My partner and I (both 25) met 4 years ago and when we met we were both gay guys. We were both vers and had similar libidos. Our dynamic was the best I ever had. I finally found someone who wasn't hung up on gender roles, positions, dom-sub, etc.

A little over a year ago she came out and started transitioning and her libido died within a month. Soon after she stopped topping. She says topping invalidates her. She can't stay hard anymore, but says even if she could she doesn't want to top anymore.

I resent her big time because, and this isn't her fault, throughout my teens until I was 22 I had pretty severe agoraphobia. I never got to experiment or go on a bunch of dates or anything like she did. From 16 until she met me was her "hoe phase" and now that she's with me, the person she loves and wants a future with, she's accepted that she's been a woman all along and flips our dynamic on its head.

I don't want the crazy partying or anonymous hookups all the time because I'm still pretty introverted, and the idea of casual sex rarely appeals to me, but I hate that I have to give up bottoming and being submissive. I liked that we would flip roles in the bedroom. I like that I could be myself with her before she transitioned. Now I have to be the dom top 24/7 otherwise she's invalidated and gets dysphoria.

FML.

Throwaway account, for obvious reasons.

My GF (trans mtf, 18) and I (cis f, 17) have been in a relationship for over half a year now and we’re both incredibly happy with each other. It’s a really healthy and happy relationship, but recently I’ve noticed something and I need some advice.

I follow my GF on Twitter and she often talks to her mutual friends (majority trans women) on it. One of those friends posted saying “cis chasers hmu” and my GF responded “they tend to be unaware of the fact they are in fact they are chasers, but they are amazing wives” then tagged me.

We’ve spoken about it before and she definitely seems to think of it as a positive thing? Although, I know the term is usually in referral to someone who objectifies trans women and is basically fetishing them.

I’m a lesbian, and I honestly don’t care about AGAB at all, both trans and cis women are equally attractive to me. Although, all my previous partners are also trans women. I’ve had crushes on cis women, but never really ended up in relationships with them.

The term chaser was also used by a toxic ex after a messy breakup along with other things in an attempt to isolate me, which further complicates things a bit.

I don’t really know what to do, because from what I know about the term, I don’t think it applies to me at all, but at the same time my GF doesn’t seem to believe it’s bad? She seems to refer to me as a chaser in an almost endearing way and I don’t really know how to feel about it.

I want to learn more about the term, who it applies to, etc. I also want to know if there’s anyone behavior-wise I need to change.

I really hope none of this offensive or anything, and I’m so sorry if it is. Please educate me on anything I’ve gotten wrong. Thank you for any help x

We've been together 10 years. She had just come out when we got together; I was one of the first people she told. She initially identified as aro and ace, I definitely did not. No biggie; sex has never been a huge thing for me, we aren't monogamous and I was always respectful of her boundaries. Provided I was getting affection and emotional intimacy, the rest was optional.

2 years ago 2 things happened very close together. She got bottom surgery, and I gave birth to our child. Her recovery was as standard as it could be: long, painful but blessedly complication free and she started prog once she was given the all clear. My birth experience was not, and I have been left with a permanent change. My relationship with my body has never been the greatest, and this has killed what libido I had. I am still trying to figure everything out - the nerves were so damaged it took the best part of a year to be able to achieve orgasm even by myself - and frankly at this point, I'd be happy going without sex for the rest of my days, or so it feels like, but I am trying to reconnect with that part of myself, mostly to please her.

She is the opposite. Turns out, never aro or ace, just heavily repressed. It's like someone fed her libido cocaine. She is horny 100% of the time she isn't flattened from child rearing, and even then, sometimes she still would like it. And it is getting to the point it is repulsing me.

