First of all, thank you to everyone who commented on my original post. I honestly didn't expect so many responses, and reading them helped me realize that wanting to attend my own brother's wedding as a guest wasn't selfish.

A few days ago, I decided to have a private conversation with Jordan without Brooke or our parents involved.

I told him I loved him, that I was genuinely excited about his wedding, and that I still wanted to help. But I also explained something I don't think he'd really considered: if I agreed to coordinate everything, I'd spend his entire wedding worrying about vendors, schedules, and problems instead of actually being there for him.

I asked him one question: "When you look back at your wedding pictures in ten years, would you rather see me standing beside you or know I was somewhere in the back dealing with the caterer?"

He got quiet.

At first, he said Brooke was already stressed about the budget and that they were just trying to make everything work. I told him I understood, which is why I'd offered to help with setup, prepare the vendor spreadsheet, and even contribute $100 toward hiring someone.

But I also told him that I couldn't be responsible for everything from 7 AM until midnight.

What hurt me most was having to explain why I wanted to actually watch my brother get married.

Jordan eventually admitted he hadn't really thought about how much of the wedding I'd miss. He said Brooke had described it as mostly making sure people were in the right places, and he hadn't realized I'd essentially be working the entire day.

He apologized for putting me in that position.

Unfortunately, Brooke wasn't as understanding.

When Jordan told her I wouldn't be coordinating the wedding, she apparently said she was disappointed that I couldn't make this one sacrifice for family.

I'm not going to pretend that didn't hurt.

I've spent weeks trying to find ways to help them without sacrificing my own experience of the wedding, and somehow I still ended up feeling like I wasn't doing enough.

But this time, Jordan actually defended me.

He told her that I was his brother, not an employee, and that he wanted me sitting with our family during the ceremony.

That meant more to me than he probably realizes.

The good news is that they've decided to hire a coordinator for a smaller package. They're adjusting a few other expenses to make it work.

I'm still helping with the vendor spreadsheet and some setup, and I'm happy to do that.

My mom still thinks the whole situation could have been avoided if I'd just agreed to help, but my dad told me he was glad I stood up for myself.

I'm relieved things are mostly resolved, although I won't lie, Brooke's reaction has made things a little awkward between us.

I never wanted to create problems for their wedding. I just didn't want to look back years from now and realize I missed one of the most important moments of my brother's life because I was too afraid to say no.

TL;DR: I spoke privately with my brother and explained how much of his wedding I'd miss if I became the unpaid coordinator. He apologized and defended me when his fiancée complained. They've decided to hire someone, and I'll still help with smaller tasks while attending the wedding as his brother.

I wanted to give everyone an update because things have gotten a little more complicated.

After reading the comments, I decided to reach out to Danielle one last time. I genuinely didn't want to lose a friendship over a dress.

I explained that I wasn't trying to disrespect her wedding or ruin her pictures. I reminded her that I'd bought the peach dress after she personally approved it, and that I'd already spent $260 on the hotel, plus my flight and her wedding gift.

I even told her I'd be happy to borrow something in sage or dusty blue if I could find it.

Unfortunately, her response really hurt me.

She said she appreciated me trying, but that she was disappointed I was making such a big deal out of spending a little extra money for her special day.

That honestly made me feel terrible.

I'm not struggling because I don't care about her. I'm struggling because I have bills to pay, and another $120 isn't a small amount of money to me.

What upset me most was realizing that I'd spent so much time worrying about hurting her feelings that I hadn't really considered my own.

I finally told her that I love her and genuinely want her wedding to be beautiful, but I can't justify buying another dress at the last minute.

I said I'd completely understand if she'd rather I didn't attend.

She hasn't responded yet.

I'm honestly heartbroken because I was looking forward to celebrating with someone who used to be such an important part of my life.

I never imagined that a dress she originally approved would make me question whether I'm even welcome at her wedding.

For now, I'm not buying another dress. If that means I can't attend, I'll have to accept it.

