I wanted to give everyone an update because things have gotten a little more complicated.

After reading the comments, I decided to reach out to Danielle one last time. I genuinely didn't want to lose a friendship over a dress.

I explained that I wasn't trying to disrespect her wedding or ruin her pictures. I reminded her that I'd bought the peach dress after she personally approved it, and that I'd already spent $260 on the hotel, plus my flight and her wedding gift.

I even told her I'd be happy to borrow something in sage or dusty blue if I could find it.

Unfortunately, her response really hurt me.

She said she appreciated me trying, but that she was disappointed I was making such a big deal out of spending a little extra money for her special day.

That honestly made me feel terrible.

I'm not struggling because I don't care about her. I'm struggling because I have bills to pay, and another $120 isn't a small amount of money to me.

What upset me most was realizing that I'd spent so much time worrying about hurting her feelings that I hadn't really considered my own.

I finally told her that I love her and genuinely want her wedding to be beautiful, but I can't justify buying another dress at the last minute.

I said I'd completely understand if she'd rather I didn't attend.

She hasn't responded yet.

I'm honestly heartbroken because I was looking forward to celebrating with someone who used to be such an important part of my life.

I never imagined that a dress she originally approved would make me question whether I'm even welcome at her wedding.

For now, I'm not buying another dress. If that means I can't attend, I'll have to accept it.

Thank you to everyone who reminded me that having financial boundaries doesn't mean I don't care about my friend.

tl;dr: I tried talking to the bride again and even offered to borrow a dress in the new colors. She still thinks I'm making a big deal over $120. I explained my financial situation and told her I'd understand if she didn't want me there. She hasn't responded, and I'm honestly hurt.

First of all, thank you to everyone who commented on my original post. I honestly didn't expect so many responses, and reading them helped me realize that wanting to attend my own brother's wedding as a guest wasn't selfish.

A few days ago, I decided to have a private conversation with Jordan without Brooke or our parents involved.

I told him I loved him, that I was genuinely excited about his wedding, and that I still wanted to help. But I also explained something I don't think he'd really considered: if I agreed to coordinate everything, I'd spend his entire wedding worrying about vendors, schedules, and problems instead of actually being there for him.

I asked him one question: "When you look back at your wedding pictures in ten years, would you rather see me standing beside you or know I was somewhere in the back dealing with the caterer?"

He got quiet.

At first, he said Brooke was already stressed about the budget and that they were just trying to make everything work. I told him I understood, which is why I'd offered to help with setup, prepare the vendor spreadsheet, and even contribute $100 toward hiring someone.

But I also told him that I couldn't be responsible for everything from 7 AM until midnight.

What hurt me most was having to explain why I wanted to actually watch my brother get married.

Jordan eventually admitted he hadn't really thought about how much of the wedding I'd miss. He said Brooke had described it as mostly making sure people were in the right places, and he hadn't realized I'd essentially be working the entire day.

He apologized for putting me in that position.

Unfortunately, Brooke wasn't as understanding.

When Jordan told her I wouldn't be coordinating the wedding, she apparently said she was disappointed that I couldn't make this one sacrifice for family.

I'm not going to pretend that didn't hurt.

I've spent weeks trying to find ways to help them without sacrificing my own experience of the wedding, and somehow I still ended up feeling like I wasn't doing enough.

But this time, Jordan actually defended me.

He told her that I was his brother, not an employee, and that he wanted me sitting with our family during the ceremony.

That meant more to me than he probably realizes.

The good news is that they've decided to hire a coordinator for a smaller package. They're adjusting a few other expenses to make it work.

I'm still helping with the vendor spreadsheet and some setup, and I'm happy to do that.

My mom still thinks the whole situation could have been avoided if I'd just agreed to help, but my dad told me he was glad I stood up for myself.

I'm relieved things are mostly resolved, although I won't lie, Brooke's reaction has made things a little awkward between us.

I never wanted to create problems for their wedding. I just didn't want to look back years from now and realize I missed one of the most important moments of my brother's life because I was too afraid to say no.

