And if you can’t nap, how often do you wish you could nap?

Daily? Weekly? Just on weekends? Only on vacation?

Just trying to gauge what the average 30+ year old woman has for a napping schedule!

Was chatting with my girlfriends today and they both admitted to not voting or planning to vote in the midterms, stating that it 'doesnt matter anyway' 'its rigged and wont count' and 'I dont vote unless its for the president'

I have voted in almost every single election since turning 18 and feel that its our right and especially as women we deserve to take advantage of our ability to choose or hope to choose certain outcomes. I do agree that not every politician is 'good' but I'm not voting for friends, I'm voting for policies. If everyone had the stance of 'my vote doesnt count anyway' then eventually they wouldnt count because no one would vote!

Curious if yourself or your friends vote?

I need warm blankets so I can actually fall asleep in the winter, but need them to be somewhat breathable for the dreaded night sweats.

I’ve always used used cotton sheets. And this summer have switched all our blankets to cotton, which that has worked great but there’s no way that will be warm enough in the winter. Our bedroom is cold.

Any recommendations? Or things to search for?

I’m feeling so many emotions & I need a good cry. Any recommendations for a fiction book that can help? Maybe a right person wrong time romance book? I enjoyed the show One Day… I know it’s based on a book but I never got around to reading it. I’m not a big fan of Colleen Hoover’s writing. Thank you <3

Hello,

How do you let someone down who isn’t curious about you early on. The conversations are dry and she barley responds to my questions with an inquiry for me and or I ask a question and sometimes it doesn’t get answered. So I am confused on how to connect with this person or move the intimacy forward.

I’ve planned the past three dates. Not much of a suggestion from her on what we could do next. I’m bored.

I know some people are bad conversationalist but am so bored. Genuinely trying to not just drop people but also see reality. Like why would I start off on such a boring front. She’s been in read for 2 days. Kinda don’t wanna do that.

Thank you,

EDIT: Thanks everyone for their comments

I’m curious if there was ever a moment you felt 100% ready to have a baby, or if you eventually just decided to take the leap.

On a scale of 0–10, where 0 is “I’m 21, ready to party, HELL NO” and 10 is “Put a baby in me TOMORROW,” where were you when you decided to start trying?

My husband and I are both 32, together for 11 years, married almost 5. We own a home, I have a master’s degree, and we’re pretty established in life. Ideally, I’d like a little more career growth and to finish a few home projects before trying.

But lately I’m wondering if I’m just being a perfectionist. There’s always going to be another promotion, another project, another trip. At what point am I just moving the goalposts?

We’re both sitting around a 6–7, although I occasionally hit an 8.

My husband has said he wants kids with me, but hasn’t necessarily always had an innate desire to be a father. For him, it’s more about wanting a family with the right person, which makes me curious about how men experience readiness compared to women.

For those of you who have kids or are actively trying, did you ever reach a 9/10?

How long did it take to get there? Were you and your partner equally ready, or did one of you get there first and have to wait for the other?

I’m especially interested in hearing whether your husbands ever experienced that overwhelming desire to have a baby, or if it was more of a conscious decision for them.

And looking back, was there a moment that flipped the switch, or did you just realize you’d never feel completely ready?
I’m starting to wonder if I’m waiting for a feeling that might never come.

I used to be the kind of person who loved to make plans out in advance.

I'm now a child free 39 year old woman.

As I get older I notice that plans on my calendar sometimes seem to cause me anxiety leading up to the day and I find myself hoping the person will cancel.

I notice lately I'm doing much better with plans made on a whim the day of because I can decide in the moment how I'm feeling or how my day is going if I feel like doing something or not.

Unfortunately this doesn't seem to work for anyone else... my few hours notice of "brunch or dinner anyone?" is usually met with 'sorry can't already have xxxx going on'. Which makes sense honestly.

Am i just getting increasingly nutty or is this anyone else?

