Talking with my therapist recently, I commented that AuDHD feels like it should have its own diagnostic code/definition and she agreed. It feels like ADHD and autism are too limiting to diagnose both and just call it a day. AuDHD, or whatever we should call it, presents unique challenges in diagnosis and treatment which are distinct from people with one or the other.

I have a related issue with being called neurodivergent. We have alternative, complex neurological pathways above and beyond what neurotypical (aka neurolimited) people experience. We are the innovators, problem solvers, and crisis managers that are vital to human society.

Any thoughts? Also, what should we call it? Extra spicy? Complex Neurological Processing (CNP)?

I’m already so nervous and nauseated. Last time I went “away” in 2024 my legs physically wouldn’t let me go out the front door and I would just collapse and melt down.

I unfortunately get side effects from anxiety medications so I don’t want to take them, especially since I’m staying away for a wedding.

I know I just need to “get through it” but it seems impossible.

I work as a producer or in the production department in the film industry and I’m good at what I do. Every project I am on people are always impressed with the care and quality I put in. I have many short films which are doing well and getting into all the right festivals. Yet I’m struggling more than ever to keep my head above ground.
It’s so hard working in an industry where so many jobs are down to who you know and networking. As much as I try to extend my network I always hate having to try and instantly sell myself to people, especially when I can tell straight away that they don’t like me. Then there’s the performative nature of it - should I have to mask and try to act in a way that people may be more likely to warm to? I’m a nice person, I’m considerate and funny, but it feels like I get dismissed so easily and then feel like I have to try extra hard in impressing people which is probably just making it worse.
I don’t mean to be rude. I like to ask lots of questions so I can understand the bigger picture of things.
After a very quiet start to the year for work I had an incredibly busy summer of back to back projects and nothing since. The issue is I don’t know anyone else to reach out to, or production companies to try and get in with. When I have no work I end up incredibly anxious and feel like I could have autistic burn out.
Working in film is all I’ve ever wanted to do and I know it is hard for the whole UK industry at the moment but I don’t know how much more rejection I can take. Financially I don’t know how much longer I can try and give it a shot before giving up.

My support network, mainly my direct family members are the most helpful and the most unhelpful people, when it comes to my needs.

I know as an adult that I do have to take responsibility for myself, and I genuinely feel like I try. Sometimes my mental capacity caps, and I hit a limit, but I’m getting better at learning techniques to help my ADHD.

Over a year ago, I hit a wall. I was living abroad, and in lots of ways had a nice life but I knew that I was struggling and reached out to family. I was told that if I move back home that I would get the support I needed, and I decided to accept the help. It was a huge decision, as I had a life built abroad and I didn’t have many friends to come back home to but I knew my mental health had to be addressed.

Over the past year at home, my mental health has improved. There’s times where I struggle, but I’ve gotten better at seeing patterns and recognising when I am heading towards a burn out, or emotional dysregulation.

When I see myself heading towards burning out, I communicate it. I explain calmly, ask for a little help, or ask for an accommodation, but I don’t feel like I’m treated seriously. I am treated like I’m being really fussy, making a big deal about something, and worst of all, I’ve been accused that I’m being manipulative to get what I want. I absolutely hate being perceived wrongly, so this usually makes things much worse.

Usually, I get ignored until I am visibly doing unwell mentally and burn out. All of a sudden, everyone is there for me, understands me, and see’s my ADHD as a disability. It’s not fair, because when I get to the point of burn out, I usually need much more help than I asked for and I feel guilty.

It’s nobody see’s my warning flags, or completely invalidates my needs until I get to rock bottom. I just wish I didn’t have to go this far to feel seen.

Like I said, I know I’m an adult, but If I just got a little support often, I wouldn’t need a huge amount of help when I go down.

We often come here when we struggle and I do struggle, but I also wanted to share something good with you. Do you have something good to share, too?

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After diagnosis, I was looking back for finding out what I really enjoy. What is my special interest? Do I even have one? What did I like doing as a kid?

