For the longest time I thought I was intellectually challenged or had some sort of medical problem but it was anxiety all along. My brain just feels so foggy whenever I talk to people. I blank out and stay silent until people eventually stop talking to me.

I hate not being able to answer questions people ask me, it’s like I just forget everything I’ve learned and experienced in that exact moment. I know I’m capable to answer but it feels like I need to have a script for every interaction I have. I hate not being able to stand up for myself when people disrespect me. And thinking of all the ways I could’ve responded later at night. I hate always messing up interviews and presentations because my brain blanks out and makes me look stupid in front of everyone.

Even when I do try to talk, everything just comes out in a jumbled mess. I sound so incoherent and when people look confused I feel more discouraged to even try. I’m so jealous of people who can talk so naturally and come up with things on the spot. I feel like I’ll never reach that state no matter how hard I try.

a girl working at the ice cream place said she liked my resident evil shirt and asked if i ever played the games . i said yeah and the next question she asked i couldnt hear a word she said and i asked her to repeat herself and again couldnt hear a fucking word in that loud ass place. so i just smiled and said oh yeah …. so awkward 😔💀 she probably thought i was weird & regretted asking me anything.. i used to not even be able to order my own food a few years ago, so im glad im able do that now but my social skills still just suck. how am i almost 30 & STILL like this. it’s embarrassing honestly

edit: lol my fault for thinking this sub would be supportive at all. guess i’ll go fuck myself.

edit 2: im kind of dramatic

As a 27 year-old socially-anxious NEET/Hikikomori, I've pretty much accepted that that my social anxiety will never go away, so instead I endlessly cope by fantasizing about being rich, powerful, popular, etc. (Listening to music helps for this). I also have various "waifus" who I like to imagine romantic moments with.

As ironic as it sounds, sometimes one must succumb to madness in order to stay sane.

Hey there,

Is anyone aged 30 - 45ish (i'm 35) interested in occasionally chatting on here via private message/chat? Just to share the day to day struggles and feeling less alone ideally... or talk about other interests etc..

A little about me: Ive been living quite an isolated life (again), especially after the end of my last relationship several years ago. I was diagnosed with avpd and social anxiety (and other anxiety disorders too lol, lucky me).

i love reading, music, cinema, thinking about the meaning and the state of things, nature, animals, art....

I like people who think critically, are unconventional, open-minded and dont think in rigid categories, but rather abstractly and creatively.

Happy to hear from someone maybe :)

Anna

I want to go on vacation but I’ll probably have to go alone and I kinda want to But then I start getting anxious thinking about being alone and how weird it’ll be eating alone etc. . Curious to know if any of you traveled alone somewhere

**rant into the void**

I was on the shuttle to the parking lot when i overheard my coworkers talking, my airpods died and i was tired so i was leaning over my backpack like i was sleeping. While i was zoning out half asleep i heard one of my co-workers talk about a situation that happened earlier that morning. She had came up to me and said hi, and i said hi back but immediately went onto my phone and awkwardly sat there and waited for her to leave. idk why i did that, in the moment i just felt anxious and I didn't want to talk so i just did, that.

This is not me trying to defend myself, i feel like a total dickhead. They also talked about some other situations that were awkward and i think they mentioned my overall just weird mood that ive been in the past 2 weeks. I was doing better, talking to people more and forcing myself to put myself out there, the last 2 weeks have been a complete 180 though and people are starting to notice. I feel like i make people uncomfortable, i feel tense anytime someone looks at me and although im overthinking literally all the time i suddenly stop whenever someone talks to me and i think its very noticable. Im just tired of bouncing between desperately trying to talk to people to no avail to becoming completely distant and cold. I feel like a pathetic loser and an asshole. I'm tired of making people feel uncomfortable because im uncomfortable.

Do anybody feel this too?

Somethings, like people talk behind your back, classmate bullies you. You know that it's okay/or that they are wrong and you should ignore them. But yet, it still feel shit anyway even though knowing the fact that it's ok. It's like my logic and facts are constantly fighting with the emotions that I have. I don't know how to make my logic and emotion can cooperate, if that make sense

Hello,

I have been wanting to chat with somebody about our mutual experience with social anxiety. Today was particularly rough for me, which was my prompt to ask this subreddit. I want to hear about your experiences and share mine as well.

If anybody is interested, send a comment over. Thank you

For context before leaving my home I was feeling extremely nervous. I kept putting off going to the post office for months now. I finally decided to go and send off my mail.

I first stopped at my local photo shop to print out documents and make copies, my hands were shaking, everything I had organized before leaving the house suddenly became a disaster to find. I kept my cool and decided to take everything out on the desk. Mind you I did stepped on a lady foot and didn’t apologize. Not because I was rude, because I was too nervous while finding my documents.

