I'm autistic (diagnosed about 3 years ago). It's ruined any chance I might've had to date. Women all think I'm a freak, especially the neurotypical ones. I don't even have the kind that makes me super smart or good at math, I have the shitty kind that makes me obsessed with pop culture.

Social skills really are a muscle. I've been alone for so long (years) my ability to socialize has atrophied to basically nothing. I've gotten so used to it I barely even feel human, I feel so alien to everyone. I could theoretically improve, but it would be too painful/cringy and too late. The juice wouldn't be worth the squeeze.

The only irl socialization I have is dealing with coworkers at my job, no actual conversations. I don't even desire to socialize but the intrinsic need for human connection is always hovering over me.

Sometimes I'm hopeful I can meet someone by some miracle, other times I'm realistic and end up here.

Never good enough always having to fight to not even get close, always a struggle never a proper break because every break is plagued by the knowledge of not being good enough for anyone. Fight fight fight, suffer suffer suffer, relax oh wait no not when your mind screams at you. No one will ever love you, you're too stupid, too unattractive too incompetent at everything you do. It never stops, and you are constantly reminded how much better everyone else is doing, how everyone else is either in a relationship or atleast have had experience. And they still earn more than you, they still have more life experience, are better at the things they do than you are at yours. Contentness is a distant memory, happiness is a fantasy. There's nothing but the cold dark waiting forever.

I'm someone who's been experiencing loneliness since I was a teenager and I've tried friendships a lot but it never did anything for me regardless of the quality of them. Like I've just come to accept that my loneliness will be best satisfied by relationships instead. A good quality relationship just gives you way more than friendships ever will.

Not even in a weird bad way. It’s just that if I was attractive whether I’m shy, outgoing, recluse, active, lazy, funny, serious, sarcastic, depressed, insecure, confident, etc. Whether I’ve niche interests or more popular ones. It wouldn’t really stop me from having a relationship either way because guys would adapt to me (unless really morally black acts).
So does personality really matters? Why would it if if I do surgery anything will flow my way?
Makes me think. I think personality should be for yourself at the end of the day. I don’t see how personality can out balance me out of this hole.

As a 23 year old guy, I feel like i'm at the point where it's best for me to just accept that i'm undateable and unlovable and try to get over it as best as I can. I've tried and tried but no matter what I do it seems that I'm never the guy someone wants. And frankly, i'm getting tired of trying. I've already dealt with this for years and I can't imagine continuing to deal with this.

I've got all the traits that people don't want in a guy sadly: no special talents, not tall, not white, not attractive, not successful, shy/quiet, quite young looking for my age.

So yeah that's basically my backstory, but now i'm curious how can I really and truly accept the conclusion dating isn't meant for me? How were you able to accept this and move on in life? And what age were you when you came to this conclusion?

Why is it so hard to empathize with the fact that someone WILL eventually get lonely with absolutely zero romantic interest? Like, come on, is it really that hard to understand?

It’s not absurd for me to want to hold someone after 23 years of never doing so. The only way it sounds absurd is when they can’t even understand it. You choosing not to date because of bad experiences a year ago is not the same as me wanting to hold someone my entire life and never being able to.

Rant over.

I just realised I was doing my usual looking at my phone wishing it was me, wishing I had the life I always wanted. I thought I had tried to change myself. But as I was crying and being miserable I realised everything I’ve ever had was given to me by someone else. I’ve never had to work for what I have really, never had any drive or motivation, never really wanted anything enough. And this is the same for dating the reason I’m so alone and single is that no one can give it to me. So I’m the actual biggest problem in my life and I always have been from day one. I just never realised it.

I have had suicidal thoughts for a long time now, crazy intense almost every night fixating on it cause my life sucks. Now it’s going to get worse, I know I’m the problem with everything and I know I don’t have what it takes to break out. Who am I kidding I mean if i didn’t have the motivation when I was younger why would I at 27. Everyday convincing myself that voice in my head isn’t the answer gets harder and harder. No idea how much longer I can beat it, after today I’m not so sure I want to.

