Recently there has been a few comments on here that seem really off.

I posted about being disappointed with something that had happened and one response was

‘What’s the point of this thread?’

And the latest post where someone was happy with a hookup they’d had. This one had just such mean comments.

Surely in a place called Dating over fifty we can share good or bad things that are happening?

Not just asking for advice? Or saying how awful certain apps are.

Can’t we be happy for someone or sympathise with them if they’re sad?

Am I missing the point?

things just got...interesting...again.

hung out with a few female friends last night.  one of them a soccer mom from when our kids played together now 10 years ago (they played together for about 10 years)

we have always had a nice friendship and i always had a little crush on her...about a month ago we kissed but she told me the next day she wanted us to maintain a friendship and not go down that path

oops
she invited me over for a night cap last night.  and what a night cap it was.  and a morning cap.  :)

now...what?  we didn't talk about it.  are we going to be FWB?  does she want to keep seeing me?  does she want to try a relationship?

don't know.  i'm up for maybe any of it. 

but it was so hot.  and warm.  and sweet.  and fun.   

she had not been with anyone for several years. 

she did not forget whatever she used to know how to do.  :)  :)  :)

Why? Why do some men think it’s acceptable to sexualize a potential partner before they’ve even met them? I’ve been talking to a match on hinge and he keeps talking about me like I’m a piece of meat. Like, get to know me first. Why do they do this? I’ve asked them to stop but they think they’re being flirty. It’s a turn off.

Wondering if there is any specific post date etiquette. Let me explain.

I ( 55m) went on a date with a (51f ), we met for drinks about 10-15 minutes from our respective homes.
I had made a reservation at a nice wine bar, that is pretty relaxed and low key.
I thought the date went well overall, but I wouldn’t say spectacular. Conversation was easy, lots of similar things, kids of almost the exact same age. So, it was good overall.
We had ordered drinks, and when the first round came they asked if we wanted any food, it was 8pm, she said yes and ordered a dish. I had eaten but didn’t want to be weird so I got something small. After the wine was done we were offered another and she said yes and I agreed. The date lasted 2 hours. I paid for the drinks and the food. Again, it was good.

Then as we are leaving her phone is dead. She was taking an uber. So, I ordered one for her. I suggested she doesn’t use her home address as it would then be on my phone, she used bodega a block away. I waited for her Uber to arrive. Very quick hug and that was the night.

I never heard from her again. Most of the dates I have had even if not interested thank me for the drinks etc. I think when it’s not a match both people know, which is good. On this one, I heard nothing. So, I honestly assumed that she wasn’t interested.

Then about 3 weeks later we run into each other both on dates ( not at the same spot lol )
We see each other and we make pleasantries.
We carry on with our nights.

Then that night she texts me;

How was your date?

Me- it was good

She’s pretty

Me- she’s great.

Are you dating her?

Me- yes early stages.

Nice

Me- thanks how was your date?

It was shit, had high hopes.

Me- ugh that sucks.

Why didn’t yku ask me out again?

Me- I didn’t hear from you after the date and I honestly thought it wasn’t bad but not a fit.

I sort of expect a follow up from men

Me- ok

I’m slightly annoyed

Me-?

You could have just sent me a note.

Me- just didn’t get that feeling, even at the end of the night

I suck at this

Me- no you don’t. Early dating is hard.

Good luck with that “chick”

Me- no reply.

Thoughts on if I should have followed up? It wasn’t flirty really and honestly I think if someone gets you a ride home, it could be met with an after the fact thank you, even if it’s the right thing to do.

Edit to add- because people are speculating when she said her phone was dead, I said; “I’ll order you one from my phone” She said; “great, appreciate it”. That was it.

I've been separated for 2 years now, living alone for 18 months, doing all the post-relationship things like addressing physical and mental health, staying focused and becoming a generally better, healthier person. This is all good. Wish I'd done more of it a long time ago. I'm in a decent headspace these days.

It does help that my ex and I are on very good, amicable terms. We're actually good friends, we just realized things weren't right and weren't going to be after some therapy and really long, difficult discussions. So we threw in the towel and wish each other well, we remain business partners on the house. Both of us are thankful for this level of grace.

However, legally, we are still married. The divorce is in process and should be complete in the next two months or so. Nothing is contested so no reason for concern there.

But it's still a red flag to re-enter the dating pool, right? At least, I know a lot of men wouldn't have a problem with her still being legally married, but I've got a sense - more like an assumption - that I'm radioactive until the divorce is final. Is that generally correct?