Then I decided to stop at my new rent office to give them documents. I had to take a bus there, thankfully it was express 1 stop.
Normally is not that intense but I decided to go up on my medication which really made me more anxious. I even told a guy who was tall, dark, and handsome that he was handsome. Yes even my daughter was shocked while we were on the phone. She was like “did you really just say that mom”?. Anyways the post office guy had headphones in when I made the comment. He didn’t say thank you. I felt so embarrassed at the same time ok.

When I got home I said wow Samantha you did it, my heart was still beating when I got home. It just seemed so unreal I was even able to get some sun while walking here in NY. The only time I do go out is to work. When the weekends come and the weather is nice I dread in bed and stay home. I know I would never fully be healed from this but it was very fulfilling to accomplish my to do list today. I had an ok morning, better afternoon, painful evening my finger nearly got torn off by my fan. I am currently bleeding and taking care of it, as I have to return to work tomorrow. I even got my nails done and feet done I forgot that part. It wasn’t a perfect day but definitely a successful day.

Like oh my days its 7 AM in the morning im taking a bus to my school, full buss full of people, whatever, i dont have nowhere to sit, im SCARED but LITERALLY scared to talk in the bus with full people, scared to move or just do anything, why does it happennn why cant i just be normal? :(

Next, im sooo fucking scared to eat in public near people, in class too obviously, when i get here at 7:10 and then have to wait 50 minutes for class to start i usually eat something before someone comes, and as soon as someone enters the classroom i just hide it and i just dont knowww its not ONLY the eating, i just cant do anything near people, PE is the worst.

also im 16, a LOT of other boys have GFs and stuff at my age, i never had one and im ALWAYS targetted by my "friends" and made fun of new people as well, been told others to NOT talk to me and stuff because im "weird" and all my friends said was "omgg it was just a joke calm down" like what? youre literally talking about me like i was a human with no feelings?

I dont have anyoneee to tell this and i dont even know who could possibly reply to this with something that would boost my mind, like, fuck those people i hate every single one of them, and its my fault as well, apologizing for my english

recently got into a new hobby group. We get out pretty late and not all of us have cars. We just met for the first time yesterday and all was good. Started talking to this girl who was sat next to me and we sort of hit it off. I guess I would characterize myself as a bit of an avoidant so I’m always intentionally trying to make a connection and show my friendliness when I know I can’t maintain it. Maybe to a fault. today after we broke for the night I was coming out of the parking lot and saw her walking. Part of me wanted to offer a ride and part of me didn’t and I didn’t fully understand the part of me that didn’t and so I offered and then she told me she was going to a city that I’ve never driven in really, and then I think”what if she always wants a ride after this,” and “What if I get into an accident,” and I immediately back out and make the excuse that I’m going in the other direction even though that happened to not be the case. I pulled away feeling like a complete shit even though she was super friendly about it and so was I, but that doesn’t stop the feeling. I can’t shake it. I know my worth isn’t in what I can offer people but on an intrinsic level it feels like I failed the first test of being a good friend. It doesn’t help that I’m already having a hard time navigating office social norms in my new 9 to 5 where I feel like a square trying to fit into a circle space. I don’t know how to maintain friendships or feel like I’m not bugging people. With this girl, I don’t know how to make it right or if there’s even anything to make right, except with myself. is it shame? Is it fear of looking dumb? Why do I even invite the situation onto myself. I looked crazier and more rude than if I had just driven past. My lexapro obviously hasn’t kicked in.

Yeah. I’m tired. I’m tired of pretending I don’t need people. I need people who is similar and socially anxious/awkward like me. I’m 26 year old from Kerala. Anyone here. Let’s chat.

I've been told by close friends that my eye contact is off putting because my eyes are so wide and look so panicked. This of course is because I have social anxiety and am very rarely relaxed in any social setting. I think this might explain why a lot of people are hesitant to be friends with me. Does anyone else experience this and any recommendations to soften my gaze?

It genuinely hurts having to deal with this in every second of existence. I don't know how people are able to open themselves up to others, I don't know how people are able to form friendships or connections that actually mean something.

I've always been sort of isolated. Didn't have much friends and I basically only talk when spoken to. I've had a few chances to make friends or join a group, but my mind just never registers the fact that I might be wanted.

I do not like going outside. It's not from fear, but I have never had fun being outside. When I'm outside I'm constantly working at 2x, trying to act normal. The same is true with human interaction, I can never relax, I can never truly enjoy the company of someone because my mind is working over time to make the experience decent for them.

