I'm 31F, and my boyfriend is 31M. We've been together for four years, and I'm looking for advice on how to navigate a disagreement about marriage and financial stability.
When we started dating, I had a business that was giving me decent returns. Unfortunately, the business started struggling, and I decided to focus on finding a job instead. I've been actively applying for jobs and exploring other ways to earn an income. At the beginning of 2026, I was fortunate enough to get a paid internship, which I'm currently doing. I'm also thinking about starting my own NGO in the future.
Our relationship has generally been good. I love my boyfriend, and I have no doubt that he loves me. He's caring and supportive, and this is the main issue we've struggled with.
When we met, he was living at his parents' house and didn't own a car or a house, although he had a career. Over the years, I've encouraged him and supported his goals. Today, he has his own house and a car. At one point, when he wanted to buy another car, I encouraged him to prioritise buying a house instead because his current car was still functioning. He listened, and I'm happy that I've been able to support his progress.
Now, after four years together, I feel ready for us to start planning our future. For me, that means discussing marriage, traditional marriage requirements such as dowry, and how we can begin building a life together.
However, he doesn't feel ready to commit to marriage until I'm financially stable. He wants me to have a reliable income before we take that step. There was a point in our relationship when he told me he had considered ending the relationship because of my financial situation
I understand wanting a financially secure partner, and I don't expect him to carry all the financial responsibilities in our future.
But I'm worried because there is no clear timeline for when he will consider me financially stable enough.
I'm genuinely trying to improve my situation. I'm applying for jobs, exploring business opportunities, and thinking about different ways to make ends meet. I use part of the little money I earn from my internship to pay for land that I acquired jointly with my sister. I'm not sitting back and expecting him to provide for me.
I also don't depend on him for my personal expenses or ask him for money. When he gives me money, it's usually because he chose to do so willingly.
I've explained to him that financial stability isn't always guaranteed.
Someone can have a good job today and lose it tomorrow. I want to become financially independent for my own sake, too, but I don't know how long it will take to get a stable job or build a successful business.
What makes this difficult is that I feel we've reached a stage in our relationship where we should at least be discussing our plans and working towards a shared future. I don't want to pressure him into marriage before he's ready, but I also want to understand whether we have the same expectations and timeline.
HOW DO I MOVE FORWARD?

TLDR: My boyfriend and I have been together for four years, but he doesn’t want to commit to marriage until I’m financially stable. I’m actively working towards financial independence, but I don’t know how long it will take, and I need advice on how we can plan our future together.

TLDR: My fiance has been saving inappropriate content of other women to look at again. What should I do?

I’ve been with my fiance since I was 12, almost 10 years. When I was around 15 or 16 I looked at who he was all following on social media and found a bunch of accounts of dedicated to posting half naked videos and pictures of women. I confronted him, he unfollowed them and was very apologetic. I was obviously upset but pretty understanding given his age.

Fast forward to 2 days ago, I went on his phone while he was asleep to see when an amazon order we placed would arrive. When I went to close the app I see that instagram is open and there’s a bunch of inappropriate content on his feed. Naturally I look at it and realize it’s a second account I didn’t know about. His following was fine, just a bunch of meme accounts but is saved posts were all half naked women. I left that page open and turned off his phone so that would be the first thing he saw when he opened it. Eventually he woke up and unlocked his phone and I confronted him. The account was an old account he recovered recently so he tried to say it was all from before the last time he was caught but the content was posted too recently for that to be true. When I asked him why he was saving it he lied again and said he didn’t know why because it was just rotting there. Honestly I’m more mad at him for lying than the act itself. It took an hour of grilling him for him to admit what he was obviously doing with that content. At first he said he only did it because it was “easier to access” than the pictures and videos he has of me in his phone. Eventually I got him to admit he was just bored of looking at the same stuff over and over. I don’t understand why he didn’t just ask to make more videos, he said he has no excuse for that.