I’m a 31m virgin autist, been on 30+ first dates off the apps since 2017, never once got a second. I’m decent looking but once they see how I can’t even hold eye contact or follow social cues they get the ick.

Idk why I keep putting myself through this, guess I’d lose all hope if I gave up, and hope is all I have.

And inb4 someone tries to tell me how lucky I am. I assure you nothing happens on these dates. Not kissing, not having sex, just an awkward stilted convo.

Worst part is these dates are getting rarer and rarer the older I get, and I’m still young. wtf will it be like when I’m 40?

Yeah, yeah, you are not supposed to be on dating apps because those seeking men have endless options. But when you have tried in person and connections made online already, and it always go nowhere, sometimes you just need a quick, repeated shot of rejection to remind yourself to focus on finding your own enjoyment in life, because there will not be a partner for you in this one.

I really do not even consider myself THAT picky.

I make friends easily, and deep friendships easier than most. My friends consider me funny (online and IRL), I workout regularly, I dress well enough, I have a steady, okay fulltime job and working on furthering my education for a better one. On paper I have a bunch of the qualities that should be desirable, but I am missing the most important, being attractive.

People leave and ghost and it just doesn't make sense why. It's almost like there's something unpleasant about you that everyone can see except you

Istg I think something is wrong cause like I always end up losing the guy that I rly want. Like every time something always goes wrong and the guy just leaves lol. It rly sucks cause like I feel lonely majority of the time.

I(23m) am in a very rough place in life. By the title it might seem like I am gay or something. But no I am straight. Or at least I think I am but that's not the point.

So basically I am an ugly looking chubby guy. And it's been like this for years now. I didn't use to be chubby but years of sitting at a desk job has really take a toll on me.

Anyway, I don't have a lot of friends. But I have some people who call me hangout sometimes so that's enough I guess. One common thing is the usual conversation of girls.

Every time we are at any place everyone would start talking about checking out some cute girl there or and maybe the single guys could go talk to her. And everyone in the group would be intently talking about how that girl is cute and how the other is beautiful. Now lemme Just clarify, none of these talks are in a creepy or sexulizing or objectifying way, Just guy checking out girls. And eveyone would tune in to these conversations, except me. I genuinely Just don't have any intrest in looking out girls or asking them out or anything of that sort.

And Its not because I don't want to. But it's a couple of things. I have been ugly pretty much my whole life, and now on top of that I am fat. Its not like I don't want to go ask someone out, I just know that no one is gonna say yes. I don't check out girls because No one is checking me back. I don't talk about them cuz it Just hurts me every time and makes me realise that I can't be with them.

My friends always bother me about this and I honestly don't know how to tell them this. Them are starting to suspect I might not be straight and I let them think that because I really don't to tell them how It's Just because I am miserable.

Do you also do this?

For example, I like to think I have pretty eyes. So I go outside in a mall for example and then I just see the truth. I see how what I think is somewhat exceptional about me, is just average, very common and usual. I see hundreds of girls with same or better eyes just walking around casually not making a fuss about their eyes.

It is so sobering and grounding but in negative sense.

The realization of just how replacable and invisible I truly am.

I've felt particularly shitty this week, partly because two nights I woke up from dreams where I had a partner. But even in my "wildest" dreams, I only ever want the mundane, ordinary life that so many people have.

In one dream, I woke up to my partner making breakfast. We sat down together and drank coffee and ate eggs and bacon. That's it. And it made me so happy that the feeling lingered after I woke up.

The second dream was just me and my partner holding hands on the bus and giving each other a quick kiss before settling in for a nap. I guess we were going on a trip. Literally things that most people just experience like it's nothing special. It gave me whiplash to wake up from these dreams and remember that I'm alone and always have been.

Fall is my favorite time of year. I’ve been struggling so badly lately, feeling so alone. My friends are all doing cute fall things with their significant others and here I am spending another year alone. I like watching horror movies and I literally just sit and watch them alone. I love my own company but It’s really bumming me out. Last year my Halloween sucked. A guy I thought was going to be my date blew me off in the worst way so I just third wheeled. I told myself “maybe it will be better next year” and it doesn’t look that way.

