die for years.