Boyfriend (19M) bothered that penetration doesn’t feel good for me (19F). How do I convince him I’m okay with that / make penetration better for myself?

[u/Choice_Boss_6698]

As the title says, my bf is very bothered by the fact that penetration doesn’t feel good for me. He says that he wants us to enjoy sex equally, which I’ve told him just isn’t possible. I can’t orgasm from penetration, and I’m okay with that!!! He’s great at oral, and even if I don’t cum I don’t really care. I’ve tried to explain that I enjoy sex for the emotional aspect, as well as the motions and just the activity itself, and that my goal isn’t to just cum. He says that he agrees, and he’s of the same opinion, but that he wants penetration to feel as good for me as it does for him. The problem is, I just don’t think that’s possible. It’s not that he’s not endowed, some positions actually hurt cuz it’s too deep for me. Is there any other things to try that could make penetration better for me that isn’t clitoral stimulation?

EDIT: the biggest issue he has is not understanding why I even want to have sex if it’s not physically pleasurable

[u/Choice_Boss_6698]

I guess so. It’s not like him at all, cuz it took him about 4 months to get good at oral, and he took all of my pointers very seriously. During sex all he asks of me is to tell him if I don’t like something, cuz he doesn’t want to hurt me or do positions that “feel like nothing” to me. it seems like he’s coming from a good place, but maybe you’re right and it’s more about him than me.

[u/Effective-Basis-4581 → u/Choice_Boss_6698]

Honey. Please do not think that its about him and not you. That other person couldnt be more wrong. The fact that he is so determined to find a way means its 100% not about him. Guys who suck in bed usually just accept it and get their freak on anyways. They dont try to "do better" because they are already getting the satisfaction THEY want. THOSE are the selfish ones, trust me.

A guy has zero issues being satisfied by sex. Its very easy for them. It is NOT as easy for women, so him even making an effort in the first place should tell you A LOT.

[u/Choice_Boss_6698 → u/Effective-Basis-4581]

thank you, that’s what I thought too. He brought this up after we had sex and he told me he thinks I didn’t enjoy it a whole lot, which then turned into him revealing why. I found it very sweet and tried my best to explain that I just don’t think it’s physically possible to feel good from penetration, but that being with him is what makes it good. He can’t wrap his head around why i’d have sex with him when it isn’t even good, but when I explain that it’s good to me even without the physical aspect he doesn’t believe me

[u/Effective-Basis-4581 → u/Choice_Boss_6698]

Hmmm, from my experiences, maybe he just thinks youre telling him what you want him to hear. Guys are like that with sex related things cause there is so much stigma around a lot of them being bad in bed. Which it seems may be where this stems from in all honesty.

Just sit him down, look him straight in the eyes, and say "I feel like you dont believe me when I say im fine when it comes to our bedroom activities, and I want to reassure you and tell you genuinely that I am, and that I really enjoy being with you."

Then maybe have some educational stuff on hand about how most women dont derive sexual pleasure from penetration the same way a guy does and that you really cant help it. I think he just doesnt want to feel like hes letting you down in any sort of capacity. Once he realizes there is literally nothing else he can do better, i think things will make more sense for him. Try to reassure him of that the best you can and good luck!🙏