Hi!! How you mommas/dads track hours ? Our nanny is part time, sometimes she spends 3 hours, sometimes 8 hours, depends, it’s hard to track everything on literal paper notes or in my mind, especially when we partially pay her with cash.
Any advice? How you keep track of all records ?

I’m a medical resident and work around 10 hours a day. I have a 1-year-old son, and we have a nanny who also works 10 hours a day taking care of him.
Every once in a while, I’m lucky enough to have a day off, whether it’s a sick day, academic day, or just a random PTO day when I desperately need to rest and recharge.
The problem is that whenever I’m home, my nanny almost always asks if she can leave early. She also starts making comments to my son like, “Go to mama!” or “Oh, you’re crying? You want mama!” even when she’s supposed to be watching him.

It’s honestly becoming really frustrating because I feel like I can’t enjoy a single day off without feeling guilty for having her work while I’m home. Sometimes I just want to sleep in, relax, or have a few hours to myself without being responsible for everything.
I get that she works long hours too, and I absolutely understand that taking care of a toddler is exhausting. But these are her agreed-upon working hours, and she’s already used up all her PTO and sick days.

Lately, I feel like she’s starting to resent me for “overworking” her, especially on days when I’m home. I can almost see the frustration on her face when she realizes I’m not planning to take over childcare or let her leave early.

I genuinely appreciate what she does, but I also feel like I deserve to rest on my days off. Just because I’m physically home doesn’t mean I’m automatically available to take over childcare.
Am I being unreasonable for expecting her to work her regular scheduled hours even when I’m off? Is this normal nanny behavior, or should I be setting clearer boundaries?
I’d really appreciate hearing from both parents who employ nannies and nannies themselves.

I want to ask around because I’m not sure if I’m overthinking this. My nanny showed up to work today wearing a quite revealing crop top where I could see her belly button, bra and boobs. It was one of those tie front tops. Every time I would look at the Nanit camera (top view) I could see a lot.
My husband also checks the cameras during the day and even he made a comment about her outfit.

I did not say anything to her but it has been bothering me all day. Am I crazy to feel uncomfortable about this? I just think I would never wear a revealing top to work but of course I work an office job. Anyway… can you please share your thoughts?

Please help me! Any advice would be appreciated

I’m looking for some honest perspectives from both nannies and parents about my 5-year-old NK’s behavior.
I have a significant allergy to a certain type of children’s slime. Contact with it causes skin reactions, and my throat can become scratchy and feel swollen. I’ve never needed an EpiPen, but it’s a legitimate allergy.
My NK is fully aware that I’m allergic. He’s been told repeatedly that it makes me sick and that he cannot touch me with it.

Despite this, he will intentionally throw the slime at me, cover his hands in it, and then chase me around trying to touch me. He knows exactly what he’s been told not to do, and this has happened repeatedly.

Mom, Dad, and Grandma have all intervened multiple times. They’ve explained why it’s dangerous, corrected him, made him apologize, and thrown away several containers of slime. However, he has so many that he’s now started hiding them so he can continue getting them out.

My bigger concern is that this isn’t an isolated behavior.

My NK is constantly physically aggressive toward others, including his own family members. He frequently does things that hurt people, and he often laughs when someone gets hurt or upset. He rarely shows any visible remorse, and even after apologizing or being corrected, he will turn around and repeat the same behavior.
It honestly feels like he finds people’s reactions entertaining, whether that’s someone being hurt, upset, or frustrated.

I understand he’s 5. I understand impulse control is still developing, that children test boundaries, and that empathy is something they are still learning. I also know that laughing doesn’t always mean a child actually finds something funny. Sometimes it’s a response to discomfort or overwhelming emotions.

But at what point do we stop attributing everything to age?
I’m not talking about the occasional hitting incident, tantrum, or impulsive decision. I’m talking about a consistent pattern of physically hurting people, laughing at their reactions, showing very little apparent remorse, and continuing the behavior despite repeated intervention from multiple adults.

The slime situation especially bothers me because it directly affects my physical health. Even if he doesn’t fully understand the potential medical consequences, he understands that it makes me sick, yet continues trying to expose me to it.

