don't smoke, drink alcohol, or do drugs. I've never tried anything in my life, not even weed.

Yet, a few people over the years have asked me if I was on drugs because apparently I sometimes look like I'm completely in my own world. I've even had random people on the street jokingly tell me not to do drugs when I was literally just minding my own business. 💀

It even happened when I was at university. Random dealers would approach me and ask if I wanted to buy weed or cocaine from them, which always confused me because I've never touched any of that stuff.

I'm wondering if it's because of my resting bitch face combined with my serious expression, or because I sometimes zone out and get lost in my own thoughts.

I'm curious if anyone else here has experienced something similar. Have people ever made weird assumptions about you based on your facial expression, body language, or the way you act?

How it sounds. I feel like im ride or die, very understanding, giving in my relationships but people always seem to pull away from me. I’ve evaluated everything, how I respond, being more considerate, learning what people prefer: but it’s like I’m a damn alien pretending to be human. People don’t call me mean or flat out say they dislike me because I’m nice to them, but I can just sense how they do not care about me in the slightest.. no matter what relationship it was, it’s like at first people really enjoyed me and then when they discovered the autism they instantly start treating me differently.

Even with family, no one wants to really spend time with me. It’s like I bottle up my emotions to not come off needy but when I am in a vulnerable position, people treat me like I just killed someone so I’ve given up on expressing how I feel because communication doesn’t change how people treat me, even if im more confident now.

I’ve established that I am not a priority for anyone: no one talks to me or checks up, I initiate every single conversation and I’m forced to have my own back. How do you cope with the heavy feeling of truly never being able to be yourself because the second you are, people don’t want to try?

I've been getting really, really bothered lately by seeing all of this hatred and nonsensical posturing on reddit, every time I mute one subreddit where there's a bunch of drama, another one pops up in its place.

Until you turn off home feed recommendations that is, I just turned them off, and I've never seen such a peaceful feed on reddit in my life. It's just my hobby subreddits and subreddits with other people like me.

No more am I getting recommended the latest dumpster fire of a comment section to get me to stay on the app longer, I can't believe I could have turned this off this whole time.

I am so lonely and the few people I do talk to I can't relate or connect with. My online circle just hates me and harasses me(I didn't do anything it is just people calling me ugly) . My best and only friend of years ghosted me months ago. My ex bf mistreated me and I can't even go back to him even though he treated me badly because he blocked me.

How do you even cope with being hated and not being able to connect with the people who do talk to you

Had a terrible first day yesterday at a job that is technically my dream job right now (being a dog trainer) but the owner of the school:
- called my autism disclosure "adorable";
- failed to understand what that would mean in practice when I tried to explain about social context cues;
- didn't explain the social rules and got mad when i didn't follow them
- berated me twice in front of clients and when I "talked back" decided to have that argument there and then in front of them - and then blamed me for "making him" have that argument in front of the client
- had an ego the size of a stadium - it's the type of man who is a (drawing on simplistic stereotypes here to explain the situation) "cool surfer" who "doesn't care about anything" and "goes with the flow" but is always posing for who's watching
- fired me, then hired me back, and in the same breath told me he was attracted to me and that was complicating things and might be the reason he had acted so hot/angry in front of clients
- told me again that the fact that I need explicit, preferably written down social rules is sexy

I thanked him for the opportunity and ran to my car to get the hell away from there and not return. But at the same time it made me wonder if there were previous signs i should have noticed, and wanting to hear other people's experiences.

All my life I’ve felt this way. I’ve watched myself be sidelined in groups of friends. Always feeling like the spare part. The one who isn’t really wanted. I’m never ever liked as much as other people.

I only have two friends, and they aren’t “close/talk every day” friends. Maybe catch up once a year friends.

I joined a small discord community (only about 20 people) and I thought I was actually chatting to people I liked, and who liked me. The owner of the discord server, I message with her every single day. We get on well. Today, a lot of the server were given “insider” roles/tags. With nothing major having happened visibly in the server. And I wasn’t given the insider tag. Some other people weren’t, but they are people who are rarely active in there. I’m active all the time and have been left out. It’s made me feel sick, and I keep hovering over the “leaver server” button.

