I realize this is going to sound really stupid and unimportant, but this week one of my cousins had a birthday.

We were all saying “Happy birthday” and everyone else in the family got a “love heart” reaction from my cousin. I got a regular thumbs up with no comment under it.

This was out of 10 or more family members. They all got ❤️ and I got 👍.

I shouldn’t care because it’s social media but it seems kind of obvious I’m liked less than others in the family.

When I was in high school I was not friends with any of my classmates, but I was friends with a guy who lived near me and he was a troubled kid. He would play with knives and do shady stuff, he would say edgy stuff and I would never realize when that stuff happened. I have not heard from him in years, and he was in jail last I knew.

How it sounds. I feel like im ride or die, very understanding, giving in my relationships but people always seem to pull away from me. I’ve evaluated everything, how I respond, being more considerate, learning what people prefer: but it’s like I’m a damn alien pretending to be human. People don’t call me mean or flat out say they dislike me because I’m nice to them, but I can just sense how they do not care about me in the slightest.. no matter what relationship it was, it’s like at first people really enjoyed me and then when they discovered the autism they instantly start treating me differently.

Even with family, no one wants to really spend time with me. It’s like I bottle up my emotions to not come off needy but when I am in a vulnerable position, people treat me like I just killed someone so I’ve given up on expressing how I feel because communication doesn’t change how people treat me, even if im more confident now.

I’ve established that I am not a priority for anyone: no one talks to me or checks up, I initiate every single conversation and I’m forced to have my own back. How do you cope with the heavy feeling of truly never being able to be yourself because the second you are, people don’t want to try?

don't smoke, drink alcohol, or do drugs. I've never tried anything in my life, not even weed.

Yet, a few people over the years have asked me if I was on drugs because apparently I sometimes look like I'm completely in my own world. I've even had random people on the street jokingly tell me not to do drugs when I was literally just minding my own business. 💀

It even happened when I was at university. Random dealers would approach me and ask if I wanted to buy weed or cocaine from them, which always confused me because I've never touched any of that stuff.

I'm wondering if it's because of my resting bitch face combined with my serious expression, or because I sometimes zone out and get lost in my own thoughts.

I'm curious if anyone else here has experienced something similar. Have people ever made weird assumptions about you based on your facial expression, body language, or the way you act?

All my life I’ve felt this way. I’ve watched myself be sidelined in groups of friends. Always feeling like the spare part. The one who isn’t really wanted. I’m never ever liked as much as other people.

I only have two friends, and they aren’t “close/talk every day” friends. Maybe catch up once a year friends.

I joined a small discord community (only about 20 people) and I thought I was actually chatting to people I liked, and who liked me. The owner of the discord server, I message with her every single day. We get on well. Today, a lot of the server were given “insider” roles/tags. With nothing major having happened visibly in the server. And I wasn’t given the insider tag. Some other people weren’t, but they are people who are rarely active in there. I’m active all the time and have been left out. It’s made me feel sick, and I keep hovering over the “leaver server” button.

I’ve tried speaking to multiple therapists about it, how sensitive I am to rejection and how I have been treated in similar ways my whole life, and they never believe me. They always think “there’s no way everyone has treated you that way” but they literally do 😓😩 it’s painful

Edit: I’m in my mid 30s

I’m having a discussion with someone about which animal gives off the most autistic vibes and I’d like input on what y’all think. So far octopus, axolotl, and platypus have come up. Please give a reason.

I feel like I may already know the answer to this, but I often experience a small to moderate amount of disgust when I'm eating, even if it's something I like. Certain things are more likely to cause this than others. Fish is a big one for me. I really like sushi, specifically rolls, but if there is too much fish in the roll or I bite into it weird and I notice the texture of raw fish too much I'm likely to have a strong disgust response or struggle to swallow it.