I am new to the apps. Going slow. Getting to know people and going on a few dates. So forgive please my vaguely anti-social, newbie question.

If one of these new fellas asks me what I’m doing that evening (not to get together just conversationally), I wouldn’t want to say “oh I’m going out on a date”. I also don’t feel like lying and making something up. It’s just a polite question so - do most of you just say “out with friends?”

If they then ask “oh like a date?” What then?

And yes. It has occurred to me that I lack sufffient communication skills. This is new information and I’m working on it.

I haven’t dated in over 6 years— looking for feedback and/or advice 🙌🏼

Backstory: I was married young— husband and I were married for 8 years. We had two kids, our eldest having Down syndrome. Sadly, my husband passed away when our kids were just toddlers, so I became a young widow. But, I raised them— my youngest finished university & is an architectural engineer living out on her own.

My son (late 20’s w/DS) who lives with me is very high functioning. He does not have “behaviors” of any kind. To the contrary; he has a job, a girlfriend, and an extremely busy social life. He plays several sports; some through special Olympics & other leagues, & some regular organizations. He is on an ice hockey team and recently learned to surf (that’s his new favorite). His best friend since grade school is a firefighter & they still hang out together 💚. My point is, my son is busy, has a provider who drives him to most of his activities, and lives a full/happy life.

In the 20+ year period since my husband’s death, I’ve had two long term boyfriends, with my last relationship ending March 2020. I know I’ve become stuck in a bit of an isolation-mode since then, especially when it comes to dating and men. I’ve had zero interest/desire to date again. I ended my last relationship after staying far too long when it had been toxic for too long. After that, being single felt great. To be honest, I love being single. But, I’m thinking of POSSIBLY putting myself out there in some capacity, haha. (Probably not OLD, but maybe join a meetup running group or another meetup community.)

Please be nice 🙏 . This is my first post here. After being alone for the last 6 years, I feel different about it all. I really haven’t had much experience “dating” in general.

Lastly, I definitely don’t feel my son defines me/my life, so while I don’t think it should be the first thing out of my mouth when I meet someone, I also know it probably will be because I’m very open! 💁🏻‍♀️and I’d rather not waste my time or anyone else’s if they didn’t want that in their life. Sorry so long!

I (M51) am divorcing after a 25+ year marriage; the divorce is quite amicable. My soon to be ex and I hyphenated our last names when we married. I'm in the US, so this is not typical, especially for a guy. At this point, I've used the hyphenated version longer than my "maiden" name, I've built a career and have a professional reputation based on the hyphenated name, and my kids have the name. For these reasons, I'm leaning towards keeping the hyphenated name post-divorce.

I've not started dating yet and won't for several more months until (at least) the divorce is final. But I'm curious - would anyone see the name issue as a red flag that I'm somehow still attached to my ex?

I'm 58M, she's 56F. We've been together a little over nine months and it's going really well. Both divorced, both have adult children, neither interested in rushing into another marriage.

Her son is getting married next month. I've met him and his fiancée a handful of times. Nice people. They invited me to the wedding, which I was genuinely happy about.

Last night my girlfriend was talking about the wedding arrangements and casually mentioned that I'd be standing with her for the family photographs.

I asked if her son had actually requested that.

She looked surprised and said, "Well, of course you'll be in the pictures. You're coming with me."

I said something along the lines of, "I'm happy to take pictures with you, but I'm not sure I should be in the formal family ones. That's probably something your son and his fiancée should decide."

The atmosphere changed immediately.

She asked whether I was embarrassed to be seen as part of her family.

Absolutely not.

Then she asked whether I thought our relationship wasn't going to last.

Also no.

But I couldn't quite explain why the idea made me uncomfortable without sounding like I had one foot out the door.

Here's the thing. I really care about this woman. I can see us being together for a long time. We've met each other's friends, spent holidays together, and talked seriously about what we'd like the next several years to look like.

But nine months is still nine months.

Her son has known me for less than a year. I'm not his stepfather, I didn't help raise him, and I'm certainly not entitled to a permanent place in photographs from one of the biggest days of his life.

My girlfriend said she just wants me standing beside her. Her ex-husband will be there with his new wife, and she doesn't want to feel like she's attending her own son's wedding alone.

That part I understand. And of course I'll be beside her during the ceremony, dinner, dancing, everything.