Thank you to everyone who reminded me that having financial boundaries doesn't mean I don't care about my friend.

tl;dr: I tried talking to the bride again and even offered to borrow a dress in the new colors. She still thinks I'm making a big deal over $120. I explained my financial situation and told her I'd understand if she didn't want me there. She hasn't responded, and I'm honestly hurt.

First of all, thank you to everyone who commented on my original post. I honestly didn't expect so many people to have opinions about my hair, but reading your responses made me realize I wasn't being unreasonable for wanting to keep my natural color.

Unfortunately, things have gotten a little worse since then.

A few days after my post, my sister called me and asked if I'd reconsidered. I told her I hadn't, but that I was still willing to do literally everything else she wanted. I'd wear my hair up, change the hairstyle, or even step out of certain pictures if that would make her feel better.

She told me I was missing the point. Apparently, she had already discussed it with our mom, and they both thought I should make this one sacrifice because it was her wedding.

That really hurt.

I've spent years learning to love my red hair after being teased about it growing up. My sister knows that better than anyone because she was there when it happened.

I tried explaining that to her again, but she said, "It's just hair. It'll grow back."

I reminded her that my natural color isn't something I can simply get back by washing it a few times.

Then she said something I genuinely wasn't expecting.

She told me that if I couldn't put her happiness before my appearance for one day, maybe I shouldn't be a bridesmaid at all.

I didn't argue. I just told her that if she genuinely felt that way, I'd respect her decision.

Yesterday, she officially removed me from the bridal party.

What makes this especially painful is that she didn't even tell me directly. I found out when another bridesmaid messaged me asking why I'd been removed from their group chat.

When I called my sister, she said she didn't want any more drama and that she needed people around her who would support her vision.

I cried after that conversation. Not because I desperately wanted to be a bridesmaid, but because I never imagined something as simple as my natural hair color could make my own sister decide I wasn't worth having beside her.

Our mom thinks I should apologize and offer to wear a wig so we can move past this. My dad, surprisingly, told me I shouldn't have to change something about myself just to prove I love my sister.

For now, I'm still invited to the wedding as a regular guest.

I haven't decided whether I'm going.

I love my sister, and I know weddings can be stressful. I don't want to ruin her day or make this into some huge family argument.

But I also can't shake the feeling that she was willing to exclude me over something I've spent my whole life trying to feel confident about.

I never wanted to stand out in her wedding pictures.

I just wanted to stand beside my sister.

TL;DR: My sister gave me another chance to dye my natural red hair brown for her wedding. I refused but offered several compromises. She removed me from the bridal party without telling me directly, and now our mom wants me to apologize. I'm still invited as a guest, but I'm not sure I want to attend anymore.

Orginal post:

https://www.reddit.com/r/amiwrong/s/oGAy3fj8Eu

After sleeping (more like lack of) on the topic and a conversation between my fiancée and I. We have decided to keep our date as it and book our venue for the date we originally choose. I will be uninviting them from our catering taste testing (might be controversial) because we would like to keep drama and the opportunity for comments to be made at a minimum. The less they know about the contents of our day the better at this point. Question now being how to go about wedding shower for SIL and MIL?

I recently just got married and am rethinking my relationship with a family member because of it. Her wedding is a few weeks after mine (so coming up) and I'm rethinking if I should even go. Basically, throughout my whole engagement, she was telling me why I shouldn't have my wedding and why I shouldn't even be engaged at this time. For reference, I'm younger than her by a few years and I don't think she ever expected me to be married first. She never once congratulated me or said she's happy for me. We had talked about her being my maid of honor in the past (daydreaming as people do), but when the time came she told me that she thought I wanted her to be my maid of honor just because I had no one else to ask. I figured we would move past everything once she got engaged (1 month after me) but instead she started trying to plan OVER my wedding. Anytime we talked, it would be about her wedding and how mine can be "planned for later". Once my wedding date was announced, she called me to ask why I had planned a date that was before hers and even tried to tell me that not everyone would come to mine because they wouldn't want to travel twice so close in time (referring to her wedding date). Which was never an outright statement, but it felt like a very passive aggressive question.