My parents told me I've been drawing a lot, especially in overwhelming situations. I still liked it later but the hobby has been vanishing for a while. So I tried painting and drawing again. Drawing exploded when I started drawing my emotion. Some weeks, it was the only accessible thing, because I have a little sketchbook and pencil right next to my bed. Very often, it was the only thing cutting through my confusion and the only thing I could "talk" to.

Then I found an online art buddy here on reddit ... and that gave me my idea: I was participating in an online selfhelp plattform for neurodivergents, but somehow, the prospect of talking about energy management forever wasn't appealing to me. So I wrote a note on the platform telling them I wanted to do more creative things and asking specifically for AuDHD creative people to meet.

I was very lucky and found a really nice group. First we were meeting in cafes (... I had been avoiding those for MONTHS but for my art meetup, I got up and went there ... ) but it got too noisy for us, so now we just meet in our flats. We meet every second week, tell each other what we planned to do (but I try to keep plans out of this creative space for me, I want it to be a space of play), then we draw in silence, then we show each other the pictures and talk about those. And usually, that's when more talks spin off, because now we're all calm and regulated :)

For me, this AuDHD+Art combination is absolutely brilliant. I wouldn't have been satisified with only one of those. If you have any hobby or interest (or a dead hobby), I found indulging into shared-interest-based socializing a lifeline when the talky socializing is too hard. I guess it also attracts other neurodivergents rather automatically.

I can explore my neurodivergent identity and have some sense of belonging. Interest-based socializing is usually still assessible even when I have low capacity. When one person of us is very low on capacity, we switch to online. It's extremely low pressure ... and of course great regulation.

And I can explore art, which I call my native language (someone on Reddit wrote they feel that visuals are their first language and words their second, I took over from there). I really feel at home in art, I can express myself in art, understand myself, I can create a sensory experience and change the sensory atmosphere of a room. I can create order and clarity. I have agency while also being extremely receptive and sensitive. When I understood my connection to art, it gave me a lot of confidence.

Last but not least, I wanted to thank this community. I was sharing my picture here way back in May and everbody was so interested and nice. My story will continue offline but I'm really greatful that there is this online space welcoming me even when I cannot walk away from bed. Thank you.

Can't fall asleep, can't wake up, always tired, never feel rested even after 10/12/16 hours of sleep

It's always been this way and I can't take it anymore, I don't know what to do. Ive done blood tests, all good, i dont have sleep apnea, no physical problems in generall. I don't even know anymore, ive been to cokntless doctors

I’m M46, a fellow AuDHD-haver, and I have a frustrating pattern in dating since when I first started in my late teens, which follows me to this very day: the more attracted I am to someone, the harder it becomes to actually be relaxed.

When I'm not particularly attracted to someone, I'm relaxed, funny, spontaneous and comfortable in my own skin. But when I meet someone I'm genuinely attracted to, I become tense and hyperaware of everything I say and do.

I also tend to experience attraction very intensely, very quickly. I try hard not to let that intensity dictate my behavior, but internally it can feel like a fire burning with a thousand suns.

I've spent years in therapy and working on myself. I have interests and things I'm passionate about. But romantic (as well as platonic - my intensity is likely scaring some people off) relationships remain incredibly difficult to both initiate as well as navigate.

What I want isn't particularly unusual: mutual attraction, a satisfying sex life, physical affection and someone to share everyday life with. Yet finding that seems extraordinarily difficult.

Have you managed to find a relationship with someone you're genuinely, intensely attracted to, who feels the same way about you? And if so, how did you navigate the early dating stages without either masking who you are or letting your intensity overwhelm you?

Today I got invited out to lunch by some girls in my math class, I didn’t mean to become a part of their table they all just flock around me. I do help them out sometimes and maybe that’s why they like me??

I’m just a little scared they’re being fake nice and they’re going to bully me or something at lunch. They’re all relatively popular and I’m just kind of seen as the weird autistic girl and I don’t know what this means for me.

