Tbh minsan nalulungkot ako magbukas ng reddit kasi nalulungkot ako sa nararanasan ng mga pilipino ngayon.

I have 4 jobs, solo living, walang anak, pero yung kinikita ko sapat lang para sa kumportableng pamumuhay. Hindi tulad ng ibang freelancers, hindi ako masaya na tumataas yung dolyar sa totoo lang. Imagine bumibili ako sa DALI ng kape, 12 pcs na itlog, lemon square cheesecake, fudgee barr, cup noodles, umaabot pa ng ₱700+ na hindi naman dapat ganon.

Pag nababasa ko yung mga post dito na nagtitipid na sila to the point na pati kuryente tinitipid na naisip ko na lang na in this heat pano pa mabubuhay nang maayos mga pilipino. Ako nga na kerami na ng trabaho, normal na pamumuhay, nasa ‘kumportableng’ state lang ako. Hindi rin madali kasi health ko yung sinasakripisyo ko pero ano? Magpapakakuba para magkaron ng kumportableng buhay.

Di ko din alam, siguro ang point ko lang sa post na to ay huwag na tayong maging resilient at i-normalize natin na isang trabaho is enough para masustain ang isang buhay. Sana buhay pa ko kapag dumating yung panahon na pinapadali na ng gobyerno ang buhay ng mga pilipino.

Can you imagine being confessed to by the same boy who used to get on your nerves in elementary school? When I was in Grade 5, this boy would write on my uniform with his ballpen, tie my bag to my chair, and do all sorts of things just to annoy me. I will never forget this one time during flag ceremony, tinapakan niya yung likod ng sapatos ko noong pabalik na kami sa room, so ending, natanggal yung hook ng sapatos ko sa likod. Doon na talaga ako napikon. I turned around and punched him hard in the chest. Sabi niya, nahirapan daw siyang huminga. Sorry naman pero dasurb.

Fast forward to Grade 11, and guess who confessed that he liked me and wanted to court me? Siya. Hahahahaha. The same boy who spent years finding new ways to annoy me suddenly had the courage to tell me he liked me. I turned him down because we were still young, and my parents wouldn't allow me to have a boyfriend yet. I still remember him jokingly saying, “Sana sinuntok mo na lang ako sa dibdib". I didn't know that years later, I'd remember these words so differently.

He never really approached me again after that. Wala na lang kibuan kapag magsasalubong sa school. And all these years, I sometimes wondered if rejecting him had hurt the way that punch did back in Grade 5. Did his chest feel heavy, too? Did he have a hard time catching his breath? I guess I will never know.

Today, I stood in front of his casket, looking at the boy who used to get on my nerves. I remembered his stupid pranks, the ink stains on my uniform na hirap na hirap labhan ni mama, that shoe when I was in Grade 5, the confession and the rejection, and the way he complained that he couldn't breathe after I punched him. I just stood there, trying to catch my breath.

And for the first time, I understood how he felt because today, he was the one who punched me in the chest.

And I couldn't breathe.

I always travel alone, but last September, I decided to book a trip to Thailand with one of my close friends. Both girls kami, and I thought it would be a fun experience to travel together.

Madalang lang din kami magkita, siguro once a month on average, kaya I always look forward to seeing her kasi close naman talaga kami.

Pero eto na, nung nasa trip na kami, doon ko na-realize na iba pala talaga kami in some ways. Matipid din naman ako, pero hindi naman to the point na kailangan i-compute lahat, especially when traveling. 😅

Naiinis din ako kasi every time na may gusto siyang food or item, hindi niya bibilhin unless bibili rin ako for myself. Minsan, nagko-compute na agad siya kung magkano ang utang habang nasa labas pa kami. Even when sharing food, I noticed na mas malaki pa minsan yung share niya.

Doon ko na-realize na iba rin pala talaga ang nagagawa ng travel sa friendship. Since kayong dalawa lang ang magkasama for several days, you'll get to see each other's habits, attitudes, and even sides na hindi mo usually nakikita kapag occasional lang kayo nagkikita.

Dagdag mo pa yung pagod, puyat, at stress sa pag-commute at pag-explore. Lahat talaga, mas ramdam mo. 😅

It made me realize na kahit close kayo ng isang tao, it doesn't necessarily mean compatible kayo as travel buddies.

Meron ba rito na naka-experience din ng ganito with a close friend? Did it change the way you see your friendship or your decision to travel together again?

It bothers me kasi I saw this post talking about people that "dont seem to care" abt sa El Niño. Especially some comments na parang may lack of empathy sa mga d nagpreprepare and even mock and look down on them.

Maghoard ng stocks, bumili ng malalaking balde para mag ipon ng tubig, save extra cash in case of emergencies. Tama naman lahat ng yan, it's best for us to be prepared kahit papaano. But just because YOU are capable of being prepared, doesnt mean that others who arent are ignorant, stupid, hard-headed, or dont believe in El Niño.

