Smell

[u/canunotucan]

I work from home. We hired a part time nanny to help out with our 3 month old for abour 15-20 hours a week. I like her and shes close/her living situation makes this a good arrangement for all of us, as she has open hours and we can give her pretty much exactly what she wants.

At first she was great. Confident with the baby, sociable. But now she seems to have gotten comfortable and she comes over looking so disheveled, which fine you're just hanging in the house, but she smells...bad. And I'm afraid there's a lingering cigarette smell mixed in with some mustyness.

What do I do???? We're only on week 3 and I'm just back to work.

[u/JustNeonDust]

If you really think it’s cigarettes then that would be an immediate fire; third hand smoke is still extremely dangerous for a baby that young.

If it’s just normal stink then I legitimately have no idea what I would do. I can’t imagine having to tell an adult that they’re expected to come to work bathed and in clean clothes. If it’s that bad then I would probably consider firing as well since this is such a basic standard of professionalism.

[u/canunotucan → u/JustNeonDust]

Yeah I'm at a loss here. If it is smoke it's more like she lives with a smoker than she's smoking herself, like a lingering i dont know what...

Im not confident enough to call it out directly as smoke (because it might not be) but I 100% need to address the smell or fire her because it's causing me so much stress thinking about my baby breathing it in.

[u/Consistent_Taste3273 → u/canunotucan]

Even if you’re not sure if it’s cigarette smoke smell, I’d still call it that. It might be less uncomfortable that way. And, if it’s not that, hopefully she’ll still get the message that she needs to be more mindful about cleanliness in the future.  

[u/canunotucan → u/Consistent_Taste3273]

Yeah this is a good call thank you.

I know i need to confront the situation for the safety of my baby (and my peace of mind as a mother) but it's such a rough topic to bring up

[u/Disastrous-Drawer-59 → u/JustNeonDust]

I’ve had tot elk multiple employees to bathe and wash their clothes for work. Never in child care though… it’s always awkward

[u/ChickenScratchCoffee]

I would simply say, “I’ve recently noticed some strong cigarette smells coming from your clothes. We don’t want any scents like that in our home or around the baby. If you could please remember to come to work clean, cigarette scent free we would appreciate that.” If it’s not something she can do, I’d replace her.

[u/Revit80]

I'd fire her. I don't want my newborn breathing in cigarette smell

[u/Acceptable-Wall2947]

I think if you kindly address the odor and why you are bothered by it (risk of baby being exposed to cigarette smoke, allergies, etc) and ask if she can change into fresh clothes when she arrives that might help things

[u/Living-Tiger3448]

Does she have nannying experience? This person doesn’t seem professional

[u/canunotucan → u/Living-Tiger3448]

She had good references, clearly some comfort with the baby.

She didn't smell for her first 8 or so shifts. But today it's impossible not to notice.

[u/LinenGarments → u/canunotucan]

It could be garbage accumulating where she lives. I knew someone living in bad conditions without proper garbage disposal so the garbage remained in her small apartment for a week at a time until she would put it in her car and find a dumpster. Her clothes began to smell really bad and she had gotten used to it and was not aware.

[u/canunotucan → u/LinenGarments]

Did get clothes smell like actual garbage? Or kinda an unidentifiable yet strong (and unpleasant) smell?

[u/LinenGarments → u/canunotucan]

Unidentifiable unpleasant smell like a cloud around her. The car smelled too. She finally wondered herself why she smelled weird and realized the garbage smells were attaching onto her.

To top it off she was
washing clothes by hand in the sink and letting them dry indoors to avoid paying at the laundromat. I walked in and could smell her damp clothes acquiring bacteria from not being dried quickly. She was surviving as best she could and not realizing the smells. She had been isolated during Covid for so long, she didnt notice it was as smelly as it smelled to others.

[u/adhddreamer_13]

Just my opinion but if there has been that much change in 3 weeks that is not a good sign. We just had to let our nanny go for beimg completely unreliable but beside that her care completely changed within the first few weeks of being with us. She only ended up being with us for 2 months.

[u/canunotucan → u/adhddreamer_13]

Yeah it seems SO soon for her to get so comfortable. Of course we want her to feel safe in our home but not to the point of skipping basic hygiene.

It sucks because this happened my first week back to work (I work from home). We thought we had someone trained and reliable and now I'm worrying about my baby all day instead of focusing.