Not her feelings about herself, but she works the fact that she's horny into every single fucking interaction between us, or it feels like. I can't go in for a hug without her (loudly) sniffing my hair, stroking parts of my anatomy or trying to slip fingers under my clothes. If we're just hanging out chatting she'll interrupt what we're talking about to tell me how good I look, complete with suggestive eyebrow waggling so I know that she doesn't just mean that my hair is behaving today. We sleep in separate rooms, thank fuck, or I think I might have lost my rag.

Ironically, I once described the difference between creepy and sexy to her early in our relationship as that sexy people make you aware of your own genitals while creepy people are constantly trying to draw your attention to theirs, and that's exactly what she's doing. What feels like *all the goddamn time*.

Double ironically, my other partner I am slowly warming up to the idea of sex with - although he's like me, he could happily go without - because I've been able to get lots of affection from him without any sexual overtones whatsoever, which has given me space to process how i feel and what my body is doing. Her? I can't fucking even go cuddle her in bed in the mornings without her trying to turn things hot and heavy. I have repeatedly expressed that I am SO SO NOT UP FOR THAT, and she'll just sigh sadly and the KEEP TALKING ABOUT IT.

I didn’t realise how much this was upsetting me until I typed it all out, but it really is. I miss being able to just hang out and chat and cuddle with her, without her proverbially humping my leg or literally stroking me I NEVER LIKED FUCKING STROKING AT THE BEST OF TIMES WHY THE SHIT DO YOU KEEP TRYING NOW?!

Ahem.

I do bring it up. I try to do so in a light or jokey manner. Her response is "I just can't help myself".

This is going to crush her. This is the first time she has gotten to exist as a sexual being in a body that doesn’t repulse her and I am touched that the person she wants to explore and express it with is me. But her enthusiasm/desperation seems to be wiping out any consideration for me as a person who now has her own body issues and things about myself that are never going to go back to being "normal", and I know we get very little time together as it stands, because kiddo is the sort of kid who still isn't sleeping through the night and is 1000% energy all day every day such that every care giver we've had ends their shift absolutely wiped, but I cannot do this and it's hurting our relationship. But I am also worried that I have bottled this up for so long that if I try to talk about it, I'll end up blurting something out that's hurtful or dismissive of her feelings and I also don't want to do that.

So, i appreciate this has been long, but if anyone could maybe give me a balanced script that takes into account both sides and expresses the consequences firmly as me going "hey, yeah, I'm not up for that right now" isn't getting the message across, both in terms of magnitude and the bigger picture of the damage this is doing to our relationship, i would be so grateful. Apologies for warbling on.

Hey all! My beautiful gf has recently gotten on progesterone and is having more horny urges about wanting me to put a baby inside her haha. Sadly I am a cis woman so I’m trying to find a toy that can simulate that act that I can actually wear to thrust into her. Help a gal out!

TL;DR. My bf and I are on a break. One of the issues is that he thinks he might not be actually male. I am afraid that he might transition and feel horrible about the way I feel

Hey there,

So my bf said on Sunday that he needed a break from our relationship (we’re both in our early 20 if that’s relevant) And Not because he isn’t happy with me, but because there are some things that he has to figure out, but stops himself while in the relationship with me. One of the reasons being that he is unsure if he is male.

We were/ are(?) together for almost 2 years, and around 8 months ago he tried out going out as a femboy. Meaning wearing a skirt, a pink sweater etc. after that he continued to dress in that way more often and also bought himself more skirts, also a dress now. Usually it was like 1-2 a week. I really never minded it at all, ofc it was unusual but I didn’t love him less. I have do admit that his „male style“ is more attractive/ appealing to me, but like I said I still love him the same as a femboy.

He did sometimes mention that he isn’t sure of his gender identity, if he is male, female, gender-fluid or sth in between. But now he started the break.

The problem is also that he has Bordeline, he doesn’t know if he hates himself/ his body because of the BPD or because he doesn’t like to be a male.
For me it almost seems as if his borderline is just looking for a way out of this self hatred. But of course I know it’s not for me to decide.

