Look im not here to criticize im just saying I constantly hear the accusation thrown at men and while its 100% true so have women. The sheer amount of women constantly throwing around "blowing my back out" and calling their partners "daddy" again not trying to harsh on anyone's yums but like thats a learned behavior not an innate one. And look I'm not super dominant in bed as a man, but im effective at pleasing my partner. So if I have to deal with one more just gross hookup; im quitting. Im at the point now where im just like yeah we can do it in the most unenjoyable way possible if I get little spoon after. A while many block me it weeds out what I dont want :p

I just need to vent this into the void because I don’t want to gross my partner out. Don’t read if you also don’t want to see a gross confession

I don’t think my diet has been different enough to warrant the stool that just ripped me open. I have a decent amount of protein every day, but I suppose my fiber has been a little low. But nothing beyond the normal?

Last night, I felt a bowel movement coming down so I jumped from bed to scurry to the toilet. It didn’t feel like past times when I knew I was dealing with constipation. It felt more like I was suddenly trying to pass a baseball of a shit.

When I tell you I was stuck there for what felt like half an hour. This baseball sized stool could not vacate the premises. There was nothing in queue that could push it out, it was just stuck there halfway out the door. I didn’t want to strain too hard, so I patiently waited with moderate efforts every couple minutes.

Goddamn did this hurt like a motherfucker. Every minute felt like the ring of sauron was burning my ass. I questioned if this was actually a butt baby for a moment. It certainly felt like it.

Eventually by some miracle, my inner muscles found the strength to kick the baseball sized butt baby into the basin below. I’m amazed it even managed to flush. It’s been 24 hours since then and I’m still in pain. I’ve had another bowel movement since then, and even though that went smoothly down, I could tell the exit has been left with serious fissures. I need some vasaline.

Why the fuck did this happen ugh

edit - I appreciated the kind words on the first thread before it was locked. I might see a doctor if this happens again

hes been having psychosis for the past 3-4 weeks now that has been so difficult. then i managed to call and get him sent to a psych ward last week. he then got punched and he lost his two front teeth. which i feel so bad about. like imagining losing your two front teeth. theyre so important to so many aspects of your life. and his smile is changed now. and because the psych ward didnt want him to stay in the same facility as the assaulter guy, they just discharged him. and now my bf is at home, still psychotic. he posts when he is not well. and he posted pics of himself on social media with the no teeth and im crushed. i feel so bad. i am sobbing to myself. i have no one to talk to. my family is an hour away and it’s 11pm and im tired and i just need a hug but i have nobody. i feel so shitty. i feel so bad for him. i just wish he could be okay. i wish he could be better. but psychosis does not heal that fast. and his teeth will not be fixed instantly either. this shit sucks. and he won’t message me back. i miss him so much. so fucking much

Everything about my existence is about my freaking height. For context. I am a 6' tall woman. I would generally say that being tall is fine. Sure I get annoyed at the "do you play basketball" and "how is the weather up there?" But being well past my teens people don't bully me for it anymore. I will save the social complaints because they are the same as every other tall woman on the face of the earth. It is what it is, everyone gets picked on for something right?

It matters everywhere else though. Sitting in airline seats, going to the movies, buying a car, looking for a dress that hits an appropriate length. Buying work pants, long sleeve shirts. And even down to my breaking point today; compression socks. Everything costs more money. If I dont want a hunchback I need custom countertops in my home, an extra tall or sit stand desk for work, the list keeps goin. It always costs more money by a LOT.

I have a vericose vein that is giving me trouble on my leg after losing 120lbs. I hunted and found "tall friendly" compression socks, which is required by my insurance for a certain amount of time before I am allowed to get it fixed. Mind you, this is yet another financial punishment of an extra $60 on top of the normal cost. I measured my measurements. I did everything like I am supposed to. I get them delivered after waiting eternity (because nothing tall is ever on amazon) and they dont even go mid thigh and immediately roll down.

I hate this so much. I just want to be fucking normal. I searched and this was the only place I could find under $120, and they are non refundable.

No offense, but I do not want to hear the opinions and feedback of short or average sized people. You don't get it. Do not tell me how you always wished you were taller (but not THAT tall because you wouldn't want to be a freak, right?).

