I hope this is ok to post here. I'm in a wedding next week I'm hoping to find out if this is normal behavior for a venue.

The venue sent an email a yesterday saying that the wedding party's bags are subject to search upon arrival. This seems like an wild invasion of privacy and kind of bizarre. I've planned events for work at similar size venues and I've never been asked to have my bag searched for an event. I've also been involved in a fair number of weddings and never heard of a policy like this. Interestingly, the venue specifically said in their email that they won't search our bags without us present, but there are reviews from a few years ago where people's bags were searched while they weren't in the room and the venue confiscated someone's bag because there was a bottle of wine in it.

Anyway my question is, how outside the bounds of normal is this for a wedding venue?

For reference, it's a 200 person venue, in the U.S., and fairly fancy. The venue company does the catering and bar as well, which of course costs extra. Seems odd to require a bag check for someone who is giving you thousands of dollars to rent a space for a private event. But that's just my take. Thanks in advance for your input.

Oak and ember films is associated with a man named Brandon Carter. This is his eighth business name because he keeps scamming brides through wedding video and photography. Avoid using OAK AND EMBER films. I’m listing a picture of their social media. His last business was Aspen and rock and he is currently serving time in prison for scamming brides over the last couple years. He plan to reopen oak and ember films in 2027 when he is released. Heed this warning ‼️‼️‼️

How soon is too soon to start planning your wedding and designing your dress? I’m doing a Sweet 16 vow renewal 11.11.28. We didn’t have a wedding so I’m extremely excited about this, however how soon is too soon to start planning I know I want my dress custom made and my wedding party as well (it’s just my mom, daughters, sisters, and MIL). I’ve been planning and designing now but I was told to wait til a year our so November of next year but my thought process is that time goes by so fast and with work, kids, family 2 years will be gone before I know it. So how soon is too soon?

(Cross posted from r/weddingplanning)

Because I am currently in the process of planning our Jack & Jill party and was searching around this subreddit to get ideas, I'd like to put out a PSA regarding what these things are, based on some of the comments and responses I've been seeing calling them "trashy," "cheap" and all the names under the sun.

A Stag Party (or just a "Stag"), in the United States, (I know they're more common in the UK) is a very regional thing. Where I'm from (Connecticut), they are extremely common, particularly in Italian-American and Portuguese-American communities. They are male-only parties whose entire purpose is to make cash. They are usually organized by the groomsmen and charge a ticket fee per person (typically $20-$40) to attend. Stags have food, usually an open bar, and typically have raffle prizes that raffle tickets are sold for. It is normal, in fact EXPECTED, for people who are not invited to the wedding itself to be invited to and attend the Stag. My fiancé, who is 100% Italian-American, attends at least half dozen of these a year. They are unapologetically a fundraising & community event, and always a fun time.

In recent years, it has become more and more of a trend in my community to make Stags gender-inclusive, renaming them "Jack and Jills." Everything remains the same, including the tickets, raffles, etc., except people of all genders attend. Once again, it is extremely normal for people not invited to the wedding to attend these. They are usually "open invite" events that anyone can come to. I've been to a few Jack and Jills this year and had a great time at all of them, despite only being invited to one of the actual weddings.

Once again, I recognize that this is a hyper-regional thing, and that not everyone will understand the custom. I simply ask that this subreddit (and in real life) take a moment to consider differences in customs before jumping to name-calling and calling others' cultural and community events "trashy." Maybe it is to you, and that's fine, if that's what you think. But others' customs are not inferior to yours simply because you are not used to them, or view them as a "cash grab."

With all that said... anybody have any good ideas for indoor Jack & Jill games and raffles? 😅

I know *I* pay my share obviously. I am a bridesmaid for a friend and she wants to go to Dominican for her Bachelorette for 4 days.

I have never been to a resort. I have never booked any travel for me. It is really embarrassing to admit, but traveling just hasn't been on my bucket list.

Who pays Who?? The Bride is and doesnt mind being in charge of everything, so does she book it for EVERYONE and we all just pay her back and then therefore we all go together? Because if not and we have to book it ourselves but making sure its obviously the same resort and hopefully the same flight? i am not going to lie, i am getting bad anxiety about navigating an airport by myself, and especially scared about arriving at a completely different country with a different language and trying to find my way from the airport to the resort. And the whole time at the resort I'll just be thinking i have to do this again. I DO and am going on this trip no matter what though.