I just hadn't considered that being in the family portraits might carry that much meaning for her.

For what it's worth, I would happily be included if her son and his fiancée wanted me there. I simply don't want them feeling obligated because their mother's boyfriend expects to be treated like immediate family.

We didn't have a huge fight. She said she understood my point, but I could tell she was hurt.

Now I'm wondering whether I'm making a big deal out of something that doesn't need to be complicated.

Those of you who started serious relationships later in life, how did you handle being included in important family events before you'd really become part of the family?

Is there a point where being cautious about your place in someone's life starts looking like you're unwilling to take that place at all?

I’m feeling very upset with myself. I am not trying hard to date anyone. I’m not actively in pursuit of someone to share my life with. I’m open to meeting people though, in real life. If something happens, wonderful. My life is peaceful and meaningful without a partner. 

Recently I reconnected with a person who lives in another country. We had a brief love affair during some travel I did in my thirties. 

That time was fun and wonderful in many ways. He is a little younger than me (46) and I’m 50. He comes across as a lovely person. However, he has wanted to sext with me and I’ve entertained that a couple of times, only to feel absolutely miserable afterwards. It feels devoid of anything real and I feel like I’m too old to be sexting with someone!  Yesterday I felt so awful thinking about it. It’s not that I’m a prude, I’m open minded about things of a sexual nature, but I felt so terrible that I never want to communicate with him again. I think it’s because I wasn’t completely honest and got caught up in making him happy without checking in with myself. Maybe it’s because years ago, I often used to try to make a man happy but felt used afterwards because I wasn’t taking responsibility for what I needed and wanted. I’m not blaming him, I’m trying to understand why I feel so angry with myself for forgetting that what I feel is important too.  I thought I’d grown up a bit and could express myself. Instead I got caught up in something mildly entertaining that also felt empty. I tried to forgive myself last night and that helped but I still feel really upset about it. Your advice or perspective would be appreciated.

And I've completely moved on, changed cities and new job. It was kind of a mutual fade where I noticed I was doing most of the initiation towards the end. When I stopped, he went silent. It was puzzling because he was very consistent at the beginning.

The truth is, it only lasted 3 months (where he said wasn't ready for exclusivity/ getting off the apps).

His message was detailed, apologies for the disappearing act, asking to fly to my city bla bla. I was courteous and respectful. No bitterness or anger, I just wished him well in his journey. I'm on a completely different life trajectory now. I've been completely busy with my new life.

He joked that he'd need to find someone else to take on a Broadway show, and I encouraged him to try the dating apps. He said it wasn't easy to do that.

Anyone with stories of ghosts returning and what happened next??

56M here, dating app virgin reporting on my first-week experience! Apps didn’t exist last time I was single. A few observations, no judgement, leave the flame thrower at home. Doing this for the laughs only! Can’t take all of this seriously.

- Height is still a discriminating factor: got promptly unmatched on my first one, when asked to confirm my height! Yes, I’m still short with no hope of getting any taller at my age, probably the opposite coming soon! 😛

- Most women in profiles I’ve seen this week either look sad or depressed, very few smiles or hints at happiness. Some look outright angry or possessed by mean spirits. I promptly swiped left before they could steal my soul or drain away my happiness!!

- What’s up with profiles with only pictures of beaches, coffee cups, red wine, dogs/cats or some fancy meal but no faces? I’m looking for a date, not dinner!

- I know we’re all trying to look our best despite getting older, but it’s funny how there’s always one recent picture hidden among the 5 to 10 year old ones that reveals how they really look today. Gotcha!

- Why all the duck faces? Why? Are you looking to market some kind of lip filler? Not buying!

- Probably a local thing but why so many teachers/educators? I do have a theory, my ex being one of them…

- Funny/troubling seeing the dating profile of a former colleague/ still good friend on Bumble and finally understanding why she’s been single for over 10 years. Showing off her crossfit 6-pack abs is probably making most dad-bodied men jealous… Sad considering she’s smart, good looking and already retired at 50! Quite a catch!

- Why is Facebook Dating trying to convince me I would be better off looking for friends, not dates? Is it trying to tell me I’m only good for the “friend zone” I heard about?

- I live in a large metro area with about 4M people in a 50-mile radius. I am casting a pretty wide net with very few deal breakers. How come the apps have all already ran out of profiles and already recycling the ones I swiped left on already? Do you have to pay even more money to get to the good or happy ones? Are they gatekeeping those?!?