She never RSVP'd either, which our wedding was small and an RSVP was more of an unnecessary but formal response. When I texted her asking for a response or a text confirmation, she would say, "Josh (fake name) and I will be there Saturday. She showed up to my wedding not dressed (she changed at the venue) and without her fiancé. It was like she indirectly was aiming that she did not want to be there and it was an inconvenience to their schedule. During the reception, I received a side hug and an, "I hope today is great for you". She then left with no goodbye.

We've always been close up until this whole situation so I'm wondering if I should just go to the ceremony for family's sake and then let it go. Or should I just not go at all?

This happened a couple of years ago at this point, but drama has arisen and I need some unbiased opinions.

I (26F) have been with my husband (25M) for 8 years. We got engaged in February of 2024.

One of my friends from college (26F) has been with her husband (27M) for about 4 years. They got engaged in October of 2023.

They set their wedding date for the end of April in 2025. My fiancé (at the time) and I were thinking of doing more of an elopement in the fall of 2024, so way before my friend’s wedding date.

We then decided that we wanted to have more of an actual wedding to celebrate with our families, and we were looking for dates at our dream venue. The venue had peak wedding season from May-October, meaning that the venue fees were roughly $3k more during those months. My fiancé and I said f*ck that, so we were thinking of getting married in early April (we could have done March, but that month is mega rainy season where our venue was, so we didn’t want to chance it).

My maid of honor, my other friend getting married, and I were all good friends in college, so my maid of honor knew the ins and outs of our wedding planning. She told me that I was being selfish and it would be totally out of the question to have my wedding in early April, 3.5 weeks before our friend’s, that she should have the entire month for herself (my maid of honor turned out to be absolutely batsh*t crazy, but that’s a story for another day). I took it upon myself to have a one on one conversation with my friend, and asked her myself if she would be okay if I set my wedding date for early April. She said it was fine, but that she would be disappointed that she wouldn’t be able to come to my wedding, and I told her I totally understood.

For context, we live & had our weddings on opposite sides of the country. No wedding guests, besides my maid of honor, crossed over between the two weddings.

My friend got married, and I got married, and we don’t talk much, which isn’t too different from our relationship before the drama. But recently she reached out to me to say that she was really hurt by everything that transpired last year, and now I feel terrible. Trying to reconcile things with her, but AITA for setting my wedding date 3.5 weeks before hers?

Edit: So my maid of honor and I had a huge falling out before my wedding, and her and my friend that got married are still friends. I’ve suspected this whole time that my MOH has been spreading rumors about what actually happened between us. I can guarantee you that she was the problem, and not me, but I can provide more context if needed. Maybe that’s why my friend is still upset about this now? I’m really not sure

I didn't expect my original post to get so many different opinions, but I wanted to share what happened.

After reading the comments, I decided to have another conversation with my coworker. I explained that I genuinely wanted her at my wedding and that excluding her husband was never meant to disrespect their marriage.

She told me she understood the budget issue but still felt uncomfortable attending a wedding without her husband.

I told her I respected that decision and wouldn't pressure her to come.

Unfortunately, things got a little awkward at work afterward. One of our coworkers told me I should have just made an exception to avoid hurting her feelings.

That honestly upset me because I've tried so hard to make everyone feel included while planning a wedding we can actually afford.

The good news is that my coworker and I eventually talked again, and she said she doesn't want this to affect our friendship at work. She still won't attend, but we're on good terms.

I'm relieved, although a little sad that something meant to be a happy occasion became so complicated.

I still believe everyone should be allowed to decide who attends their wedding, just as guests should be allowed to decline an invitation.

Thank you to everyone who shared their perspective. Even the comments disagreeing with me helped me understand why she felt hurt.

tl;dr: I talked to my coworker again. She decided not to attend without her husband, but we agreed not to let it affect our relationship at work. I'm relieved, but still a little sad about how things turned out.

