I can’t mention any discontent about my job because then she goes on a rant about how young people don’t know how to deal with shitty aspects in job culture.

Basically you should be grateful for a paycheck no matter how bad you are treated or if another job could be better.

It would be bad enough on its own except it’s worse because SHE HASNT HAD A CAREER IN OVER 30 YEARS.

She basically just does whatever she wants all day ever since having kids. And we have all been out of the house for over 15yrs. She just cleans imaginary messes, shops and goes to appointments maybe twice a month.

No she isn’t depressed or physically unable. She’s not retirement age. My father isn’t even rich she just said one day “no I’m not working anymore. You can divorce me or suck it up.”

So I HATE HATE HATE that she will lecture me about the job market or working at all. Epitome of the boomer stereotypes. So is my dad but he really did have to work.

In the ER this morning. I was cozy in bed and fast asleep until I felt something brush up against my bare side, and I flipped the covers back to reveal a damn bat running away. I immediately shot up and drove straight to the ER for a rabies shot, and right now, I'm just here waiting. I'm anxious as hell too, considering I overheard a nurse say something like "oof, rabies shots hurt " And to top it all off, I think it's been in my room for DAYS because all of my stuffed animals had been falling from their net mysteriously. I just chalked it up to the net failing and sagging, but nope, now I think it was my little intruder. Rabies is one of my biggest fears and I really didn't want this for my 30th birthday 🫩 I just hope my cats haven't touched it ugh

My husband has no fucking common sense. There is 0 attention to detail, 0 awareness, 0 mindfulness. We right atleast once a week because he is bot at all cognizant of his actions. I can never relax because it feels like I have to parent him all the time.

Things are always lost, broken, or ruined.

We went to a music festival this weekend. I told him 3 times not to cut off his wristband and he STILL DID IT so we had to pay to get it replaced.

I was putting mine into my shadowbox, he grabbed it out to show his cousin and FUCKING LOST IT.

Im infuriated.

I can never have anything. I can't have art on the walls because hell knock it over, I can't have nice clothes because he fucks up the laundry, I can't have bras that fit because he "accidentally" took them fron where they were hanging and ran them through the washer and dryer, I can't keep the house clean because he comes through like a tornado, I can't have my clear water bottle for work because he put it through the dish washer

First off, I apologize to all the New Mexico lovers. I also know I can move, but I'm compromising living here for a few years for my partners work. I also love my job and my home life, so it's not all misery.

I just don't understand the love for this state. It is not beautiful. There are pockets of beauty, but most of it is flat and ugly. Also a slog to drive thru.

The food is bland. When I first moved here, people were saying how the mexican food is nothing like Tex-Mex. It is exactly like Tex-Mex with green chili slapped on top of it. Nobody knows how to season their beef. I live near Old Mesilla, so I've been to all the suggestions already. The only place that stood out was Mad Jacks (bbq) but you have to wait two hours, so again not worth it.

Everything is way overpriced. Cloudcroft and Ruidoso aren't worth it. Neither is Old Mesilla or Old Town in Albaquerque. You can buy that same stuff in Mexico, where it came from, for 1/4 of the price.

Albaquerque and the hot air balloon fiesta was a let down. Don't care for the city and a light breeze canceled the take off of the hot air balloons. I'm not saying they should have taken off and risked safety, but it still doesn't make a good event.

People are nice. But everyone just moseys around. Trying to get any kind of service is like pulling teeth and then they half ass it.

I just don't vibe with this state and dread that I still have a few more years here. I loved the city I moved here from and want to go back.

My husband (26M) and I (28F) got married seven months ago. We met in the European country we both moved to, my family doesn't know him as they live far away in a different continent.

I don't really share a lot with my family because we are not that close, once a week I send them a random "I'm still alive" text in a family group chat and that's pretty much it. But the marriage thing... I really thought it was a big deal. I honestly thought they were going to worry because they would care who this person is or "why so fast" (my family tends to wait 4-5 years before getting married and its kind of a silent rule) or whatever possible/rational reason to worry about in a situation like this. So I got scared and I tried to protect them by keeping the truth only to myself (I eventually told my siblings but asked to keep the secret too).
Now I finally came to visit (not cheap nor short trip lmao) and I waited until our big family lunch to break the news in person.

I made a big deal, I tried to be tactful and careful about it. I explained everything carefully in a 10-minutes speech. My dad did care and cried a bit, but my aunt (48) laughed and said, in front of everyone, that "no one asked about this because no one cares about me", which according to her was the only reason I could keep the secret for so long, because no one asked directly about my life. Everyone laughed (2 uncles, my mom, my grandparents) except my dad and my two brothers. My big brother tried to defend me and my dad left the room to smoke but that was pretty much it. Now I feel stupid and I just want to cry. I kept this for myself for a long time feeling anxious and weird about it, I was trying to protect their feelings and considering the way it could affect them. If it was my daughter/niece/granddaughter the one getting married out of nowhere in a random country without me knowing shit about it I would care and worry at least a bit. And this is the way they react? Laughing at me and making me feel like I don't matter?