I’ve tried speaking to multiple therapists about it, how sensitive I am to rejection and how I have been treated in similar ways my whole life, and they never believe me. They always think “there’s no way everyone has treated you that way” but they literally do 😓😩 it’s painful

Edit: I’m in my mid 30s

i’ve never had any close friends at all. right now i’m 24 and have no one. i don’t get how it’s so easy for other people to jusy have friends. it’s never been easy to talk to people. i’m so alone.

Granted, I'm only on the first episode, but it seems to me to be an amazing description of life as a autist trying to learn how to navigate the NT world.

I wouldn't say that I go non-verbal or have selective mutism. I'm still able to speak, but it just takes so much energy to think of what to say and to actually get the words out. Interpreting social situations is already draining enough on its own.

I'm so tired of having to communicate verbally. Why does every social interaction feel like a negotiation? It's so exhausting I just choose to self-isolate. If I wasn't fortunate to be able to live with my parents I'd be doomed.

Speak up. Stand up for yourself. Advocate for yourself. There's so much communication required just to get through a regular day. I understand that people can't read my mind, but the energy cost for speaking is just too high. It's not sustainable. I don't know what to do. I feel like I can't function in society because I burn out just from speaking.

Hi guys! So as the title says, I’m having my first ever surgery tomorrow and on top of being neurodivergent, I also have cptsd specifically around being sedated. I tend to shock medical staff because I don’t fit their idea of what they think an autistic person “looks like” (obviously no such thing) but I tend to have a lot of meltdowns regarding medical procedures and am prone to running away or becoming unable to regulate and sobbing to the point of making myself sick. I have a severe fear of anesthesia and have spent all week panicking/intensely dysregulated. I wish I knew how people manage to go under general anesthesia without being absolutely petrified and feeling like autonomy is being lost (obv a good thing bc my wrist is shattered lol). I do have a jellycat that is my comfort object and my number one way of regulating but I’m scared of the sensory hell I’ll be in as well (bright lights, sounds, tubes) and also worried that I’ll be judged if I bring my stuffed bunny as a 25 year old woman lol. Also scared of waking up confused or sick. If anyone has any words of encouragement or coping mechanisms for before/during/after, I’d greatly appreciate hearing them 🥺🫶

I need to vent because I'm struggling badly it has hit me harder than almost anything I can remember.

I'm a 29 year old, For the last decade I was a NEET with no job experience and no formal studies beyond high school, spending most of my time in my room on the internet, and constantly immersed in gaming. The only upside is that during that time through years of playing video games, reading books, watching Youtube videos and livestreams, browsing forums, and talking to people online The downside is that I spent years barely talking to other people in real life, my real-world social muscles atrophied badly and my social life basically never developed.

For the past two weeks, I've been waking up every day with intense regret, anxiety, dread, and constant "what if" thoughts. What if I had handled that conversation differently? What if I had been warmer? What if I had communicated better? What if I hadn't let my anxiety get in the way? The hardest part is not just losing the business but also losing an unique friendship and opportunity. My mind keeps replaying memories and imagining alternate timelines where things worked out differently. I know its quite common for people who have ADHD and Autism to feel completely separated from the world. Like you're a monster or that you don't fit in.

I most likely have Autism, ADHD and social anxiety. I've felt out of place my entire life and I feel alone constantly.

The friends I used to have back when I was in school have mostly left. I had reunited with them at least two of those friends back in 2022, but after a falling out things, just felt kind of bleak, and nothing ever reconnected ever since, and I've tried coming on here to get friends. But most of them have really since fallen back, or just never really lasted more than 1 or 2 days, and it sucks, because I want to build longer friendships, but they just don't happen as much.

So I want to try to find some genuine friends (preferably female ones) who are out there and see if they're open-minded to wanting to talk about certain fun hobbies like video games, they play or maybe even an inside hobby that they like to do while they're in their room or something like that and hopefully we could be able to build some type of connection.

Hey everyone.

I am not diagnosed as autistic yet, however my therapist is experienced with autism and is confident that I have autism. I'll be starting the process of an assessment in a couple of weeks with a neuropsychologist colleague of his.

So at this point, we've started approaching everything from the viewpoint that I'm autistic even if the neuropsych hasn't confirmed it yet. It's been helping a lot!