Part of me wants to take a chance and go and another part feels like it will be bad but I tend to be inherently pessimistic and self isolating.

I finaly feel like I have a solid understanding of what it’s like for me to have ADHD and autism, I don’t usually talk about it at all but it’s not something I live to hate about myself but more so I embrace it and learn to live without worrying about it and focusing on what I want to do most.

Now from what I have looked into, adhd causes shorter attention spans, and requires more stimulating needs, meaning focusing on one thing that isn’t pumping enough dopamine makes me lose energy fast, but autism is almost the opposite, with hyper fixation on specific tasks and routines, which I still see but here’s the thing:

I usually hyper fixate on one thing for almost bursts of attention, before getting bored of it suddenly, however with enough willpower I feel I can get back into it again but usually with highly stimulating hobbies and interests it’s more successful, i mean I’m literally procrastinating doing homework right now.

However a strength that comes with this combination is that it gives me a better work ethic, as I usually don’t make the same mistake twice at work as if I hyperfixate on doing that task better, but mainly with practical tasks, which has definitely helped motivate me to improve at skateboarding, but less with chores as if I’m working, it takes so much focus to get class work done and revision and I’m hyper-fixated on playing games sometimes I have to install my own software blockers to stop my fixated self from procrastinating.

But yeah this isn’t a sympathy post, I know so many people draw the shorter straw when it comes down to mental conditions, I feel privileged to know this isn’t all I have to deal with, I’ve been learning psychology so I’ve learned about some of the most impactful mental conditions and always think how little my problems are in comparison.

But as an ending note, my main motivation is to not let it draw me back, by not limiting the choices I make due to my brain, because letting it hold me back will stop me from pushing myself forward,

just thought this would be an interesting non-scientific case study on what I deal with and what i feel relates to the mix of both conditions and again, don’t feel compelled to pity me I just feel it’s interesting how these two relatively opposing brain needs, to create a pretty unique mix in brain function. Anyway I should probably do homework now :P

I have been thinking about making this post for days, but I generally do not post online, and I have not been sure how to structure it. My apologies in advance if this gets excessively wordy.

TL;DR: diagnosed as ADHD, but something about my burnout, dissociation, and other presenting symptoms does not make sense to me, and I want to know if what I am experiencing is relatable to anyone here.

Background

A few years ago, I was diagnosed with ADHD when I really did not think I had it. Being diagnosed and beginning treatment was incredibly helpful for me, and it felt like I finally got some air after an adult life of drowning. The past couple years, however, I have been experiencing what I would ordinarily describe as DP/DR or just general dissociation, but lately I have been beginning to wonder if what I am experiencing is related to undiagnosed autism, as it feels like some things are not adding up if all I have is ADHD. I would love to hear from you whether any of this is relatable.

Some Disclaimers

The goal of this post is not to receive a diagnosis, but to get some clarity as to whether I am even on the right track by hearing from others whether they have similar experiences. I also recognize that autism is a spectrum and not some binary trait. It is precisely for these reasons that I wish to hear from others as to whether any of the below is relatable to those in this community, especially the things that I have not read or heard about in other resources related to AuDHD.

My Experience: The Present

I wake up in the morning and there are already 3-4 things going on in my mind at once. For about 2 months, I woke up with the same 5-10 seconds of a DCI drum corps show section looping in my head, and on top of that is some song I heard a few days prior, and then one or two conversations I had recently that I cannot get out of my mind. I am bilingual having acquired Japanese in adulthood, so there is a constant barrage of memes and media that fills my mind at all times.

I often have thoughts to do things that are productive, creative, or otherwise would likely be good things for me to do, but it feels like those thoughts are drowned out by all the other noise in my brain. What's more, it feels as though the motor of thought is spinning, but whatever cognitive clutch is required to turn thought into action is totally worn out, rendering all manner of thought completely unactionable.

