r/weddingshaming • u/fatpony57 • May 22 '26

Dressed like a Bride Guest in white lace with matching headress

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Grooms brothers GF Worn a white lace outfit with matching white lace head peice. Rude!!!!

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1.1k

u/NurseRobyn May 22 '26

Yes, tea please! I always wonder if the woman doing this is hoping her boyfriend will want to marry her because she looks like a bride, it’s very strange.

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u/echoshatter May 22 '26

From what I've heard, it's basic attention-seeking behavior. The saying "There's no such thing as bad press." comes to mind.

Women know not to wear white to someone else's wedding. Yet I've seen it from young AND old; imagine an aunt who shows up to her nephew's wedding wearing white; it's happened and it's like "Yo, WTF? Why?" and the reason is usually narcissism.

Other reasons I've heard: she's jealous of the bride, or doesn't like the bride and is being petty. Or that she's actually infatuated with the groom and she just wants him to notice her. Yes, this does happen, I've been to a wedding that was the case and it was tacky as hell.

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u/NotMavericksGoose May 22 '26

I once wore a short light pink dress with lace details to a friend's wedding and in the pictures it ended up looking white. It's been ten years but about once a month i still randomly go into my closet and look at that dress to remind myself that it really was pink and i did not wear a white dress to someone's wedding. I can't fathom what goes on in a woman's mind when she does this on purpose.

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u/Girleatingcheezits May 22 '26

My MIL's green silk dress flashed a little white in some pictures at my wedding and I assure you, I did not care at all. It was definitely green in person! My soon-to-be SIL, however, called up my MIL and raked her over the coals, making her promise not to "ruin" HER wedding photos by appearing to wear white. She remains a terrible person.

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u/LonelyMenace101 May 22 '26

Making mental notes to only wear deep colours because I’m paranoid that will happen to me.

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u/DecadentLife May 23 '26

I just had a maid of honor, my lifelong best friend. I had a credit at a big box bridal store, I told her to pick out any bridesmaid dress there, including whatever color she wanted, that I just wanted her to feel beautiful.

She showed up to my wedding wearing a deep red, very, very low-cut dress. She did pick one of the bridesmaid dresses, but then she sized down, by at least two sizes, to make it tighter and even lower cut. (it was also strapless).

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u/peachyspoons May 23 '26

Still best friends?

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u/DecadentLife May 23 '26

No ma’am. She did some things that were not kind and we drifted apart, to an extent. At 40, I found out I had cancer (stomach, I was very sick), I didn’t want to risk her finding out from someone else, if I didn’t make it. I called her and I told her I had cancer. One sentence. She SCREAMED at me, over and over, “FUCK YOU!”

That was the last time we spoke. I will always care for her, if she needs help, and I can provide it, I will. But I don’t want that energy in my life.

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u/the_itsb May 23 '26

I can't imagine what a hurtful shock that must have been. I hope that you are healthy and happy now, and that you got through that terrible time surrounded by a loving and supportive community of care.

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u/DecadentLife May 24 '26

Thank you, that’s very kind of you. I got a lot better, but my cancer came back, this last year. I’m going to be all right, it’s very treatable. I’ll probably be feeling a lot better in just a few months. In terms of support, the support that I most need is from my partner, and he has been there every step of the way. I’m really grateful for that. 🩷

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u/effietea May 23 '26

what the hell? That's insane

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u/DecadentLife May 24 '26

It was odd, certainly. It made me sad, more than anything else.

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u/CluckCluckChickenNug May 24 '26

Huh? Context?

Why would she just keep yelling that. I had a situation like this where a friend I was actually trying to help kept yelling “fuck you!!” at me repeatedly. Something about this person and situation doesn’t seem right.

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u/DecadentLife May 24 '26

She didn’t used to be that way. I know that I put up with way too much, for way too long, but it wasn’t usually that bad. She was used to stepping all over me, but I still didn’t expect the reaction I got, I really was just trying to spare her any pain.

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u/2blackbirds May 24 '26

Not trying to excuse her behavior because that was NOT the appropriate reaction, and not sure if any other things transpired between you two, but just as a surface level interpretation of this one interaction: perhaps the news of your diagnosis and the thought of losing you scared her and she responded with misdirected anger, hence the screaming.

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u/MsSamm May 25 '26

You're much kinder than I would be after that.