He was very apologetic and sad to see me upset and deleted the account. Once I had calmed down he took me out for supper and bought me a few things that I collect to try to help my mood. I’m mostly upset because he’s a really good guy, he’s an amazing partner and I thought he didn’t overly sexualize other women or lie to me. I feel like I don’t know him as well as I thought I did. His excuses were dumb but I can get over the content part.. it’s the lying that I really can’t get past. He put me in a tough position because he knows he’s my best friend and I love him dearly. He also knows I’m disabled and financially dependent on him so I wonder now if he thinks I’ll just stay no matter what. I don’t want to end things but I it’s really hard to gain my trust back. He told me I could look through his phone whenever but I don’t want to do that. He keeps asking me what else he can do to gain some trust but I really don’t know.. I wish I never looked. I love him so much and I just want this all to be over.

What should I do? What can he do to gain my trust again?

i genuinely don’t know what to do or how to feel about this situation and i would really appreciate some outside perspectives. my husband and i have been married for about six months and we’re both 20. when we were dating, he had social media and would post me occasionally, not all the time, but enough that i felt acknowledged. eventually, he decided to delete his social media, including his old posts, and i completely understood that and never had a problem with it.

however, within the last month, he got back on social media and has been posting reels about god and sharing bible verses and quotes that he likes, which i genuinely love because i’m happy to see him expressing his faith. the part that has been bothering me is that he hasn’t posted anything about me or us, other than having a picture of us together as his profile picture.

i’ve brought up multiple times that i would really like him to post me, but every time i mention it, he just doesn’t respond. what hurts is that i have him posted on my instagram, and he gets so happy whenever i post him. i love making him feel loved and appreciated, so i’m happy to do it, but it hurts feeling like something that makes him happy is something he doesn’t seem to care about doing for me.

i don’t want to force my husband to post me, and i don’t want social media to define our marriage. i know being posted isn’t what makes a relationship real, and i know we’re married regardless of what anyone online sees. but to me, it’s not necessarily about the post itself. it’s about feeling acknowledged, appreciated, and loved in a way that i’ve expressed is important to me. what hurts the most isn’t even that he hasn’t posted me, but that when i try to communicate something that matters to me, i feel like i’m being ignored instead of having a conversation about it.

am i being unreasonable for wanting this? should i just let it go, or is it fair for me to feel hurt that my husband seems happy when i publicly acknowledge
TLDR: husband won’t post me knowing it would make me happy but is happy that i post him

I'm 33F and my partner is 29M. We've been in a relationship for 4 years.

My partner is a musician, and he recently met a 31F women who is also a musician. They have already sung a few songs together at a show, and they are considering collaborating more in the future, including performing a duet and rehearsing together.

The problem is that I'm becoming uncomfortable with how close their communication has become.

They text each other every day, and their messages are very long. The conversations aren't only about music or organizing rehearsals. They also talk a lot about their personal lives, where they live, where they come from, their experiences, their musical backgrounds, their respective situations, etc. So they are getting to know each other quite well on a personal level through texting.

These aren't just a few quick texts either. The messages can be very, very long. And this bothers me even more because I know my partner isn't someone who likes texting. Even with his closest friends, he doesn't always like to reply quickly.

Within these conversations, there are also regular "good morning" and "good night, sleep well" messages. To clarify, these aren't separate little messages sent on their own. They are part of the longer conversations I'm talking about. He sometimes replies to her very late at night, sometimes around 3 a.m. (he's a pretty nocturnal person), and tells her good night and to sleep well. And when he replies to her in the morning, he wishes her a good morning and tells her to have a nice wake-up, which I personally find a little intimate.

They aren't constantly texting back and forth all day with a lot of small messages. It's more like one long message during the day, a reply several hours later, then another message the following day. But the conversations are still very regular and very long.

I haven't seen any obvious flirting, hitting on each other, or anything clearly inappropriate. A good part of their conversations is about music, even if there are personal parts as well, and I understand that they need to get to know each other since they are considering working together.

However, the fact that they are getting to know each other this well through texting, with such long conversations, along with the good morning and good night messages, makes me uncomfortable.

They will also spend time alone together, especially for rehearsals and working on their duet. That makes me think about the situation too, considering they've already developed this level of personal communication even though they've only known each other for a relatively short time (3 weeks).

I don't want to assume that a man and a woman can't have a friendship or professional relationship without something romantic going on. I know that two musicians can naturally end up talking a lot when they are interested in collaborating.