- Funny how some women are using cleavage as men bait on their first picture with barely a hint of a face! Why be so obvious with the downward selfie? Yes, it works 😏 for our lizard brains but please leave something for the imagination, don’t freely give it all out in your first picture!

- Got a few matches and tried to get the conversation going but got no replies unless I dared them to unmatch me after 2 days. Sound like a game that could be entertaining going forward. Yes I know they get dozens per day compared to my paltry single-digit matches a week in but what about showing interest and “instant” messages?

Again, just a few observations on my first week, as a 56M dating app newbie, just for the laughs! No flame throwers please!

Hi,new here.54f divorced for 7 years after 14 year marriage.

I took it slow with dating in general and just had a breakup after a one year relationship.

I initiated the breakup but boy does it hurt.

Know we had no future and he was not good for my emotional health and peace (avoidant and neurodivergent, good person but nil awareness of my emotional needs and very selfcentered ).

It is the illusion of what could have been I mourn but despite knowing it was just an illusion it hurts so much.

I lierally feel like detoxing not like being heartbroken.

So here I am typing to fellow over 50's who might have been in similiar situations 🙂

Background: I basically gave up on having a serious relationship after a breakup in my mid-30s. It had been serious and we were talking marriage, kids, but after seeing me through an episode of clinical depression he didn't want to do that again and we broke up. I dated casually for a few years, but nothing serious. When I moved to a new state, I decided to take a break from dating for a year or two. Well the year or two has turned into 20. I've done a lot of work in therapy over the years and now I am interested in getting back out there.

Would my not having dated in so long be a red flag? What would your questions be for me?

Update: Thank you all for your honest answers. I'm encouraged!

I'm 52 I've tried multiple dating apps but as I'm a sober man I'm finding it difficult to find someone who doesn't just want to share a bottle of wine with me on the first date. Don't get me wrong I'm not against anyone drinking but for me I just don't, so I'm running out of options. I just want to find happiness again I've through alot the last few years and live in hope.

If you are single 50+, purely from a dating perspective, I honestly think it is better to be obese and in poor health. I feel being in poor health greatly increases your dating pool. It becomes much easier to find and meet "your type" of person. There is literally unlimited supply of people in poor health in their 50's at least in the US.

I (58f) get hit on all the time by younger men. Anywhere from 30s + but mainly in their 40s.

Sometimes it's obvious they only want sex but sometimes it's hard to tell if they're looking to actually date or just to hookup.

I usually go for men around my age range, but they all seem so much older and don't take care of themselves. (I'm attractive, active, good health, take care with my health and appearance and have been told I look way younger than I am.)

The youngest I've been out with (and the youngest I'd probably go for) is 10 years younger. Ive had a casual on/off thing with him for a year now, but we've never slept together. I'm not a hookup type of person, but he's a widow and not ready for a relationship. I think he just enjoys the company and attention. It's clearly not going anywhere.

It's always in the back of my mind that in 2 years I will be 60 years old. That would put the man in his 40s-50s and me in my 60s. I feel like that's getting a bit much for most men.

Would you, as a man consider a relationship like this, or do you think most men are just living in the moment with what is right in front of them wanting a hookup?

Have any of you dated older women? 90% of the men that approach me are in their 40s-50s and this truly intrigued me.

I have gained weight over the last few years and gave up on dating. I am in the process of losing weight and have another 25 lbs to reach my goal weight of 205 lbs (I am 6'3"). I have lost about 25 lbs and feel so much better and have more confidence but still have a noticeable belly.

Am I rationalizing things in that I feel most men 50+ are carrying an extra 15-20 lbs and have a belly. Am I correct there, ladies? I am just wondering if at 6'3" and 215-225 I would be seen as overweight still.

This is a post about what I I've learned about dating, myself, and finding the right person.

TL;DR (because this is very long):

1. Don't linger in the yellow zone. When some part of you knows you aren't fully aligned on the things that really matter, pay attention. Stop trying to convince yourself otherwise.
2. REALLY know what you're looking for. Not the superficial checklist stuff, but the things that light up your whole being. What makes you laugh, brings you peace, stimulates your brain, makes you feel genuinely appreciated, and yes, creates some fireworks.
3. Get out into the world. Yes, you can absolutely meet someone on the apps. But in the meantime, diversify your social life. Find like-minded people, take the pressure off dating, enjoy living your life...and you may inadvertently find a romantic interest when you least expect it. (Yes, I just used that cliché. Haha.)

