im a non-trad student currently in the middle of grinding out the pre reqs, research, and working to just barely pull the money together for each semester. i know that you have to be patient and pay your dues, take these classes and do xyz, but it can get kind of depressing when i sacrifice having free time & any social life for the part of this journey that im least interested in. i know that i'll love throwing myself into med school & studying for it & clinicals etc because that has a lot of meaning for me, but it's harder to find the everyday meaning in like. calc 1 beyond "i just gotta do it so that i can take stats so that i can apply to med school."
and i think i put way too much stress on myself because i know how much is at stake and my financial situation isn't super solid atm. (second degree seekers dont get the same student loan opportunities. i went full time at a school just to get some aid bc otherwise it wouldnt be happening for me for a long, long time.) it's never just a quiz or just a class, it's this crushing feeling of "it's my whole future and i cant afford to retake any class." plus, i made some poor academic decisions when i started college initially (withdrawing from classes for no reason etc.) that i feel like i really, really need to make up for now.
i feel like im constantly having to trade off my different commitments so that i'm never excelling fully in any of them the way i wish i could be. (i have my regular job, full time student, a lab TA internship, & a part-time undergrad research position where now im working on a solo project by myself, so even less human interaction.) the end result is that i just feel like im vaguely failing across the board even though i know logically that it's not true. like, last sem chem 1 kicked my ass but i still got an a. this sem, chem 2 im doing amazing at; we've had 4 exams so far and i've only gotten one wrong on each. but it does nothing for me. i just keep feeling this mounting sense of stress and failure.
tldr; any tips for keeping motivation/positivity during this part? i know that i want to do what comes after and i know that i'll love it. the brightest moments in my journey now are when i can see a glimpse of that future. and it's not that i dont like the pre-req material like bio and even chem lately, it's this overwhelming stress of all of these moving parts and uncertainties and precarious finances that i feel like i can't explain to anyone else and they'll get it. i started this whole journey alone and being an older nontrad also adds an aloneness element. and then i look at other ppl my age who figured it out earlier and idk. im grateful that im able to pursue my education above all.
idk, hopefully that makes sense. thanks <3