I've already talked to my partner about my concerns, and he tells me there is nothing to worry about. But I sometimes feel like it frustrates or annoys him quite quickly when I bring it up. He seems to think that I'm judging him or that I have a negative image of him, when that isn't the case. We've always been comfortable with each other seeing our phones and knowing who we're talking to. He sometimes takes my phone, and I take his, too. But now he makes sure I'm not near his phone. He also told me that he no longer wants me to touch his phone because he doesn't want me to judge him for what he writes to people. Yet, being able to see his messages with this woman would reassure me. It would be a way for me to feel reassured. Just the gesture of letting me look at his phone, even if I don't actually read a single message, would make a difference to me.

I'm not trying to judge him or make him feel like he has to defend himself. I genuinely want to feel reassured, and sometimes I need to be able to talk about something in order to get that reassurance. I would like to be able to have these conversations with gentleness and compassion rather than feeling coldness or irritation. I'm not looking for an argument. I just want to feel heard, understood, and reassured.

My question is, if you were in my position, would you feel uncomfortable or worried about this situation too? Or does this seem like a completely normal dynamic given that they are musicians who are considering collaborating?

TLDR: I'm 33F and have been with my 29M partner for 4 years. He recently met a 31F musician, and they now exchange very long, personal messages almost every day, including good morning/good night messages, and will likely spend time alone rehearsing together. There is no obvious flirting, but the level of personal communication makes me uncomfortable. Would you feel uncomfortable too, or does this seem normal?

Tldr: gf has rage fit over cat pee and I am scared to talk to her about it. Context: We've been together for two years. Very much in love. Great communic

Hi! First time positing, long time reader. English: not first language.

Context:

We've been together for two years. Very much in love. Great communication. We don't live together but plan to. I am a cat person. Had cats my whole life. Worked in animal rescue. She never had any pets. Her mother is an obsessive cleaner (obsessive everything). My parents were hoarders so I am super clean in comparison to them, but average, in my opinion. I have depressive episodes occasionally when things pile up but nothing too bad.

I have 2 cats already who are older neutered males and she started to get used to their mess a bit at my house but still won't come over if the house isnt cleaned (not deep cleaned just clean floor/ no litter smell etc) this used to bother me but we both made compromises and found middle ground.

8 months ago i rescued a cat and her 6 kittens. I had an empty room in my house and used it to nurse all of them. The mom is up for adoption now after months of getting her back to health. The 6 babies: 1 i wanted to keep, 1 for my future flatmate, 2 adopted by friends and 2 my partner decided she was ready to try having pets with.

The problem:

The cats she picked. Females. One of them pees when she anxious. She constantly peed in my partner's house, which put my partner into rage episodes. This has been going on for months. I HAVE READ HALF THE INTERNET. nothing is helping the cat. And my partners rage is making her anxiety worse thus more peeing and more rage. And shes using punishment which i explained doesnt work. We neutered her it doesnt work. She even started peing between the litters. There are many things to try primarily being calm when the cat pees and not making them anxious or giving attention. But my partner physically couldn't stop herself from screaming at them or even grabbing the cat when she pees.

We come back from recent trip both terribly sick. We caught a virus. And she finds that they peed and pooped everywhere yes the other cat the sister started doing it as well). My partner sa6s she cleanes for an hour and half. Come to pick me up because im sick . Finds pee again cleans it. We let them out to play with them. They pee again in the room . My partner goes ballistic.

I understand that this would drive anyone crazy. But the rage she displayed this time and many many many ither times for this is deeply concerning. It makes me question how her mother treated them as kids. I know it stems here because we talked about it but still. I dont think she sees her self. It scares me personally.

She is an encredibly emotionally intellegnt woman. She is very aware of her feelings. I dont think she truly sees how bad her anger is. I tried to approach her she said that this would drive anyone crazy and i agree. But there'sq angry at pee and there i want to explode rage. It affecting me and affecting her health.

I told her i will take the cats back to my house for a mental detox for both of you. And i explained the wau she treats them is making it worse and to let me try. And that she can't keep them locked in the room so that they dont break things . Of course they will pee if it keeps the door closed for them. They are anxious and bored.