It's tiring. And I'm not even sure i want to have those relationships at this point. I guess I've gotten used to spending time by myself and on my own. I still want to be decent at socializing. I'll be starting a new job in a few months hopefully, so I'm hoping that will help me, but, I think I am no longer striving for the day I can feel what it's like to hang out with a group of friends.

like the title says , im trying but not improving all that much. i unfortunately picked a very client facing career field (currently trying to move into the more admin side of things) and while i do love what i do, i feel ashamed at the same time. i talk with clients weekly and they open up to me but i also overthink so much of what im saying. the social anxiety is better than what it used to be because with this job + some efforts to talk to more people i can hold a conversation, but i still overthink every interaction so much. i feel the urge to “grade” myself on how i did at the end which can cause spirals sometimes.

still gonna keep trying because i have to with this job and i really would like to not be like this anymore but its hard.

I’m 26 year old. I’m just tired of this. I need people but due to my anxiety I’m just not able to interact and connect with them. Life is just passing by and I’m getting older. I wanna find people like me. Anyone like me. I’m from Kerala btw. Residing in Bengaluru

I know the question sounds weird and no one likes being laughed at. Is ruminating about the incident and how others saw him in that moment a sign of social anxiety?

I really tried to do my best, I'd work overtime, come in on just a 20 minute head up, clean, help my coworkers who were struggling, offered to cover their shift even tho I'm really busy with school and moving because I wanted them to enjoy the state fair.
But today | got demeaned by a woman I never saw when I went to get boxes I was told were okay to take for moving. I did a last minute shift last night since | knew they were struggling even though I finished a four hour photoshoot when they called me and I haven't gotten a full nights sleep in over a week from all the packing. They talked to me with so much disgust, I texted my manager that I resign. I really try to help and to talked to so meanly hurts. Had to sit in my car for half an hour to calm down
Just took four painquils at home, but just sad that no matter how much I try I'm talked to with disgust. Don’t wanna keep doing this

I try to smile a lot and am nice to people, even though I don’t talk much. I don’t want to say most, but many people tend to shine a light on the fact that I’m a bit different in a way that feels vindictive and mean.

Just a random thought, but when I come into contact with someone who might have a disorder of some kind, or maybe they’re an outcast, as long as they don’t mean any harm, I always try to treat them like I would treat literally anyone else, as if there were nothing at all wrong with them. And they always seem grateful.

My question is: how is that not just the standard protocol for interacting with people? If I saw someone with two prosthetic legs I would NEVER be like “heh you walk funny what the hell’s the matter with you?” Because that would be mean!

I’m 63 years old and have had SA of varying severity since I was 20. During the mild times, I managed to have a job and family but since around 45 years old, around this time of year I find myself getting a bit down and melancholic. I don’t tend to go out much if it involves crowds or travelling on public transport. I’m fine with shopping because you can escape a certain area but when you’re confined, it feels different.

I have to travel to London next week to apply for an official document and I’m finding myself dreading the experience, even though I know it will be fine. Monotonous and dull but fine.

Winter seems to make things a lot worse. I hate Christmas with a vengeance and I can’t stand the ritualistic nature of following societal and social expectations. Everywhere I look, I’m reminded of the dirge and misery of this time of year. Mistletoe and Christmas decorations in September? What’s the world coming to?

I could quite easily force myself to go out and get used to being with people in a non-communicative situation but I just don’t. I’ve got too used to my routine.

Has anyone managed to snap themselves out of this winter mindset and this desire to be alone?

I have social anxiety and people I regularly see try to talk with me but I suck so bad at talking with them that I come off as rude sometimes. I’ll like just walk away from people or like my mind will go blank so I won’t know how to reply to someone. I don’t mean to do any of it but it just happens and it makes things worse because then I over analyze what I did and it causes more distress and anxiety.

I am unsure if my social anxiety at "private college" in early 2010s was due to being class distinction and ethnic/racial distinction. I was there for a bit then transferred out after a while. I say this as a male, a Hispanic male, I was working class at that time. I was attending a private college in early 2010s that was mostly elitist, Anglo majority. I'm unsure if my social anxiety was connected to "not fitting in" due to class, race/ethnic distinctions. And also the one thing I kept juxtaposition this a bit was just comparing that environment to the early 1970s when my dad was in the Marines during the Vietnam War, my dad was witnessing/experiencing some type of racial issues/tension at the time. I didn't really experience that level of racial issues at the college but I just kept comparing myself to my dad at my college a bit. My dad has PTSD from the Vietnam service and from his childhood issues - so I'm unsure why I kept juxtaposition my college stuff to my dad. can anyone just understand my point.