My husband is amazing and I'm very much in love, we dated for a year before getting married. But I kept a low profile about it so no one knew about the relationship. And now I'm here after only two days wanting to get on a plane back to my husband and end any kind of relationship with my family. I'm supposed to stay a whole month. Every time I see my aunt she makes another comment about the situation and it's driving me crazy. I'm going insane over thisssss.

For context:

Today I woke up at 3AM in the morning. Immediately went downstairs, opened the fridge, and saw the mango cake that we bought the day prior for my late grandfather's birthday (he passed away early this year but we still celebrate the deceased's birthdays as as a form of commemoration), and decided I wanted to eat it for breakfast.

Now growing up, in my country, cake was considered just another form of bread that even little kids could have for breakfast so I thought how bad could it be? What's the worse that could happen? I'll probably be fine.

That was the worst fucking mistake I have ever made in my life.

I have shat pure water 4x already since 5AM and have nearly shit myself 2x.

And the worst part is after the 1st shit our water had cut off (I assume for maintenance) so I was entirely relying on stored water (I don't use toilet paper, we believe in bidet supremacy).

After the 3rd shit our house had completely run out of water but I assumed I would be fine. I had my lunch, and even drank a mango shake (another horrible mistake).

2 hours ago I was playing league and had felt a rumble in my tummy (I knew it was back and wanted to play but I decided to ignore it in hopes of it being through a fart).

But as soon as the nexus fell, I felt a strong surge of wattery shit right in the exit of my ass coming out and had needed to use every muscle in my body to keep it in.

I knew I had lost.

I ran down the stairs and yelled "I CAN'T HOLD IT IN. I'M GOING TO SHIT MYSELF."

And immediately ran to the toilet.

I sat down and the flood breaks broke through and everything came out.

When I turned the tap on and no water came out I knew this was it. I'm now in it for the long ride.

I have sat here for the past hour and a half with dried shit all over my ass and a cramping asshole and balls and can do nothing about it.

The bathroom smells so bad it could suffocate a young child.

I then realized that the water most likely would come back at midnight (It's currently 7:30) since it usually does at that hour.

I've given up completely and am just sitting here regretting all the decisions I had made in life leading up to this.

If only I had reheated the chicken instead of eating that damn cake and why the fuck did I make a mango shake again? What's wrong with me.

I just hope God smiles down at me and turns the water on even for just 5 minutes.

Thank you for listening.

Goodbye.

Just wanting to vent because I’m not sure if there is anything to do besides process and move on. So here’s the story:

I (30F) recently got out of a relationship. He was great but we just weren’t aligned enough on things like family planning, sexual preferences, and differing views on mental health. We broke up with no bad blood. As I said one of the reason for the breakup was a sexual compatibility issue so when we broke up I had an itch to scratch. I texted someone (29M) that I slept with prior to my relationship. The sex was decent before, but he had a third leg that I just wanted a piece of. After some sexting and texting we make plans to meet up. We live an hour and a half from each other so my intention was to go over to his place, bone, and leave in the morning so I could go to work. Easy peasy in my head.

When I get there around 10pm we go to his room and we talk briefly and catch up while Law and Order is playing on his tv. He eventually makes his way over to me, puts my hand on his junk, and starts recalling texts I was sending about wanting to eat him up. I do just that, he comes, then he gets dressed and starts acting coy like he has something to say. After coaxing it out of him, he then tells me that this will be our last time hanging out because he just started talking to someone else and he also said I need to “heal” from my last relationship. I say okay… I thought the timing of him sharing that was weird but I’m an adult and took it for what it was. He then takes a phone call for 45ish minutes in another room.

He comes back and sits in a nearby chair while I’m lying down on his bed. He scrolls on his phone for maybe 10 minutes before I point it out to him and he says “what do you want me to do” and I said “I thought we’d at least talk a little.” We don’t lol. Eventually he comes back over to me and asks him to get him back up and I do. He tells me to get on all fours and he rubs my clit for maybe 5 seconds before ramming himself into me. As I said before he has a third leg. So I was asking him to slow down so I could adjust to him. He slowed down briefly, then kept going harder. At one point I was telling him to wait over and over again and he kept saying no. He came after maybe 5 minutes and went to clean himself up and said he was going to sleep. At this point it was maybe midnight so i had been there for 2 hours. I tell him I feel like i might just go back home and he said “it’s up to you” and so I left. He didn’t kiss me or tell me to get home safe or anything.

So I’m not going to jump to assault but I will say I did leave his house feeling gross and used. I’ve had a few casual encounters no strings attached and I have never felt like I was treated as less than human. I feel like he didn’t care about my comfort, my pleasure, and didn’t really want me there but was fine getting what he could out of me.

I did text him the next day telling him I felt like that was weird and he wasn’t really feeling it and he was like “maybe I’m just not that horny” which??? Why have me come over??? I assumed we knew what it was especially with all the buildup.

I started feeling gross like something was wrong with me. Either I wasn’t pleasing him, did I stink, did I not feel good? Something? It messed with my self esteem for a second to be honest. I think he was just an asshole. But I’m trying to reconcile it all.

