Does anyone else imagine scenarios a but too well, and end up feeling awful and traumatized afterwards. It's always painful ones too, like being abandoned or even Raped. I don't why I do it, maybe theirs a lot more self hatred than I thought, or maybe I am just broken.

Welp, here we go I guess lol

Yes I’m aware this is like my 8th “am I actually trans though” post in two weeks. But I made a lot of progress in accepting and have now been yanked back.

Saw a post that was just a “I slept with your mom” joke but the setup was talking about how HRT would make you look like your mom, not the top OF models or waifu characters. And… like, look, I already knew this, but the bluntness of that post made me reflect on things. I don’t feel like I want to look like my mom. I don’t feel like I’d be happier looking like that. Now, my aunt/cousins on my dad’s side? Yeah I’d love to look like them. But I’d also prefer looking like Leon Kennedy to how I look now. And if my metric is “I want to be a woman, but only in a specific way, and I’d also probably be happier as a different form of guy,” then isn’t it more just self-hatred than being trans? I hate my body and have for a REALLY long time. And not in the “it should be a woman’s body” way, in the “I’m fat and ugly” way.

I don’t know. If any has advice for differentiating these feelings I’d appreciate it.

Just epilated for the first time and I'm in love with how smooth I am but holy shit that was agony.

Album artwork for a DarkSynth album I've become obsessed with gave me gender Envy so I made a meme about it.

so i think my egg was thanos snapped yesterday but i have no clue. but like i don't feel like i'm trans but also i don't feel like i'm cis but i do feel like i'm cis like all at the same time and it's confusing aaaaa

at least my friend group is supportive :)

I have to come out in college, and I don't know what to expect...

For context, I (FtM) haven't started the transition process yet, and I figured out just four months ago. I have a year and a half of my degree program left, but I’ve started worrying about my legal name, as official certificates are being generated, which will be an issue, and I’m already thinking about my diploma and the hassle of having to change it later. I discussed it with the university directives, as my therapists suggested, and they were very respectful and understanding; however, I was advised to legally change my name so it would be updated in the records, and they offered to draft a letter for my faculty; but that would mean outing me to my classmates and professors, and I don't feel at all ready for that! Everything is going too fast…

In my field, we’re expected to have an open mind since we’ll be working with people and dealing with cases like this, and I get along with my classmates pretty well, teachers see me as a good student, but I’m afraid things might get awkward, and I don't know how open-minded everyone really is. Also, I didn't exactly give off many signs, other than being a bit reserved or socially awkward, so I don’t know how they’ll take it; I hadn't even told my best friend, I’m planning to tell her first. Has anyone else been through this? How did you handle it?

Originally wanted to post this in said discord server until I realised I couldn’t send images in there so I decided to repurpose it for this subreddit :)

I’m pretty sure in trans

I wanna be a girl so badly but I can’t do anything feminine cause everyone in my family is transphobic

I also wanna start hrt but my broke ahh can’t afford it

HAPPY SPOOKY MONTH (im going to do makeup, shave, and be very pretty)

I feel so excited!!!!

I just had to listen to my mom and my brother argue about trans issues for an hour straight. My mom is the textbook stereotype of a Terf, she never uses my brother's preferred pronouns, thinks trans women merely existing in female spaces somehow makes them a threat, thinks trans people having a high rate of depression diagnosis is "propaganda", and she's still a harry potter fan (as you can see in the attached image she gave me these harry potter themed sweets one time that were complete trash BTW)

It sucks having to put up with this, can I get some GGD please (Abigail She/Her)

i just started hrt a week ago but my family still dosent know im trans, my mother and stepfather are very closed minded and said some very transphobic comments over dinner last night. she also keeps criticizing the ways iv feminized myself like my voice and mannerisms, and that makes me doubt myself sometimes. i just want to go back to my friends at school :(

(Art is by Sharlene Yap, you should check her stuff out!)