I’m getting married in less than a week, and what should have been one of the happiest times of my life has turned into family drama.
For context, my dad is the eldest of his siblings and has always been the one expected to compromise and keep the peace.
A while ago, my dad and his younger brother (my uncle) had a falling out over a cat. My dad had explicitly said no to my uncle taking it, but my uncle took it anyway.
Later, another uncle spoke to him, and my uncle apparently admitted that he hadn’t asked for permission and had just taken it. That same relative told me about this conversation in person.
Fast forward to my wedding.
I’ve always dreamed of having my entire extended family together, celebrating and having fun. Despite the disagreement, my parents wanted to make peace so everyone could attend.
We went to my uncle’s house to sort things out. He didn’t even come out to speak to us, saying he had a meeting. Instead, my aunt spoke on his behalf.
She claimed my uncle had asked my dad three times before taking the cat, which directly contradicted what he’d reportedly admitted to our other uncle.
Then she started accusing my parents of constantly taunting her and her husband whenever they visit our house.
This genuinely shocked me.
My parents have always welcomed them into our home. When my aunt was having serious marital problems and separated from her husband, she came to our house for support. My parents comforted her, and my dad even reassured her parents that we’d look after her.
When my aunt was out of town, my parents helped take care of their children, feeding them and dropping them off at school, even though my uncle was still in town.
I’m not saying this means they owe us anything. But hearing my aunt claim that my parents constantly mistreat them was incredibly hurtful, especially when I’ve personally witnessed the opposite.
Throughout the conversation, my parents kept trying to calm things down, while my aunt kept bringing up more grievances. My dad even ended up apologizing to keep the peace.
At one point, I finally asked, “Whatever fight you have is with my parents. This is MY wedding. What have I done to either of you?”
She didn’t respond.
What really pushed me over the edge was when they said, “We didn’t ask you to come here. You can message us, and if we feel it’s good enough, we’ll think about attending.”
I got angry and told them that the invitation was open, but if they didn’t want to attend, they needed to let us know because we had to finalize our RSVPs and catering headcount.
I wasn’t trying to force them to attend. I just wanted a clear answer instead of having my family repeatedly ask them to come.
Now I genuinely don’t even feel like having them at my wedding anymore. I feel like they’ve disrespected my parents, refused to have an honest conversation, and turned my wedding into another family argument.
At the same time, I know I got angry, and perhaps I should have handled it more calmly.
So, AITA for getting upset and demanding a clear RSVP from my aunt and uncle instead of continuing to persuade them to attend?

Six years of DJing weddings and this is a first for me. My contract is clear. This one was 6pm to 11pm, and overtime is $200 an hour, approved by the couple in writing or in person that night.

At 10:40 the groom's dad, Ray, came up to my booth. He said everyone was having too much fun and I should "keep it going till midnight." I told him I'd be glad to, and that overtime would need a quick yes from the bride or groom.

He said I was already set up, so it shouldn't cost anything extra. I explained that the hour is my time and that I have a two-hour teardown after this. I even said I'd do it for $150 since it was a great crowd.

He told me not to bother the couple because they were on the dance floor. So I didn't. At 11 I played the last song the bride had picked, thanked everyone, and started packing up.

Two days later the bride emailed asking why I "walked out early." Ray had told the whole family I refused to stay. I sent her the contract and a short explanation, very polite.

Now Ray left a one-star review that says I'm "all about money." Should I have just stayed for free?

TL;DR: The groom's dad wanted me to DJ an extra hour for free. I offered a discount if the couple approved, he refused to ask them, so I ended on time. Now he's telling everyone I walked out.

We all flew to a family wedding. Prior to this my brother in another country was saying that my dad would be manipulative and use him as a free Uber driver.

I said “don’t be too harsh yet. You don’t know his plans.”

Well, I arrived before my father and his wife and I hired a rental car. I drive them around to different venues for 4 days. The wedding was 30 minutes drive away from our Airbnb.

They have three houses between them, 2 mortgage free and half $1 million in investments . I know this because he showed me.