Edit: a few of you all are calling out that i went to him and i called him. me driving to him was a last minute change he was supposed to drive to me. but we both have roommates and his was gone for the night… i don’t get how some of yall are assuming that i was chasing this man down for sex when all the energy before i got to his place was mutual. he was texting me and pressing me before i entertained him. when he told me he was talking to someone else he said it was a woman he met at his gym two weeks ago… judge me if you want but once he said that i thought to myself that this would clearly just be sex (which is what i wanted) and i was fine with one last hoorah.

i take accountability for having way more patience for than the situation called for but also remember i was coming from 1.5 hours away i wasn’t about to leave when he took his phone call because i had been there about than an hour at that point. he did come back and apologize for the call taking so long for whatever that’s worth.

To me the internet isn’t real life, however it can be real enough when you think you’re anonymous. I needed to vent here because I know face to face people will say “are you really breaking up with your boyfriend over a comment?”

I won’t give too much context, if any at all about the relationship before this. It’s not relevant unless I was looking for someone to change my mind.

Yesterday night I got a dm notification from this person. It didn’t say anything, just a few screenshots of a comment section and a link to it. The comment was posted under a woman’s account, who was quite pretty, and he was just being horrible about her body and then when this person confronted him he responded with “chimping out”. I didn’t know what to say to this dm so I just didn’t say anything really. But I’m going to break up.

Neither of those things are anything I stand for, and like I said even if the internet isn’t real life clearly the things he said didn’t go against his morals enough if he commented them. Even if it was “rage bait”, it’s trashy, classless and just makes me question on top of that, why he likes angering vulnerable people? Idk. Maybe I’m making it deeper than it is but I’m not interested in shallowing my morals for a man anymore. I’m not someone who believes I can “change” the damaged man. I know the people in my real life won’t agree though, I’ll probably be called dramatic.

It just feels stupid to force myself to stay with someone that I just…don’t like anymore. Love? Sure. It’s been a while. But like? Not anymore.

I honestly don't even know how to start this because if anyone had told me a year ago that this would happen, I would've laughed in their face.

For some background, my best friend, let's call him Jake (18M), and I (18F) have known each other literally our entire lives. Our moms met when they were younger and became best friends, so naturally, Jake and I grew up together. Family dinners, birthdays, holidays, sleepovers, vacations, you name it. If one family was doing something, the other family was usually invited.

Our moms joke that we're basically their kids together. They have always said that someday we'd probably end up married, and we'd both immediately gag and tell them to shut up.

Jake has always been my person. He's the first person I call when something happens, the person who knows every embarrassing thing about me, and the person I can sit in complete silence with without it being awkward.

We've always been close, but recently, something changed.

We're currently on vacation with both of our families. It's something we've done almost every October since we were little. We're both 18 now, so our parents have started giving us more freedom instead of treating us like we're still ten years old.

A few nights into the trip, Jake and I were sitting together after everyone else had gone to bed. We were talking about relationships since we both recently broke up with our exes, past crushes, and the usual random stuff we talk about at night.

Somehow, the conversation turned into whether we'd ever considered dating each other.

We laughed at first because, seriously, we've known each other since we were practically babies. But then things got quiet, and I realized neither of us was actually laughing anymore.

He admitted he'd thought about it before.

I told him I had too.

And one thing led to another, and we kissed.

I wish I could say we immediately talked about it and figured everything out, but we didn't. We ended up kissing again the next night, and now we've started secretly sleeping together while we're on vacation.

I'm not going to get into the intimate details, but the biggest thing is that this isn't just some random vacation fling with a guy I barely know. This is Jake. My BEST FRIEND. The guy who's been in practically every childhood memory I have.

And the confusing part? I don't regret it.

Being around him feels different now. Every time he looks at me across the dinner table, I have to pretend nothing is happening. When our moms start talking about how cute we were as little kids, I nearly choke on my drink because if they knew what was happening now, they'd probably lose their minds in a good way of course same with our sisters since they want to be related.

The best part is that Jake seems just as happy about this as I am. He's been more affectionate clingy and, he keeps finding excuses to be around me, and last night he told me he doesn't want this to be something that only happens on vacation and I don't want that either i want this to be an actual relationship.

Edit: Okay everyone this is a real story! But i made it way too long and I wanted it to sound more fluent! So did I use chat gpt for errors and repeats of words cause I use "like" and "because" way too much! So other than that this story is true and I did write it!

Giant corporations who are asking me to show my face or ID so I can check NSFW content ain't trying to protect the kids.

Because if they were, this shit would have happened before TikTok could have make millions of kids addicted. Or this would have happened when kids got bullied into suicide.

It's about giant corporations who are now unable to sell their advertisement spots, because everyone is afraid of bots, and they want to see if you are real. And the only way is, to get your personal data, and mishandle it.

They need your face so they know you are not a bot. So they can sell you their advertisements.

Sorry corpos, this is not your time yet to make the rules.