Im a stay at home mom. I have handled everything myself financially up until i had my daughter. My boyfriend is now the main breadwinner and i just clean houses on the side. My bank account is in the negative 600 dollars right now because we were short on rent and i asked my bank if theyd allow the payment to go through, to which they did. But ive been stressed because now our car payment is coming up and we are going to need to get my bank account into a good spot before we make the car payment.

Well my boyfriend says my stress is getting in the way of him making money. He needs time alone to work from home and im a distraction. I didnt like what he said, almost insinuating that its my fault because he works downstairs where the living room, playroom, bathroom, etc all are and my existence is distracting. But i understood and said that maybe since i dont make the money anymore the bills would be better coming out of his account, especially if we are short because it upsets me to the point of me causing him issues in making money. He started yelling at me and said that i was saying he isnt upset about it or stressed. That im accusing him of not caring as much as me. Which i wasnt, i was only saying that if im the reason this is all so difficult maybe i need to step away from the bill paying.

This escalated to him saying i offer nothing and i do nothing, which really struck a nerve because i was working and contributing until he said he couldnt wfh and watch our baby. He is a video editor. I told him once i stop working fulltime this will all be on him and he was ready. I knew then that he was going to use my "uselessness" against me. And this is why women work and arent "traditional" anymore. Because i wash this mans fucking underwear every day, cook every meal, work partime to pay for groceries, utilities, and credit cards and just ONE SUGGESTION gets me called "fucking useless noncontributer" Awesome LOL

TW: Disability, chronic illness, chronic pain, medical trauma, grief

I’m 30 years old, a disabled woman, and married to an absolutely amazing man. I think I just need somewhere to vent because lately I’ve been feeling so alone in all of this.

When I met my husband, I was healthy, active, and happy. I had a life I enjoyed, things I wanted to do, and a future I could look forward to. Then COVID happened, and everything changed.

I was a first responder during the pandemic, and I got COVID seven times. Symptomatic every time..low oxygen, high temp, delirious, the whole works. Looking back, I regret not quitting my job every single day. I gave so much of myself during that time, and I never imagined that I would be the one left trying to put my own health and life back together afterward.

Since getting COVID, it feels like one thing after another has unfolded. I was diagnosed with a connective tissue disorder (yes, born with this obv but symptoms weren't as bad til post COVID) and POTS (yes, POTS is a real medical condition, and I have been clinically diagnosed). I've needed multiple neurosurgeries within just a few months of each other. I ended up having other rare conditions, too, and I live with severe chronic pain and debilitating brain fog. I haven't been able to drive for almost two years now.I suspect the high dose of gabapentin I was taking contributed to the worsening of my brain fog, and I'm currently trying to wean off it with doctor supervision.

I also developed a CSF leak that required a blood patch. A year later, I'm still dealing with significant intracranial pressure symptoms and can't tolerate lying flat. I'm taking a diuretic three times a day just to manage things. This was caused by the blood patch my doctors think.

My skull is now fused down through multiple levels of my cervical spine, and I also have a lumbar fusion. I'm only 30. Sometimes I struggle to comprehend how much my body has been through in such a short amount of time.

And honestly? I'm angry. I'm exhausted. I'm grieving.

I'm grieving the healthy version of myself. I'm grieving the independence I used to have. I'm grieving the things I used to do without thinking twice. I'm scared that this is my life now, that I'll never get better, and that I'm somehow stuck in a body that constantly hurts and a mind that forgets.

One of the hardest things is that my husband is genuinely wonderful. He takes care of me, never complains about my conditions, and understands how upset I am about everything that's happened. I know how lucky I am to have someone who loves me through all of this.

On my good days, even while I'm still recovering from neurosurgery, I try to put him first in the little ways that mean something to me. I cook his meals for work, pack his lunches, and do the things I love doing for him. Those things might seem small, but they make me feel like I'm still able to contribute something and be the wife I want to be, even when my body limits so much else.

But having a supportive husband doesn't make the grief disappear. I can be grateful for him and still be devastated about what has happened to me. Both things can be true.

I'm also heartbroken about the possibility that I'll never be a mom. That's something I've struggled with deeply, and it's difficult to explain what it feels like to grieve a future you always imagined might be yours.

I look at my life sometimes and wonder how I got here. I went from being healthy, active, and working as a first responder to becoming unemployed, navigating multiple serious medical conditions, recovering from major surgeries, managing chronic pain, and wondering what my future will look like.