Soooo can someone tell me how this usually works?? I will at some point talk to her about it obviously(its not till February) but i am embarrassed and just want to be prepared lol

My long time friend and cousin are getting married same weekend in a few weeks. Both are important people that I’ve been through a lot with in my life and we have supported each other throughout our ups and downs.

One I’ve rsvpd for since about a month or so ago. The other was just sprung up and announced.

One is a full wedding with reception and the other one is a laid back, reception only event with family.
They are starting at the same time and are 2 hours driving distance apart.

Would it be appropriate to go to ceremony and part of cocktail hour for one and then leave and go to my cousins reception?

Or is it too late and I should stick to the one I rsvp’d for? I’d love to find some way to celebrate and be with both but don’t want to be rude.

My fiancé proposed over the weekend in VA. We are over the moon excited and want to celebrate with our friends, but we are saving for the wedding itself and don’t know how long that process will take. We’re expecting probably 4 years before the wedding, to give ourselves ample time to save up money and fully plan a wedding. Additionally, we live in FL but think it’s highly likely we’ll get married in VA, and that’s over 15 hours away by car. Since the wedding is so far away, both time and location wise, I want to be able to celebrate with our friends now.

Would it be weird to have our own engagement party now, when we really don’t know much about how the actual wedding will look and when it might actually happen? What are the rules and etiquette for this kind of situation?

My bartenders are getting paid by us, 30 dollars an hour in our contract. Our coordinator says a “portion” of service fee on our contract goes to them for gratuity. The also can set out a tip jar.
Do we tip them any additional money?

My second question is our catering.. I’ve seen multiple options for this: you tip 10-20 percent of your food bill (which is so crazy), you tip a certain amount per worker, or you tip a flat fee and let the catering company split it. Which one seems like a more appropriate option? Our dinner is plated, so there will be servers.

I'm finally getting around to leaving glowing reviews for (some of) the vendors who really impressed us on the day! Not sure it matters, but between The Knot, WeddingWire, Google reviews, and Yelp, where is a positive review most appreciated these days? For instance, I feel like WeddingWire was previously the hot place to look for wedding info but has fallen off these days, so wanted to put my review in a place where the vendor feels like more potential clients are likely to get eyeballs on it.

Separately, trying to decide whether I'd feel bad leaving a critical review for a small business who really let us down, but were very kind to us on a personal level. Nothing intentionally malicious but just kind of terrible from the perspective of the services provided. Anywho, that's a different pickle lol

I got married recently, and while the wedding itself was beautiful and we had a great day overall, I’m really struggling with our photos.
I had envisioned looking a certain way on my wedding day, with soft, beautiful hair and natural, soft glam makeup. But looking at the photos, I feel like my hair looks flat and greasy, and my makeup looks shiny and nothing like what I had hoped for. I know this probably sounds superficial, but I honestly feel so ugly in most of the photos, and it’s been really upsetting.

The morning of the wedding was also pretty stressful. One of my sisters, who was a bridesmaid, showed up an hour and a half late to get ready without apologizing. When I explained that I was upset, she ended up leaving, which made an already emotional morning even harder. Now when I look at some of the photos of us together, I feel like I can actually see how unhappy and uncomfortable I was standing next to her.

There are some photos I genuinely like, and I know the day was about so much more than how I looked. But I spent so much time planning everything, and I really wanted to feel beautiful on my wedding day. Instead, I keep picking myself apart every time I look through the gallery.

I think part of what makes it harder is knowing I can’t go back and change any of it. These are the photos I’ll have forever, and I wish I could just look at them and feel happy instead of focusing on everything I don’t like about myself.

Has anyone else felt this way after getting their wedding photos back? Did you eventually come around to loving them, or at least stop being so critical of yourself? I’m really hoping this feeling passes because I don’t want my memories of such an important day to be overshadowed by how disappointed I am in my appearance.

UPDATE : Y'all rock. I'll talk to DH in a couple of days, see what's in his head and if I can bring him around. If he digs his heels in (which would be totally out of character), I'll be gifting the kids money out of my own account to use as they wish, no strings attached.Thank you all VERY much for your insights!

29 yo son is engaged 🎉. Wedding in a year. DIL's family is huge, local to them, and inviting them all is How They Do Weddings, apparently. Since MOTB is requiring massive guest list, MOTB is giving the kids $10K towards the wedding. This makes their budget "$10,050, plus or minus $50."

Son is working his way through college, future DIL (whom we adore) doesn't have a great income -- they get by but as zoomers in this economy get by is about all they do.