I try my best to not show my 5 & 4 year old that deep down, I am fighting for my life. I go to work everyday to “try” to provide for them & get us out of this mess that their father put us in. We finally should be out of this Women’s shelter tomorrow & I should be happy but the feeling of not failing them is always in the back of my head.

We have started completely over except the 4 bags we brought with us. My 5 year old has been adjusting to his new school for a couple of weeks now and everything has been going okay for the most part. One of his classmates mom gave me an invitation after school yesterday for her son’s birthday party Saturday. It’s at a trampoline park . He was so excited to tell me about it & that’s all his friends were talking about it. Leave it to me to let him know that we most likely won’t be able to go because I simply can’t afford it. I’m barely keeping my head above water. We are visiting food pantries almost daily, what little money I make has gone into this apartment, I’ve been wearing the same tennis shoes from the Goodwill for the past few weeks because I can’t purchase a decent pair. I HATE disappointing my kids. They deserve the world, especially with what they have gone through.

We have court next week & I have to see their father’s face… he filed a motion for a custody agreement but I doubt that will be granted after we show the judge the police documents & hospital bill where he broke my nose. I’m trying to survive. I want to make sure my babies know that we will be okay soon. It’s just rough right now.

I'm putting in the minimum effort and instead of realising that I'm struggling my parents are just screaming at me that I'm a waste. I know I'm a waste, I don't want to be like this but I need real mental help and I'm too scared to go alone but I also trust nobody to go with me. I'm apparently putting in the minimum effort when I'm trying so hard to just stay alive and it fucking sucks. I'm trying, I am.

My ex roommate and ex friend got rid of her cats.

I had a falling with an ex friend I used to live with, she became super arrogant and out of touch with reality so I took my distance from her, before that we used to be such close friends.

She started with two cats, then four. But it was doable, and they were her kittens, like her children. But then she kept adopting more and more cats, and more and more. Double digits more. She would brag about them, she would talk about how they were her only family, but she couldn't keep good enough care of them.

It was painful, and I knew eventually she'd get kicked out for animal hoarding and she'd have to give up some of the cats.

She gave all of them away. All of them, she had cats I was super attached to, cats I shared some good memories with. Cats I saw as my nieces. Cats I loved and adored. She gave all of them up.

She was a bad owner. Several of them were neglected, underfed, some of them had medical issues she couldn't afford to treat, the new ones were feral and would bully the old ones that eventually would stop eating, fights were frequent between them.

I always swore I'd rescue three of them I was super attached to when I lived with her.

She gave them up.

And I'm never going to see them again.

I'm never going to see them, pet them, cuddle them, sleep with them. I'm never going to kiss them, spend time with them.

I don't even have pictures of them anymore, the last thing I did before leaving the place was spending time with my favorite kitty and I took so many pictures of her, but that phone broke, I lost the pictures they weren't saved up on the cloud and I didn't have any SD.

I'm never going to see her again. The most wonderful, joyful, social and gorgeous cat I've met. I'm never going to see her again, and I don't even have pictures to remember her.

Only memories I would have adopted her, forever

And everything because of a bad owner and animal hoarder who wouldn't stop taking cats from the streets even when they were too many

12 cats btw

I'm so heartbroken, I don't know how to feel anymore, I'm devastated, I adored that kitty with my soul, now I'll never see her again, I can only remember her.

Sitting in the ER and my landlord sends me an EVICTION NOTICE through facebook. I have 30 days. Fuckkkkk my life lmao its so bad, I can only laugh at this point

On the bright side, the rabies shots didnt hurt that bad!

I think me and my wife made a mistake in each other.

I have ADHD, and got diagnosed when I was 4. She has Autism and was diagnosed when she was 20. Ive come to the realization that we are just completely incompatable in every way. The way that I get motivation to do things that need doing at totally random times, makes her panic, because she needs a very clearly laid out plan for everything she does. The way I dont remember events or dates ever, and with her needing a schedule followed to the letter. My need to talk and connect while watching a show or movie, interferes with her need to pay attention to whatever is happening. The random rants ill go on about random subjects, make her panic again, because she needs silence unless its a very directed conversation.

Honestly ive realized that I resent her because I cant be who I am around her, because it makes her panic. And I know she is severely struggling under the mental load of remembering everything ahead of time, of scheduling most things. I want to help but every time i try, i male things worse. And I know shes resenting me for it. But we now have a daughter, and neither of us are willing to leave the other, so now we're just miserable, pretending to be happy. We like our life, but dislike each other most of the time. This is very frustrating.

I’m still an alcoholic & I still don’t care.

I reached out at the end of April/beginning of may to get a blood test taken for a liver function test which came back completely healthy, but other than that I’ve not had any other help bc I haven’t had any health scares due to my drinking, so I still don’t have any urgency to seek proper help for my drinking problem. While I don’t particularly want to be an alcoholic anymore, I still [sometimes] enjoy being drunk, and for that, I don’t want to quit. I know it’s not good. I know it’s not healthy. I know it’s not sustainable or worthwhile. I know i should quit. And part of me wants to, but the other part doesn’t want to — those few days where I have a good night of being drunk, make up for the other times it makes me depressed. I know I’m an alcoholic and have a problem. But until it causes me a noticeable health issue, I don’t think I’ll stop. I know at that point it’ll probably be too far to turn back without lasting issues, but like I said, right now, I still don’t care.