I genuinely care about my NK, and I’m not trying to label him as a bad kid. But I do think there’s a difference between normal childhood boundary testing and behavior that may require additional support or intervention.
So I’m curious what other nannies AND parents think:
Would you consider this developmentally typical behavior for a 5-year-old?

How would you handle a child who repeatedly tries to expose someone to a known allergen?
What would you do if your child or NK consistently hurt others and laughed about it?

As a nanny, would you continue working in this environment? And as a parent, what steps would you take if your child was behaving this way?

I’m genuinely looking for perspectives from people who have experience with children this age. I know 5-year-olds aren’t supposed to have perfect emotional regulation or impulse control, but I also don’t think repeated physical aggression and compromising someone’s safety should automatically be dismissed as “he’s only 5.”

Where do you draw the line between age-appropriate behavior and something that needs to be taken more
seriously?

TLDR: My 5-year-old NK is frequently physically aggressive toward others, laughs when he hurts people, and shows little to no remorse even after being corrected. I have a serious allergy to a certain type of slime, and despite knowing it makes me sick, he repeatedly throws it at me, covers his hands in it to touch me, and has started hiding containers after his parents and grandma tried removing them. This is part of a larger pattern of intentionally hurting others and laughing about it. I understand he’s only 5, but at what point does this go beyond normal boundary testing? Looking for perspectives from both nannies and parents on how they’d handle this and whether they’d consider seeking professional behavioral support.

I work from home. We hired a part time nanny to help out with our 3 month old for abour 15-20 hours a week. I like her and shes close/her living situation makes this a good arrangement for all of us, as she has open hours and we can give her pretty much exactly what she wants.

At first she was great. Confident with the baby, sociable. But now she seems to have gotten comfortable and she comes over looking so disheveled, which fine you're just hanging in the house, but she smells...bad. And I'm afraid there's a lingering cigarette smell mixed in with some mustyness.

What do I do???? We're only on week 3 and I'm just back to work.

We are expecting March 2027 and are planning to hire a part time nanny. I’m planning to spend ~38% of my take home pay on this (probably close to 18% of our household take home pay). I’m worried about feeling overextended financially, but wanted to see what others are spending and whether that feels comfortable for them or not.

Employers, what amount of time would you say is fair? Nannies, have you given notice 1-2months in advance and it work out well for you? My last day would be mid December. We have never had a contract in place, so I don’t have that for reference.

We’re about to hire a nanny for the first time. Our baby is 4mo old and we hope to have this person for many years. That being said, life is unpredictable and things happen and it could be the case that we end up having to fire her at some point if she’s no longer a good fit. I’ve heard of other people going through multiple nannies and it’s a situation I’d never want to be in. That being said, there’s plenty of things that have happened in my life that I never expected.

Something that’s come into my mind is the emotional impact on both the nanny and baby if that happens. We obviously take having a nanny seriously and wouldn’t fire her just because, but it did cross my mind that there could be emotional impact on the nanny and the baby.
Say we had to fire her when baby is a year or year and a half old. What are we looking at in terms of emotional impact on baby and nanny? How does it work when a nanny gets fired and there’s a bond from such a young age?

Not sure what I’m looking for in responses, just asking for perspectives from people who have been in this type of situation

Hey everyone! We are currently interviewing nannies for our son, and since this is our first time hiring a nanny, I’m trying to figure out what typical communication looks like throughout the day.

I’d love to get photos/updates during the day and a brief summary of how things went (like meals, naps, or fun moments), but I really don’t want to come across as a micromanaging parent or scare off great candidates during interviews!

For parents and nannies here:
1. Is asking for daily photos/updates standard, or is that considered asking too much?

2.How do you all usually handle communication? Is it just casual texting, a quick chat at handoff, or do you use an app / daily log?

1. Nannies, what’s your favorite or least favorite way parents ask for updates?

Would love to hear what works best for you all so we can set up a smooth system from day one!

Hi all, my wife and I have been nanny employers for about a year now. There are many great things about our nanny. She genuinely cares for our child, and our child loves her.

However, we’ve noticed she is struggling to keep up now that our child is an active toddler rather than the baby she started with.