And now to my problem, i don’t know if i am going to love him fully if he decides to do HRT and transition and tbh it feels gut wrenching me. I am straight and i don’t know if i am going to be able to love a woman. I am quite sure that if he comes out to me as gender fluid, non binary that I’ll be able to completely accept that. But I don’t think I can do that if he’ll be a women, and I feel so terrible about that.

He told me that I also should think about that and that when we decide to start seeing each other again, that we’ll need time to date and get to know each other again and that maybe this time he’ll be a women.

I am afraid of that and that makes me feel so horrible. Although we are still texting because we are still talking about our rules in that break, I can’t tell him that, because that might slow him down and not actually doing what he thinks is right.
But I also have the feeling that this doubt of his gender identity is still to „fresh“ to actually decide and I don’t want him to rush anything.

This break was for him also necessary primarily to sort out some of his borderline issues, but having doubts about his gender and being trapped in his male role while in a relationship with me is also one of them.

I feel sacred, hurt and just horrible bc of my thoughts

I've (cisM) been dating my MTF partner for awhile now and have had some things on my mind that I'm not sure if I should bring up to her out of fear of making her feel bad. For context, she is unable to be out socially/begin any parts of a medical transition for several years due to living in an environment where it wouldn't be safe, so its essentially a waiting game to be able to move and start both of these. She didn't come out to me right when we started dating, so I guess I was initially attracted to her presenting as a cis male (though this isn't a huge problem for me since I'm bi). But this makes me feel guilty because she still outwardly presents as male, and I really can't refer to her as a girl to anyone besides myself (in my thoughts and in writing, like here), so it hurts me to feel attracted to her in her current state. I highly doubt I should bring this up to her since it feels like that would hurt her feelings, but I am honestly just struggling to see her as a woman right now since she can't do anything, and it sort of stresses me out knowing that this would continue for years. I'm not sure how else we would have gotten around this though since she was on a dating app with her profile set as a man.

I am also scared of losing physical attraction towards her once she does start medically transitioning - as I said I am bi, but am generally more attracted to masculinity/I haven't had too many crushes on girls and have never actually dated one - but it feels stupid even thinking about this since there's always a possibility we break up before then for unrelated reasons. She has known she's trans for a decent amount of time and wants to get on hormones and have bottom surgery, facial reconstruction, but the last 2 would be even further down the line with costs, logistics and everything.

I guess I just feel very lost and dont know what to do with this. I can't talk about this and out her to any of my friends/family. I'm not sure which aspects of these thoughts, if any, I should talk to her about, and I am in the process of finding a therapist so I have at least one person to go to. It feels bad essentially living with her acting as my "boyfriend" to everyone else in my life and having to keep in the back of my mind that that's not what she is. I somewhat feel like there's no real use in pondering over all of this since everything would be so far in the future but I do have a bad tendency to ruminate on things/try to find a resolution ASAP when in this circumstance, I genuinely cannot. If this was a much shorter timeframe, ie a number of months, I do not think I would be feeling this way. Any advice or similar experiences would be really appreciated, as well as possible approaches to conversations with her about this. I've never felt like I clicked with someone else so much and I am scared of losing that.

My boyfriend (33M) and I (32F) have been together for almost three years. About a year ago, he told me that when he was younger he struggled with questions about his gender identity. He never really worked through it; he always pushed it down. He comes from a Catholic family and always dated Catholic women, so he never allowed himself to think about it. About four years ago, he started seeing a therapist. In therapy, these doubts came back, and he says he's not sure whether they're really about his gender or a response to trauma, since his parents are divorced and he's been through a lot in his life. He's still unsure today. He says the doubts come and go. They aren't constant, and when he's with me he doesn't think about any of it and feels comfortable being who he is now. Over this past year I've tried to cope with the situation. Whenever he made small changes to his body, like shaving his legs or his arms, I never said anything to him, but it was really hard for me. This week he did it again, and again I didn't tell him. But on my own, I started questioning how I feel about these changes, and I don't think I'm ready for this. I don't think I'm ready to be in a relationship with a trans person, with a woman, because I identify as straight and I'm attracted to men. I told him that maybe this isn't a journey for me. I said I could be there to support him through the whole process, but that his uncertainty has been affecting me, and being in this place of not knowing hasn't been good for me. So I don't really know what to do. Do you have any advice on how to take care of myself through this, or how I can help him navigate it? I don't know if I should stay in the relationship, since he's unsure whether he's really trans or whether this is a trauma response. I don't want to hold him back, but I also don't want to lose him

