Big feelings, is exceptionally patronizing and demeaning. I find it especially obnoxious when used in adult conversations. Can we, at least, talk and respond to each other like adults? I lose respect for anyone who talks like that to another adult.

Developmentally Ready, specifically for potty training, was essentially created/co-opted by some Pediatricians who sat on the boards of Huggies and Pampers to sell more diapers. As a result we have large swaths of children entering Kindergarten not potty trained. It's also seeped into other parts of child rearing as some magical excuse why our children are behind the curve in one area or another. I get it. No one, myself included, wants to admit our child may be below average at anything but we have to do better. It's not that they're not developmentally ready it's that parenting is hard. Raising well adjust children is hard. We have to stop giving ourself the excuse, It seems were a few years away from explaining away failure to launch as not developmentally ready. By that logic, do I just get to feel like I'm not developmentally ready have a job? No, we do the hard things even when we don't want to.

edit: "Toilet training methods, clinical interventions, and recommendations. American Academy of Pediatrics" circa 1999 was published by T. Berry Brazelton who also was on the board m, continued to receive financial support from Pampers until much later. Both Washington Post and Time confirms this with contemporary reporting.

So my wife’s away this weekend. Looking forward to a weekend just me and the kids. But means I have free evenings. I need to complete Wolverine. But I wanna watch a few classics? Any ideas? Or what would you be doing with 2 free evenings.

Gonna cook up some loaded nachos.

I've been doing my eldest (nearly 4) girl's hair with mixed success since she was about 18 months old. My wife and all the nursery staff manage to do her hair without it falling apart, which is something I've always found to be tremendously difficult.

For a while I tried a combination of bunches at the back and hair clips at the front, but I always find a couple of strands that I missed when clipping up later on (or that came loose from the clips) and within an hour, the front of her hair is a mess again. A few months back, I learned how to plait hair, but I've always found this really fiddly and it often ends up coming loose and/or getting lost in the mess that is the rest of her hair. I tried learning to braid it properly, front of the scalp all the way down the back. I got the logic of it but my hands just couldn't make it stick.

I'm at a loss at this point. I'm reluctant to get my wife to show me because my daughter won't stay still enough for it. She barely stays still enough when one of us has one run through it, never mind having one person demonstrate and the other person practice.

I think I should throw in a disclaimer at this point that her hair is curly, which complicates it significantly, particularly for me as I can be cack handed at the best of times.

I'm just curious if anyone has any quick and easy tricks that come in handy or if it's just a case of sticking at it and trusting it'll get easier as her head and hair both grow?

[Just to be clear from the outset, there's no crime or even insults here; just adults who don't care about her.]

My daughter just turned 10 and loves playing hockey. She's a pretty good player and I've had to find her a lot of opportunities to train and play at a higher level (driven by her; I'd rather not drive 90 miles at 5 am to a practice. Edit: you'd be shocked at how many people do this regularly.)

She's in her 2nd season of 10U and she tried out for two teams, plus checked out another team's practice before deciding not to try out. She ended up sticking with her old club because she wanted to play with a (male) friend from school.

I knew this would be the weakest of the three teams, but it would give her a chance to be a leader and learn to play center. She also joined a girls team that's 50 miles away but significantly better (we only go to games; practices are impossible to make after school.)

Her main team has turned into a massive cluster. The coaches all have huge egos and one guy who coaches a different (lower level) team is clearly dictating what goes on in practice to her coach. It's not at an appropriate level for kids who've had a year in this division already. She basically stands around a lot in practice and isn't learning anything.

Because the kids aren't taught anything, they are what I'd call "unnecessarily bad". They are playing in a reasonably high division; everyone needs to be a good skater and understand positions. Most teams can pass the puck, break out, play physical, etc. Her team may have a few skilled individual players but without learning to play positions and play as a team, they don't have the tools to beat teams that are significantly worse than they are.

The losses and the messed up practices seem to be getting to her. Her team only won one game last year, but they were reasonably skilled and it was coaching strategy and a kid who didn't want to be a goalie who dragged them down (we used five goalies.) I can see her effort dropping off in games already. Practice has no intensity, so she's matching that level.

Anyways, the issue for me is...I feel awful.