But one of my major issues is rumination. A big topic of rumination for me is death of loved ones. I lost my brother to suicide almost a decade ago so I think the reason I fixate on it so much is trauma.

Every day, I will think about my parents dying. And I also now constantly worry about my future in regards to their deaths as well. Bc I have always been reliant on them (at the times in my life that I tried to be independent, I had meltdowns and shutdowns). I think being told that I'm autistic has made my tendency to worry and ruminate on this topic even worse. I think a lot about if I'll be able to support myself when the time comes that I need to do that.

Typical therapy methods for general anxiety haven't been effective at getting me to stop doing this bc my brain has always just done it with different topics.

We haven't tackled this topic in therapy but I'm going to bring it up soon.

If anyone has any tips or resources for dealing with rumination like I'm experiencing, I would really appreciate it. Bc it's stressful to think about these things so often. It gets in the way of enjoying life currently.

I recently was diagnosed with ADHD and ASD but I’m really struggling to figure everything out. I’ve known that I had ADHD since I was about 6 years old, on medication from 6 till I was 12 and then I’ve spent the past 15 years thinking I outgrew ADHD just because, I’ve now realized, the way it expresses itself is totally different than when I was a child. I was tested for ASD (Asperger’s at the time) but I was always told I did not meet criteria for that, only to find out from my parents that they unofficially diagnosed me with it but it was hidden from me I guess. So growing up, I had no idea what I was experiencing had an explanation and I never really could come up with good coping mechanisms.

I work full time, usually M-F but I’ve noticed that by Thursday I’m usually tired, in a bad mood where my sensitivities seem to be heightened, and I have a very hard time controlling my outward reactions to others. I feel terrible because people at work and my husband at home don’t deserve how I treat them by the end of the week. I assume that the energy of masking for 3 days is taking such a toll that I don’t notice it until Thursday when I have no energy but I can never pin it down to that. I’m not really good at masking, but I can tell a marked difference between a “good day” and a “bad day” and since I work in a retail job and I don’t really like being social, it’s very draining.

I wear loops all day at work, as I’ve begun to notice how the noise overstimulates me but by the end of the week it only barely helps.

I just don’t really know what I can do to make my weeks more consistent and not feel shameful by the end of the week for how I make others feel. I hate feeling like this lol. Makes me feel like a burden sometimes. It’s hard for me to work less because I can barely make ends meet as it is. I’m in therapy now but it’s really only talk therapy and while I think it helps because it gives me a place to voice my internal feelings with no judgement, I don’t really get a lot of guidance on what I can do to make adjustments to accommodate myself.

I honestly hate having to make a post like this, but I don’t know what else to do. We have absolutely nothing left in our pantry or fridge, and I am asking for advice.

I’m a single mom with two boys one who is autistic like me. I do work, but between rent this month and last month, my entire paycheck has gone toward keeping a roof over our heads. I simply have nothing left over for groceries right now.

I have applied for benefits, but I was denied because of my income. I’ve also tried food banks, but unfortunately I haven’t been able to receive enough food to get us through. Right now, we have nothing for dinner, and we barely had anything to eat today. My son on the spectrum is having a meltdown because I have none of his safe foods. I’m not asking for anything beyond advice. Anyone have any suggestions on other resources to reach out to? I’m doing everything I can to work and provide for my kids .

In my mid 30s and admittedly have been burnt out on masking the last two years / lately, especially since I'm doing heavy trauma therapy

Had a serious convo with someone I thought was my closest friend in this city only to find she thinks I dislike her because I am mean/rude, which i apologized for but now find myself in a shame spiral

I know im the stereotypical "blunt honest" autistic person who can't white lie or isn't good at the social graces where you have to pretend a certain emotion or level of friendliness/excitement even if you're distracted or bored, i know my affect can be flat and I know I can be oblivious

I guess I thought I had more of a hang on those things by this age than I actually did

I dont want to wallow in self pity and I want to use this experience to become a better friend and person in general. I feel really embarrassed that i thought this person and i were close friends only to find they are off put by me lol

How to forgive myself? I can't stop thinking that everyone i know probably feels the same way about me and is too polite to tell me

I'm gay and black. I'm just seeking a space to vent and I'm sorry if this gets deleted or whatever. For a long time I thought i couldn't have autism because I'm so good at reading the room and adjusting my behavior to match others, but it just appeared on a paper my doctor gave me and I thought wtf because I was so damn confused because wtf. Sorry if this is too long lmao. I always got good grades and everyone tells me i'm smart and funny too so idk if i have it or not.

