As salamu alaykum rahmatullahi barakatuh, ladies. The title pretty much says it all. This year has been incredibly challenging for me. I haven’t had a break since January, and I believe it’s finally taking a toll on me. My anxiety has gotten so bad and to the point where I feel unsafe going outside. My depression is even worse. I’ve only experienced a glimpse of happiness this year, and the rest has been a constant battle with sadness and depression.

Financial difficulties have been a significant burden this year. Last month, I hit rock bottom completely. I lost my job, and my car was stolen. I managed to get my car back, but everything inside was stolen. I’ve been living off my credit cards, and they are officially maxed out. I used to have almost $20,000 in my savings account, which allowed me to go anywhere and spend freely. However, I had to rationalize my money. I never imagined I’d have to choose between spending my last bit of money on food or gas for my car. I had only $100 left, and I needed to get an oil change. So, I spent an hour calling different places to find the cheapest option. I found a place that could accommodate my needs and called twice to confirm the price. When I arrived, the mechanic finished my oil change and informed me that the total would be $107. I started crying because that was all I had. I still needed gas and something to eat, but I had nothing.

The next day, my tire went flat, and the day after that, I got a $160 ticket.

It may seem like nothing to someone, but this is a lot for me. I’m all alone, and I’m all I have. I’ve fallen into a deep depression; it’s so overwhelming that I’ve contemplated and thought about taking my own life because I don’t think I can endure this much longer. Everyone says that Allah never gives a soul more than it can bear, but I think otherwise.

I just wanted to vent. Thank you for reading, and please pray for me.

AsSalamWalaikum!

I’ve been trying to find good quality ninja undercaps that are colored (not just brown, black, and white) and are cotton. I bought a set from Amazon before and they had a few different colors but it was more synthetic and VERY tight around the neck (no chin coverage). I like the ones in this picture cus it has the chin coverage and I think it’s better cus sometimes the hijab can slip back, does anyone know where to find good quality ones?? I’ve been rotating my few black ones consistently but want to invest in a few other ones. Also if anyone knows cheap underabayas (full sleeve please, not the ones that are sleeveless as abayas slip back and show the hand)?

JazakAllahum Khairan!

Dr. Anisa has written a whole book on women being left not fully divorced, and there are articles discussing the realities Muslim women face when trying to leave a marriage. Yet I feel like we still don't talk enough about why safeguards like tafwid al-talaq are treated as so controversial.

I want to hear from both women and men on this because I genuinely struggle to understand the resistance to this clause.

I am specifically talking about tafwid al-talaq being included in the nikah contract under circumstances such as abuse, neglect, or a husband taking a second wife. I am not talking about a blanket, unrestricted right to divorce. I am talking about giving a woman a way out in circumstances where the marriage has become harmful to her, particularly in countries like the US, Canada and Australia, where religious divorce can be complicated and a woman may not have access to a religious authority who will adequately represent her interests.

My question is simple: if you have no intention of abusing, neglecting or betraying your wife, why would you object to agreeing in advance that she can leave if you do?

If you genuinely believe in treating your wife with kindness, fulfilling her rights and protecting her wellbeing, wouldn't you want her to have a way out if you failed to do those things?

I understand that divorce is serious and that marriage contracts should not be taken lightly. But this clause is not saying that a woman will necessarily leave. It is saying that if certain serious circumstances arise, she will not be left completely dependent on her husband's willingness to let her go.

And this is where I struggle to understand the taboo.

Why is a woman asking for this protection sometimes treated as though she doesn't trust her future husband, is planning for the marriage to fail or is entering the marriage with bad intentions? Why isn't it equally reasonable for a woman to say, "I hope I never need this, but I want to know I won't be trapped if things go wrong"?

And honestly, when a man refuses this clause, what exactly is he afraid of?

If the answer is that he would never abuse or neglect his wife, then the clause should never need to be exercised. If the concern is that he might take a second wife and his first wife would not want to remain married under those circumstances, why should she not be allowed to make that boundary clear before the marriage?

