This is something that I thought about a few months ago, the worst thing she can say is "no," is a lie that is actually the second best thing she can say. so I started thinking what is the best to worst things she can say and I came up with the following.

(Best)

• A definite "yes,"- this one is self explanatory
• A definite "no," - she has a boyfriend (nothing I can about this), she finds me unattractive (if gives a reason even better, "bad breath", "dress style", "body odor"), in short a reason I can work on
• A polite or runabout "no" - here is where things, in my opinion things started getting ugly, I have gotten more than my fair share of these. ("I am to busy for a relationship", "I am working on myself", "i am not in a good place right now", the following really hurt "you are a great guy, but .....", "any girl would be lucky to have you") and we all know this is BS
• Humiliation - the worst i have gotten was that a girl laugh at me, which as far a humiliation goes not bad, but i at least know where i stand
• Hope - in my opinion the worst answer she can give is a form of hope, what has happened to me a few times is, she says yes, but need to iron the details later (when and where), so i spend my time and energy trying to set something up, looking up things to do, places to go, but the when and where never get set up. Then you finally give up and realize she never had any intention of actually meeting up

(Worst)

do you agree or would you change something, did i miss something

So, if one of my parents passes away as they grow older, I won't be able to handle the pressure alone. In fact, my whole body might freeze when I see my mom's dead body. That's how weak I am. I might not even be able to hold my phone in my hand. I've lost all hope, and I feel like I'll remain single until death takes me.

This is a repost from ask men advice i posted. I'm planning on going through with it. Just posting it here because I want to tell someone why and i can't do that in real life.

went to two therapists in my life. one in 2019 and one in 2023. I've always been a loner. as of now, I'm 27 and never hung out with anyone outside of a school, work, and meetup app or equivalent environment, unfortunately. when I told my first therapist this, I gotta give him credit, he tried hard. showing me different events and even texting me things happening around town off work hours. He really didn't have to do that. unfortunately, none of it worked. I get along fine but it never goes beyond arms length.

one of the things I talked about a lot was sexual frustration. he tried giving me dating advice and helped me set up dating apps but that didn't work. He outta the blue asked me if I thought of escorts. his rational for my case is "the way you're describing your interactions with women, I suspect there's a fear emanating off you that they can feel. it might ultimately be best to gain some experience to help ease your nerves cause as you are now, I can't really see someone giving you a chance." I was stunned silent. afterwards, I looked up online if anybody had gone through something similar and nearly all responses said "drop that therapist." and I did. haven't seen him since.

couple years later, 2022/2023 can't remember the exact year at this point. I tried someone else. there's some differences, of course, but it ended at the same crossroads as before. I've now experienced two professionals telling me to do something illegal. (though to give the second guy credit, he said to go to a place where it was legal like parts of Nevada or the Netherlands.) I dropped him too and haven't gone back to therapy since.

cut to the beginning of 2025. I just moved to a new city and wanted to put my best foot forward. I joined a sports center, a running club, a young adults meetup group, and made the effort of going out more nights for stuff like dancing and bar crawling. none of it worked. I've many aquantiances but no friends and my sexual frustration is getting really bad as I write this and am now thinking of just biting the bullet and hiring someone. it'll either be where I'm at now, illegally, or I go on a sex fueled vacation to a spot where it's legal.

I want a couple of second opinions and the reason why I tried to go into as much detail as possible is to show that I've been trying. all the platitude advice is stuff I've read and tried myself. Maybe this entire thing is just me wanting to vent. have a nice day.

Edit 1:didn't think I'd get this many replies and having them being supportive. Even the ones that says don't do it was from a very understanding poverty, and for that, thank you. I probably should've told what I hope to accomplish with this plan. My therapist put it best. "You are so fixated on the idea of sex that you don't approach women like the humans that they are. This might help you shake off the hyperfixation." I'm hoping that this will happen and be able to talk to people more casually.

