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u/withgreatpower 2d ago
My therapist has been working with me on a theory that I'm not really introverted, but an extrovert who has been taught that socializing is unsafe. Social dysphoria. I (AuDHD) don't fully agree because while I enjoy my individual or small group connections I still feel my battery deplete in large gatherings. But it remains an interesting hypothesis.
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u/Ekyou 2d ago
I think it’s good to remember that extroversion/introversion is a spectrum. I am also an “extroverted” introvert who enjoys socializing but has social anxiety. It’s… very difficult to find advice for my situation, haha.
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u/QuinRO 2d ago
I think part of this is how introversion has been misinterpreted over the years to mean "antisocial". I love social interaction and spending time with friends but generally hit an upper limit of how much I can handle before it wears me out
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u/Ironicbanana14 1d ago
My boyfriend is extroverted but he seems to be offended when I tell him that. He gets energized from being around people, like octane high if its his best friends. So I think at some point, maybe even extroverted got a negative connotation at least for him? I dont know why!!!
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u/hardypart 1d ago
A new term was coined, "otrovert".
An otrovert is an emerging, non-clinical descriptive concept introduced in 2025 by New York psychiatrist Dr. Rami Kaminski in his book The Gift of Not Belonging.
Key Characteristics
• Not on the Binary: Unlike introverts who draw energy from solitude or extroverts who thrive in crowds, otroverts sit outside the standard introvert-extrovert spectrum.
• Socially Capable, Not Communal: Otroverts are often friendly, empathetic, and able to function well in social settings, yet they feel little to no internal drive to belong to groups, teams, or social hierarchies.
• Deep 1-on-1 Connections: They prefer intimate, meaningful one-on-one conversations over small talk, parties, or broad social networking.
• Independent Thinking: They rely on their own internal compass, resist groupthink, and do not shape their identity around peer validation.
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u/dottydiapers 2d ago
This is me! Well, after a beer or ten. I become the life of the party especially big parties. I'm talking to everyone, singing karaoke, telling jokes and stories to groups of people. The regret, shame, and embarrassment the next day is real. But sober me is still this the way you describe it. Small groups I can't shut up it I'm addressed first. Otherwise I can go months without speaking to another human being.
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u/2-9-19-3-21-9-20-19 2d ago
2-drink Biscuits is the Biscuits people who actually know me get all the time.
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u/ashleyslo 1d ago
You just perfectly summed it up for me. Smash is the Ashley people who actually know me get all the time 😂
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u/BurritoBandito39 2d ago
Your battery depleting in large gatherings may not necessarily be due to introversion though - it may be that you're still not quite comfortable or feeling "safe" socializing in large groups, and some (possibly maladaptive) coping / defense mechanisms you've built up (possibly masking) are still coming online to some extent, which is adding mental overhead and draining you more than expected?
Or maybe not - maybe I'm projecting or something lol. Best of luck in figuring it out!
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u/zombietobe 2d ago
I call myself a “selectrovert”: selectively intro- or extroverted depending on my mood, time of day, number of people, whether my favorite (or least favorite) people/activities are involved, noise-to-fun ratio, specific sensory stimuli, what else I could be doing instead, how much advance warning I receive (especially for strategic timing of meds), exit strategies, and a long list of other relevant information.
(Cool username, btw!)
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u/ashleyslo 1d ago
I feel like you just described a cat. I often describe my battle with own brain in terms of being a cat. And now I know why 😂
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u/Xercies_jday 1d ago
I actually think AuDHD has the weird thing of being both extravert and introvert, and it would make sense right? Both polls go towards different things, autism goes towards safety and comfort and order which is going to lead towards introversion, and ADHD goes towards novelty, adventure, and chaos which is going to lead to extroversion.
But neurodivergence does definitely cause issues when we are younger, because we are immediately different to people, which causes a lot of judgement and shame, which will tend towards social anxiety being a thing as well. The social anxiety will definitely drain us.
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u/Enlightened_Gardener 2d ago edited 2d ago
Your therapist doesn’t understand the difference between extroverts and introverts. Extroverts recharge by being around other people, introvert recharge by being alone.
I’m an introvert – I need at least 2 to 3 hours of absolute downtime a day or I start going crazy. But I love people - I love meeting new people, I love chatting to them, I like parties…
I don’t find socialising unsafe, I just find it fundamentally exhausting. Even surround by old friends who are all ND like me, we have a great time, and then I need to sit quietly and play Candy Crush for an hour or two, or read a book, depending on how hard I’ve been working my brain. If it’s a party at night, and I can’t wind down afterwards, I’ll be useless for anything the next day.
