psychological analysis, a child was sa abuse when he 5 he started getting therapy around 6 for it but still started to exhibited abnormal inappropriate behavior with his brother who was 3 years older than him started teaching him inappropriate acts. He was 8-9 years old when he did something inappropriate to another child who was 5 years younger when he was 8-9 the behavior with other children stopped at 9, but the behavior with his brother continued till 11 or 12 or 13 years old his brother when he was nine or 10 started introducing him to pornography and simulating those acts with him and teaching him different inappropriate acts techniques doing those intimate techniques with him, teaching him. His older brother is three years older than him. He’s carried guilt since then but this ended when he was a child and he feels totally detach of doesn’t recognize himself anymore. He got a settlement for what happened to him when he was five and he wants to give it up and has compared himself to people like Paris Bennett.

In a couple different sessions we have discussed separating work from home. I feel like I struggle a lot with this and was wanting to ask her if we can address it again. Is this something that makes you frustrated as a therapist?

I guess this is both for clients and therapists. White therapists, how do you handle working with clients from different backgrounds? Do you find it more difficult to build trust with BIPOC clients?

And BIPOC clients, do you struggle to be truly open with your White therapist? Do you ever worry about being judged or having your personal experiences ascribed to stereotypes? Do you worry about it reflecting poorly on your background? And thus worry about it affecting how your therapist perceives and treats you?

I hate crying in front of my therapist, probably because I'm somewhat worried about the potential for judgement. I feel so embarrassed, like she's going to think I'm childish or stupid for crying. She hasn't said so so far. She was actually pretty good about reminding me to stop intellectualizing, and when I apologized for crying she said "It's okay."

I still feel embarrassed though :(

For context, I am a 30-ish year old straight male.

Once I get my insurance stuff straightened out, I plan on looking for a therapist. Some of the things I will need to discuss are sexual in nature. **No S.A. or anything along those lines** I feel very uneasy talking about this stuff in general. I do plan on finding someone that I can see in person. I am incredibly embarrassed by some of it and I have finally decided that I need to get help.

I am sorry if this question is not concise.

Question: When looking for a therapist, should I take into consideration someone’s age or whether they are male or female?

I had a crisis over a few days. My spouse left with my kids because of it. She has a roi with my therapist and they were in contact with each other during the crisis as i was also in contact with my therapist. She advised my spouse not to leave but she went against her advice which caused me to decompensate and my therapist was worried all weekend i wouldnt get through the crisis. Because of that she told my spouse no more communication. She said it triggered her and she was too involved with my family.

Now it feels like the relationship might change and feels like she took a step back from me instead of just asking not to communicate with my spouse. Sometimes im so shut down that my spouse would send an update about my weekend or what triggered me and it would help having them know. She would explain to her what was a trauma response and coach her in supporting me. The relationship and roi was just for supporting me. That's gone on for years and when it abruptly was told it had to stop my spouse is feeling helpless too. Im worried my therapist who i trust so much doesnt like my spouse anymore.

Did we do something wrong?

My sessions with my therapist have been feeling stagnant for the last year, and I am ready to move on. I have been seeing them for 7.5 years, and I know it's better to do it in person, but my sessions cost $400 out of pocket.

Can I end the relationship through email?

I only saw the therapist a few times over a year ago, and she was helpful but I couldn’t maintain the appointments. My husband became good friends pretty quickly with her husband a few months ago. I ended up recently seeing the last name on Facebook as it is unique, and I confirmed it was her.

Eventually my husband will want us to have a double date or hang out together, maybe even go to their house. What can I expect or do? What if she knows already? What if she doesn’t and I surprise her at her own house?

What is the right way for her to respond too? Thank you for any help

I have a bit of a problem with my treatment plan, and I'm left to try to figure this out mostly by myself. I'm dealing with OCD and bad trauma. Years ago, I did a lot of trauma-based therapy where my OCD was never mentioned. It led to doing DBT twice, which I only found a little helpful.

Years go by, and I'm still dealing with trauma, but my OCD keeps consuming my life. I then start seeing a therapist who specializes in OCD but is aware of my trauma background. However, after about five months of making little progress, she is telling me, more or less, that she is struggling to treat the OCD since my trauma keeps popping up. She does not specialize in trauma. She thinks I need to get in a better place with my trauma so we can focus on OCD.

However, my trauma and OCD are connected. I obsessively ruminate about things basically rooted in trauma. So, I reach out to a trauma specialist despite the fact that I've done it for years, having changed back to an OCD focus to try alternative help, and I'm being told no one in that office specializes in both OCD and trauma. I did research in my area, and no one does both that I'm seeing. Is it that rare?