I hope you are cancer-free now, or on your way to being cancer free.

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u/United_Pain May 25 '26 edited May 25 '26

I'm so sorry to hear that, I'm so happy you are living though! Glad you survived. My mom is also a cancer survivor (five times, she's a short little blonde rocker chick who kicked cancer's ass!), and you really do figure out who your true friends are when you tell them you have cancer. I think selfish (think narcissistic but we're not diagnosing anybody here) people get so jealous when somebody gets sick and needs special care in some way.

I'm so sorry you got screamed at that like that. That must have been horrifying 🫂

Edit: typo

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u/PunchingChickens May 28 '26

What was the straw that broke the camels back?

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u/Routine_Bluejay4678 May 24 '26

Right?! This group almost has me wearing black to every wedding 😂

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u/andymayebay May 26 '26

A cousin got mad at me for wearing a black dress to her wedding. Said my choice of a “funeral dress” implied that I didn’t support their marriage. You literally cannot please some people. So you might as well be comfortable!

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u/[deleted] May 26 '26

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u/andymayebay May 27 '26

It certainly used to be - much like not wearing white after Labor Day, no skirts above the knee after 35, and no denim in the office. But I don’t know anyone who subscribes to those rules anymore. Also, if all the men are in black/dark suits for a dressy wedding, it seems a bit ridiculous to expect women to avoid white, black, pale pastels, dark jewel tones, and anything bright or attention-getting. What’s left?

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u/Silen8156 May 22 '26

Some fun SIL you will have soon.

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u/Girleatingcheezits May 22 '26

I have her. She is awful. But don't worry, she pretends to be super sweet so it's ok!

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u/Unfurlingleaf May 23 '26

Yikes, that actually sounds worse. At least the ones who are straight up bitchy aren't lying to your face and pretending to like you.

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u/Girleatingcheezits May 23 '26

It's worse for sure!

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u/ALemonyLemon May 23 '26

Sounds like my aunt. The most vile person you'll ever meet. Like she deserves a well-placed bullet, nothing more, nothing less. And I'm against the death penalty and all that, so I don't say that lightly. Figured I wouldnt write a novel about why though lol

Anyway, I'm an auditor, so partly client-facing. One client just very recently hired someone who seems to be exactly like that. I clocked it immediately, but my coworker was like "oh she seems so kind and competent:)" oh baby nooo. I'll probably have to ask to be taken off the client because dear god i dont get paid enough for that

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u/Girleatingcheezits May 23 '26

Apparently BIL isn't quite as good at reading people....

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u/deadly_ultraviolet May 23 '26

Figured I wouldnt write a novel about why though lol

Oh please do write a novel, I and all of reddit are always here for a good novel!

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u/ALemonyLemon May 23 '26

Well where do we start😂 this turned out to really be a novel sorryyyy you're obviously not really obligated to read it

My aunt has four children. The youngest is a girl. When the kids wanted to make mum happy when they were younger, they'd tell her they loved their younger sister very very much. In itself? Weird, I guess. But I feel like it's a good example of the fucked up-ness that is my aunt.

The kids were all (except the girl, obvs) taken out of school for "mental health" at various points, which in itself is what happens. However, she would write about everything on facebook, in detail. It was very clear that she was looking for praise and sympathy. She will post about anything on facebook if it will make people feel sorry for her. The kid would go to therapy, but every time the therapist would catch on to the fact that their mum was the issue, and they'd immediately be taken out of therapy. At one point CPS got involved and was working on removing the children but she heard about it somehow and moved so they couldn't. Also note this was when they were teenagers (basically the age gaps meant one of the boys was always a teenager), so privacy certainly should've been a thing. All the boys moved out (and very far away) as soon as they could.

Then there's how she treated my grandma. Because my aunt doesn't work, she is obviously the victim because her siblings have done well for themselves. So she started "helping" my grandma with her finances and stuff after my grandpa passed away. Because my aunt will raise HELL if you say no, my grandma sort of gave in and I guess figured my aunt wasn't that bad of a person that she'd actually steal anything (or ya know, much).

Ohhhh boy. Well, at one point, my cousin had three horses at once. Remember how my aunt doesn't work? Neither did my cousin. Turns out my aunt had been spending about $100k a year of my grandma's money. She'd managed to convince my grandma she was basically poor. Which at that point I guess she kind of was, although my aunt did allow my grandma one $10k designer chair (relevant later). She's also "helped" multiple other poorly retirees with their finances. Guess why.