It’s hard to put it all into words. I hope this suffices.

I feel like I’m losing my mind

Truly don’t know where to even start. So for some context I’m the oldest of three girls (first two same dad last one different dad) . My bio dad was locked up most my life and my mom did end up getting a husband but truly treated him horribly , like saying things like “oh this would’ve been me and Lionel’s __ anniversary “. Young me wanted a dad so I convinced her to join taekwondo which led to them meeting per my devious little plan so it worked. Me and my mom most of my life did not have a good relationship from my bio dad (just young and not understanding why mommy and daddy couldn’t be together with no explanation) as well as constantly getting weight comments and having to work out at a young age and be on detox pills. When I was young she even said I was going to end up in prison like my dad though of course she “doesn’t remember “.

Growing up after spending a summer with my dad after being in from me being 5-14 I realized I didn’t know this man the way I thought after being a daddy’s girl for years and tried to honestly repair me and my mothers relationship. I’m now 28 and I thought we came a long way and it took me getting pregnant to see it hasn’t at all. My youngest sister who is 6 years younger had her first full term pregnancy (was supposed to go into the army and terminated the first one) and gave birth in March. She had a job , she had my mom planning her baby shower, she really had support. She decided 6 weeks wasn’t enough so had been staying in my mom’s house completely rent free and still is. Now I know I’m knocking on 30 I fully get that , and no my mom isn’t struggling financially she has two paid off houses currently …but I’m not getting any support and it’s fucking weird.

When I told my mom she was “excited” but I get nothing more than an occasional call. No asking if I need any groceries or any support, I invited her to meet the fathers family 4th of July so their first meeting isn’t the baby shower (didn’t show , choose to watch her grandson) , hasn’t even winked at the registry , no offering to help even plan the baby shower (middle sister who got married this year is working with the fathers mom to plan) and at this point I’m over it

I barely talk to my grandmother and she even sent me a cake from states away just cause I mentioned it! Yet my own mother who lives so close to me hasn’t tried once to support me. For months I asked about her other property that she has for rent because where I currently live is crackhead infested and people like to shoot (they’ve literally shot guns while my mother visited me to do her hair before so she knows) and for months made it seem like I would be able to move in just to get my sister to deliver the bad news since she appointed her as the one running the property (the 22 year old). I’m disgusted that even when I wasn’t on speaking terms with the father of my child’s mother she even still sent groceries and things I would need for my baby…everyone else is being more supportive than my own mother. I don’t want to rob my son of a grandma but I can’t allow him to ever experience this kind of behavior that I became accustomed to.

I’m fucking hurt, I thought she changed a lot but ever since she got her first grandson she’s been a different person/showing her true colors. It’s so many years of hurt I don’t want to talk to her about it because everytime I try to have an adult conversation I’m “being dramatic” and “letting little things bother me”. The same person to tell me to “think positive” is the one giving me grief and I’m done. I have so much emotional trauma from this woman and honestly money can’t fix this one. I’m not asking if I’m wrong to cut her off I’m just venting because I have nowhere else to get this out….thanks for reading .

I don't know if people really realize just how dangerous cars are, especially at high speeds. Even 50km/hr is an insane rate for a human body to travel. Let alone 110km/hr. I truly don't understand why anyone thinks its okay to tailgate, cut people off or just generally be inconsiderate on the road. The other drivers could be entirely and without question in the wrong and be driving bad, camping in the left lane, accelerating slow, whatever you want to get mad about, but that still doesn't give you the right to drive in a way that could kill someone if something goes wrong? Your ego or getting somewhere on time or "teaching someone a lesson" is so so not worth the risk of driving like a dick. I don't care what the other driver is doing. Just stay safe.

Edit: Maybe I should have added that I made this post because I drive everywhere for work and I saw so much bullshit on the road. I made this post because a close friend of mine just died because another driver couldn't be fucked to pay attention and slow down for 30 seconds. I hope to god all of you taking a problem with this never learn your lesson and continue to be ignorant of how dangerous driving is. I would never wish a reality check on anyone.

I’m a 21 year old lesbian loser. My friends don’t give a fuck about me. My ex has never loved me and just kept me around for validation, until my emotional needs were too inconvenient. Of course, this didn’t stop my dumb ass from falling for her.

People say “oh you’re so young, you have all time in the world!!”, but they don’t see how people look at me all the time. I think they don’t even realize that I’m a human being, not a weird little NPC.

I’ve tried everything. I take care of my hygiene/appearance, i have hobbies (social hobbies too!), I go to uni, I try initiate, but it doesn’t matter at all.

I’m just so tired of people gaslighting me and giving me false hope. No, it sometimes doesn’t get better. Some people are just weird and ugly and then they die.