Just about every social engagement feels like a massive burden, despite me recognizing in my head that I ought not to isolate and that I don't even necessarily dislike the people that I am to socialize with. At the same time, being around most other people makes me feel like some alien, and the people around me that are most notably neurotypical are especially difficult for me to understand. A friend or someone from church will try to share some kind of advice with me, and it genuinely feels like they're giving advice that's for some different specification of human being, so much so that it feels impossible to seriously consider anything they're saying to me.

I remember a point in time in which I had more emotions, but now I feel like I am an empty shell of my former self. It may be a strange or incredibly specific example, but in Kingdom Hearts terms, I feel like a Nobody, the shell of a person after the heart has separated from the body. Nobodies do not have hearts, but they do have memories, and therefore continue to act in ways that they remember themselves acting in the past while not actually acting from a real heart. That is how I have felt for about a couple years now.

I am experiencing burnout unlike anything I have experienced before. Everything is incredibly exhausting, especially if it feels like it demands any executive function to accomplish. I have lived on my own in Japan a couple times, and for the most part I think I did well living in a smaller space, but now that I have my own apartment in the US, it feels impossible for me to keep up with all the cleaning, organizing, or whatever else I'm convinced I'm technically supposed to be doing, and it's exhausting even thinking about the fact that I'm not accomplishing any of it.

I do not really know who I am anymore some days. There have been some days lately where I look in the mirror and do not recognize myself. I feel like I used to have some kind of framework for understanding who I am and how I fit in the world around me, but it feels like such a framework no longer exists, or is at least in shambles.

I have a very difficult time transitioning to different environments and keeping up with habits, relationships, etc., and I have been bouncing back and forth between the US and Japan for the past 4-5 years or so. It feels like I constantly and making new connections, which in a sense is thrilling but also incredibly burdensome. I have no idea how to invest in or maintain past relationships while also doing the same with present ones, and I honestly have no basis for knowing which relationships I actually value anymore. I often end up just assigning lower value to more recent relationships and more value to past ones, even if some of those past relationships feel inactive relative to more recent ones.

I think all the time now about others' sense of experience in life. A lot of the time I wonder what causes people to post things online like comments or videos. Are people just really that passionate, and I lack the passion to do such things? Was I like that back when I had more emotions? Are people just really confident? I have no idea. Thinking about it is somehow both fascinating and terrifying.

I am currently prescribed a low dose of Adderall, and I find it very helpful for managing the brain fog/noise. It almost seems to have a backwards effect on me though, where I am normally inattentive ADHD, but taking Adderall makes me feel like I turn into a hyperactive ADHD type. I become significantly more talkative, louder at times, and on good days I can sort of short-term hyperfocus on certain things.

The Past: Childhood and Adolescence

When I meet people diagnosed with autism and/or those who very strongly present as autistic, or when I read/hear about how autism often presents, it reminds me a lot of how I was as a child. I am an identical twin, and my brother and I were incredibly obsessive. Maybe this is more normal for children than I understand, but we would go through seasons of obsessing over Pokémon, then Yu-Gi-Oh!, then Duel Masters, then Sonic the Hedgehog, then Kingdom Hearts, then Legend of Zelda, Megaman, etc. until it all looped back and the cycle would start again. We would also discuss such obsessions at school as though other people knew about them, even though it seemed most people our age had little to no familiarity with most of the things that we were interested in and they certainly were not as obsessed. We were also both incredibly quiet and shy, sometimes to the point of crying if we had to speak to a stranger. It's hard to tell if it was because of a love for order/patterns or if I just felt left out, but my mother reminds me often of a time when I cried because there was no napkin in my school lunchbox.

In adolescence, we were still very quiet, but were considered academically gifted and simply "good kids." I remember not being very interested in what it seemed most kids my age were interested in, except maybe romance, although my idea of what romance ought to be was quite grand and probably seemed delusional to the girls I tried to date at that time. There was always tension in my romantic relationships, and I think much of it came from having ideas of what relationships were meant to be that did not match with reality (this could very well just be said of a neurotypical adolescent, I admit). This was true up until very recently when I started dating my current girlfriend, who makes me feel like I'm a normal person in a world where interactions with other people often make me feel like an alien.

