I always travel alone, but last September, I decided to book a trip to Thailand with one of my close friends. Both girls kami, and I thought it would be a fun experience to travel together.

Madalang lang din kami magkita, siguro once a month on average, kaya I always look forward to seeing her kasi close naman talaga kami.

Pero eto na, nung nasa trip na kami, doon ko na-realize na iba pala talaga kami in some ways. Matipid din naman ako, pero hindi naman to the point na kailangan i-compute lahat, especially when traveling. 😅

Naiinis din ako kasi every time na may gusto siyang food or item, hindi niya bibilhin unless bibili rin ako for myself. Minsan, nagko-compute na agad siya kung magkano ang utang habang nasa labas pa kami. Even when sharing food, I noticed na mas malaki pa minsan yung share niya.

Doon ko na-realize na iba rin pala talaga ang nagagawa ng travel sa friendship. Since kayong dalawa lang ang magkasama for several days, you'll get to see each other's habits, attitudes, and even sides na hindi mo usually nakikita kapag occasional lang kayo nagkikita.

Dagdag mo pa yung pagod, puyat, at stress sa pag-commute at pag-explore. Lahat talaga, mas ramdam mo. 😅

It made me realize na kahit close kayo ng isang tao, it doesn't necessarily mean compatible kayo as travel buddies.

Meron ba rito na naka-experience din ng ganito with a close friend? Did it change the way you see your friendship or your decision to travel together again?

Tbh minsan nalulungkot ako magbukas ng reddit kasi nalulungkot ako sa nararanasan ng mga pilipino ngayon.

I have 4 jobs, solo living, walang anak, pero yung kinikita ko sapat lang para sa kumportableng pamumuhay. Hindi tulad ng ibang freelancers, hindi ako masaya na tumataas yung dolyar sa totoo lang. Imagine bumibili ako sa DALI ng kape, 12 pcs na itlog, lemon square cheesecake, fudgee barr, cup noodles, umaabot pa ng ₱700+ na hindi naman dapat ganon.

Pag nababasa ko yung mga post dito na nagtitipid na sila to the point na pati kuryente tinitipid na naisip ko na lang na in this heat pano pa mabubuhay nang maayos mga pilipino. Ako nga na kerami na ng trabaho, normal na pamumuhay, nasa ‘kumportableng’ state lang ako. Hindi rin madali kasi health ko yung sinasakripisyo ko pero ano? Magpapakakuba para magkaron ng kumportableng buhay.

Di ko din alam, siguro ang point ko lang sa post na to ay huwag na tayong maging resilient at i-normalize natin na isang trabaho is enough para masustain ang isang buhay. Sana buhay pa ko kapag dumating yung panahon na pinapadali na ng gobyerno ang buhay ng mga pilipino.

After school, my daughter went to a playground at the mall. She was so happy because this was my little treat for her to celebrate a milestone. We paid for a two-hour play session, and she was excited to spend the afternoon there.

After almost an hour, my daughter came up to me and said she wanted to go home. She didn't seem grumpy or upset, but I could tell that something was wrong. That feeling stayed with me even after we had some snacks.

During our car ride home, I finally asked her what had happened. I told her that I had a feeling something was bothering her and that she could always tell me anything because I would always be her safe space. That was when she started opening up.

Apparently, another child approached her and became her playmate. They eventually started talking about their lives, and the child asked where her mother and father were. My daughter explained that she only had her mother because I am a single mom.

The other child then told her that she was not blessed by God. My daughter was even told that she would eventually burn in hell. According to the other child, only children of married couples were blessed. My daughter took those words to heart.

As a mother, it breaks my heart to know that my child had to experience something like that. I wish I could have protected her from hearing those words, but I also know that I cannot shield her from everything the world might throw at her. What I can do is remind her that our family is no less worthy of love and respect just because it looks different from others. Being raised by a single mother does not make her any less blessed, loved, or deserving of happiness.

To my fellow parents, please teach your children to be mindful of what they say to others. Teach them that not every family looks the same and that differences are never an excuse to belittle someone. Children learn their values from the adults around them, and we have a responsibility to guide them toward empathy, kindness, and respect.

I hope no child ever has to question their worth because of another child's words. I hope we raise children who know how to be kind, even when they encounter someone whose life is different from their own.

It bothers me kasi I saw this post talking about people that "dont seem to care" abt sa El Niño. Especially some comments na parang may lack of empathy sa mga d nagpreprepare and even mock and look down on them.

Maghoard ng stocks, bumili ng malalaking balde para mag ipon ng tubig, save extra cash in case of emergencies. Tama naman lahat ng yan, it's best for us to be prepared kahit papaano. But just because YOU are capable of being prepared, doesnt mean that others who arent are ignorant, stupid, hard-headed, or dont believe in El Niño.