My partner recently came out to me as trans (mtf) and I'm struggling with figuring out how to best support her. We are in our mid-30s, I am cis f and pan.

We're in a super new relationship (like 2 month), but I've known her as a man for quite some time before we got romantically involved. She's actually been closeted for around 20 years and is terrified of people's reactions. Mostly the social consequences of transitioning. I can’t begin to imagine how much courage it took of her to tell me about it.

She currently doesn't want to transition and has never spoken to a therapist about it. At her request, I've started using she/her pronouns when we're alone.
I love her and fully support her identity, but I'm also trying to process my own feelings.

Some of the things I initially found attractive about her are "traditionally masculine" and I feel guilty about that. I am also having a hard time with my wording. Pronouns are not the issue, but I am super worried when I compliment her about any part of her body if that’s okay or a part she is dysphoric about. I am not even starting about everything related to sexuality, that’s also a difficult subject.

What worries me most is seeing how unhappy and sometimes desperate she is. We talk about it openly, and I want her to feel safe exploring what she wants without any expectations from me. But I also feel like I can't be her only source of support, since she's been carrying this for so long.

How do I support her without pushing her towards a transition she might not want? Would suggesting to talk to a professional be too much? Since she hasn’t really figured out what she wants next, I of course always have an open ear, but is so hard to see her suffer.

I'd really appreciate hearing from anyone who's been in a similar situation. What helped you?

(Im cis hes trans we are gay imortant for context prolly)

So let me start this by saying our relationship is amazing we communicate we play the same sports, it's both of our first relationship and its filled with love.

However I feel like im bored i don't know any other way to describe it, I've known he is trans for about 3 years. (been with him since August last yr)

I feel like i don't enjoy our intimacy anymore all we do is makout and kiss n stuff. We have dynamics in the bedroom I genuinely like.

However I feel i want more he's never touched my dih and we have never done anything past kissing.

OBVIOUSLY I'd never force him or make him feel bad for it because it's all derived in his body dismophia and thats ok, his solution is top surgery but thats awhile away for now atleast post university.

My main reason for this is i want to enjoy it again im going to keep trying to look inward at my self to figure out if its me. I have thought about gender, sexuality, internalised homphobia,how my life is going (kind of a stress) but nothing is leaping at me.

This lack of intimacy that I want to experience just makes me feel a tad sad when I think about our relationship; as he is perfectly happy with our levels of intimacy but I'm just empty he smiles while I kiss him but I yearn for more, he doesn't see my sadness either.

(like i do love kissing the bloke but sometimes I dont feel engaged as im thinking about sex or blow jobs stuff like that)

If I'm being completely real I want to get get cracked and top someone

However this relationship is perfect apart from that i feel lost on what to do. Bury my own desires for like 5-6 more years and stay in a healthy relationship, kinda weird leaving him doesn't feel like an option i don't want to hurt my handsome boy.

Has anyone ever delt with wanting more out of their partner and knowing you'll wont get it anytime soon?

Not sure if thats worded well sorry if not!

also I forgot this I have raised wanting more intimacy before but he isnt comfortable touching me in anyway, his body dismorphia particularly his chest means he doesn't want to touch me (his words) I can't say anything bad about his reason it's entirely valid but still like i said earlier its a long way away

I don't even know if anyone has "advice" that isnt going to be leave him but if you do id love to hear it felt good to rant about it though