I'm scared I'll never get my old life back. I'm scared I'll always be in pain. I'm scared of what else might happen. And I'm tired of having to be strong through every new diagnosis, every surgery, every setback, and every day that my body doesn't cooperate...

I also don't want to be inspirational. I don't want to be told how strong I am. Sometimes I just want to be 30 and not have to think about surgeries, medications, spinal fusions, intracranial pressure, or whether I'll be able to get through a normal day. I'm "strong" because I have no choice. It's either deal with it or give up.

I miss who I was before all of this. I miss feeling safe in my own body. I miss being able to make plans without wondering how sick I'll be or whether I'll have the energy to follow through.

I'm not really sure what I'm looking for by posting this. Maybe reassurance from people who understand. Maybe just a place where I can admit that I'm struggling without feeling guilty about it.

I feel so alone sometimes, and I just needed to get this off my chest.

My life is misery. Every moment, every second. My family says they love me but would disown me in a second if they found out. Everyone says they understand me, but they don't know me. Life is pain. Why do i have to have these fucked up problems? I wish I was into women.

I have a close friend whos a fundmentalist christian from Idaho, and he talks non-stop about all the gay people he sees on campus. There is no peace. I am incompatible with society, most societies even. Why does anything matter?

How do you cure mental illness?

I can’t mention any discontent about my job because then she goes on a rant about how young people don’t know how to deal with shitty aspects in job culture.

Basically you should be grateful for a paycheck no matter how bad you are treated or if another job could be better.

It would be bad enough on its own except it’s worse because SHE HASNT HAD A CAREER IN OVER 30 YEARS.

She basically just does whatever she wants all day ever since having kids. And we have all been out of the house for over 15yrs. She just cleans imaginary messes, shops and goes to appointments maybe twice a month.

No she isn’t depressed or physically unable. She’s not retirement age. My father isn’t even rich she just said one day “no I’m not working anymore. You can divorce me or suck it up.”

So I HATE HATE HATE that she will lecture me about the job market or working at all. Epitome of the boomer stereotypes. So is my dad but he really did have to work.

Apparently life decided to cram about six months of emotional drama into a single week.

I finally landed a better job with decent pay, benefits, and actual opportunities. Fantastic, right? Except my current workplace is barely surviving, and me leaving might genuinely be the final nail in its coffin. So naturally, I feel guilty about trying to better my own life. Because apparently being a full time, on call employee, while getting part time hours, is part of my job description.

And then, because that wasn't enough, I lost my beloved cat.

He suddenly developed paralysis in his back leg, which turned out to more than likely be a blood clot caused by an underlying heart condition. After a day and some of desperately trying to get him help, I ultimately had to make the decision to let him go.

I held him, told him how much I loved him, and thanked him for being part of my life.

The part that is really messing with me? I don't regret my decision. I know I spared him from suffering. But now I somehow feel guilty about not feeling guilty.

Meanwhile, I'm randomly breaking down over things as stupid as finding one of his old hairballs. Something that used to annoy the absolute crap out of me is now something I'd give anything to experience again.

So here I am. Finally moving forward in life a bit, potentially watching my old workplace implode, and grieving a fluffy little creature who meant the world to me.

I'm excited, devastated, relieved, and completely numb.

My brain is burnt out.

My husband has no fucking common sense. There is 0 attention to detail, 0 awareness, 0 mindfulness. We right atleast once a week because he is bot at all cognizant of his actions. I can never relax because it feels like I have to parent him all the time.

Things are always lost, broken, or ruined.

We went to a music festival this weekend. I told him 3 times not to cut off his wristband and he STILL DID IT so we had to pay to get it replaced.

I was putting mine into my shadowbox, he grabbed it out to show his cousin and FUCKING LOST IT.

Im infuriated.