I am not saying every man who refuses the clause has bad intentions. I want to understand the actual reasoning. Is it a religious concern? Is it fear of losing control over the divorce process? Is it the belief that the husband alone should retain that authority? Is it simply cultural conditioning, or is there a legitimate legal or practical concern that I am overlooking?

I especially want to hear from men who would personally refuse to include it. Please explain your reasoning rather than simply saying that a good marriage shouldn't need such a clause. Unfortunately, marriages can change, and good intentions at the beginning do not guarantee good treatment years later.

And I want to hear from women, too. Would having this clause make you feel safer entering a marriage, particularly if you live in a country where getting a religious divorce can be difficult? Have you ever asked for it and faced resistance?
I feel that we have normalised asking women to trust men completely while treating it as controversial when women ask for a safeguard in return.

Why should a woman have to prove that her marriage has become unbearable before people accept that she deserved an exit route in the first place?

Genuinely open to hearing your thoughts, especially from men who disagree. I want to understand the rationale behind accepting or refusing this clause, not just hear that it is unnecessary because everything will supposedly be fine.

due to some circumstances, I've been offered an amazing room with a group of married/single girls (their is only 2 males and they each have their own room with significant other, that the whole house is treated and used as 3 apartments).

my question would be they are Christian, would I be able to share cooking and eating utensils? I vaguely recall the prophet pbuh eating food prep by ppl of the book but he was a guest and I'm about to consider living with them.

what should I be doing?

i dont see much people in the muslim community talk about it enough. it is almost 2027, little girls and female teachers are forced to remove their hijab. why are we not making enough noise. i see people in Turkey talk about it on socials because same thing happened in Turkey in past but what about sisters and brothers from other countries?... i need everyone to talk more about it. this is truly so sad..

I am selling 7 piece hijabi set that I bought in canada and never used it. Everything is from Canadian brand I LOVE MODESTY.

Description:
Selling a beautiful hijab set from I LOVE MODESTY, a Canadian modest fashion brand.

The set includes:

• 2 jersey hijabs with tags (beige and silver grey)

• 1 chiffon hijab (smoke rose)

• 1 pink mesh undercap

• 2 tube bonnets (white and light grey)

• 1 set of no-snag hijab magnets

* Condition: All items are unused and in excellent condition. The two jersey hijabs still have their tags.

Original total value: Approximately €80 (120 CAD)

Selling price: €60 for the entire set or DM me for lower price.

You can also see listing on eBay (https://ebay.io/m/qdtQV5) or Vinted (https://www.vinted.si/items/10363962284-hijab-set-unused-7-pieces).

Can anyone recommend someone who can make a customised Saudi-style niqab for me? I want a specific design, including a soft band and a reversible, two-colour style. I’m looking for someone who can make it exactly to my requirements.

Please share any recommendations. Thank you!

Assalamualaikum

I don't have many Muslim friends in my area and I was wondering if anyone is interested in being friends I am a revert and could really use the support and help. My parents don't support Islam at all and it is kinda lonely

Things about me

I love nature, video games, photography, and reading

Assalamualaikum. I’m someone who’s struggled with self love and self acceptance for quite a while, and don’t really know how to grasp the concept of it. I can say it to myself as many times as I want that I love and accept myself, but without anything concrete to back it I can’t seem to believe it. My prayers are regular Alhamdulillah, but unfortunately I struggle a lot with negativity and pessimism. I try my best, and I truly do believe Allah SWT is the most merciful, loving and forgiving. I truly believe he wants what’s best for me. And yet I don’t believe I deserve it, as bad as it sounds. I have a humane bias towards it that tells me my sins are too much or too many to be forgiven, that I’m not the perfect Muslim, knowing full well the concept of a perfect Muslim is false. I’m not here to have a pity party thrown for me, but I’d really like to change my ways and thought process as I wholly believe Allah SWT is as his servant sees him. JazakAllah Khair. <3

Assalamu alaikum,

​I’m posting this because I’m quite worried about my mum's health lately. She’s developed a few health conditions recently, and I really feel that a big part of it is down to her being quite sedentary and inactive for too long.