You have to understand that the majority of Filipinos earn low income/are from low income families. May mga families that worry about loans/utang, rent, medical bills, electric bills, etc. There are single parents, working students, street vendors, farmers, ordinary people that have too many problems in their hands to focus on the upcoming drought and storms. Which is why they would most likely prioritize other things rather than the El Niño. And I was only talking about those who live in rural and urban areas, paano pa kaya sa mga nakatira sa remote, isolated areas with no water or electricity? Dont forget that we are a 3rd world country suffering inflation as well, naku mahal na ng bilihin as in.

Oo, pwede parin naman gawan ng paraan yan kahit papaano. But even that has its own limits depending on the person's financial capabilities. It wont be enough for some/most to last the entire El Niño. Which is why dito ko nakikita kung bakit ung iba ay pinipilit na "resilient" sila and brush off this crisis, it may be their way of coping with the fact that they cant afford prepare and only have to rely on their resilience.

I am not encouraging people to simply think of El Niño as something na dapat hayaan nalang mangyari at wag na maghanda, nor am I defending the those who dont prepare for the wrong reasons. This is simply a loooonggg insight as to why there are those who choose not to prepare for the upcoming global crisis.

To those who are fully prepared, I salute you for being able to take care of yourself/your family. But before you judge those who dont do the same as you do, put yourselves on other people's shoes first.

TLDR: Sorry na ung iba kasi sa amin d afford maghoard or bumili ng equipment e, may mga pinagdadaanan din kasi kami na mas kailangan unahin😔✌️

Congrats mga pre md na kayo lahat, finally pasado na lahat ng tropa except me. I am happy for you guys!, pero ako siguro medyo depressed lang di ko na kasi na tuloy eh sensya na mga pre dito na lang me mag labas muna ng feelings di ko rin masabi sa iba talga nararamdaman ko. Frustrated lang ako sa sarili ko kasi di ko na natuloy yung pangarap ko, choice ko rin naman to and siguro may konting pagsisi pero wala eh nandito na tayo wala na rin naman magagawa.

Sina Mama at Papa ko di nila gustong irespeto yung huling habilin ng kuya ko.

Gusto ng kuya ko, icremate tapos itapon sa dagat.

Na-cremate na siya, tapos ngayon gusto siyang ibaon sa lupa. Pinakahabilin nga niya na ayaw niyang mabaon sa lupa. Tapos pinipilit ng magulang ko nasa paniniwala daw nila. Eh hindi nga sila pareho ng paniniwala, atheist yung kuya koooo????!!!!!

Nakakainis lang, namatay na nga yung tao, pinipilit pa nilang bastusin at di irespeto dahil lang sa paniniwala nila. 30 years old na namatay kuya ko, may sarili na siyang desisyon nung mga time na yun. Respeto man lang sana.

Nakakainis lang.

Ang mahal mabuhay ngayong inflation

Grabe lang this month is the peak this year

How r u guys coping

D ko na alam

Parang ang dami ko nang tinipid tapos need pang mas maghigpit ng sinturon

Pero parang life goes on lang sa labas

After a year of trying in working sa ibang bansa, I went back home last year to Ph to pursue and thrive. I want to give PH a chance despite of everything that is going around.

Hindi ako masaya sa naging work ko dito, este hindi ako naging masaya sa nakasama ko sa work. Grabe yung manipulation ni Kabayan to the point na hindi ako nakakatulog ng maayos at talagang ina anxiety ako everytime nasa office ako with her. Hinihiling ko pa lagi na sana may mangyari sa aking masama just not to work with her. My boss is great though, pero alam kong pag nag sumbong ako mas may edge pa din sa kabayan.

Anyway... I tried looking for a job sa PH but grabe yung rejectionSSSS. To the point na I was willing to start with 20k again para makapag simula lang ulit. It took me 6 months to have a wake up call na pucha ano bang gusto nila??? Hahaha

My mom out of nowhere insisted me to come back again abroad. Ayoko nung una pero practical na talaga. Gusto ko na mabili yung luho ko at naubos ko na ipon ko.

I came back... and it took me a month lang. 1 month at nagka work na ako!!!!!

It's too early for me to say this but 1 month and counting na ako dito sa company. Ang bait ng senior ko na ibang lahi. Mas may patience siya to guide me. Nakakatulog na din ako at mas excited akong pumasok kasi alam kong may matutunan ako.

Ito yung pinagdasal ko na mapunta ako sa mabait na senior. 🥺🥺🥺

Grabe talaga si Lord pag alam niyang kung para saan ka talaga. No kung no eh. 😭

Gusto ko lang ishare kasi grabe yung pinagdaan ko sa PH and want to let you guys know na meron at meron pa ring pag-asa.