Same with some of my favourite foods. I love fried eggs cooked over-medium to over-easy, and I would never intentionally hard cook a yolk in a fried egg. But if I get too much yolk or it cools off too fast...yuck.

Sometimes it happens seemingly randomly, but it generally probably involves texture. I'm assuming most non-autistics do not experience a usual level of disgust while eating things they like.

I'll also often experience disgust or just stop being able to eat something once I'm no longer ravenously hungry. First few bites, acceptable, no longer about to pass out from hunger...yucky.

i’ve never had any close friends at all. right now i’m 24 and have no one. i don’t get how it’s so easy for other people to jusy have friends. it’s never been easy to talk to people. i’m so alone.

I had an extended conversation with a friend over the past couple days about a lot of the things the autism community is trying to self advocate for. They recently came out as gay after spending a lot of their life in the closet, so there was some common understanding of masking/hiding yourself.

One point they brought up is how to an outsider, the autism community rejecting searching for a cure but then asking for disability accommodation can seem hypocritical. I believe they understand the position but then don't think we should be seeking accommodation from others, because we can't rely on other people.

Their belief is that we should learn to adapt on our own, so we have the strength to live on our own. I tried explaining how what they described is masking and how that's psychologically harmful. On this point, their view was that it would be better for us to rely on only ourselves rather than the goodwill of strangers, and I don't think they grasped how our masking causes us true harm and therefore is not a universal solution.

Another frustration they indirectly expressed is the spectral nature of autism. They expressed interest in bringing back the four different diagnoses that were combined into ASD under the DSM-V.  They gave an example of describing someone we would describe as having low support needs to someone with high support needs and how it's confusing to allistic people when both are described as autistic while seeming to have wildly different "symptoms", their aim being to highlight how those should be different diagnoses.

I went through the different "levels" and the concept of support needs that can vary across time for a even one person. They expressed that the "layman" can't be expected to know all these things and need better clarity in order to inform public discourse and policy. My counterpoint was that public terminology,  discussion, and policy need to accurately reflect how autism works, rather than trying to force autism to fit into other people's conceptions.

I feel that they don't have ill intentions, and I hope that I was able to provide even a little bit of valuable education. That being said, I'm realizing that they won't be an ally to our community, at least for a long time.

Hi guys, so I’m autistic and I’m currently working as a server in fine dining, and I’m hoping to continue working in fine dining for the foreseeable future as I need something to support me while I’m getting my degree and to save for tuition.

Having said that my journey as a waitress in fine dining has been really wobbly. And though I am now finally confident in my skills to provide an elivated experience for guests and with my ability to multitask with 6-8 tables at a time(max) while also busing tables and running bus tubs back in a decently ordered fashion- I find myself constantly at odds with my neurotypical coworkers.

I ofcourse have taken the responsibility to find out why they are at odds with me- because I know being autistic can sometimes cause me to be rude and genuinly hurt people and therefor there definitely is a relevant cause for concern as to checking myself- and yet I’ve found that my fellow coworkers who don’t seem to have any issues with management( as caused by coworker complaints) aren’t very kind nor often accountable.

I think maybe the issue is that at the level of fine dining- it no longer becomes about being the best server, but also being able to reassure your team that when you do get caught making small mistakes that it’s surely not your fault and an issue with chance. I always 100% take accountability even for the smallest mistakes I make- wheras my coworkers automatically reply with “ I don’t know” and or “ I wasn’t involved” as an instinctual reaction to issues within the Reasturaunt even if it is extremely clear that they where both involved and at fault.

I also feel this may be the case- as before I was promoted I did feel a sense of stronger confidence in my work and would often disregard complaints or issues offhand due to the amount of experience I had in the lower upscale dining establishment i was at, and though looking back i certainly made way more mistakes there than i do now, i know for a fact that my coworkers in this sphere held me to a much higher respect. And i am a new hire at the current fine dining establishment im based at ( been here for around 1 and 1/2 month) so it may be possible that in me trying to show my respect for the coworkers in the higher sohere- who i assumed to be of a much higher skill set than myself- i instead accidentally led them to beleive that i both do not belong there and expect them to feel bad for that fact since im constantly apologizing for things instead of reassuring them of my experience.