She called me crying because she feels guilty that she feels good the house is clean and she doesn't know if she can handle cats coming back. I briefly mentioned that the rage she displayed was too heavy for me and a side of her i never saw before and id rather clean the pee than see it. She asked me to explain i told her honestly that it scared it. She got a bit upset and asked to end the call.

Anyway my question is: next week once things calm down, how can i sit her down and tell her the rage i witnessed was horrible and the fact that she's capable of it to begin with over CAT PEE scares me and I cant consider living with her before she works on it?

I am worried because if she cant redecorate for a cat to be able to move freely how will expect me to live with her?

My girlfriend is going through a hard time but it's my birthday tomorrow. We’ve been dating for over 4 years & live together almost one year. We're meant to hang out and do stuff all day but I'm worried she won't be up for it and dragging her along will make things harder for her. I don't want to argue. The timing just sucks because I'm not the kind of person to want to spend my birthday alone and it's on a Thursday so everyone is working/at school. My girlfriend just works 4 10's so she has Thursdays off so it worked out. Any advice? 😞

TLDR: Gf & I had plans to spend my birthday together, but she’s having a hard time.

Hi everyone,

I’m looking for some perspective from people who have been trailing spouses or moved abroad for a partner’s career.

My French partner and I have been together for 1 year and 7 months now. We are currently living in Australia, but we are planning to relocate to Martinique (French territory) later this year for his job.

To make this move happen, I am giving up my current job and momentum in Australia, leaving behind my financial independence, and moving to a foreign territory where I won't have immediate work rights. Our current plan is for me to enter on a 12-month Visitor Visa (VLS-TS Visiteur), register a PACS (civil partnership) once we arrive, and then apply for a status change (Vie Privée et Familiale) to get work authorization.

Here’s where my anxiety comes in: during the transition period (roughly 4 to 6 months after arriving), I will not be legally allowed to work. I will be completely dependent on him and our relationship holding strong in a brand-new environment.

I feel an overwhelming sense of asymmetrical risk. He gets a guaranteed job, immediate income, and a smooth career transition. I am the one taking on 100% of the vulnerability- quitting my job, giving up my work rights, and moving thousands of miles.

Because of this, I’ve felt increasingly anxious about relying on a PACS rather than marriage. From an immigration perspective, marriage is universally recognized, straightforward, and grants direct legal rights. But more than that, I feel like if I am making the ultimate life sacrifice for his career, I need the ultimate legal security and commitment in return.

He seems apprehensive about marriage, treating a PACS as the "standard" French stepping stone. To him, a PACS feels like a big step. But to me, a PACS leaves me feeling exposed while he stays completely comfortable.

• For anyone who moved abroad for a partner's job: Am I being unreasonable or asking for "too much" by wanting marriage before uprooting my life again?
• How did you handle the period where you couldn't work and were financially dependent?
• For those with French partners: How did you navigate the cultural divide between a PACS vs. Marriage when immigration risks were involved?

I’d love to hear your thoughts, experiences, or how you navigated this conversation without causing resentment. Thank you!

TLDR: I (27F) am quitting my job and moving from Australia to a French territory for my French partner’s career. I’ll be taking on all the financial/career risk and won't have local work rights for 4–6 months. I feel anxious relying on a PACS (civil partnership) instead of marriage during this dependent period, but my partner thinks a PACS is "enough." Am I asking too much by wanting the legal security of marriage before uprooting my life again?

I apologize in advance for the length of this post, but i think the context will help inform the situation!

My bf and I have been together for three years now. We're best friends as well as partners. If you ask us, or anyone we know, there’d be no hesitation in saying that we're deeply in love. We can talk about anything freely, which is probably why I've started to notice him focusing on one particular subject; my new coworker, T (23 M).

My work has a very high employee turnover, I have a new coworker every few weeks/months at the least, and they've run the gambit in terms of temperament, age, vibe, and appearance. Some have become good friends to me & my BF, some came and went without much fanfare. T arrived in a batch of 3 other new employees. one has already quit, T is outgoing and friendly with everyone, the other guy is decidedly not. 