I plan on seeing the trauma based therapist because my currently therapist recommending it, despite the new therapist hesitant over my OCD. I asked my current therapist if I could get some 3rd party advice on what to focus on and who I could see, professional guidance in a treatment plan, like a case manager, but I guess that doesn't exist? I feel so lost.

I know I could see two therapists, but that is so much time and money. I'm about ready to give up on getting help since I can't seem to find a good treatment plan. My therapist agrees it is difficult and doesn't have a sound answer for me on what would be best. She is willing to keep working with me, but I feel like therapists keep hitting brick walls with me.

I'm frustrated since OCD and trauma are common issues, but I feel like I'm walking around with a third head when I'm trying to ask for help and guidance. I'm tired of being passed around the system when I just want more peace in my mind and life.

By the way, I'm really firm about wanting in person sessions. I'm not interested in online.

So I’m very curious as to how an ED specialist can help someone if the person does not wish to change their diet/dietary needs?

For context; my primary therapist does not specialize in ED and is suggesting I see someone who does (along with still seeing her).

The issue is, I don’t believe I need this and also don’t want to change my diet at this time. So I’m wondering, is there even a point in seeking out an ED specialist ?

My first therapist, whom I don’t have very good memories of, told me to spend two weeks writing a journal about the life I wished I had, rather than my actual life. However, it made me feel even more depressed.
My second therapist, on the other hand, suggested writing honestly about my feelings, how I was doing, and what made me feel sad or happy.
Does journaling actually help? I’m curious about your experiences and opinions.

Thank you all for your input earlier.

https://www.reddit.com/r/askatherapist/comments/1wwenfz/what_are_the_general_disclosure_rules_in_the_us/

It was very helpful. She didn't have to disclose, and we discussed it.

The difference in our relationship is night and day from when I first saw her almost three years ago. It hasn't been straight through; the VA does this weird and harmful 12 sessions at a time and take a break thing. Between her and ketamine sessions, I have gone from being very closed off to being far more open, and we have gone to good places. Which is great; I have been going to therapy off and on for 30 years and never realized it could be so helpful.

Anyway, after we talked about what the other VA employee did to me, she said, "I wish I could hug you". I certainly wasn't fishing for a hug, but it got me thinking that she has never really touched me at all. Which is fine, but it is an odd thing to say if it is not allowed. She knows I have been alone for the better part of the past 25 years.

This isn't really that important of a question, just more of the nuts and bolts of therapy ethics. I understand that therapists and clients shouldn't touch on a regular basis. That makes sense, but is it completely off limits?

I’ve been seeing my therapist for 4 years now. She’s the first therapist I found, so I stuck with her because I liked her.

She’s an old school Freudian psychologist type and actually moved to my country in the past few years. I have no idea if this is standard across the board. I just believe her comments were a little off hand and at this point I’m questioning how ethical. I’m not sure, honestly.

I’ve been dealing with migraines for 3 years and chronic pain and suspected Dysautonomia for the past year. We’ve been unpacking my trauma and how maybe this is having a psychosomatic effect on me. I’m not sure. She’s not sure. Doctors aren’t sure.

This has caused a lot of stress in my life for obvious reasons as well as created distance between my husband and I. She knows this, she never explicitly asked about intimacy between us, but has mentioned several times that our lack of is driving a further wedge. I agreed at one point, but I’m thinking it’s actually something else causing it very little to do with intimacy.

Yesterday we unpacked some of my attachment issues (I have PTSD, some would consider CPTSD, MDD and GAD. My PTSD stems in part from SA) which I agree I have and tried helping me relate this to my husband. I see correlation, but I express I cannot make myself attracted to him in that way. I struggle with lots of pain and discomfort, he doesn’t understand it fully or how to treat me and touch me, he feels rejected.

She told me in her country there’s a saying when it comes to bitter, moody, women. That “They need a good ****.”

I was appalled. I’ve never heard her talk like this before.

She says it’s crude but true. We need intimacy to form an attachment, explore each others fantasies and whatever.

I express to her I hate the feeling, it makes me uncomfortable, it feels foreign, and I’d rather do anything else.

She tells me I need to find a way. That therapy will not help me if I’m not willing to put in the work. That people read books upon books which she has many of. If they don’t implement change nothing will help me.

She abruptly stopped our session as time was up and quickly ushered me out. Not nearly as warm as she normally is.

