There is this pretty lady at the dispensary I’ve been going to for about 2 years now. I find her incredibly attractive and I want to get to know her and pick her brain. I told her one day out of the blue she’s beautiful and she told me she didn’t expect that. The next time I saw her I asked her her name and told mines as we shook hands. She’s incredibly well groomed and attractive. Do I shoot my shot or nah because I go here so often. I’m 23 and she couldn’t be any older than me forsure.

Is it a red flag if a guy refuses to tell me what he does for work?

I (26F) went on a first date with a guy (29M) I met on a dating app, and I'm not sure what to think about something that happened.

We'd been texting for about a week before meeting up, and he seemed really nice. We had a lot in common, he was funny, and the conversation was always easy. So when he asked me out for coffee, I was actually pretty excited.

The date itself went really well. We ended up sitting there for almost three hours, talking about everything from movies and traveling to our families and childhood memories. There weren't any awkward silences, and I genuinely felt like we clicked.

But there was one thing I found really strange. He wouldn't tell me what he does for work.

At some point, we were talking about our daily routines, and I casually asked him what he does for a living. Just a normal first date question, right? He laughed and said something like, "Trust me, it's nothing interesting," and immediately changed the subject.

I didn't think much of it at first. Maybe he just didn't feel like talking about work.

But later, when I mentioned something funny that happened at my job, I decided to ask again. Not because I was trying to interrogate him, but because I was genuinely curious. This time he smiled and said, "I try not to talk about work when I'm not working."

I jokingly asked if he worked for the CIA or something. He laughed and said, "Something like that." And that was it. Still no answer.

The weird part is that he was completely open about everything else. He talked about his family, his friends, where he grew up, and even his previous relationship. But apparently his job is classified information lol.

And before anyone assumes I'm trying to figure out how much money he makes, I'm really not. I don't care if he's a lawyer, a waiter, or works at a grocery store. I just think it's a little strange to refuse to answer such a basic question.

I know it was only our first date, and obviously he doesn't owe me his entire life story. But I've never met someone who was so determined to avoid telling me what they do for a living.

I am feeling a little lost. I like that I, 30f, have different hobbies from my partner, 30m, but i do not know if I feel like a priority.

Been at this for nearly 3 months. We talk and communicate about whats going on and it just feels like most of the time, he is able to plan out events for his friends than me and him together.

I did ask for dates at least once a week, and this doesnt mean like going out to a restaurant or activity. This can be just spending an evening together at home. I want to stay the night with him or have something like that, but now I feel like a logistics burden. I want to feel wanted and with time carved out without feeling guilty about it.

I had to look back at the women I've dated, and I could only think of one instance. This woman was set to inherit 10-20 million dollars through her parents. I didn't really see her as a meal ticket or a ticket to wealth though, as I'm doing quite well for myself, living quite comfortably in a VHCOL city. We eventually broke up, I started dating other people, but no where in my mind did I think I have to find someone as rich or her or even richer.

It made me think, how often do women date men who are less successful or even as succesful as them. In my dating experience, pretty much all of the women I've dated have made less than me, and have been either less educated or as educated.

I don't think my female counterpart when it comes to career success would give me a chance. This is just from my experiences, and also taking a look at the women I know. Their partners are usually making more money than them by a pretty significant margin.

So, men of this forum, have you ever dated a woman who was more successful than you? And knowing that it is rare, what do you think made her fall for you?

So I know what he’s doing is not wrong and I’m not saying it is, we’re not official.

But we met through a friend and we’ve been talking for over a month, we confessed that we liked each other early on but wanted to get to know each other better. I caught feelings easily and thought it was progressing well - we were talking throughout the day and trying to hang out when we both had time. He sends me good morning and good night messages and uses pet names, and encourages me to use them too. I thought we were heading towards being a couple.

But this week he’s been quiet and took several hours to reply every time. Stopped texting gm/gn. And my jealousy just took over and I asked if he was talking to other people and he said that yes, after I asked to take things slow he thought I wasn’t serious so he went on to meet some people and now he’s talking to another girl.