You have to understand that the majority of Filipinos earn low income/are from low income families. May mga families that worry about loans/utang, rent, medical bills, electric bills, etc. There are single parents, working students, street vendors, farmers, ordinary people that have too many problems in their hands to focus on the upcoming drought and storms. Which is why they would most likely prioritize other things rather than the El Niño. And I was only talking about those who live in rural and urban areas, paano pa kaya sa mga nakatira sa remote, isolated areas with no water or electricity? Dont forget that we are a 3rd world country suffering inflation as well, naku mahal na ng bilihin as in.

Oo, pwede parin naman gawan ng paraan yan kahit papaano. But even that has its own limits depending on the person's financial capabilities. It wont be enough for some/most to last the entire El Niño. Which is why dito ko nakikita kung bakit ung iba ay pinipilit na "resilient" sila and brush off this crisis, it may be their way of coping with the fact that they cant afford prepare and only have to rely on their resilience.

I am not encouraging people to simply think of El Niño as something na dapat hayaan nalang mangyari at wag na maghanda, nor am I defending the those who dont prepare for the wrong reasons. This is simply a loooonggg insight as to why there are those who choose not to prepare for the upcoming global crisis.

To those who are fully prepared, I salute you for being able to take care of yourself/your family. But before you judge those who dont do the same as you do, put yourselves on other people's shoes first.

TLDR: Sorry na ung iba kasi sa amin d afford maghoard or bumili ng equipment e, may mga pinagdadaanan din kasi kami na mas kailangan unahin😔✌️

After school, my daughter went to a playground at the mall. She was so happy because this was my little treat for her to celebrate a milestone. We paid for a two-hour play session, and she was excited to spend the afternoon there.

After almost an hour, my daughter came up to me and said she wanted to go home. She didn't seem grumpy or upset, but I could tell that something was wrong. That feeling stayed with me even after we had some snacks.

During our car ride home, I finally asked her what had happened. I told her that I had a feeling something was bothering her and that she could always tell me anything because I would always be her safe space. That was when she started opening up.

Apparently, another child approached her and became her playmate. They eventually started talking about their lives, and the child asked where her mother and father were. My daughter explained that she only had her mother because I am a single mom.

The other child then told her that she was not blessed by God. My daughter was even told that she would eventually burn in hell. According to the other child, only children of married couples were blessed. My daughter took those words to heart.

As a mother, it breaks my heart to know that my child had to experience something like that. I wish I could have protected her from hearing those words, but I also know that I cannot shield her from everything the world might throw at her. What I can do is remind her that our family is no less worthy of love and respect just because it looks different from others. Being raised by a single mother does not make her any less blessed, loved, or deserving of happiness.

To my fellow parents, please teach your children to be mindful of what they say to others. Teach them that not every family looks the same and that differences are never an excuse to belittle someone. Children learn their values from the adults around them, and we have a responsibility to guide them toward empathy, kindness, and respect.

I hope no child ever has to question their worth because of another child's words. I hope we raise children who know how to be kind, even when they encounter someone whose life is different from their own.

(Please don’t share on other platforms thank you)

Matagal na din ako sa dati kong role and company. 4 yrs ako nag stay. At first nag start ako as onsite tapos over time, namove to 2 times WFH so hybrid.

Masaya naman ako though sa sahod talagang mababa.

May nag reach out sa akin, nag offer ng remote role. Syempre na excite ako, sinearch ko naman yung company walang masamang posts about them. Okay naman din yung history nila.

So nagpaalam ako sa boss ko and I accepted the other company’s offer. Sinubukan ako pigilan kaso hindi matapatan yung increase kasi x2.

Anyways, grabeng stressful pala yung work. Tipong araw araw dreaded ko pumasok. Araw araw ko iniiyakan. Ang hilig pa ng colleagues at bosses na yung tipong sa group chats or during meetings ka kino callout. Like they always make an example out of you (naranasan ko na but madalas other teammates pero kinakabahan pa rin ako kasi baka ako naman next).

Since nag start ako dito nag lose ako ng 10kg sa stress. Nagka hives ako at nagkaron ako ng anxiety.

Kaso di ako makaalis kasi iniisip ko panget sa resume. At ang hirap makahanap ng roles na permanent WFH.

Ayun lang di ko lang alam san ilalabas yung sama ng loob ko. Araw araw nalang nasi stress ako kahit weekends dala ko yung stress. Hindi ko na na enjoy buhay ko.

Kaso di din makaalis kasi breadwinner tapos wala naman sasalo sa akin pag nawalan ako ng work.

Congrats mga pre md na kayo lahat, finally pasado na lahat ng tropa except me. I am happy for you guys!, pero ako siguro medyo depressed lang di ko na kasi na tuloy eh sensya na mga pre dito na lang me mag labas muna ng feelings di ko rin masabi sa iba talga nararamdaman ko. Frustrated lang ako sa sarili ko kasi di ko na natuloy yung pangarap ko, choice ko rin naman to and siguro may konting pagsisi pero wala eh nandito na tayo wala na rin naman magagawa.

