I (18F) have a brother (21M), we'll call him Ben. We could not be more different. He's a social butterfly who often goes to parties, drives, and stays out late. I keep to myself, seldom get invited to parties, and I'm home by 10:30. Ben went to college eight hours away, and often gets snow; he's gone into the wrong crowd, rich rednecks. He's bought snowmobiles and dirt bikes, drained his college account, forgotten to reapply for fantastic scholarships, and failed classes, which has extended his college career. He doesn't come home except maybe for the holidays if he's not at some friend's uncle's place in Malibu. He's caused my parents a lot of stress (although they're perfectionists, so I take their feelings with a grain of salt), and our relationship could be described as estranged. I went to college this year, I go home every weekend, and as far as my parents know, I have no vices.

On with the question.

My parents had saved up to put in a back deck and hot tub, but the only entrance without walking around the house is my bedroom window. Since I've moved out, they want to put in a door and rearrange things, which is fine with me since my room is the size of a walk-in closet, and we decided to have me move into Nana's place. Nana lived in an apartment-style attachment to the house with a small kitchen, living room, bathroom, and bedroom. Double doors separate our house from her space, but we always leave them open, especially on holidays. Nana lived there for ten years, being cared for by my mom before she moved to assisted living. She still comes home on Sundays, so the living room has to be the same, albeit with a desk there for my summer studies. We agreed to renovate the bedroom to my tastes, though, and I was excited to have my own space, and with just the three of us, the desk in the living room would be quiet enough to study.

Then Ben came and heard the plans. My parents had concealed the conflict for a few days so I felt blindsided when it happened at the dinner table. He wants Nana's space for the summer, since he wants to take his engineering summer job locally, unlike in the past. When I was confronted afterwards, I was told I had the reins of the situation and had two options. Keep the space, or move in his former room. While Ben's room is unoccupied, there's a treadmill, and it's where our elderly dog goes when we're out, so it smells like dog. When I pointed it out, they said they'll renovate it just the same as if I chose to stay in Nana's. Because of his social life, Nana's living room will constantly have guests, and if I have the desk there, it wouldn't be good; nevertheless the nagging I'd get for keeping the space. Choosing his old room is the most practical solution, and choosing Nana's space is the most petty. What do I choose?

TL;DR: Social brother wants the space I want; he's louder and more social and would bring guests no matter what. A different space is more practical, but I don't want to give in to demands.

TL;DR - Would you take the risk and leave your life behind for a lifestyle you know would make you happier?

Hi everyone,

I’m looking for some completely unbiased advice from people who don’t know me or my circumstances personally.
I’d really appreciate hearing from people who have been in a similar situation, or even parents who can offer a different perspective.

My partner (26) and I (24) have been together for eight years, and we’re engaged. We’re incredibly happy together, and a couple of years ago, we discovered a shared love for hiking and exploring the more rural parts of the UK, particularly the national parks. We love wales and Scotland!! We’ve never felt more connected, content or genuinely happy than when we’re out exploring somewhere new, surrounded by nature.

The problem is that we currently live in London, and the longer we spend here, the more unhappy we seem to become. Whenever we return from one of our trips, we experience this almost overwhelming feeling of coming back to a life that doesn’t really fit us anymore. It’s hard to explain, but the contrast is becoming too difficult to ignore.

We know the typical London lifestyle probably isn’t for us long-term, but making a move feels much easier said than done. We’ve discussed moving somewhere rural, but trying to find somewhere that offers genuine countryside living while remaining close enough to a city and my family seems incredibly expensive. And if we’re honest, some of the places we’ve looked at feel more like a compromise than the lifestyle we actually want.

Recently, however, we discovered live-in opportunities on rural estates, including in Scotland. Some of these positions offer decent salaries, accommodation and utilities, with what appear to be reasonable working hours and commitments. For the first time, we’ve come across something that could potentially allow us to experience the kind of life we keep dreaming about without immediately taking on enormous living costs and allowing us to save !

And now I’m terrified.

Part of me feels excited by the possibility of starting somewhere new, building a different life together and finally doing something that aligns with what makes us happy. The other part of me is constantly thinking, What if it doesn’t work out? What if we regret it? What if we end up isolated, miss our friends and family, or discover that the reality isn’t what we imagined?