I can never have anything. I can't have art on the walls because hell knock it over, I can't have nice clothes because he fucks up the laundry, I can't have bras that fit because he "accidentally" took them fron where they were hanging and ran them through the washer and dryer, I can't keep the house clean because he comes through like a tornado, I can't have my clear water bottle for work because he put it through the dish washer

In the ER this morning. I was cozy in bed and fast asleep until I felt something brush up against my bare side, and I flipped the covers back to reveal a damn bat running away. I immediately shot up and drove straight to the ER for a rabies shot, and right now, I'm just here waiting. I'm anxious as hell too, considering I overheard a nurse say something like "oof, rabies shots hurt " And to top it all off, I think it's been in my room for DAYS because all of my stuffed animals had been falling from their net mysteriously. I just chalked it up to the net failing and sagging, but nope, now I think it was my little intruder. Rabies is one of my biggest fears and I really didn't want this for my 30th birthday 🫩 I just hope my cats haven't touched it ugh

Just wanting to vent because I’m not sure if there is anything to do besides process and move on. So here’s the story:

I (30F) recently got out of a relationship. He was great but we just weren’t aligned enough on things like family planning, sexual preferences, and differing views on mental health. We broke up with no bad blood. As I said one of the reason for the breakup was a sexual compatibility issue so when we broke up I had an itch to scratch. I texted someone (29M) that I slept with prior to my relationship. The sex was decent before, but he had a third leg that I just wanted a piece of. After some sexting and texting we make plans to meet up. We live an hour and a half from each other so my intention was to go over to his place, bone, and leave in the morning so I could go to work. Easy peasy in my head.

When I get there around 10pm we go to his room and we talk briefly and catch up while Law and Order is playing on his tv. He eventually makes his way over to me, puts my hand on his junk, and starts recalling texts I was sending about wanting to eat him up. I do just that, he comes, then he gets dressed and starts acting coy like he has something to say. After coaxing it out of him, he then tells me that this will be our last time hanging out because he just started talking to someone else and he also said I need to “heal” from my last relationship. I say okay… I thought the timing of him sharing that was weird but I’m an adult and took it for what it was. He then takes a phone call for 45ish minutes in another room.

He comes back and sits in a nearby chair while I’m lying down on his bed. He scrolls on his phone for maybe 10 minutes before I point it out to him and he says “what do you want me to do” and I said “I thought we’d at least talk a little.” We don’t lol. Eventually he comes back over to me and asks him to get him back up and I do. He tells me to get on all fours and he rubs my clit for maybe 5 seconds before ramming himself into me. As I said before he has a third leg. So I was asking him to slow down so I could adjust to him. He slowed down briefly, then kept going harder. At one point I was telling him to wait over and over again and he kept saying no. He came after maybe 5 minutes and went to clean himself up and said he was going to sleep. At this point it was maybe midnight so i had been there for 2 hours. I tell him I feel like i might just go back home and he said “it’s up to you” and so I left. He didn’t kiss me or tell me to get home safe or anything.

So I’m not going to jump to assault but I will say I did leave his house feeling gross and used. I’ve had a few casual encounters no strings attached and I have never felt like I was treated as less than human. I feel like he didn’t care about my comfort, my pleasure, and didn’t really want me there but was fine getting what he could out of me.

I did text him the next day telling him I felt like that was weird and he wasn’t really feeling it and he was like “maybe I’m just not that horny” which??? Why have me come over??? I assumed we knew what it was especially with all the buildup.

I started feeling gross like something was wrong with me. Either I wasn’t pleasing him, did I stink, did I not feel good? Something? It messed with my self esteem for a second to be honest. I think he was just an asshole. But I’m trying to reconcile it all.

Edit: a few of you all are calling out that i went to him and i called him. me driving to him was a last minute change he was supposed to drive to me. but we both have roommates and his was gone for the night… i don’t get how some of yall are assuming that i was chasing this man down for sex when all the energy before i got to his place was mutual. he was texting me and pressing me before i entertained him. when he told me he was talking to someone else he said it was a woman he met at his gym two weeks ago… judge me if you want but once he said that i thought to myself that this would clearly just be sex (which is what i wanted) and i was fine with one last hoorah.

i take accountability for having way more patience for than the situation called for but also remember i was coming from 1.5 hours away i wasn’t about to leave when he took his phone call because i had been there about than an hour at that point. he did come back and apologize for the call taking so long for whatever that’s worth.

I'm a homemaker and a military spouse. Tonight they needed volunteers to watch the children of the parents attending a particular military event. There were 9 kids total and 5 of us caregivers. Not only did we get free pizza while we were there plus leftover of the catered food from the event, but whole pizza pies to take home. We were supposed to work 5pm-9pm, but really parents didn't drop their kids off till 6pm and picked them up at 8:30pm. It felt good to be productive, earn my own money, and score extra in profits. Easy day.

