I work in for a bootstrapped tech start up. We have no HR. The CEO is HR. Reminder, HR is there to protect the company from lawsuits, not the employees, so welp... here I go.

All of the exec team aside from myself are men. I'm a hiring manager and found a very experienced woman that is well qualified for the position. I asked to extend the offer to her today. My Manager (a man) interviewed her today and thought she was an outstanding fit. The only downside he said was that she had "she/her" in the LinkedIn profile. He said that it comes across as virtue signaling and he'd prefer it to go away and for me to ask that of her because our demographic of customers will not like to see that.

I didn't respond and ignored, thinking, I'll wait until my CEO chimes in with some reason. Nope. He added fuel to the fire and said "We do not need this thinking here. We cannot make her take that off LI, but it does not belong in any place within our company."

Ok, now that I've taken some screenshots of this am I overreacting here? I'm not, right? Am I gaslighting myself? Am I crazy now? I just keep adding up my list of things that have been verbally said to me about women. I cannot quit. I want to quit, but I cannot yet. I want to quit. Please lawd, help me suddenly come into money to help me quit.

Well, ladies, it's me again. Back with another post about this fucking PIP.

I'm currently sitting in a focus room at work having a legitimate panic attack because I genuinely don't know where I stand anymore.

I'm a developer whose background is primarily web development. I was hired into a position where I'm now dealing with infrastructure, Kubernetes, Go, identity management, and internal APIs that I'm still trying to learn.

I've been here for barely over a month, and I'm already on a PIP.

And here's the thing: I'm fucking trying.

I'm asking questions. I'm submitting PRs. I'm requesting more work when I'm blocked. I'm trying to understand unfamiliar systems. I'm following up with people when I need clarification.

But I keep running into situations where I don't have the documentation, permissions, or technical context to move forward. And every time I think I've finally figured out what I'm supposed to do, there's another obstacle.

Do you think I want to be stuck on the same ticket? Do you think it doesn't drive me absolutely insane that I can't finish something I'm desperately trying to finish?

My PIP evaluation is tomorrow.

I asked my manager whether I'm on track to pass, and instead of answering, he asked me whether I think I'm on track.

I DON'T KNOW. THAT'S WHY I'M ASKING.

I know I'm trying. I know I'm making progress. But I genuinely cannot tell whether it's enough.

At this point, I almost wish they'd just rip the Band-Aid off and tell me I'm failing if that's what they've already decided.

I don't want to lose my paycheck. I want to keep working while I look for something that's a better fit, and leave on my own terms.

But the uncertainty is absolutely destroying me.

I'm literally hiding in a focus room trying not to cry at work because I feel like I'm watching myself fall in slow motion, and I can't do anything to stop it.

I don't even know what advice I'm looking for. I think I just needed to tell people who might understand what this feels like.

Hi everyone! Just wanted to share some good news despite everything going on rn - I'm planning to organize the biggest high school girls hackathon ever in San Francisco mid November, 20th-22nd.

It's called Snowglobe, and it's at Notion's headquarters! If yall know any high schoolers that might be interested, or mentors in the area, please let me know! I want this to be a super special opportunity for girls to be themselves as computer scientists.

Hi everyone,

I’m seeking advice on next steps. I got to the final stage of the interview process for a tech policy role at one of the major AI labs. I was ultimately rejected from the role due to my lack of understanding of a very specific aspect of AI technology (one that is not relevant to either law or policy today).

I can’t know for sure but I have a very good sense of who said “no” to my candidacy. It was a researcher/engineer as well as a recent policy hire, both men. When I tell you that these two interviews were obvious examples of bias, I can’t even begin to describe. One of the men, for example, refused to turn his camera on for my entire interview. The other one asked questions that I could tell were meant to find a reason why not to hire me. In the end, they hired their mutual friend, so the boys club continues.

I usually have let this type of thing slide but I’m having a really hard time this last time, particularly because I was qualified for the role, and none of my qualifications seemed to matter to these interviewers. I have a law degree and work as an AI attorney, and my degree is from one of the top ivy law schools in the country. To be disqualified for “technical acuity” is not only an insult but a total misrepresentation of my skillset. On top of it all, I have six years in product management experience, which neither of the men seemed to ask about or care about. In short, the interviews felt biased and awful.