The whole thing left me feeling weird and uncomfortable. I have no idea how to make myself do something I find not just unpleasant but painful. I have no idea how this could help me/us in the long run. I would love to repair my relationship but frankly my health comes first.

I left this interaction wondering if I should not only stop therapy with her but stop it altogether. We discussed previous to this how much I hate changing providers due to not liking change. I would genuinely rather navigate this alone than hear that I need to force myself into intimacy and ignore my body to please someone.

I wish I was making it up, but these are all things she said. Verbatim.

Wondering if what she said was standard or at this point, even ethical. I read it back and realize how unnerving this all was and I’m a little flustered.

Any input would be appreciated. Therapy was really helping me but now I’m not so sure.

I have been diagnosed with (complex) PTSD but going to group therapy for this made me feel like there is more wrong with me, as the other patients seemed less messed up than me. They had motivation for life and goals they wanted to achieve, while that seems completely absent from me. So can other diagnoses be made despite the severe trauma?

I've been in therapy for about 8 years now and I have switched therapists 7 times so far. When looking for a new therapist I always made sure to ask if they were comfortable with violent themes - all of the ones I went for confidently said yes! And yet...

I genuinely don't think I'm some kind of outlier, I assumed that most therapists would be comfortable discussing issues similar to mine. I'm socially competent and always tried to approach my own issues in an understandable and constructive manner.

I'm perfectly aware that my issues are strange, but I thought that's what therapy sessions were for, talking about my mental health problems...?

There was a common thread between all of my 7 therapists, whenever I talked about things that happened to me- or things that I have done in my childhood, they just hit me with some variety of: "oh wow that's interesting". And then silence.

Whenever I tried to talk about what bothers me in my daily life, they start fidgeting and switching the conversation to the weather.

I don't know what I'm doing wrong. When I answer their questions they make a surprised face and stay silent. When I try to talk more actively myself they also make a surprised face and stay silent.

Why has this happened so often?

Two of my therapists told me outright that we were not a good fit and that I'm "a little outside their comfort zone" - how this range is defined, I do not know, but I'm glad they told me instead of staying silent for all sessions and pulling funny faces.

I do genuinely feel like I need some kind of therapy, but I'm hesitating to resume it, because it feels like I'm wasting time and making other people's lives actively worse.

These therapists could be out there helping someone with issues that are easier to understand and easier to work on...

I would love to hear any insight from therapists, has any patient made you uncomfortable before?

If it makes a difference: I have never tried to be my therapist's "buddy" as in, I mostly talked myself and answered questions, and have not asked them any personal questions in return - maybe that is seen as rude?

Hello, I'm (28 F) trying to find out if I have adhd (maybe autism too) or not. The practitioner is a psychologist of what should be a good institution. She specializes in ADHD and autism diagnosis. Are these things that she said normal or correct?

1.I told her that I'm very smart to let her know that I'm not having issues with studying because of my intelligence. She then said :" I'm smart too, what do you think?" mockingly and asked me how I know that I am smart. Half an hour later she brought this up again. I was saying :"In mechanical engineering uni there are a lot of smart people and I..." And she completed my answer by saying: "You were smarter than all of them" again with an annoyed tone and I said no, that the fact that i explained subjects to others was one of the easiest ways to tell her why I think I'm smart.

I don't see an explanation for why she mocked me, unless she wanted to see if I overreacted after what she said? Maybe she was checking impulsivity?

2.The main issue that she noticed is my constant search for control and some guilt. I want to know what to do and what is the best way to do it and never make mistakes.

She said that ADHD and search of control are opposites. Is this true? Supposing that one has ADHD and doing things is hard for them and they feel terrible when things go wrong, isn't one of the possible responses to try and find ways to control my actions through overthinking?

3.She asked how many courses I passed this year. I told her 3 / 6. One of these was a subject I already took in undergraduate and two of these were the easiest elective I could find and I took them just to get enough ECTS to keep the scholarship. And she said :" so you are able to study then. " And I was like what the fuck does that mean. I am much smarter than average and I passed only half the ECTS with easy courses to keep the scholarship by studying in the last five days or so for each one. I don't believe this should be a sign that I'm capable of doing things normally. It felt like when my brother asks me to do my bed since I haven't done it in a week and after I do it he tells me "was it so difficult?"

1. She told me that if I want meds I can even go to an accountant since nowadays anyone prescribes them and that she is not confident with my diagnosis and that she wants to see me again to understand more(completely fair).

Are these things normal?

My family believes that I'm just lazy and because I'm the "smart one" of the family they don't take me seriously for saying that I might have ADHD . I'm okay with finding out I don't have ADHD or anything else but I want to be sure that what she said is normal enough to trust her evaluation because this process took 7 months and a lot of money.