Last week I brought up an issue I had at my daughter’s privately owned preschool with the onsite administrator. Later that day, I received a message from the owner, that was clearly written by AI. Below is an excerpt from the email:

“We take concerns seriously and are always open to reviewing our practices. Your questions and partnership mean a great deal to us.
Thank you again for reaching out and for your continued trust in our school!
And truly — we are so excited to have you come in and speak with our students. They're going to love learning from you about how we can take care of our world, and your visit will spark so much curiosity, kindness, and environmental awareness. Just let me know what day and time works best for you…”

Would also like to point out, that she suggested me coming into the classroom as a way to deflect from my original concern. Also found that very odd.

Im not a creep, just a teenager. Im like 100% certain I need to wash it more often but everything online is really split with some saying every day. But thats just crazy to me. idk

Fellow ladies,

I am looking for tips on how to handle my upcoming video interview. I am 37F back in uni and this is for an industrial placement. In my understanding, there will be no person on the other end, just a computer, and I record myself answering questions. Outside uni I have been having the same job for 8+ years and haven't had interviews in ages. I never had a video interview before. I was afraid of it already for these reasons and procrastinated doing it, but I can't postpone it any longer and have to submit it tomorrow.

I will get my period in a few days and currently feel very low, with waves of feeling annoyed and weak and sad. I cannot judge how coherent I am (I am not a native speaker), the words I am looking for are not coming, and I have a hard time assessing how I come across. I know I could do this placement well but, to quote Darwin, "But I am very poorly today and very stupid and hate everybody and everything". He wrote this in a letter to someone and it's my new favourite quote.

I also feel like being judged based on my performance this time in my cycle is unfair but that's a whole other discussion. I am so much more than this 24/28th of the time.

Any tips on how to handle an interview when you feel like you just can't?

Thank you.

I have never been conventionally attractive, so I didn't grow up hearing that I was pretty or beautiful, or the usual arsenal of compliments every girl gets tired of.

After losing weight 3 years ago, I sometimes get compliments on my looks when I dress up for a date. I am deeply appreciative when someone I know well comments positively on my appearance, but when a man or a date calls me pretty, it feels performative. I've worked hard to earn it, but it instantly makes me want to insert some distance between me and the man because it feels impersonal, performative, trite, shallow, and worst, like they consider me dumb enough to fall for it — a comment based on how I look, the one area no one really puts any work into.

I am just curious to know whether everyone has the same reaction? After wishing for more than nothing but to be called pretty all my life, I thought these compliments would feel nice, but I just feel underappreciated and reduced to an object. Should I go easy on men who praise my looks even when deep inside I feel they are putting on a facade to win me over and might not actually mean it?

I’ve been thinking a lot lately about what it means to be a soft or sensitive person, and I’m curious whether others can relate or have any advice.

I sometimes feel like I’m too soft for the world I live in. I have a really strong aversion to violence, aggression, meanness, and harshness of almost any kind, and lately I’ve been wondering whether this is something I need to learn to navigate better.

For some context, I really struggle with violence in movies and TV shows. Way back when, I used to occasionally watch UFC with friends, enjoy horror movies, and generally tolerate things that I now find difficult to watch. These days, the idea of watching UFC at all is near comical, the idea of drinking games is repulsive (just thinking about people suffering lol) and I often have to look away during particularly violent scenes in movies or shows. Even watching people get hurt in something like America’s Funniest Home Videos can make me physically uncomfortable.

I’m also very sensitive to loud noises. Concerts and movie theaters can feel overwhelmingly loud, and I now wear earplugs to both. I don’t enjoy being around people who are aggressive, angry, mean, or unnecessarily harsh. I can't watch reality tv (and don't want to) because it feels like unnecessary drama and unhinged-ness (why do people enjoy that?? why don't i??.) I gravitate toward things that feel gentle, peaceful, and beautiful: classic music, "quiet" spaces (think neutral colors,) ALLL the animals, pretty spaces, organization, nature, long walks, massages, and quiet natural sounds. I genuinely love happiness, beauty, and a sense of calm. I realize its not all about live, laugh, love, and I have deep relationships that have covered the gamut of divorce, infidelity, financial hardships, physical hardships, mental health, etc. I don't mind discussing and supporting friends and family in these areas whatsoever.