JOB DUST FOR EVERYONE LOOKING!!!!! ✨️✨️✨️

I know that I have so much love and have so much capability to love someone but I don't think I can be in a relationship anymore. I don't think I will ever be someone who can give myself fully to someone again. I'm nearing my mid 30s, I always wanted to be a dad, to have a family, to give all my love to my future wife and kids but sadly, I think that it isn't something for me anymore.

I lost the girl I always thought I would spend my life with. She betrayed me for 3 years, gaslit me and blamed me by telling me I'm toxic, I'm insecure, by threatening to break up.

She never proved what the extent of her betrayal was, she trickled truth me for months and months. She continued to lie for weeks about different matters aside from her cheating.

I only had two long relationships, sadly both my partners cheated on me.

Being cheated on takes something inside you that you know you won't be able to rebuild again. You lose the capability to be at peace, to be trusting, to not worry if you'll be hurt again.

Sadly, I can never give all this love again. I can never give myself again. I can never trust anyone again.

Dear Cookie,

Two weeks since we said goodnight. Today also marks the first day I haven't cried for you. We got you back last week, day after my birthday.

Daddy and I spent a lot of time fixing up your little corner in my bookshelf. We bought a display case, sorry ginawa ka naming popmart toy hehe, pero yun yung sumakto sa needs namin (alam mo naman maliligalig mga kapatid mo).

"Sama-sama na tayo ulit", sabi ni Daddy mo. Somehow, that broke and healed me all at once.

Your tiny corner is so cute. Small urn, your whiskers, your dino onesie, paw print, and your fur samples that the funeral home took so much care to arrange, making it look like your actual paw. Fairy lights!

Thank you for the birthday gift, you actually came into my dreams. Twice pa nga in this past week. Napanaginipan ka din daw ni Daddy. We miss you everyday. I wish we had more time. I wish I could still say I have five cats. Saying four feels... wrong.

Maghike kami ulit ni Daddy this Sunday, carrying you in our hearts every step of the way, and along with every other ache we've been carrying this past few months.

Always thinking of you, Fatboi.

Good night, Cookie. We love you forever.

Love,

Mommy

hi offmychestph, it's me again. nag ppms lang ako and currently, i don't really have anyone to talk to so dito na lang ako maglalabas ng sama ng loob uli.

ang dami kong nababasa na nagsasabing di naman karera ang buhay pero bat ganun, feel ko napag-iwanan na ko?

growing up, i feel like hindi ko na experience yung mga bagay na na-experience ng iba. yung tipong may mag aaya na lang sayo tapos mag party party kayo ng friends mo, or may mag aaya mag hiking, or yung tipong nakaka labas ka at nagagawa mo gusto mo kasi may financial freedom ka to do so. hindi kasi ako pinayagan mag work as a sideline nung nag aaral ako, focus lang daw ako sa studies ko, and sure enough — naka graduate naman ako with latin honors. pero alam niyo yun? hanggang ngayon dinadamdam ko pa rin ng todo yung feeling na ang dami kong namiss out sa buhay. ang dami kong hindi na experience dahil lagi na lang ako nag titipid, lagi na lang ako mindful of my own expenses kasi limited lang din binibigay sakin na allowance.

next week monday, birthday ko na, pero feel ko iiyak lang ako kasi hindi ko nanaman magagawa mga gusto kong gawin

dumaan sa feed ko yung video ni dr. kilimangaru about sa kung paano makaalis sa “survival mode” and one of his main points dun is kailangan mo gumawa ng paraan na i-drop yung mga bagay nagho-hold back sayo.

sounds easy right?

pero paano kung di ko naman kontrolado yung sitwasyon?

nakakapagod na rin minsan. i’m already 26 years old, and until now hindi ko pa rin alam kung anong path ba dapat yung tahakin ko. parang lagi akong naghahabol. di ko alam kung tamad ba ko, hindi ba enough yung skills ko, or sadyang ginagago lang ako ng mundo hahaha. it’s been 10 months since I was laid off from my full time job, and since then parang lagi akong nasa “survival mode”.

i work as a freelancer/business owner. nagkakaroon ng clients every now and then, pero wala pa rin akong nahahanap na full time until now, and hindi rin ako makapag-full time dahil sa sitwasyon ng family namin ngayon.

my mom has cancer, stage 4. ako lang yung inaasahan sa pamilya namin maglakad lagi ng papeles niya for medicine and other procedures niya. i mean, wala naman sa akin yun, ayos lang kahit ilang beses akong naglalakad every month para sa gamot niya, pero ayun dahil doon I need to sacrifice my career (which I’m not sure if career nga bang matatawag) and shift into a more flexible setup. hindi ako makapag-full time dahil most likely matatanggal din ako kung madalas akong mag-aabsent para maglakad ng papers niya. thankfully naman, kahit papaano may freelance projects ako na totally flexible kasi nga project-based lang naman. unlike pag nag-full time ako, mas hindi ko matutukan and maasikaso yung gamot ng mom ko kung sakali.