TL;DR: I spoke privately with my brother and explained how much of his wedding I'd miss if I became the unpaid coordinator. He apologized and defended me when his fiancée complained. They've decided to hire someone, and I'll still help with smaller tasks while attending the wedding as his brother.

Orginal post:

https://www.reddit.com/r/amiwrong/s/oGAy3fj8Eu

After sleeping (more like lack of) on the topic and a conversation between my fiancée and I. We have decided to keep our date as it and book our venue for the date we originally choose. I will be uninviting them from our catering taste testing (might be controversial) because we would like to keep drama and the opportunity for comments to be made at a minimum. The less they know about the contents of our day the better at this point. Question now being how to go about wedding shower for SIL and MIL?

I recently just got married and am rethinking my relationship with a family member because of it. Her wedding is a few weeks after mine (so coming up) and I'm rethinking if I should even go. Basically, throughout my whole engagement, she was telling me why I shouldn't have my wedding and why I shouldn't even be engaged at this time. For reference, I'm younger than her by a few years and I don't think she ever expected me to be married first. She never once congratulated me or said she's happy for me. We had talked about her being my maid of honor in the past (daydreaming as people do), but when the time came she told me that she thought I wanted her to be my maid of honor just because I had no one else to ask. I figured we would move past everything once she got engaged (1 month after me) but instead she started trying to plan OVER my wedding. Anytime we talked, it would be about her wedding and how mine can be "planned for later". Once my wedding date was announced, she called me to ask why I had planned a date that was before hers and even tried to tell me that not everyone would come to mine because they wouldn't want to travel twice so close in time (referring to her wedding date). Which was never an outright statement, but it felt like a very passive aggressive question.

She never RSVP'd either, which our wedding was small and an RSVP was more of an unnecessary but formal response. When I texted her asking for a response or a text confirmation, she would say, "Josh (fake name) and I will be there Saturday. She showed up to my wedding not dressed (she changed at the venue) and without her fiancé. It was like she indirectly was aiming that she did not want to be there and it was an inconvenience to their schedule. During the reception, I received a side hug and an, "I hope today is great for you". She then left with no goodbye.

We've always been close up until this whole situation so I'm wondering if I should just go to the ceremony for family's sake and then let it go. Or should I just not go at all?

I’m getting married in less than a week, and what should have been one of the happiest times of my life has turned into family drama.
For context, my dad is the eldest of his siblings and has always been the one expected to compromise and keep the peace.
A while ago, my dad and his younger brother (my uncle) had a falling out over a cat. My dad had explicitly said no to my uncle taking it, but my uncle took it anyway.
Later, another uncle spoke to him, and my uncle apparently admitted that he hadn’t asked for permission and had just taken it. That same relative told me about this conversation in person.
Fast forward to my wedding.
I’ve always dreamed of having my entire extended family together, celebrating and having fun. Despite the disagreement, my parents wanted to make peace so everyone could attend.
We went to my uncle’s house to sort things out. He didn’t even come out to speak to us, saying he had a meeting. Instead, my aunt spoke on his behalf.
She claimed my uncle had asked my dad three times before taking the cat, which directly contradicted what he’d reportedly admitted to our other uncle.
Then she started accusing my parents of constantly taunting her and her husband whenever they visit our house.
This genuinely shocked me.
My parents have always welcomed them into our home. When my aunt was having serious marital problems and separated from her husband, she came to our house for support. My parents comforted her, and my dad even reassured her parents that we’d look after her.
When my aunt was out of town, my parents helped take care of their children, feeding them and dropping them off at school, even though my uncle was still in town.
I’m not saying this means they owe us anything. But hearing my aunt claim that my parents constantly mistreat them was incredibly hurtful, especially when I’ve personally witnessed the opposite.
Throughout the conversation, my parents kept trying to calm things down, while my aunt kept bringing up more grievances. My dad even ended up apologizing to keep the peace.
At one point, I finally asked, “Whatever fight you have is with my parents. This is MY wedding. What have I done to either of you?”
She didn’t respond.
What really pushed me over the edge was when they said, “We didn’t ask you to come here. You can message us, and if we feel it’s good enough, we’ll think about attending.”
I got angry and told them that the invitation was open, but if they didn’t want to attend, they needed to let us know because we had to finalize our RSVPs and catering headcount.
I wasn’t trying to force them to attend. I just wanted a clear answer instead of having my family repeatedly ask them to come.
Now I genuinely don’t even feel like having them at my wedding anymore. I feel like they’ve disrespected my parents, refused to have an honest conversation, and turned my wedding into another family argument.
At the same time, I know I got angry, and perhaps I should have handled it more calmly.
So, AITA for getting upset and demanding a clear RSVP from my aunt and uncle instead of continuing to persuade them to attend?