I'm someone who's been experiencing loneliness since I was a teenager and I've tried friendships a lot but it never did anything for me regardless of the quality of them. Like I've just come to accept that my loneliness will be best satisfied by relationships instead. A good quality relationship just gives you way more than friendships ever will.

Social skills really are a muscle. I've been alone for so long (years) my ability to socialize has atrophied to basically nothing. I've gotten so used to it I barely even feel human, I feel so alien to everyone. I could theoretically improve, but it would be too painful/cringy and too late. The juice wouldn't be worth the squeeze.

The only irl socialization I have is dealing with coworkers at my job, no actual conversations. I don't even desire to socialize but the intrinsic need for human connection is always hovering over me.

Sometimes I'm hopeful I can meet someone by some miracle, other times I'm realistic and end up here.

Not even in a weird bad way. It’s just that if I was attractive whether I’m shy, outgoing, recluse, active, lazy, funny, serious, sarcastic, depressed, insecure, confident, etc. Whether I’ve niche interests or more popular ones. It wouldn’t really stop me from having a relationship either way because guys would adapt to me (unless really morally black acts).
So does personality really matters? Why would it if if I do surgery anything will flow my way?
Makes me think. I think personality should be for yourself at the end of the day. I don’t see how personality can out balance me out of this hole.

I'm autistic (diagnosed about 3 years ago). It's ruined any chance I might've had to date. Women all think I'm a freak, especially the neurotypical ones. I don't even have the kind that makes me super smart or good at math, I have the shitty kind that makes me obsessed with pop culture.

Never good enough always having to fight to not even get close, always a struggle never a proper break because every break is plagued by the knowledge of not being good enough for anyone. Fight fight fight, suffer suffer suffer, relax oh wait no not when your mind screams at you. No one will ever love you, you're too stupid, too unattractive too incompetent at everything you do. It never stops, and you are constantly reminded how much better everyone else is doing, how everyone else is either in a relationship or atleast have had experience. And they still earn more than you, they still have more life experience, are better at the things they do than you are at yours. Contentness is a distant memory, happiness is a fantasy. There's nothing but the cold dark waiting forever.

As a 23 year old guy, I feel like i'm at the point where it's best for me to just accept that i'm undateable and unlovable and try to get over it as best as I can. I've tried and tried but no matter what I do it seems that I'm never the guy someone wants. And frankly, i'm getting tired of trying. I've already dealt with this for years and I can't imagine continuing to deal with this.

I've got all the traits that people don't want in a guy sadly: no special talents, not tall, not white, not attractive, not successful, shy/quiet, quite young looking for my age.

So yeah that's basically my backstory, but now i'm curious how can I really and truly accept the conclusion dating isn't meant for me? How were you able to accept this and move on in life? And what age were you when you came to this conclusion?

I’m a 31m virgin autist, been on 30+ first dates off the apps since 2017, never once got a second. I’m decent looking but once they see how I can’t even hold eye contact or follow social cues they get the ick.

Idk why I keep putting myself through this, guess I’d lose all hope if I gave up, and hope is all I have.

And inb4 someone tries to tell me how lucky I am. I assure you nothing happens on these dates. Not kissing, not having sex, just an awkward stilted convo.

Worst part is these dates are getting rarer and rarer the older I get, and I’m still young. wtf will it be like when I’m 40?

Why is it so hard to empathize with the fact that someone WILL eventually get lonely with absolutely zero romantic interest? Like, come on, is it really that hard to understand?

It’s not absurd for me to want to hold someone after 23 years of never doing so. The only way it sounds absurd is when they can’t even understand it. You choosing not to date because of bad experiences a year ago is not the same as me wanting to hold someone my entire life and never being able to.

Rant over.

I(23m) am in a very rough place in life. By the title it might seem like I am gay or something. But no I am straight. Or at least I think I am but that's not the point.

So basically I am an ugly looking chubby guy. And it's been like this for years now. I didn't use to be chubby but years of sitting at a desk job has really take a toll on me.