I told him I understand his position but I think we’re on very different pages because I haven’t been seeing anyone but him, but I don’t blame him or anything. Still, after falling a bit fast, I feel like I was blindsided by that admission and I’m not sure I want to continue seeing him. Am I overreacting?

I’m totally off key. I usually use OLD apps, and I work a lot and don’t have much free time. I’m really bad at starting small talk and transitioning to deeper things. I’m a pretty open person, so I’m okay with being vulnerable, but really have a hard time figuring out where to go with conversations. Can you all please help me out with where to go socially? I feel weird even asking, but usually getting ghosted after a while just leaves me wondering. I feel like I tend to talk about physical things too much. I really don’t know though.

She flirted beforehand (i.e. sending sexually suggestive photos at night, complimenting my appearance, etc)

Hello women of reddit, I have a question (16m btw)

How do you guys like being cold approached? I've got a new found confidence where I'm not scared to ask any girl out, but I just don't want to make them uncomfortable.

Here's imaginary situations

A: were in the gym and I think you're cute, how would you like me to approach you. ( Assuming im your type )

B: I see you sitting somewhere a good bit away, say 1-2 football fields away, how would you like me to approach you? Would it creep you out that I walked all that way to come talk to you?

C: we're both walking opposite directions on a path, would you be ok if I stop and talk to you? Or would it be weird because weve only seen each other for like 4 seconds.

Appreciate all the answers

I’m a 23-year-old guy, and I was supposed to meet a girl I genuinely liked. We had agreed that she would come over, and when I asked her earlier when she was coming, she said around 8 PM.
She never showed up and didn’t let me know that anything had changed. As the evening went on, I eventually texted her, saying, “I’m guessing you made other plans, then?”
She replied much later with, “Huh? Hahahaha.” That was it. She didn’t explain herself or acknowledge that we had plans and that I had been waiting for her.

I was frustrated and disappointed, so I told her that she could have just said she didn’t want to meet instead of wasting my time like that.
The next morning, I discovered that she had blocked me.

What makes this especially disappointing is that I genuinely liked her and had been looking forward to seeing her. I wasn’t expecting anything extraordinary from her, just basic communication and consideration. If she had changed her mind or made other plans, I would have preferred her to tell me directly rather than leave me waiting without an explanation.

I understand that people can change their minds, and I’m not saying anyone owes me a date. But if you make plans with someone, surely the decent thing to do is let them know if you’re no longer coming.

I’m now wondering whether my response was too harsh or whether my frustration was justified. Was I overreacting by calling out her behaviour, or was she being genuinely disrespectful? And what do you make of the fact that she blocked me the following morning rather than simply explaining what happened?

I want as honest of an answer as I can get please. For context, currently dating a man who was a serial womanizer and cheater in his 20s, only had one long-term/serious relationship in his entire life where he constantly cheated on her (early 20s), and has slept with countless women. He'll be 30 next year and it took us a year before we actually started dating officially, and he is adamant that he wants to turn a new leaf in his life, and that he sees me as the one. He told me he put off making it official with me for so long until he was 100% sure that he was capable of turning a new leaf in his life, quitting his womanizing ways, and would not repeat the mistakes of his past and hurt me. He genuinely seems to love me and constantly demonstrates this every day by taking proactive steps. He's adamant that he's changed and that he's learned a lot from the life that he has lived and he has reached a point where he's tired of that lifestyle and has evolved as an individual. He also claims that what he's done for me he has never done for any other woman (To be fair, he is a brutally honest person and since I met him he never told me that he was a saint, so I believe this truly). He cleaned his social media of any women, did the things that I asked for, etc. However, the big question is, are men like this ACTUALLY capable of reform? Or is it a "reformed phase"? I'm scared that his past is a series of habits that are ingrained in his personality and that can only be tamed for a short while until he becomes tempted again at some point, although he always reassures me that it's not the case, and that if it were, he wouldn't have made it official to begin with. I'm curious if any of you have had a past like this and if you ACTUALLY changed for the right woman and why? Did your past habits haunt you at any point?

Ladies, one thing I wish more people talked about is the difference between genuine interest and love-bombing.

Some men come into your life seemingly out of nowhere. They're confident, funny, charming, and incredibly attentive. They seem to share all your interests, make you feel understood, and prioritize you in a way you may not be used to. Everything feels exciting, and you start wondering whether you've finally met someone who's genuinely right for you.