i don’t want to make it like an excuse and to sound na parang sinisisi ko yung sitwasyon pero, minsan napapaisip lang ako kung hanggang kailan ako ganito. ngayon, napapaisip na naman ako kung saan ako kukuha ng income for november. yung next client payment ko kasi most likely december ko pa makukuha. tapos after non, panibagong hanap ulit. i mean, mahal ko naman yung ginagawa ko. pero pakiramdam ko lang i can do so much more sana kung di lang napunta sa akin tong responsibility na to. but then, family comes first naman always, and ok na rin siguro na na lay-off ako nung january kasi mas nakapagfocus ako sa mga needs ng mom ko. sinabi ko rin na what if mag-abroad nalang muna ako or sumampa sa barko para mas makatulong sa finances, sabi niya wag na daw muna. kasi ok pa naman kami, and tbf mas ok din naman yun kasi ayoko na umalis ako tapos umabot sa point na di ko na makikita yung mom ko pag-uwi.

ayun. gusto ko lang ilabas dito kasi ayoko rin naman na ‘to i-dump sa ibang tao dahil masyado ring mabigat. gusto ko na makaalis sa ganitong sitwasyon. kung may ganito rin na similar na situation sakin, sana malampasan natin to.

My feelings center so much around self-shame, inferiority, and a heavy amount of guilt and regret. I didn't get to experience the canonical “female” events (like having a period around that same age range, sharing makeup and clothes, giving tips and whatnot, etc) that almost all girls, if not every girl in my life, got to go through. Not that it is anyone else's fault, it was my mistake for being obese, and due to being bullied at school for looking too much like a man, ostracized, and then pressured into actually identifying as one, I struggled to change for years. Having this male persona where I practically took everything like how a “real man should and would” made me insensitive to insult, assault, and situations which should've required the normal person to be angry or in grief about. I had videos and pictures taken of me that most likely still floats around group chats I know nothing of. I am probably still being talked about by the same seniors who used to humiliate me (and once again, took video/s of) and my partner during ballroom practices—maybe even the subject of gossip by my previous teachers at their workplace. I wonder if they repeat the same verbal violence they once spoke to me every hour, every minute of day to someone who carries my exact shadow. No matter what I do, even though I've lost weight, it still follows me like skeletons hidden in the closet. Those toxic, no, abusive friendships? Nothing more than just teens being teens, nothing for me to be traumatized about. Being dragged around like that, subjected to (mild, anyway) physical pain, isolated by my own peers, doing things out of my own will, having to just accept where they touched me, how they talked to me, the things they made me do, say and, act—everything's glossed over; I'm forgotten, like a breeze you'd think for a moment was refreshing, before it passes by through you.

How do I even explain this? Being a man feels like a societal expectation. It's what people have asked from me this entire time. It is a role I've perfectly embodied, blueprinted, and acted out in timely likeness. After assuming this false identity, I had never felt emotions ever again. I didn't know how to be anything else but consistently happy. Even when I was disassociating, even when my amnesia got so severe, I still get small chunks of memory till this day, even when I coped by wallowing it all down and choosing to forget myself. When I had crushes, I would get sick for months, refusing to acknowledge my feelings, and would wake up in persistent disgust. I had to remind and teach myself how to smile. I had no real humor, no real interests, no real hobbies, so I was the perfect vessel for projection. I wasn't a being that could change. I was not human. Therefore, I was incapable of pain.

Compared to that, being a woman feels like a biological assignment—like a prophecy bestowed, a calling I should've answered long ago. It's not as though being a girl was ever good for me either. I went through worst when I 'used' to be a girl as a child, up until my tween years before these incidents. But now, want to be a woman. But I can't be, because I'm already a man. But how could I be a woman, even so more hold the desire to be one, when a man is all I've ever been? But I can't be a man anymore, because now that I've lost all that weight, people expect me to be more of a woman. Then who even am I? It's like two black holes competing as to who can swallow the other first. I cannot live without being a man. But I also cannot live without being a woman. And in truth, I cannot live with both. I don't know who I am anymore.

Today's my birthday, I honestly don’t even feel like celebrating my birthday. I just want to treat it like any other day and continue working in the office as usual.

I think it started back in college when I became a workaholic because of my commitments to student organizations. Every October, there would be an important institutional event at my university, and I always played a significant role in making it happen. Eventually, I got so used to prioritizing work, responsibilities, and everyone else’s needs that celebrating my own birthday became an afterthought.