I’ve scraped and climbed to get to this point in my career. I am not a generational wealth person, and grew up in an abusive home that I fought hard to get out of. I went to an Ivy undergrad from a public school and have spent countless nights not sleeping to make sure I could make it. This was my golden ticket and a huge opportunity and I’m so incredibly upset that gender bias stood in my way.

I’m curious if I should write the recruiter to explain my position. Or simply let it go. I’ve sat with it for months and it keeps me awake at night to know that my hard work was overlooked and dismissed and I don’t want it to happen to another woman at this company.

I’m 12 weeks pregnant, I’ve been working hard for a promotion hoping I could land it before going on a long leave but unfortunately it’s looking like my promotion will be denied. The reasons are honestly political since I had peer feedback from all the directors I worked with being supportive. My skip manager gave me feedback on how I can improve for the next cycle because he thinks I’m on the trajectory with my “stellar feedback” and the work I’ve done. But I’m jaded and I truly don’t think these people have my back. My manager is great though and he’s been very supportive throughout this process (he seemed to not agree with the feedback from the promo committee). I want to quit because I’m very demotivated right now but I’ve been here long enough that it seems like the less stressful option while I’m pregnant compared to starting somewhere new now. However I don’t know how to get myself to care when I know I’m working hard for a team that isn’t going to reward me for it. I feel stuck. Any advice is appreciated!

I’ve never had a job where the leadership was this dysfunctional. I’m a Director at my organization and these people seem a bit unhinged and sexist. I want out but I haven’t even met anyone trustworthy enough to give me a good reference. I took this job since I was desperate to work remote since I was about to give birth. My baby is a toddler now and I’m starting to get much more clear about the dysfunction here.

Any advice on the best way to make my next move?

Please go check out our new Sister Sub, r/BlackWomenofTech!

Representation in this field is still far too thin, and having a place to find each other matters. Fellow WomenInTech member u/Acrobatic-Prior-6156 is building a supportive space there for networking, sharing wins, and swapping advice. They are keeping it a well-moderated, welcoming community. Welcome sisters!

I’ve been working for the company for a couple of years now. I absolutely love my job and the team that I’m on.

Recently, a new hire started who has been assigned as a lead for to me. At first I was apprehensive because I genuinely love the director but I’ve tried to be open minded.

Unfortunately this person is a train wreck in the role. It’s been months and there is still no more that is being helped than at the beginning. I know from what I am seeing the whole team is burned out trying to train her on things we’ve all repeatedly told her are not necessary and the same meetings are happening with multiple people each week (literally I’ll get on a call with her about a task and she tells me an hour in that another person on the team did it with her earlier). There is nothing done independently and every single meeting ends up taking 3X longer because nothing stays on track. Now, to make it even worse she’s slightly micromanaging us with communication because it’s the only thing she does independently.

I had talked to the director a month ago expressing that I’m really struggling. That I’m doing the same couple of training sessions and getting the same questions every day. What I got was essentially that she (and everyone else) are having the same issue with this hire. She told me that I have her permission to say no and that she herself has been trying to make her float on her own. But it’s not working well on my end as no matter how many times I push I am still in the same place with her that I was then.

What in the world can I do? Literally anyone on my team no matter how junior would be up to speed and ahead at this point (which I know because we are all doing her work now). Is it appropriate for me to go back to my former manager -still my director - and bring this up again? What do I even say? All of us are struggling to be productive and I’ve been avoiding the lead as much as possible because if I have to host another session of the same training again I’m going to jump off a cliff. She’s perfectly nice and I don’t want to cause a problem but I can’t keep doing her work, my work, and managing her. Not to mention that this is happening with at least two other people on the team.

And my little vent: I don’t do well with indecisive people or people who don’t speak with a certain amount of conviction. That’s definitely exasperating this because I can’t tell you how many damn times I’ve heard “I don’t know what I don’t know” or “I, I just have, I just have a question” in the middle of a presentation. She’s genuinely a nice and fun person, we have a lot in common but this is -as my mom would say- getting me a fast track to Sainthood

Someone mentioned to me about how the job market seemed clogged with terrible companies and it stuck with me. Obviously, if there is another, better job available, hop onto it. Personally I would love to join public service if the opportunity arose.