On top of that, I don’t avoid stories where bad things happen. I enjoy medical dramas like Grey’s Anatomy, thrillers, and shows like Jack Ryan or Paradise. I’ve also enjoyed darker stories about real-life events but stay away with that Ed Gein stuff. It’s more the graphic violence, extended fight scenes, cruelty, and certain kinds of interpersonal ugliness that I struggle with. I also find shows centered around infidelity or particularly toxic relationships uncomfortable to watch. For example, I felt a strong resistance to Euphoria when my partner watched it, even if I was only catching glimpses of it.

The thing is, I wasn’t always this sensitive. I’ve never been an aggressive or violent person, but I used to tolerate loud environments and enjoy horror movies without thinking much about it. Somewhere along the way that changed, and I don't understand why.

Where this has become particularly difficult for me is in my marriage.

My partner is a bit "rougher" around the edges than I am. Sometimes this comes through in his demeanor, tone, or the way he delivers certain comments. I can recognize that there are times when he’s genuinely too harsh or unkind, but I also wonder whether my own sensitivity plays a role in how I experience our interactions.

I don’t want to automatically assume that every uncomfortable feeling means someone else is doing something wrong. I want to be super clear I'm not out here shouting at the clouds that the world is too loud.

So I’m curious what everyone's thoughts are here:

• Are any of you naturally very soft, gentle, or sensitive to violence, aggression, loudness, or harsh personalities? How does this affect your everyday life and relationships? How do you deal!?
• Have you become more sensitive as you’ve gotten older, rather than less?
• If you’re with a partner who is more blunt, intense, or rough around the edges, how do you navigate that difference? Have you learned to become more resilient, or have you realized that certain differences in temperament are genuinely difficult to reconcile?
• How do you remain a gentle person in a world that can feel so loud, aggressive, and unkind, without becoming overwhelmed by it?

I’d really appreciate hearing from people who have experienced something similar, especially those who’ve found a healthy balance between being sensitive and being able to navigate the realities of everyday life.

*I'll note I am healthy (I workout and have great stress management, eat well, don't have any illnesses, et.c,) am happy (I run my own business which is hectic at times but overall good, have great friendships, good relationships with my family,) and educate myself continously (reading, thought-provoking conversations, individual and couples counseling.) Maybe im missing the glaringly obvious, so please feel free to point out anything I may be missing.

On Reddit, my homepage shows me women posing on fashion or fitness subs. The way that they pose shows a confidence I wish I had as a woman.

In theory I understand some of it: shoulders back, tits out. But there must be a mindset that comes with being able to present yourself as though you're the bees knees.

I'm willing to learn. I'm told I'm pretty, but a lifetime of not feeling good enough has left me slumped and comparing myself to others. I am working on building my self-esteem.

I am not as unconfident as I used to be. I run a charity, speak publicly, bare my hairy arms, and dress better than I used to.

I guess I'm asking about the superficial stuff here. The way you present yourself and walk into the world every day.

If I have to fake the outside, I will. So please, extremely confident ladies, how do you do it?

I am late 20’s now and for the longest time felt like male approval was extremely important to me. It was never a conscious thought, but almost subconsciously a constant concern about what men thought of me. It almost felt like an underlying insecurity that made me feel like I needed to look or act a certain way, as if I had to ask for permission for my existence. As I’m approaching 30 I’m finding that I just don’t really care about male approval when it comes to what they think of how I look or act. Not that men don’t matter, they do of course. But more like I don’t need to be under so much pressure, I can just exist. I feel crazy for even pointing this out and am not sure if any other women feel the same way or not.

Can any ladies chime in on this?

It just seems like everything is getting worse and going wrong. On top of it all I have become very isolated and am struggling to get out of the isolation because my ability to trust others has been seriously damaged.