Last year I made a post here about failing the PLE and the circumstances around it. I lost our child, I parted ways with the mother, my Lola died after Day 2, I was running a fever, my abdomen was hurting — and then I failed.

I didn’t take the March exam because my Lolo got sick and was admitted, and I was the primary caretaker. I prepared for October, then my Lolo got admitted again for the 2nd time, 5 days before PLE. He passed away. At that point, PLE was an afterthought, but I already registered, and sabi ni Mama, sayang naman. Just go through with it, she said.

1st day, I wanted to quit. My mother told me no — what is there to lose? I sat through 2nd day reluctantly. The week in between, I just slept, ate, and played games. What’s the use, fail na ’to. Comes 3rd day, I was running a fever, sleeping in between exams. Same thing on the 4th day.

In my head, I already failed. I started to resent the timing. Di ba pwedeng May lang or June? Why is it always near the PLE? Malas ba ko? I thought.

Then yesterday, lalabas ang results. I was anxious, kasi alam kong wala ang pangalan ko. I didn’t check. Then while playing games, I received a message. “Congrats, I’m proud of you,” sabi ng nanay ng anak ko. Akala ko prank lang. Then I checked — and dun nga. My name.

I just said thanks. Natawa nalang ako kasi, kaka-anniversary lang nila ng bago niya. 2 weeks after we parted last year, naging sila — the boy best friend I warned her about, yung nag-confess sa kanya, and I was none the wiser.

Anyway, di ko pa rin gets kung paano ako pumasa. I only knew that I brought 3 things with me sa exam room: prayers ng family ko, lunch that I prepared, and conviction not to second guess my answers, pili sagot then shade, no re-read — things I hadn’t brought with me last year.

I thought of myself as talunan. That the pattern would just repeat. That I would still fail. That maybe my parents would check on me sa early morning if buhay pa ba ko. Last night, none of that happened. I screenshotted the result, just to make sure, baka mag change pa, mag rereklamo talaga ako. I called my parents, and then slept. This time, no one would knock on my door and ask me if I’m okay.

Who would’ve thought one outcome would change how I look at myself? Today I woke up a Doctor. Charot.

So HAHAHA pauwi na me sempre mode of transportation ko is jeep and uv. Kakaout ko lang office and pasakay ng jeep. Mga sisteret ko, so syempre hahakbang ka bago makapasok jeep diba. Yung isang leg ko andon na, biglang umabante. Teh, di lang abante, harurot. So di ko nalabance self ko kasi teh di ako kasing stronk like guys. Then shalala, so umabante mga 3 seconds na mabilis. Nabitawan ko. Never ko narinig sarili ko tumili nang pang babae. As in tiling pang girly ako. Then beh, napadapa na ako sa harap ng mangsasakay. Tumigil naman si jeep di raw niya ako nakita sumasalay

So sa hiya ni ate niyo kasi dami tao sumakay na ako sa jeep. Nag sorry naman si wife and I said, "Okay lang po!" Then abot bayad.

TEH WALA LANG NAKAKAHIYA PALA MADISGRASYA HAHAHAHAHHAHAHAA.

I recently came out of a long-term relationship, at isa sa pinakamasakit na sinabi niya sa akin ay hindi na raw niya ako nakikitang kasama sa future niya.

Ang hirap tanggapin dahil sa isip ko, siya pa rin yung nakikita kong makakasama ko habangbuhay. Ang dami naming pinagdaanan at matagal kong inisip na kahit anong problema, sabay naming haharapin. Hindi ko alam na habang kasama ko pa siya sa mga plano ko, unti-unti na pala niya akong inaalis sa kanya.

Nirerespeto ko ang desisyon niya at hindi ko na siya hinahabol. Pero minsan napapaisip pa rin ako: paano ba biglang nawawala sa future ng isang tao ang taong matagal niyang minahal?

Sa mga nakaranas nito, paano ninyo tinanggap na hindi na pareho ang future na nakikita ninyo?

I know that I have so much love and have so much capability to love someone but I don't think I can be in a relationship anymore. I don't think I will ever be someone who can give myself fully to someone again. I'm nearing my mid 30s, I always wanted to be a dad, to have a family, to give all my love to my future wife and kids but sadly, I think that it isn't something for me anymore.

I lost the girl I always thought I would spend my life with. She betrayed me for 3 years, gaslit me and blamed me by telling me I'm toxic, I'm insecure, by threatening to break up.

She never proved what the extent of her betrayal was, she trickled truth me for months and months. She continued to lie for weeks about different matters aside from her cheating.

I only had two long relationships, sadly both my partners cheated on me.

Being cheated on takes something inside you that you know you won't be able to rebuild again. You lose the capability to be at peace, to be trusting, to not worry if you'll be hurt again.

