So, I recently revealed to my mother about my sexual abuse when I was about 6 or 7 years old, I am 25 now. My abuser happens to be one of my siblings, who I lived with all my childhood and still see frequently. This secret has turned my mom's life upside down, she hasn't been able to sleep and has been crying since I told her 2 days ago. She has taken all the blame and she looks miserable. I regret telling her now, I feel like a villain. She wants to confront my sibling but idk what will come of it and once again I don't want to be the villain that ruins the family. Am I wrong? 

So my dad caught me hanging myself he cut me down and punched me idk what I'm doing one second he wants nothing to do with me the next he's cutting me down idk what to do

Im very paranoid that something bad happened to me when I was 11 and under but I have no really explicit memories or anything. The worst one I have is from when I was around 9 and laying in my bed, it was late and my mom was at work. My dad came in and he just laid on top of me. Then he started like pushing his face into my neck and I was very confused, I think I might’ve laughed a little and was pushing him and I told him to get off me. I don’t remember anything happening after that except him leaving with a weird expression on his face. He was also always drinking and drunk when I was little, especially on the weekends my mom had work. I also remember him slapping my butt whenever he walked past me, he also did that to my sister.

Another time was when I was around 8 and in the bath, he came into the bathroom and I yelled at him to get out and he was like laughing and said he needed to brush his teeth. He couldve just waited. I had pulled the shower curtain closed so he wouldn’t see anything. I remember crying in the bath.

Me and my sister were looking at old videos and one from Christmas 2016 came up and I got a big thing of those flavored lip smackers. Then my dad said something about it being bad because then he would have to kiss me. I looked uncomfortable even though I was really little, my mom just stayed silent behind the camera.

He would get really drunk on the weekends and treat me and my sister like his wives, he would make us dance with him and stuff and we also used to wrestle.

I also peed the bed until I was around 11.

I don’t have any explicit memories of him touching me but I’m really scared that maybe my mind blocked it out. I wouldn’t have posted this on reddit but I have nobody to talk about it with.

Я хотел бы рассказать о своих травмах (моральных) буквально только что я зашёл в какой-то чат там где было куча людей и они все общались, но у 2 парней были явно не все дома...они начали кидать похоть и кровь,мозги и прочее дерьмо...например как муж застал жену за изменой, и достал все внутренности парня...м-да но так как я ещё ваабще не взрослый (мне 13) и да не спрашивайте что я забыл в реддите, но как я знаю он с 13. Так вот и я бы хотел попросить бесплатной помощи от психолога, просто ответьте в мне в ответы и рокажите как с этим бороться? Потомучто я думаю что нормально уснуть не смогу... я нуждаюсь вашей помощи,поэтому я и скачал реддит, ну или просто поговорите со мной, что бы я отвлёкся от этого. Не успел я отойти от грешариков, как тут эта ху...ну вы поняли...

очень хочу отвлечься от этого, поэтому делайте что хотите задавайте мне вопросы, кидайте смешные мемы,лиш-бы мне отвлечься. Спасибо за понимание:)

ok hi, this is my first time posting anything on any social media platform, i just created my reddit account after i saw videos of like people sharing their stories on here and getting genuine advice abt them, and that reddit can be a good place idk ( so pls be nice lol)

what i am going to share and rant abt here is very hard for me to do a lot of advices that i see online is that you have to at least share this with someone so that you don't feel alone bla bla bla but now theres this community i kinda feel like i can share here my story and get help from people with similar experience or heard

but its just that i really cant cuz idk i feel shame and disgusting and that like i will never heal from it and that its not that big cuz there was no like direct r*ape and that people have it worse so mine is irrelevant or it doesnt count as SA or s*xual abuse.

also, nobody in my family or 3 friends that i have know abt this (except for like two we'll get to that later) so yeah ill start now.. ok yall wait im fucking shaking cuz this si gonna be long .

so i am 19 almost 20 (F) and this happened to me when i was like 8 or 9 max.. and the person who did this to me (she's older than me 3 years age gap ) is now 22 were gonna call her Nat so at that time she was 12

so we were at my grandma's house from my moms side and my uncles live there too

so to put a picture on my grandmas house its a villa with three floors , first one the ground one is for my grandparents second is for two of my uncles like two small apartment and the last one is for my other two uncles this is where Nat lives.

so i remember this so fresh like it happened yestrday, she called me over to her house nobody was there exepct for her and her sister but her lil sister was at downstairs.