They did not offer to pay anything towards the rental car

I’ve decided not to reach out to my father. There’s been so many other different times he has let me down and I just can’t trust him on many different levels.

AITA for this? I know they chose not to hire a rental car but they didn’t take Ubers anywhere.

They just basically took advantage of my kindness from my perspective.

I know it’s on me for not asking for anything, but I didn’t feel comfortable asking and they know full well that it would have been expensive

The wedding was three weeks ago now and I haven’t messaged or called him and I know him well .
He probably hasn’t even noticed yet.

Eventually, he may notice that I’m not calling him. His wife thinks he’s on the autism spectrum.

(My brother and his fiancé hired their own car and didn’t drive my father anywhere, but I did, to take the pressure off my brother who was father of the bride )

My fiance and I are stuck between inviting a friend of mine to our wedding. On paper, he should absolutely be invited. I've known him for 15+ years (since college), was his roommate at one point, and met up with him on an international trip within the last year. We are having a pretty large wedding and are inviting people that are not as good of friends.

However, I am trying to distance myself from this friendship. He is selfish and has explosive anger issues that give me serious anxiety, and honestly is just not a great person.

Additionally, his ex will be at our wedding, and they did not end on good terms. His presence will make her extremely uncomfortable and will create unnecessary anxiety for us about potential drama between them on what should be the happiest day of our lives. We are worried about his behavior much more than hers, especially with an open bar and party atmosphere. He has a history of getting too fucked up and getting angry or depressed. He also has a very "big" personality and tends to make his presence known.

We have overlapping friend groups and I will definitely be crossing paths with him in the future. I also think certain friends will judge me or side with him. I think by not inviting him, I am definitely an asshole. But is it worth being an asshole to make sure my wedding goes smoothly? Or should I just invite him to eliminate any drama between us since we have shared friends and I will be seeing him at other events in the future?

If I don't invite him I would have a conversation with him, I wouldnt just let him find out through other friends

Throwaway because family knows my main.
Getting married soon and honestly I'm dreading having my parents there. My dad has made racist comments about my fiancée’s family and called “people that believe the stuff that they believe in” not intelligent…. Although we live for 2,5 yrs in their proximity! He said my political views became weird when I switched girlfriends (mind you, there were 1,5 years in between?) .

When we got engaged, my mom's question during our phone call after the in-person announcement question was whether we were doing it for tax reasons or because of my fiancées grandma's (they are 80+ and we really wanted them to come with us). At some point they decided I'd joined a "cult" and secretly invited a friend of mine over to basically interrogate him about me, he told me about it, so was loyal. My mum blocked him…
Then we posted the invite in the extended family group chat. Total silence from them for a week. Then my mom messages me like "thanks a lot for the AI generated invite for EVERYONE, great invitation for the parents."

The invite btw was not ai generated, my fiancée and I did it on Canva and it being their first reaction is so telling…. Now they want to talk on the phone. My sister who has recently hung up on (and no one said anything about it) did not even react to the invite….

At least my brother called to say that he won’t come… what I find weird is that when I threatened not to come to his wedding (where he did not invite my gf (my now fiancée) since he hadn’t met her up until that time), my entire family was trying toxconvince me otherwise. Now he just says, I don’t feel well about it and everyone accepts it (but my brother is such an ass, I am glad he is not there)…

Deep down, I know having my parents there will hurt MY family with my fiancée and might damage her trust in me (my sister did not react anyway, but I also would not want her to come..)

So how do I go about this? Just tell them they are uninvited? Rethink and sleep about it?

The rest of the family (cousins aunts etc) will come… do I shoot them a message after uninviting to clear the air? And do I go Nc with my parents?
Has anyone actually done this? Did you regret it? Did things ever get better with your parents afterwards?

Hi I’m kind of in a pickle right now and don’t know when to plan my wedding due to some conflicting comments.

