I’m 23 and transferred to my university from community college about a year ago, and honestly, I’ve been struggling a lot more than I expected.
For context, I changed my major and took a gap year due to health reasons, which delayed my education. Transferring was supposed to be a fresh start, and I was genuinely excited to finally experience university life. Instead, I’ve been counting down the days until graduation.
Most of my friends have already graduated, started their careers, or moved out, and I feel like I’m still trying to experience a chapter everyone else has moved on from. I know 23 isn’t old, but being surrounded by younger students has made me feel even more disconnected.
I’ve genuinely tried putting myself out there by joining clubs, attending events, applying to student organizations, and talking to classmates. But most interactions feel incredibly surface-level, and I’ve encountered a surprising amount of coldness. I’ve been ignored, made to feel unwelcome at meetings, and even turned away from activities. It’s especially discouraging because I’ve never had this much difficulty connecting with people before.
I remember visiting friends a few years ago and seeing how naturally people made friends and included one another. I always imagined I’d have that experience too, but now it feels like everyone already has established friend groups and isn’t interested in meeting anyone new.
Being a commuter doesn’t help either. Between classes, commuting, and working, I feel like my entire life revolves around responsibilities. I go to campus, attend class, try to socialize, and go home. It’s like I’m attending university without actually experiencing university life.
I’ve considered moving closer to campus for more independence and social opportunities, but finding affordable housing and roommates closer to my age has been difficult. I’m also hesitant to commit to an expensive lease when I’m already unhappy here.
I think what makes this especially difficult is feeling like I’ve spent most of my early twenties trying to catch up. Between health issues, changing my academic path, and working, I feel like I’ve missed out on so many experiences. Watching people my age graduate, travel, move out, and enjoy close friendships while I’m still trying to find my place has honestly been depressing.
I’m not even looking for some unrealistic college experience. I just want friends to study with, grab food with, go out with, or spontaneously make plans with. I want something to look forward to besides graduation.
It’s gotten to the point where I’ve sought counseling because of how isolated and unhappy I’ve felt. I genuinely think I’d enjoy university if I had a close group of friends and felt included in campus life. Instead, I feel like I’m just trying to survive each semester.
I don’t want to spend the rest of my college experience wishing it were over, especially after working so hard to get here. I’m trying to build a career in data science, so I know I should be focusing on internships, networking, and preparing for life after graduation. But it’s hard to stay motivated when I feel so disconnected from the environment I’m spending so much of my time in.
Has anyone else, especially older transfer students or commuters, experienced this? Did moving closer to campus help your social life? How did you find your people when everyone seemed to already have established friend groups?