Does anyone else have experience insight?

If you are autistic and in the same sphere, have you noticed the same thing?

My biggest struggles are for sure the fight between my ASD brain and the fact that I never will be CLOSE to operating and living like a normal person.

My biggest meltdown trigger is not being able to control something that is bothering me. Loud noises? I can use a muffler. People yelling at me? I can try and shut down.

... The unchanging feeling of doom, depression and disgust that comes with my gender dysphoria? Simply unmanageable.

It has led me to completely isolate inside my home because I simply cannot bring myself to leave my house. I can't work, I can't meet new people.

To be frank, I just feel like a complete waste of oxygen.

I wish it was a therapy thing, but I've tried therapy, psychiatrists, psychologists, support groups and the whole thing. It simply will never change that I cannot be normal in multiple facets, and I have no control over that.

I often cogitate on one advice people often give others, that is, "Work to be your ideal self!"... But my ideal self wouldn't even know I exist, they wouldn't understand how I feel or have the emotions that I do.

That means I cannot ever be how I want to be, nor close to how I want to be. Because I will never not be me.

Hey guys, I'm a final year undergraduate and currently at the stage of finalizing a topic before the project proposal approval.

My current topic is a personalised adaptive and context-aware application to mitigate cognitive load and sensory overload fot autistic adults in higher education and workplace environment. My planned sytems has a simple non stigmatizing UI to prevent social stigma, simple instructions for adults with low digital literacy to avoid abandoning technology, micro task breakdown feature as executive functioning support. My scope is bit broader so i have to adjust into 8 month project duration.

While talking with my allocated supervisor, i realized because this is a sensitive condition i will get trouble in data collecting and testing my application. He mentioned that doctors rarely give the chance to collect autistic adults data and also even if i able to get, when i testing the application i have to do it under medical supervision to prevent triggering any issues. I also have to find a group of people to interview and testing.

I really like this area and i really want to do something using assistive technology to help u guys somehow. Can you guys give me your thoughts advices and suggestion to improve my application. And also do you guys know anyone who did this kind of research and did they able to get data? Drop anything that you guys think that will be helpful to me. Thank you for your kindness.

Hi guys! So as the title says, I’m having my first ever surgery tomorrow and on top of being neurodivergent, I also have cptsd specifically around being sedated. I tend to shock medical staff because I don’t fit their idea of what they think an autistic person “looks like” (obviously no such thing) but I tend to have a lot of meltdowns regarding medical procedures and am prone to running away or becoming unable to regulate and sobbing to the point of making myself sick. I have a severe fear of anesthesia and have spent all week panicking/intensely dysregulated. I wish I knew how people manage to go under general anesthesia without being absolutely petrified and feeling like autonomy is being lost (obv a good thing bc my wrist is shattered lol). I do have a jellycat that is my comfort object and my number one way of regulating but I’m scared of the sensory hell I’ll be in as well (bright lights, sounds, tubes) and also worried that I’ll be judged if I bring my stuffed bunny as a 25 year old woman lol. Also scared of waking up confused or sick. If anyone has any words of encouragement or coping mechanisms for before/during/after, I’d greatly appreciate hearing them 🥺🫶

Granted, I'm only on the first episode, but it seems to me to be an amazing description of life as a autist trying to learn how to navigate the NT world.

I am so lonely and the few people I do talk to I can't relate or connect with. My online circle just hates me and harasses me(I didn't do anything it is just people calling me ugly) . My best and only friend of years ghosted me months ago. My ex bf mistreated me and I can't even go back to him even though he treated me badly because he blocked me.