But what do you do, when you're still in the job search phase of blasting out your resume and interviewing, but you're just not landing the good (or at least the non-evil) gig, or when you're already at an evil giant but haven't had the opportunity to leave? What do you do during that "meantime" to stay sane, while you're collecting the checks to pay for rent and food, from said evil corporation? Do you organize people there around something, so it gets a little less evil? Or do you funnel small tidbits of information to coworkers, so that they can better protect themselves?

Have any female founders completed their post incorporation documentation, and under the vesting provision added a Single-Trigger, Partial Vesting Acceleration upon a Qualifying Termination (Termination without Cause or Resignation for Good Reason) - I understand that double trigger acceleration language is the norm/standard - but I have read that it is fairly common for founders to get pushed out of their companies before their equity vests - and that could mean years of work with the risk of losing unvested equity - thinking this could be more probable if you are a woman. Anyone changed the language in their post incorporation documentation vesting provision to account for this?

The original post content no longer exists here. The author used Redact to remove it, exercising their right to control their data & privacy.

Summer simplistic historical soup acorn bike orange office

(Wish I could choose two flairs as this is career advice seeking but I used Pregnancy flair just in case some folks would prefer to avoid the topic and I want to be mindful of that)

Hi everyone,

Really enjoy this sub as it's a wealth of info and experience. Hoping you can help me with your collective wisdom.

Background: my husband and I are TTC, only a few months and I know it can take time. My role in my company (Big Tech) recently adjusted scope-wise and it doesn't suit me for my plans/WLB (longer, later hours) with other regions. The flexibility I had is somewhat gone.

Current situation:

A role in my partner team locally is potentially coming up and I want to go for it, but I'm being a bit hesitant because I keep thinking "Oh well if I am successful TTC I will go on mat leave and it's unfair to the new team taking a chance on me" or "My current team has said they don't want me to leave" etc. It'd be a good move and I feel like while I was comfortable in my current role, I don't see it lasting long term.

I know logically that people have kids and things happen but I have trouble with taking up space and being unapologetic about making decisions to suit my life vs the team/company.

Long term I'm not sure my current role is safe (though they have tried to assure me otherwise) and I just want to be a person who chooses herself for once without thinking about the list of ifs what's and buts that come up.

Anyway if anyone has any tips for me on how to let go of the anxiety around asking for things I want without fear of rejection, about making moves without worrying about people's feelings and what my team will think of me, or just any pearls of wisdom/reassurance that this actually isn't a big deal and everyone does it at some stage in their career and the world didn't end... Might just reduce the knot of worry I have in my gut.

Thank you!

I’m 15 years into my career. I work in FAANG and the culture that is left after so many layoffs is abysmal. Many people who have survived are toxic, bullies, ready to throw you under the bus. Before I could handle these folks because there were enough good ones to buffer the bad, but now I feel like I’ve hit my limit after all my kind coworkers have slowly disappeared via layoffs. I’ve never gone to HR in my career, but feeling ready.

I have a peer who is a known bully at work. I know of 4 separate incidents of them making someone cry. They are condescending, rude, and clearly choose favorites. If she doesn’t like you, you’re treated like shit. I know for a fact this person (who is quite senior) often goes above people’s managers to complain when they think they aren’t doing a good enough job. Has told people in the office “I can get anyone fired”. She creates a culture of fear around her.

I’ve worked with this person on and off for years but suddenly we’re on a close project and the bullying is out full force. And honestly, I have no more patience for this work culture that allows this behavior. Many people have complained about her over the years. Yet the behavior continues. Everyday I’m dealing with this person continually demeaning and berating me.

I know HR usually doesn’t do much - but I almost feel that out of principle I’m ready to report her and all of the stories other people have told me in confidence. She needs to be held accountable for her behavior.