The first night for both of the new guys was with me & another employee, four of us total. The shift was deader than dead, that's seven hours straight of having very little to do except chat, and get to know one another. We all exchanged phone numbers to update the work groupchat, and the topics of conversation covered countless shit- including personality tests. T asked that I send him a link to the specific test we were discussing, and I did. It didn't cross my mind there’d be any issue with that. 

That night, I told my BF about the new hires, how we all just sat around and talked, and as I’m rehashing my day, I got a text from T, asking about the results of his personality test. My BF- who is usually very laid back- freaks out and insists that there is something he “should be worried about”. I laugh it off, but it's quickly evident he’s actually serious and actually very upset over this. He asks to read the text again, does so, and admits that he’d misread it- thinking T had insinuated something he absolutely had not. I tried to validate him, and be understanding while trying to smooth it over. If I'd been in his position & thought a new coworker was texting him all flirty, I probably would've freaked a little too. 

The issue therein lies that he’s never been able to be normal about T since that night. If i mention the presence of a man at work (the majority of the staff are men), my BF will bitterly ask if its “that one that texts you”, meanwhile I never even responded to that first text, and we've never exchanged a single text again (that's almost exactly a month ago today). My other coworkers (both men and women) text T, hang out with T off the clock, drink with T after work- I’m really the only one who does not pursue any friendship outside of the context of work.

T is objectively an attractive man, but i don't think he’s nearly as attractive as my BF. I know that doesn't help my BF feel any less jealous, and I've done my best to comfort and reassure him, but at a certain point, it becomes downright obsessive on his part. He’s thinking about T more than I’m thinking about T, and I'm the one who actually has to work with him! 

I don't want to make anyone uncomfortable, and i feel pushing back against my BFs concerns too hard would be even weirder, but the problem for me is that now I'm the one that feels uncomfortable. I feel like I need to avoid bringing up T because it’ll upset my BF, but then i feel weirdly guilty about doing so, as if i have anything to hide. 

My sticking point, I guess, is that my BF has plenty of girls he works with that ask him to take them to bars after work (as the groups designated safe-man) or they'll openly say he’s the cutest guy they work with, right in front of him. There's shit I could be mad about too, but I trust him, so there's nothing more than the (arguably healthy) passing flicker of jealousy that dissipates easily. i don't want to become the "jealous girlfriend", and i don't want him to become the "jealous boyfriend", and i have no idea how to tackle it from here.

It hurts to think he trusts me so little, like how is someone supposed to not take offense to being treated like a cheater? Both of us have been cheated on by long-term partners in the past, and both of us have made it clear that's a dealbreaker. My past experiences as well have led to me seeing this sudden level of jealousy as subconscious admittance of infidelity on their part- which would tear my heart to pieces if it was the case here.

i could put my foot down a bit more firmly and tell him point blank to stop harping on the subject, but would that be too cruel considering he probably just wants comforting? how do i work through this with him? we've already talked about it once, and he was quiet for a few days before it eventually came back up the next night i worked with T, so i don't think a single conversation is gonna fix everything.

TLDR; my BF is jealous of my new coworker, to the point that it's starting to weird me out, how to i handle this??

TLDR: I go on our nonrefundable Ireland trip alone, his visa is not back. Would you go alone, or stay and plan something else.

I am in a predicament, my boyfriend (M26) and I (F29) have planned a trip for my 30th birthday, set to leave on Saturday. I have a Canadian passport and he has an Indian passport, so he needed a visa for Ireland, he applied in time basis the embassys timeline. However, he has not received his passport back with a visa and tomorrow is the last day to hear about it.

That being said I am in the predicament of going alone or not going and us doing something in Canada. It’s a predicament because I got us cheap flights as it was just a week, and he did not book the hotel with a refund (lesson learned 🤦🏽‍♀️). So if neither of us go it’s a total of about 3500$ spent. I think he is in the fence about me going without him, he encourages it but also encourages us planning a week long trip in Canada.

I don’t know where I stand on it because I am going through a lot, the day I leave it’s a year since my dad died, then a year since we buried him and my birthday that I wanted to make a big deal out of this year but it was not my idea to be alone.

So I guess what would you do? Would you still go, or should cut your losses and go somewhere closer together. We haven’t travelled much together just road trips (small ones) and India.