**edit to add: I realize I made $125. I thought the $5 bill was another $50. Oh well, still EASY money.

Like none of it; prim and proper, ditzy, rail thin, docile, etc. Ive also never understood the younger thing. In general ive heard people say I look for odd things. Especially these two; smell and voice. The natural smell of a woman is one of the single greatest intoxicants known to human kind. I know this is a cliche but the only people ive heard agree with me are other women. My guess is people not buying into this bs propaganda of what an attractive woman is. Instead of the right answer of almost all women are attractive and if you think you arent a attractive- you are.

Everyone was panicking around me because my body wouldn't hold up and I kept falling. Good thing that my friends were around me and so was my teacher. At that point, I felt loved and cared for even though I could barely breathe that time. I was in a chair, my teacher kept being worried, my friends were supporting my head, giving me air with a mini-fan, yk the usual stuff. Anyway, atp I started to realize.. if I went home right now, I would be fucked. I tried my best to keep it positive and when my auntie came to get me from school, all she did was nag to me the whole way home. And when I got home, it got even worse. My mom started to scold me and yell at me for embarrassing her in school. Everyone thought I was hungry because I lied and said I was just hungry. I'm feeling pretty fine now though. Anyway, my mom kept going off the track saying that I should just curse her for being such a bad mom. She even threatened to beat me up. She was so humiliated. Like.. dude.. your son almost fainted in school. I genuinely had 2 guys just tryna pull me up from the 3rd floor to 1st floor without me getting horribly injured. I felt so high lol. Anyway, it made me realize that I get more loved in school than at home. I was beaten up once by my mom not long ago so I'm still pretty shooked (I tried to escape by the window that night but my auntie pulled me back). She beat me up because I had no clothes on when I was tryna sleep. It ain't that big a deal. My dad, mom, and auntie that day kept telling me it was my fault for provoking her to beat me. They did that while I was unresponsive for 4 hours and I had numb tears. It all left kind of a big scar mentally on me and so I, yeah. I get really frightened just being near my mom. I didn't wanna explain nothin, I know she'll keep blaming me and might've just beat me up if I told her my head unexplainably got a really really bad headache out of nowhere and caused me to lose oxygen. I see my class as my family now, no one else. I hate anything else outside that. I love my teacher, and my friends and classmates who were so worried for me. I slept really early that night so it can't be loss of sleep lol. I also ate plenty of food. I just lied about it being hunger. I was begging my friends not to tell my teacher at first then when I fell on my own bc of my body, it just got even harder to hide it from teach.

I wish I had a loving mom but then again, I couldn't trade away my teacher, friends, and classmates just to have a loving mom. They're enough. I don't need a mom.

I know it's not my fault. But I genuinely need someone to tell me in detail why this all wasn't my fault. :(

i'm 26, female, and i ended my first long-term relationship earlier this year. i am doing okay; i've moved on and don't have any regrets about ending things with my ex. i don't miss him. we weren't compatible and it was for the best. after a few months i felt like i should try meeting people, but it's been incredibly difficult.

i tried a few online dating apps for a while, matched with plenty of people, but nothing came of it and i never even went on any dates before i stopped using the apps since i felt like it wasn't good for my mental health. the problem is, i'm not sure how else to go about dating. i have friends, a job, and go to the gym, but waiting to meet someone in daily life by chance seems pretty far-fetched, and i live in a rural area so that doesn't help either.

i was single all my life until this most recent relationship, and had been accustomed to being alone and making myself happy. i have a fulfilling career, hobbies, and pets that i love dearly. i have everything i could need really. i am financially stable and have my life together. it just SUCKS that i don't have someone to love. i don't need it, and i'll be okay without it, but sometimes i get so sad thinking about the little things like watching tv cuddled up with your person or laughing in the shower together. i miss that.

i was watching a tv show the other day and there were two people in a relationship laying next to each other in bed talking and i had to turn the show off because it made me so upset. i am just so lonely and i feel like dating is completely hopeless. i'm not bad looking, i'm thin / fit, and i think i'm pretty enjoyable to be around??? not everyone's cup of tea, of course, but i can talk to anyone and i think i have a decent personality. i'm introverted but act like an extrovert in most social situations. i don't want to sound conceited but i think i'm a good option!? but i just can't seem to find someone who shares the same views, interests, or lifestyle as me. and i'm feeling so hopeless and envious of people who have a partner by their side.

i know i'm young and i shouldn't give up, but the FOMO is so painful sometimes. i feel like i'm going to wake up one day in a nursing home alone and i can't stand looking at couples on tv :(

First off, I apologize to all the New Mexico lovers. I also know I can move, but I'm compromising living here for a few years for my partners work. I also love my job and my home life, so it's not all misery.