​I’m really keen to help her get moving and active again, but she naturally prefers spaces that are women-only and culturally comfortable. **Her English isn't the strongest, so ideally I’m looking for something where Bengali is spoken** (or at least where she won't feel language barriers, like a friendly South Asian women's group).

​Does anyone know of any regular weekly events, social clubs, gentle fitness classes, or walking groups around the **Heathrow area** (e.g., Hayes, Hounslow, Southall, West Drayton, or nearby West London) that fit this description?

​Ideally, I want something beginner-friendly and social, so she can make friends and actually enjoy herself.

​If you know of any local community centres, charities, or women's groups catering to the Bengali community, please let me know. Jazakum Allahu khairan

Ok so I was thinking of getting this prayer dress but using the top only because I always trip over my dress while standing up from sujood, if I'm wearing a longer dress. I'm 5'2 and in the photo the model is 5'8 so do you think the top part would be enough coverage? I don't know how long the top part is but if its at least 48" it should be good and I'd just wear loose pants underneath.

Also does anyone have this and recommend it?

i started wearing the hijab when i was 14, and i was in an all girls muslim school, so it never felt weird. i absolutely loved my hijab and had so much confidence.

a month ago, i joined a new school. it’s more like ur average school, there’s the people that drink, do drugs, have sex etc etc. they wear revealing clothes and style their hair so pretty, it makes me feel so jealous. i wish i could do that. in no way am i judging them but i’m not used to seeing it, and i feel like an alien.

every morning when i put my hijab on for school, it feels like my light has been dimmed. like i feel a part of personality slip away from me and parts of me actually being covered up. i never feel like myself in it. i hate the way i look in it and the way i’m being perceived.

for a couple months, i haven’t really been strong with my faith either, so it’s hard to reassure myself that it’s for Allah and be strong etc etc because i just can’t feel a thing. i feel super disconnected to islam.

i used to not understand when people said hijab was really difficult, but in this new environment every second is a struggle. i so badly wish i could take it off but i would never - it feels like betraying myself, god, and i’d hate what people would say about me.

im a new revert and want to start wearing hijab sometimes im public but i get scared ill be judged or something and it makes me sad because i love wearing hijab

So I have a (non-Muslim) friend who I have been close to for a number of years. We have never had issues for the most part but lately she was upset with me of two things which is making me feel a bit unsure if I want to proceed with the friendship because of everything I am going through.

1. She was upset that I wished her happy birthday late, now no offence but we are almost 30 and I don’t think this is something so serious. I explained to her that I don’t celebrate birthdays anymore and it’s been a few years so I’ve become bad at birthdays. Also no one around me celebrates birthdays it’s only a thing that we do for kids now etc nieces and nephews. My little one birthday is also in the same week so I was prioritising that and getting everything ready and it slipped out my mind. I wished her happy birthday 3 days later. I explained this to her and she said she feels like I don’t value her as a close friend and I explained this all to her.

2. She misunderstood and clinged onto one sentence where she thought I said everyone thinks lighter skinned people are more attractive. Now I was talking about the south asian community and how the older generation thinks that now I don’t agree with this. I don’t agree with colourism at all. For context she is black so I was trying to talk about how I understand how society sees colourism and it’s shocking. I also was talking about how fragile female friendships are and I wanted to understand why, I said I feel like some women find it hard to be friends with other women who are prettier than them because of people saying mean things to them, this is something I observed in uni where I’ve seen friends compare themselves to other friends, I also mentioned how some girls may also find it hard to be friends with other girls who have louder personalities due to wishing they had the confidence again I explained why I said this was because I’ve seen friends at uni feel insecure about their personality because of this and feeling boring next to the loud friend. She thought I was in directing her and saying it about her because she’s cut of friends in the past that I know about. I explained I was not in directing her at all and just talking about female friendships. I said I went of on a tangent and just said rambling because we were talking about mummy issues and my experience of my relationship with my mum and then I just started talking about women in general. But she kept on clinging to a one sentence I said which was “ everyone can see it” where she assumed I meant everyone thinks lighter skinned people are prettier. I also said she got it all wrong and I’m defending my character and she said well I’m allowed to feel that way and you should validate how I feel.