***

I've been on this sub for a few years now, with varying levels of active participation, but I've been a pretty consistent reader.

And one thing I've noticed is how the same conversations cycle through here. How difficult it is to find someone (and it IS difficult). Whether you can find someone who wants the same kind of relationship you do (cue the passionate LAT vs. cohabitation vs. marriage debates). Whether early chemistry is a good thing or a warning sign. And, of course, where on earth we're supposed to find this elusive person. OLD? In the wild? Singles events? Matchmakers?

So here's my story about finding someone I think may very well be my person...and, more importantly, how I think I got here.

I'm not suggesting my journey is the right one for everyone. Far from it. But I've had a few epiphanies over the past year, particularly the last couple of months, that have really changed how I view my dating journey and finding love.

And those realizations are what I want to share. This isn't really a story about how I met him. It's about what I learned along the way, and why that matters.

A little background:

I'm 55F, divorced in 2020 after an 18-year marriage, and started actively dating again in 2023.

Over the past three years, I've had two relationships that lasted around 6–8 months each. In between, plenty of first dates, false starts, and shorter dating situations that lasted a few weeks to a couple of months or so.

With one exception, I met all these men through dating apps. This past spring, I also met someone at an in-person singles mixer. Plenty of chemistry, but ultimately we weren't on the same life path, and I ended it once I recognized that.

Which brings me to...

Epiphany #1: Pay attention to the yellow zone. And learn when to get out.

Here's the thing about nearly every man I dated, whether for a few weeks or several months: I knew fairly early that something wasn't quite the right fit.

Red flags? I was actually pretty good at recognizing those and walking away.

But yellow flags? Oh, those were harder.

I would tell myself I was being too picky. That I should give things more time. That I needed to be more flexible, more open-minded, more understanding. That maybe my expectations were too high.

I could come up with all kinds of perfectly reasonable explanations for why I should keep going.

Meanwhile, that little feeling that something wasn't right just kept simmering beneath the surface.

And here's what I've learned: There's a difference between giving someone a genuine chance and trying to talk yourself into a relationship.

I'm not talking about the early neutral zone, when you're still getting to know someone and genuinely haven't formed an opinion. That's different.

I'm talking about when you've identified something meaningful that doesn't align with what you want, but you keep rationalizing it because the person is otherwise perfectly nice, attractive, interesting, or whatever else.

It's not about being too picky. It's not a judgment of the other person. They may be absolutely wonderful.

They're just not necessarily wonderful for you.

Over these three years, I've gotten progressively better at recognizing that distinction. And each time, I've spent less time lingering in the yellow zone.

I consider that real progress.

My takeaway: Don't confuse being open-minded with negotiating away things that genuinely matter to you.

Epiphany #2: Learn from the yellow zone, refine what you're looking for, and know what YOU bring to the relationship.

Every dating experience that didn't work out taught me something.

Sometimes it clarified what I wanted. Sometimes it showed me what I absolutely didn't want. And occasionally, I apparently needed to repeat the same lesson a few times before it stuck. Haha.

Maybe I'm the only person who needed this much education after a long marriage, but wow, the learning curve was steep.

When I first started dating three years ago, I genuinely thought I knew what I wanted in a partner.

Looking back, I really didn't.

I think I was still carrying some scars from my marriage. I was influenced by that idealized picture of a partner that society subtly sells us. And frankly, I was a little naive about what actually makes a relationship fulfilling.

Over the last year, though, something has really crystallized for me.

I know what lights up my heart, my brain, and yes, my libido. All three matter to me.

I know the kind of connection that makes me feel peaceful and excited at the same time. The kind of person who makes me laugh, challenges me intellectually, and makes me feel appreciated and understood.

But just as importantly, I've learned what I bring to the table.

What kind of partner am I? How do I make someone else feel loved, appreciated, intellectually engaged, and desired? Can I show up as my full, authentic self, without editing parts of my personality to make a relationship work?

Because I've realized something else: It's not just about finding someone who checks your boxes. It's about finding someone with whom you can both be your best, most authentic selves.

If I don't feel comfortable being fully myself, or if the other person doesn't genuinely appreciate who that person is, something important is missing.

And if the emotional, intellectual, and physical connections aren't all there, I've learned that, for me, it ultimately isn't the right relationship.

That's not everyone's formula. But it's mine.

And knowing that has made dating decisions so much clearer.