But it was just cash, right? also no. There was three break-ins at my grandma's (two when my grandpa was still alive, I guess, but either way). That's obviously a bit odd because someone would be home the vast majority of the time. What was weirder though, was that it was only jewellery that was taken despite my grandma always having quite expensive classic designer furniture. I'm talking a $20k chair, a $10k small sofa, 6 chairs worth probably $5k, etc. It's the classics where I am, so anybody doing break-ins would know to take them. The jewellery was hidden as well. The last time, my aunt managed to convince my grandma that she must've just forgotten to lock the front door (despite her always checking it etc) cause there were no signs of anybody breaking in. When my grandma moved, my aunt insisted the very expensive couch should go in the (pretty much unlocked) basement. Guess why.

Well, when her other kids finally convinced my grandma to stop letting my aunt "help" her with the finances, my aunt just stopped talking to her. She called a few times to yell at her and sent some vile texts but that was it. Apart from one time she showed up at the front door to take two garden chairs that my grandma really liked that my aunt insisted belonged to her (they didn't). My grandma tried calling her at first but my aunt would tell her to not contact her etc.

The next time my aunt saw my grandma was at the hospital almost two years later, after my grandma died. My grandma always wore this one necklace. After my aunt went to the hospital? Yea, gone. Took it off her dead body.

She showed up to the funeral and took up the two front rows. Hadn't seen her mother in over a fucking year. Even met with the priest doing the funeral to talk about how good of a mother my grandma was etc.

Now, the inheritance thing is going through court. My grandma always had this system where if you wanted to inherit something, she'd write your name on the back. Bit odd looking back lol, but she'd do it very fairly and all that. There's this one painting, for example, that has had my name on it since I was 5 or 6. Everyone just knew that it was going to be mine, no worries. Did take out a lot of stress about splitting things.

Turns out, the chair my aunt let my grandma buy had my one cousin's name underneath. She brought it up in court and literally nobody knew about it. My grandma supposedly promised him he could have it etc. Bit odd, cause the "system" didn't apply to furniture. Even more odd because that cousin has not seen my grandma in years (drug addict) and would have literally never seen this chair. Also of course he'd supposedly said to just give it to his mum who'd pass it to him.

Also, my aunt was written out of the will after it came out how much money she'd stolen. She signed an agreement to pay like $150k back, that she did it without being allowed to etc. In court, when she was told that she had been removed from the will, she played the victim card. Unfortunately, the lawyer who wrote the agreement is also handling court, so she brought up that ya know, maaaaaybe the agreement she signed had something to do with it. It was confidential so she didn't say what it contained so she couldn't actually explain it to the court, but either way my aunt got into a rage and stormed out lol.

Last I saw her was at a funeral a few weeks ago. Keep in mind it was inside the church and there were probably like 5 other people there. 1 of them had just lost his mother. My aunt came up to me and my mum in a rage saying that we were taking everything from the estate and that my nan died alone (it was quite sudden and my mum was there). She said her siblings couldn't even be bothered showing up and how dare we. Had to promise my mum to never tell a soul about that one because it would crush them to hear that. She finished off by going off about someone having gotten some bookcases (????). My grandma gave them to me two years ago. Didn't know they were supposedly worth anything (not sure they are either tbh).

She literally went from being soooo nice to me to that. There's been zero interaction in between.

I don't wish bad stuff upon anyone except for her. I wish nothing but harm on her.

Worst part is my grandma was the most caring person you'd meet. She took in her nephew when her sister was mentally ill and couldn't care for him. That was on top of working as a nurse and her (and my grandpa's) own four kids. She also took care of her sister when she couldn't care for herself. Her and my grandpa retired early to help my aunt take care of the kids. I struggled both in school and at home as a kid, and every time she'd tell me that I had to remember that it could never be the children's fault. Now it seems kind of obvious but back then it was so comforting because I grew up thinking I must be the issue. She'd give anyone the shirt off her back. I miss her, she was the best.