I used to listen to music that I considered beautiful in high school, like Adagio for Strings, Air on a G String, etc., and I could just cry to the music and it was wonderful. I also experienced stronger emotions in relationships, where the highs felt incredibly high and the lows incredibly low. I was like that up until my 4th year of high school, where for seemingly no reason I started losing my emotions and experienced strong cognitive decline. I did not know the terms "dissociation" or "depersonalization/derealization," at the time, but I would experience something I called "graying out," where it felt like my sense of existence got so far separated from my physical body that I would just leave reality momentarily and then come back. Even when I came back though, it was like trying to move a marionette from a few feet away in a body of water.

My then girlfriend suggested I might be depressed, and after starting therapy, I was eventually diagnosed as having high anxiety with some level of depression and thus prescribed Sertraline (Zoloft). From there, my emotions started to return, and with it any sense of morals, beliefs, my long and short-term memory, and a drive to actually accomplish things in my life. I stayed on Sertraline for years, believing it to be necessary for me to function and possess the closest thing to a normal emotional range that I could have.

My brother and I also always had really long '80s hair up until that same period of time, just because we were so obsessed with '80s metal, but then after I started cutting my hair shorter, for some reason I started learning how to tie every kind of necktie knot, and I started wearing dress shirts with vests and ties every single day to school. It wasn't really for attention as much as it brought me some kind of comfort, and whenever I felt anxious or overstimulated in class, I would re-tie my necktie knot over and over again.

Wrapping Up

I can tell this post is a mess. I can feel my train of thought running away from me, and I am sure I did not include everything in here I wanted to include. Thank you for reading to the end.

If anything that I shared seems relatable or similar to your own experiences, I would love to hear about it. Thank you.

Guys, i'm 28M, and i 'm able to do many things super well, maybe even above average. But most things are downright impossible. Job-wise, im struggling a lot recently. I came to ask what kind of jobs you guys are up to to see if i can find something for me... My biggest struggle, as i believe many here share, is the time schedule. 8 hours a day is just impossible... I was looking for something for 4-6 hrs, especially for remote work. I dont have any specializations in technology, but i do enjoy it quite a bit and know the basics of most stuff. I really struggle to find info about this for some reason, and i really dont want to seem like i didnt try to research for it... There are some subjects that simply dont get in my head...

I kinda need this to be heard and empathized with by someone who actually understands. My last post here was about something similar: involuntarily missing something important because I simply didn't have the energy to manage everything.

I had an accident a month ago, and I've been recovering ever since.

Yesterday, I was marked as absent for physical therapy because they sent me the schedule for occupational therapy, but not physical therapy.

Then today, after how exhausting therapy was and with all the anxiety I've been dealing with, I overslept and missed my psychiatry appointment. I've been waiting for this appointment since July because the fucking doctor kept going on sick leave, and apparently, nobody can replace her.

And now that I've finally gotten an appointment, I've missed it. Again, I'm the one who has to deal with the consequences.

Somehow, it's my responsibility to keep everything organized, remember every appointment, and make everything work, even when I have too much going on and simply can't keep it all in my head. Meanwhile, for everyone else, it's just another Tuesday.

Now I have to drag myself through executive function hell all over again to reschedule everything and deal with the consequences.

And honestly, sometimes it's so fucking hard not to hate myself for struggling with things that seem so much easier for everyone else.

Maybe I've watched too many horror movies, but every single time I walk past a person when it's slightly dark out, I have to prepare myself to fight for my life. Mind you, I'm a 6'4 well built man so if anything they would be the one paranoid of me, but for some reason it seems to be the opposite.

What really inspired me to write this post was the encounter I just had. I had decided to go on a walk in the woods on my own, with it being quite dark out, and when I first entered a guy walked past me and asked for the time on my phone so I gave it to him and that was that, we walked off in opposite directions.