In the past I would focus on building skills, knowledge, or my career when I have felt this way. But with AI, daily news about the impending environmental collapse, inflation, political upheaval, and loss of human rights going on globally I just am finding it hard to see the point in trying anymore.

How do you keep hope alive?

I moved to a new city last year and tried making friends through Bumble BFF. I matched with one girl who suggested we'd go to a feminist meet-up together as a first in-person meeting.

The event was great, afterwards we went for coffee together. I very quickly felt like she wasn't really interested in getting to know me. She barely asked me any questions about myself and instead talked a lot about her abstract goals and random philosophies - which is interesting, but I want to get to know you as a person, and I want to feel like you're curious about me too! Whenever I interrupted her monologue to offer some information about myself, she reacted with unsolicited advice, which I found offputting.

I knew I wouldn't want to hang out again, but still said yes when she asked to follow each other on Instagram (I didn't know how to decline in the moment). A few days later, I got a bunch of notifications. She had liked every single one of my posts and even left a bunch of comments, with one of them sounding like we had an inside joke, that I didn't even really understand. This behaviour felt off to me. I found it weird that she was so uninterested about me in person but then came on so strong in Instagram.

We saw each other again at one of the feminists' events where she repeatedly sought out conversation with me, to the extent that she asked the person next to me to swap seats with her so she could sit next to me, which bothered me because I actually enjoyed talking to that person. She then asked me about my most recent Instagram post: Me at a concert. I shared that I was a huge fan of this artist and really enjoyed their last album. She hadn't listened to it, but wanted to give it a try.

A few days later she messaged me saying the album I liked was "alright", but had I listened to this other album by that artist which actually was amazing? I said no, because that wasn't my taste, and politely said that I assumed our music tastes were quite different. She made another suggestion of someone I should listen to and at this point I thought to myself, can't remember asking you for recs! I just felt like putting something down that another person liked was such a weird opener to a text conversation. Then she shared something about this picnic she was planning for the feminist group and I ended up just not replying to her music rec or the picnic text. She never reached out again.

Was I wrong to just disappear? I thought about being honest about the fact that I didn't think we were a good match, but I thought this might be awkward since we might still see each other at the feminist events. Instead I've been avoiding the feminist events because I feel awkward about ghosting her! We live in the same area so I recently saw her out and about and didn't know how to act.

As a whole I felt like she just wanted any friend, but didn't really care about who I am as a person or the friendship we might build together. That put me off. But now I feel guilty for not being upfront about how I felt. How would you have handled this?

Tldr: I matched with another woman onf Bumble BFF and quickly found us incompatible and her behaviour towards me offputting. Instead of being honest, I just ghosted, despite us living in the same area and having loosely joined a group of acquaintances together.

Every summer my MIL and SILs go on a “girls only trip”. They’re nice people and I’m very flattered that they want to include me, but I’m fairly introverted and most of the activities/conversations are not usually things I’m at all interested in. They also make comments about our lifestyles differences that are (I think) subconscious but hurtful.

My husband is supportive if I decide not to go, but I don’t know how to get out of it without it negatively affecting my relationship with them. It’s important to me that we all get along. I do love them!

They’re happy to plan cheaper or closer trips, but the length of the trip and the activities we do aren’t really negotiable. Suggestions that I might split off to do my own thing for a bit are taken personally.

At this point it would feel like I’ve been disingenuous this whole time if I’m honest and just say that I don’t want to go because I don’t enjoy the activities we do. I also think they would feel very judged.

There are parts of these trips I do enjoy. I try to make the best of them and I’m definitely not miserable the whole time. But in a perfect world with no hurt feelings, I’d probably only go every 2/3 years.

How would you handle this? Just suck it up once a year? Suck it up and be honest? Any tips for surviving this summer’s trip that I’ve already committed to?

This sub always gives such great advice and I appreciate it so much!