This happened a couple of years ago at this point, but drama has arisen and I need some unbiased opinions.

I (26F) have been with my husband (25M) for 8 years. We got engaged in February of 2024.

One of my friends from college (26F) has been with her husband (27M) for about 4 years. They got engaged in October of 2023.

They set their wedding date for the end of April in 2025. My fiancé (at the time) and I were thinking of doing more of an elopement in the fall of 2024, so way before my friend’s wedding date.

We then decided that we wanted to have more of an actual wedding to celebrate with our families, and we were looking for dates at our dream venue. The venue had peak wedding season from May-October, meaning that the venue fees were roughly $3k more during those months. My fiancé and I said f*ck that, so we were thinking of getting married in early April (we could have done March, but that month is mega rainy season where our venue was, so we didn’t want to chance it).

My maid of honor, my other friend getting married, and I were all good friends in college, so my maid of honor knew the ins and outs of our wedding planning. She told me that I was being selfish and it would be totally out of the question to have my wedding in early April, 3.5 weeks before our friend’s, that she should have the entire month for herself (my maid of honor turned out to be absolutely batsh*t crazy, but that’s a story for another day). I took it upon myself to have a one on one conversation with my friend, and asked her myself if she would be okay if I set my wedding date for early April. She said it was fine, but that she would be disappointed that she wouldn’t be able to come to my wedding, and I told her I totally understood.

For context, we live & had our weddings on opposite sides of the country. No wedding guests, besides my maid of honor, crossed over between the two weddings.

My friend got married, and I got married, and we don’t talk much, which isn’t too different from our relationship before the drama. But recently she reached out to me to say that she was really hurt by everything that transpired last year, and now I feel terrible. Trying to reconcile things with her, but AITA for setting my wedding date 3.5 weeks before hers?

Edit: So my maid of honor and I had a huge falling out before my wedding, and her and my friend that got married are still friends. I’ve suspected this whole time that my MOH has been spreading rumors about what actually happened between us. I can guarantee you that she was the problem, and not me, but I can provide more context if needed. Maybe that’s why my friend is still upset about this now? I’m really not sure

We all flew to a family wedding. Prior to this my brother in another country was saying that my dad would be manipulative and use him as a free Uber driver.

I said “don’t be too harsh yet. You don’t know his plans.”

Well, I arrived before my father and his wife and I hired a rental car. I drive them around to different venues for 4 days. The wedding was 30 minutes drive away from our Airbnb.

They have three houses between them, 2 mortgage free and half $1 million in investments . I know this because he showed me.

They did not offer to pay anything towards the rental car

I’ve decided not to reach out to my father. There’s been so many other different times he has let me down and I just can’t trust him on many different levels.

AITA for this? I know they chose not to hire a rental car but they didn’t take Ubers anywhere.

They just basically took advantage of my kindness from my perspective.

I know it’s on me for not asking for anything, but I didn’t feel comfortable asking and they know full well that it would have been expensive

The wedding was three weeks ago now and I haven’t messaged or called him and I know him well .
He probably hasn’t even noticed yet.

Eventually, he may notice that I’m not calling him. His wife thinks he’s on the autism spectrum.

(My brother and his fiancé hired their own car and didn’t drive my father anywhere, but I did, to take the pressure off my brother who was father of the bride )

My fiance and I are stuck between inviting a friend of mine to our wedding. On paper, he should absolutely be invited. I've known him for 15+ years (since college), was his roommate at one point, and met up with him on an international trip within the last year. We are having a pretty large wedding and are inviting people that are not as good of friends.

However, I am trying to distance myself from this friendship. He is selfish and has explosive anger issues that give me serious anxiety, and honestly is just not a great person.