While she is generally reliable in the sense that she isn't calling out for days at a time without notice, we rarely get a smooth, drama-free week. The biggest ongoing issue is that she seems to always be rundown, sometimes because she’s “sick” (which happens often) and many other times because she’s simply tired from working 3 or 4 days straight. We understand that you can’t help how you feel physically, but rather than pushing through and dealing with it, our nanny makes sure that we know both when she arrives and throughout the day that she’s tired/not feeling well. When it gets really bad it disrupts my work day when I work from home, or causes my wife to leave her job early to grab our daughter.

There is always something happening in her life that leads to late arrivals such as a stomach ache or, more often, early dismissals. Whether it's feeling run down, family obligations, or other personal issues, it is always something. While she isn't missing massive amounts of time in the aggregate, there is almost always something every week that results in losing around 5 hours of coverage.

This is tough for us because, like many nanny employers, my wife and I both have demanding careers. We have to work through being unwell, on holidays, and we routinely work nights and weekends. We hired a nanny to reliably relieve stress for those 40 hours a week that she’s supposed to be there, but instead, managing her personal circumstances and low energy has become an added source of stress.

We are coming up on her one-year mark and want to address these concerns during her annual performance review. As first-time nanny employers, we'd appreciate any advice on how to structure this conversation or where to start.

Six weeks ago, I finally moved out of a live-in nanny/housekeeper/employee situation into my own place. I have never felt happier, but now that its over, I am looking back at everything that happened and realizing how completely abnormal it was.

For context, I was working for a family where the mother also owned the business I worked at during the day.

The Financial & Work Setup:

• Pay: Way below minimum wage ( I am not comfortable with sharing as I still have a fear from the situation and am worried she might see)
• Perks covered: A room in the house, groceries, shared transport, and my university tuition (~$15k/year).
• The Hours:
  • 6:00 AM – 7:30 AM: Waking up, making breakfast, packing lunchboxes, getting kids dressed, and doing the school run.
  • 9:00 AM – 5:00 PM: Working at her commercial business.
  • 6:00 PM – 8:30 PM+: Helping with dinner, giving baths, putting kids to bed, and deep cleaning the living/dining areas.
  • Weekends: Regularly expected to be on call, clean, run domestic tasks as well as work from my laptop for her.
• Total time: Easily 14+ hour days spanning childcare, corporate work, and adult housekeeping.

The mother was notoriously erratic, stressed, and deeply insecure, treating me as her personal punching bag and domestic servant. Here are some of the things that took place:

• False Accusations: Her 4-year-old has a quirky habit of asking everyone to marry her. One day she asked her dad if he would marry me. The mom completely lost her mind, screaming and crying at both of us. Her mother pressured me until I was in tears, telling me I had to grovel and thank her for everything she’s done just to "prove" my innocence. The next day, the mom cornered me alone in the car and whispered that while her husband didn't do anything, she believed I did, saying she would "find out." When I asked how two people have sex where only one is guilty, she called me a slut.
• Workplace Humiliation: At her business, she routinely lashed out at me in front of other staff, gossiped about me to employees, and openly mocked me to undermine my professional standing.
• Isolating Me From Joy: She and her mother pressured me into quitting my 1-hour-per-week dance class, bluntly telling me, "We brought you here to work, not dance."
• Invasion of Privacy: She went through my personal belongings in my bedroom without permission and took photos of my private space.
• Appearance Police: Told me I was "ungroomed" and needed to take care of myself. When I took control of my health and lost weight, she immediately pivoted to criticizing my diet, calling it "too much."
• Holding My Future Hostage: Whenever I showed resistance or set boundaries, the mums mother would explicitly threaten to pull my university tuition and kick me out.
• Controlling Personal Relationships: She threw a massive emotional fit when I refused to cancel my Valentine’s Day plans with my boyfriend so she could go out with her friends. She was visibly bitter that my partner stayed locally instead of moving abroad, and threw a fit when I didn't invite her to my personal birthday party.
• Workplace Stalking: When I took on a separate job outside her sphere to build some independence, she was furious and literally showed up at my workplace to intimidate me.
• Forced Emotional Performance: Whenever I looked drained, sad, or exhausted from the grueling schedule, she and her mother would berate me for not smiling more, telling me I needed to look "happy and grateful" and stay invisible in the background.