You might even think:

"I'm not used to receiving this much attention. I haven't noticed any major red flags, so why not give it a chance?"

And there's nothing wrong with giving someone a chance. The important thing is to pay attention to whether their actions are consistent with their words.

How well does he actually know you? Is he genuinely curious about your personality, values, boundaries, and experiences? Or does it feel like he's more interested in winning you over than understanding who you are?

Does he respect your pace, or does he push for intense emotional commitment before you've had time to build trust? Can he handle you having your own life, friendships, and priorities without making you feel guilty?

Intense attention isn't automatically a red flag. Some people are naturally expressive and enthusiastic when they meet someone they like. The concern is when that intensity comes with pressure, unrealistic promises, possessiveness, or a lack of respect for your boundaries.

In some unhealthy relationships, the dynamic eventually changes. The person who once made you feel like their entire world becomes distant, critical, jealous, or controlling. You may find yourself constantly adjusting your behavior to keep the peace, wondering what happened to the person you first met.

You might even start believing that if you just try harder, become more accommodating, or give them more attention, the loving version of them will come back.

But you shouldn't have to work to earn basic kindness and respect.

Sometimes, the intense affection at the beginning is part of a pattern of manipulation. The attention creates a strong emotional attachment, and once you're invested, the relationship starts operating on very different terms. Whether or not the person is consciously doing this, the impact on you can still be damaging.

I'd encourage anyone who recognizes this pattern to learn about love-bombing, emotional manipulation, and controlling behavior. You don't need to diagnose someone as a narcissist to recognize that their behavior is unhealthy. What matters is how they treat you, especially when you set boundaries, disagree with them, or stop giving them the constant attention they want.

Don't fall in love with someone's potential at the expense of accepting their present behavior. If the relationship repeatedly leaves you anxious, confused, or feeling like you're never enough, give yourself permission to step back. You don't have to wait for things to get worse to decide that a relationship isn't right for you.

And to be clear, this isn't about avoiding men who are exciting, confident, affectionate, or enthusiastic about you. You can absolutely have chemistry, passion, and romance with someone who is emotionally healthy.

The difference is consistency.

A healthy partner doesn't just make you feel special when they're trying to win you over. They continue to respect you when the initial excitement settles, when you disagree, and when life gets difficult. They want to know you as a person, not just enjoy the feeling of being wanted by you.

You deserve a relationship that feels exciting without making you feel unsafe, and loving without making you question your worth.

Hi strangers on the internet, I need some outside perspective because no one can give me straight advice and I feel like I am going crazy.

Me (23F) and this guy (30M) have been connected since May, industry "friends," but there was an underlying vibe and chemistry from the beginning. It came to a head about a month ago when we met up in person and it went better than I expected. We talked, found we had a lot in common, were aligned on a lot of things, and I found him really easy to be around. After that the "vibe" became actually romantic. We were openly flirty and enjoyed each other's company without any pressure.

About a week ago we had a really great date, planned to meet up again over the weekend, and went our separate ways. We kept it cute over text, but I started to notice he barely texted back (I don't hold the late replies against him that much because we're both busy) but when he did it was usually around 11pm. He would'nt call. or make a move to see me. The weekend plans he suggested never happened because he had "errands" to run but then on his story he had just gone solo bike-riding, and I basically waited all weekend for him to give me any attention, and I really hated how that felt.

He says all the right things, and I do think he genuinely likes me. But the gap between how good it is when we're together and how little he shows he wants to talk to me or be around me left me confused and hurt in a way I didn't expect. I tried the "match his energy" thing, texting back late and acting nonchalant, and it just made me more miserable. and I realised I probably like him a lot more than he likes me. (which is okay, I can't fault a person for their feelings) And since I'm not actually his girlfriend, I'm not really entitled to more, but knowing that didnt help, it just made it worse. So I called it.

I sent this message after a the failed weekend and a long silence and this is how the conversation went:
___________________________________________________

Me: Hey [M30]✨

going to be straight with you rather than have this waste our time with endless small talk. I think I have been upfront about my intentions and how I feel and I've really enjoyed getting to know you, but don’t think you’re that into me, which is okay but it’s obvious to me that there hasn’t been much of the the effort or interest I'd need to keep pursuing this, so I think it would be better to just let it fade.