A lot has happened this year, too. I've been exhausted since August, when our department turned upside down. There's been so much to adjust to, and honestly, I just want some peace in my life. I don't want any drama, but somehow, it always finds its way to me. Add personal problems to the mix, and this October has been particularly difficult. I've found myself spiraling and falling back into self-sabotaging habits, and I'm honestly just tired but still functioning.

I even cancelled a dinner date my girlfriend had planned because I wanted to spend my weekend focusing on my report for my master’s class and her budget got tight 'coz something came up in her home.

Then, a coworker found out that my birthday is this Friday and suggested that we organize a potluck at the office since her birthday is also coming up the following week, although she had already filed for PTO next Friday (her birthday). I agreed, and a few days later, after I had already ordered food for the potluck, she suddenly backed out because she decided she'd rather celebrate during her own birthday week.

Now I'm stuck preparing a birthday potluck on my own for something I didn't even want to celebrate in the first place. I was perfectly fine spending my birthday like any other ordinary workday, nobody even knew my birthday is coming up, but somehow, I ended up organizing a celebration I never even planned for myself.

At this point, I don't even know if I genuinely don't care about celebrating my birthday anymore or if I'm just too exhausted to make a big deal out of it. Maybe I've spent so much of my life being the person who makes things happen for everyone else that I've forgotten how to make space for myself.

I don't want grand celebrations or anything extravagant. I just want to get through this year with a little less stress, a little more peace, and the chance to breathe without feeling like I have to deal with another problem. For once, I just want things to be okay.

Gabe it stings talaga minsan kasi talagang oily skin ko. Tapos itong boss ko habang nag-uusap kaming mga babae, di pa pala nakamove on dun sa checklist ko dati before ako maregular.

Backstory: May 2 checklists kasi nung period na probi ako, 1 yung for work operations and 2 yung sa grooming. Yung sa grooming mga simple lang yon as in if nakamakeup ba ako or if nagsusuot ba ko id, nakauniform ba etc.

Sabi niya ako na raw maggrade sa self ko hahaha so ang ginawa dahil nagmamadali na kami non, pinerfect ko, as in 100% huhu di ko naman alam na seseryosohin niya pala. Nainis daw siya. Tapos kagabi napaalala ko na may checklist ulit ako kasi nag-iba ulit ako role sa work so may grading sheet ulit me pero wala na yung sa grooming (habang nagssmalltalk kami nung mga new hires kasama siya at yung bisor puro kami gurls) Sabi ba naman, biglang inungkat, di exactly to pero eto..

"Oh *name ko* ikaw yan na naman may grading sheet ka na naman. Ayusin mo baka madaliin mo na naman kami. Akalain mo itong babaeng to (nagsshare na siya sa iba) pinerfect yung grade niya, dun sa grooming, akala mo naman talagang malinis eh (inulit niya pa yan haha)

(Tapos nagreact yung isang new hire nga eh, grabe naman Ma'am ang sabi)

Kasi nagsting lang dahil struggle ko talaga oily skin, saka may pimples ako lalo na ngayon may dark spots pa then ang buhok ko pa di ko talaga alam if lalambot pa kaya nga nagpagupit na ko maikli. Pero kasi boss ko parang inis na inis sa mukha ko? Sa totoo lang haha grabe, iniisip ko yong sinabi niya until now. Tingin ko kasi talaga sa face ko is maasim na nga hahaha tapos ginanon pa huhu may right evenue naman sana sa gano'ng call out ng boss di ba, wag naman sana sa kami-kami pang mga babae. Mukha naman kasi silang mga ulikba, lamang lang sila ng kinis eme 😭😭

Known naman sa amin na maarte yung boss namin plus may pagka-mapanglait. Gusto niya mabango, maayos ganyan pero grabe talaga kasi inaayos ko naman sarili ko, saka if nakikita ko naman ibang kasama ko, hindi talaga sila gaanong nag-aayos but if maccompare mo talaga, medyo put up together silang tingnan kasi nga nabiyayaan ng magandang buhok plus walang acne. Ako kasi tingin ko talaga kahit di pa siya nagsasalita, mukha akong madungis, which is di ko makontrol medyo kasi nga talagang may acne pa rin eh 😭😭 ang mahal na ng binili kong mga gamot. Kaya nga magpapaderma ako noon ko pa pinaplano. Pero grabe talaga yung boss ko na yon to exert yung pagiging superior niya. Sabi talaga, akala mo naman kung sinong malinis, ang dating kasi sa akin, kahit anong effort ko ng pag-aayos, mukha pa rin akong ulikba haha

Yung visor ko nga naramdaman siguro na grabe naman yung boss ko, ang dagdag ba naman niya, oo kasi ma'am yung araw minsan wala siyang lipstick (dinaan na lang sa lipstick) pero I know sa self ko, yung overall appearance ko yung tinatarget ni boss

I'm tired of being unemployed.