I stayed as long as I did because the financial enmeshment made me feel trapped, and they constantly convinced me that I was "part of the family" and that they were doing me a massive favor.

Now that I am out, paying my own rent, and completely in control of my time, the contrast is shocking. Has anyone else experienced an employer blurring lines like this to extract endless labor and control your entire personal life?

This has also been happening for three very long years, so I am very lost in the universe at the moment. Any advice on mental health would be very appreciated. Thanks.

Update: Yes these people are my family. I did not mention that in my post because well I never really felt like we were and also, I was scared to give too much detail if they came across it and read it. 

Yes, I did use ai to help me write it. Mainly because when I did it myself, I thought it was poorly organized because English is not my first language and its a heavy and emotional subject to think about for me. 

I am still working for this person at their business just not living with them anymore. I dont know if it is really safe for me to continue that too and if I should try looking somewhere else for a job. Im worried she will try something here 

My son has a beautiful wardrobe of clothing both for play clothes and other occasions. My nanny has now bought him play clothes on three separate occasions that I don’t want him wearing. They are colors I don’t like for him with large graphics and characters on them. I know it comes from a place of kindness and generosity but I can’t have my child wearing these clothes. I’ve reimbursed her twice for these purchases but today I told her I prefer him to wear the clothes I buy for him and to please return the clothes she bought. I said if she feels he’s missing something in his wardrobe to tell me and I’ll happily buy it. I feel really bad but I don’t know how else to stop her from purchasing…..I also don’t have endless funds to reimburse her purchases of these things without asking my permission first. Has anyone else experienced similar?

Update: Thank you for your feedback! As first time parents, we didn’t want to overreact, but we decided to let her go because we need to be able to fully trust the person who is going to be taking care of our baby.

We already spoke with her and paid her severance to formally end the employment relationship. Thank you again for all the advice!

We hired a nanny for our 2-week-old newborn. In the days leading up to her start date, we realized that we probably don’t need a full-time nanny right now since our baby sleeps pretty well during the day.

We have had some issues with punctuality/attendance these days and I’m considering letting her go, but I’d like to get some outside perspective.

Here’s what has happened so far:

Day 1: She texted me one hour before her start time saying she was sick, needed to go to the doctor, and wouldn’t be able to come in.

Day 2: She arrived on time. We explained that for the first few months, we probably wouldn’t need her full time and that it would be more like part-time hours, but we would still pay her the full-time salary we had agreed on.

Day 3: She arrived one hour late. She didn’t message us until 30 minutes after her scheduled start time to say she was running late. My husband spoke with her and explained that punctuality is very important to us and asked her to please be mindful of it going forward.

Day 4: She arrived more than 30 minutes late again and didn’t text us beforehand or acknowledge/explain the delay when she arrived.

At this point, I’m considering letting her go, especially after we specifically discussed the punctuality with her the day before.

Would you give her more time, or would you consider this enough of a red flag to let her go?

Our nanny quit recently for a desk job. She has an opportunity to do a job she trained for and we are so happy she can do it - but ultimately sad since she and our child bonded so much. Unfortunately she only gave 1.5 week notice. She had already requested the Thursday and Friday of the last week off as vacation days.

Question is - is her last day on Wednesday (day before her vacation) or Friday (includes vacation days we previously discussed).

My child loved her so much so would like to give her something. Maybe some of what we were going to give her end of year bonus before she quit? Not sure what is right. Appreciate the advice!

Am I being unreasonable here? When interviewing our nanny, I specifically mentioned that I have a no perfume/fragrance preference and she agreed to it.

Recently she has started wearing a body cream that has a very strong scent. She says it's not perfume, and technically she's right, but the smell is just as strong as perfume and lingers. I don't think she's doing anything wrong intentionally, but the original concern was about strong fragrances in general, not just products labeled as perfume.

How would you bring this up politely? Would it be reasonable to ask her not to use that body cream while working, or am I being too picky?

