I was walking to meet up with my group at the library for a project. (I had presentation yesterday and it went great). I saw a bunch of posters talking about different mental illnesses in detail (histrionic disorder, ocd, narcissistic disorder, even phobias). Then I saw Bipolar disorder. I’d say it covers this disorder clearly, what do u guys think?

Can someone help me about if I did the right thing? About an hour ago, I had been crying uncontrollably, not breathing well etc. out of my mind. I called my dr- they can’t get me in til Wednesday.

I told work I need a leave of absence so she called me and asked what was going on. I wad crying and panicky when she called and she asked if I could elaborate and I just told her mental health problems, I did want to disclose my diagnoses.

She asked if it was something related to work and it was. It was actually the last straw before I went into this psychosis. Recently, I have done unimaginable things that I normally wouldn’t do. I don’t even want to share it’s so bad.

So this thing at work tripped the switch and she asked if it was work related and I said partially and explained what happened.

I don’t know if I should have done that or what my next step is. I’m married with kids. I plan on trying to get the mortgage on forbearance. It’s just too much.

I kicked my husband out of the house last week because I thought he was stalking me and listening to my phone calls. One example of the many things I have done recently.

Anyone go through issues with work? I’ve had 8 jobs in the past 3 years and really like this one. It’s easy and I was fine up until now.

As my mood swings my posts/replies can get to out there. Even with medicine. Reddit just nailed me with a warning! I was like Sorry. I am sorry but I know it can easily happen again. I wonder how many bipolar users are getting tossed off Reddit each day for failing the policies. I like Reddit I just have to try more control or make notes to triple check my posts before hitting that Post button. I already feel like I am a goner.

Caption.

This same exact doctor kept misdiagnosing me and pushed SSRI after SSRI for 2 years straight.

I’m from a European country where there’s a social security appointed one in each city territory that you can go to for free. I went to see a private one finally 4 months ago, and she’s been a godsend angel. She immediately put me on two medications which have been working amazingly.

So I went back to the free one, just to get my meds prescribed every month from now on. This can usually be down by phone, but since I haven’t been to her in months her assistant told me come in.

I tell the doctor what I’ve been diagnosed with (type 2) and my medication. She said that I look very “well dressed and good looking” (??) and that I don’t seem like someone with bipolar.

I was so shocked I couldn’t even respond, what actual fuck do you mean? Like yes I am finally functioning like normal BECAUSE of the medications.

She refused to prescribe me anything but the SSRI I was taking before my first very bad hypomanic episode. I walked out on her and simply said “thanks for nothing.” I cannot believe how or why this woman got her degree. But she shouldn’t be practicing.

The meds themselves cost like 2 euros, but I have to pay the rest of my life (rather until this bitch retires) to get them prescribed. 🤘🏻

Its hard for a lot of us to even keep employment, so to those who work and get paid well, what do you do? And do you think there’s certain fields/environments we thrive in?

After a horrible horrible summer of just pure awfulness I can say for the first time in a while im not suicidal right now. I still have depression but no suicidal thoughts or ideation. The one thing I realized coming out of it is how hard it is to live and be someone its so hard. I feel my personality is so far away from me if that makes sense and my brain feels a little dead and yes I may be wasting away a tiny bit playing skyrim (lol) but for once I feel like I have made some progress

had a moment with my partner the other night, and learned a lot about myself that i wasn't prepared to learn. dedicated the entire next day just to processing it all. sometimes you remember something, and then you keep remembering. and eventually, the remembering itself blurs together, and becomes an overwhelming task of its own. do i have to remember? do i get a choice?

I already experience this enough with people who are “close” to me in my personal life, given that I have no friends.

I get so depressed

sorry, English is not my native language

Seen a new psychiatrist and this one told me its not bipolar because I didnt spend all my money from a loan I took out during a manic episode where I suddenly moved 200 miles away, lived out my car, tried to start my own business and then crashed and went home.

Im just tired of every psychiatrist saying something different.

I know I’m only at the beginning of my journey, and I believe people when they say it gets easier, but right now I feel like I’m gnawing at the bars of my own enclosure.

I was diagnosed with Bipolar I at 23, and after losing my job, I couldn’t access treatment for a few months. Eventually, I had a manic episode that almost put me in the hospital. Since then, I’ve been trying to find the right treatment, and honestly, I’m exhausted.