Hi! Im in my last year of college but about two years ago, I went into a really bad autistic burnout and it got to the point where I was severely depressed and suicidal. Around this time I had just gotten with my first partner and had lots of exams, parties etc. I’m completely fine now but I often find myself worrying and working myself up about social events in case they lead to burnout. The worrying usually uses more energy than the actual event. I’m constantly weighing up whether something could use too much energy and although this is useful, it just leads me to feeling anxious and wanting to ditch the event altogether. I was just wondering if it is normal to feel this way and if anyone has any advice on what would help or does it just take time?

22F struggling with keeping jobs due to anxiety, PSTD (diagnosed) and possible autism (haven't been diagnosed)

The jobs that I have kept in the past, I struggled majorly with. Eventually, after repetition, I would learn the ropes. At some points, I felt like I would hit a wall, and sought work elsewhere.

Recently, I have been job hunting and struggling with the lack of direction and training for the positions I get accepted for. In my current position, I have multiple roles depending on what is scheduled on the calendar that day. Some days I instruct, sometimes I work behind the desk, and sometimes I assist. Though, if I work behind the desk, they expect me to multi-task by assisting and being behind the desk. Which wouldn't be an issue, but I did not feel prepared to be put behind the desk with only a "You got it? Alright, I'm heading out" after watching someone else do the work.

I require structure in training. Easy, direct explanations of what to do, how to do it, and prefer if someone higher in position than me is there on shift to ask questions to. These needs were not being met, and I struggled with the computer system greatly because of it. I got reprimanded for not checking out a customer correctly, because I got flustered and wasn't focused on what I was doing at that exact moment due to running around the building and assisting prior.

I explained that I was busy with other things at the moment and apologized for checking them out incorrectly. My manager proceeded to tell me that "Its like Darwinism around here, if we can't trust you behind the desk we can't have you behind here anymore. every little thing you mess up adds up"

They proceeded to list a few other "rules" that I wasn't "following" (wearing a plain black shirt instead of my black work shirt, of which i was only given one, etc) which tipped me over into frustration and tears once I was out of sight and the conversation was over. I was just trying to follow the rules that I was aware of, and didn't have enough confidence to be on a shift by myself.

Does anyone else feel like you need extra training time when you start a new job/project? Or struggle with asking for extra help?

Hi, so this is going to be hard to put into words but let me explain. Ever since discovering the online autism community I've been hearing that autism is a different way your brain works, and we kind of crash when we try to work in a way that doesn't fit with that. I would be very interested to figure out how exactly our brains work that they're talking about and how to do things the way that fits. I was actually diagnosed very early in life but my support classes never really gave me this information, it was before the concept of neurodiversity was really known. Instead I got kind of stereotypical stuff like how to make eye contact, how to read faces, etc even if it wasn't something I struggled with. So I'd like to figure out how to work with my brain finally and hopefully unmask (since growing up as a "special ed" kid is also traumatic and made me go into denial for a long time). Does anyone have any recommendations? Books, youtube videos, websites, anything? I'd also be interested if anyone has a similar experience of growing up "in the system" and being left unimpressed with it/lost. Thank you so much!

Plain and simple. I am having trouble with this a lot.

I have an absolutely amazing professor. hes possibly the most welcoming person and role model ive ever had and he always accommodates my needs and makes me feel so welcome and valid. and i really want to tell him this!

hes given me an amazing place to grow in, and i know that if i tell him, hey your amazing and so so so nice to me, i know he’ll react well and be super flattered, but I CANT! FOR THE LIFE OF ME! SCRIPT OUT WHAT ROUGHLY HE WILL SAY!!!

like, i know exactly what i would say. but this man is so goddamn random and also isn great at taking a compliment outside of a professional “thanks so much for your help“ “your very welcome.” sorta exchange.

im really nervous not because im scared he’ll react poorly but because i cant figure out how to continue a conversation beyond his response because i dont know what he’ll say!!

any advice on how to tackle this fear or even potential responses (hes so random but he always knows whats going on in my head) would be a big help!