Epiphany #3: Get off the apps (at least some of the time) and go live your life.

Now, before anyone jumps on me, I'm NOT saying you can't meet a wonderful partner on a dating app. Of course you can.

I'm saying that making dating apps the center of your social and romantic universe can be absolutely exhausting.

It's a repetitive cycle. Swipe, match, message, meet, evaluate, repeat. Sometimes it works. Often it doesn't. And over time, I think that process can start draining the very emotional energy and optimism you need to build a connection with someone.

You need other ways to replenish that energy.

And here's where I might ruffle a few feathers.

I often see people say there's nowhere to meet anyone in person anymore.

I used to say the same thing.

But I've come to realize that, at least in my experience, that's a bit of a cop-out. And I say that with affection because I was guilty of it myself!

The reality is that meeting new people requires some effort. You have to look for opportunities, be willing to show up somewhere unfamiliar, and occasionally put yourself in situations that feel a little outside your comfort zone.

And perhaps most importantly, you have to stop approaching every social opportunity as a potential dating opportunity.

Find groups organized around things you genuinely enjoy. Explore new activities. Make new friends. Build a social life that feels fulfilling whether or not a romantic relationship ever comes out of it.

That's what I started doing.

And here's the interesting part: I wasn't joining social groups specifically to find a boyfriend. I wanted to expand my circle, meet interesting people, and have more opportunities to get out and enjoy life.

And that's exactly what happened.

I met new friends. I started having fun. My social calendar filled up with things I actually looked forward to.

And somewhere along the way, I met a man in my newest social group.

Not a singles event. Not a dating app. Just a group of people enjoying life together, doing activities we all enjoy.

This man and I started talking at one of the social events. There was an immediate connection from the very first night. We socialized casually at a few more events and then made the leap to having an actual first date. Things have just effortlessly progressed from there.

The emotional, intellectual, and physical chemistry? All there.

The alignment on what we want from a relationship and long term vision? There too.

And perhaps the biggest difference of all? I haven't found myself lingering in that familiar yellow zone, trying to rationalize something that doesn't feel quite right.

It just feels...easy.

And after three years of dating, that's a pretty remarkable feeling.

So what's my point?

I guess it's this:

There isn't one right way to find love after 50. And there certainly isn't one right kind of relationship to want.

If LAT is your ideal, wonderful. If you want to remarry, wonderful. If you want a committed relationship that eventually involves sharing a home, wonderful. If you never want to marry again, that's perfectly valid too.

But don't let other people's preferences, your dating frustrations, or the prevailing opinions on this sub convince you to settle for a relationship structure that isn't what you genuinely want.

And don't let a string of disappointing dating experiences convince you that what you're looking for doesn't exist.

Learn from the experiences that don't work. Get clearer about what really matters. Be honest with yourself when something isn't right.

And in the meantime, build a life you enjoy living.

And here's what has been perhaps the most eye-opening part of this entire journey.

This feels different. Really different. And in all the best ways.

It's not just the chemistry, although that's certainly there. It's the ease of communication, the mutual interest and effort, the laughter, the intellectual connection, the affection, and the sense that we're genuinely aligned on what we want. It's being completely myself and feeling not just accepted, but appreciated for exactly who I am.

And what's remarkable to me is that I'm not spending time questioning, rationalizing, or trying to make something fit. I'm not negotiating with myself about whether something important is missing.

I'm simply enjoying a connection that feels right.

We're still early in this relationship, and I'm certainly not claiming to know what the future holds. But I do know that what I'm experiencing now feels fundamentally different from what I've ever experienced before.

And that realization has been incredibly eye-opening.

Because suddenly, all three epiphanies have come together in a way I couldn't have fully appreciated until now.

All those times I learned to walk away from the yellow zone. All those experiences that helped me refine what I really wanted and understand what I bring to a relationship. All that effort to build a fulfilling social life outside of dating apps.

It's as though all those lessons have finally come together in one beautiful package, complete with a bow.

And the biggest surprise? It's not just that I've met someone who seems to be what I've been looking for. It's that I can recognize and appreciate the difference so clearly now. Three years ago, I'm not sure I could have.

Maybe this relationship will turn out to be my forever person. I certainly hope so. But regardless of what the future holds, the experience itself has already reinforced everything I've learned along the way.

So if there's one thing I'd leave you with, it's this: Don't let dating fatigue convince you to compromise on what genuinely matters to you. Don't assume that because something has been difficult, it always has to be. And don't underestimate how much your own growth can change what you're capable of finding, recognizing, and building with someone else.