So, I first came out to a friend about a week ago, and despite a good few hiccups, I think the egg may have actually broken. Now, I've been considering names, and I think I'm ready to try them out, and maybe get some feedback!

My original idea for a name was Agnes. We do have a cat named Agnes, which feels a little weird, but I think I could make it work. more recently though, I've started thinking of the name Myla. I asked for some GDD a few days ago under this name, but I'm still trying to decide if I like it better.

Myla is VERY close to my deadname, so much so that they actually share their British and Latin roots( They both mean "Merciful Soldier," which I've always thought was a cool sort of dichotomy). I do really like the name, and I kind of like that it sort of gives a continuation of my past self. But will I continue to feel that way? Since I first came out, I've experienced dysphoria about an increasing number of things and my deadname doesn't *really* bother me, but IDK if that'll change in the future. I've also heard a lot of people say it sounds made up or is a "tragedeigh," Which I know isn't true, but still feels kinda weird.

Anyways, thank you for listening to me yap, I think I'm ready now for some GDD, along with some feedback, good or bad, on names. Myla, She/They :)

Average UK health care experience

To clarify some things:

1. The friend I was talking to (let's name him friend 1) doesn't know that I have a crush on the other friend (friend 2).
2. Friend 2 is obsessed with goth girls.
3. I texted friend 1 that I'm questioning my gender like 4 weeks ago but now I'm more convinced that I'm a girl and I haven't talked to him since then.
4. Friend 1 has a girlfriend.

Hia everyone, Its my first post from linux mint! :3

anyway onto the slightly worse things like it feels like my dad doesn't care about me or see me as his daughter, its also the main thing keeping me from coming out to my brother, the fear of my dad making fun of me for wearing fem clothes or making fun of my voice training progress, it gives me so much anxiety. I am still planning to come out to my brother this weekend but idk ive said that before. honestly at the moment it feels like my friends mum cares more about me than my own parents I wish i was joking. at least im not suicidal to the point of considering how to do it, ive been down that dark rabbit hole before. University and my 18th birthday cant come soon enough because once im 18 i can get hrt with informed consent and ill be already socially transitioning cause im moving 6 hours away from home, its much easier to start when no one knows you as deadname there.

anyway idk why im even making this post, its late and im going to bed. of you have encouraging words, ggd or advice please comment also feel free to ask questions- i will answer eventually

This might be long but I just wanted to rant. Ever since I thought I may be trans back in April I kind of just ignored it honestly, despite the signs I saw and I just assumed that it was some kind of phase. But recently I went to go see Mya in concert with one of my friends and it was fun but there were a lot of cosplayers there, mainly women and honestly seeing them made me feel a little sick. I saw their outfits and I just know that I could never wear the same things. I ended up taking a picture with them and I could barley even look at the photo seeing how tall and broad I was compared to them. And honestly I font want to be like this, I wish I could live normally

*This is a repost. I changed the meme a bit.

This is a follow-up to this post I made a few days ago

So I have been lurking on this subreddit for some time now because:

1. I deeply admire trans people because they are brave enough to know who they are, unapologetically admit who they are, and become their authentic selves, even though society punishes them heavily for it. I doubt I will ever have that courage
2. I always knew something was up with my own gender. I have felt pretty disconnected from my masculinity and have been questioning for quite some time now. The post I made was to experiment with feminine pronouns, which I liked a lot. I appreciate you all for leaving kind and encouraging comments.

Now let me address the first point of the meme:

There are many signs that I might be transfem. My dysphoria peaked when I was still in school, so many of these signs do not impact me that much anymore now that I'm in online school. I'm a minor btw