Seems normal right? Well for the next 30 minutes I convinced myself that by asking for the time this random man had orchestrated a plot to set up and rob me by fiest asking the time to confirm the model of phone I had and then determine if it was worth robbing in comparison to the risk (I just got a new phone so my conclusion was yes) and would then, after walking off, text a group of people he had waiting somewhere in the woods to confirm my appearance and to tell them to rob me. Mind you, this wasn't simply because it was a grown man, I get this paranoid like I said from anyone, from grown men to little old ladies. (Obviously that is irrational but then you take into account the possibility of others being involved along with weapons).

Every person I passed from then on I was prepared for them to order me to hand over my phone, pull out a weapon or just deck me in the face. After a while I actually had to turn around and walk back home out of fear. I was constantly checking behind me, especially after I walked past each person. Mind you, I live in a relatively safe area.

I've asked some of my friends before if they experience this, notably women as they would be more likely to be nervous from the fact that they are more likely to be followed, and none of them shared the sentiment. Because of this, I wondered if it was possibly due to my AuDHD, however it could also be due to anxiety, probably more likely, but still I wondered if this was common here.

I don't even know where to begin, I feel like I am breaking down. I have no ways of self regulation, all my previous methods aren't working. This maddening urge to want to do things, activities, hobbies, make friends, and the second I sit down, I don't want to play the game or watch the movie or read the book or paint the miniature.

Right now they've got me on bupropion 300mg and Clonidine 0.1mg at night. I was on adderall for a while which helped with the focus, but only in the sense of "I'm going to explode if I don't do this/get this done" which I did not feel was genuine focus. Unfortunately Xanax bars were the only thing that allowed me to really enjoy the things I enjoy, with unfortunate predictable results...

I have a paralyzing fear of trying this slew of meds, but I'm reaching this point where I don't know how much more I can continue if nothing makes me happy.

I’ve grown up knowing about ADHD and autism. And I’ve always thought either might be something I have. I notice I have many of the ways of thinking and behaviors commonly associated with them.

I have no real reason not to look into it and see if I really do. But in the same vein I don’t really have a reason to go to a professional. Even if I was diagnosed, I don’t feel it necessary to take anything to control it, I am happy with who I am. The only thing I would gain is the knowledge of why I am as I am.

I guess all I’m looking for is what I have to gain from getting a diagnosis(whether the result comes out positive or negative). Should i get tested, or just choose not to care and move on as I am?

Thanks :)

I have quite a few sounds like this myself. I'm pretty sure it's because of my adhd/possible autism. I strongly dislike whispering(especially near my ear,) people that tap their nails on things, people chewing normally and anything even remotely high pitched. I also strongly dislike the sound of our washer. I think my main problem is that my hearing is too sensitive and it causes almost a physical pain.

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Bonjour everyone

38F (late diagnosed AuDHD) going through a heavy period of unmasking and figuring out my neurodivergent nervous system. I wanted to ask a simple question about something I experience:

Lately, on mornings when I wake up, my nervous system actually feels super raw and fragile. My brain feels foggy, like there's a storm inside, and I feel completely lost and disoriented—to the point where I need my Loop earplugs just to feel safe.

Ex. This morning I was like that. I made a cappuccino and tried to focus on something comforting, and staying busy with a small task (like figuring out my broken remote) slowly pulled me out of that morning fog. (Last night I took Mirtazapine for sleep)

Does anyone else experience this kind of rough, disoriented waking state? How do you handle it or calm your system down? I’m just trying to understand myself better.

Merci

Hello hello,

Ive (30 M) been diagnosed with ADHD a long time ago (+8 years ago around my 20s) and about a year ago diagnosed with Autism.

I had a major Breakthrough in therapy dealing with issues stemming from growing up with emotionally immature parents. I had realized that i had suppressed my true self. Recently i think i managed to make "contact" with this true self.

This was amazing. I managed to sort of open up a valve and grief things that i didnt even realize where deeply hurtful to me.

But now a couple days later. I feel constantly tired. Social Interactions are confusing suddenly. I feel anxious. My masking has also changed . I'm having difficulty keeping control if that makes sense.