Sadly, I can never give all this love again. I can never give myself again. I can never trust anyone again.

hi offmychestph, it's me again. nag ppms lang ako and currently, i don't really have anyone to talk to so dito na lang ako maglalabas ng sama ng loob uli.

ang dami kong nababasa na nagsasabing di naman karera ang buhay pero bat ganun, feel ko napag-iwanan na ko?

growing up, i feel like hindi ko na experience yung mga bagay na na-experience ng iba. yung tipong may mag aaya na lang sayo tapos mag party party kayo ng friends mo, or may mag aaya mag hiking, or yung tipong nakaka labas ka at nagagawa mo gusto mo kasi may financial freedom ka to do so. hindi kasi ako pinayagan mag work as a sideline nung nag aaral ako, focus lang daw ako sa studies ko, and sure enough — naka graduate naman ako with latin honors. pero alam niyo yun? hanggang ngayon dinadamdam ko pa rin ng todo yung feeling na ang dami kong namiss out sa buhay. ang dami kong hindi na experience dahil lagi na lang ako nag titipid, lagi na lang ako mindful of my own expenses kasi limited lang din binibigay sakin na allowance.

next week monday, birthday ko na, pero feel ko iiyak lang ako kasi hindi ko nanaman magagawa mga gusto kong gawin

Im in a relationship for two years now and may anak boyfriend /fiancee ko, wala na yung baby mama dahil iniwan sila baby pa lang yung bata para sa ibang lalaki and since then di naman naghabol or di nag effort mag reach out yung mama ng bata so all good kami sa part na yon. And dilemma ko is, tita tawag sakin ng bata, yumayakap sya, nag iilove you din and thank you, nagsasabi din sya ng i miss you pag di ako nakakadalaw sa kanila. 9yrs old na yung bata. Pag tinuturuan sya ng mga tita nya or lola, lolo na itawag sakin is “mommy” ayaw daw nya, tita lang gusto nya. For two years, okay naman na talaga sakin yon, masaya ako na malambing yung bata sakin and nakakapag provide kami sa kanya. Healthy sya, and walang reklamo mga teachers nya so far. Since nagre ready kami sa kasal ni fiancee medyo diko ma feel yung excitement kase feeling ko may kulang which is yung matanggap na ako ng bata. Ewan ko pero diko na alam ano gagawin ko para tanggapin ako. Medyo spoiled na sya sakin, pag pagagalitan sya ng daddy nya sakin sya tatakbo pag may gusto sakin lalapit pag may mga kwento sya sakin din una nya sasabihin. Okay relationship namin pero bakit kaya di nya ako matawah na mommy? Dapat ba wag na ako umasa? Am i asking for too much? Im longing to be a mom kase aa edad ko malabo na ako magka anak so i want my full attention and love sa kanya ko na ibuhos, kaya lang minsan pag naririnig ko na sasabihin nyang ayaw nya na mommy ako tita lang daw may kirot kahit tumatawa ako. Diko masabi naman sa mga tita nya na wag na ipilit or i open yung topic na yon dahil alam ko wala naman silang masamang gusto na sabihin or parating. Diko lang masyado ma enjoy yung wedding prep kase gusto ko sana tangggap na ako ng bata. Maarte lang din siguro ako or ambisyosa pero nasasaktan ako talaga and minsan uwing uwi na ko samin para lang umiyal dahil don.

I have 18 cats. All of which are rescues. Earlier this year, the eldest of them all caught Feline Infectious Peritonitis (FIP). We just finished 84 shots of medication. I barely had enough time to recover from the fear of losing him until this week, one of the younger cats was diagnosed of Chronic Kidney Failure. Yung takot ko patong-patong, nahihirapan ako huminga. Literal na parang sasabog dibdib ko. I love my cats so much, parang mauuna ako sa kanila because of broken heart syndrome pag nagkakasakit sila.

Can you even call it living if you don't feel alive?

I am getting worse, i know that.

My knuckles no longer heal. There's permanent bruising and it hurts to flex them but it's still better than hitting someone else whenever I get that sudden explosive rage.

I don't even know if what I'm saying here makes sense at all. I'm almost positive it doesn't but typing it down helped me breathe. That, and marlboro reds.

dumaan sa feed ko yung video ni dr. kilimangaru about sa kung paano makaalis sa “survival mode” and one of his main points dun is kailangan mo gumawa ng paraan na i-drop yung mga bagay nagho-hold back sayo.

sounds easy right?

pero paano kung di ko naman kontrolado yung sitwasyon?

nakakapagod na rin minsan. i’m already 26 years old, and until now hindi ko pa rin alam kung anong path ba dapat yung tahakin ko. parang lagi akong naghahabol. di ko alam kung tamad ba ko, hindi ba enough yung skills ko, or sadyang ginagago lang ako ng mundo hahaha. it’s been 10 months since I was laid off from my full time job, and since then parang lagi akong nasa “survival mode”.