Have you gone to HR for something similar before and did you see real accountability? Or did this simply blow up in your face? This person is pretty good about teetering the line, so while many people can speak to her toxic behavior, I worry what I might report feels too much like “emotions” or “reading things the wrong way”.

Appreciate anyone’s first hand experience. I’m so so sick of being treated like shit from jerks at work.

Please go check out our new Sister Sub, r/sciencememes ! This is not a female-exclusive space but is run by women and relevant to our members.

Let’s be honest, we could all use a laugh. Fellow WomenInTech u/Royal_Acanthaceae693 is curating a great space and personally pledges to drop-kick anyone who causes a problem. Welcome sisters!

Hi everyone! I want to ask how people managed to go from a swe to a senior swe?

This is something that I'm aware I'm bad with but every time I have a 1:1 with my manager we just talk about the work I'm doing. I don't know how to explicitly say "Hey, I'd like to get promoted." We had this conversation once and I'm not sure if I should bring it up every time? He said I need to do work that impacts other teams as well and not just my own, but how do I do that? I do the work I'm assigned, and that does include leading/owning projects end to end.

I'm doing the exact same work as everyone else on my team, I don't see them reaching out for external impact and yet everyone else is a senior.

We have a promotion cycle coming up in January/February but my manager has not said anything about putting me up for promotion then, I think I'd have to wait a full year for the next round.

Any thoughts or advice (or links to relevant resources) would be appreciated!

This LinkedIn post was forwarded to me by a friend. I don't know if I am too jaded or get triggered too easily. The poster is a VP at a decent-sized technology company. But I read this as "As a man and as someone who has 2 daughters, one wife and even a mother, I understand all women's (career) challenges, and if the women on LinkedIn can line up, I will pick a selected few to impart my wisdom on how these challenges can be overcome. Also, if you are a woman leader with maybe some ideas about this, talk to me so I can judge if you are good enough to join me when I impart such wisdom to the chosen few". There are two other men who have commented on how this post shows his "greatness". Do you all feel the same sense of indignation that I do? Or should I just think of him as an ally since he at least seems to be trying to help?

Hi ladies! Since I started applying for new roles, I’ve been bombarded with LinkedIn messages that initially sound like job opportunities, but turn out to be pitches for career coaching. A lot of them talk about helping you land $200k+ roles.
Their packages include LinkedIn profile updates, resume help, mock interviews, and guidance on reaching out to recruiters and hiring managers. Prices seem to start at thousands of dollar, which is a pretty big investment.
Has anyone here used one of these services and had a good experience? Did it actually help you land a better role, increase your salary, or feel more prepared for interviews?
I’m open to investing in myself, but I’d love to hear honest experiences beyond the testimonials they share. What made it worth it—or what do you wish you’d known before signing up?

I'm on the dev team of a media company. My management has gone all in on AI. At this point, I am literally being told "stop reading the code so much, just trust the AI." I don't remember the last time I wrote code by hand for work. All our apps are more vibe coded than engineered at this point. Our boss has rewritten all our infrastructure and deployment stuff by vibing, everything runs off of CI/CD and CLIs and panels he "built."

Now, I'm not a total hater. I don't want to come at this from an angle that human coding is so precious it cannot possibly be replaced. The tech *has* gotten far far better than a year ago. My bigger concern is: we don't own anything we've made now. No one understands anything on a deep level, and everything is fully reliant on AI

And the real downside here become apparent the other week when OpenAI slashed their Max plan, what we use, in half. All of a sudden, they were able to just decide that our money gets us less. I'm now having to be far more judicious on which model and reasoning to use for what task. It now really feels like 6.0 is incredibly powerful, but shreds usage, and 6.1 is fine but takes FOREVER.

In the short term there's Claude right? We can hop from service to service. But it occurs to me, what happens when the subsidies are over? What happens to our team when these tools aren't as absurdly cheap? All our code is AI slop no human could possibly maintain. We are now effectively renting this entire arm of the business from OpenAI and Anthropic, and they are able to change the terms. It's like Lyft and Uber or Netflix: we're already used to the convenience, what are we gonna do leave? But for a load bearing part of the company.