I think hubby and I should match the $10K - we have it, and I have visions of the kids stressed out of their minds trying to throw a 100-guest wedding on $10K. They're frugal and creative, but can you even pull that off these days?

Hubby disagrees, says they haven't asked (true), thinks we shouldn't interfere, let them try to manage and then either give them $ if they ask or give them $$ as a wedding gift of they don't.

We make financial decisions together, we're very very solid with each other. I just think he's wrong. The kids have already asked for tips on reducing costs (we did a 100 person wedding for $7K back in the early 90s by calling in every favor we were ever owed {split 3 ways between us and each set of parents}).

Should I dig in my heels on this? Ask my son privately? Let them ask if they need the help? Opinions please, and TIA.

Hi all,

Recently engaged in June 💍 and am on the hunt for a wedding venue for 2028. What I really want is an outdoor wedding ceremony with a beautiful nature background. Whether this is forest or mountains. I’ve been looking on the west coast of the US and Canada, as well as Montana and Colorado in the US.

100-150 person wedding, ceremony spot outside with nature back drop, close (1-1.5 hrs) from an airport, and IF POSSIBLE, even has up-scale/luxury accommodations on site. I know this will be $$$$$. Open to hearing all suggestions, regardless of costs.

I’ve been all over the wedding websites, google, instagram, etc but I know I am missing some. Any recommendations would be great!!!! Thank you.

This has been so hard to figure out since between two of our venues one offers just consumption and one offers open for a certain amount per hour. How do you know what will be the cheaper option? Our families aren’t big drinkers but there are a handful that will probably have close to 8 drinks as the outliers. How do you decide which one is the most cost friendly?

Edit: we are planning on 100 people give or take. The drink package we like for open bar would be $41/pp for 3 hours or $45/pp for 4 hours. If we did consumption it looks like each drink would max be $14

Bit of a story here.

I am set to get married in a little over a year. It's going to be a very small wedding and reception (~35 guests), mostly immediate family.

A few years ago, I (28 m) had a friend (we'll call him Jack) who I hadn't know for long move in with me, and then his boyfriend (we'll call him Miles) moved in as well. The friendship with Jack turned sour, he was very narcissistic and negatively impacting my life, but Miles I consider to honestly be my best friend - it's a shame we met how we did. Now obviously I want Miles at my wedding, but know that putting a hard no on Jack will potentially cause a break in the friendship - which is sad, but I'm prepared if it comes to that. I've already urged Miles to break up with Jack in the past as I believe their relationship is very toxic and Miles is being used. It's Miles' first real relationship as well so I think he has so "fear" of leaving sadly. I do not talk to Jack at all, only Miles now, but Jack does try to contact me fairly often.

How would you best go about this? Obviously I'm going to be honest and upfront, but want to make sure it doesn't come across any worse than I'm anticipating.

Thanks in advance for any advice, I know there isn't a clear cut answer but just using this as a sounding board.

What are popular non-alcoholic choices beyond soda, water, juice? We have no plans to serve non-alcoholic "wine/beer" and have the alcoholic selection somewhat narrowed down. What has been a hit at weddings and events you have attended? Do guests enjoy milk tea, lemonade, Shirley Temples or something else entirely?

Hi, I need some help with picking bridesmaid colors! I thought I had it figured out, but I can't decide now 🤣 I was thinking about something like one of the first two photos for the vibe, but then I put some swatches together and can't decide. My fiancé hates the ecualyptus swatch and says it looks gray in some lights, so he wanted me to maybe try a dusty sage or something similar to see if it's lighter. We kind of like the lighter colors to break up the dark, but we also kind of like it without the light color. I'm just confused lol. Please help 😆

Why is it so hard to find winter wedding venues that aren't like 40k.

I’m in the home stretch. Wedding is this Saturday. I have been sick for the last month (including a hospitalization), so planning and packing has been put to the wayside. I’m still sick with bronchitis and laryngitis and hoping the antibiotics and steroids kick in before this weekend. I just feel so weak.

My fiancée is amazing and willing to do anything. We are getting married 2 hours away so there is a ton of stuff to transport and I cannot forget anything. I’m trying to make packing lists and label all of my totes to keep it organized and he will load.

I also have a wedding coordinator who will do the decorating. Plus family and friends I know that will pitch in.

It’s just hard because I have dreamed of this for so long and now I’m just too sick to enjoy it or get ready.