so i was there with here i remember going in to her room then she called me to wait shes gonna close the door with the key lock. and then told me "listen i am going to show you some things but you have to promise to not say it to anyone or i will never talk to you again" and she scared me so bad and at that time i did not have any friends and she was the only girl that i could play with or talk to like as kids even tho she was super mean to me before this and always bragged to me abt stuffthat my other uncles got her that i didn't have ( mind you i was 8 a little kidd)

so i said yeah i promise I'm good with secrets.

then she opened her fathers laptop, wrote something on google ....

and then pictures, oh my godd, i still cant get it out of my head, disgusting pictures popped out i think u know what i mean but it was just way more and worse, i felt like i was punched in the chest i felt myself breathing very fast and hyperventilating, i felt my eyes popping out of my heaad like i was genuinely horrified and i at first did not fucking understand what i was seeing like i told her Nat what is that what is this stuff and in some pics there was p*nis and she told me giggly its the boys thingie and then i remember telling her while being terrified, Nat that is disgusting i dont like this

i dont remember if i almost started to cry or not after it its really blurry and i feel like my brain blocked half of these things, like i remember before going downstairs while she was opening the door i think cuz my mmom called me or like we were leavings she told me remember this is our little secret nobody has to know abt this or i wil never ttalk to you again

so ok this was the very first time that i was exposed to p***nography i hate this sfuckiing word and theres more like this

so i am going to post more now its just i need a break but you guys tell me if its ok if in use a lil graphic description abt some things that happened to me, idk how ppl do it here.

so i just want to says guys, i dont wanna fucking excuse her what she did idc if she was young and shit she was 12 almost 13 thats kinda old compared to someone who was 8 or 9 but i didnt ask for it, she had a lot of friends and loving parents and a FUCKING LAPTOP she the first grandchild of the family and i am second like even now she has such a narcissitic personality where like she doesnt care abt how people feel or how her words sounds or like she feels super superior.

so yeah

ok im back

so after this, i really like dont remember how i passed my day, its all blur i think mostly shock like as if someone pushed me with force leaving me with chest pain.

so after this ,when we used to go to grandmas house sometime she used to call me upsatirs i remember almost all of them especially i fi focus enough like outlines of memories

so one time she took me to thier living room which was dark we sat in front of the door which faced the outside door with the key lock so that she can hear her parents when they come upstairs. she wrote something and then she put on a p**rn video i still remember almmost all of its i think 10 mins and like even the music i cant fucking get ii out of my head (need advice for these plss)

she told me get up on me like she was laying on her stomach and told me to get up on her and extend my legs and then i remember asking her like doess it hurt i dont wanna do this, cuz the woman seemed like she was crying, she told me yes and described it in a way that is so vile i cant even say it here out of respect, and i swear she used to look at me in such a crazy way like as if shes really enjoying the terror on my face, and then she heard footsteps so she quickly deleted everything like history tabs.... i told her does your mom and dad know, how did they not do something to u or remove the laptop form you she told me " they dont know, and do not say a fucking say a word" she acctually terrorized me with fear, its as if maybe it sounds very light how i am saying but the way she used to grab me and look at me and the tone of her voice ( i really hope you know what i mean by this i was in elementary school) so when her dad came, she switched to a tab of YouTube and her dad came told her hi Nattie he took the laptop i saw him check her history and sutff with a mad face ( he has a resting mad face ykwim) and she seemed like she was goona pee herself and like he gave it back

this is the only p**rn video that she showed me,

she used to sometime show me erotic kissing videos on youtube of like shows and movies idk how she used to find these even some b**reast s**king and disgusting things like that from shows and movies and animes

and she used to force me to kiss her on the mouth and she would like really hurt me even when i try pushing her she tell me angrily this is how it is done. and then get mad and not talk to me so i say sorry

she used to call me to what i thought was "an innocent" sleepover like upstairs at her house but then she'll start kissing me hard really cutting my breath off and breathing hard on me like i would never start it she'll always coerce me into it and i always find it hard to accept especially since we were both girls like one time i asked her that its not good that girls and girls kiss like its wrong especially at this age like its super early and bad and disgusting she told me no dw u r not going to hell bcuz of it its ok l ( this is not abt gender or orientation, ok i was young i thought that everything we were doing was wrong and disgusting)

and what i am going to say next is the reason why i am like this

so sometimes things like this escalate she'll start ..like groping me down there like really touch it and hurt me and i always told her no like its painful she would tell me u will see a white thing coming there dw with a creepy fucking smile while everyone was fucking sleepin

she would take me to the toilet wait there while i started crying and ill see if what she said its true which it wasnt so ill tell her ok now i want to go downstairs back to my mom and aunts and she would let me after a few tries while being mad and thereatening.