Edit: Thank you all for the advice and perspective. I checked the agreement, and it only mentions perfumes (updating immediately!). I won’t assume things in the future. Also, I should add that I asked if she was wearing perfume, which is why she said it wasn’t and explained what it was. I’ll use this as an opportunity to clarify other points rather than make assumptions. I was just worried I was being too much.

Our nanny does not work 40 hours per week. Her schedule has her picking our kids up after school and then being with them till the end of the day.

There are some days in which school is closed and we asked her if she would be open to working a traditional 9-5 that day. She has done that before and we paid regularly.

We just asked her if she’d be interested in any other no school dates and she sent us a message that essentially said yes, but anything outside her working hours would be overtime.

To us that doesn’t really make sense, because she’s under the threshold of overtime in our state. More so, we have a year of precedent in which we’ve never paid her overtime unless she meet the legal statue. It’s also not in our contract that we pay her overtime outside of working hrs.

Are we missing something here? Are other nanny parents paying overtime when the legal standard hasn’t been made?

My husband is really quite irked, as she makes close to six figures with us and he feels like this is being nickled and dimed and a total change in precedent for something that amounts to $110 for the next 3 months. I just am more perplexed.

UPDATE: Thank you everyone for your comments and advice! Appreciate you all. She is a great nanny and we’re always open to discussing our contract but this felt like a place to hold the line. We’re going to stick with the 40+ hrs as the trigger for overtime, but we did ask her if she wanted to have a larger conversation about our contract. She said no and that she was happy, but we left the door open to chat! To be honest, we’re still a little confused on the thinking and tone in the initial email, but no point harboring over these things.

i’m posting here as a nanny!

Recently had an odd interaction. I’ve been with baby girl since almost her birth, she’s turning a year. Of course I care about and love her! However, I don’t do much in terms of affection like kissing her. I work with other young children and it’s purely just a germ thing for me, I don’t want to put my mouth all over her face when I know multiple kids can spread things. Spoke to a friend who employs a nanny and they told me they would think it was a red flag I was as close to her and her family and acted distant w affection (such as kisses) like that. I never thought about that. We’re close physically all the time, even contact napping sometimes, but am I overthinking it? As I said, I love my nanny kid, but I also don’t show affection as if I were her parent or something. Feedback helps as I’m looking for a second job and I really don’t know how employers feel about this, i’ve seen both sides

Not really an advice but wasn’t sure which one to pick.

Anyway…do you, parents/employers, really contact the references or just ask for them to see if the nanny will just be ok with sharing it?

My part time nanny and I have a casual agreement (in writing, but not really a contract) that I give her a certain amount of sick time, PTO, raises, etc., but never stipulated what the protocol would be when my kid is the one who is sick. She has another job, and I completely understand her being wary of coming in when there’s sickness in the house (especially if it’s something serious — I don’t want her getting very ill on my account). But I’m not really sure what the arrangement should be so it’s fair for both parties. I was a nanny for years, and never stopped coming in when my nanny kid was sick (I actually kept coming in when one of the parents had mpox, illness just doesn’t really freak me out) but I remember being frustrated that I was getting colds and stomach bugs all the time.

Anyways, on Monday my kid was sick (he had been 24 hrs without a fever and on the tail end of it) but since I felt myself getting sick too, I told her she could stay home (unpaid). On Tuesday he went to daycare and I went to work, he had a little lingering cough but no problems. Today (Wednesday) she came in like normal and told me later in the morning that he was super congested and generally still ill — not in an accusatory way, just letting me know what was going on. I feel badly that I put her at risk of getting sick (even if accidentally), but I also can’t realistically be away from work that much every time he has a cold. I also feel bad when she is out of work for a day, but I can’t afford to pay her every time she’s not coming in if it means I’m also missing a day of work.

I threw her some extra money for the day after she left, and told her I would do so in the future if she came in when baby is sick, but that’s really all I can afford to do. Is that enough? Money is really tight and she’s not a career nanny, just a kid trying to make some money while she pursues other things, but it matters to me that I treat her well. I’m a new parent and have never been on this side of the arrangement.