To sum it up she thinks I’m looking at my friends and putting them in boxes of oh she’s pretty and oh she’s not pretty and also lighter skinned women are prettier . It’s upsetting that she thinks I think like that and I don’t know if I can be friends with someone who misunderstood me that badly even though she has known me for years and all because I worded one sentence wrong. I’m also in a difficult stage in my life and I don’t think I have the energy for a friendship like this.

A couple months ago, I took my shahada. I'm covered in tattoos (I'm talking neck and hands too). And I live in the deep south. I'm so worried about wearing a hijab and having visible hand tattoos. I'm worried about discrimination. I just feel so much fear but also have such a sincere desire to live out my beliefs. Does anyone here relate? Any advice is greatly appreciated. Thank you!

I feel suffocated. I haven't left the house in weeks because of it. I don't wanna go anywhere. I dont wanna do anything. I just wanna sit in my house in my clothing and stop life. I'm stuck rn on what to do. I dont wanna keep it on. I dont wanna go out with so much hatred in my heart. When I go out I just envy men and I feel terrible.

Trust me I've tried everything. Lighter hijab. Lighter cloth. Nothing worked

God I sound like a baby but I cant help but feel this way. Im sorry

Asm sisters,
I’m a 4th year engineering student (from india) and we had a change of principal, this new guy seems to be more strict and he’s set a dress code for exams.
And in that it’s mentioned that “layered clothes” and “scarves” are prohibited. I’ve worn hijab everyday of college and in every exam, the most that had happened was having to get my hijab checked.

During my last exams, twice this one invigilator refused to give me the paper because i was wearing the hijab, he asked me to remove it as it’s not a part of the dress code.
I insisted that i wear it, and that he can have someone check for chits or earphones.
He refused and later called the examination officer, i told him that it was a religious practice and that he can have someone check, and he let me go write the exam.
I lost about 15 mins of valuable time and the embarrassment and humiliation in front of my whole class. At least the incident didn’t go too bad.

But ever since i’ve had terrible anxiety around exams, that adds to my existing anxiety of the examination itself, lack of sleep, rigorous study, etc. Ive also had panicked attacks and my performance has suffered.

I have my 1st internals tomorrow, and the same circular was sent to us last week. I’m scared about creating a scene. Even more that the fact that i’ll need to remove my hijab i fear the confrontation with the invigilator in front of my class, and the looks and stares from people of my class (never seen me without hijab). I have so much anxiety about this that i can barely study.
And ik it seems silly to care what people think, but people talk, pass comments, etc and it affects me.
I’ve had some guys say that i look better without my hijab when they saw my id photo, and act all weird about it.
Besides i know some islamophobic people in my class that would have the time of their lives looking at me like that.

Please pray that these exams go well with no objections on my hijab (like it was for the past 3 years) and i won’t be humiliated. Inshallah these exams go easy and i keep my dignity 🤲

In the summer I have to wear these UV protection shirts if I don't I burn like a crisp I was wondering if anyone has good fashion or style tips I can't wear a second layer because I began to over heat (circulation issues) and I can't wear a abaya dew to work

I really need some tips on how to get my duas answered! What forms of Ibadah changed your life?. My mental health is really bad, seriously bad, I’m scared. I’m also scared what my mental health will be like during postpartum and I need any tips for dua maxing. I’m going through a lot. Fear of leaving cheating husband etc, currently pregnant living with in laws with a toddler. In a toxic environment with in laws. No support from family. Mum being horrible to me for wanting to leave. I unfortunately can’t go back to mums because her husband is a pedo and tried to perv on me when I was younger so living there is not a option. Idk what and how to do anything but I need strength.

Salaam,

I noticed today while I was washing my hair that I have a bald patch starting to form at my hairline. I have extremely thick hair, when I was little everyone would comment on how thick it was, so I was surprised and honestly really upset. I try to take very good care of my hair and it's always been the one thing I love most about myself.