I (26F) recently got engaged to long term boyfriend of 5 years (26M) and we wanted to get married ASAP due to my father being diagnosed with multiple myeloma (bone marrow cancer) in 2023. He has been in and out of remission since. His last round of intense treatment was in early 2025, and his cancer has been dormant since but doctor was unable to give a time frame of how long it would last. His last treatment was noted to be a last ditch effort so we are currently on borrowed time…

We do not have a strong relationship with fiancés parents (65F, 67M) as they pass blame for every inconvenience to us. The never reach out for holidays/ special events/ important dates. And have claimed on many occasions I’m ruining their family but having a relationship with their son. His mom puts a lot of her emotional wellbeing on my fiancé. Even after he purchased a home in late 2025. (They showed up to every viewing/ showing. And acted as if I wasn’t not there or have a small say in how the home looked or location… on last viewing of the house we bought his father said “this house is my retirement project” and wanted to pick up the keys himself from realtor office without my now fiancé)

Fiancés brother (25M) has been dating his now finance (21F) for just shy of 1-1/2 or 2 years. They purchased their home june 2026 and one week later got engaged. We were not very present for their relationship as fiancés parent would actively tell lies about our relationship (I have no job, I’m not going to school, I live off my boyfriend, etc… I was working full time and going to school full time while living at home to save money… his mother told me I would never make it in the field I was going to school for then proceeded to lie and say she never said it and I was being dramatic)

Now today we booked a viewing for his parents and mine to attend to view a venue that my fiancée and I both enjoyed and wanted for our wedding to be in early Sept 2027. I thought this gap in time would allow space between weddings and time for each bride to have their moment while allowing me to have a wedding ASAP to allow for my dad to hopefully be able to walk me down the aisle… I felt uncomfortable booking a wedding prior to his brothers wedding as I did not want to take away from her “spotlight”. We over lap a max of 7 guests (grooms side is very small. They do not talk to a lot of family)

Future sister in law messaged me and told me she was upset because it took away her spot light for her engagement by getting engaged to close to her, and I will be stealing her spotlight for her wedding now if I have a wedding after hers.

My fiancée and I plan to have a wedding of about 100-150 people and will be paying for the wedding ourselves. As I fear taking money from someone who we have a rocky with.

Am I in the wrong for wanting a wedding a month after theirs? Our venue has limited time options that line up with the catering service we can afford.

I was so happy to be marrying my fiancée but this has all taken a damper on the fun and excitement of planning.

I don’t need a spotlight on me, and I’m not an attention seeker. I have made one post about my engagement as we are typically private about our life on social media.

His parents both yelled and had a tantrum about the proposed date in from of my parents and the wedding venue coordinator. I was mortified/embarrassed/ upset. All at the same time. I apologize profusely after they left to the venue coordinator…. My family told me to plan the wedding on the date I originally planned on, but I’m so conflicted. I just want my dad to walk me down the aisle before his cancer comes back while having their wedding ceremony before ours as it seems like the right thing to do.

I may be missing a lot and I apologize I’m in shock and feel like I’m living in a different reality with how much drama this has caused by just bringing up a date that works for us with the unknown time I have with my dad…

My estranged brother’s wedding is this weekend. I’ve RSVP’d ”yes” to be polite and keep the peace for the rest of our family. I don’t know anyone else that’s going to be there, except for the family members that could make it - and not even all of the family is coming.

My brother is very religious and I am not and I know a lot of his reception is going to be religious/worship music that I’m not going to want to listen/dance to. I have multiple food allergies and the reception is supposed to go on pretty late into the night, so I know at some point I’m going to get hungry and not have anything there to eat.

Bottom line: I really don’t think I’m going to have a good time. Would it be rude to come to the ceremony out of politeness and then leave before the reception?

Update/Context (because my friend says it matters here): Last weekend I attended a small family lunch where both my brother and future SIL were present. Neither of them would even look at, talk to me, or even acknowledge my presence. I don’t see me being treated any differently at the wedding or reception and it’s part of the reason that I’m considering leaving before the reception.