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u/deadly_ultraviolet May 24 '26

Two things, first I'm so sorry you've had to deal with her and all the trauma associated with her, and second thank you so much, I love other people's drama because it helps me feel less crazy because of the drama I'm involved in 🫂

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u/United_Pain May 25 '26

WOW damn I'm so sorry you've had to deal with that in life! Your poor grandma... I relate so hard because my uncles would totally treat my late Gramma like crap and it made me vehemently angry. Ugh. Some people. Totally understand your feelings.

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u/og_toe May 22 '26

when i was 13 i wore my white little lace dress to my aunts wedding. i had no idea about attire rules and nobody told me anything. it was a very formal dress.

i still think about it a decade later. i recently apologized for it and thankfully nobody had taken any offense to it but god it grates me. why was i allowed to go like that 😅

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u/Pristine-throwaway-4 May 23 '26

Because you were a child, it's clearly not the same. I promise you can forgive your inner child for not knowing

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u/DetectiveCrafty5413 Jun 01 '26

Little girls can wear white. 13 is in that transitional area where the mother should have stepped in.

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u/One_Tank1339 May 23 '26

Children often wear white as flower girls etc

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u/TwinkleTubs May 23 '26

I did the same to a cousin's when I was 14. My mom still talks about how I wore white, and how horrible I was. She purchased the outfit, made me wear said outfit. I still cringe! Lol

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u/Pristine-throwaway-4 Jun 01 '26

Oooooof sounds like your mother doesn't like you very much. Sorry to hear that.

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u/TwinkleTubs Jun 01 '26

She doesn't unfortunately it took almost 50 years to figure it out. 🙂

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u/electlady25 May 23 '26

Girl I did the same thing around that age and my mom cared to mention it to me AFTER the reception

Like why didn't you tell me before 😭

But I know In reality no one cared bc I was a child lol

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u/og_toe May 23 '26

whyyyyy do they do this!!!

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u/Indigo-Hippo May 23 '26

This is me but I was 18. But I was a very young 18... May as well have been 13 in comparison to some 18 year olds. 🤣 It still haunts me too and how did no one say anything to me before the wedding?

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u/ConsciousReindeer265 May 24 '26

Omg SAME! 17 and had just graduated high school. My nicest dress was the white knee-length one I’d gotten for my grad ceremony, and I thought it would be on-theme and celebratory for a wedding! 😭 no one said anything (I’ve since asked my mom and she had no idea of the etiquette rule), but I’m in my 30s and still cringe about it.

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u/Indigo-Hippo May 24 '26

I think mine was my graduation dress too!! 😂

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u/Steele_Soul May 23 '26

Same exact thing happened to me! I was 13 and it was for my oldest brothers wedding. I wore a white dress that had a lace pattern all over it from the store Deb's. But the thing is, my brother's fiance was the one that took me shopping for it! Why didn't anyone say anything to me!? Because I thought everyone was supposed to wear white to weddings! I had never been to one, prior.

I haven't spoke to that side of the family for other reasons, but I guarantee they love to bring it up every now and then and call me tacky.

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u/og_toe May 23 '26

haha me too! i was like ”it’s a wedding, of course i should wear white” 😂 but honestly, a full white wedding would be beautiful, or at least if everyone wore light colors

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u/CautiousPlantain5543 May 25 '26

Because you were obviously young… my soon to be niece was my junior bridesmaid/flower girl, she was about 10 by then and after she saw my tiara, she really wanted one. We ended up finding a dress that was white, complimented my dress, in an age appropriate way and bought her a similar, but smaller tiara. You couldn’t tell her she was anything but a mini me for her TiTi. That was the name she decided she would call me the first day she met me a few years prior. She’s grown with 2 kids, but I am still her TiTi, with an added 2 girls that look just like her.

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u/CaitlinAnne21 May 23 '26

lol all I can hear is the exchange between Danielle from Summer House and a mutual friend: “I still have a problem with you wearing white to our friend’s wedding.”

  • ”IT WAS PINK!”

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u/Consistent_Milk1885 May 23 '26

This happened to me too with a pink tulle gown and I immediately sold it after seeing the pictures. I still cringe at myself and always wear deep/bright colors now.

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u/Silently-Snarking Jun 12 '26

Me with the light blue dress I wore to my friend’s wedding that still haunts me 😂😂

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u/NotMavericksGoose Jun 12 '26

So glad this is a universal experience 😂

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u/classy-mother-pupper May 22 '26

Yeah. That’s how it goes. My SIL showed up in a “cream” colored dress for my daughter’s wedding. And also announced her daughter’s engagement to practically every person the entire evening. There was 200 people. We didn’t let the bride know about that. The bride and groom were the highlight of the night. And my sil is a horrible person.