I just don't understand the love for this state. It is not beautiful. There are pockets of beauty, but most of it is flat and ugly. Also a slog to drive thru.

The food is bland. When I first moved here, people were saying how the mexican food is nothing like Tex-Mex. It is exactly like Tex-Mex with green chili slapped on top of it. Nobody knows how to season their beef. I live near Old Mesilla, so I've been to all the suggestions already. The only place that stood out was Mad Jacks (bbq) but you have to wait two hours, so again not worth it.

Everything is way overpriced. Cloudcroft and Ruidoso aren't worth it. Neither is Old Mesilla or Old Town in Albaquerque. You can buy that same stuff in Mexico, where it came from, for 1/4 of the price.

Albaquerque and the hot air balloon fiesta was a let down. Don't care for the city and a light breeze canceled the take off of the hot air balloons. I'm not saying they should have taken off and risked safety, but it still doesn't make a good event.

People are nice. But everyone just moseys around. Trying to get any kind of service is like pulling teeth and then they half ass it.

I just don't vibe with this state and dread that I still have a few more years here. I loved the city I moved here from and want to go back.

I’ve been hearing some…joyful noise from my downstairs neighbors that I at first thought was a little kid crying. I was like “aww poor little guy”.

….it was not a poor little guy

My neighbors were getting freak nasty! And I’m starting to connect some other sounds too. Drilling. They had been drilling for days. And I’m suspecting it was a sex swing or rig of some kind. Lucky bastards. THAT SHOULD BE ME. But bf and I are too pussy to drill into the walls or ceiling in this apartment.

Insert that angry “happy for you. Nice. Cool😡” meme. Maybe one day we’ll say fuck it and get one. Then we can really be professional upstairs neighbors.

Edit: yes i am assuming it was a sex swing based only on drilling sure it could be them hanging up shit. But the sex is something i can’t miss and the connection isn’t that far out there given what ive been hearing

Explaining depression can often sound like a pity party
I’m sorry
You hit a point
A point of no tears, so anger, no self reflection
Just exhaustion
Then no one believes you, your just “annoyed”
I’m not anything.
I’m tired of pretending
Pretending that every genuine feeling of happiness I have doesn’t have a rock being throw at my head with a note attached to it saying “you don’t deserve to smile”.
I’m sorry I sound un interested
I appreciate your concern I really do
I’m just so tired
I just want to exist in life
I’m done experiencing it
Just let me sit down
Just for a moment
Maybe one day I’ll want to go back out and pretend I’m living my life
But for now
I’m tired

I am a month into recovery from p*rn addiction. Which is something but also really sucks.

Usually now is the time people in recovery start touching grass, making friendships, maybe even think about a relationship, etc.

Me, I'm touching grass but the universe just sent me a giant f*ck you, laughing at me

I've been struggling with my identity since I was very young (biologically male)

But what i discovered this past month is that i hate being a man.

And will not enjoy having a relationship as man.

And just another f*ck you from the gods, i know what i want in a relationship, but will never have it. I want a healthy lesbian relationship with hand holding, talking, hanging out, etc

So its like the universe is granting me the gift of identity crisis

Recovering has completely sucked for me

My husband (26M) and I (28F) got married seven months ago. We met in the European country we both moved to, my family doesn't know him as they live far away in a different continent.

I don't really share a lot with my family because we are not that close, once a week I send them a random "I'm still alive" text in a family group chat and that's pretty much it. But the marriage thing... I really thought it was a big deal. I honestly thought they were going to worry because they would care who this person is or "why so fast" (my family tends to wait 4-5 years before getting married and its kind of a silent rule) or whatever possible/rational reason to worry about in a situation like this. So I got scared and I tried to protect them by keeping the truth only to myself (I eventually told my siblings but asked to keep the secret too).
Now I finally came to visit (not cheap nor short trip lmao) and I waited until our big family lunch to break the news in person.

