I stared an acting class honeslty just because after tow years of cancer treatment I wanted to socialize in a place that wasn't the hospital. I admit I feel la little discuraged after the first lesson. I knew the first lessons where about body expression ect, but It was more physically demanding than going to the gym for me. After chemo and still ongoin hormonal therapy for cancer I get tured easily, not so much stamina ,and still some neurophaty . I didn't exepct the lesson to be all about walking running,stretching ,eunning, walking bascially on one legs, running ,strstching again etc,whitout not even a pause. I felt angry at myslef and ashmed to feel tired adter like 2030 minutes and sweating like an animal( the meds I take makes me sweating more too) seeing all the other not tired like me ,even the 70 yo..like I was happy till 2 weeks ago I can walk 2.3 km without stopping with MY OWN pace, after last years during chemo even doing 3 stairs were painful ,and last night nearly all the execrise was follwing the pace of the others and similar things. let alone without even presenting oursevel alredy hain to touch eachtoher.
Like I was mad at myslef seeeing again how I was so pathetic comapred to others,and being overweight(gained also weight during chemo,I am loosing it because adhd meds are helping me with binge eating ) I feared to ask because I was fearing to be judged silently due to my weight8no beofre chemo I wasnt alim tet I had way more stamina!), and also due to admit how much weak I stil was.
I was also a little angry the teachers din't even think for am ome t to propose to stop and et us rest for 5 minutes, if we wanted to rest a moment we had to expose oursleves to all the other strangers
I know it was done to make us learn how to move in a space with other people and getting more tuned, but gosh I was so much exhausted I didn't have the enrgy ot evne have a momet of fun and feel pretty discuraged.
Post edit: yeah at the end I had to ask to stop, but honestly it was quite brutal for me finding myself again facing for a whole lesson my new limits in front of if strangers the first time I met them in an class I enjoyed hoping just to socialise, have fun and forget for at least 2 hours about cancer... Instead I end up having to stop in the middle of exercises in front of strangers because I had pain to the feet due to neuropathy.
It was quite discouraging facing already in the first lesson those limits and struggles in a situation I hoped to enjoy myself
Iike there's no fun to expose myself if in front of people and constantly showing my weaknesses, limits and how behind I am