No hard feelings. I think we could stay friendly and keep connecting on the industry side like we did at the start.

wishing you all the best❤️

Him: Hi [me]✨

I am, i think I’m awkward about my feelings. I also don’t think we were having a lot of small talks. I’m just taking it easy but I should have maybe said that. I like you a lot and I didn’t want to rush I enjoyed our pace..

Uhm thank you I guess

I hope you good and your day wasn’t bad and I’m sorry

❤️

Me: I appreciate you for being honest, and real chat: reading this made me feel a bit bad. I like you too, but I couldn't tell where I stood with you

I hope you're brave for the right girl✨

❤️

Him: Sorry❤️‍🩹
Him: 😭

___________________________________________________

His response and his behaviour since have me wondering if it all got too much for me and I threw it out before telling him what I needed.

part of me (hoped) he would hear me and then try harder... but he just said sorry

We're "friendly(?)" now, casual conversations and and engaging with each other's stories...

but sometimes in casual work related conversations he will say things that feel like double entendres with a deaper, heavier meaning... for example:
___________________________________________________

Me: *commented on some of his work, gives him some advice*

Him: I will, I need to design two more then I will run them all - I listen to you, I just cooking and lifing

Me: Yea no pressure, I just thought it was really good ,I’m not rushing you or anything

Him: You don’t feel like pressure to me

Him: Thanks I will

___________________________________________________

It's been a few days and I can't stop thinking about the whole thing and about him.

I feel regret, which isn't like me. to know me is to know that I do what my heart says and saying what I need to always, because I don't want to live with missed opportunities.
An experience when I was younger made me very aware that life is short. I'd rather be hurt or embarrassed than wonder "what if," because the what-ifs are worse than heartbreak for me.

adult dating is also new territory for me, I've been single for almost 9 years, there have been some situations during that time but nothing serious or worthwhile.

I have been ruminating, asked a few people in my circle for some advice but I'm stuck between two things. Part of me wants to reach out and say what I should have said first (I need regular contact and more effort made), and part of me wants to wait to see if he tries to pursue me so I can say "yes, let's try again," which might just be pride.

Do I reach out or leave it? Did I self-sabotage, or did I read it right?

I matched with this guy, I will call him T, on Tinder back at the beginning of February.

T was in another city. But was planning on moving back to the town i am in. We chatted a bit, had a few polite conversations that didn't really go anywhere. He was pretty inconsistent with getting back to me, annoyed I started doing the same and eventually we stopped talking.

Fast forward, it's April, I get a text he is in town and wanted to know if I wanted to go out. I ignored because I was still pretty over our last interaction, felt flaky.

Then it's May, I get another text saying he's in town and wants to see if I want to go out for a drink again. Ignored that one as well.

Now, a couple of days ago, I get a friend request on fb.. it's T. Now mind you, my profile is very hard to find... I never gave him my last name. I dont have the same city listed on my profile..

I'm feeling like it's a little bit much though? Was me ignoring his last two messages kind of not enough of a hint that I wasn't interested in pursuing anything further? I'm a bit flattered that he remembered me and sought me out.. but at the same time, I honestly think he invested a fair amount of time in finding my profile..

Am I overthinking this?

I’m 21F and went to the bank today with my mom to sort out a pretty embarrassing banking mistake I made. Long story short, I accidentally deposited a few old cheques twice without realizing, which ended up getting my account shut down and having to get a new card. So yeah, not exactly my proudest moment lol…

The teller helping us was an older man, but the teller working right next to him was a guy around my age who was SO cute. Literally exactly my type.

The bank was completely empty, so he definitely heard the whole embarrassing situation. My mom also kept jumping in and speaking for me, which made me feel even more annoyed and embarrassed at 21. He helped the older teller with something at one point, so he was aware of what was going on. We made eye contact a few times but never actually spoke directly.

Anyway, the older teller called him by his first name a few times since he was helping us, and out of curiosity I searched it on Instagram afterward. He came up right away just from his first name because we live in a pretty small, close-knit area and have quite a few mutuals.
His account is private and now I’m debating sending him a follow request.