Hi all! My partner and I both have autism and are atheist. We both feel quite overwhelmed with planning because we do not understand what happens at a non-religious wedding. my partner has never been to one, i havent been to one since I was a small child and it was a jewish wedding. besides the big kiss and the after party.... what is the normal thing to do? i understand we can choose to do or not do basically anything with the wedding, but that is honestly making it much much harder to figure out what the process is supposed to be like when we dont have a religious background to be drawing from

edit: I wasn't expecting so many replies, but I am reading them all!! Thank you for your outlines on your own non-religious weddings especially :-) I understand much better what base we are modifying, if that makes sense

Venue A has everything that I want which is a view and allowing cold sparks inside. It offers an inside outside vibe. But the only thing is that the venue space inside like the ballroom is so narrow and I don't like the layout.

Venue B does not allow cold sparks but has a better view and is inside and outside. I also don't like the layout as much but it's way more pretty.

Venue C is a regular hotel ballroom. No view. But I love the layout. It's wide enough for more dancing and vibes. But I would need to drive somewhere else an hour away to get a view for photos and then an hour back to the venue.

What should I do? :( How did you all pick your venues? This really is so frustrating lol. I get that there is no perfect venue but omg this is hard.

Title says it all.

Wedding is December 2027.

Most of my guests are within an hour drive from the wedding venue with a few family members flying in.

Scheduled to take engagement photos mid-January, and the contract states they’ll be sending edited photos within 60 days.

I’m curious what the average turnaround time is for printing Save the dates?? I plan on asking our guests for their mailing addresses in December to hopefully have them all collected (plus the envelopes addressed) by time the photos are done.

And while I’m here asking timeline questions, when do you typically start proposing to your bridesmaids and MOH? I have a general idea of when I think I’m gonna do it, but still curious of others timeline. Thank uuu

I hope this goes here.

Yesterday I attended a family wedding. My son was a groomsman. For context: Old school, black tie, country club, the whole nine. The MOG planned everything because the wedding was in the groom's hometown. The families all get along famously. The MOG is an experienced hostess with beautiful taste and I'm sure the bride has similar societal aspirations.

The groom has three brothers. They aren't "mama's boys" - this is important context. If they were, this might be a completely different story. But under these circumstances, I thought this was lovely.

At the end of the interlude, when everyone was seated except the mothers, the groom slipped out the side door and walked around so he could be the one to walk his mother to the front row. Then he took his place back at the altar next to BM (FOG). It's one of the most beautiful things I've ever seen.

I don't know if they rehearsed it or if they surprised her, but I assure you it wasn't MOG's idea and I know the bride would have been 100% on board with the plan. It made her look good too.

I can see how this would be a huge problem with wedding planning when the MOG wants to be the center of attention and the couple doesn't want to do it this way. This is kind of like when the bride orchestrates a friend's proposal at her own wedding. It's only okay when it's okay.

A friend at work was just telling me about her Destiny wedding and the planning process that took place here in our home state. She had been shocked by the number of times she’d been asked to tip for what seemed like basic services such as trying on dress for picking up her dress. She had to make appointments to try on dresses that also required a try on fee for all of them. She said the Photographer, the venue, the videographer and such all required a tip. The wedding coordinator charged $900 and also expected a 25% tip. Is this a typical experience or just our area? It seems outrageous and I know that was not the case when I got married nearly 25 years ago.

My fiance and I have looked at every single venue in our state. She mostly hates all of them with the only ones that she likes being ones we cannot afford. There are plenty venues where we can easily afford but as she says "they dont feel like what she imagined". But she wont let us commit to a more exspensive one either because she doesnt feel spending that kind of money. So weve been going around in this circle for months and its really stressing us both out and caused mutiple breakdowns. I dont mind where we get married and iv told her my honest opinion on each place. The one I like the most she hates. And we just cannot seem to commit to any place. She truly hates any of the ones we can afford and keeps telling me she doesnt want to choose one just to choose one. I dont get it, for me im happy to marry her anywhere and she says that makes her feel worse and it ends up making it harder for us. She either needs to be okay with a place she didnt imagine or us spending a bit more money but she refuses either. Does anyone have any advice?

I am getting married next week and illness is hitting HARD at my work. With my job I am required to be in close proximity to my coworkers, and a lot of them are sick and not staying home, not wearing masks, not covering their coughs and sneezes or handwashing. If I haven’t already gotten sick by now I am hoping to avoid catching it next week. I have been washing my hands diligently, avoiding going out after work, doing my best to stay away from my sick colleagues and I am considering wearing a mask all next week.

Am I overthinking this? I feel like no matter what happens nothing could spoil my day, besides being incredibly ill haha. Any other tips for brides getting married in cold and flu season?