i work as a freelancer/business owner. nagkakaroon ng clients every now and then, pero wala pa rin akong nahahanap na full time until now, and hindi rin ako makapag-full time dahil sa sitwasyon ng family namin ngayon.

my mom has cancer, stage 4. ako lang yung inaasahan sa pamilya namin maglakad lagi ng papeles niya for medicine and other procedures niya. i mean, wala naman sa akin yun, ayos lang kahit ilang beses akong naglalakad every month para sa gamot niya, pero ayun dahil doon I need to sacrifice my career (which I’m not sure if career nga bang matatawag) and shift into a more flexible setup. hindi ako makapag-full time dahil most likely matatanggal din ako kung madalas akong mag-aabsent para maglakad ng papers niya. thankfully naman, kahit papaano may freelance projects ako na totally flexible kasi nga project-based lang naman. unlike pag nag-full time ako, mas hindi ko matutukan and maasikaso yung gamot ng mom ko kung sakali.

i don’t want to make it like an excuse and to sound na parang sinisisi ko yung sitwasyon pero, minsan napapaisip lang ako kung hanggang kailan ako ganito. ngayon, napapaisip na naman ako kung saan ako kukuha ng income for november. yung next client payment ko kasi most likely december ko pa makukuha. tapos after non, panibagong hanap ulit. i mean, mahal ko naman yung ginagawa ko. pero pakiramdam ko lang i can do so much more sana kung di lang napunta sa akin tong responsibility na to. but then, family comes first naman always, and ok na rin siguro na na lay-off ako nung january kasi mas nakapagfocus ako sa mga needs ng mom ko. sinabi ko rin na what if mag-abroad nalang muna ako or sumampa sa barko para mas makatulong sa finances, sabi niya wag na daw muna. kasi ok pa naman kami, and tbf mas ok din naman yun kasi ayoko na umalis ako tapos umabot sa point na di ko na makikita yung mom ko pag-uwi.

ayun. gusto ko lang ilabas dito kasi ayoko rin naman na ‘to i-dump sa ibang tao dahil masyado ring mabigat. gusto ko na makaalis sa ganitong sitwasyon. kung may ganito rin na similar na situation sakin, sana malampasan natin to.

Share ko lang dito guys na sobrang nalulungkot ako para sa ate ko kasi yung tatay ng anak nya ni hindi man lang nagpakita once at nag suporta simula pinanganak pamangkin ko hanggang ngayon na 8yrs old na sya.

Walang stable na trabaho or source of income si ate at meron pang mga loans na di nabayaran kaya kameng ibang kapatid nya nag aambag para matulungan silang mag ina. Kaso ako kasi nakabukod na at may sariling pamilya na rin so meron na talagang boundaries sa pag he-help financially.

Sinabihan ko si ate na mag hanap ng VA jobs para at least sa bahay lang sya at mababantayan pa rin nya anak nya. Since first time nya lang mag VA (though meron syang experience sa admin works) nahihirapan sya sa tight competition ngayon tapos yung AI nga 🙁

Sa ngayon, part time cleaner sya sa kapitbahay namen tapos may one time na narinig ko dati tinataasan sya ng boses at grabe makademand na pumunta agad sa house nila para mag linis. Eh kaso nakatulog ata si ate nun kaya di napansin yung oras. Nahurt ako para sa kanya. Sabi ko sa kanya na maghanap na lang sya ng ibang trabaho na mas maayos ang trato ng amo nya.

I feel powerless na tulungan sya ngayon kasi literal na malayo ako sa kanya at hindi ako agad-agad makakauwi ng Pinas dahil mahal pamasahe and ang daming gastos sa bahay.

Baka meron kayong alam na companies na hiring at pwede maipasok ate ko? Kung wala man salamat pa rin sa pagbabasa netong sinulat ko at hopefully magkaroon na rin sya ng trabaho soon 🙏

It's been over a month...

When I'm at work, I'm okay. When I'm with my family, I'm okay. When I am with my friends, I am okay. But when I am alone, that's when memories of you creeps in. Whenever I wake up in the middle of the night or at dawn, that's when I think of you the most even if I don't want to. In the quiet moments, I still think of you. A month of no notification from you. No good morning and good night chats. No more game invites from you. No more updates on what you are watching or what you are doing. And it makes me sad. I don't want to be sad anymore.

I don't know when this longing will be over. I hate this feeling and I hope, really hope this too shall pass.

We sent out invites for our son's baptism. Gets naman yung mga nagche-check pa ng schedule, lalo na dito sa abroad na hindi fixed ang weekend off. No problem with that.

Ang nakakainis lang yung mga ise-seen ka lang, walang reply. O kaya mag-yes tapos hindi sisipot sa actual day, walang pasabi. Akala mo confirmed booking, yun pala free trial. 😂

Hindi naman required umattend just because invited ka. If you can't make it, okay lang naman. We're not collecting attendance fees. It's just basic courtesy, lalo na't may effort, budget, at planning din behind these events.

