Practice originates from southern China and brought down to south east Asia of Chinese descents

Over the past 13 months — and especially since turning 40 this past April — I’ve been going through a period of self‑discovery, or maybe re‑self‑discovery. I’m sharing this because I’m curious whether anyone else has walked a similar path, and how your experience helped you. I’m not looking for answers or advice, just resonance and perspective.

I got sober on 1/4/2022. My spiritual life since then has been a journey with a lot of twists.

My Background

I was raised Roman Catholic and attended parochial school until bullying and violence pushed me out. Even after switching to public school, I still felt like an outsider — especially with the pressure of being “the smart kid.” My earliest memory of God is standing in a dark church with my mother, staring at a massive crucifix of a bloodied Christ. I didn’t understand it, only that I felt fear, guilt, and the sense that stepping out of line meant punishment. That impression stayed with me for decades.

In my teens, my friends and I wandered into a metaphysical shop called Gypsy Moon. They were interested in Ouija boards; I was drawn to the owner, an older witch named Maria. She answered my questions and encouraged my curiosity. I returned almost daily, reading everything I could. My mother panicked, thinking I was “communing with the devil,” but for me it was the first time spirituality felt empowering, balanced, and connected to nature. The idea of the divine as both Goddess and God made intuitive sense. I practiced into my early twenties.

Then my father died by suicide, and we buried him the day I turned 21. My drinking escalated, and my spirituality disappeared. I drank daily for 15 years, damaging one marriage and nearly another.

Sobriety and Rediscovery

When I got sober and worked the steps with my first sponsor, I prayed to a vague “spirit of the universe.” As I stayed sober, I dove headfirst back into Catholicism — retreats, Cursillo, parish council, all of it. But over time, between my daughter coming out, financial struggles in the parish, and the darker side of church politics, I began questioning everything. The fear-based foundation of my childhood didn’t fit anymore.

I felt myself being called back to the craft after twenty years away. I studied Taoism, Buddhism, and even parts of Christianity that still resonate — the golden rule, the Sermon on the Mount — but not the dogma. Last Lughnasadh (2025), I performed a rededication ritual to the Lady and Lord, and my life shifted. The connection I felt as a teenager returned, but now with the perspective of a 40-year-old man who’s been through hell and come out sober.

I’ve also noticed something interesting: the more I drank, the more rigid and right‑leaning my worldview became. Sobriety has softened that. I see nuance now — left, right, center, upside down. I avoid political discussions because they’re so volatile here in the States.

Where I Am Now

This past year has been rewarding as I walk the path again, but I’ve struggled to find others in AA who share similar beliefs. I’m a solitary practitioner, private by nature, and community has been hard to find.

I feel like my spirituality is a synthesis of Taoism, Buddhism, and Paganism. Not a hodgepodge — more like threads that all point toward balance, compassion, nature, and personal responsibility. But I’m used to having a name for my path, and now I’m realizing it may not have one. I’m not looking for structure, and I know that defining it only limits it. Still, I wonder if anyone else has lived in this unnamed space.

Laozi 19

見素抱樸，少私寡欲。絕學無憂

Observe su 素 [simple, plain, white] and embrace pu 朴 [simple, plain, unadorned, uncarved wood],

be less concerned with yourself and minimize your desires.

Abandon learning and be without you 忧 [worry, sorrow]

(the Annotated Critical Laozi)

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Manifest plainness and embrace the genuine;
Lessen self-interest and make few your desires;
Eliminate learning and have no undue concern.

(Henricks)

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[go to Plan B:]
Be simple. Be real.
Do your work as best you can.
Don't think about what you get for it.
Stay focused. Get rid of all your crap.

Don't spend too much time thinking about stupid shit.

(Hogan)

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Zhuangzi 12 Heaven and Earth

夫明白入素，無為復朴，體性抱神，以遊世俗之間者，汝將固驚邪？且渾沌氏之術，予與汝何足以識之哉

If you were to meet someone who understands great plainness,

who subscribes to nonaction and returns to the simplicity of the unhewn log,

who embodies his nature and embraces his spirit,

so as to wander through the common world,

you would really be surprised!

(Mair)

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Comments by Reddit users on "pu" 樸 / 朴:

"The uncarved block of wood represents untapped potential. It can be carved as a boat or made into a door. It can be split into boards and used in a fence. Once its in a fence it can no longer be carved into a boat. It has lost its potential. The same can be said of the spirit. At birth you have potential. You could be a doctor or an activist. A parent or a killer. When we die all the carving that has been done to our spirit is stripped away and we return to the uncarved state. The Master attains this state while alive, therefore he loses nothing at death."

(deleted)

"樸 pǔ or "uncarved block" a Chinese metaphor for your original authentic unified simplicity, devoid of complexities of the intellect and the ego and its desires and aversions. "

by u/Selderij

Note:

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pu_(Taoism))

Key Terms of Daoist Philosophy : r/taoism