I've been a wedding photographer for about eight years. My contracts are pretty simple. You get at least 500 edited images within six weeks, delivered in an online gallery you can download from. Raw files are not included. That's written in section 4 and every couple initials it.

Last month I shot Danielle and Marcus's wedding. Lovely day, great light, easy couple. I delivered 640 edited photos in just under five weeks.

A few days later Danielle emailed asking for all the raw files. That's around 3,200 images. Her reason was that she wanted to edit some herself for Instagram, and her cousin "does editing" and could help.

I wrote back explaining that raws aren't part of any of my packages and pointed her to the contract. I also offered to edit up to 20 extra shots of her choosing for free, picked from a preview gallery with every image I took.

She didn't take the offer. Instead she left a two-star review saying I'm "holding our memories hostage." Then her mom called my business line and told me I should be ashamed of myself for keeping photos "they paid for."

They paid for the edited gallery, and they got more than the contract promised. Raw files are basically unfinished work, and my name goes on whatever gets posted.

AITA here? I've never had this blow up before.

TL;DR: A bride wants all 3,200 raw files from her wedding even though the contract clearly excludes them. I offered 20 extra free edits instead and got a two-star review.

I (early 30s F) got married earlier this year. One of my bridesmaids was a close friend who moved several states away. I was in her wedding the year before and spent over $2,000 on travel and wedding expenses because I wanted to be there for her.
Eight months before my wedding, she and her husband lost their jobs. I sympathized, and she found another job a couple of months before my wedding. For months, she assured me she’d be there no matter what. She even told mutual friends she’d visit Thursday through Sunday of wedding week. She never mentioned that attending was uncertain.
Then on MONDAY, five days before my Saturday wedding, she texted that she might not come because of money. I was blindsided. She wasn’t just a guest; she was IN the wedding, and I’d already paid for her hair and makeup.
When I said I was hurt and confused after all her reassurances, she got angry and insisted she’d never explicitly said she’d BOUGHT a plane ticket. True, but she’d repeatedly told me and others she was coming, down to the dates. I didn’t think I needed proof of purchase from my bridesmaid. Suddenly I was defending why I’d believed her instead of discussing the last-minute change.
This wasn’t the first time. She’d created similar uncertainty about attending my bachelorette party after indicating she’d be there. I’ve also long sensed some unspoken resentment or competition from her. I can’t prove it, but the tension was strong enough that part of me expected something like this.
I would NEVER expect anyone to go into debt for my wedding. If she’d told me earlier that finances might prevent her from attending, I would’ve understood and made other arrangements. What hurt was the repeated certainty followed by a bombshell five days before the wedding, and her reaction when I expressed my feelings.
Ultimately, a family member bought her ticket and she attended. A month later, she purchased a luxury-brand vehicle. I don’t know her full financial situation and she can spend her money as she likes, but the timing made me question things.
People close to me were furious; one said she’d have ended the friendship. I defended my friend because I knew she’d struggled. But months later, I still feel differently about her. I don’t think my wedding should outrank someone’s financial stability. I do think honesty and communication matter.
AITA for still resenting how she handled this even though she ultimately came?

Background: This past year has been a whirlwind of highs and lows. It all came to a head two months before our wedding date, which I ultimately decided to cancel because we weren’t on the same page.

Around December 2024, my fiancé (30, M) and I (29, F) decided on our first home. We had always intended to create an apartment in it to afford Long Island’s high housing costs. My aunt was going to move into the apartment and pay rent. She was there for the entire construction process and offered some guidance alongside our contractors, but she knew we weren’t fully focused on the build because we were planning our wedding, about 11 months out. She moved in during late spring 2025, and from the start she was never treated as a tenant, which was wrong. The house slowly stopped feeling like mine, or ours, and started feeling like hers, pending a nursing home. She even suggested installing a stair lift to help her up and down the steps.