I’ve recently started a new job, which makes the timing feel even more daunting, even though I know I’m not necessarily tied to it forever. My partner doesn’t seem to have the same reservations.

A lot of my siblings live abroad or are planning to move further away, and although my partner isn’t particularly close to his family, I have a handful of very close friends and family whom I would genuinely miss. I know that moving away would mean giving up the convenience and familiarity of our current lives, and I dont know if I would get to keep my connections.

But the other side of this is that I’m genuinely unhappy with the life we’re currently living. I don’t see myself wanting this lifestyle in the future, and I’m starting to worry that staying simply because it’s familiar and safe could lead to its own kind of regret. I’m not someone who usually has such a negative or fearful outlook, which is why these feelings are confusing me so much. I can’t tell whether my anxiety is a sensible warning that we need to think things through more carefully, or simply the fear that naturally comes with considering a big change.

So, I’d really love to hear your perspectives.

If your adult son or daughter came to you and said they’d found an opportunity in a different part of the country that could give them the lifestyle they genuinely wanted, but it meant leaving their jobs, friends and familiar surroundings behind, what would you tell them?

What would you want them to consider before making that decision?

For those of you who have made a similar move, particularly from a city to a remote or rural area, what was the reality like? Did you find it difficult to build a social life? Did you regret leaving your old life behind, or did you wish you’d done it sooner?

What are the biggest risks or downsides you think we might be overlooking? And equally, what are the potential benefits that might make taking this leap worthwhile?

I’m especially interested in hearing from people who can be honest about the practicalities, rather than simply saying, “Life is short, just do it!” I know that, but I also recognise that decisions like this have real consequences.

I suppose what I’m struggling with most is knowing the difference between being sensible and letting fear make my decisions for me.

Thank you to anyone who takes the time to read this and offer their perspective. I genuinely appreciate it.

I currently work in a call center 5 days a week and Barback at a really cool bar 1-2 a week.

The call center lets me work from home 3 days a week but I have to be in the office 2 days a week. I’m pretty burnt out on the job, and I’ve basically hit the ceiling there so I’m not getting any promotions or raises in the future. It pays a little under $25 an hour, and I work there full time. I’m kind of resentful there and unhappy because there is no growth. I’ve worked there 8 years now. It was my first real job that allowed me to get an apartment and changed my life a lot.

The bar I Barback at is awesome and I really want to be a bartender there. That will happen eventually I’ve been told and judging by the trajectory of the previous Barback I have no reason to doubt this.

A chain restaurant in a tourist trap area of my city just offered me a bartender position, full time. So my issue is this- the chain restaurant needs me on the days I Barback.

I don’t know what to do- I think id be happy to leave the call center even if it’s potentially less money (who knows what tips will be like at the chain- I was a server in this same tourist area years ago and tips were often just ok and sometimes really bad), IF I could stay at the bar I Barback at. But the chain is gonna need me those days.

But I want to be a bartender as soon as possible, not at the chain ideally for too long, but it’d be great to have that experience when applying other places.

What do you all think? Thanks in advance.

TL;DR: A) quit my call center job and Barback job so I can bartend full time at a tourist trap or B)
keep my current jobs in the hope I’ll eventually be made a bartender at a much better and more lucrative bar

I knew this guy in college, and we used to study together. He helped me pass a class, and we’d have movie nights where he’d bring me candy. We’re both 22/23, with birthdays one day apart.

I got offended when he didn’t reach out until a month after our last conversation, even though he was just checking on me. I was depressed at the time, and looking back, I feel like I let my emotions get in the way. He helped me so much, and I never even told him I liked him romantically.

We never reconnected, and he changed his number. Now, I want to reach out. I found him on LinkedIn and want to reach out, but I’m nervous about how he’ll react.
Would it be weird to contact him after all this time?

EDIT: it's been over a year since we talked.

TLDR; 22F 23M. Met in college last year. Would have movie nights and study together. I liked him and never told him. I got offended that he checked on me 4 weeks after we last saw each other. And I regret doing that. But I found him on LinkedIn and want to text him. We last talked a year ago.