How do you even cope with being hated and not being able to connect with the people who do talk to you

I got allocated to her on the 8th October after being on the waiting list for 8 months since Feb. I met her on the 13th October with my mother in the room. I was so nervous because i struggle at speaking and didn't want to speak to her. I wanted my mother to do most of the speaking and I would add comments when I'm ready to speak. I have a reddit friend who told me his mother did all the speaking for him during his SNA so I thought it would be the same for me.

but upon first sight she commented on my pink outfit and told me her favourite colour is also pink and the first thing i noticed was how smiley she were. I was nervous and not responding with words but noises to show her i have heard. She asked if she can record our chat on her phone so she can remember what was said in our chat. Me and mum agreed it was fine. The first thing she asked was if I knew what Social workers do and I said yes and i replied They give support to people and help them gain confidence and lead them to their goals.

She had a sheet of paper in front of her with a long list of all the questions to ask me. My mother was also contributing to the answers to help me and told her about my background with growing up to where i am now in life.

I liked how she added funny things to my answers to make me laugh, and she would add funny things to the questions to make them more fun.

She's going to help me claim benefits because I don't work and have never had my own money. And she's going to help me join the disability daycentre where I live too. She also said she's going to stalk me at the daycentre (in a funny way) lol - to check on me and see if i'm progressing at some of the things we spoke about.

I saw her bracelet and pointed out "you're from kenya" to change the topic and her face lit up of joy that I could identify her bracelet flag. I told her I have a kenyan friend online and she told me to tell her that I have a Kenyan social worker 😂.

I told her my special interest was I-Octane the singer and she said she knows who he is but doesnt listen to his music. And she said she's going on a caribbean cruise in a few weeks for her break off work and she's going to buy me Jamaica necklace to wear! I was and still am , in shock.

I am going to make her a gift to say thank you. i am so lucky to have a kind SW. i've never had one before and i was terrified. My next meeting is in 2 weeks for updates.

As someone who has been labeled (not even diagnosed) autistic, I don't think anyone knows the half of what I go through every day. Or half of what I've overcome as of the past 17 years. So many idiosyncrasies in the past have made my family think I'm just an a-hole to them, but I overcame those symptoms and more, although some stick with me, and I don't know who knows or cares...a lot of people call it masking, but I've outgrown more than I've masked. What has remained remains a pain in my ass, and no i won't get tested. Everyone pushes that on me, but it's not gonna help me in the long run. I'm open and honest where I need to be, I work, live, and function pretty decently...and I don't want anything that comes from a diagnosis.

I'm different in quite a few ways that piss people off, but it's how I perceive things. Just about anywhere, let's say at work, I get almost visions or realizations about stuff, and I look at things differently, so most people around me get diagnosed and medicated for this and that, they think it's cool. But if my condition is even the same thing, I don't see the hype. I don't want this, it drives me nuts, and I've had near hateful reactions from those closest to me when I told them that I'm not doing what everyone else does.

Wish I could talk to someone about it, but everyone already thinks I'm nuts. I'm used to it, but I shouldn't be lol

Trying to think of how to explain this. So, a lot of my life, a lot of embarrassment I felt about my (late diagnosed) autism was just how stuck in my brain I felt, being stuck on trying to figure out things in my brain, how my pain and problems felt different than others'. Like it's part of why therapy felt hard for me...it felt like other people's problems were "simpler," more real-world grounded problems like, "I'm having this problem at my job/I'm having this problem in my relationship," whereas my problems were like..."my brain does this weird thing/my brain doesn't work in this way/I can't even get out of my brain to live life," or some problem that felt embarrassingly less 'simple/normal' than everyone else's. I don't mean that in some shitty way where I'm trying to compare or act like my problems were worse...it's just that my autism made me get stuck in my mind more, stuck on details, and even when it came to more real-world problems like my childhood trauma for example, I had a complex (due to un-dx autism and anxiety) that just made me feel like I and my problems were weird somehow, no matter what.