I’m Audhd as well, and am just discovering the joyous long-term effects of burnout from not giving myself enough space to recharge. Have you come across /r/autisticwithadhd ? Its a fabulous community and well worth a visit for likeminded people.
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u/TheGoalkeeper 2d ago
Interesting point, yet not contracting that you can be introvert and talkative when comfortable.
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u/xianwolf 2d ago
I think this is me too. I need, enjoy and crave lots of socialization but sometimes I isolate myself because it's easier than dealing with RSD.
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u/le_flashed 2d ago
My entire workplace is very binary about me, one half of me knows me as boring and the other half calls me nuts.
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u/hanabetsy 2d ago
The nuts half is just everyone who made the mistake of asking about your hyperfixation one time
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u/Ranger_Ecstatic 1d ago
There's a clear difference between the Blood Angels and the Emperor's Children. Former is Loyalist and Latter is Chaos.
"But the names..."
YES I KNOW, but its part of the theme. Like the Salamanders who purges with fire. "They're chaos right?" No! They are the good guys.
Okay well technically, there's no good guys. They are all evil. Some more evil than others.
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u/-SpanishBiscuit- 2d ago
There’s literally one person at work who has even the faintest idea of what I’m actually like, and it’s because her ass is ADHD too, so we just vibe on the rare occasions we talk.
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u/le_flashed 2d ago
It's the frequency man, we are like metal detectors for other adhd people.
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u/Chuu 2d ago
I remember talking to a psychologist about this. For a lot of mental issues we'd classify as 'neurodivergent' by far the easiest way to figure it out would be to put them in a room with someone else the same issues and see how they interact. There is no official protocol for this though.
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u/StaceyTheStaceExplrr 2d ago
The only reason you vibe is that you both claim to have ADHD? Do you have any personal identity or is it all just "I have ADHD I'm neurospicy!!"
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u/-SpanishBiscuit- 2d ago
No, you buffoon, we have a lot of the same tendencies and methods of communication because we have a shared diagnosis.
Believe it or not, ADHD is a real condition that actual doctors diagnose people with.
Jesus Christ, you idiots are insufferable.
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u/Deaffin 2d ago
That definitely comes off as an ADHD-is-my-identity person trying to gatekeep ADHD because they feel overrepresented, not somebody trying to say it's a fake disorder.
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u/-SpanishBiscuit- 1d ago
You’re correct. They tried begging for my attention then made a whole thread telling on themselves and imagining things that were neither said nor implied by me.
Holy projection, batman.
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u/StaceyTheStaceExplrr 2d ago
u/-SpanishBiscuit- lol you know that almost half of people who claim to have ADHD have never actually sought a diagnosis, correct?
Which wasn't even the main point of my question. Nobody said it didn't exist, it's just one of the most falsely claimed medical conditions in modern times. I believe you're entirely focused on your condition and it's your defining characteristic.
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u/Gimetulkathmir 2d ago
"I believe you're entirely focused on your condition and it's your defining characteristic" is kinda how ADHD works.
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u/StaceyTheStaceExplrr 2d ago
Interesting, so they just talk about it all day and read about it and don't do anything else of any substance? Tell me more.
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u/Gimetulkathmir 2d ago
That's not what I said. Nor is that what you said.
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u/StaceyTheStaceExplrr 2d ago
Please explain further then, you said being entirely focused on the condition is itself a symptom of the condition. What if a person has ADHD but doesn't know what ADHD is? Again, just interested in hearing more.
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u/Sir_PressedMemories 2d ago
Again, just interested in hearing more.
No, you aren't.
You are interested in having fights online because you are a sad and lonely person with no social life, so you rile people up online in the hopes of getting some sort of human interaction that you are so desperately craving.
The other person blocked you, so you tagged them by name once you realized you could not respond directly to them.
Now, I am going to let you respond to me, I won't block you just yet, because I know that you have absolutely no ability to stop yourself from replying; it is a drug to you, and it is the only way you can feel.
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u/StaceyTheStaceExplrr 2d ago
Now it's like, do I respond to prove I don't care what you think or not respond to prove you wrong? Decisions decisions...
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u/Gimetulkathmir 2d ago
So ADHD is fairly misunderstood especially by people who have it but aren't aware. You know something is wrong, you feel something is wrong, but you don't know what. Because of how the ADHD brain works, you also often feel like you're the only one. "Why is it so easy for everyone else to do homework but I struggle with it? Am I stupid? Am I lazy?"