omg fuck i need a break

so this is as a whole happened like 4 or 5 times max like the sleepover i am so grateful that i never fucking slept with her , i mean spend the whole night, its usually before midnight i go back downstairs, except one time with her sister bcuz she wanted to kiss me like Nat does which i said yeah cuz i started like accepting itor kinda used to it .

omgg fuckk, i hate myself for this but the thing is that she saw us and the morning she said why tf where u messing with my sister and i said well she asked me to i said yes like u always do

she said i'll go tell mom i remember begging her so hard that i will not do it again she said no while tying her shoelaces and having this cold expression in her face.

she fucking told her mom

you could not imagine how i felt at this moment, the way i was shook to the core, felt disgusting and ashamed and that it was my fault, and the fact she started doing this to me those same previous months... yeah

her mom like almost screamed at me, she really threatened me if i do it again she will tell my mom

i was 10 i think,( sorry guys about the timeline of my age, i really genuinely feel like i was dissociating at that time or after everything that happened, i think its to cope idk, so if any of you guys felt like this after trauma or SA or other things like this please please lemme know if its common)

i told her pls dont tell mom, she said yeah just go, her mom is a bitch too like shes known for making alot of drama and causing problems, she didnt even try to figure out why or who...

i was so fucking mad at Nat, i didnt talk to her, went downsatirs but yeah

this one too its very vivid in my mind.

one time my mom and aunts went to shopping so they decided to leave me and her at a friends house babysitting us.

the girl babysitter was super nice to nat, cuz she knew her and stuff, when the girl was cooking nat, came in and forced me to play asleep so she could do things on my neck and the women would not suspect her

i cant get it of my head fuckk i remember all these like it was yesterday i wanna scream so bad god

when we were sometimes at grandmas she would ask me to come close the door and try to make me naked on the upper side like she will grope me forcefully and place her mouth... it was from a scene of a turkish serie and i vividly recall it

now just like i am saying these are alll the things that happened to me i recall them correctly

the blurry memories are what happened after i left her or more like when she was "finished with me" like the dissociation that happened to me,

so alll of this was like i think for 2 years max, so it was months after her sis incident and i was 10 almost 11 i think.

that when she started distancing herself from me, not coming downstairs when i visit or play with me or talk or chat so i felt used like in my mind i was like" so im only fun for those things " i felt discared.

and you would not believe why tf she did that

thats because she was 14 and hit her puberty

one time we were in the back yard garden and then i told her why did you stop and i had this thinking of omg shes bored of me or im not obeying her anymore..

but what she said was ... how do i put this as if that was the last brink of thin ice for me

she said mockingly and as if "uhhh duhh obviously way" umm its cuz its bad and disgusting and i dont like it anymore ??and SHE HAD THAT SARCASM-FAKING FACE THAT I WISH I COULD'VE PUNCHED IT OUT OF HER RIGHT THERE AND NOW, WHILE LAUGHINGAT my fucking face.

she made me feel as if i was a used piece of shit, disgusted at myself, it almost felt like as if I WAS THE ONE THAT MADE HER FEEL THESE TING FROM MY PART OR THAT I INVITED HERR so that she would be with me as a friend or sister, and it wasnt my fucking faulttt i cried so hard and felt so awkward

so now, we may ask, what a fucking CHILDD NOT EVEN PRETEEN at that age do when he has a secret with his only friend ,he would start loving it or feel like hes super duper important because of that secret.

so that i sensed like i did something wrong . then yeah i think that was 2017 i think cuz i remember yeah these things with her stopped cuz i just lowkey stopped going up to her house or hanging out with her like i focused more so on my other cousins that i always played with even when she was doing all that to me, and then 3 years later came covid, i havent seen her at all those two years even tho we went to grandma house a lot ofc , but she wouldnt come downstairs

( just a note, i became very good at pretending that there was nothing wrong cuz in my brain yeah there was nothing wrong with hiding a secret with my "best friend" and laughing cheekily with her in gathering of lunch and stuff like that WHEN SHE USED TO PRETEND THAT SHE DID NOT SEE ME OR DISMISS ME, cuz i continued living normally when we used to visit grandmas house because all that sit was occasional for her)

now, 4 years ago, 2022, she started coming downstairs again and trying to talk to me normally like nothing ever fucking happpend between us, her treating me with same narcisisitic shit bragging and making herself important.

and i hate her so much i tell my mom and siblings that i hate her but they think the reason is that its cuz she too into herself.