To start, im 21 years old, and ive been struggling with social anxiety and depression since i was 15.

I was bullied heavily by my own friend group in school for my supposed annoying personality and looks, things that stayed under my skin for a long time and still somewhat do.

Needless to say, i was humiliated consistently every time i hung out with them. It was a rough crowd but they were all i had. Ive been to multiple parties where everyone (upwards of 10 people) in the room will make fun of me.

Addressing my character flaws, looks, weakness, aswell as giving the occasional vague physical threat was a constant treatment id recieve. I dont know if they thought they were only messing with me or if they were actually trying to hurt my feelings or scare me, but regardless of how bad the insult or threat was, i would never fight back out of fear of being shunned by my only few friends in the group, and frankly the intimidation i got from the select threatening people.

The ones i would've considered my friends at the time would switch up on me when they saw the hazing no matter how bad it was. I dont believe they know how much it got to me, i dont express myself well under threat. And not standing up for myself only made it worse for my self perception and social interactions as a whole.

This type of interaction persisted for about 2 years.

I told myself was never going to put myself in the spotlight again and i will stay reserved and keep my opinions to myself. I didnt want to be humiliated anymore. This made me afraid of any social interaction. I thought since my friends had these opinions about me, so does everyone else.

For the next 4 years, i stayed locked in my room. I examined my own mind every day, thinking of how different i shouldve acted, why i never had the courage or ability to speak up for myself, why i was never treated with the same respect as everyone else. I started treating everyone like they were out to get me, i stopped talking to everyone, including my family in which i deeply regret. This time in my life really tore me up.

It took longer than i would've liked for me to come to my senses, but i fully believe now that the terrible things i was telling myself were not true.

Im different from those people, and the attacks that were made on my character only reflected their own worldview (basically what they pick up from 60 Days In), and thats not how the productive side of society works, nor is it the side i want to be on.

I have a great friend whom i can fully be myself around, which made me realize how charismatic and naturally funny my real personality actually is. But its only accessable when im not constantly watching myself and fully comfortable with someone, which is rare.

I got a part time job for customer service and spent this last year working on my social skills, which have improved a bit. I can hold an acceptable conversation with customers, although ive come to the realization today that its only because im mainly used to the same dialog and my position as a worker. When someone goes off script i draw a blank. Its worse with coworkers, and especially worse with coworkers my age. ill still trip over my words, struggle with eye contact, talk quietly, and any level of confrontation gives me anxiety.

When im with friends or intoxicated im the complete opposite. I can articulate abstract thoughts well, talk loud and clear, and i can be confidently assertive, but it all dissolves when im sober or alone.

I know for a fact its due to my self monitoring. I just want to fix this, i wish i could just be the man that i am and hold my own, but im bound to my constant monitoring thoughts and conditioned nervous system. Its destroying what little hope i have left to be a confident outgoing person.

My biggest frustration is loneliness. I can only make new friends when im with my best friend and can be fully myself. Getting a girlfriend seems so far out of my abilities in my current state it just makes me feel even more lonely. My mirror makes me look good so I may be able to work up enough courage over time to ask a girl out, but i dont think shed stick around long enough for me to express who i really am. I had a relationship with this one girl during my isolating bed rot phase, and we lasted 4 months. I felt so fake for the majority of our time together. But for the first, short time in my life a girl showed me the soft warm blanket of affection. I started getting comfortable near the end and i thought i was going to open up, but in reality i was only acting as a manufactured copy of my real self, like an alien trying to act human. I still never felt content. Even when i thought i was, i wasnt.

Something about her changed around that time and she soon went cold. I believe it was something personal, but the bug in my head immediately blamed me after the breakup. She had problems of her own, i begged her to let me in, but she never did. I ended up only being a shoulder to cry on, but i guess thats all she was for me too. I appreciate her and our short lasting affection greatly, but i wish we never happened.

Why does my world give me only a taste of what i could have in my deepest times of loneliness?

I know our relationship probably wouldnt have gone farther. But all it did was make me feel even more lonely and unloveable. Im long over her, but still ive yet to experience real love, and im afraid i never will. But i hope to god my loneliness isnt exaggerating the anticipated feeling of it.

I dont know where im going with this, it just feels good to address my terrible feelings to myself and lay everything out, once in a blue moon do i recognize them. I feel totally SHITTY.

If someone actually reads this i was going to ask if anyone has successfully lowered their self monitoring and how. Any advice, reassurance, and comfort would be greatly appreciated, im seriously nearing a breaking point here. Ive always felt like a natural extrovert thats been stuffed inside an introvert and it pains me greatly not being able to express myself how i want. Please tell me your experiences.