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u/TimeComposer1059 May 22 '26

Confession time: I didn’t know wearing white to a wedding that wasn’t yours was unacceptable until my 20’s…. I’m 29.

Let me tell you why.

I grew up in a strict, fundamentalist household. Wearing white was almost mandatory for most ladies to wear as guests in the religion. Dark colors like black or red were viewed as “evil” or “of the devil”.

Even though I’ve been non-religious for over a decade, I had never heard conversations about white not being appropriate to wear as a guest until years later. Found out online.

Never. Again!!

90

u/nettster May 22 '26

To be fair on that apparently qearing red means you've slept with thw groom in some areas

58

u/clarabear10123 May 22 '26

And wearing all black is bad luck, too

132

u/pantry-pisser May 22 '26

Too many fuckin rules. Everybody goes naked.

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u/thesoundofechoes May 22 '26

Lwaxana Troi approves of this message

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u/jonesnori May 23 '26

Just wear blue

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u/exobiologickitten May 22 '26

Well, my closet only has black and red in it, so I guess no matter what I’m pissing somebody off

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u/OpportunityGold4054 May 23 '26

Also Wearing black is a symbol of mourning so not the best choice for weddings.

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u/Rude_Kaleidoscope641 May 23 '26

My MIL had her MIL wear a black house dress to her wedding…. my MIL not Italian marrying a very Italian guy whose mother was NOT happy about it. They ended up being very close later in life.

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u/Exotic_Bandicoot_170 May 23 '26

i wear black to weddings and now its expected

Every wedding i have gone too(where i am not a Bridesmaid)I wear black and brides will actually ask are you wearing your traditional black

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u/Adventurous_Area9294 May 23 '26

I think this should go by the wayside. Black is a nice formal color.

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u/JustMe1314 May 23 '26

Black once was the mourning color. Then, i believe it was early 1900s, Chanel (if I'm not mistaken) created the Little Black Dress, and continued to create them in different fits, designs, etc. Then we eventually were blessed with such a beautiful one as the one in Breakfast At Tiffany's. 🖤🤍

https://giphy.com/gifs/71M6HCKTDKuVq

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u/Positive_Hall_3207 May 23 '26

Hubert de Givenchy was a master . Thank you for mentioning this dress .

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u/Exotic-Steak-4662 May 23 '26

Holy shit. So 25 years ago, my sister in law wanted everyone to wear muted colors to her wedding. I hate her and she REALLY pissed me off in the weeks leading up to the wedding so I found this tight red dress and wore that. Now to hear that red means you’ve slept with the groom……….i feel all sorts of icky.

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u/Roxnsoxinator May 24 '26

Unless the wedding theme colors are red and another color. When my daughter got married her colors were red and blue. As a mother of the bride she asked me to match her color so I wore a red dress 😂😂

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u/nettster May 25 '26

Yea thats valid 😆

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u/twothirtysevenam May 23 '26

I was raised not to wear white, black, nor red to weddings.  White is reserved for the bride.  Black is for funerals.  Red draws undeserved attention.  Basically if anybody noticed what you wear, you screwed up.

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u/GraphiteAB May 25 '26

I look terrible in white. If I get married, I get to wear whatever color I want and everyone else has to wear white. Get me my jewel toned wedding gown!

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u/CryptographerLost760 May 23 '26

Where I come from, nobody obcesses over what guest wear to a wedding. Just dress appropriately. I personally wouldn't care if someone wore white to my wedding.

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u/ChelleInSand May 22 '26

I still don’t understand why anyone would do it though. I mean I completely understand people with pettiness and narcissism but this is literally just making YOU look bad. Everyone there is seeing your terrible behavior on display, it doesn’t make you look good.

The only way it makes sense to me is if your level of hate for the person is much higher than any desire to preserve your own reputation and piss off people who will now take it out on you, so it would only make sense to me if you REALLY hated them. But I guess there are mental gymnastics here I just don’t get.

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u/_Solani_ May 23 '26

Narcissists have a really distorted understanding of the way others perceive them. They're notorious for being able to lie to themselves about their behaviour so what you and I see is people giving them dirty looks for being an attention whore they perceive as envy.