I wear satin lined undercaps most of the time, and my hair is pretty short so I don't often put it in a tight bun. I immediately went and bought some hair oil that's supposed to be good for preventing breakage and making your hair stronger, but is there anything else I can do to prevent this? I wear a satin bonnet at night as well.

I know this isn’t about the hijab but I’m a hijabi

I finally thought I was over him. I finally thought I was over the man who I thought I’d marry and have kids with.

i met him online in Feb. I fell in love with him and he said he fell in love with me. we met once. We broke up once in early May due to my overthinking leading to falsely accusing him of something. I tried to sort things out and get him back, probably embarrassed myself by going back again and again, he politely and kindly told me to move on a few times and said he wished me the best. But I couldn’t. I adored him. Finally he agreed to meet me again and try and give us a chance and look past the accusation.

I remember him telling me how much it had hurt him and how it kept replaying in his head. He said he was just hurt I could accuse him of speaking to other girls when he’d done nothing but try and be a good man towards me. I put my head on his shoulder he put his head on mine. He held his hand out for me to hold. I put my hand onto his and he told me how ‘my hands were so small’. in that moment it was like none of the rest of the world existed apart from me and him.

He gave me a peck on my forehead as we sat side by side. And then he told me he was going to lie down on the grass. I lay down on his chest and he leaned in to k*** me. After we did that he asked if I felt pressured I said no, he kissed my forehead again. I said to him ‘you can’t leave now because you’re the only man I’ve ever done that with’. I stroked his face and just stared at him as I lay on his chest. I adored him. He was the only man I could ever want. I stroked his beard and said ‘I didn’t even realise u had a beard’ he smiled and said it’s a goatee. I never wanted the moment to end.

He told me he’d try and get over what I did. I just hugged him tightly and never wanted to let go. but I had to let go and make my journey home or I would’ve missed my train. he took me to the train station and I hugged him tightly again and kissed him again, he side hugged me as I got on the train. I didn’t know in that moment that it would be the last time I saw him. I thought we were back on track and I promised myself I would be different this time and never lose him again

I tried my best to control my overthinking and anxiety. He had lost his job so I gave him space, patience and tried to be better. The anxiety and overthinking was still there deep down but I couldn’t lose him again. A few weeks later he called me and said he can’t handle us anymore because hes got too much going on in his life and even messaging me once a week is taking up too much brain power. I sobbed. I really sobbed. But I let him go.

Since then I went back on marriage search. I even came accross brothers who gave me so much more than him, more time, more effort, and more interest and for a short while I thought to myself I was over him. I couldn’t believe that I had grieved him…

Until I started thinking about how he was so gentle with me and loving the first time I saw him. How he travelled far to see me and looked so excited the first time we met. How it was the first time I’d ever been bowling and he didn’t make me feel bad he taught me how to and took care of me, how he booked activities and just looked so happy to spend time with me. And then I think about the last time I saw him. How he told me how much I’d hurt him. How I lay in his arms and felt so safe. And then tears came down my face because he may not have been perfect but I really did love him and I hurt the man I loved. And I guess grief is a weird thing because the memories are so hard to let go of. I wonder if he ever thinks about us too. If he ever thinks about the moments we shared. Yeah we only met twice but those two times are ingrained in my brain.

He probably doesn’t think of me, maybe he’s even forgotten I exist. It’s strange because I don’t feel as devastated as I first did after losing him. I think it’s right what they say, time does heal but it doesn’t forget.

So when people say ‘Is it better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all’. I’d always say it’s better to never have loved at all. Because u can’t miss what u never had and i don’t think I can ever explain the lingering pain of grieving someone who’s still alive.

I think what’s worse is deep down I know he probably wasn’t right for me, I had to suppress my anxiety and overthinking to try and not lose him again and i still lost him. His late replies and broken promises weren’t good for my anxious mind but I don’t ever think he was malicious. Allah just didn’t write us together. I think he realised this before I did but I just didn’t want to let go.

the hardest part about our story is that I never intended to hurt him by falsely accusing him, my anxiety and overthinking got the better of me. And he never meant to hurt me by doing things that made me overthink, it was just who he was.

I hope one day I recieve a love that allows me to never think about him again.

please keep me in your prayers