This may be a bit odd, but I think I'd just love for an older, wiser woman to tell me that everything will be okay (I'm in my early 30s). I mean, I know that it will be, and it'd be nice to hear it from you too. How did you keep hope / how did things work out for you?

I don't know about anyone else but life hasn't been so easy for me the past few years. My previous life (a few years ago) was probably the happiest I’ve been my entire life. I had friends who felt like family, I had a romantic partner I thought I could build with. But life happened, as it does. Everything changed. And my heart broke. 

I know I’m never getting that life back. As I type that out I feel myself resisting that, yet, I know it’s true. I’m hopeful I can experience that type of electricity again, but it won’t be with those same people. I’m sad about that! I’m sad that these people came into my life and showed me love, and then poof.

I’m not depressed. When I watch puppies play I smile and I genuinely feel joy. When I meet someone I connect with I’m hopeful they could be the next significant person in my life. 

Though I'm not happy either. I've been patiently working on rebuilding the past few years, bit by bit, but life's been relentless. Something big hits me every year, and this year, it was job searching in the 2026 job market, which placed a total embargo on my sense of security. Still searching for a long-term position - feels like I can't catch a break.

There's still a small flame within me and I hope it keeps burning. I have no idea what's going to happen. I used to feel more excitement about that uncertainty, now I feel more fear.

I'd love to hear others' perspectives / stories about getting through a hard season in life.

I started my life over three years ago and I’ve worked my ass have to get from 0 to the promotion I just got. I’m so a proud of myself, I made some financial mistakes but all of it is fixable.

I’m in MA, school is totally free but I’ve been so scared to start. Every time it gets a little hard, I ignore it and I let my work take over my life. Yes, I am diagnosed ADHD, which is a big factor but I’m in therapy which helps a lot.

The industry I’m in is not the one I want to be in forever. TBH nothing ever is but this one, retail banking, is not something I want to be in long term. I’m hoping to pivot back to a creative industry but need to make myself more valuable. I’m very skilled working directly with people, leaning into relationship management and I love solving problems. The company I work for, like many others, prides itself on employees burning themselves out doing to many things. Don’t get me wrong though, this job was exactly what I needed for stability and skill growth.

Basically what I’m trying to figure out is how I can do it all?
What kind of job titles could I research to pivot out of retail banking? (Recently I was promoted to assistant branch manager)
Is strict discipline the real answer to be able to balance work and school?

I genuinely feel so isolated. I have no idea how to date and I feel incredibly behind… I’m convinced that no one would want me because I’m new to “the scene.”

It’s also weird feeling like you have no community at this age. I’m sure it’s because I don’t feel comfortable in my own skin, but idk how to get there at my age.

Ive had multiple friendships follow this cycle:

TDLR:
Clingy and needy friend. I have issue setting boundaries and then I feel horrible when I set boundaries and she freaks out. Friendship now over.

Long version:
Yes I’m aware this is a problem and I’m hoping to NOT get into this mess again.

I’ll describe the most recent one:
Reconnected with friend, she messaged me everyday. I was single at the time and not working much so I had a lot of time to message and found it fun.
Overtime I got a partner and working FT and therefore had less time to message. She continued to send me extremely long voice notes and heaps of messages. Mostly just catching up and sharing about issues with people in life but also for emotional support. I never felt I reciprocated with as many messages.

A few times, I explained I get overwhelmed by that amount of messages. She continued to send that many messages and told me I can take as long as I need to respond. I spaced out my replies. She noted I was distancing.

Despite her being well set up in life, she seemed to always be in a crisis. She has a supportive and committed partner and a well rounded life.
I offered emotional support and she did offer this to me as well but it seemed like she was at constant odds with everyone in her life and believed people were out to get her. I felt like I had to hide the goodness of the people in my life.

She did something recently to direct attention to a crisis she’s having on a day that was meant to celebrate me. She also spent most of that day also on her phone instead of socializing at said event.