I want to feel stable, but some of my experiences with treatment have left me feeling restless, emotionally numb, and disconnected from myself. I’m scared of having to choose between managing my bipolar and still feeling like me.

For those of you who’ve been through this, how did you cope with the trial-and-error stage? How did you stay hopeful when finding the right treatment felt impossible?

I genuinely feel so stuck :(

I hate feeling like shit all the time. I hate having to second guess anytime I feel good. I hate having to take meds and not being stable in them yet and having the worst hair trigger mood swings I’ve ever had. I hate fighting with my wife because literally everything is pissing me off. I hate knowing that I’ll never be “normal”. Sometimes I just want to have a breakdown and not be labeled as crazy. I want the hallucinations and psychotic symptoms to stop I want my brain to be quiet for once. I never want to hear “it gets better” again because apparently it freaking doesn’t it just gets better and takes a nose dive again. I want the side effects from meds to stop interfering with my job performance and damn I just want a 3 day knockout sleep to reset

Sorry and thank you for coming to my ted talk

I'm sorry for pushing everyone away.

I see flashbacks of everyone looking at me, it haunts me.

Their eyes and how they look at me.

I feel so stuck, like I don't belong.

No matter how hard I try I keep going, and going, and going.

I just want to give up today, everyday.

I told myself I wouldn't be like my mom but I'm turning exactly like her.

I'm so sorry if I hurt anyone, I just feel so pathetic.

my apartment has always reflected my state of mind - when i’m manic everything is tidy, fresh, i’m picking up stylish pieces of furniture off facebook marketplace that i probably don’t have any business buying. when things are rough, though..dishes don’t get done, trash sits in the bag, if it even makes it into the bag. i don’t know how it happens, but i wake up and i’m in some kind of nightmare room.

but this past week i’ve been devoting time to cleaning, reorganizing, and finally feel like i’ve reclaimed my space again. a contractor is coming tomorrow for maintenance which normally would send alarm bells through my brain and body, but because i’ve restored my depression apartment into a state that actually looks livable, it’s totally okay. i don’t have much to say other than this, i just wanted to get it off my chest - it feels so good to know that i cleaned up my act and things are where they belong again.

This is going to be a bit long, but I have taken the latest energy I have to write all of this because I am being kicked down by depression. I was diagnosed with bipolar type 2 disorder two years ago. I've been medicated until recently. I am experiencing my first seasonal depression unmedicated in a long time, and honestly, I feel... awful, not to say totally hopeless.

I am a psychology student, and I've been missing university. I can't get out of my bed, I don't shower, and let's not talk about my hair. I have curly hair, and I haven't brushed it in three weeks. I have knots; I don't know how to fix that. I don't eat, and the worst of all, I keep pushing my friends away and destroying my relationships. I don't know what to do. A friend of mine wants to help, but I am in such a miserable state that I don't want anyone to drown with me, so I've been isolating myself from everyone except my mother (my mother is the type to force her help. I am getting help without a choice. But your friends, they aren't your mothe So, it's not their responsibility to bear that, right? )

I've hurt my friends by telling them to go away and that I want to be left alone. Things they did. And now I don't know. I am alone. Guilt is eating me alive.

Now I am a Muslim, I believe in God, and it saves me from feeling totally helpless or having suicidal ideation. But I am exhausted, and my executive function is totally zero. I don't know what to do. I don't know how to fix myself. My relationships, I don't know how I can stop being a burden to others. I just want to know what I can do. I sleep all day, and I am offline on my socials. I just want to be heard or listened to by people with the same condition as me. I feel so alone, but it's all my fault Ive been looking for it.

Thank you for reading all of this. I just. wish for my spark. I am not someone like this I usually live, i am usually optimistic. Now it's like watching my old self from a window

Ihave lived with bipolar disorder since I was 18—essentially my entire adult life—and it has been with me ever since I started dating and entering into relationships. So its already like almost 8 years.

My disease is untreated.

Every time I meet new men, they aren’t interested in me as a potential long-term partner; there’s always an ex they’re obsessed with, or some other "better" woman.

Why does this keep happening?

Is it because of my appearance?

I am a slim woman with an average-looking face (I’m not beautiful; I have an average face).

Does not having a pretty face mean I’m doomed to be alone for the rest of my life?

I feel like no one has ever truly loved me. At best, they just want to use my body for a while, or they treat me like a free therapist—crying to me about their exes.

I’m tired by it.

I don’t understand—what am I doing wrong?