Anyway, I don't have a lot of friends. But I have some people who call me hangout sometimes so that's enough I guess. One common thing is the usual conversation of girls.

Every time we are at any place everyone would start talking about checking out some cute girl there or and maybe the single guys could go talk to her. And everyone in the group would be intently talking about how that girl is cute and how the other is beautiful. Now lemme Just clarify, none of these talks are in a creepy or sexulizing or objectifying way, Just guy checking out girls. And eveyone would tune in to these conversations, except me. I genuinely Just don't have any intrest in looking out girls or asking them out or anything of that sort.

And Its not because I don't want to. But it's a couple of things. I have been ugly pretty much my whole life, and now on top of that I am fat. Its not like I don't want to go ask someone out, I just know that no one is gonna say yes. I don't check out girls because No one is checking me back. I don't talk about them cuz it Just hurts me every time and makes me realise that I can't be with them.

My friends always bother me about this and I honestly don't know how to tell them this. Them are starting to suspect I might not be straight and I let them think that because I really don't to tell them how It's Just because I am miserable.

Yeah, yeah, you are not supposed to be on dating apps because those seeking men have endless options. But when you have tried in person and connections made online already, and it always go nowhere, sometimes you just need a quick, repeated shot of rejection to remind yourself to focus on finding your own enjoyment in life, because there will not be a partner for you in this one.

I really do not even consider myself THAT picky.

I make friends easily, and deep friendships easier than most. My friends consider me funny (online and IRL), I workout regularly, I dress well enough, I have a steady, okay fulltime job and working on furthering my education for a better one. On paper I have a bunch of the qualities that should be desirable, but I am missing the most important, being attractive.

I just realised I was doing my usual looking at my phone wishing it was me, wishing I had the life I always wanted. I thought I had tried to change myself. But as I was crying and being miserable I realised everything I’ve ever had was given to me by someone else. I’ve never had to work for what I have really, never had any drive or motivation, never really wanted anything enough. And this is the same for dating the reason I’m so alone and single is that no one can give it to me. So I’m the actual biggest problem in my life and I always have been from day one. I just never realised it.

I have had suicidal thoughts for a long time now, crazy intense almost every night fixating on it cause my life sucks. Now it’s going to get worse, I know I’m the problem with everything and I know I don’t have what it takes to break out. Who am I kidding I mean if i didn’t have the motivation when I was younger why would I at 27. Everyday convincing myself that voice in my head isn’t the answer gets harder and harder. No idea how much longer I can beat it, after today I’m not so sure I want to.

Istg I think something is wrong cause like I always end up losing the guy that I rly want. Like every time something always goes wrong and the guy just leaves lol. It rly sucks cause like I feel lonely majority of the time.

Im an Autistic and ADHD male who always struggled socially growing up. I had absolutely no friends average genetics and average height and couldnt even tell if a girl was giving me signs or not due to my autism. I started studying psychology, relationships, and social skills at the expense of my career and hobbies, i got so invested it became a special interest and was studying it for hours every day. Fast forward 7 years to where i am today, 26 years old and had plenty of relationships and currently in one.

if there are any other ND people here reading this please realise that there is hope, but for me personally when i got into relationships i realised it was just a cope for the loneliness of living in a world that i dont understand.

Do you also do this?

For example, I like to think I have pretty eyes. So I go outside in a mall for example and then I just see the truth. I see how what I think is somewhat exceptional about me, is just average, very common and usual. I see hundreds of girls with same or better eyes just walking around casually not making a fuss about their eyes.

It is so sobering and grounding but in negative sense.

The realization of just how replacable and invisible I truly am.

People leave and ghost and it just doesn't make sense why. It's almost like there's something unpleasant about you that everyone can see except you

Fall is my favorite time of year. I’ve been struggling so badly lately, feeling so alone. My friends are all doing cute fall things with their significant others and here I am spending another year alone. I like watching horror movies and I literally just sit and watch them alone. I love my own company but It’s really bumming me out. Last year my Halloween sucked. A guy I thought was going to be my date blew me off in the worst way so I just third wheeled. I told myself “maybe it will be better next year” and it doesn’t look that way.

