Physical affection?

[u/Pristine-Branch3309]

i’m posting here as a nanny!

Recently had an odd interaction. I’ve been with baby girl since almost her birth, she’s turning a year. Of course I care about and love her! However, I don’t do much in terms of affection like kissing her. I work with other young children and it’s purely just a germ thing for me, I don’t want to put my mouth all over her face when I know multiple kids can spread things. Spoke to a friend who employs a nanny and they told me they would think it was a red flag I was as close to her and her family and acted distant w affection (such as kisses) like that. I never thought about that. We’re close physically all the time, even contact napping sometimes, but am I overthinking it? As I said, I love my nanny kid, but I also don’t show affection as if I were her parent or something. Feedback helps as I’m looking for a second job and I really don’t know how employers feel about this, i’ve seen both sides

[u/Moal]

Uhh what? I think most nanny employers would appreciate their child’s nanny not kissing their baby. Many parents nowadays have no-kissing policies to avoid spreading things like cold sores and illnesses. 

I think what you’re doing is great and I wouldn’t let your friend’s comment get to you. 

[u/Pristine-Branch3309 → u/Moal]

I’m a former teacher who has done mandated reporter training several times. I personally know that I have no ill intent; but honestly, I feel like having strong boundaries is an important thing to know. Normalizing too much physical affection can end badly. I’m your nanny, we are good friends, but I don’t cross physical boundaries. i’ve felt strongly about this

[u/HelloFellowMKE → u/Pristine-Branch3309]

100%.  We had a super-pro nanny, great for our kids. Always clear boundaries about the relationship while giving her all to the kids.  We really appreciated it.

[u/pmmemorepuppies]

This is not a red flag. People have very different opinions on showing physical affection depending on cultures and upbringing. I would be more uncomfortable for a new nanny to kiss my child than not.

[u/ccrleadership]

I would not feel comfortable with my nanny kissing my baby

[u/MakeChai-NotWar]

Not a red flag at all! I think as long as you use your words to show affection and give the occasional hug, you’re totally fine. If you’re comfortable giving kisses on the top of the head, that’s sweet too, but I personally prefer that anyone other than Mom and Dad not kiss my children on the face.

That being said, not kissing them at all is completely fine! Affection and love can be shown in so many different ways. Kissing is just one of them, and children can absolutely feel loved and cared for through hugs, kind words, encouragement, quality time, and simply being warm and affectionate with them.

[u/NeedleworkerHot3957]

What? I would not want my nanny kissing my kids thankyouverymuch.

A hug? Sure!

[u/Living-Tiger3448]

You can be affectionate without kissing. I don’t think I’ve ever seen my nanny kiss my children on the face, but she’s sweet to them, hugs them, cuddles them when they can’t sleep/woke up from a nap early, etc. I’d prefer someone who doesn’t kiss my kids on the face (because of germs, not jealousy or anything)

[u/AmeliaPoppins → u/Living-Tiger3448]

This. I don’t kiss on the face or let them eat food after I’ve bitten it. I also avoid as much as possible them sticking their fingers in my mouth. Sometimes it’s a sneak attack when the other one creates a distraction 🤷🏻‍♀️

But we are very affectionate and say/sign/sing ‘I love you’ all the time. Lots of cuddles. Littlest one likes her hair stroked so she does this to us and it’s adorable.

Edited before I get deleted. Currently, the flair says ‘all welcome.’

[u/KittyFeat24]

Kissing is off limits… maybe a kiss on the belly or feet for the baby is fine like to make them laugh but not face! However that said, I would think it was a little odd if my nanny did not hug my children. So definitely huge difference between hug and kiss to me. In fact it gives me a huge relief when my child runs to my nanny to give a hug goodnight each day. Like oh good, they must have had a nice day.

[u/beans-888]

No, its definitely best practice not to kiss your nk, for many reasons lol there's a thousand ways to show affection that dont include your lips. VERY occasionally I'll kiss my NK on the top of their head if theyre really upset as just almost a last resort? Lol like it magically will send signals to their brain... if theyre hurting though and youve done all you can do... i think its more for me tbh lol but generally speaking, avoiding kisses is best. Ive always been taught thats something thats saved for family.

[u/wellnessformula → u/beans-888]

Top of head feels better to me too idk why. Not often but that’s the only time it’s semi okay.

[u/TheBandIsOnTheField → u/[deleted]]

I cannot imagine kissing my child while I’m sick.

[u/NannyEmployers-ModTeam → u/[deleted]]

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[u/NannyEmployers-ModTeam → u/[deleted]]

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[u/Big-Examination-4381]

If my nanny was always kissing my child’s face, id for sure have a conversation about not doing that 😅 you’ve been following your instincts and been mindful of the other children you work with, don’t question yourself ❤️

[u/Better-Lemon-5532]

As a nurse, parent, current nanny, and human who does not like affectionate please do not kiss or be overly touchy with your nanny kid! There are a zillion ways to show affectionation that have nothing to do with hugs and kisses. (Although I would be fine with quick kid initiated hugs)

[u/Empty-Childhood-5800]

My contract says no kissing or putting my fingers in her mouth. I blow kisses and teach hugs and asking for hugs though.

[u/No_Lychee_353]

No kissing on the mouth is a pretty well known/common rule in childcare. 

As a nanny, it’s important to have physical boundaries. Not only because of the germ factor, but it’s icky! Herpes is so common but deadly to little ones. 

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[u/SharpButterfly7]

Well, this whole thread shocks me. I kiss my NKs all day every day, it is a natural part of our relationship and expression of our bond and affection. No NP have ever had a problem with it. I wonder if it’s a cultural/regional thing? I always see Nannies kissing NKs when we are out and about.

[u/TheRealestWhiteMage]

My nanny kissing my kids would make my skin crawl. 

[u/Plastic-Praline-717]

I appreciated people not kissing my baby, tbh. For babies, I think the meaningful affection is physical proximity, touch/being held, and being talked to and interacted with.

And while our nanny was affectionate with our daughter- I think my line for a nanny being cold/too distant would be if they didn’t hug, allow the child to sit on their lap, etc, but discouraging or not allowing them to give them kisses would not make me think someone was cold or distant. It would make me think the adult knew kids were Petri dishes of festering germs, but not that they were uncaring.

[u/curious_girl_85]

That’s not true in the slightest. I’ve had a lot of great nanny jobs and I never kissed any kids. Nor did anyone ask me to kiss them. Sure kids hug and climb all over you but kissing is too much. It’s still a job at the end of the day and no one should be required to kiss. Your friend is just saying nonsense to make noise. Don’t listen to her.

[u/PapayaForever1013]

I am very uncomfortable with relatives kissing my baby, and stop it when I see it, because it's a great way to transmitting things to a kid that can frankly ruin their life in the worst case scenario. If folks don't know how to show affection without slobbering over someone, that sounds like a them problem.

[u/d16flo]

My nanny sometimes blows kisses to our kids from across the room, but I would be weirded out if she kissed them directly

[u/Special_Tough_2978]

I recently had the opposite experience... I gave my little Nanny baby a kiss on the forehead and the parents/ grandparents all freaked out and said I wasn't allowed to do that. Lol

[u/Cheesygritz69]

i don’t think i’ve ever kissed my 2 NKs in the two years i’ve been with them. they were 2 under 2 when i started and we always give hugs and they give me kisses goodbye when i leave (on my legs lol) but im just not comfortable giving kisses to anyone but my husband and daughter. i’ve always been a non affectionate person tho. my nanny parents don’t seem to mind either