We cut off some people like this after our wedding, and honestly, iba lang din siguro perspective namin since we're raising our son abroad, malayo sa family. These milestones mean a lot to us, kaya ini-invite namin yung mga taong special sa buhay namin.

Anyway, rant lang. Normal na ba talaga 'to ngayon, or malas lang kami sa mga ini-invite? Hahaha.

Last na 'to, pramis. Sa mga susunod na birthdays namin, magta-travel na lang kaming family. At least walang RSVP, walang no-show. Kami-kami na lang. 😂✈️

My feelings center so much around self-shame, inferiority, and a heavy amount of guilt and regret. I didn't get to experience the canonical “female” events (like having a period around that same age range, sharing makeup and clothes, giving tips and whatnot, etc) that almost all girls, if not every girl in my life, got to go through. Not that it is anyone else's fault, it was my mistake for being obese, and due to being bullied at school for looking too much like a man, ostracized, and then pressured into actually identifying as one, I struggled to change for years. Having this male persona where I practically took everything like how a “real man should and would” made me insensitive to insult, assault, and situations which should've required the normal person to be angry or in grief about. I had videos and pictures taken of me that most likely still floats around group chats I know nothing of. I am probably still being talked about by the same seniors who used to humiliate me (and once again, took video/s of) and my partner during ballroom practices—maybe even the subject of gossip by my previous teachers at their workplace. I wonder if they repeat the same verbal violence they once spoke to me every hour, every minute of day to someone who carries my exact shadow. No matter what I do, even though I've lost weight, it still follows me like skeletons hidden in the closet. Those toxic, no, abusive friendships? Nothing more than just teens being teens, nothing for me to be traumatized about. Being dragged around like that, subjected to (mild, anyway) physical pain, isolated by my own peers, doing things out of my own will, having to just accept where they touched me, how they talked to me, the things they made me do, say and, act—everything's glossed over; I'm forgotten, like a breeze you'd think for a moment was refreshing, before it passes by through you.

How do I even explain this? Being a man feels like a societal expectation. It's what people have asked from me this entire time. It is a role I've perfectly embodied, blueprinted, and acted out in timely likeness. After assuming this false identity, I had never felt emotions ever again. I didn't know how to be anything else but consistently happy. Even when I was disassociating, even when my amnesia got so severe, I still get small chunks of memory till this day, even when I coped by wallowing it all down and choosing to forget myself. When I had crushes, I would get sick for months, refusing to acknowledge my feelings, and would wake up in persistent disgust. I had to remind and teach myself how to smile. I had no real humor, no real interests, no real hobbies, so I was the perfect vessel for projection. I wasn't a being that could change. I was not human. Therefore, I was incapable of pain.

Compared to that, being a woman feels like a biological assignment—like a prophecy bestowed, a calling I should've answered long ago. It's not as though being a girl was ever good for me either. I went through worst when I 'used' to be a girl as a child, up until my tween years before these incidents. But now, want to be a woman. But I can't be, because I'm already a man. But how could I be a woman, even so more hold the desire to be one, when a man is all I've ever been? But I can't be a man anymore, because now that I've lost all that weight, people expect me to be more of a woman. Then who even am I? It's like two black holes competing as to who can swallow the other first. I cannot live without being a man. But I also cannot live without being a woman. And in truth, I cannot live with both. I don't know who I am anymore.

Today's my birthday, I honestly don’t even feel like celebrating my birthday. I just want to treat it like any other day and continue working in the office as usual.

I think it started back in college when I became a workaholic because of my commitments to student organizations. Every October, there would be an important institutional event at my university, and I always played a significant role in making it happen. Eventually, I got so used to prioritizing work, responsibilities, and everyone else’s needs that celebrating my own birthday became an afterthought.

A lot has happened this year, too. I've been exhausted since August, when our department turned upside down. There's been so much to adjust to, and honestly, I just want some peace in my life. I don't want any drama, but somehow, it always finds its way to me. Add personal problems to the mix, and this October has been particularly difficult. I've found myself spiraling and falling back into self-sabotaging habits, and I'm honestly just tired but still functioning.

I even cancelled a dinner date my girlfriend had planned because I wanted to spend my weekend focusing on my report for my master’s class and her budget got tight 'coz something came up in her home.

Then, a coworker found out that my birthday is this Friday and suggested that we organize a potluck at the office since her birthday is also coming up the following week, although she had already filed for PTO next Friday (her birthday). I agreed, and a few days later, after I had already ordered food for the potluck, she suddenly backed out because she decided she'd rather celebrate during her own birthday week.

Now I'm stuck preparing a birthday potluck on my own for something I didn't even want to celebrate in the first place. I was perfectly fine spending my birthday like any other ordinary workday, nobody even knew my birthday is coming up, but somehow, I ended up organizing a celebration I never even planned for myself.