This is a really exciting time but im really afraid because of how things have been going. I sometimes feel like everything is suddenly uncertain and it is kinda scary.

Im just hoping to be seen. Anyone also dealt with similar stuff? What has your experience been with AuDHD + growing up with emotionally immature parents?

The idea can be crystal clear in my head but when it comes to expressing it, I do a poor job. People misunderstand what I mean which can be really frustrating due to this.

I don't know how to improve this. I don't think intelligence is the issue since I have taken IQ tests before and scored well. I am stronger when it comes to analytical thinking but not as strong when it comes to verbal expression, vocabulary or putting my thoughts into words. Like if you gave me a visual pizzule without words, I would instantly solve it but if someone asks how I reached there, I would struggle to explain the logic properly.

Hello everyone.

I've recently been having problems with "thinking" if that makes sense, not AT thinking, but how it is that my brain thinks, it dosen't think in thougths, but it also does, is like a spark that goes from one dot to another (if we understand each dot as a concept or an idea), and it's going too fast for my liking, but I'm not here to fix that yet, I just want to undestand how it is that my fellow AuDHDers understand their brain, for information and so I can more or less have a better framework about how thinking is supposed to work

Thanks in advance, have a great day

I’ve been sick for a long time and it’s been getting worse and recently lost my daughter.

I battle with grieving the life I wanted to live and adjusting to my reality of being disabled and unable to work enough to meet my own financial needs.

Disability is not enough to live on and I am currently in the shelter system and really struggling with quality of life here.

I told my friend I was feeling interested in finding out more about MAID (medically assisted death) as I don’t see my life getting better with systemic limitations and my own personal limitations.

“I’ve seen you work before and maintain a beautiful life. I know working sucks and having a schedule to adhere to sucks but that’s being an adult.

Time will not stop ticking, before you know it you will be there already a year without any improvement and god knows what other horrific experiences richer.. you have to do something about it, you are the only one that can change the paths of your life. Not the government, not your family/friends.. but you.

And you saying this makes me angry. You have been through so much. And this is how you want to leave the world? Living in a shelter where you don’t belong? I’m sorry but you are way too good for that and you’re choosing this life.

And working for minimum wage sucks, it's horrible... but it's a 10000 times better than being stuck in a shelter with all th stories you told me. You start from the bottom and you work your way up, it's horrible that life is like that.. but it is. It just is, and there is nothing you can do that Is going to change that. You will not be able to beat that system. And for your own sake; If you can't beat them, join them. And later on, when you grow and start making more money, you will be able to do things you love to do, to travel, to give back to the community”

They think it’s a personal failing and a matter of desire and will power. Completely invalidating my disability etc etc etc.

Before any more judgment…I’m sober…educated and all that. I did all the “things” and I’m still sick

(people who struggling with substance abuse etc STILL DESERVE to be housed).

This year has been the worst year of my life by far. I am 36M autistic, and my 37th birthday is on next Saturday, 11 days from now. For the latter half of this year I have been wracked with constant SI.

This week I did light SH on my arms for the first time. Not sure how to feel except hopelessness

I’m not sure if this is just something that I do, or if it’s tied to neurodivergence. Basically, I will keep some of my favorite things on hand (juice, chai concentrate, a current activity I enjoy doing, a favorite song, or a favorite show) and then if I have a rough day, it serves as a pick-me-up, and if I’ve had a really good day and I was productive, I’ll allow myself to have some more free time. Things like that, I guess.

My friend and I were talking about this, and she said she felt like she didn’t understand the purpose if I gave it to myself on good and bad days. For me, it’s more so, something routine that I enjoy, and it allows me to take some time and calm down, or celebrate myself and my achievements / remember that I’m doing my best and that’s what matters. I don’t really limit myself, I suppose, it’s more so just that the thought process changes from “I’m thirsty so, I’m drinking some juice” to, “I did my best today despite it all so, I deserve a little treat for myself”.