I just wish I could be happy regardless. I would geniuely give up my ability to feel love if I could at least be content. It’s not like it’s doing me any favors anyways. But my brain just won’t let me stop giving a shit, because love and friendship is all I ever wanted in life.

I didn’t ask to be born an ugly, queer, neurodivergent freak.

Things really suck right now for the most part. I'm only 32 and Im having constant health issues (GERD, SIBO, insomnia, sleep apnea, heart issues, for some reason I have a loaded deck lol), family drama, and dealing with a shitty apartment that is recovering from roaches/mice/other issues. Quite a bit of this is probably tied to stress so I'm really trying to work on that.

However, things are finally starting to at least KIND of look a little less bleak. Or maybe I'm just more thankful for the things that I do have, who knows. A few things I'm extremely thankful for:

• This year, I started my first ever HYS account and now have $1.3k in it. I just bumped up my monthly contribution to $300 a month which I'm v proud of
• I have a WFH job that's relaxed and pays well, and I just got my first raise.
• After getting paid this month, I have enough in my checking (and savings if I need to dip into it) to move out of this shithole.
• My cat's health seems to be improving a bit.

I am unfortunately in CC debt due to an emergency room trip and testing for my cat earlier this year. However, I have a plan to balance transfer to another 0% APR card because my credit is solid and just pay it off over next year. It shouldn't be too tough, thankfully. Then I just have to worry about school loans and will be upping the payment on that.

This is the 2nd apartment I've had in the last 3 years that has had roaches and I just don't think my body can handle that stress again. Really crossing my fingers that I pick well because it's just so hard to tell how shitty a place is going to be right out of the gate these days....

But. Things are looking up and I just want to put that energy out there for other folks too. Things will get better, it just takes time <3

Im tired of screaming alone in my head. Alone in my car. Alone in my home but actually can't fully scream because neighbors so I have to suppress it by using a pillow or my arm.

I need to scream where people hear. Not because I'm depressed or mentally ill, thats kinda a given, but because im so ****ing angry.

The type of angry that makes me depressed. That makes me mentally ill.

I need to scream in a way that its sounds like fear. Like im being murdered. Guttural. Like my life and soul has been tortured for decades and no one has ever listened to a damn thing I have said about anything. Like grief. Raw grief that just continues to just keep coming and coming because the world never stops. Never stops to allow grief to happen cause it keeps. Just keeps.

I need to cry. In all the ways I just mentioned. The gross kind where no tissues are around to save you from the snot and tears that just drench you.

I need people to hear. How can they not hear what is so loud in my head. Whats so loud in my car.

I'm tired.

And yet ... I'm not mentally defeated. I'm just tired.

My dad died yesterday. We had a very complicated relationship. My feelings are very complicated and it's been eating away at me since I found out last night.

I have to pay or leave in less than 30 days because I've fallen so behind on rent. I owe about $3k. I have a place to go but I can't bring my cats. I'm worried about them the most out of everything else that I'm writing about.

My car needs a new tire soon. I have to fill it up every morning. There's only so long that can last. I also need a new headlight. And a new battery.

My credit cards are maxed out. I'm two months behind on my car payment. Luckily, the car I mentioned above was a gift from my aunt and uncle. An SUV with 260k mileage and she's a beast.

The car I have payments on is from a life I used to live. I had a nice job at [major company that is also a search engine] but they fired me and my entire team. Outsourced us to India, then outsourced them to AI. After I was fired, I couldn't find any work in my field.

So I went back to service. And my god ... I've been spiraling since. I've cut back on so much but dude. I was doing everything right. Paying off my student loans. Building credit. Saving money.

I grew up dirt poor and I did everything I could to escape. Got the degree. Got the job.

And yet ... my actions have led me here. I can't do shit about my dad dying but everything else I probably could have been smarter about. Probably shouldn't have bought the BMW. Probably shouldn't have spiraled so hard after getting my heart broken again. I'm such an idiot.

Anyway. Despite both myself and the universe trying our best to destroy me, I still sit here. Exhausted, but indomitable.

I don't know what I'm going to do tomorrow. It's a day off of work so that's when I'll do my stressing. Right now I'm going to drink this margarita I brought home from work, I'm going to smoke this weed my sisters boyfriend gave me, and I'm going to play video games while I neglect any and all responsibilities. Just like I did when I lived with my dad (minus the margarita).

Computa, play I Will Survive by Cake

i feel lonely and alone

no one seems to understand how i think and its driving me insane. its probably my fault because the moment i try to explain myself they start yelling at me then pointing out all the other ways in which im wrong

i hate it i wish i could find someone who understands how i feel. its like im trying to talk to some cute bunnies but im an idiot holding a knife and no matter what i do they scream and run away because they dont understand

i put so much effort into making my explanations clear, to not get heated up, to not put any blame on my interlocutor, to try to be nice, but it doesnt work. i swear i want to be normal but i dont know how and nothing i try works. i'm torn between saying what i think and what others want to hear. most of the time it seems its best to just say whatever they wanna hear and to call it a day.

eventually its clear that everything i say is pointless and that itll get me nowhere

i should just agree with them

theres no point in expressing what i think

whether its because im expressing them wrongly or because my thoughts are wrong, i dont know, but obviously somethings wrong with me so i should just shut up. what i feel and think serve no purpose if no one gets them aahhhhh, the loneliness it hurts

im so tired of it

why bother try

i hate this

think I’ve officially reached that age where technology is starting to piss me off.