I got allocated to her on the 8th October after being on the waiting list for 8 months since Feb. I met her on the 13th October with my mother in the room. I was so nervous because i struggle at speaking and didn't want to speak to her. I wanted my mother to do most of the speaking and I would add comments when I'm ready to speak. I have a reddit friend who told me his mother did all the speaking for him during his SNA so I thought it would be the same for me.

but upon first sight she commented on my pink outfit and told me her favourite colour is also pink and the first thing i noticed was how smiley she were. I was nervous and not responding with words but noises to show her i have heard. She asked if she can record our chat on her phone so she can remember what was said in our chat. Me and mum agreed it was fine. The first thing she asked was if I knew what Social workers do and I said yes and i replied They give support to people and help them gain confidence and lead them to their goals.

She had a sheet of paper in front of her with a long list of all the questions to ask me. My mother was also contributing to the answers to help me and told her about my background with growing up to where i am now in life.

I liked how she added funny things to my answers to make me laugh, and she would add funny things to the questions to make them more fun.

She's going to help me claim benefits because I don't work and have never had my own money. And she's going to help me join the disability daycentre where I live too. She also said she's going to stalk me at the daycentre (in a funny way) lol - to check on me and see if i'm progressing at some of the things we spoke about.

I saw her bracelet and pointed out "you're from kenya" to change the topic and her face lit up of joy that I could identify her bracelet flag. I told her I have a kenyan friend online and she told me to tell her that I have a Kenyan social worker 😂.

I told her my special interest was I-Octane the singer and she said she knows who he is but doesnt listen to his music. And she said she's going on a caribbean cruise in a few weeks for her break off work and she's going to buy me Jamaica necklace to wear! I was and still am , in shock.

I am going to make her a gift to say thank you. i am so lucky to have a kind SW. i've never had one before and i was terrified. My next meeting is in 2 weeks for updates.

I(17f) isnt diagnosed autistic and isnt here to try to self diagnose myself ive just heard that alot of autistic women experience this and I really need advice.

I dont feel feminine enough ever, putting on fake nails, trying the newest trend that's seen as feminine just looks so bad on me. I think its pretty and I want to do it i just feel like such a dork. When all the other girls do it, it is so cool, but when it me im a loser.

I dont get along great with girls either and I really want that. I really dont hope i sound like a pick me because one of my biggest wishes in life is having a best friend that is like a sister to me. But I never really seem to get that. If someone has advice please drop it. Sorry for any bad English its not my first language

Who am I, what am I? Where does my "self" end and my autism begin? Where is the boundary between my character—my personality—and my autism and hypersensitivity? Where is my personhood defined—as a living being—and where do my depression, my traumas, and my life experiences begin? Who am I, what am I, if not a middle-aged man who blurs the lines between himself and others, the world, and nature? Where do I end and others—or the world—begin? I don’t know. I feel as though I am one with everything. I don’t know where my own boundaries lie. I don’t know the difference between simply being a human and being an autistic man. What am I? A living being? An autistic person? Someone with chronic depression? A survivor of abuse? Someone with a disordered personality? How could I possibly know what it’s like to be a neurotypical—someone perhaps without trauma, a history of abuse, or mental health struggles—when I am neurodivergent? Where is the line between me and my autism? There isn’t one. How could I be "me" if I weren’t autistic? I couldn’t. I am simply me.

I have tried getting involved with so many communities (furry,brony,gaming,art,etc) and interests over the years and I feel it’s just a drag on my life. I honestly don’t find enjoyment in any of those things and it’s just a drug to help me distract myself from the fact that I’m a girl in a guys body and not able to do anything about it. I just feel like I don’t fit in anywhere in these fandoms and that I force myself to have a fursona or draw just for the sake of conformity when I really don’t want to do it.

I also force myself to be Thomas but I really don’t like living as him and feel really uncomfortable. I’ve tried the new name Tiffany lately and I really like that name much more. I hate being seen as a guy and I am just numb to it now and detached from my body from being referred to as such.

Honestly I want to move onto another chapter of my life that isn’t nerd culture or art or ponies as I don’t get anything out of it and I never really found community in those spaces.