My fiancé and I spent 6 months doing house projects nonstop. When his energy and momentum slowed, I started looking at him differently, as if he didn’t care about our home. On top of that, I had recently joined a toxic sales company. My aunt’s dog had also been eating its own poop daily for the past seven months. I raised it with her, but she made minimal effort to correct it, and I was anxious that our dog would pick up the habit. Eventually I exploded at both of them, which led me to cancel the wedding and tell my aunt I could not live with family any longer.

I have had no contact with my entire family of origin for several years now. This also added a knot to the previous wedding planning, because I was anxious about who would walk me down the aisle and what his family would say to me on the day, asking where my family was.

Now my aunt has reported me to the town, and we are in the process of getting permits. Most of our vendors are paid in full, and our apartment expediter says it could take about 6 months to get the apartment settled. I’m trying to pick up the pieces from planning the previous wedding. My fiancé and I have been in couples counseling, which has been working for us, and we’re expressing our needs and wants more clearly. We’re both at a loss about what to do next. We’ve agreed to pick wedding discussions back up once the apartment is buttoned up.

Questions for the group:

1. Should we stick to our original plan and elope in the California redwoods, as we’d always dreamed before wedding planning took over?
2. Should we go to the courthouse before the end of this year?
3. Should we elope, then have a wedding dinner reception within the year or within six months? I’ve seen others elope in NYC and then host a dinner back on Long Island all in one day.

Hi everyone. I’m getting married next year and I really need some advice. My brother (18) has autism and it has been really poorly managed by my parents (mum and stepdad). When I was living at home, I was really patient with him but also made sure to tell him when his behaviour was unacceptable and worked on ways to help him calm down when he was overwhelmed. I knew my parents wouldn’t carry this on, and it’s now been 5 years since I’ve moved out and he’s regressed so much. For context he is 6’6 and severely overweight, and when he gets angry and overwhelmed he shouts and becomes aggressive. This isn’t acceptable and they never tell him this or help him in anyway, they just laugh it off. It’s not funny at all, he has been suspended from college for being violent and hitting people. I’ve suggested CBT, medication and other talking therapies but they don’t care and it makes it quite hard to be around him. I know that’s awful to say, but that’s just where I’m at. Anyway, my mum wants him to be part of my wedding next year, sort of like an usher type thing, especially as my sister is my maid of honour (half sister on my dads side), of course I would love him to be part of my wedding, but I can only see it going badly. He gets very overwhelmed very quickly if things aren’t going his way or to plan, and I can just see some guests sitting in the wrong chair and him screaming and shouting at them. I know I will be the one having to deal with this, and I just don’t want the added stress on my wedding day. I already suffer from severe anxiety, and I think it’ll send me over the edge. It’s so horrible to say, I feel so bad even typing this, but I’m just as a loss. Would I be just the worst person in the world if I said I didn’t want him as an usher? Does anyone have any advice?

My wife (28F) and I (30M) got married recently. Her dad passed away a few years ago and she wanted to honor him by leaving an empty chair in the front row with his picture and flowers. She even paid an extra $180 to have the florist make a special arrangement for the chair.

My grandmother is 84 and originally told us she couldn't attend because of her health. We'd already finalized the seating and paid for everything based on our guest count.

Well, she surprised us by showing up with my uncle right before the ceremony. She uses a walker and was having trouble standing. Every chair was occupied, so I moved the picture and flowers onto a nearby table and let her sit in that front row seat.

I didn't think much of it at the time. I was just happy she managed to come.

My wife noticed when she walked down the aisle but didn't say anything until afterward. She was extremely upset and said that chair was the one thing she'd specifically arranged for her dad. She feels I should've found another solution instead of making that decision without her.

My mom thinks my wife is being unreasonable because my grandmother physically needed somewhere to sit. My wife says that's not the point and that I knew how important that particular chair was to her.

Looking back, I probably could've asked someone from the venue to bring another chair, but with the ceremony about to start, it didn't cross my mind.

AITA?

TL;DR: My grandmother unexpectedly attended our wedding and needed a seat, so I let her sit in the memorial chair my wife had paid extra from stake to decorate in honor of her late father. My wife says I disrespected something deeply important to her and should've found another solution.