I am tired of being penniless due to being unemployed (I was let go kahit maayos ang performance ko sa dating workplace, hinanapan ako ng butas para magka-dahilan silang alisin ako), naubos na savings ko, swerte na lang ako dahil kahit papano, I still have shelter with food and utilities being shouldered for the meantime by my siblings na kasama ko sa bahay.

I am tired of the ghostings by employers when applying for jobs. Napakahirap mag-hanap ng trabaho. Mas mahirap na hindi tulad ng dati. Marami ang responsibilities for very small pay. Kahit justified ang training/credentials mo, babaratin ka pa lalo.

Pagod na ako kaka-apply. Kahit sa sobrang baba ng sahod and way lower position kaysa sa last position ko, pinapatos ko na, pero wala pa rin. ATS-friendly na CV ko, wala pa rin.

Everyday, tambay sa Indeed, Jobstreet, Kaliburr, Upwork, FB Groups, CSC website, atbp. na job listing website.

May interviews, mostly ghosted. Buti pa yung iba na may decency to give a rejection notice. Took exams for government agencies, wala rin. May mag-sched ng interview, pero sila yung hindi sisipot/tatawag.

Wala na talaga akong pera, I've resorted into selling some of my stuff para lang magka-pamasahe ako sa interview kasi nahihiya ako na humingi sa mga kapatid ko. Okay na yung they would temporarily shoulder my share of the bills and they'll share food with me.

I'm just doing what I can din para makatulong dito sa bahay, doing chores, preparing and/or cooking food, volunteering na sa bahay. Isang way din for me is not using yung aircon ko, ilang buwan ko na hindi ginagamit to help reduce yung electric bill kahit everyday sila mag-aircon.

Back to the point, pagod na ako maging unemployed. Mag-November na, wala pa rin, sana bago matapos ang taon, matanggap ako. Ayaw ko na ng ganitong nararamdaman, I feel worthless minsan.

My boyfriend and I have been together for more than a year na. Early in the relationship, nalaman kong hindi pala maayos at malinis ang hiwalayan nila ng ex nila (and some other things). Pinalagpas ko at sinubukan naming ayusin ang relasyon. Pero walang linggo o buwan na lilipas na hindi ako umiiyak. Still, I stayed in the relationship kasi mahal ko pa rin siya.

Moving forward, nagkakaroon na kami ng issues sa isa't isa. Para sa kanya, I don't consider his feelings enough. Pero para sa akin, masyado siyang seloso at emotional. He's my first boyfriend and I'm in my late 20s. I've been that single and independent aries girlie my whole life at unti-unti akong naiirita sa mga gusto niyang baguhin ko sa sarili ko. I wouldn't go into details but some examples are:

1. Halos bawat galaw ko, dapat ma-update ko siya (nakaalis na, nakasakay na, pababa na, naglalakad na, etc.);

2. Halos pagbawalan na niya akong dumikit sa kahit sinong lalaki, kahit matagal ko na kaibigan, hindi straight, ganun ang friendship dynamics namin, etc.;

3. Gusto niyang hinahatid at sinusundo ako at all times, kahit sa sinasabi kong lakad ko, at mas prefer ko na ako lang ang pupunta at uuwi na mag-isa;

4. Ang bilis niya magtampo, kahit saglit lang akong hindi makakapag-reply, even on working hours, even when I'm with my friends;

5. If it's something na gusto naming pareho (music or food), dapat kaming dalawa lang ang pupunta concerts, pop ups, fests, kahit may other friends akong nag-aaya rin o pwedeng sumama sa amin;

6. Kulang na lang, halos lahat ng non-essential free time ko, nasa kanya na kahit ilang beses ko na rin sinabi na 'wag niya akong gawing mundo niya.

And the list goes on. Maraming beses na kaming nag-usap na para na akong nasasakal sa paraan ng pagmamahal niya sa akin. Babawasan daw niya, babaguhin daw niya. Pero paulit-ulit pa rin. I know I may be seen as insensitive o hindi dapat pumapasok sa relasyon to some, kung ganito ang mindset at personality ko. Ramdam ko lang din talaga na hindi kami nagma match sa isa't isa sa maraming bagay.

Ang kaso, may suicidal or self-sabotaging tendencies siya. Mag-isa lang siya sa apartment niya at ilang beses na rin siyang nag-post about exiting this world every time na may malalang pagtatalo kami. He doesn't have other friends, he's not close to his family nor co-workers. Ako lang ang literal na nakakausap at nakakasama niya sa araw-araw. I know this because I see his social media accounts, at wala siyang ibang ka-chat or anything. Nagbabasa lang siya ng manga sa phone o nagso-scroll ng shorts/reels/tiktok.