One thing that our brains are bad at is having a steady supply of dopamine. And we also like to hyperfixate on stuff. So, when you get that diagnosis, you fixate on it.
"Oh, hey, I read more about it. This explains that incident that happened in third grade that I've been thinking about non-stop for forty years."
You go down that path, learning more and thinking more, and connecting it to memory after memory and it's just dopamine hit after dopamine hit.
It's also one of those things where if you don't have it, you can't truly understand it. So when you find other people who do understand it, that's another dopamine hit.
I'm not sure how well I explained it, but there you go.
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u/StaceyTheStaceExplrr 2d ago
I can appreciate that last line which does, kind of explain part of why someone would "vibe" because of a shared diagnosis. I initially started the inquiry because it's odd to me that someone would say they vibed with someone simply because they both have a condition. A substantive relationship/friendship would not be built solely on that though.
I've met plenty and often find someone entirely intolerable if they're always excusing or explaining their behavior by mentioning their condition. You are a whole-ass person and if you seem to explain everything you do around your condition like that, I find you boring and you are probably living a sad life that I don't want to be around. It's also an indication that you don't take personal accountability often, and people like that suck.
At some point, some part of you has to be a result of who you are. And if who you are is a medical condition, I can get to know you by reading about it in a book.
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u/GlidingPhoenix 2d ago
This so much. Very very few people know the real me at work. I mask so hard. Sometimes when the mask slips (when my hyper fixations come into conversations), they're so confused. I've had so many people tell me that I come off very different (yeah dude, it's deliberate. Otherwise you'll all call me crazy)
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u/metaphysical_pickle 2d ago
Everyone is friendly and chill until they casually bring up something I rabbit holed on during a sleepless night. Suddenly they are at the recieving end of a passionate Ted talk with facts and sources.
They walk away believing that my whole personality is that subject and joke...until it happens weeks later on a completely separate topic.
Confuses the hell out of people.
Problem is, I love the info dump and I welcome questions, but unless they are like ND pr grew up around NDs....they are afraid lol
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u/Technical_Contact836 1d ago
I still remember the time a coworker brought up getting the new Pokémon game for his kid and got a full 45 minute lecture on a specific Pokémon I was excited to catch and the poison typing.
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u/Agreeable-Outcome-14 2d ago
My word count decreases exponentially in proportion to amount of ppl in the room
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u/gleeble 2d ago
Canned/practiced answers to questions only!
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u/Agreeable-Outcome-14 2d ago
At parties ppl are like, "hi nice to meet you what's your name?" and I say "we're never going to meet again it doesn't matter"
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u/FufuCuddlyPoops8 2d ago
Man that's a long one. Must be a pain signing documents
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u/Agreeable-Outcome-14 2d ago
The notary hates me
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u/racheluv999 2d ago
I bet word of you gets around in the notary circles. You’re probably notary notorious.
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u/estellebestgirl 2d ago
You could give a random name every time so everyone's all confused about who they're trying to talk about if any of your names come up later.
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u/Eastern_Cucumber_454 2d ago
Someone at work once said to me, wow you're always so quiet but you're actually cool to talk to. He kept insisting he was gonna get me out of my shell and wouldn't listen when I said it's not a shell, I am not interested in talking most of them time and like listening to my podcasts...
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u/Skwirelle_MtF 1d ago
Oh gods I hate this kind of peopleee, "Don't worry I'll get you out of your shell in no time" my fellow mammal in the living world.. this is my Skin you are trying to rip off
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u/Iambecomelegend 2d ago
A while back someone who I was trying to get closer to told me that I'm someone they can only handle in small doses and its legitimately fucked me up since. I feel like a vampire; not welcome unless invited in.
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u/MaxxDash 2d ago
There’s someone out there who has a prescription for your dosage.
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u/TheCollinKid I know this flair has an error; I'll just esit it later 2d ago
My mandatory date location for no later than the third date is an air and space museum for this exact reason.
Before we go any further, you need to experience me at critical information capacity.
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u/Affectionate_Bad_680 2d ago
A girl I once knew was tiny. But get her going on one of her interests and suddenly she just exploded with energy everywhere. Big thing in a tiny package and I fucking loved it. Every time she got all excited it was the biggest attractor.
Sadly it wasn’t mutual 😭
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u/davesr25 2d ago
This but for some odd reason everyone waits for me to talk to them or start a conversation with them.
Something I only noticed as well the past few years.
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u/ReverendDizzle 2d ago
People like talking to me because I'm genuinely interested in everything and everyone, almost to a fault.
A crackhead could yell at me in passing "The price of fucking Chore Boy scrubbers it too damn high! And I got a theory as to why!" 'n I'd be like "Oh really? Go on?"