Because sometimes the most eye-opening part of finally finding something that feels right is realizing just how different right can feel.

So, you see where we are...

I have been separated/divorced for 3 years (arguably many years longer). I started putting my feelers out for on line dating last august and planned on "one year". Three weeks bf my paid subscription expired, i meet a really great who reached out to me first. I say this, bc prior to this, I was the one who was the initiator.... I went out with 4 guys on a total of 6 dates and I was the one, who ended things just bc you could tell there was no connection...and my time is valuable! i am not looking to make more friends!!

So...here is the thing. This is a guy who has a complicated past. He had a LOW profile, HIGH pressure job with a pretty intense adrenaline rush. He was in prison (white collar camp) for 18 months for insurance fraud 20 years ago. He has an acrimonious relationship with his ex and to a degree his kids. Which HE does not LOVE - but has accepted. His ex wife is a little rough around the edges, but has deep pockets in many different ways and from what I see/understand, his choices were limited with how he could be involved with his family.

I was in a 20 year fairly emotionless and detached marriage. This new guy is so attentive, kind, responsive, funny, intelligent and the physical attraction is most definitely there. He is ticking all of the boxes. We have been seeing each for 2 months and he consistently shows up, responds, and is really communicative. He does talk about his family openly. He has done a lot of work. He is sad about it. It makes sense to me. But he has accepted it.

Now the question is, do I accept the past, be curious, but not dwell? Or, let current actions speak for themselves? He has not given me any signs of dishonesty or ill intent. He wants to be happy and share a life with someone who he is compatible with as do I...thoughts

Some people who post here are annoyed that things get sexual too soon, and others are annoyed that things don’t get sexual soon enough. What’s your range? How many dates is too soon and how many is too late? What do you do if someone jumps the gun or overshoots the window? (Define “sexual” however you want.)

So I posted this in the Feeld sub but they removed it saying it was more general dating .. I sort of see their point but to be fair it’s about Feeld specifically as I don’t use other dating apps .. very odd, anyway to any of you guys using Feeld ..

Feeld has been my preferred ap for over a year. I have met some lovely men and although nothing long term the interactions I’ve had have been lovely and respectful with some lovely moments of in person fun, but somethings happening, along with the influx of the AI pictures as raised previously, there seems to be an expectation that women on Feeld are ‘easy’ ? .. the perfect example today. I matched with a man a year older than me (55F) quite unusual for Feeld as most men around my age seem to be looking for younger and to be fair, most of the men I’ve met have been younger than me by 5-10 years ish. The conversation started really well and it was lovely, all very straightforward and he’s clearly read my bio where I state that sexting is a no for me. I have my desires and those will be shared once I trust that person and I’m actually attracted to them in person. So we moved to what’s app quite quickly, I was heading to work and I won’t go on the Ap while I’m at work. Once on what’s ap though he started going into detail about what he liked and what he was good at.. ok, but I’ve just told you I’m at work ? So I reply to say that we can leave those conversations for later … 5 mins later .. “I love feeling horny” !!! What ? Why would you do that, just for a moment I thought I was having a grown up conversation!! Blocked on the phone blocked on the Ap … next … !**
**Last week I met a man for a drink and despite the fact I was clearly not attracted to him, and I made it clear, he lunged in for a kiss, leaving me to push him away then make my excuses and leave.**
Am I just having a bad run or are some coming to the Ap with the wrong expectations ? Are men having the same issues .. and yes I did report both.

So if we're over 50s, I don't really see this talked about that much. How important is being aligned on one of the big questions for the future if people are gunning for long term relationships and quality time together, adventures, shared activities etc - and that thing is capacity and intent for retirement.

I'm deliberately choosing to try to date around my age because I feel that people should be at least on the run up to retirement post 55. And thus while I might not find exact alignment I've more chance of finding matches with at least a similar trajectory even if it is unlikely to be exact. Now, I of course realise that many people particularly recent divorcees may be very much in financial rebuild mode themselves so it isn't a red line for me. But if not, how much is it a barrier in practice? One partner retiring and the other having to continue working? Expectations of cross-subsidy, having mutual time to take trips together etc?

Obviously if the relationship is to be more casual or situationship I see those can accommodate differences in financial security and free time.

And to be honest I think the time is probably the more important constraint. Not everything has to be epic big budget global trips.