Additionally, his ex will be at our wedding, and they did not end on good terms. His presence will make her extremely uncomfortable and will create unnecessary anxiety for us about potential drama between them on what should be the happiest day of our lives. We are worried about his behavior much more than hers, especially with an open bar and party atmosphere. He has a history of getting too fucked up and getting angry or depressed. He also has a very "big" personality and tends to make his presence known.

We have overlapping friend groups and I will definitely be crossing paths with him in the future. I also think certain friends will judge me or side with him. I think by not inviting him, I am definitely an asshole. But is it worth being an asshole to make sure my wedding goes smoothly? Or should I just invite him to eliminate any drama between us since we have shared friends and I will be seeing him at other events in the future?

If I don't invite him I would have a conversation with him, I wouldnt just let him find out through other friends

Throwaway because family knows my main.
Getting married soon and honestly I'm dreading having my parents there. My dad has made racist comments about my fiancée’s family and called “people that believe the stuff that they believe in” not intelligent…. Although we live for 2,5 yrs in their proximity! He said my political views became weird when I switched girlfriends (mind you, there were 1,5 years in between?) .

When we got engaged, my mom's question during our phone call after the in-person announcement question was whether we were doing it for tax reasons or because of my fiancées grandma's (they are 80+ and we really wanted them to come with us). At some point they decided I'd joined a "cult" and secretly invited a friend of mine over to basically interrogate him about me, he told me about it, so was loyal. My mum blocked him…
Then we posted the invite in the extended family group chat. Total silence from them for a week. Then my mom messages me like "thanks a lot for the AI generated invite for EVERYONE, great invitation for the parents."

The invite btw was not ai generated, my fiancée and I did it on Canva and it being their first reaction is so telling…. Now they want to talk on the phone. My sister who has recently hung up on (and no one said anything about it) did not even react to the invite….

At least my brother called to say that he won’t come… what I find weird is that when I threatened not to come to his wedding (where he did not invite my gf (my now fiancée) since he hadn’t met her up until that time), my entire family was trying toxconvince me otherwise. Now he just says, I don’t feel well about it and everyone accepts it (but my brother is such an ass, I am glad he is not there)…

Deep down, I know having my parents there will hurt MY family with my fiancée and might damage her trust in me (my sister did not react anyway, but I also would not want her to come..)

So how do I go about this? Just tell them they are uninvited? Rethink and sleep about it?

The rest of the family (cousins aunts etc) will come… do I shoot them a message after uninviting to clear the air? And do I go Nc with my parents?
Has anyone actually done this? Did you regret it? Did things ever get better with your parents afterwards?

I’ve never made a post like this before but I’m truly curious what people outside of either of my or my significant others circle truly think about this situation. Short back round-my significant other and I have been together 9 years and lived together for about 7. 31yr male and 30yr Female. Safe to say it’s not perfect but it’s a serious long term relationship. Both of us work a lot and have split days so we don’t see each others family except for major holidays or events. About a year ago my mom planned a wedding for October 17th and she told all her immediate family including me as soon as possible. I told my girlfriend a few times through this year the wedding was in October but I NEVER told her the exact dates and I admit that’s my fault. About 3 weeks out from the wedding I told her the exact weekend to make sure she would have it off for work and other plans. She proceeds to tell me her and her close friend from work have been planing a trip to Mexico on that exact weekend for a month or so. Now she never mentioned this trip to me ( until I brought up the wedding dates ) and if she had I would have told her that weekend is importantly booked. Now with 3 weeks left until the wedding/mexico trip I figured it would be enough time to tell her friend, apologize that she has other obligations i.e being in wedding with the brides son. I don’t make my signifigant do anything and I told her its her decision but it means an incredible amount to my family and my self for her to be there. She choose the Mexico trip and I feel extremely let down. she still says it’s my fault for not giving her the exact dates as soon as possible and 3 weeks wasn’t enough time to cancel on a friend. I said the same could be said about her planning a Mexico trip and not telling me but at the end of the day I feel she chose her friend over myself and my family. I recognize she’s in a tough situation and I feel bad but pease let me know if I’m the asshole.