1. I dislike being called by masculine pronouns and words, especially when they come with "implications". For example, I hated when people told me that "you must do this thing because you're a masculine young man". Instead, I liked being called a girl and by she/her pronouns. Although it pretty much only happened online, I enjoyed it a lot when it happened. From my perspective, she/her and girl are cuter words than he/him and man, so I just like them more. Getting called by these words makes me feel like a cutie patootie.
2. Even though I had no friends, I hated the male culture at my school and seemed to resonate more with the female students. The culture of male friend groups seemed to revolve around sports, aggression, and competition, which was extremely repulsive to me. Female social circles were more affectionate, respectful, supportive, academically inclined, and caused way less drama. This made female social circles much more appealing to me, but since I was still unfortunately a dude whose confidence was strained by autism and dysphoria, I never actually connected with them.
3. I hated being perceived as too masculine. I literally searched up stuff like "feminine body language" on r/MtF and r/feminineboys. Having feminine mannerisms (according to reddit) made me feel better in public.
4. Dysphoria pt. 1 — Face. I couldn't stand my face in public. I felt extremely awkward whenever I saw my own face in anything. It felt like something was wrong with it that I couldn't pin down. I perceived my face extremely negatively; every single facial expression made me feel like a weirdo. This eventually led to me starting to wear a face mask in public, which made me feel much better. I felt uncomfortable whenever I didn't have a mask or was forced to take it off. I remember that the worst school days were the ones when I forgot to wear a mask.
5. Dysphoria pt. 2 — Voice. I hate my current masc voice, so I recently started getting into voice feminization training, which resulted in a sore throat for some reason. So I can't voice train right now. Same as facial dysphoria, every vocalization I made felt awkward and improper. I was really jealous of feminine and "gay" voices because these voices were more energetic, expressive, and bright.
6. Dysphoria pt. 3 — height, shoulder width, hand size, & feet size. I like being small. I wish I was shorter, had thinner shoulders and chest, and smaller hands and feet. Even though I'm just 167 cm tall.
7. Dysphoria pt. 4 — body hair. I HATE BODY HAIR SO MUCH. I wish I could just laser all my body and facial hair. Before I started shaving, I never wore shorts because I was disgusted by my leg hair. Now I shave my body hair which made me feel much better, but I am still not wearing any shorts.

Now on why transitioning isn't worth it to me

1. transphobia: my parents are extremely transphobic. My mother is a devout evangelical christian so it's pretty obvious what she thinks about trans issues. I am forced to go to her transphobic church every Saturday with her. My father is not religious — he's just a giant bigot for the love of the game. He once said there are only 2 unforgivable things that I can do — drugs, and homosexuality. And I'm pretty sure "homosexuality" also includes transitioning. Both of them will go crazy if I do anything too feminine, like wearing feminine clothes or makeup. I literally have to hide the fact that I shave my body hair from them out of fear that they might see it as too gay or some bs like that. So right now, even if I were trans, I wouldn't be able to do anything about it. If I eventually do transition as an adult I would have to ensure that I am financially independent and then go full non-contact with them. I'm not sure if that's worth it because going non-contact will hurt their feelings a lot.

the world is also pretty fucking transphobic. I plan to live in the US as an adult, which voted in Trump as president. If I do transition, I would be a trans person in a sea of transphobes, which is definitely going to be unpleasant.

1. I'm a fucking coward. Previously I mentioned that I admire trans people strongly for their courage. I don't think I can ever have that courage. I'm very obedient, I hate taking risks, and I couldn't even tell my parents that I'm shaving my body hair. If I can't even do that, how would I ever have the courage to present in a non-conforming way, let alone transition?

2. Passing. It's pretty hard for transfems to pass, from what I have heard. I'm convinced that most transfems I'm seeing on the internet are the minority that pass very well. If I transition, I'll probably be in the majority that don't pass, causing me to simply look like an ugly man in makeup and skirt. Which to me is worse than just staying cis.

3. Boobs. I don't want to have boobs. I feel like they would be uncomfortable and inconvenient. I like having a flat chest.

Because of the reasons listed above, I feel like transitioning isn't worth it and it's just better for me to be a cis guy. So even if I'm transfem "internally" it doesn't matter because I'm not gonna actually transition anyways

So yeah. My rant is over. Thank you for reading to this point. This is probably much longer than most egg_irl posts, and I'm really sorry for that.