I just feel so alone and whenever I tell my friends they try to be optimistic or just dismiss it like “focus on what you do have”. I know they are trying to help but they don’t understand. The perfect relationships just fell into their lap. Everyone is tired of hearing me complain so I just deal with it alone now. It’s not even worth it to tell them I’m struggling. What can they do? I guess I’m just doomed to keep being a third wheel or sometimes even a 5th wheel.

I feel hopeless and utterly alone. I can’t do this another year.

And no I’m not looking for advice, I’ve heard enough “it will happen when you least expect it” or “you got to put yourself out there” or “your friends still hang out with you!” For a fucking lifetime. Nothing helps.

I've felt particularly shitty this week, partly because two nights I woke up from dreams where I had a partner. But even in my "wildest" dreams, I only ever want the mundane, ordinary life that so many people have.

In one dream, I woke up to my partner making breakfast. We sat down together and drank coffee and ate eggs and bacon. That's it. And it made me so happy that the feeling lingered after I woke up.

The second dream was just me and my partner holding hands on the bus and giving each other a quick kiss before settling in for a nap. I guess we were going on a trip. Literally things that most people just experience like it's nothing special. It gave me whiplash to wake up from these dreams and remember that I'm alone and always have been.

Naturally, I have romantic and sexual desires, but I can't have anyone—I've never been able to have anyone; and I can't just let it go—I feel extremely cuckolded at the mere thought of someone else touching someone I'm interested in.

Honestly, I don't know what I should do then.

And it’s so bitter sweet.
Sometimes I just have to pause the game or to stop reading for a bit. Or I straight up avoid to think about myself the whole day just to not crack.

And even in medias or social media you clearly know which woman deserves this kind of love and who doesn’t.

I know romantic love isn’t made for me but I guess I’m as stubborn as a mule and just want to continue bleed myself out for a scrap of what my love live could’ve been.

It makes me really sad but ik I look like a little monstrosity for me out here, I’m not what they imagine a woman is. And it is what it is.

I just wish I didn’t go this far in life to witness me be this undesirable sack of meat

I'm laying in bed all alone and depressed, like the past few birthdays. I don't drink, else I'd probably be out doing that right now. I'm jealous of all the couples who have someone to spend the day with and keep each other company, make each other feel loved. I don't actually care about not getting anything, I've always appreciated getting to spend time with a girl I like/love. It always made me feel appreciated and desired, rather than unloved and unwanted.

I wish I hadn't let getting bullied affect my self esteem growing up, I could have cleaned up in high school and actually have confidence. I mean that in the dating sense, I was Christian at that age so it likely wouldn't have gone beyond dating/kissing. Lots of girls approached me back then but I was shy and getting bullied made me feel like I didn't deserve love.

It's not like my appearance changed much, I didn't get fat or lose my hair. I did get glasses and had them for years, noticed a drastic change in the past five years so I'm getting Lasik to deal with that. And I know if i upgraded my fashion that'd help some but I haven't the slightest idea what's ideal or what's too much.

I used to want a girlfriend that gamed, even if it was casual. Since I was terrified of the thought of getting with someone who hated gaming, or thought it was a waste of time. But now I don't care, so long as she's not anti-gaming and we at least have something in common.

Dating apps don't work for me, barely get likes. The best one is ironically FB as you can message without matching and I get responses, but that doesn't always mean a date happens.

I really hope I can find my future wife before my next birthday, I don't think I can take another one alone but sometimes it's hard not giving into defeat and giving up :/

I feel like this is an underrated aspect of solitude. That there's actually nobody to comfort you when you're struggling. I'm currently going through hell with my health and all I want is someone to hug me and tell me I'm going to be fine. I can't comprehend that most of the people in the world, during dark times like this would have someone to lean on and do this stuff for them. This cannot be my life bro