During course of our friendship she alienated other friends because of being socially inappropriate. She then expressed to me she was worried these other friends got into my head and would turn me against her. (Not true, I stayed friends with her threw that)
I saw 3 friendships end because of her doing things like extreme oversharing and high volume of opinionated messages.

What’s wrong with me that I put up with this? Multiple people in my life had noted this toxic imbalanced situation and it took getting to a really bad point to end the friendship.

It ended because I explained some things she did that upset me and she sent a laundry list of why she’s basically the most perfect friend and didn’t take any accountability for her actions which hurt me.

I then gently reinforced what upset me and it sent her off into a crying spell and sending long voicenotes.

I’ve always known I don’t want kids, but one fear that has cropped up lately is wondering what my social life will be like as I get older (I’m 33 now for reference) as many of my peers will have kids and become busy with their families and have less time for friends or making new friends.

I‘m curious to hear from those who have experience with this and what it‘s been like.

Edit: This blew up more than I expected! I can't respond to everyone but appreciate all of the contributions. They really helped and gave me a lot of hope, thank you!

How common is it to not to really know one's sexuality yet in 30s or to not have a clearly defined label? (Not that there's any "normal", I should say :) anyone else share similar experiences to the following?

I (f, 34) wasn't really interested in boys in my teens unlike many of my friends, had not great experiences with men in my 20s - mostly just casual hookups but I feel like I never really got close to men romantically. I sort of kept a safe distance from them and would just say or complain to friends that i keep falling for emotionally unavailable men. I did just take heteronormativity for granted, though, even if I couldn't really see myself "settling down" or getting married (until today, in a way)

Now in my 30s I've had my share of flirting with and a few hookups with women (albeit so far no relationship and I don't think I'm fully lesbian). I feel like I vibe more with queerness although I definitely don't fully feel like I fit into that category either, or its more visible communities/cultural codes.

Now im in a relationship with a trans-man for a couple of years and very comfortable (longest relship) - and i think i'm attracted to a certain amount of gender fluidity and/or men in touch with femininity. Sometimes I look back at my life and question the trajectory: was I ever into cis men? I do think I was sexually attracted to them but unconsciously never wanted to pursue a romantic/hetero relship.

I've gotten comfortable just not categorizing things but it's strange in a world where everyone or many ppl eventually find their label or demonstrate some sort of certainty ("I am x, y, z"). I guess for me queerness is precisely this fluid way of being that can change but sometimes I feel like a queer community wouldn't see me as completely "in" either:)

Curious if others have these ambiguous feelings...:)

I used to travel for work a ton in my early 30s and loved it. I got to see my family fairly regularly (I’m in the Midwest, they’re on both coasts).

However, now that I’m 40 and have lived alone for 10 years, work a semi-demanding job and have my routine (which includes two cats and a dog), I hate that being around people exhausts me.

My siblings have families and get annoyed that I don’t come visit anymore.

Family wants me to spend Christmas with them, but they also hate that I spend so much time napping or on walks. I hate visiting and then staring at the wall or reading because they’re not as active as I am when I’m home; my days are usually overly packed as it is with just trying to keep things running smoothly.

My 95 yo grandma was sick of asking when I’d visit her so she flew out for the weekend; 48 hours in, and I’m losing my mind and exhausted. She just asked if she wasted my time being here because I’m on Reddit for the first time since she arrived.

I don’t want to be exhausted, annoyed and overwhelmed. I WANT to be excited to visit my nibblings instead of think about how inconvenient it all is.

How do you get excited to travel and spend time with people when it throws you off of your routine?

I am getting out of a 10 year relationship because of his infidelity. Previously I had a 5 year relationship that ended becaude he was emotionally abusive.

I am in therapy now and learning that I am anxious attacher and attracted avoidants. I am working through it while the divorce is ongoing and will not be dating for a lomg period.

My problem is, my previous two relationships were before the apps came along. Both were my friends who turned into something more. I am not ready to date again( till I deal with my trust issues), but how do I know when I am ready? What makea you feel you are ready to start putting yourself out there.