[u/parrot_sweet]

If she was fine in the beginning but now somethings changed, then you could bring it up that way. Say, you've noticed that she's dressing differently that the first week when she was hired and that you've noticed some smells from her clothing and you're not sure what it is. Be curious and open. Maybe she will share what's going on and that can help guide the conversation. 

A couple of times I thought our nanny had cigarette smell on her clothes. I didn't address it but then it went away. She seemed impeccable about her hygiene so I tended to not worry. But you used the word "disheveled" which makes me think it's not just smell- but what she wears and her hair etc. 

[u/canunotucan → u/parrot_sweet]

She shows up in sweatpants (like a size or two too big lol) and a bun. But I dont really care about that, I think her hygiene is ok Whatever I'm smelling is not BO but on her clothes.

I think it's most likely a mildew-y smell. Maybe left the laundry in the washer too long type of thing.

But either way I'm not comfortable with my baby putting her face in the clothes. Or touching them then her mouth. Also the smell lingered on my couch today. It just can't continue.

But it's so hard to bring up to an adult!!!

[u/parrot_sweet → u/canunotucan]

A lot of tough conversations are tough because we find it tough. I'm getting more used to saying what I am thinking respectfully so the other person knows and has a chance to work on it. Then I know I've done my best. You need to talk to her and tell her you've noticed somethings changed and that there is a mildew smell in her clothes and you are worried about your baby breathing it in. Ask if she's noticed it and knows what it about. Ask if you can do anything to help- for example- would she like to do a load of laundry and leave some clothes at your house that she changes into? I don't know if any of this will work but mostly when you bring it up the normal response might just be that she knows what it is and makes sure it doesn't happen again. 

[u/canunotucan → u/parrot_sweet]

Thanks! This helped to read.

Yes I plan on offering laundry if that will help. I mentioned early on she could leave clothes (before the smell more like in case the baby gets her dirty) but we can revisit that.

I hope this will help us both grow in this arrangement because i do like her...but I spent my entire day worrying about this and barely got work done. Its hard enough going back to work 12 weeks postpartum I need to feel comfortable with my baby's arrangement.

[u/Acceptable_Ad9199 → u/parrot_sweet]

I’m from Europe and we are more direct with these things. It is very very different here. People have a true hard time having frank conversations. In my opinion you can say everything in a respectful manner

[u/Sea-Willow9202 → u/canunotucan]

She probably doesnt have a dryer where she lives and she doesnt have a place to hang her clothes to dry out. Perhaps bring it up kindly and see where the conversation goes. Maybe she is struggling!

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[u/Inside_Reindeer_1446]

Honestly is not always the best policy. Just tell her you broke out in a rash and when you went to the dermatologist they said any fragrance, smoke, strong smells can trigger a reaction. Tell her you are worried that the baby will also have allergies and that you are implementing new rules with anyone that is over at your home. Ask her to follow the rules. If she doesn’t then work on replacing her bc it’s now a job expectation.

I have a STRONG sense of smell and although it can come across as harsh I do have to tell people around me quite often that I need space or adjustments to things. It’s nauseating, smell sensitivity is a very real thing!

[u/curious_girl_85]

"I really value you and the great work you do with our family, so I wanted to share something awkward with you privately. I've noticed a body odor recently, and I wanted to bring it up so you can address it before it becomes a bigger issue for you." Do it at the end of her shift.

[u/Future_Ingenuity_670]

Fire her

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[u/crowislanddive]

She’s exposing your child to carcinogens. I would have fired her immediately.

[u/Acceptable_Ad9199]

They just change incredibly after a few weeks - I can’t tell you how many times I fired on week 3

[u/canunotucan → u/Acceptable_Ad9199]

What is with that?! I get putting your best foot forward at an interview but it's so soon to do a total 180

[u/Acceptable_Ad9199 → u/canunotucan]

I think they don’t take it as a real job and people standard in general have plummeted 

[u/International-Ad843]

Fire.

[u/Professional_Two9325]

Maybe she's just gassy? Or isn't being so subtle with her toots? Maybe (in a kind manner) you could suggest foods that don't cause indigestion/gas.

[u/canunotucan → u/Professional_Two9325]

Lol no it's not farts for sure

Farts I think id be ok with lol