This thread is a virtual space to participate in the annual October 15th Wave of Light in honor of Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day. At 7:00 p.m. local time across the globe, people light a candle for one hour to remember the babies we have lost. Whether or not you plan to participate this evening, this thread is a space for you to remember those you lost but will never forget. Share as much or as little about your baby(ies) or pregnancy(ies) as you’d like and we will bear witness to them with you. You are not alone in your grief. We walk beside you and we see you, today and every day.

Thank you to former mods u/Hattie_McGillis_Muro and u/Maybenogaybies for starting this tradition. May our community continue to come together for this annual moment of remembrance.

* This space is for those who have experienced pregnancy or infant loss; it is not a space to discuss failed transfers or aneuploid embryos, although we acknowledge the grief that comes with that as well. Those discussions are welcome in the daily Treatment threads.

* Reminder for those who have experienced or are currently experiencing success that primary comments are not allowed.

We can’t promise good food, hot coffee, or clean bathrooms, but we can promise familiar faces and old friends. This thread provides a sense of stability for those who have weathered many seasons together on this sub without success. To participate in this thread, you must meet the following guidelines:

1. You must have been an active member of r/infertility for at least 18 months, and you must have been active for the majority of that time. “Active” refers to your participation in this specific Reddit community (i.e. posting, not just lurking), not the length of time you have been in treatment or dealing with infertility. You can use the Arctic Shift to search your previous comments on the sub (your first comment should be at least 18 months ago). We understand and encourage mental health breaks from both treatment and online participation, and once you are designated as a Long Hauler, you do not lose that designation (unless #2 below applies to you). People who do not strictly meet these guidelines may be approved on a case-by-case basis. Send a modmail if you are not sure whether you qualify.

2. This thread is reserved for those who have not had success and are not currently experiencing success. If you have a living child or children, if you are pregnant, or if your partner or another person is carrying a pregnancy for you, the Long Hauler thread is not for you.

How are you doing? Where are you at in your journey these days? This is the space to commiserate and connect with other r/infertility long haulers.

This thread is a dedicated space for those that are pursuing adoption, foster care or foster-to-adopt as a way to grow your family - while dealing with infertility. This discussion is not to imply these paths are the right fit for every person or family or that any of these are simple, easy, or obvious. This is also not to imply that these discussions are limited to this thread, but an effort to carve out a unique space for individuals to collaborate, commiserate, and learn.

We are approaching this thread with a slightly relaxed approach to ongoing “success” as the foster/adopt scenario is a tricky situation. Discussing the process may sometimes includes discussions of the children but including conversations of daily life with the children is not appropriate here. What is allowed is discussion of feelings around bonding/reunification. Essentially, try to mention the ongoing situation with children in neutral terms as we strive to maintain this space for all members.

Resources for folks pursuing adoption:

• https://www.childwelfare.gov/topics/adoption/intro
• Thoughts from a Reddit user on potential ethical issues and other considerations re: adoption
• r/AdoptiveParents and r/FosterParents may be other sub to check out as you explore next steps

Please keep in mind that members participating here have not come to consider the choice of adoption and fostering lightly. This choice is personal and can be dependent on many factors. Comments expressing unsolicited advice or judgement will be removed per our Be Compassionate rule.

*** Comments mentioning anything related to treatment, trying to conceive, or family building measures in this thread will be removed via our OFF TOPIC rule. Consider if you were taking a break from treatment because you were exhausted and sad - treatment (yes anything related to it) goes in treatment **\*

Coping with infertility is complex, and it is our imperative to create places where we can honor the distinctly unique needs created by infertility. Sit beside us and share what’s on your mind and going on in your life. This is a great place to get to know your fellow members outside the gravity of treatment. Discussion here includes, but is not limited to:

• Venting about the impact of infertility on our lives/relationships/careers
• Non-IF Rants of all kind – marriage, career, societal, social media, friendships, mental health, and yes… politics too. It doesn’t need to be infertility related!
• Discussions around dealing with the influence of infertility – therapy, coping methods, finding supportive friends, getting lapped by a friend, dealing with pregnancy announcements, pushy parents, people that don’t understand, etc. The big picture stuff.
• Sharing stories and parts of your life (pictures of pets always welcome!) outside of infertility

Example of the difference between the Treatment and Chat Thread:

Comments for the Treatment Thread

• Literally anything that involves or mentions treatment, trying to conceive, or any family building measures: paying for it, being exhausted by it, fighting about it, telling other people about it. If anything about your comment has anything to do with treatment or TTC, it belongs in the treatment thread. Also including diagnostic tests, medication, lab results, or lifestyle measures taken in the hopes of improving treatment outcome.
  • I'm in the TWW, and I'm glad I scheduled a vacation as a distraction!
  • I'm trying to decide if I should delay my egg retrieval cycle because this is a big work month for me.
  • I told my parents about IVF, and they were incredibly supportive. I feel really grateful.

Comments for the Chat Thread

• You can of course still discuss infertility in the chat thread:
  • I am super bummed about being lapped by a friend.
  • I have two currently pregnant coworkers, and I am losing my mind with all the pregnancy discussion.
  • Today is the anniversary of my loss, and I'm really struggling.
• Or you can discuss things unrelated to infertility:
  • Whoa, my dogwalker taught my dog to roll over.
  • There's this donut place next to my work that sells donuts for $5 each, but the WILD thing is that they're worth it!
  • My spouse and I are planning a trip to Europe. Opinions on Italy vs Greece?