Sa tuwing maiisip ko na ayaw ko na, pagod na ako sa ganitong situation, maaalala ko na siya rin, napapagod pero hindi naman nakikipaghiwalay. Sobrang dalas naming "mag-explain" sa mga bagay-bagay na napagdidiskusyunan namin. Nakakapagod na para akong nagbabantay lagi sa gagawin at sasabihin ko, worrying na baka magtampo o sumama ang loob niya. And at some point, I'm pretty sure na ganun din ang pakiramdam niya sa akin.

We've had a breakup attempt twice now, pero hindi natutuloy sa hiwalayan dahil magme-message siya at magre-reply pa rin ako. I have a gut feeling na kaya ko makipaghiwalay, mami-miss ko pero kaya ko mag-move on. I was never a "boy-crazy" type of person, at siya lang ang lalaking pinansin ko sa lahat ng nagkagusto sa akin. I've been single my whole life before him kaya alam ko sa sarili ko na hindi ako 'yung tipo na made-depress o malulugmok kapag nawalan ng boyfriend.

My mom and I was on a video call last night with my tita at napansin niya (tita) na may healing pimple ako sa mukha. Biniro niya ako na in love daw ba ako (she doesn't now that I have a boyfriend). Napaisip ako, in love ba talaga ako o I'm simply just in a relationship. Hindi ko rin masagot ang sarili ko o baka hindi ko lang maamin sa sarili ko na hindi ko na ramdam na "in love" ako.

Maraming beses ko na naisip na gusto ko na makipaghiwalay pero mas naiiyak akong isipin na wala siyang makakasama kapag umalis ako sa buhay niya. Ang pangit man pakinggan na naaawa at nag-aalala ako para sa kanya pero ayun ang klase ng pagmamahal na nararamdaman ko ngayon sa relasyon namin.

Minsan iniisip ko na baka mali talaga 'yung pang-unawa ko, at masyado akong stuck sa "buhay single" na mindset. Sinubukan kong i-adjust lahat ng ginagawa ko para sa kanya pero unti-unti kong naiisip na hindi na ako 'to, napapagod ako, nakakasuya na lang.

Silently checking out pero hindi ko rin maiwan.

Its been 5 years since my papa passed away from corona seriously i can't express my pain. Its been 5 years still i cry sometimes at night can't express my feelings to anyone because i have to be strong for my mother and my brother. I feel like if i cry on someone shoulder i will make myself weak. But i genuinely want a shoulder to cry upon. Too hard for me i have to handle all things by myself. I am indian

(Spoiler alert: This one's a bit of a downer.)

Two months ago, I was discarded by someone who avoids commitment. Today, I accidentally saw my ex with their new partner for the first time since the breakup (if you can even call it that). It threw me off, so I took a day off work.

Initially, I just planned to wallow all day. But then I thought, I don’t want to waste my entire day just thinking about what happened. I also wasn't in the right headspace to work. So, I did what any reasonable person would do... I opened ReClub and looked for an open play near me. 😅

It was my first time joining open-play badminton. I was a bit hesitant because I haven’t played in six months due to a medical condition and surgery. I felt like a newbie again, and I was worried I might not play well or become a burden to my partner.

I've tried pickleball a few times this past month, but badminton is still different. Sorry, not sorry. 😅 Before surgery, I was a decent intermediate player. I could control my shots, although my playmates knew I wasn’t the type to chase after every ball even if it cost us the game. HAHAHAHA

Lately, I’ve also noticed that I've become more aloof and socially awkward. I'm no longer the social butterfly I was before. I usually play with workmates, so joining an open play with complete strangers was a little outside my comfort zone. I enjoy doing things alone and genuinely like my own company, but this was different. In badminton doubles, you really have to communicate with your partner.

Thankfully, the queue manager (QM) was accommodating and the players were friendly. I met new people and even bonded with someone right away (of course, they were the first ones to approach me HAHAHAHA). I didn't expect it to be this fun! I missed the adrenaline rush from playing. I actually wished I had started sooner.

I guess that's one thing I'm learning about healing: you don't always have to wait until you're okay before you start living again.

Sometimes, you just have to get out of bed, find something to do, and show up for yourself. Even if you're alone. Even if you're nervous. Even if you’re not 100% okay.

Today, I chose to do something for myself instead of spending the whole day sulking. And for a few hours, I got to enjoy something that had nothing to do with my breakup. That's a win in my book. 💜

...Until the number of players increased and the waiting time got longer. So, I had some idle time between games.

