r/amiwrong • u/Icy-Willingness2522 • 1d ago
AIW Wedding timing
Wedding timing drama
Hi I’m kind of in a pickle right now and don’t know when to plan my wedding due to some conflicting comments.
I (26F) recently got engaged to long term boyfriend of 5 years (26M) and we wanted to get married ASAP due to my father being diagnosed with multiple myeloma (bone marrow cancer) in 2023. He has been in and out of remission since. His last round of intense treatment was in early 2025, and his cancer has been dormant since but doctor was unable to give a time frame of how long it would last. His last treatment was noted to be a last ditch effort so we are currently on borrowed time…
We do not have a strong relationship with fiancés parents (65F, 67M) as they pass blame for every inconvenience to us. The never reach out for holidays/ special events/ important dates. And have claimed on many occasions I’m ruining their family but having a relationship with their son. His mom puts a lot of her emotional wellbeing on my fiancé. Even after he purchased a home in late 2025. (They showed up to every viewing/ showing. And acted as if I wasn’t not there or have a small say in how the home looked or location… on last viewing of the house we bought his father said “this house is my retirement project” and wanted to pick up the keys himself from realtor office without my now fiancé)
Fiancés brother (25M) has been dating his now finance (21F) for just shy of 1-1/2 or 2 years. They purchased their home june 2026 and one week later got engaged. We were not very present for their relationship as fiancés parent would actively tell lies about our relationship (I have no job, I’m not going to school, I live off my boyfriend, etc… I was working full time and going to school full time while living at home to save money… his mother told me I would never make it in the field I was going to school for then proceeded to lie and say she never said it and I was being dramatic)
Now today we booked a viewing for his parents and mine to attend to view a venue that my fiancée and I both enjoyed and wanted for our wedding to be in early Sept 2027. I thought this gap in time would allow space between weddings and time for each bride to have their moment while allowing me to have a wedding ASAP to allow for my dad to hopefully be able to walk me down the aisle… I felt uncomfortable booking a wedding prior to his brothers wedding as I did not want to take away from her “spotlight”. We over lap a max of 7 guests (grooms side is very small. They do not talk to a lot of family)
Future sister in law messaged me and told me she was upset because it took away her spot light for her engagement by getting engaged to close to her, and I will be stealing her spotlight for her wedding now if I have a wedding after hers.
My fiancée and I plan to have a wedding of about 100-150 people and will be paying for the wedding ourselves. As I fear taking money from someone who we have a rocky with.
Am I in the wrong for wanting a wedding a month after theirs? Our venue has limited time options that line up with the catering service we can afford.
I was so happy to be marrying my fiancée but this has all taken a damper on the fun and excitement of planning.
I don’t need a spotlight on me, and I’m not an attention seeker. I have made one post about my engagement as we are typically private about our life on social media.
His parents both yelled and had a tantrum about the proposed date in from of my parents and the wedding venue coordinator. I was mortified/embarrassed/ upset. All at the same time. I apologize profusely after they left to the venue coordinator…. My family told me to plan the wedding on the date I originally planned on, but I’m so conflicted. I just want my dad to walk me down the aisle before his cancer comes back while having their wedding ceremony before ours as it seems like the right thing to do.
I may be missing a lot and I apologize I’m in shock and feel like I’m living in a different reality with how much drama this has caused by just bringing up a date that works for us with the unknown time I have with my dad…
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u/ChaoticCrashy 16h ago
Plan your wedding without your in laws. You don’t need their permission or approval.
Congratulations!
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u/Creative-Noise5050 1d ago
Man that’s a lot of noise from people who don’t seem to care about your actual situation. Your dad’s health is the only timeline that matters here, a month after their wedding is plenty of space especially when the guest overlap is tiny. The tantrum in front of venue coordinator says everything about them, not you.
Plan the wedding you want in September and don’t apologize for it. Anyone who makes your dad’s borrowed time about their spotlight isn’t worth the stress.
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u/thepointlessusername 1d ago
To be fair, my priority would be around my father's health, not the other brides feelings. Book the wedding in early 2027 ahead of hers by 6 months.
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u/Petal_Violett 1d ago
You're not wrong. Not even a little bit. Your dad has cancer and you're trying to make sure he can walk you down the aisle while his cancer is dormant - THAT is what matters. Your FSIL got engaged a week after buying a house after 1.5 years, you've been together 5 years. She doesn't own the calendar. Sept 2027 is OVER A YEAR after her wedding, that is more than enough "spotlight." Your in-laws throwing a tantrum IN FRONT of the venue coordinator and your parents tells you everything you need to know. Please book your date.
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u/dnonzdno 1d ago
Plan to suit you, future husband needs to own relationship with his family. Could you ever have chosen a date to suit MIL? She would complain regardless. Updateme
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u/CanineQueenB 1d ago
How does you having a wedding a month AFTER hers take the spotlight off her. She's done. Her spotlight is out. It's a wedding DAY, not a wedding year. If I were you, I would have the wedding earlier. Fuck them.
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u/Icy-Willingness2522 1d ago
She told me I ruined her engagement spotlight too when we both got engaged 2 months apart…. I made one post to share with friends and family. She posts her ring or an engagement/ “wifey”posts regularly… yes I’m excited to be engaged but I’m just excited to finally being able to start a family with a great partner who treats me well.
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u/OrdinaryMango4008 1d ago
Girl…get on a plane, elope, have a party afterwards. Saves money, stress and your sanity.
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u/Missile_boy8284 4h ago
OP clearly says that she wants her father, who is sick, to walk her down the aisle.
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u/TGirl26 12h ago
NW. plan the wedding for the day you & your fiancé want. F[ck his family. Send them invitations, and forget them. I say hopefully they don't come, and if this is how they act with their own child I'm not surprised they only talk to 7 other family members.
Sometimes family is just hateful, and you need to know when to cut ties.
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u/Ok_Passage_6242 4h ago
Why are you still in contact with his family when they obviously don’t love or care about him?
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u/Stock-Mountain-6063 5h ago
Tell them you can do it a month after theirs or a month before. I'm sure that they would prefer the after.
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u/bmw5986 1d ago
First, why are either of you involving his patents? You say the relationship with them is complete crap so why give them a front row seat to Your lives? You say the same about your soon to be SIL, so again, why a front row seat?
This is Your wedding. The only opinions that matter are yours and future spouse's. For whatever reason, weddings and funerals bring out the absolute worst in some people. And ofc, Every One has an opinion about how Your wedding should be. Ignore it. Ignore all of it.
Your wedding isn't about them. Its about you and fiance. So have the one you both want, when you want it, so long as you can afford it. If anyone doesn't like that they have the option to RSVP no.
Friendly reminder, you get 1 day. Your wedding day. Not a week, month, season, or year. So SIL can complain all she wants. She can also change her wedding date if she feels your wedding is too close to hers. Pick a date that works for you.