My bipolar primarily manifests as dysphoric mania or mixed states, alternating with depression. Happy mania is quite rare for me.

Why am I so unlucky in love?

Is my face to blame—do men only want pretty girls?

On dating sites, I exclusively choose "average" men because my self-esteem is low, yet even they treat me poorly.

I try to avoid making prolonged eye contact with people; when I’m depressed, I feel like they’re judging my ugliness. When I’m in a manic state, I don’t want to scare them, as my gaze can be quite intense.

Do you also struggle to find luck in love, or is there something wrong with me?

My mood changed 10 days ago in a weird way and I couldn't understand what was happening to me. It was just now that I realized that this may be the first time I notice I'm in a mixed state. I made my research and found out about dysphoric mania, which comes pretty close to what I'm facing right now.

If you have already gone through this type of manic episode, could you please share your experience?

Did anyone else have the worst nightmares while they were in psychosis, and/or post psychosis? I was afraid to fall asleep. I also had this weird fear about choking in my sleep…like I was convinced I would stop breathing. I did later find out that I was sleeping on a mattress with black mold. Could that be related?

It’s been about 4 months since I got out of psychosis and for the first time in awhile, I had a nightmare last night. When I woke up this morning, it felt distant. Like I remember during psychosis my nightmares felt tangible in some way. Anyone else experience this?

I feel like 'this is it'. I nuked all of my strong relationships to the point of no return. At the time, I felt so strongly and now I see how harmful I've been and I really think the solution is to leave these people alone. Parts of me doesn't even want to resolve issues because I don't even trust the validity of my emotions and feelings. My therapist says I need to confront things I avoid, but I don't even know where to start if I don't even trust the thoughts in my head.

I need to understand how to work with being avoidant. I get defensive and the only solutions I have at the time it occurs is to isolate and let the thoughts come in and out while I carry on with other priorities. It hurts mentally and physically to stress over something I could have done differently to where I really need to take a step back and return when I am level headed. The issue is that I can't put a timeframe out there. It takes months and even years for me to feel firm about my stance on obstacles in life such as arguments. At this point, any people unfortunately involved in my personal chaos are already over it. I hate hurting people, but I also can't be depended on beyond my limit. I genuinely do rationalize why I think a certain way and I feel like it's justifiable at times, or other times it feels like immaturity and embarrassment.

I get so overwhelmed thinking about it that it's better for me to numb it out and train myself to not care and detach.

I feel like I've been on an overall downhill trajectory that it's hard to truly recognize improvements I've made in my life.

I can acknowledge the statement of "I have made improvements in my life" but I can't ever really accept and know this statement.

I hate that I can't trust myself.

Title says it all. 28f with bipolar 1 with severe psychotic features. I haven’t been sleeping well so I took an extra dose of my sleeping med last night and still couldn’t sleep. I also haven’t been eating. My med dosages were recently increase. My psychiatrist did warn me that this could cause mania, and to alert her if I notice. But tbh… I don’t want to tell her, or anyone really. I’m so used to feeling like dog shit, feeling down, depressed, SI, you name it. I’d like to just experience a good feeling for a while, but I know how dangerous mania becomes. I wish mania didn’t come with a set of problems. I enjoy feeling up and alert; not a brain dead, depressed, non-functional zombie. Don’t worry as I’m going to message my psychiatrist today. Just wanted to express my emotions a little. Thanks.

I don't know what to do. I've been in the midst of a depressive episode and been fairly suicidal the past few days. I'm in the middle of nowhere, at least 2 hours from where I live, and I think I've talked myself down. However, the bus back doesn't come for at least 6 hours. I think I'm in a safe place now. I know I need to get help in some form, but I don't know where to go or what to say. My therapist appointment is tomorrow, but it's over 24 hours away, and I'm worried that if I wait that long, I'll brush it off as if nothing happened. What can I do in the meantime, and what should I do once I get back? Any advice or experiences would be greatly appreciated. I'm not reaching out to a support line because I've had bad experiences there in the past. Thanks

i have been taking meds for bipolar for half a year now and other meds. and in that time i have been very unlucky and have had major back to back external problems that have been quite traumatising and have ruined every aespect of my life and my meds don’t work.

for context:
i am being asked to move out as i am emotionally bringing down the family because im so depressed. i am fresh out of high school, i am estranged from my father who is still with my mother and brother and my mum is staying with him but i refuse to talk to him. i am extremely anxious and depressed and feel like a burden cuz people keep treating me like shit, stop being friends with me or they discard me.