I just feel so alone and whenever I tell my friends they try to be optimistic or just dismiss it like “focus on what you do have”. I know they are trying to help but they don’t understand. The perfect relationships just fell into their lap. Everyone is tired of hearing me complain so I just deal with it alone now. It’s not even worth it to tell them I’m struggling. What can they do? I guess I’m just doomed to keep being a third wheel or sometimes even a 5th wheel.

I feel hopeless and utterly alone. I can’t do this another year.

And no I’m not looking for advice, I’ve heard enough “it will happen when you least expect it” or “you got to put yourself out there” or “your friends still hang out with you!” For a fucking lifetime. Nothing helps.

I’ve been wondering for a while, and I know this sub probably has more conventionally ugly and neurodivergent people than your typical sub, but I was wondering if this extends to other parts of life as well.

I’d be curious to hear a little about the troubles you had growing up with socializing, whether from bullying, neurodivergence, or something else entirely.

As for myself, I was bullied all throughout school, starting in the sixth grade. The bullying pretty much made it impossible to talk to women in high school, and as such my social circle was severely stunted. I mean, who wants to date the guy who gets picked on for his looks in the hallway? Anyway, that’s my story, look forward to hearing yours.

I feel like this is an underrated aspect of solitude. That there's actually nobody to comfort you when you're struggling. I'm currently going through hell with my health and all I want is someone to hug me and tell me I'm going to be fine. I can't comprehend that most of the people in the world, during dark times like this would have someone to lean on and do this stuff for them. This cannot be my life bro

Naturally, I have romantic and sexual desires, but I can't have anyone—I've never been able to have anyone; and I can't just let it go—I feel extremely cuckolded at the mere thought of someone else touching someone I'm interested in.

Honestly, I don't know what I should do then.

What should I even say anymore. I made so many posts about this already...

Im 36M from Spain and I have been alone all my life. Im very introverted so superficial connections like most ppl have dont give me anything, just stress. So I need a deep connection... But its so hard to find that.

On top of that, I have asperger and depression and I dont like to go out, my skin is sensitive and I dont have interests. Which makes even more difficult to find someone....

All i ever wanted was to have a life companion. Someone to share everything with, even if everything with me is not much... But having somebody who is always there, to share affection, company... The bad moments, the good ones...

But Im weak, boring, needy and no woman ever wants me...

Im so lonely...

I always used to fantasize about an imaginary girlfriend ever since I was a teenager but now I realize I'm only creepy. The older I get women are uncomfortable by me even other men. I thought I could get a girlfriend any day but now I realize it's not going to happen. I'm sorry but I'm too far from the normal person to get a relationship

I'm laying in bed all alone and depressed, like the past few birthdays. I don't drink, else I'd probably be out doing that right now. I'm jealous of all the couples who have someone to spend the day with and keep each other company, make each other feel loved. I don't actually care about not getting anything, I've always appreciated getting to spend time with a girl I like/love. It always made me feel appreciated and desired, rather than unloved and unwanted.

I wish I hadn't let getting bullied affect my self esteem growing up, I could have cleaned up in high school and actually have confidence. I mean that in the dating sense, I was Christian at that age so it likely wouldn't have gone beyond dating/kissing. Lots of girls approached me back then but I was shy and getting bullied made me feel like I didn't deserve love.

It's not like my appearance changed much, I didn't get fat or lose my hair. I did get glasses and had them for years, noticed a drastic change in the past five years so I'm getting Lasik to deal with that. And I know if i upgraded my fashion that'd help some but I haven't the slightest idea what's ideal or what's too much.

I used to want a girlfriend that gamed, even if it was casual. Since I was terrified of the thought of getting with someone who hated gaming, or thought it was a waste of time. But now I don't care, so long as she's not anti-gaming and we at least have something in common.

Dating apps don't work for me, barely get likes. The best one is ironically FB as you can message without matching and I get responses, but that doesn't always mean a date happens.

I really hope I can find my future wife before my next birthday, I don't think I can take another one alone but sometimes it's hard not giving into defeat and giving up :/