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u/Homicidal-Ideation 2d ago
Yep. I will not talk to anyone who does not talk to me first.
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u/Evening_Gazelle_5848 2d ago
Everyone seems me as this shy, quiet and boring person so whenever they strike a conversation with me they're suprised that i can hold one really well and i'm fun to talk to. Someone coming to talk to me first gives me the reassurance that this person wants to talk to me and i can engage properly without having to limit myself to avoid appearing too eager or weird. The second i get comfortable i become the ultimate yapper lol
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u/Feisty-Self-948 2d ago
I got burned and ignored too many times to reach out. So most of the time I don't, and I don't initiate the first conversation either usually. But as my friend put it, "If I want to talk, we'll talk". Meaning if she reaches out, I'll respond. And that's kinda my go-to. If I have something to say, I'll say it. If I feel compelled to reach out, then I might. But other than that, it's easy to get ahold of me. So I'm just here.
As much as it annoys me and drives me up the fucking wall, this is the case for dating/intimate relationships too. But that one's from many repeated attempts to engage and getting ignored. So, I get it. I'll just be here until they decide to acknowledge me on their own, sweet time. Who gives a fuck what I need, amirite?
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u/ThatInAHat 2d ago
I just feel like I don’t have much to offer so reaching out first is weird. Like, I don’t have a space where folks can come hang out
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u/figgypie 2d ago
I'm extremely shy and reserved with new people, like I barely make a peep if it's a group of strangers.
But once I'm comfortable with someone? You can't shut me up and I'm always cracking jokes.
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u/PleiadesMechworks 2d ago
Wow that sounds like everyone else ever
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u/InterestingSoup1252 2d ago
I’m none of that. I do avoid eye contact and don’t answer calls, but that’s it. I have no issue with messaging people first, especially if it’s someone I feel safe with.
But I don’t like socializing with people and it takes a lot for me to feel safe with someone. I won’t open up until I feel safe. So you’d be getting a quiet and shy person for a while.
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u/Syseal 2d ago
Quiet and shy is amazing and I love it when I'm the "social anxiety fears this man" vibe. Usually the more the other person opens up the calmer I get. But I love to just chat random people on the street and hear them out. Talk to the barista, pop a joke wish her a lovely rest of the day and move on. I cold call people cuz I need to have an answer now, not in a week or a month... Now... I can be social if the vibe is good. But on the other hand I can be with a group of people, forcing conversations, keeping it alive and that's just not for me. So my anxiety is just like "up n go".
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u/RevolTobor 2d ago
I am the same way.
Come to think of it, most of the people in my friend group are like this.
Incidentally, what ARE your hyperfixations?
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u/Rocketsalesmen 2d ago
"I'm not refilling your prescription until you schedule a follow up appointment"
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u/Legitimate_Mud_8295 1d ago
I dont want to bother people or make an ass out of myself so I don't initiate. But if someone else talks to me first that means I'm safe to talk to them.
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u/brizzy500 2d ago
This makes it sound like the mask is the real person. I’m definitely the person who doesn’t reach out, not the person who performs as a socialite.
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u/brixelor 2d ago
I'm quiet until someone brings up my hyperfixation and suddenly I've been talking for 45 mins straight
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u/OkInternet1063 2d ago
This is how I know my Vyvanse has kicked in - I'm willing making phone calls in the office...
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u/GoatApprehensive9606 2d ago
There's some truth here for the most part varying from person to person, but up voting this feels self felationary, not a fan.
I relate to the part about not reaching out to others while being nice and chatty when spoken to. I think it's probably because of early childhood social rejection, it makes many of us fearful to reach out, but when someone approaches us, that fear eases.
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u/PleiadesMechworks 2d ago
How do you know you're funnier and more interesting than everyone else when you refuse to speak to them?
You're the funniest and most interesting person you know because you don't know anyone else.
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u/obviouslyanonymous5 2d ago
I know damn well whoever wrote this tweet praising themselves is never the funniest person in the room 💀
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u/Fancy-Appelboor8945 2d ago
This is not neuro divergent, you have (mild) anxiety.
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u/StalinsLastStand 2d ago
Is anxiety not neurodivergent?
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u/Chemesthesis 2d ago
Anxiety disorders are extremely common in neurodivergent folk, but they're not grouped together. Anxiety disorders can appear at any time from a wide range of stimuli, by my understanding all neurodivergent traits occur during early development.
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u/PleiadesMechworks 2d ago
Minor social anxiety is not the same as anxiety the condition which is crippling to one's life.