I tried to vet the coaches and I failed. The guy who's controlling practice told me a good story but he has no interest in improving the older kids, only the younger kids who played for him last season. Her team's coach hates communicating but he took teams to playoffs three seasons in a row recently. He was a skills coach for the last few years but decided to coach a team this year. Everyone insisted he's a great coach, but what he's doing is intervention-level bad.

On the one hand, my daughter got the independence to make her own decision, and I'm sure next year, she'll think about whether it's worth a miserable season to play with a friend. But I also feel like I owe it to her to protect her from adults who don't have her best interests in mind.

Soccer season ends in a month or so and I'll be driving her around all over the place for extra training to make up for this. I'm going to shift my work schedule and pick her up early from school so she can go to the girls team practices. I know she doesn't expect me to make it up to her, but I will do my utmost.

I've recently become a stay-at-home dad, I love it. It's probably the most fulfilling thing I've ever done. With that being said, the porch has been my mortal enemy. It's very disorganized, there's nowhere to put stuff and I can NEVER keep it clean. It's stuck in a loop. WWYD?

And my wife is threatening me with a good time if she gets cleared by the doctor today. Apparently she thinks I’m a DILF. Anything to keep in mind if we get the go ahead?

Dad of two here, 5 and 9.

Between school, activities, work, family stuff and trying to find some time for myself, I feel like my phone should be helping me more than it does 😂

Curious what apps other dads actually find useful.

Could be anything:

• Keeping family life organised
• Kids' activities and education
• Screen time and parental controls
• Health, sleep and fitness
• Saving time or just making dad life easier

Not looking for the usual obvious apps. More interested in those hidden gems you genuinely can't live without.

What's one app you'd recommend to every dad?

My wife texted me at work that I forgot to wipe down the baby’s high chair last night. It feels like no matter how much I try I’m always forgetting one chore or any other because I’m not home long enough to have a sense of which chores are essential and which can be done on a more sporadic basis. Fellow dads what strategies are you using to remember all the tasks you need to get done each day?

Hey guys, been a lurker here most of the time but today I gotta ask for some advice here this time.

So my daughter who just turned 3 in July, is enrolled in a pre dance class since the beginning of the year. She has enjoyed it very much and took part in the yearly dance recital that happens with kids her age and it's very cute. She is having alot of fun and so we also wanted to enroll her in a tumbling (pre gymnastics) class as well like her older cousin who is 5.

Fast forward 2 months and we are in the new "season" of dance. She is taking part in another pre dance class and the tumbling class and has a different teacher than last season. Both classes are taught by this new teacher along with a student teacher in a closed room. They have blinds so you can't see inside but they have a TV screen that shows live footage from inside the studio as they dance. They do also open up the blinds usually in the last 10 minutes of the class so you're able to see inside and the kids can see you.

A few days ago my daughter unprompted said "I don't want Ms. (name of teacher) to yell at me". This was a little concerning to my wife and I and we tried to ask her why did she say that and if she is still having fun in the class. She said she is but we were a little concerned but didn't think too much of it at the time.

I wasn't able to attend so my wife told me that yesterday after my daughters tumbling class had ended the teacher goes out in the hall where all the other parents and students are and publicly dresses my daughter and wife down saying stuff like she doesn't listen in the class and she hasn't shown any improvement in the last 2 months which I know is false as we watch her through the screen and the blinds and she's doing all the moves they're teacher her.

She said it was really embarrassing and it made me so mad to hear how they could treat a 3 year old like that who is honestly so sweet and sensitive. I know my daughter was tired that day before class as she didn't sleep super well the night before so perhaps she wasn't as attentive in class but to not allow a 3 year old any grace in having an off day makes me believe this is not an issue with her but the teacher.

Since this has happened, we have pulled her out of the tumbling class because I'm not dealing with someone hurting my daughter's confidence and feelings and for publicly trying to shame my wife

The dilemma I have now is that my daughter still wants to go to the other pre dance class taught by the same teacher as my nephew who is the same age as my daughter is in the class with her and they are like best friends. I'm conflicted.

Not sure if I have a particular question about this but rather just trying to find someone to relate to a similar experience and what to do when a teacher or someone is treating your kids too harshly for their age.

Anyway, this was longer than I thought it would be. End rant. Thanks for reading

Basically what the title says.