This sounds dumb, but I feel like even when I go to autism subs like this one, I *still* feel out of place when I want to post. I feel like a lot of the time I want to post something that's too depressing, or my topics are still like, stuck on details and thinking and brain workings or whatever. It seems like a lot of the posts here are (totally understandably) about struggles with jobs, struggles finding friends, things like that. Things that still just feel more "normal," and I don't wanna be awkward posting my stuff if it doesn't belong.

Like just to give one example, I've always experienced very severe issues with disorientation I guess, where I have this issue where literally walking from one room to the next can make it feel like my brain's concept of time and groundedness switches and I feel like I'm...I don't wanna say "instantly existing in a different world/different time," but it's kinda like that? I have to struggle to consciously build a sense of linear time. It was worse when I was younger, and to some extent I've found ways to almost mentally override and ignore it, but it still affects me and gets worse at times and is something that has made literally just existing so hard. This feels like a problem I feel crazy trying to explain, and I sort of go, "but I think it's an autism thing and maybe others would understand and relate?" But I don't know.

Or, slightly related to the above paragraph, I still eternally struggle with knowing whether I'm more of like, level 1 + mental health issues, or if I'm just level 2 despite somehow not being diagnosed until my 20s. I guess it makes no real difference, but sometimes I want to discuss that somewhat in depth with others who might be more sure about their "level," compare experiences and maybe figure it out.

Or earlier I was feeling and thinking about some severe struggles I have that I feel are probably related to "weak central coherence," but I can't quite make sense of it all. And I just know if I tried to type it out explaining it, it would feel babbly and awkward and I wouldn't be sure whether it belonged anywhere. But these types of things are some of the experiences that have made me feel the most terrified and alone living as an autistic person, so I feel like I wish I could talk about them somewhere and maybe find someone who relates. But, again, it feels like in autism spaces I've seen like this sub, that still doesn't really see even to be what people are talking about. I don't want to be awkward.

Are there any subs where this type of thing might be fitting?

I'm gay and black. I'm just seeking a space to vent and I'm sorry if this gets deleted or whatever. For a long time I thought i couldn't have autism because I'm so good at reading the room and adjusting my behavior to match others, but it just appeared on a paper my doctor gave me and I thought wtf because I was so damn confused because wtf. Sorry if this is too long lmao. I always got good grades and everyone tells me i'm smart and funny too so idk if i have it or not.

I wouldn't say that I go non-verbal or have selective mutism. I'm still able to speak, but it just takes so much energy to think of what to say and to actually get the words out. Interpreting social situations is already draining enough on its own.

I'm so tired of having to communicate verbally. Why does every social interaction feel like a negotiation? It's so exhausting I just choose to self-isolate. If I wasn't fortunate to be able to live with my parents I'd be doomed.

Speak up. Stand up for yourself. Advocate for yourself. There's so much communication required just to get through a regular day. I understand that people can't read my mind, but the energy cost for speaking is just too high. It's not sustainable. I don't know what to do. I feel like I can't function in society because I burn out just from speaking.

Who am I, what am I? Where does my "self" end and my autism begin? Where is the boundary between my character—my personality—and my autism and hypersensitivity? Where is my personhood defined—as a living being—and where do my depression, my traumas, and my life experiences begin? Who am I, what am I, if not a middle-aged man who blurs the lines between himself and others, the world, and nature? Where do I end and others—or the world—begin? I don’t know. I feel as though I am one with everything. I don’t know where my own boundaries lie. I don’t know the difference between simply being a human and being an autistic man. What am I? A living being? An autistic person? Someone with chronic depression? A survivor of abuse? Someone with a disordered personality? How could I possibly know what it’s like to be a neurotypical—someone perhaps without trauma, a history of abuse, or mental health struggles—when I am neurodivergent? Where is the line between me and my autism? There isn’t one. How could I be "me" if I weren’t autistic? I couldn’t. I am simply me.