A few notes:

• Positive HPT or Beta Results (including Beta Hell) should only be posted in the Results thread as per the rules (except for confirmed loss): https://www.reddit.com/r/infertility/search?q=flair_name%3A%22Results%22
• We recognize that the AM/PM distinction doesn’t match up with every time zone in our global community, we ask that you pick the most recently posted thread wherever you are.
• Standalone culture here is saved for complex topics, usually including detailed conversations around scientific studies, or asking multi-part complex questions around treatment plans. We strongly recommend posting in the community threads first. If you aren’t sure, ask in the daily threads first!

Above all - Science minded perspective and respect for others is important here. Please treat your fellow peers with compassion.

Last reminder - this is the CHAT thread. Not the place to discuss anything focused on treatment, TTC, or family building measures.

** In this thread you may seek support only for confirmed losses - that does not include speculation of pregnancy loss, nor cycles in which an embryo is transferred but does not implant. If you suspect a loss and/or have not received confirmation from your doctor, then you must post in the Weekly Results Thread until confirmed **

This thread is a dedicated space for members of r/infertility experiencing a confirmed loss – be it a blighted ovum/anembryonic pregnancy, chemical, ectopic, molar, miscarriage, stillbirth, TFMR, or infant death. This is the space to come together and find support as you grieve, away from the maelstrom of treatment. This is not to imply that these discussions are not allowed in the treatment thread, but is a focused effort to give an additional space to our members grieving a loss. We have many spaces you can discuss a confirmed loss, but we created this space so you don't have to post where it might be hard to.

Please use this space to vent, cry, talk about how you’re coping, share your loss experience, and ask specific questions pertaining to your loss (either resolved or ongoing). Our rules around mentions of pregnancy, children, and prior success still apply in this thread.

Above all - Science minded perspective and respect for others is important here. Please treat your fellow peers with compassion.

If you are looking for further specialized support, we recommend you explore the following communities (their wikis include helpful posts on resolving your loss via multiple methods, coping with your loss, ways for you to honor your grief, and much more):

r/Miscarriage

r/ttcafterloss

r/babyloss

/r/TFMR_support

Our community threads are the heart of our subreddit and operate much like a specialized support group – we share our experiences and strive to collectively support one another on the topic at hand.

Please use this space for sharing and discussing any type of treatment, trying to conceive, or family building measures. This includes, but is not limited to:

• Advice / Updates on current treatment cycle or planned/future treatment cycles
• Questions / Discussion about medications, treatment, diagnostic tests, and lab results
• Any measures taken/evaluated to improve treatment outcomes – supplements, diet, exercise, etc
• Seeking emotional support related to upcoming treatment, treatment outcomes, infertility diagnosis, and confirmed loss
• Commiseration and venting related to treatment
• Supporting and cheering on fellow members as they run the gauntlet of infertility treatments

Essentially, if you mention treatment, TTC, or family building measures – it goes in this thread.

A few notes:

• Positive HPT or Beta Results (including Beta Hell) should only be posted in the Results thread as per the rules (except for confirmed loss): https://www.reddit.com/r/infertility/search?q=flair_name%3A%22Results%22
• We recognize that the AM/PM distinction doesn’t match up with every time zone in our global community, we ask that you pick the most recently posted thread wherever you are.
• Standalone culture here is saved for complex topics, usually including detailed conversations around scientific studies, or asking multi-part complex questions around treatment plans. We strongly recommend posting in the community threads first. If you aren’t sure, ask in the daily threads first!

Above all - Science minded perspective and respect for others is important here. Please treat your fellow peers with compassion.

Our community threads are the heart of our subreddit and operate much like a specialized support group – we share our experiences and strive to collectively support one another on the topic at hand.

Please use this space for sharing and discussing any type of treatment, trying to conceive, or family building measures. This includes, but is not limited to:

• Advice / Updates on current treatment cycle or planned/future treatment cycles
• Questions / Discussion about medications, treatment, diagnostic tests, and lab results
• Any measures taken/evaluated to improve treatment outcomes – supplements, diet, exercise, etc
• Seeking emotional support related to upcoming treatment, treatment outcomes, infertility diagnosis, and confirmed loss
• Commiseration and venting related to treatment
• Supporting and cheering on fellow members as they run the gauntlet of infertility treatments

Essentially, if you mention treatment, TTC, or family building measures – it goes in this thread.

A few notes:

• Positive HPT or Beta Results (including Beta Hell) should only be posted in the Results thread as per the rules (except for confirmed loss): https://www.reddit.com/r/infertility/search?q=flair_name%3A%22Results%22
• We recognize that the AM/PM distinction doesn’t match up with every time zone in our global community, we ask that you pick the most recently posted thread wherever you are.
• Standalone culture here is saved for complex topics, usually including detailed conversations around scientific studies, or asking multi-part complex questions around treatment plans. We strongly recommend posting in the community threads first. If you aren’t sure, ask in the daily threads first!

Above all - Science minded perspective and respect for others is important here. Please treat your fellow peers with compassion.