For a little while now he shows a strong preference for dad. Gets excited when he enters the room and cries when he leaves. Pushes away from me when I’m holding him but with dad he settles right in. Pushes my face away or turns away when I try to give him a kiss or hug.

It’s starting to hurt my feelings a bit and I’m not sure what to do 😅

Trust was always the cornerstone of our relationship—on both sides. But after our son was born, things went quiet in the bedroom. Recently, while having a few beers with an old friend, the topic came up, and—without consulting my wife—I showed him a few clips from an explicit video of her and me from the past. The next day, I was so overcome with guilt that I confessed everything to her. She was—and still is—shocked, ashamed, and incredibly hurt. Understandably so. This is the worst thing I have ever done to anyone, and to think it was her... I know that this is 100% my fault and that I have no right to be forgiven. You are well within your rights to judge me. But please, help me figure out how to begin rebuilding the trust I’ve destroyed. I realize this won’t happen quickly, but I would be grateful for any advice.

I was recently in an accident where the other party was at fault. I had a car seat in the car but no child. Per the manufacturers guidelines the car seat was to be replaced even if it was considered a mild to moderate accident. My question is for anyone that has gone through this.

The car seat we got was purchased on a heavy discount (almost 50% off) due to my skills at finding deals. We had to submit proof of purchase to the insurance company and, even though they said they will replace with a similar or comparable model, I am concerned they will only pay equal to what we paid and we won't get the car seat we want. Any suggestions or advice is appreciated!

EDIT: Thank you everyone for the feedback. From the sounds of it I wish I was working with whatever insurance companies you all did. AAA is currently trying to only give me the price we paid despite putting in writing they will replace the car seat with a similar make, model, and quality. They have not mentioned me buying and them reimbursing at all, they said they will replace the car seat. So I am hesitant to go buy one yet and then not get paid back.

Iknow it's obvious. Don't all jump down my throat.

I'm working on a new mortgage and looking at a 5yr fixed term... The. Realised my son will be 8yrs old after the fixed term ends... And to me that's just fucking insane.

If only there was a way to revisit earlier times... I guess this is when people start to decide they want more kids huh...

Today when I was peeing my 6 year old son ran up behind me and hit me in the balls. What's the worst way it's happened to you guys?

Dads,

I am a Dad of 3 in Australia trying to show my kids the documentary "Winged Migration" for the US its a $3.99 rental, but nothing in Australia will let me see it. I just bought a VPN subscription but it now won't allow me to use my Australian bank to process the transaction.

I have resorted to piracy but am struggling. Does anybody have any advice so I can show my kids this beautiful movie?

I have a smart, beautiful and empathic 10 y/o girl. She's always been big on emotions, good and bad. The ones that affect her (and us) the most are her deep fears around sleeping, anxiety when she stays at home all day and when the night start approaching.

She used to be more confident and outgoing. Recently, she's been too shy and easily embarrassed. We took her out of soccer practice recently as she said she sucks and has no friends.

Lately, she's been saying she feels stressed and that too many "bad" things are happening to her. My wife used the word stress when trying to explain her what she's feeling and we believe she's using it back, maybe not knowing exactly what she's actually going through. I use quotes for "bad" because the things happening are fights with her 8 y/o brother, kids at school misbehaving (her words) and the teacher punishing the whole class (she hates stuff like this), or water splashing her new book and ruining it. We know this is not the end of the world, but she sees everything compounding and gets a sense of dread and overwhelm.

There are two major things:

• She's always had issues sleeping. She needs us there and wakes us up multiple times per night. We tried everything (yes, including sleep training at different ages) and the best results came from seeing a therapist who gave her tactics to deal with her night fears. She's doing better, but still suffers from this.
• We think hormones are kicking in and everything is amplified. Every bad thing that happens is world-ending. This amplifies her anxiety levels, which leads to her getting riled up before bed time, and spiraling in her head, getting worked up the more she thinks about it. All of this is usually triggered at night, right before going to bed, making it hard for her to fall asleep.

We've had many conversations with her about this. Many talks about hormones and changes, about being patient with herself, self-acceptance, trying to build up her confidence. Other talks are more stern: you can control this, you need to use the tricks the therapist taught you, you can do this, etc. She's now using the conversations against us, saying that all the talks are overwhelming her and adding to the stress.