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u/StalinsLastStand 2d ago
That’s true, but that’s not what the tweet describes so I’m not sure how relevant it is. Someone who never messages first, answers calls, or makes eye contact does not sound like someone experiencing minor social anxiety.
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u/Alive-Artichoke5747 2d ago
Every single human experiences anxiety.
A diagnosed anxiety disorder is entirely different and significantly more rare.
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u/MothChasingFlame 2d ago
Sometimes the social response to one breeds the other. Like good ol' rejection sensitivity.
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u/backcloset 2d ago
"that's not neurodivergent, that's just neurodivergent" lol
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u/SuperBackup9000 2d ago
Mild anxiety and an anxiety disorder are two completely different things and it’s pretty offensive to equate them
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u/Hot_Charity_4803 2d ago
Believe it or not, having anxiety is a sign of an anxiety disorder, which is neurodivergent.
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u/cbost 1d ago
An anxiety disorder alone is not generally classified as neurodivergent. it is a common comorbidity, though.
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u/Hot_Charity_4803 1d ago
Yes it is, and it isn't common at all, that's why it's a disorder. We're not talking about "mild anxiety" on and ADHD sub. Why do people come onto the ADHD sub to tell people they aren't actually ND anyhow?
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u/Cualkiera67 2d ago
also calling yourself the funniest most passionate person is a bit cringe arrogant
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u/JustAnotherBarnacle 2d ago
I've no idea what neurodivergent means anymore because according to all those memes it covers everything
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u/Prince-Angel-Wing 2d ago
I still reserve myself from others, regardless of who they are. I'm informational and such, but I don't "open up"
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u/doingtheunstuckk 2d ago
I’ll go days keeping to myself at work, and then be bubbly and funny and social on a random Tuesday. People really don’t know what to make of me.
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u/Suitable_Spray 2d ago
I love it when people get upset I don't reach out to them over text, so then I do, but they find me annoying or something over text and then I never see them again despite all of our in person reactions being great
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u/hiking_bitch 2d ago
So true. Omg I need to rant about this a little bit. I have a friend I occasionally see at some big sport events but they never come talk to me there and seem to be busy playing the sport and socializing with other people so I always come to them. But in the months I don't see them, they call me like once per month and I get really annoyed cause I rather talk to them in person.
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u/Disastrous-Mud-9396 2d ago
Not trying to brag, but I’ve had some pretty sick hyper fixations. I’m proud of them.
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u/cl0ckw0rkcuttlefish 2d ago
I’m shy and quiet.
Until you know me, at which point “you can’t get [me] to shut the fuck up” (my mom’s words, to be read affectionately as we find it hilarious how many people think I’m not loud and mouthy as hell)
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u/Armageddonis 1d ago
I find the concept of "missing" someone nonexistent in my life. I have to set up alarms in my calendar to call my mom, otherwise, or if she didn't call me, we wouldn't have talked for months, and when the call actually comes, we'll be chatting for 45 minutes about nothing.
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u/orbofcat 1d ago
wont message first, wont answer calls, avoids eye contact… but if you speak to me?
suddenly the most annoying person in the room i think
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u/Sufficient_Low6430 1d ago
I use to feel physcially ill emailing/ texting people, like my life depended on it being perfect. I’d avoid responding for months but thought about it every single day. Don’t get me started on eye contact lol
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u/KarrieDarling 1d ago
Literally me in a nutshell. The worst part is, I will warn new friends that I'm not a caller and prefer texting... And at least one of them will call me over every little thing and never just text me, like I told them I preferred.
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u/sike_edelic 2d ago
if you think you're the funniest person in the room then you're probably the only one who thinks that
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u/Garchompisbestboi 2d ago
Lmao right, because nothing quite screams humility like making online posts to tell everyone how clever and amazing you are as long as others tip toe around your many sensibilities first. This should be posted in the narcissist memes subreddit if such a thing exists.
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u/Fake_Opinions69 2d ago
Sad reality is the world doesn't adjust to you, you have to adjust to the world
Keep waiting around to start living your life tho! Keep blaming that on your ADHD "diagnosis"
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u/Anxious_Hornet4 2d ago
One of the 48 laws of power - court attention
You can be the sweetest funniest nicest person in all the world but if nobody notices it’s not really worth much
The onus falls on you to court attention, not on me to make you feel cozy enough to do it
Assuming what you want is for anyone to care you’re a nice good sweetie funny pie. If you don’t care then do your thing baby girl
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u/qualityvote2 Quality Control Beast 2d ago edited 2d ago
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