My hesitation is that he’ll obviously know I looked him up after seeing him at work. Plus, he just witnessed me having an embarrassing banking situation with my mom, so not exactly the first impression I would’ve wanted to make.

I also live in a smaller town where everyone seems to know everyone, so it’s not like I’m in a massive city where I’ll never see him again.

I’m also wondering about the timing. Would it be too obvious to request him the same day? Should I wait a few days, a few weeks, or even a month? Or should I just leave it alone altogether?

Would you find it weird if a girl you saw at work looked you up and requested you afterward, especially if you had mutuals? Be honest, would you shoot your shot or leave it alone? 🫣

If you think about it nobody ghosts someone their cousin or friends introduced them to.I believe that’s the whole problem like ten years ago, if you disappeared on a date, that person told a friend, the friend told your friend and then you were the guy who bailed. There was a cost to being a coward andf now there’s none, we match with someone from a different part of the city, no shared friends, workplace and if we vanish theres no consequences to it

I have been ghosted multiple times in the last year and I myself have ghosted some people as every time, I knew I would never see or hear about that person again which made it easy and I think it makes it easy for everyone.

Everyone online says people have gotten worse but I don’t buy it, I think we are the same people with the consequences removed and people behave differently when someone they know might hear about it. A friend of mine got set up with someone from her gym and the guy sent a polite not feeling it text within a day, which I have never once received from an app match.

Even the industry is noticing this, ditto has an ai book the date for you over imessage. Rivet from a former Tinder exec lets other users vote on whether two people should match.Overtone from the hinge founder skips profiles and makes intros, they are all trying to put other humans back in the loop in different ways, though I can’t say yet if any of it works.

But I wonder if the fix is less about better apps and more about dating inside our own circles again, even though that feels awkward.

Do you think ghosting would drop if you had even one mutual friend with every person you dated?

So basically I (F25) have just been dating a lot lately after years of being afraid because of past trauma, so everything is quite new to me. I have been dating guys who are for the most part ok and cute but I always feel like after one or two dates that it’s not gonna do it for me, I don’t feel anything. The thing is I know I can feel giddy and crush on people but I always crush on guys who don’t really give a f about me. At this point i’m just asking myself if i might be an avoidant (which I hate) or if I just haven’t found the right person yet ?

Hello, I've never posted before so bear with me. (All names are made up for privacy). For some context, I’m (24f) and currently in my second year of college majoring in psychology (which is hilarious/painful right now because I am completely failing to analyze my own life).

About two years ago, back in my first year, I was paired up with a guy in one of my classes named Jessie (26). We completely clicked right away and have been best friends ever since. We do everything together. Mostly hanging out outside of classes, studying for hours in the library, playing video games in his dorm on weekends, or driving down to the beach. Back when we first met during our first year, Jessie actually confessed to me and asked me out on an official date. I said yes at the time, but after a month I just found dating him very awkward and weird, and broke it off because I just wanted a solid friendship and genuinely thought we were better off as friends. He took it really well at the time.

Enter Milo. Milo is a newer friend of mine - we’ve been hanging out for about five or six months now. He’s 25 and takes a criminal justice class, so we initially bonded over how overlapping our majors are and the shared exhaustion of our coursework. I mostly see him on Friday nights or weekends. We go to cafes for coffee, and I’m usually his plus-one at parties he goes to. When I’m with Milo, I laugh a lot, I feel super carefree, and honestly, I find myself thinking about him a lot when we’re apart.

Things were fine until August, when I made the monumental mistake of introducing Jessie to Milo. Ever since they met, things have been so weird. They get into these very tense arguments. I’m calling them arguments, but it’s more like this subtle, obnoxious "manly" one-upmanship. At first, I tried to brush it off, but lately, I’ve started wondering if the real reason Jessie is acting like this is because he’s never actually gotten over his feelings from our first year. Thankfully, after mentioning how weird their behavior has been, they've stopped "fighting," at least in front of me.