Wife and I totally see how going back to talk to a therapist would be the sensible next step. However, we're worried she'll see this as a "you're not strong enough to do this on your own" thing. This is not our fear, it's something she voiced at some point. We're OK with getting help from an expert.

I'm writing this to see if anybody else has seen this with their kids? Maybe you have a new perspective to offer us? Maybe you can confirm puberty kicking in messing with her head and she'll come around? Tips on how to talk to her about these issues, without being on top of her 24/7? I dunno... I just want my 10 y/o not to be talking about being stressed and being able to get a good night sleep, and the rest of us as well.

I managed to pick up a Gyroor electric kids scooter at a flea market for very cheap. It needed a repair, so I fixed it and it works perfectly. My nearly 3yo already loves the thing, but is definitely not ready for it yet. The lowest handlebar setting is at her nose level. I will say that she is small for her age, as her parents are on the smaller side (yay me I guess!).

She does have a more age-appropriate 3 wheel scooter that she kinda outgrown, so we might get a another 3 wheel scooter that's a little bigger. All she wants to do is ride the electric one now. Mind you, its not capable of carrying me and her at the same time, I am 40lbs over its limit. My wife and the baby could ride, but she refuses to since her balance is bad.

Eventually I want to get one for myself that my daughter can ride with me, to get a feeling for the speed and extended riding sessions. Running next to her now while propping the scooter up is a little exhausting.

For those Dads in the US, our favorite time of the year is happening on Nov 1st.

Yes, Daylight Saving Time is happening Nov 1st. Take the needed precautions and have fun

Heavy breakfast before school. It's exam week . Next week on friday they start a long holiday

I’m non native english speaker, living in US, and my street has a lot of kids of the same race, including my daughter. They’re smart and usually well-behaved, and they’ve practically grown up together since they were toddlers. Lately, about a year ago, when they have playdates at someone’s house, they don’t want to leave. They keep asking for more time, sometimes even extending it by 30-60 minutes past the scheduled playdate. They’ll hide, repeat what I say, and try to avoid sleeping, but they won’t leave. My daughter needs more sleep because she’s the youngest.

This happens at all the homes where they play. I’ve tried to be nice, playful, and give warnings, but the pattern keeps repeating. Sometimes, I don’t have the patience to deal with it because of work pressures. I have to put my foot down and give a stern warning to my daughter and the other girls who also try to avoid sleeping. I usually start by asking nicely, but after some time, my patience runs out because this happens almost every time they play at my place.

I feel like I’m overstepping, and I know all parents are in the same situation. I’m not sure how they’re handling it, but I’m getting frustrated by this.

How can I deal with this?

Ps: Used AI to clean up the text.

I get sinus headaches every now and again and my kids are bouncing off the walls. I'm doing everything I can to not scream. Tomorrow when the headache is gone they're going to all be laying around, quietly reading books, and not wanting to do anything. Today they are working together to be the loudest, most insane parkour enthusiasts our living room has ever seen.

My baby boy has the stomach flu and I feel so bad for him. He’s usually up and running around and excited but now he’s been sleeping all day and quiet (when awake). He’s drinking plenty of fluids but this is day 2 of barely any food. The doctors aren’t worried but I wish I could snap my fingers and make him feel better 🥺

I need to say this all here... Or else I feel like I am going to breakdown.

I (m36) love my wife (f37). We met in 2023, and got married a year later. We were perfect together. We went through hardships, ups and downs, and now truly believe we are soul mates. I have never been so happy.

So when we discussed having kids, I thought it would make sense. Before I met her, I didn't want kids but mostly due to the fact that I never expected to actually find my soulmate and get married. Since getting married made us so happy, children made sense.

The pregnancy went by well enough. I was excited. I work with other families, so I want to be the best father possible, and raise a happy, healthy, and successful child.

Our child was born premature, 34 weeks due to preeclampsia. He is healthy and good now, but he spent the first three weeks of his life in the NICU. We visited every day for 3-4 hours.

However, since our son returning home to us, I have been feeling more and more depressed. Some of it, I am certain is because of the lack of sleep that comes from raising a newborn. However, I can tell I am falling into depression more and more. I am eating much less (to the point that my wife commented about it). I have zero drive to do any of my usual hobbies (E.g. Working out, board and video games). I feel numb and quiet, no opinions no cares most days. As a result, I have been obsessively reading books, especially romance novels, just trying to feel something.