I made a big deal, I tried to be tactful and careful about it. I explained everything carefully in a 10-minutes speech. My dad did care and cried a bit, but my aunt (48) laughed and said, in front of everyone, that "no one asked about this because no one cares about me", which according to her was the only reason I could keep the secret for so long, because no one asked directly about my life. Everyone laughed (2 uncles, my mom, my grandparents) except my dad and my two brothers. My big brother tried to defend me and my dad left the room to smoke but that was pretty much it. Now I feel stupid and I just want to cry. I kept this for myself for a long time feeling anxious and weird about it, I was trying to protect their feelings and considering the way it could affect them. If it was my daughter/niece/granddaughter the one getting married out of nowhere in a random country without me knowing shit about it I would care and worry at least a bit. And this is the way they react? Laughing at me and making me feel like I don't matter?

My husband is amazing and I'm very much in love, we dated for a year before getting married. But I kept a low profile about it so no one knew about the relationship. And now I'm here after only two days wanting to get on a plane back to my husband and end any kind of relationship with my family. I'm supposed to stay a whole month. Every time I see my aunt she makes another comment about the situation and it's driving me crazy. I'm going insane over thisssss.

My ex fiancé and me broke up two weeks ago. It was fairly amicable. We didn’t fight or yell at each other anymore and for 2 weeks we had true peace. Real, true peace.

Then she brought another guy over and it all went to shit. TLDR, I’m in a hotel now, with no friends, my families 9 hours away and no fiancé. I wish I had some sort of support where I am. A friend, someone to shoot the shit and talk to but I don’t. It’s weird. To know that I’m safer here than with her, but to know I want to be with her. I’d rather be there to know I can see here.

Instead I’m. Here, alone, and it’s sad, but I guess it’s better this way.

95 percent of the emails I get are unnecessary. It's always nice to get that one good email - but it's not worth all of the garbage. Maybe I just need a new address....

I try my best to not show my 5 & 4 year old that deep down, I am fighting for my life. I go to work everyday to “try” to provide for them & get us out of this mess that their father put us in. We finally should be out of this Women’s shelter tomorrow & I should be happy but the feeling of not failing them is always in the back of my head.

We have started completely over except the 4 bags we brought with us. My 5 year old has been adjusting to his new school for a couple of weeks now and everything has been going okay for the most part. One of his classmates mom gave me an invitation after school yesterday for her son’s birthday party Saturday. It’s at a trampoline park . He was so excited to tell me about it & that’s all his friends were talking about it. Leave it to me to let him know that we most likely won’t be able to go because I simply can’t afford it. I’m barely keeping my head above water. We are visiting food pantries almost daily, what little money I make has gone into this apartment, I’ve been wearing the same tennis shoes from the Goodwill for the past few weeks because I can’t purchase a decent pair. I HATE disappointing my kids. They deserve the world, especially with what they have gone through.

We have court next week & I have to see their father’s face… he filed a motion for a custody agreement but I doubt that will be granted after we show the judge the police documents & hospital bill where he broke my nose. I’m trying to survive. I want to make sure my babies know that we will be okay soon. It’s just rough right now.

I hung out with a guy I liked. My parents track my cell phone and my car, so I left my phone in my car while we hung out. Two and a half hours later, I got back to my car to multiple phone calls and texts from my parents. I called my mom back, and she was very upset, asking me where I was, who I was with, and what I was doing. She also called the coffee shop that I said I was at and asked the employees to find me. She was also looking at Ubers to drive to my location. In total my parents called me 15 times, in one and a half hours.

When we called, I told her the truth about what I was doing, and it sparked a conversation about her saying I am not adulting and that she failed me in some way. I am currently a full-time student with a part-time job. I don’t have much in savings, as I put all of my money into my investments and Roth IRA.
She also told me I’m not responsible and that I need to pay bills, so I’m now taking the initiative to pay my car insurance and my phone bill. However, she told me that me paying those would make no difference and that they always need to know where I am as long as I live with them.

It sucks knowing that I had saved enough to move out, but instead, I invested in my retirement, and now I need to try to save even more just to move out.