r/aitaweddings • u/Icy-Willingness2522 • 1d ago
Wedding timing drama
Hi I’m kind of in a pickle right now and don’t know when to plan my wedding due to some conflicting comments.
I (26F) recently got engaged to long term boyfriend of 5 years (26M) and we wanted to get married ASAP due to my father being diagnosed with multiple myeloma (bone marrow cancer) in 2023. He has been in and out of remission since. His last round of intense treatment was in early 2025, and his cancer has been dormant since but doctor was unable to give a time frame of how long it would last. His last treatment was noted to be a last ditch effort so we are currently on borrowed time…
We do not have a strong relationship with fiancés parents (65F, 67M) as they pass blame for every inconvenience to us. The never reach out for holidays/ special events/ important dates. And have claimed on many occasions I’m ruining their family but having a relationship with their son. His mom puts a lot of her emotional wellbeing on my fiancé. Even after he purchased a home in late 2025. (They showed up to every viewing/ showing. And acted as if I wasn’t not there or have a small say in how the home looked or location… on last viewing of the house we bought his father said “this house is my retirement project” and wanted to pick up the keys himself from realtor office without my now fiancé)
Fiancés brother (25M) has been dating his now finance (21F) for just shy of 1-1/2 or 2 years. They purchased their home june 2026 and one week later got engaged. We were not very present for their relationship as fiancés parent would actively tell lies about our relationship (I have no job, I’m not going to school, I live off my boyfriend, etc… I was working full time and going to school full time while living at home to save money… his mother told me I would never make it in the field I was going to school for then proceeded to lie and say she never said it and I was being dramatic)
Now today we booked a viewing for his parents and mine to attend to view a venue that my fiancée and I both enjoyed and wanted for our wedding to be in early Sept 2027. I thought this gap in time would allow space between weddings and time for each bride to have their moment while allowing me to have a wedding ASAP to allow for my dad to hopefully be able to walk me down the aisle… I felt uncomfortable booking a wedding prior to his brothers wedding as I did not want to take away from her “spotlight”. We over lap a max of 7 guests (grooms side is very small. They do not talk to a lot of family)
Future sister in law messaged me and told me she was upset because it took away her spot light for her engagement by getting engaged to close to her, and I will be stealing her spotlight for her wedding now if I have a wedding after hers.
My fiancée and I plan to have a wedding of about 100-150 people and will be paying for the wedding ourselves. As I fear taking money from someone who we have a rocky with.
Am I in the wrong for wanting a wedding a month after theirs? Our venue has limited time options that line up with the catering service we can afford.
I was so happy to be marrying my fiancée but this has all taken a damper on the fun and excitement of planning.
I don’t need a spotlight on me, and I’m not an attention seeker. I have made one post about my engagement as we are typically private about our life on social media.
His parents both yelled and had a tantrum about the proposed date in from of my parents and the wedding venue coordinator. I was mortified/embarrassed/ upset. All at the same time. I apologize profusely after they left to the venue coordinator…. My family told me to plan the wedding on the date I originally planned on, but I’m so conflicted. I just want my dad to walk me down the aisle before his cancer comes back while having their wedding ceremony before ours as it seems like the right thing to do.
I may be missing a lot and I apologize I’m in shock and feel like I’m living in a different reality with how much drama this has caused by just bringing up a date that works for us with the unknown time I have with my dad…
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u/LisaW481 1d ago
You and your fiance need to be on the same page when it comes to his parent's and brother.
As I see it you are going to end up miserable if this is the rest of your life and right now you have no guarantees that it won't be.
This isn't just about a wedding date and your life shouldn't be impacted by the fact that his brother is getting married a month before you.
Please get on the same page as your fiance about his family. You don't want the full impact of marrying into his family hit you like a truck after the wedding.
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u/indiegirl1980 1d ago
Just me butting in with my two cents.. (and as someone who lost her dad to cancer before anything wedding related happened).
Elope with just your parents, take a couple of close friends too. Have your special day without the clown in-laws and do not tell them.
This way you have your dad there for sure (god willing his illness doesn't get worse) and you'll at least had one day that was about you, with people who genuinely care for you.
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u/Icy-Willingness2522 1d ago
You seem sensible and I love this Idea. I just fear the drama that would follow… do you think a month between weddings is far enough away from eachother? Am I being too quick to have a wedding after them?
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u/indiegirl1980 1d ago
Honestly I think a month is fine, they just want the spotlight.
You're allowed to have your wedding the way YOU want it, and anyone who says otherwise shouldn't be allowed to go.
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u/Icy-Willingness2522 1d ago
Thank you for your outside prospective. I agree I just have too big of a heart and a dread for drama I’m involved. I usually just drop the situation and let the other person have their way.
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u/indiegirl1980 1d ago
Honestly same, but honestly have the day you want. Keep setting the rules your way because otherwise they are going to be even more insufferable further down the line.
Is your fiance on the same page as you? As long as he is backing you up and not taking their nonsense too, the two of you will do grand.
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u/Icy-Willingness2522 1d ago
Before this drama started I invited his parents to the venue viewing and a taste testing for food… would it be rude to revoke the invite?
My mom is usually the one to speak up against people like my soon to be in-laws (they previously ignored all invited to go out for coffee and talk. Until my mom invited both of his parents to go… any topic of us was promptly shut down… she wanted to address how they were treating me as she was unhappy, but never got to actually have an inch in to start a productive conversation.) She was out of town and unable to attend the viewing of venue since it was rescheduled.
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u/MullberryBoy 1d ago
You have a very important reason for having your wedding as soon as you can. Ignore his crazy family.
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u/MaryMaryQuite- 1d ago
His brother and fiancée get a wedding day, like the rest of us. A month is plenty of time between weddings given the tiny overlap of guests.
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u/Just_Raisin1124 1d ago
You don't think his family are going to create drama on your wedding day if they're invited? They can't even view a venue without having a hissy fit, witnessing the actual wedding will send them into a meltdown. Elope with your family and close friends and tell your fiancee to put his big boy pants on and tell his family straight up that they weren't invited because they have never once shown any ounce or respect to you or your relationship.
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u/MullberryBoy 1d ago
Keep his parents and family out of all wedding planning and then decide if they even should be invited to the wedding.
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u/retrometro81 23h ago
I’d be very direct that a wedding will be happening in the near future whether they like it or not, and that whether or not to attend is up to them.
“We will be having our wedding on ______. We’d welcome your presence, but if you won’t be able to attend, we respect that decision.”
Don’t JADE (justify, argue, defend, or explain). You’re sharing information with them, not engaging in hostage negotiations. If they dchoose not to attend because “it steals the spotlight from SIL’s wedding a month earlier/they have a family reunion in Timbuktu that weekend that takes precedence/your MIL has an ingrown toenail/whatever,” it’s on them to manage their own emotions about it, not you.
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u/Significant_Fall_869 18h ago
Have a small ceremony soon with close family and a big bash later, that way your dad will be there for you.
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u/nurseasaurus 1d ago
Why are you associating with these insane people? Why hasn’t your fiance put some boundaries down? Does he defend you?