And here is where I'm losing my mind. I think I might have feelings for Jessie now. Is that completely crazy? For two years, he was just my platonic best friend. But recently, I've started noticing so much more about him. Like how the light looks on his skin, and he has a really cute nose, (am I weird?) And within this past month alone, both of them have basically been "wooing" me (if that's even the right word).

Jessie has been super sweet lately, which is normal for him, but he’s started insisting on paying for the takeout we get during our Saturday study sessions, and he’s been pushing to hang out even more than usual. The other week, we were watching Supergirl in his dorm, and he asked if he could hold my hand. I allowed it. And my stomach did a complete flip. Even that night, in the middle of the movie he just turned to look at me and said "You know, hanging out with you is the best part of my week." I didn't really know what to say, but I've been thinking about that night a lot.

Then, Milo, when I went to hang out with him later that same week, showed up with this massive, ridiculously thoughtful goodey basket: a book I had mentioned wanting to read, a fake bouquet of flowers, a candle that smells amazing, and a pair of socks. When I asked him why he went to all that trouble, he just smiled and said it was to "brighten up my day." I didn't care if most of the stuff was obviously from the Dollar Store, we're all broke college kids, and I respect and admire the gesture nonetheless.

This is genuinely my first time ever experiencing anything like this. I’ve never had two guys pulling at my attention in opposite directions, and I feel so out of my depth. I’m a psych major; I'm supposed to understand human behavior, but right now I have zero clue what my own heart is doing, let alone theirs.

I don't know what to do. Should I say something to either of them? Should I say nothing and wait? What do I even say?!

Thank you to anyone who actually read this whole ramble. It genuinely feels a little lighter just typing it out. Advice, harsh truths, or just a virtual hug are all very welcome.

Thank you,

A very stressed college student

I've been thinking about how difficult it can be to balance work and a relationship, especially when you're trying to build a better future.

Long hours can leave you exhausted, and sometimes there's barely any energy left for your partner, even when you genuinely want to spend time together.

For those who've dealt with this, what actually helped you find a better balance? How did you make time for your partner without neglecting your work responsibilities?

Both in our 20s, uni students. Guy friend and I had a good friendship for more than 8 months now, and he’s the closest friend I got. We got very close and we spent time together almost everyday. He would take me to his home as friends, ask to go to the movies, and hang out. Things suddenly shifted after he found out that I was having dinner with a guy (platonically), could be a coincidence but he was wondering the gender of who I was having dinner with, then completely started to act different when I said it was a guy. He did not initiate hang outs for more than 4 months after that and would be hot and cold. I eventually asked him if he likes me and he denied, and that he was just curious who I’d have dinner with. I don’t know if he’s lying or I’m the one going crazy. So I shrugged it off, he knew I was into him at the time. Our friendship recently got better, but I started talking to a guy. My guy friend is even more hot and cold towards me without telling me exactly why he’s upset, although he said he’s happy for me. I asked if he wants to hang out more than once and he would ignore me, and say we need to focus on school. The next day we would call for hours as if we’re good friends, then the next day he ignores me. What’s the deal? I finally texted him saying that I’ll give him space from now on because it’s been affecting my mental health. I feel like he doesn’t care about me because he rarely spends time with me anymore. He hasn’t replied. I’m planning on leaving this friendship even though I care deeply. A part of me does not want to let go because I know he also deals with depression.

I, 32M, still haven't gotten over my ex- of almost 3 years. I'm in a relationship right now but for whatever reason any attempt that I had of sexual encounters before my current gf and even now were... placid. The sex isn't bad but it's not wonderful either. My ex had everything. She was hot, feisty, a great body and any woman I've met since then has just... not lived up to any of that. She was perfect.

My current girlfriend is currently losing weight to make herself more appealing, although she was recommended to do so for health related purposes. Now, before anyone calls me a shallow asshole, let me tell you that I love my girlfriend and she's a great companion, it's just.. I'm not that into her sexually and part of that is because I'm subconsciously comparing what I have with her with what I've had with my ex and I'm fully aware that comparison is the thief of joy instead of living every moment. Another part has to do more with the fact that she's slightly overweight. She's been gradually losing weight and I'm very fit myself ( 10-15% BF), the fact that we go to the gym together has a massive benefit. Before I shift my attention to this, truth be told, I'm rather distressed about the fact that even if she does lose weight, I don't know if I'm still gonna be attracted to her more or just lose even what I have.