Sure everyone was giving them the side eye and making snarky comments about their dress but that's obviously just because they looked amazing and everyone was jealous. 🤷

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u/Additional_Drama_723 May 27 '26

Hey so some people are just not aware of this rule!

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u/LaCorazon27 May 23 '26

Thing is, this is not only a huge and unforgivable faux pas, it’s not even good. Like, wtf is that outfit even!?

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u/ConcentrateTrue May 23 '26

I saw it almost happen at a wedding a few years ago. I had to argue with the guest (a now-ex-friend), who was insisting that she was going to wear a white lace dress to our mutual friend's wedding. Thank goodness, she backed down. She didn't back down because of me, but I think she got horrified reactions from enough people that she changed her plans.

In my ex-friend's case, it was 100% narcissism, and that was one of the moments that really opened my eyes to the kind of person she was.

That argument was so surreal. I felt like I was arguing with someone who was standing at the edge of a cliff and about to jump with no parachute, while the would-be jumper rolled their eyes and sneered at me and insisted, "Ugh, whatever, what do you know, it'll be fine."

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u/Alternative-Being181 May 25 '26

In the wedding attire sub, I was downvoted for saying that a dress that was white and lacy is not appropriate to wear to a wedding. It’s confusing given the whole point of that sub is to determine what is appropriate wedding guest attire.

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u/tverofvulcan May 23 '26

The only other people who can white besides the bride are flower girls.

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u/Jedi_Mind_Chick May 23 '26

Yeah, if you want the entire wedding talking shit behind your back all night (and beyond), this is the way. For sure.

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u/Narrow-Fix1907 May 23 '26

I dunno, I think that some weirdos just think that it's an antiquated faux pas that doesn't apply anymore, like you have to wear black to a funeral. I'm sure there are narcissistic circumstances that lead to women doing it but I also think there is a large subset of airheaded clueless people on this planet that think that good intensions offset social rules

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u/HellLucy00Burnaslash May 24 '26

One of the very reasons my wedding will be is going to be small and for close friends/chosen family! No sympathy features here. I will accept the (very unlikely) fallout with open arms. I am just so fortunate that I already have a small knit of close ones, and the plenty of friendly connections understand that I am polite but reserved.

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u/survivingzillenial May 25 '26

The headpiece makes this so much funnier.

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u/Additional_Drama_723 May 27 '26

I’m so sorry but I never heard of the “never wear white to a wedding” rule until well into my 20’s. You can’t just assume everyone knows. If it was my wedding I wouldn’t give 2 fucks if someone wore white. Not that I would do it anymore knowing people’s attitudes towards it LOL. But yeah, maybe this girl doesn’t know and people are being so mean to her with accusations and assumptions!

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u/Post_girl May 27 '26

I didn't know about the white thing until like 2 years ago after watching Charlotte Dobre. I had no clue and I'm 36. 🤷‍♀️ I know now.

15

u/PuppyJakeKhakiCollar May 22 '26

That was my guess. She is not-so-subtly hinting she wants to be next. It's nice of her to give him such a obvious signal to run for his life.

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u/GiantLesbian May 22 '26

My mom tries to wear white to every wedding in my family and my dad and I have to spend forever talking her out of it.

The only rationale she’ll give is “the last time I got to wear white at a wedding was my wedding” (and then she gets all starry-eyed remembering her wedding). But it’s like, yeah mom, that’s how it works! Everybody only gets to wear white to a wedding when it’s their wedding!

She just thinks that’s a rule designed make sure nobody mistakes who the bride is though so she gets flattered and acts like we think people would confuse her for the bride. I guess in her mind the only reasons this rule could exist are (a) to not have anybody get confused on who’s getting married, or (b) to be mean to people and deny them their happiness.

She is very much someone who responds to feelings over logic. The only thing that keeps her from wearing white is us repeatedly insisting she will hurt the bride’s feelings.

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u/calling_water May 23 '26

Or hoping others will bring it up, oh you’d make such a lovely bride…

Instead she looks confused. It’s not a group wedding, hun, there’s only one bride.

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u/DisgruntledPelican-1 May 24 '26

That is EXACTLY what I was thinking.

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u/Thin_Tangerine_6271 May 25 '26

I want to see the front of the outfit!