I have tried getting involved with so many communities (furry,brony,gaming,art,etc) and interests over the years and I feel it’s just a drag on my life. I honestly don’t find enjoyment in any of those things and it’s just a drug to help me distract myself from the fact that I’m a girl in a guys body and not able to do anything about it. I just feel like I don’t fit in anywhere in these fandoms and that I force myself to have a fursona or draw just for the sake of conformity when I really don’t want to do it.

I also force myself to be Thomas but I really don’t like living as him and feel really uncomfortable. I’ve tried the new name Tiffany lately and I really like that name much more. I hate being seen as a guy and I am just numb to it now and detached from my body from being referred to as such.

Honestly I want to move onto another chapter of my life that isn’t nerd culture or art or ponies as I don’t get anything out of it and I never really found community in those spaces.

Hi! Im in my last year of college but about two years ago, I went into a really bad autistic burnout and it got to the point where I was severely depressed and suicidal. Around this time I had just gotten with my first partner and had lots of exams, parties etc. I’m completely fine now but I often find myself worrying and working myself up about social events in case they lead to burnout. The worrying usually uses more energy than the actual event. I’m constantly weighing up whether something could use too much energy and although this is useful, it just leads me to feeling anxious and wanting to ditch the event altogether. I was just wondering if it is normal to feel this way and if anyone has any advice on what would help or does it just take time?

Me (25M) and my Neurotypical girlfriend (28F) of 3 1/2 years have been talking about getting married for the past year-ish. I love this girl so much but anytime I think about the idea of proposing I get paralyzed, it’s not that I don’t want to I just don’t know how to be ready I guess. What doesn’t help is she is an immigrant here on asylum and all the uncertainty, stress, anxiety etc. that brings. Today she got a message that she needs to do her weekly check-in in person and is extremely scared and stressed about it. She asked if I was finally ready to propose because if I did she would have an extra layer of security if anything were to happen… I don’t know what to do because I still after months of trying to come to terms with the idea am now getting pressured into a very quick decision. I love this girl so much and can’t imagine losing her, but I am just paralyzed and don’t know how to explain why. Can anyone give me any advice because I don’t know what to do.

22F struggling with keeping jobs due to anxiety, PSTD (diagnosed) and possible autism (haven't been diagnosed)

The jobs that I have kept in the past, I struggled majorly with. Eventually, after repetition, I would learn the ropes. At some points, I felt like I would hit a wall, and sought work elsewhere.

Recently, I have been job hunting and struggling with the lack of direction and training for the positions I get accepted for. In my current position, I have multiple roles depending on what is scheduled on the calendar that day. Some days I instruct, sometimes I work behind the desk, and sometimes I assist. Though, if I work behind the desk, they expect me to multi-task by assisting and being behind the desk. Which wouldn't be an issue, but I did not feel prepared to be put behind the desk with only a "You got it? Alright, I'm heading out" after watching someone else do the work.

I require structure in training. Easy, direct explanations of what to do, how to do it, and prefer if someone higher in position than me is there on shift to ask questions to. These needs were not being met, and I struggled with the computer system greatly because of it. I got reprimanded for not checking out a customer correctly, because I got flustered and wasn't focused on what I was doing at that exact moment due to running around the building and assisting prior.

I explained that I was busy with other things at the moment and apologized for checking them out incorrectly. My manager proceeded to tell me that "Its like Darwinism around here, if we can't trust you behind the desk we can't have you behind here anymore. every little thing you mess up adds up"

They proceeded to list a few other "rules" that I wasn't "following" (wearing a plain black shirt instead of my black work shirt, of which i was only given one, etc) which tipped me over into frustration and tears once I was out of sight and the conversation was over. I was just trying to follow the rules that I was aware of, and didn't have enough confidence to be on a shift by myself.

Does anyone else feel like you need extra training time when you start a new job/project? Or struggle with asking for extra help?