r/funny • u/MrPaulBlart • 1d ago

Steven Wright reveals his favourite joke of all-time...

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660

u/CielRouge74 1d ago

TIL that Steven Wright is still alive.

My favorite joke of his. - I picked up a hitchhiker. For a while, we rode in silence. Finally, I said "Put your seatbelt on. I want to try something...I saw it in a cartoon, but I think I can do it."

443

u/KoalaTHerb 1d ago

"I was born by C-section... You'd never know just by looking at me. But when I leave my house, I go out the window"

180

u/l3ane 1d ago

"I was out in the desert and a UFO landed and these three 1 inch tall guys stepped out. They walked over to me and I said 'hey are you really 1 inch tall?' and they said 'no, we're just really really far away'".

34

u/Cadd9 16h ago

"...I tried hanging myself with bungee cord this weekend; I kept almost dying"

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u/rickny0 1d ago

I just laughed very loudly at this one. Scared the cat.

17

u/JerkGurk 1d ago

Ever seen Father Ted's one? https://youtu.be/MMiKyfd6hA0

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u/mburke6 1d ago

Mine is

>Last year we drove across the country. We switched on the driving... Every half mile... We had one cassette tape to listen to on the entire trip... I don't remember what it was.

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u/pungent_queefer 1d ago

“Right now I'm having amnesia and deja vu at the same time... I think I've forgotten this before.”

Also:

“I built a Time Machine, but it only goes forward in time at regular speed.”

83

u/SeldomSeen31 1d ago

"When I was a kid we had a quicksand box. I was an only child, eventually."

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u/cans-of-swine 1d ago

I have a map of the United States... Actual size. It says, 'Scale: 1 mile = 1 mile.' I spent last summer folding it.

22

u/Odogogod 1d ago

I think I’m missing the joke here.

13

u/uberrob 1d ago

The joke is they spent a long time in the car together listening to One cassette driving across country... How is it possible that he can't remember what it was?

26

u/kjermy 22h ago

It's a really stupid joke. But most of his jokes were really stupid.

And amazingly funny

"Uh oh, I lost a buttonhole"

13

u/uberrob 16h ago

I bought a new house. In one of the rooms in the house there's a light switch that doesn't do anything. Every so often I walk through the room and flick the switch just for fun . 3 months later I got a postcard from a lady in Germany saying "knock it off."

Gold.

1

u/Shevek99 21h ago

That's the joke? I'd say that "switched on driving" apparently meant that they were taking turns at the wheel, but in fact they were turning the cassette.

3

u/Swallagoon 15h ago

No, the joke is that they switched around the cassette every half mile so he never got a chance to listen to it properly.

3

u/bradbull 3h ago

2 of the all-time greats for me stick in my mind the most:

"I spilled spot remover on my dog.. now he's gone" and

"I bought some powdered water, but I don't know what to add"