Obviously I am writing only the "bad things"that I noticed from the sessions. The rest seemed fairly normal.

Thank you .

TL;DR: I'm autistic and have repeatedly tried to make friends without developing the meaningful connections I need. Generic reassurance and advice like "put yourself out there" haven't helped. I'm looking for practical, potentially hands-on therapeutic support with building individual friendships in ways that accommodate my communication style and limitations. What can a therapist realistically help me with, and what might that look like in practice?

I'm looking for some perspective, particularly from therapists, about what therapy can realistically offer someone in my situation. I'm also writing this with a future therapist in mind, because I want to be able to communicate what I've been struggling with and work on it concretely rather than having to reconstruct everything from scratch.

I'm tired of being told that I deserve friendship or that I'll eventually find my people. I understand the sentiment, but after trying repeatedly to make friends without getting the connections I need, reassurance alone doesn't help me understand what might actually change.

I'm autistic, I struggle with small talk and initiating interactions, and waiting for others to approach me often feels like the safest option. I want deep, emotionally meaningful friendships with people who can accommodate my communication style and meet me halfway.

My main question is: What can a therapist realistically do to help me build meaningful friendships, given these difficulties?

I'm not necessarily asking to become more socially capable in the conventional sense. I'm looking for a realistic path toward connection that accounts for how I actually function.

For example, I may need help with the practical steps involved in developing individual friendships: moving beyond an initial interaction, maintaining contact, navigating uncertainty as a relationship develops, and figuring out what to do when an approach isn't working.

I may understand what I'm supposed to do in theory, but that doesn't mean I know how to navigate it in practice. Advice to initiate conversations, put myself out there, or join activities doesn't address the parts I struggle with most. I may need someone to break things down into manageable steps, help me work through specific situations, and provide guidance as I put those steps into practice.

I'm wondering whether this kind of practical, step-by-step support is something a therapist can provide, and what it might look like.

Group settings aren't a realistic option for me, so I need approaches that don't depend on joining groups or attending social activities I can't comfortably participate in. I'm looking for ways to develop individual connections that work with my communication style, autistic needs, and existing strengths.

Another difficulty is that I don't currently have an in-person support system to help me navigate this process. I can't rely on a friend to help me build friendships when I don't have that kind of friend in the first place.

I don't expect a therapist to guarantee that I'll find close friends or to predict the future. I understand that some aspects of friendship are outside my control, because relationships depend on other people, too. However, I do want help distinguishing what's realistically changeable from what's outside my control, identifying approaches that might work better for me, and adapting those approaches when they don't work.

I'm discouraged and exhausted because I've tried repeatedly without getting the results I'm looking for, not because I haven't wanted connection or been willing to try.

I'd appreciate therapists' perspectives on a few questions:

What can therapy realistically help with in a situation like mine?

Can therapy include practical, step-by-step guidance with developing and maintaining individual friendships, rather than just general social advice?

How might a therapist adapt their approach for an autistic client who struggles with initiating interactions and can't comfortably participate in group settings?

If a client needs support implementing strategies in real-life situations, what kinds of support can a therapist offer, and what would fall outside their role?

How can therapy help someone build a support system when they don't already have friends or other people to lean on?

I'm not asking for a guarantee of a happy ending. I want to understand what options are realistically available, what a therapist might be able to help me work toward, and how to approach this in a way that respects my limitations rather than expecting me to force myself into methods that don't work for me.

Thank you for reading.

I'm a type 1 diabetic, diagnosed 23 years ago at 8 years old, and I recently got sensors to help me control my levels better. Unfortunately this means I'm being woken up by a low alarm every other night. Usually I just treat the low and accept that I'm losing sleep but sometimes I just cannot be bothered. The thought of not waking up because I died in my sleep from low sugar doesn't seem too bad so I silence my alarm and go back to sleep. Obviously this hasn't killed me yet, but I am aware that dead in bed syndrome is a real risk. I've never considered myself actively suicidal. I've definitely had moments of wishing I wasn't alive but I've never seriously considering doing anything.

I recently started seeing a psychologist and want to bring this up but always end up finishing my sessions without having mentioned it. I've only done 7 sessions so far and am still trying to get comfortable with the whole process and this feels like a lot to say out loud. I have written things down so I can show her my notes if I feel I won't be able to say it, but even showing her that fills me with anxiety. I was hoping to get some insight into how this information would be taken and how she might approach it. I think knowing what I could be going into would help me be able to face it. I guess I don't know if ignoring my low sugar levels counts as being actively suicidal and if she's going to think this is a lot more serious than I consider it to be. Any insights would be greatly appreciated.

