We can’t promise good food, hot coffee, or clean bathrooms, but we can promise familiar faces and old friends. This thread provides a sense of stability for those who have weathered many seasons together on this sub without success. To participate in this thread, you must meet the following guidelines:

1. You must have been an active member of r/infertility for at least 18 months, and you must have been active for the majority of that time. “Active” refers to your participation in this specific Reddit community (i.e. posting, not just lurking), not the length of time you have been in treatment or dealing with infertility. You can use the Arctic Shift to search your previous comments on the sub (your first comment should be at least 18 months ago). We understand and encourage mental health breaks from both treatment and online participation, and once you are designated as a Long Hauler, you do not lose that designation (unless #2 below applies to you). People who do not strictly meet these guidelines may be approved on a case-by-case basis. Send a modmail if you are not sure whether you qualify.

2. This thread is reserved for those who have not had success and are not currently experiencing success. If you have a living child or children, if you are pregnant, or if your partner or another person is carrying a pregnancy for you, the Long Hauler thread is not for you.

How are you doing? Where are you at in your journey these days? This is the space to commiserate and connect with other r/infertility long haulers.

This thread is a virtual space to participate in the annual October 15th Wave of Light in honor of Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day. At 7:00 p.m. local time across the globe, people light a candle for one hour to remember the babies we have lost. Whether or not you plan to participate this evening, this thread is a space for you to remember those you lost but will never forget. Share as much or as little about your baby(ies) or pregnancy(ies) as you’d like and we will bear witness to them with you. You are not alone in your grief. We walk beside you and we see you, today and every day.

Thank you to former mods u/Hattie_McGillis_Muro and u/Maybenogaybies for starting this tradition. May our community continue to come together for this annual moment of remembrance.

* This space is for those who have experienced pregnancy or infant loss; it is not a space to discuss failed transfers or aneuploid embryos, although we acknowledge the grief that comes with that as well. Those discussions are welcome in the daily Treatment threads.

* Reminder for those who have experienced or are currently experiencing success that primary comments are not allowed.