ME at my big age still feel that it is my fault and, that i am disgusting, that i used to look forward to do it with her when i go there even if it didnt always happen when i went to grandmas house thank the lord.

so yeah u guys sorry this is wrong and full of typos i took a break every 20 minutes cuz i cant see from tears lool and my mom is here so yeah

i want advice on this especially like the aftermath that i have dealing with 12 years after like how i am now so i will make another update or post

i really want you to talk to me abt this and tell me if this is SA or not or some of abuse, and respond to where i said i need help on this or the brackets thing.

i genuinly dont know what to do anymore.

none of my family knows about this, not my family or extended family, only one girl that i used to be real close friends with in high school becuase she had a situation with her uncle too , i tried reaching out after high school but she cut contacts with me and moved to canada

thank u so much for taking the time to read this IT SO DAMNN LONG LMAO

I need advice on what to do next any advice will help. Thanks

Struggling with a heavy mental loop and intense self-blame after an uncomfortable public transit experience.

Today I went through a really distressing situation during my daily commute. A public transport driver acted inappropriately and disrespectfully throughout the trip. Because of shock and the suddenness of it, I just wanted to get away as fast as possible, paid him, and rushed out.

Since it happened, I've been completely stuck in a relentless loop of overthinking. I keep replaying the whole thing in my mind, feeling a heavy wave of self-blame for how I reacted and wishing things had gone differently. It has taken a massive toll on me emotionally and physically, leaving me with a tight chest, deep grief, and a feeling of complete exhaustion.

I just feel so lost and don't know how to stop beating myself up over a situation I didn't ask for. I needed a safe space to let this out.

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Feeling completely overwhelmed and stuck in a heavy mental loop after a distressing public transit incident. I live in Iraq, where small three-wheeled auto-rickshaws (known locally as tuk-tuks) are a common way to get around. Today, during my daily commute, the driver was acting strangely, repeatedly sticking his hand out. I tried to ignore it and looked away the whole ride, wanting nothing to do with it. Right near the end of the trip, I glanced over and realized he had been making obscene gestures and insulting me the entire time. Because of the shock and suddenness, I kept silent until I reached and just threw the fare at him and got out . To make matters worse, a coworker was in another vehicle right behind us, which made the whole thing feel even more humiliating and anxiety-inducing. Ever since it happened, as a 30-year-old, I've been trapped in a relentless loop of overthinking and mental replay. It has taken a massive toll on me physically and emotionally—triggering persistent chest pain, deep grief, and a harsh wave of self-blame. I feel completely lost, unable to process what happened properly, or figure out how to stop beating myself up over my reaction. I just feel so exhausted and don't know how to move past this heavy feeling.

I live in Iraq, where we use tuk-tuks as a common means of transportation. Today, during a ride, I kept looking away to the other side, noticing out of the corner of my eye that the driver kept sticking his hand out periodically, but I chose to ignore him and not pay attention.

By chance, near the end of the trip, I turned my head and saw him making an obscene middle-finger gesture—realizing that he had been insulting and cursing at me the entire time. Because of shock and the suddenness of it, I didn't do anything except throw the fare at him and get out as quickly as possible. To make matters worse, a colleague of mine was riding in the tuk-tuk directly behind us, which added an intense layer of humiliation and anxiety.

Since then, I have been trapped in a severe psychological state of acute shock, profound exhaustion, and relentless mental rumination. I am constantly replaying the scene in my mind. This has taken a heavy emotional and physical toll, triggering continuous chest pain, overwhelming grief, deep self-blame, and feelings of utter helplessness.

I feel completely lost, unable to evaluate the situation properly, or figure out how to cope with my own reactions and this intense sense of self-betrayal. I just don't know what to do anymore or how to handle this feeling.

I’ve never told anyone because it’s embarrassing i guess and a little traumatic. I had severe acne as a teen and my parents would pin my down to pop my pimples. They did this multiple times a week for years. My mom couldn’t stand to see the white heads she said she just couldn’t take how disgusting it was. My dad would sit on my legs and hold my arms down while my mom sat on my chest and popped every single pimple on my face. It would hurt so bad and I was scream and thrash around and they just wouldn’t let me go. Then my mom would her done and want to do my back too. So they would flip me over and hold me down again and repeat the process on my whole back. I get these huge pimples and lumps on my back that already hurt so bad and then she would squeeze and squeeze them so I was screaming and begging them to stop while I got screamed at that this is what I get because I won’t wash my face. I was washing the fuck out of my face. As an adult I know what I needed was medical attention and help from a dermatologist, not shame and torture. My entire face and back is pockmarked all over because of the scarring. Scars I wouldn’t have if I could have just been left alone.