Now there are local models. Maybe I'm naive. But I can't help but feel most companies are not going to do that. There's simply no way our company is going to go in on investing thousands and thousands in hardware for local models, at least. Not one big setup centralized, certainly not bespoke hardware.

I would think the far more likely solution is smaller providers, but with as much hardware and compute being tied up by the big players, I don't quite see a path to that. And when we are renting this arm of our business, why not actually outsource properly with contracts and service agreements? OpenAI and Anthropic don't owe us anything if they fuck up our whole operation.

And granted these AI companies could figure out how to make things more efficient, but based on everything we know of the major players, they do not appear on a path to profitability. So while they will do things for PR like increase usage limits, they are only incentized to jack prices up and cut service long term.

The argument that AI can produce code faster is inarguable, often with a high bar of quality if given proper instructions. But it's not code anyone understands or owns. If something goes wrong, the most anyone can give is a shrug and a "I'll ask claude."

Is code just going to become such a nonissue its like paying for water? That seems incredibly unlikely right?

It feels like we are backing into a corner, and management is all in. Where the hell is all of this going? What am I missing?

Hi everyone I (19F) am studying business information systems and I am doing some research on challenges that women may face in the technology field.

I live near Anaheim and am so disappointed that GHC was cancelled this year, but I understand it’s had its issues for a while. Maybe now’s the time to share conferences that are better managed and safer than GHC, ideally ones where women don’t have to worry about being shoved around by men pretending to be allies.

Please comment some recommendations, where they’re located, when, and what you liked about them!

I’ve been looking for a new operations focused role for over 8 months (with breaks for mental health and summer with the family) and came across a comment in this group that suggested joining a job search council with Never Search Alone. https://www.neversearchalone.org/join-jsc

I was matched with a group of 5 peers also searching and am thankful for the frameworks, perspective and support of the council and we’re only in our second week. I’m feeling more energized and hopeful than I have in a while.

If you’re casually searching or currently unemployed, I highly recommend checking it out - it’s free and a resource that I wish I had known about years ago.

Huge thank you those that suggested the group!

Years ago my mentor made an unsolicited suggestive remark in our one-to-one ("I don't know about you, but on my wedding day I knew I didn't want to be with only one person"). I calmly changed the subject, decided it wasn't worth following up on, and let it go figuring he made a dumb mistake.
The next day I took an early lunch to go to the onsite gym.
When I returned to my desk, he asked me to visit his cubicle. I did, and he was all in a panic with a "I'm shitting my diaper" face and said to me "Where were you?!"
I was annoyed that he was so freaked out by my whereabouts and calmly replied, "Oh, just in the building..". But he was all twisted up and repeated the question. So I repeated my answer more firmly "In-the-building."
About an hour later I get an e-mail from him, cc'd to our director, in which he's requesting mediation due to "an uncomfortable dynamic".
Hmm, wow. So, being the apparently only adult in the situation, I asked him if he'd like to have a chat. We went into a meeting room, I kindly calmly explained that we don't need mediation, everything's fine, I was in the gym, etc. I did not reference the root cause of all this, as I didn't want to make anything worse. And so we agreed to carry on.
I was still concerned about possibly needing to do damage control with the director, though. So a day or whatever later I stopped in to director's office to chat. Again I did not want to mention the root cause of all the bullshit, because I believe I would have destroyed my own reputation. So I abstracted it: "Yeah, this is that old chestnut where Person A oversteps a boundary, Person B stands up for themself, and Person A can't handle it"
To which the director scolded "Well, he's sensitive to that."
I was like "Right. Okay. I'll handle him with kid gloves" and I smiled and walked out.

The mentor in question seems to have self-esteem issues, but who am I to analyze. He gets coddled by everyone bc apparently he's just so much smarter than us all.

I just wanted to illustrate how shit can go south for women even when you "go along".

I have many more stories involving the archetypal insecure male fucking up my work life..........................................

Hi everyone I'm doing a story for university assignment about women from rural areas who made it in Tech! I'm looking for any stories you want to share or talk about!! DM me or share here. I'm starting out as a south Asian woman in Tech myself from Himalayan region. I'd love to know your stories