I’m a 40 year old woman. I’ve been married, divorced, changed careers, and have fully reached burnout. I need therapy and I know this. I think I’m aware of what my issues are and where they stem from but lack coping skills. However, I really struggle to get motivated if change requires more time than a couple of weeks.

Maybe it’s because I’m ADHD (treated since childhood). Regardless, the process of meeting a personal goal that takes a lot of time to achieve is daunting for me.

So, how do I fix my struggle with long-term goals when therapy is a long-term goal?

What type of person do you like to work with the most?

I'm on my third insurance with my T. Mostly due to my husband retiring. Having to get private coverage out of pocket. Then turning 65 and going on Medicare. With my other two plans, I always (and happily) had a co-pay. Now, I do not. Does that mean my T is making even less money? I feel kind of guilty about it.

A number of years ago, I was seeing a couple's therapist with my then-husband. He and I were together 14 years, and I had known him for about 23 years, since I was 17, so it was a very long-term relationship.

Long story short, his mistress of many years, with whom he had been living a double life and even bought a house in another state, reached out to me to tell me all about my husband's actions. That day, soon after learning a lot of devastating, life-changing info from his mistress, I reached out to the couple's therapist we were actively seeing at the time to tell her what had happened and request a last-minute appointment. I didn't want to talk with my husband unless someone else, ideally our therapist, was present. He got there first, and she took him in and spoke with him for a bit before allowing me in. When she allowed me in, she had very obviously been told lies by him and she told me I shouldn't believe the mistress. I told her that my husband is the one who had been lying to both of us (me and his mistress), which she didn't say anything to. I told him that I would be seeking divorce while we were in the therapist's office and then had a panic attack. Once I recovered from the panic attack, she ushered me out of the office and my ex stayed because apparently they needed to talk more?

Anyway, that part isn't truly relevant to my question. I'm getting in the weeds because it's a deeply emotional topic.

More relevant is this: I wasn't seeing any other therapist at the time, which she knew. I didn't want to have to go through my whole story with someone new, and I felt like the fit was good with her, so I asked her if she would continue to see me as a solo client. She told me she'd get back to me and then told me she didn't think it would be wise for her to do that. And that was it. She didn't refer me to anyone, and she didn't give me a reason (though, I'm guessing the possibility that she might be called to testify in a court proceeding might have been a factor maybe?). The ex put me through a lot of hell that she knew about. And she knew my life had just changed in a really big way. It felt really, really fucking shitty. I definitely felt abandoned in many ways.

So my question is this: Did she have a professional obligation to do more, to at least refer me to someone? Or does being a couple's therapist mean she's totally off the hook in the context of abandonment?

I've wondered this for many years and would just appreciate the insight. Thanks.

I've been going to my psychologist every 2-3 weeks for like 6 months now, and I'm just not sure if I'm making progress. Every session I feel like we can talk about a lot of stuff and there's always something missing. Im not always sure what my conclusions of the session should be and what I should do. I've been dealing for example with anxiety showing itself as a deep pressure in my lung and short of breath (not hyperventilating but I need to take deep breaths to make it go away) and I just can't tell what to do with that and/or what triggers it. I asked her directly and she couldn't really give me a real answer. I feel lost.

One thing I'm low key worried about as I work towards my masters in MHC is crying lol

I am an empathy crier. Sometimes I cry just because someone else is. I think this is something I can generally stop if it's inappropriate; but there are certain triggers for me (specifically grief and dog loss) that I'm worried might make me start crying if a patient is talking about / crying about said subject.

Never thought about this until now!

Recently shared something with my T that I have never told a single soul about for over 30 years that included childhood abuse and revictimization in my teens. I ended up having a panic attack after she tried to explore it with me. She then stated that she wanted me to learn coping skills before unpacking it all. That was about 3 or 4 sessions ago. And all I've been taught is containment skill for racing thoughts, typical deep breathing, and to distract myself.

Today I went to session with a paper of my written feelings. I tell her I feel flooded with feelings that Ive never felt before following the disclosure, and I felt like I was grieving my childhood. She asked what I felt I needed and I told her to talk about them. All she said to that was asking me if I tried the coping skills and again she told me I should distract myself with exercise to help clear my mind.

I just feel so dismissed. I have a hard time sharing feelings and emotions and I feel I finally was able to share what I needed and got rejected. What's even the point then?

How can I talk to her about this? I don't even know where to begin.