When I moved into my apartment two years ago, I discovered there were no traditional keys. Instead, we were given these little blue electronic key fobs. You held one against your door, it unlocked, and you went about your day.

Cool. Fancy. Welcome to the future. I can get behind that.

You could even pay an extra $60–$75 or so for a spare fob, just in case. There was also an emergency number to call if you got locked out.

A perfectly functional system, right?

WELL, APPARENTLY THAT WAS TOO MUCH SIMPLICITY.

Management recently decided to replace everything with a new system that requires your smartphone and an app.

So those extra fobs people paid for? Congratulations! You now own an overpriced little blue piece of plastic.

We were given notices about when the transition would happen. That date came and went. Nothing.
Then one random day, my family and I come home to find residents huddled in the hallways, confused as hell, while some poor guy in a company shirt is running around trying to help everybody.

Lo and behold, they’ve replaced our locks without any updated warning.

I had already downloaded the app and followed the instructions, like a responsible little citizen of the digital age.

Did my door open?

Of course the fuck not.

I had to find the technician to LET ME INTO MY OWN HOME.

To make matters even better, my app says I have no digital keys. The technician tells me I don’t need them and should just hold my phone against the lock.

Sir. My brother in Christ. The app says I have NO KEYS. Can we perhaps establish that this thing actually works before everybody goes home?

I’ve been so nervous about getting locked out that I don’t even trust the new system enough to use it.

Which is ridiculous. I should not have to choose between securing my apartment and being reasonably confident I can get back inside it.

But wait! There’s more!

They also installed the new system on the main entrance to the apartment building. Initially, those doors remained unlocked, presumably while they finished setting everything up.

Yesterday, my fiancé went out to pick up pizza.
He came back to discover that management had apparently decided it was time to lock the main entrance.

Without telling anybody.

So now this man is standing outside the building, unable to get in, because the magical phone-key situation isn’t working properly.

And when did management notify us that the building doors were officially locked?

THIS FUCKING MORNING.

An email and text telling us the doors had been locked and to stop by the office if we needed assistance.

HOW ABOUT SENDING THAT EMAIL BEFORE LOCKING PEOPLE OUT OF THE BUILDING THEY PAY TO LIVE IN?!

Just a thought. A little administrative razzle-dazzle.
And here’s my biggest issue.

WHAT IS THE BACKUP PLAN?!

What if my phone dies? What if I forget it at home? What if the app malfunctions? What if somebody doesn’t own a smartphone?

Yes, believe it or not, there are still people walking this Earth in 2026 without a smartphone. My mother is one of them.

As far as management has communicated, there’s no physical backup key, no replacement fob, and no clearly explained emergency lockout procedure.

Apparently, gaining entry to the home you pay thousands of dollars a year to live in is now contingent upon your phone cooperating.

Had I gone out for pizza with my fiancé last night, we both could’ve ended up standing outside, contemplating our life choices over a rapidly cooling pepperoni pizza.

And THAT is what irritates me.

I am not anti-technology. I love technology. I literally use ChatGPT to help me decide whether my shoes match my dress.

But I should not need a functioning app, a charged phone, and the technological equivalent of divine intervention to ENTER MY FUCKING HOME.

And you know what makes this whole thing worse?

I finally understand my mother.

Growing up, I’d watch her get frustrated trying to use computers, check her email, or figure out some new technological nonsense. I’d be sitting there wondering why she was making such a big deal out of something so simple.

Well, LOOK AT ME NOW.

I’m officially becoming the woman who misses the good old days when you could just stick a fucking key into a door and turn it.

And honestly, I miss when technology had SIMPLE problems with SIMPLE solutions.

Remember when your Nintendo wasn’t working, so you just pulled out the cartridge, blew into it like you were performing CPR, shoved it back in, and tried again?

YES, I KNOW WE WEREN’T SUPPOSED TO BLOW INTO THE CARTRIDGES.

I did it anyway. We ALL did it. And you couldn’t tell eight-year-old me a damn thing when that game started working again.

Remember when troubleshooting consisted of:

“Have you tried unplugging it and plugging it back in?”

“Is the red plug in the red hole? The white in the white? The yellow in the yellow?”

THAT WAS IT. THAT WAS THE WHOLE DAMN TECH SUPPORT DEPARTMENT.

Now apparently my FRONT DOOR needs software support.

We’ve gone from blowing into Nintendo cartridges to potentially getting locked out of our homes because our phones aren’t communicating with our DOORKNOBS.

What a time to be alive.

I used to think the future would have flying cars. Instead, I’m standing here nostalgic for a piece of metal with teeth on it.

