As salamu alaykum rahmatullahi barakatuh, ladies. The title pretty much says it all. This year has been incredibly challenging for me. I haven’t had a break since January, and I believe it’s finally taking a toll on me. My anxiety has gotten so bad and to the point where I feel unsafe going outside. My depression is even worse. I’ve only experienced a glimpse of happiness this year, and the rest has been a constant battle with sadness and depression.

Financial difficulties have been a significant burden this year. Last month, I hit rock bottom completely. I lost my job, and my car was stolen. I managed to get my car back, but everything inside was stolen. I’ve been living off my credit cards, and they are officially maxed out. I used to have almost $20,000 in my savings account, which allowed me to go anywhere and spend freely. However, I had to rationalize my money. I never imagined I’d have to choose between spending my last bit of money on food or gas for my car. I had only $100 left, and I needed to get an oil change. So, I spent an hour calling different places to find the cheapest option. I found a place that could accommodate my needs and called twice to confirm the price. When I arrived, the mechanic finished my oil change and informed me that the total would be $107. I started crying because that was all I had. I still needed gas and something to eat, but I had nothing.

The next day, my tire went flat, and the day after that, I got a $160 ticket.

It may seem like nothing to someone, but this is a lot for me. I’m all alone, and I’m all I have. I’ve fallen into a deep depression; it’s so overwhelming that I’ve contemplated and thought about taking my own life because I don’t think I can endure this much longer. Everyone says that Allah never gives a soul more than it can bear, but I think otherwise.

I just wanted to vent. Thank you for reading, and please pray for me.

Dr. Anisa has written a whole book on women being left not fully divorced, and there are articles discussing the realities Muslim women face when trying to leave a marriage. Yet I feel like we still don't talk enough about why safeguards like tafwid al-talaq are treated as so controversial.

I want to hear from both women and men on this because I genuinely struggle to understand the resistance to this clause.

I am specifically talking about tafwid al-talaq being included in the nikah contract under circumstances such as abuse, neglect, or a husband taking a second wife. I am not talking about a blanket, unrestricted right to divorce. I am talking about giving a woman a way out in circumstances where the marriage has become harmful to her, particularly in countries like the US, Canada and Australia, where religious divorce can be complicated and a woman may not have access to a religious authority who will adequately represent her interests.

My question is simple: if you have no intention of abusing, neglecting or betraying your wife, why would you object to agreeing in advance that she can leave if you do?

If you genuinely believe in treating your wife with kindness, fulfilling her rights and protecting her wellbeing, wouldn't you want her to have a way out if you failed to do those things?

I understand that divorce is serious and that marriage contracts should not be taken lightly. But this clause is not saying that a woman will necessarily leave. It is saying that if certain serious circumstances arise, she will not be left completely dependent on her husband's willingness to let her go.

And this is where I struggle to understand the taboo.

Why is a woman asking for this protection sometimes treated as though she doesn't trust her future husband, is planning for the marriage to fail or is entering the marriage with bad intentions? Why isn't it equally reasonable for a woman to say, "I hope I never need this, but I want to know I won't be trapped if things go wrong"?

And honestly, when a man refuses this clause, what exactly is he afraid of?

If the answer is that he would never abuse or neglect his wife, then the clause should never need to be exercised. If the concern is that he might take a second wife and his first wife would not want to remain married under those circumstances, why should she not be allowed to make that boundary clear before the marriage?

I am not saying every man who refuses the clause has bad intentions. I want to understand the actual reasoning. Is it a religious concern? Is it fear of losing control over the divorce process? Is it the belief that the husband alone should retain that authority? Is it simply cultural conditioning, or is there a legitimate legal or practical concern that I am overlooking?

I especially want to hear from men who would personally refuse to include it. Please explain your reasoning rather than simply saying that a good marriage shouldn't need such a clause. Unfortunately, marriages can change, and good intentions at the beginning do not guarantee good treatment years later.

And I want to hear from women, too. Would having this clause make you feel safer entering a marriage, particularly if you live in a country where getting a religious divorce can be difficult? Have you ever asked for it and faced resistance?
I feel that we have normalised asking women to trust men completely while treating it as controversial when women ask for a safeguard in return.

Why should a woman have to prove that her marriage has become unbearable before people accept that she deserved an exit route in the first place?

Genuinely open to hearing your thoughts, especially from men who disagree. I want to understand the rationale behind accepting or refusing this clause, not just hear that it is unnecessary because everything will supposedly be fine.

AsSalamWalaikum!

I’ve been trying to find good quality ninja undercaps that are colored (not just brown, black, and white) and are cotton. I bought a set from Amazon before and they had a few different colors but it was more synthetic and VERY tight around the neck (no chin coverage). I like the ones in this picture cus it has the chin coverage and I think it’s better cus sometimes the hijab can slip back, does anyone know where to find good quality ones?? I’ve been rotating my few black ones consistently but want to invest in a few other ones. Also if anyone knows cheap underabayas (full sleeve please, not the ones that are sleeveless as abayas slip back and show the hand)?

JazakAllahum Khairan!

Asalamu alaikum beautiful hijabis

I am a college student and I am usually used to removing facial hair by threading (having someone else do it for me). However, I’m in college rn and it’s very hard to find someone to thread my face for me. It’s very difficult for me to do it for myself and I am worried about trying because if I can’t finish my entire face it’d look pretty bad. I’ve tried epilating before but it resulted in my breaking out very badly and my skin gets very red. I’m not keen on shaving or using chemical stuff on my face either. I just wanted to ask if anyone knows what i can do about this 😔 I don’t want to look like some hairy monkey

I’d appreciate any advice y’all have. Jazakum Allah Khairan!