I mean, tough luck but I want to experience the same level of sexual attraction and chemistry that I had with my ex, even if it's with another woman at least once. First of all, I'm not even sure if I want to break up. She's a wonderful companion and girlfriend. And I fully believe sex is something we can both work out, I'm just frustrated not getting the same satisfaction that I had with my former relationship ( yup, she was hotter, not gonna deny that). Any suggestions ( beyond calling me superficial slurs at least)?

I broke up with my boyfriend a year ago and have recently decided I want to put myself back out there.
I’ve been talking to this guy online for a few days now and we have a dinner date lined up for this weekend. However, the closer the day gets, the more anxious I become.
My problem is that frankly, I’m terrified of men. My last relationship ended because I found out my ex was cheating on me when he told me he wasn’t. I’m over the anger of it all, but I think that experience has somewhat tainted my perception of men. It doesn’t help that more and more stories of “normal” men killing their partners and children are becoming more and more commonplace. I feel I cannot trust a man to not abuse me or kill me.
I can’t afford therapy. I’d date women but I’m not 100% about that. This honestly feels like a problem that therapy can’t fix because it’s disingenuous to tell women “Just be careful, don’t go too fast, watch out for red flags” when men will wait possibly YEARS, putting on the face of a good person, just to harm you when you’re most vulnerable. It’s like every man is a ticking time bomb. I know that I can’t live my life in fear but this world is objectively not safe for women. Yet I desire companionship.
I don’t know what kind of advice anyone can give me, or if there’s anyone else who can commiserate in the comments about this type of anxiety.

I’m 21M and I’m getting lonely and frustrated I can’t get a girlfriend no matter how hard I try I can go in more details if needed but what do I do I need help I also have hard time talking and bad social anxiety and was isolated for some time can’t can’t talk or have a good conversation and I need help

I’ve got some first dates in the near future and Basically most of the time after a first date and I initiate a potential 2nd date I get the “I didn’t feel a spark but you’d make a great friend though!” Text… it’s brutal. My biggest issue is that I’m not a very physical touch type of person, at least when meeting people early on (once I get to know them I am though) I just feel uncomfortable about it. I just don’t know how to break that line between friend and relationship potential with someone and it’s tough… usually on first dates it’s a low pressure coffee/ice cream and a walk through a park while we chat kind of vibe, I ask lots of questions, there’s decent banter, and im good with joking around and making them laugh… the dates usually end well too but then as I mentioned the friendship text. I’d love any advice. I’m also not very attractive conventionally, I dress well, groom myself well too etc but I am a larger guy which doesn’t help though I’m working on that. How do I create a spark on the first date?

I’m 28 F and sometimes I’m scared I’ll be alone forever. My dating life has been nothing but disappointment, and not wanting kids makes it feel even harder to find someone. I don’t want to settle or change who I am just to be loved. I just want someone to share life with, grow together, experience the little things, and build something meaningful. sometimes, it hurts wondering if that will ever happen for me. 💔

Background - Met this guy on a casual dating app. We vibed , met , became FWBs. I 32F, he 29M.

Every time we met i acted pretty nonchalant. I guess i was convincing myself that this is strictly casual nd not to catch any feelings.
Couple months after he said he is leaving the city.

And suddenly there was a pit in my stomach but i controlled. We met last time in late august nd he said that was our last. I agreed..

I told him i ll miss him. To which he replied sweetly. Nothing that points to him having feelings.

2 days ago he texted me, talked about his recent trip nd showed me pics. Then he mentioned he was in the city. I asked him to come he agreed. Then he left late night.

I guess by now he knows i have a soft spot for him . He keeps asking me whats happening in my dating life but i just dont reply to it.
All those feelings i was trying to bury .. just all came back. Now i am sitting with this fact that i cant have him.. except for these short moments…

Damn i miss him .. i want him around me. Not like in a “ i cant live without him “ way, but in a way that he isnt far, he acknowledges my feelings or may be reflects too. I guess this is a dream now.

Help me get over this. Is there anythng else at all that i can do ?