At this point, I don't even know if I genuinely don't care about celebrating my birthday anymore or if I'm just too exhausted to make a big deal out of it. Maybe I've spent so much of my life being the person who makes things happen for everyone else that I've forgotten how to make space for myself.

I don't want grand celebrations or anything extravagant. I just want to get through this year with a little less stress, a little more peace, and the chance to breathe without feeling like I have to deal with another problem. For once, I just want things to be okay.

Kayo rin ba? There's heaviness deep within na hindi ko masabi o mapangalanan o kahit bigyan ng description kasi hindi ko alam kung anong dahilan ba't ako nagkakaganon.

Kumbaga, maraming factors ang posibleng nakakaimpluwensiya kaya ’di matukoy ang puno't dulo ng lahat.

It keeps boggling my mind, and it's stuck in my chest.

Hi everyone! Gusto ko lang talaga mag-vent out ng frustration ko ngayon. Currently thinking na talaga if mag-reresign na ako sa work ko sa isang government office.

To be honest, okay naman at bearable para sa akin yung mismong trabaho. Kahit sobrang daming tao araw-araw na kailangang asikasuhin, kakayanin naman. Ang hindi na talaga bearable at sobrang toxic ay yung mga kasama sa trabaho at kung paano kami tratuhin.

Eto yung mga main reasons kung bakit sagad na sagad na ako:

Mga tsismosa at judgemental na mga kasama na para bang hinuhulaan at binabantayan lahat ng galaw mo. Yung tipong lahat na lang ng gawin mo mali, at sa lahat na lang ng bagay may say sila.

Hindi ko na rin alam kung ano ba talaga ang role ng dept head namin kasi pati ibang taga top management (which is very sipsip sa pinaka head) nangingialam at nagmamando sa schedule at workloads namin.

at Kapag nagre-request kami ng day off lang naman kasi may importanteng aasikasuhin o special day—alam niyo ba kung anong sinasabi? WALA raw kaming karapatan kasi JOB ORDER lang kami. Nakikiusap naman ng maayos pero ang sagot nila parang hindi ka katrabaho kala mo sila nagpapasahod

Naiiyak ako sa sobrang sama ng loob ko ngayon. Sakal na sakal ang pakiramdam ko. gusto ko magsabi sa parents ko na gusto ko na umalis pero nahihiya ako kasi may kapatid pa akong nag aaral at ayaw kong umasa ulit sa kanila. Iniisip ko din to jump private na specifically mag bpo na kasi hindi ko talaga kaya makasama pa sila.

Pa-rant lang because honestly, I’m so fed up, and I need an outside perspective.

I work remotely for a company with a small team. I have this one and ONLY Filipina coworker who’s in her 30s and has children. We’ve been working together for around 7 months, and ever since we started, I’ve noticed that she tends to take certain workplace situations personally. At first, I just brushed it off. I figured we all have our own struggles, and I didn’t want to make a big deal out of anything. But after what happened last night, napuno na talaga ako.

First incident: The clock-in/clock-out issue.

One of our coworkers sometimes forgets to update her working hours. Since I regularly communicate with this coworker, she’ll occasionally ask me to remind the person responsible for fixing the hours. So naturally, I relay the message. That’s it.

But every time I do, this coworker gets annoyed and says something along the lines of, “Bakit kailangan ikaw pa magsabi sa akin? Bakit hindi siya directly magsabi sa akin? Approachable naman ako.”

And I’m just sitting there thinking, What exactly did I do wrong? I was literally asked to pass along a message. Why am I suddenly involved in an issue about whether someone finds you approachable? If you prefer direct communication, then talk to that person. Why direct your frustration at me when I’m simply doing what I was asked?

Second incident: The office group chat.

She created a group chat with the other office members but didn’t include me.

Her explanation? We already communicate personally through text, so she didn’t think I needed to be there.

And you know what? I didn’t complain. I didn’t ask why I wasn’t included. I didn’t assume she disliked me. I just accepted her explanation and moved on. I figured that if there was anything important I needed to know, someone would communicate it to me.

Keep this in mind because it becomes relevant later.

Third incident: The birthday forms.

When we first started working, our boss asked the both of us to complete an “About Me” form so the team would know our preferences whenever someone’s birthday came around.

She was responsible for organizing these forms.

Recently, I was looking through the files because her birthday was coming up, and I wanted to check her preferences. Out of curiosity, I looked for my own form. Turns out, after approximately 7 months, I couldn’t even find mine in the folder where it was supposed to be. Did I confront her? No. Did I accuse her of deliberately excluding me? No. I assumed it could’ve been an oversight and moved on. Because honestly, not everything has to be interpreted as a personal attack.

Now, the incident that finally pushed me over the edge.

Our boss has an important exam coming up, and the team planned a little surprise for her. I didn’t even know about the surprise until another coworker mentioned it during our meeting. It was a last-minute thing as far as I knew. The moment I found out, I sent an email to the virtual team members, including this coworker, informing them about the surprise.