i’m not mad at my mum because she has her reasons but i’m js hurt that im apparently a factor into why her relationship w my dad deteriorated and i hate myself because it makes me feel awful and i feel like ive been blamed by something i’ve tried to handle but it’s not in my control. i was also the one that had to tell her abt what happened that my dad did.

ive lost everything abt me and ive lost everyone around me. im scared and im confused and im hurt and for the first time i am completely lost.

i’ve never felt so idk i don’t even know what this is. i just want one thing in life that i can control.

i thought that when i got on meds it would work, and my fast acting one was definitely immediately noticeable and i felt different. but not long after, it i followed a string of events ( not due to bipolar )that kept on getting worse and worse, stuff that wasn’t my fault or anything i control and its like overwhelmed me to the point my medication doesn’t even work because the stuff around me doesn’t let it. idk it’s hard to track and know what’s working what’s not working when the only time i saw a glimpse of change was for 2 weeks and then 6months later i don’t even know what works and what doesn’t because it genuinely does not do shit.

has anyone been through this? like their body won’t work with it and it’s not js because it doesn’t work but more because you go through a non stop process of traumatic events? idk it’s sad and idk how i can get the right meds or know what works and doesn’t work etc. also has anyone ever been forced to move out because they are too depressed?

I have been told that I have mixed anxiety and depressive disorder, but that doesn't account for the fact that I take antipsychotics. For me, it just reads as though I have just anxiety and depression, and it's stressing me out even more. I want to get a second opinion, and I live in the UK. Can someone give me some advice, please? I have episodes of psychosis.

Here in the UK, they demonise the disabled as a drain on their resources and make jokes about young people getting disability benefits for anxiety and depression, when my symptoms are much worse than anxiety and depression. I hear voices and have delusions. So when I tell people, 'Oh, I just have anxiety and depression,' it feels stupid. I feel that I'm being judged for my disability. I'm taking medication for psychosis, but this is my second psychotic episode.

I was told by social workers that I am being treated for Bipolar I, but my psychiatrist formally diagnosed me with mixed anxiety and depressive disorder. But I feel that my condition is much worse and more intense than anxiety and depression.

How can I get a second opinion?

I’m not sure what’s going on right now. Some things are off like overspending, being more productive, big bursts of anger/irritability, not sleeping much and increased confidence. But I don’t have euphoria or endless energy.

What bothers me most are the thoughts. I feel like certain people can read my mind. That everything is a lie. That my bipolar isn’t a thing - I just made it up. Everything is fake.

But then on the flip side, there’s something that makes me question these thoughts - they are wrong. I just created them by overthinking.

The best way I can put it is that - I think I believe the statements above, but I don’t trust them.

What is going on? Can anyone help?

Hi all!

What are some songs that encapsulate life w/Bipolar for you or represent it to you?

For me, I've associated "People Watching" by Sam Fender, initially because I discovered it on the radio during a Manic episode when I would go driving alone aimlessly for hours without telling anyone where I was going, music blaring, windows down, down the streets of the city I was living in, sometimes at night. There's a drive to the song that evokes the energy of Mania for me, because as chaotic as it is in actuality, it isn't chaotic at all for me in the moment, it's just reality. "I can't stop running".

There's a melancholic, pensive sense of decay and impending loss lyrically that speaks to the darkness or Depressive, self-destructive side of my Bipolar, especially when it's occurred in a mixed episode in tandem with the (hypo)manic high that feels like a roller coaster I can barely cling on to. And while it also speaks to the fact that I am on the Autism Spectrum and have always felt a sense of disconnection or delay between myself and everyone and everything around me, just the idea of people watching speaks to the immense disconnection and "derangement" I've experienced before. People have no idea what's going on when they look at me. And hey, I have absolutely no idea what could be going on behind those eyes or in that heart or soul across from me. "Somebody's darling's on the streets tonight."

Ultimately, however, there's a spirit of perseverance, of choosing to hold love and the ones we love close, even when it means grief or heartbreak, that pierces through the song for me. Even when it hurts, it is an absolute wonder to be alive, to be me, and I hold onto that when the darkness tries its best to swallow me whole and make me do something to myself I would regret and take back if I could run back the clock. I know my uncle would if he could today. I've been too close to that edge to afford to let that God-given spirit of life and enduring for love's sake go.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fz3F_U5nkjw