r/wedding • u/TrainTraditional6686 • 3d ago
Discussion Tipping? Fees?
A friend at work was just telling me about her Destiny wedding and the planning process that took place here in our home state. She had been shocked by the number of times she’d been asked to tip for what seemed like basic services such as trying on dress for picking up her dress. She had to make appointments to try on dresses that also required a try on fee for all of them. She said the Photographer, the venue, the videographer and such all required a tip. The wedding coordinator charged $900 and also expected a 25% tip. Is this a typical experience or just our area? It seems outrageous and I know that was not the case when I got married nearly 25 years ago.
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u/digital121hippie 3d ago
you can choose if and who you tip. that is how it works. they can ask and say but tips are optional unless they are in contracts. then they should be called fees. we only tip people who did not own their own business. that was the cater workers who did set up, food, bar, and tear down. everyone else did not get a tip as they ran their own business and set their own prices.
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u/voltch 2d ago edited 2d ago
DJ Here,
Tips are always appreciated, but never required for me. I won't put out a TIP jar or put out my hand at the end of the night. But if you enjoyed the service, definitely tip if you like but don't feel pressured to do so.
Also I'll tell you an ugly industry secret. When you hire a big company, the company might be taking 20-50% off the top and the person performing might only be getting 25 to 50 percent of what you actually paid. So if you think you've already overpaid, and no need to pay more, that person that is working might have been underpaid. Which is not your issue, but just want to put that into perspective.
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u/Heavy-Profit-2156 2d ago
The photographer, the videographer and the wedding coordinator are all likely setting their own prices. Not a tipping situation. The whole tipping thing will just get worse as long as people keep paying every time someone holds out their hand.
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u/palettewhore 2d ago
I know it’s considered standard to tip, but I do find it a little ridiculous that vendors who set their own prices expect a tip. Like as an example I think it’s cool to tip the bartender, but not the catering service itself if that makes sense.
Also tipping for a dress try-on seems weird, I’ve never heard of that. Tipping culture is kind of out of hand imo.
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u/there_willbesigns 2d ago
A tip was always considered ‘additional gratuity’. It was never supposed to be ‘supplemental gratuity’. Regardless of a vendor owning their own business or not you should tip if you feel the need to ‘give extra thanks’ aka additional gratitude, for a job well done. You also don’t have to tip at all! If a vendor other than your caterer is saying a ‘tip is mandatory’ it’s not a tip then it’s another service charge and I would ask them about it and look elsewhere. People keep regurgitating that only those who work under others should be tipped while owners who set their own prices should not be tipped. I tip my hair dresser every time because I’ve never not loved what she does with my hair. She owns her own salon and sets her own prices. I tipped my photographer because she literally made my day so delightful and wrangled my big ass family and I will cherish what she gave me FOREVER. I tipped my other small business vendors (florist, dj, video, hair and makeup) because they were equally amazing and I was grateful for all their hard work and wanted to show my appreciation in the form of a tip (and a great review!)
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u/AMarieevents70 2d ago
As someone in the wedding and events industry, I can tell you that tipping expectations have definitely changed over the years, but not everything you're describing is standard practice. Some bridal boutiques charge appointment or consultation fees, particularly for private or premium experiences, but tipping simply for trying on or picking up a wedding dress is not customary.
When it comes to wedding professionals, gratuities are generally appreciated but not automatically required unless they're specifically outlined in a contract. Many photographers, videographers, planners, and coordinators own their businesses and establish their own pricing accordingly. What really stands out to me is the coordinator charging $900 and expecting an additional 25% gratuity. That's an extra $225, and unless it was clearly disclosed as a contractual requirement, it should not be presented as an obligation.
I believe in transparency when it comes to wedding pricing. Couples should understand exactly what they're paying for, what's included, and whether any additional fees are required before signing a contract. Gratuity should be a gesture of appreciation for exceptional service, not something couples feel pressured into providing. Weddings are already a significant financial investment, and unexpected tipping expectations only add unnecessary stress to the planning experience.
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u/TinyLawfulness3710 3d ago edited 3d ago
No one needs to be tipped. Especially the photographer who won't have photos available for months, if at all. Never tip.anyone on the wedding day. Only after the honeymoon and only for completed services above and beyond the call of duty which 0-1 vendor at most will provide. The coordinator is hired to keep you oblivious to their performances.
Catering and bartenders have required fees they call a tip (gratuity) in the invoice and do not negotiate to remove it. But a gratuity is a tip. Otherwise any required fees are never tips.
Post this on r/endtipping
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u/TrainTraditional6686 3d ago
Destination. Not Destiny. I’m not able to edit the post for some reason.
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u/smackperfect 3d ago
I was imagining people dressed up like the characters in the game series Destiny, NGL. Gave me a chuckle!
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u/SoCalPoloGuy_40 2d ago
Can’t speak to the wedding dress stuff (seems odd to tip for that but I’m a man and have no idea), but I think tipping vendors like photographers and videographers and coordinator(s) is standard and encouraged. Though given how much these cost, the standard 20% is often excessive. So I think a $100 or $150 tip for a $1000-2000 service like a coordinator, for example, is fair. Or for the venue and caterers we figured each staff gets $X for the night rather than 20% of the cost. The coordinator can also help think through the appropriate tips for photographers, caterer, etc. but I think a dollar amount rather than % is the better way to think about it.
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u/Wild-Association1680 3d ago
paying for gown try-on appointments is new but is now normal.
social media ruined it for everyone — brides were visiting 10 stores or more making videos for "content." some weren't even getting married and just wanted to get free champagne for them and 5 friends and play dress up.
i've never heard of charging a fee for picking up your gown, but I have heard of one for having it steamed before pickup, so that's a possibility.