She received the email. She even acknowledged it.

So imagine my surprise when she later messaged me saying she felt left out because I didn’t PERSONALLY TEXT her about the plan.

She then asked me something along the lines of, “Bakit feeling ko hindi mo ako gusto?”

I was genuinely confused. What? I literally emailed you, and 2 other virtual members. You acknowledged receiving the information. Why is the fact that I didn’t send a separate text message suddenly being interpreted as evidence that I dislike you?

She started explaining how she always updates me whenever our boss mentions something concerning me during their morning huddles, how she informs me about office matters, and how she makes sure I’m updated because otherwise, nobody would tell me.

And this is where I became really frustrated.

First of all, isn’t relaying relevant work information part of our professional responsibilities? She’s the only one who attends those huddles because she is our boss’s EA. If our boss has instructions concerning my work, naturally, those instructions need to reach me.

I’m grateful for colleagues who communicate properly, but why is performing an assigned responsibility being presented as a personal favor that I need to repay emotionally?

Second, remember the group chat? She was the one who decided I didn’t need to be included because we already communicated privately. So now she’s bringing up how she always keeps me informed because nobody else would?

I genuinely don’t understand the logic.

She also mentioned that because we’re both Filipinas, she initially expected us to become buddies.

But here’s my thing.

Being friendly and being friends are two completely different things.

Just because we share the same nationality and work for the same company doesn’t automatically mean we’re going to develop a close personal friendship. I respect her as a colleague. I communicate with her about work. I have nothing against her.

But I don’t think I’m obligated to provide constant personal reassurance or maintain a friendship that was never mutually established.

She also opened up about her personal struggles and how she’s afraid of losing her job because she has children depending on her.

And I understand that. I really do.

But here’s another thing that genuinely bothers me.

During our conversation, she also brought up the possibility of me telling our boss things about her or reporting her behind her back. And honestly, WHAT? Where is that even coming from? I’m literally just doing my job, minding my own business, and trying to get through my own responsibilities.

What frustrates me is that I feel like I’m constantly having to defend myself against assumptions about my intentions. First, she thinks I don’t like her because I didn’t personally text her. Then there’s this concern that I might be reporting her to our boss.

Why am I suddenly being treated like someone who has ulterior motives?

I understand that she may have had unpleasant experiences with previous coworkers. But I don’t think it’s fair to project those fears onto me when I haven’t done anything to warrant that suspicion.

We all have problems. I have my own responsibilities, family concerns, financial obligations, and personal struggles that I don’t necessarily discuss at work. I’m not going to pretend that I don’t need my job or the income. Of course I do. I’m grateful to be employed. But isn’t the point that we’re all here to work, earn a living, communicate professionally, and do our responsibilities?

Why does every communication issue have to become a question of whether someone likes you? I even apologized and reassured her that I had nothing against her.

Yet here I am, the following day, still thinking about the entire conversation.

And honestly, it’s affecting my mental health.

I don’t hate her. I don’t wish anything bad upon her. I want her to succeed at work, keep her job, and be happy. I just don’t want to be responsible for managing her feelings about every ordinary workplace interaction.

We’re adults. We’re professionals.

If there’s a work-related problem, let’s address it. If information wasn’t communicated, let’s fix the communication process. But I don’t think it’s fair to expect a coworker to constantly prove that they like you.

I can be respectful, cooperative, and considerate without being your close friend.

And I don’t think that makes me a bad person.

May kachat ako at first masaya and he’s very nice like literally but kalaunan my insecurity eats me up. I feel lng ang layo namin sa buhay but he’s very consistent sakin he makes me happy and kahit malayu ang bahay nila saamin mag offer sha to order me foods pero ako yung aayaw kasi kaya ko naman if ever may cravings ako. Idk im scared baka if patapos na kami or magkaproblema kami isusumbat niya sakin mga nagawa niya or naibigay niya but I dont think he’s that kind of person pero yun nga naramdaman niya sguro I keep pushing him away at binibigyan ko sha nang attitude para ayaw na niya sakin totally kasi naiinsecure ako out of my league kasi tas ako mahirap lng tas minimum wage. Even though never ako tumatanggap nang kung ano galing sakanya kasi rin sguro sa mga ex ko na trauma rin ako eh lgi kasing bare minimum yung matatanggap ko even though hindi naman ako nagrereklamo na babaguhan lng talaga ako pag medyo may pera at pogi yung kausap ko kasi feeling ko basura ko at madali nila akong e drop in a heartbeat because they will find someone better tas well off rin sa buhay.

Hays sana ma overcome ko itong insecurity ko :(( hirap kasi maging mahirap minsan nawawalan na akong oras sa mga ganyang bagay kasi lgi nalang work,tulog tas help rin sa family. Pero I know naman one day magiging okay na ako and capable na ako to love someone and I hope that someone will accept who I am and my situation. Although I want to give my kausap a chance feeling ko di rin mag wowork.