I feel like I lost my wife... The baby takes priority, as it should, as he needs all the support and care to grow and thrive... But I feel like he is a wedge in our relationship. We don't sleep together anymore because we take shifts with our son at night. We don't have the energy to be intimate. I miss her.

And... I should feel sad to say this... But I don't love my son.... At least, not how I love my wife, nor how I view my wife to love our son. I know I need to care for him... To raise him... And to keep him safe... But I don't feel love for him like I would imagine a parent does...on the best days, I feel nothing for him.

I don't know if I should tell all this to my wife. I don't know if this will pass as my son will get older. All I know now is... Is that I am not happy, and it sucks.

Thank you for listening to my TED talk.

UPDATE*** Thank you everyone for your advice and support. Reading your comments actually triggered me to have a good cry session, relieving a lot of tension within me. Much of the advice included seeking professional help. I am strongly taking that into consideration and reviewing my insurance for it now. That said - that cry really helped a lot. Thank you again everyone

Almost 4 years since I left our marriage due to her cheating, physical and financial abuse, you name it she pulled it in some way. We were together for a little over 11 years total.

I didn’t expect anything to be easy or amicable, and it certainly hasn’t been. Tbh, things were more amicable immediately after I left than they are now. We were still talking and putting our daughter first. Now my ex uses her as a messenger.

I thought with time things would calm down and we’d at least be able to communicate. And I’ve calmed down on my end. My mental health wasn’t great there for a while, but I’ve put in the work and have made great strides.

One of the things that hurts the most is that I’ve been completely cut off from people in her family that I truly, deeply love. Her parents who were there for me so many times when my own couldn’t care less about my struggles or tribulations. One of them is very sick, and I have to rely on the recollection of a 6 year old about watching her grandparent wither away in real time. It honestly makes me angry that ex puts our daughter in that position at all. It’s not right, and I don’t dig for information - so when she announces to me about long hospital trips and describes what happened to grandparent recently, I almost always start crying because I’m not prepared for it.

She refuses to even try to coparent. Put our kid into a shitty school when she could have gone to the best public option in our state, due to where I strategically moved after the split - something she explicitly agreed to in the custody paperwork.

I didn’t fight it, I didn’t take her to court, just hoped she’d see how bad the school is (I have friends who’s kids went there, along with those that are teachers and they all volunteered to talk to her about this schools many, many issues) and now she’s opening up her third frivolous attempt to have things changed or going after me directly via the courts.

I just want peace and basic respect, common decency and to put our daughter first.

Am I asking for too much? She cheated so I left. She got the house, my dog, primary custody, and to be with her cheating partner.

Why am I the one getting punished for it years later?

My wife and I both work from home 8 am to 5 pm. We have a 2.5 year old daughter. The trouble is that my wife seemingly avoids spending time with her any chance she gets. It all started with her saying she wanted to sleep in more. I had no problem with it because I am a morning person. So from 6 am until I start work at 8 I play with my daughter. Sometimes we go to the park, sometimes we make pancakes, sometimes we just play dolls in her room.

My wife and I get off at 5 and her nanny leaves, my wife will play with our daughter for 30 minutes and then come up with any excuse to leave the room. "oh I'm hungry I am going to go eat." "Oh I need to go do my skincare routine." "Oh my sister is calling I'm going to the other room to talk to her on the phone."

So from 5:30 until she goes to bed it's usually me playing with her. Mom does do the bedtime routine and put her to sleep. When it comes to doing the rules based stuff she's all for it. And it doesn't get better on weekends. Mom will go out with girlfriends, or even ask grandma to come watch her and take me out with her.

It's starting to be so bad when my wife does try to interact with our daughter she says things like "no mommy I want to be with daddy."

Today, she did it again and I blew up. She put our daughter in the bathtub and then called me to come in there and play bubbles with her because she was hungry and wanted to go eat. I said fine and she could tell I was annoyed so she offered to stay. Only this time my daughter said "no mommy go I want to be with daddy." I finally snapped and told me wife of course she wants to be with me you avoid her every chance you get.

Honestly if I knew having kids with this woman would be like this I would have never done it. She was the one who had to convince me to have a child. I was content without one. Now that she's here I don't regret her but I'm starting to really resent my wife.