I joined to move on, but the music on the court felt like a breakup anthem. 😭

It's like the universe said, “Oh, you want to heal? Here’s your soundtrack.” 💀 HAHAHAHAHA

Kayo rin ba? There's heaviness deep within na hindi ko masabi o mapangalanan o kahit bigyan ng description kasi hindi ko alam kung anong dahilan ba't ako nagkakaganon.

Kumbaga, maraming factors ang posibleng nakakaimpluwensiya kaya ’di matukoy ang puno't dulo ng lahat.

It keeps boggling my mind, and it's stuck in my chest.

I have 18 cats. All of which are rescues. Earlier this year, the eldest of them all caught Feline Infectious Peritonitis (FIP). We just finished 84 shots of medication. I barely had enough time to recover from the fear of losing him until this week, one of the younger cats was diagnosed of Chronic Kidney Failure. Yung takot ko patong-patong, nahihirapan ako huminga. Literal na parang sasabog dibdib ko. I love my cats so much, parang mauuna ako sa kanila because of broken heart syndrome pag nagkakasakit sila.

Kailangan ko lang Talaga itong ilabas. Before anything else, I’m also working towards achieving what I want in life since its my responsibility now. I owe myself that much.

Ever since bata ako, lagi akong nacocompare ng lola ko sa apo ng kapatid nya (2^nd cousins ko) kaya ko rin siguro ito nararamdaman. Mayaman kasi magulang din nun. Apat silang girls. Ako syempre na girl din, kaya nacoocmpare. Sa grades, sa kung san magaling, sa activities, etc. I came from a middle class fam. We rent, no car, but im thankful kasi never naman kami nagutom. Sa private rin naman kami pinagaral. Pero ayun nga, kanina nagising akong nag announce yung pinsan kong one year younger lang sakin na buntis sya and nag gender reveal na. Well may kaya naman sila kahit 23 palang sya. Nakakatravel sila sa US even yung lalaki may kaya yung pamilya. Hindi ko maiwasang mainggit. Maiinggit na they never have to worry about working, about money, about the future of their kids kasi mayaman naman lahat ng pamilya nila. Her older sister flys private planes with his bf. Ako, andito, nagtitiis sa toxic kong trabaho kasi ako yung panganay at ako ang back up plan. Nagkataon pang 2 years na ata akong survival mode since college grad haha. Hindi ko maiwasang mainggit kasi parang they have the freedom to do whatever they want. Ngayon, sigurado akong macocompare nanaman kami. NBSB ako at 24, sila lahat may bf, magkaka anak na rin yung isa. Its funny how kapag nabbring up rin na kung bat wala pa kong jowa ang sinasabi ko nalang ay ayaw ko rin naman magkaanak pero deep inside, pangrarap ko yun. I want to build my own family, be loved & have my own kids. Funny how sa mundo na maraming ayaw na mag kaanak, pangarap ko yun & ofc gusto ko lang rin kapag sigurado akong kaya ko silang bigyan ng Magandang buhay. Wouldn’t want to have kids ng hindi ko naman kaya at dahil lang gusto ko. Ang sakit lang nun haha na nagpapanggap akong ayoko or wala akong paki para wala lang masabi pero pangarap ko rin naman yun. Kasi sa totoo lang gusto ko rin naman maexperience magdate at magmahal or masaktan & learn from those.

Alam ko naman na hindi ko dapat kinocompare kasi magkaiba kami ng upbringing and magkaiba kami ng opportunities na nilatag nung pinanganak kami. Iba ang social status ng mga magulang naming at alam ko rin na dahil adult na ako, ako na ang responsible pagandahin buhay ko. Sadyang may mga araw lang Talaga na d ko mapigilan yung mga ganyang pakiramdam kaya gusto ko lang mailabas. Pls also note na I never showed any bad attitude towards them sa mga nararamdaman ko. Never ko naman prinoject kahit kanino. Tinatago ko lang rin sakin kasi nahihiya akong ganun nararamdaman ko.

nakakainis!!! nakakagalit!! hindi ko alam kung jowa ba itong matuturing 😭

sinabihan lang naman ako ng jowa ko ng ganito after ko sabihin na wala akong pera

"Tska na tayo magusap ang dami kong problema".

for context

kulang ang pera nya pantubos sa jersey ng mga bagets nya sa vball, nanghihiram sya ng pera sakin which is malaking halaga and wala akong ganon dahil wala na ko work as of now at alam nya yon!

sabi ko saknya ang pera na nasakin ay yung pang bday trip na gagawin sa bday ko next week.

mind you kumuha din sya ng laptop under my name (oo alam ko tanga)

yung first month ako pumuno ng kulang

2nd month ako nagbayad pero sabi ko bayaran nya

may previous din syabg utang na hindi ko naman na muna sinisingil.

im struggling super pero hindi ko sya sinabihan ng ganyan

nakakasama lalo ng loob ni hindi ko nakompronta