A KEY.🔑

A beautiful, uncomplicated, battery-free piece of metal.

No downloading. No updating. No Bluetooth. No troubleshooting. No standing outside your apartment wondering whether your front door needs to be restarted.

Just click.

HOME.

I DON’T NEED MY DOOR TO BE SMART. I NEED IT TO OPEN.

Anyway, I’m going to make myself some coffee and reflect on the fact that I’ve apparently reached the “back in my day” stage of adulthood much sooner than anticipated.

If you’ve made it this far, thank you for attending my completely unsolicited TED Talk.

Sorry, but not sorry. I’m irritated, my coffee hasn’t kicked in, and I WANT MY FUCKING KEY BACK.

UPDATE(OCTOBER 15)…….

Well, ladies and gentlemen, apparently I am FAR from the only person having issues with this wonderful new keyless technology.

The situation has gotten so ridiculous that management sent out an email this morning announcing that they had set aside time between 3 and 5 PM for residents to come into the leasing office, ask questions, and get help fixing this godforsaken Mosino app.

So naturally, I went.

Y’ALL.

Everybody and their mama was in that office. EVERYBODY.

And everybody had a different problem!
“My app says I have no keys.”
“My app says the door unlocked, but the damn door is still locked.”
“I’m not receiving the verification code in my email.”

Just a whole room full of people who apparently can’t reliably get into the apartments THEY PAY TO LIVE IN.
And what was the proposed solution?

DELETE THE APP AND REINSTALL IT.
😭😭😭
LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, WE HAVE COME FULL CIRCLE.
The modern-day equivalent of “Have you tried unplugging it and plugging it back in?”

All this technological advancement, and here we are.
So I deleted the app. Reinstalled it. Got a brand-new activation code.

And guess what?

STILL. NO. FUCKING. KEYS.

At this point, I don’t know whether to laugh, cry, or start looking for a medieval locksmith.

Now, I do want to say that the lady working in the leasing office was incredibly sweet. She was doing her best, and none of this mess is her fault.
She ended up taking down our names so somebody from the actual company could contact us and arrange to get our apps fixed.

Oh! And I almost forgot the best part.
While I was standing there, I overheard her telling another resident that they might have to TAKE THEIR PHONE CASE OFF FOR THE APP TO WORK.

I’m sorry.
WHAT?!

We have reached a point in human civilization where the protective case on your phone might prevent you from entering your own home.

LAWD JESUS.

Anyway, since so many of us are apparently locked out of the future, management handed out these little temporary key fobs.

You know. Those simple little devices that ACTUALLY WORK.

Except there’s a catch.

They’re only good for TWO WEEKS while we wait for the company to come sort this mess out.
And if we decide we want to KEEP the key fob after those two weeks?

ONE. HUNDRED. FUCKING. DOLLARS.

$100.

For a key fob.

To enter the apartment I already pay rent for.
Because the fancy new technology that was supposed to replace the key fob DOESN’T FUCKING WORK.

AND DID I MENTION THAT ALL THEIR SISTER APARTMENT PROPERTIES ARE SWITCHING TO THIS SAME SYSTEM?!

So apparently this technological nightmare is being rolled out to even MORE unsuspecting residents.
Wonderful. Absolutely wonderful.

I swear, this has officially turned into a Four Loko kind of day.
I want a menthol cigarette, and I DON’T EVEN SMOKE.

I hate it here.

End of updated rant.

UPDATE TO THE UPDATE. BECAUSE APPARENTLY WE’RE NOT DONE YET.

Y’ALL.

I AM CURRENTLY STANDING OUTSIDE MY OWN APARTMENT BUILDING.

WITH GROCERIES.

Remember those wonderful little temporary key fobs they JUST handed us? The ones that are supposed to work for two weeks while they sort out this entire technological disaster?

WELL, GUESS WHAT THE FUCK DOESN’T WORK?!

THE FOB.

THE FUCKING FOB DOESN’T WORK EITHER.

My fiancé had to go back to the leasing office to try to get us some help because WE CANNOT GET INTO OUR OWN BUILDING.

And here’s the part that really takes the cake.
A man from the leasing office actually came out to help us.

HE COULDN’T GET US INTO THE BUILDING EITHER.
AND THEN HE LEFT.

HE. LEFT.

So now here we are. Standing outside. With groceries. Waiting. With absolutely no way to get into the building we PAY TO LIVE IN.

The app doesn’t work.

The temporary replacement doesn’t work.

AND APPARENTLY THE PEOPLE WHO WORK HERE CAN’T GET THE DAMN DOOR OPEN EITHER.

At what point does this stop being a minor inconvenience and become a serious fucking problem?!

I DON’T NEED MY APARTMENT BUILDING TO BE SMART.
I NEED IT TO LET ME THE FUCK INSIDE.

I JUST WANT TO PUT MY DAMN GROCERIES AWAY AND GO HOME.

Except apparently HOME is currently inaccessible.
I swear to God, you cannot make this shit up.

END OF UPDATE TO THE UPDATE. HOPEFULLY.